David McHenry February 24, 2014 Miss Hinnant English 1102-015 Ethnography Second Draft If you enter the

UNCC gym at 8 a.m. on a Monday morning, youll find it to appear as if it is an empty concert hall. You come in a few hours later, and it would be easily comparable to the streets of New York City. Either way, the pale yellow walls are covered with the dim fluorescent lights, the music is blaring a mixture of rap and hip-hop, and there is a radiation of heat that could only be found, and transferred from the depths of hell. Upon entering, a person would begin to sweat profusely, and if you continue walking forward, you would find a wellorganized arrangement of free weights, treadmills, and yoga mats: each of them occupied by sleepy, sweaty, and motivated students. These students appear to be sporting their own sense of color and design; whether its the norms such as the dull colors of Nike and Under Armour, or the fluorescent blues and greens found by Adidas and Asics, each student represents their own image. With a closer look, you will find that there is segregation between what they wear. The men: shorts, sports shirts, both representing previous engagements and high school fame; ladies: shorts or yoga pants, tight tops hiding sports bras, and a head band holding back their long hair. With these conclusive features, you will also find water bottles, gym bags, and their inseparable appendages of iPhones and iPods. Each body inside this desolate place, intermingled among the various workout benches, treadmills, and free weights, represents the metamorphisized students of UNCC. These students, liberating themselves from the stress of school, and sacrificing their precious hours of sleep, are transforming their bodies; trying to lose every unneeded ounce of fat, and adding as much muscle as their weak arms and stout legs can handle. So what motivates
Commented [B2]: Im not sure what this means. Commented [B1]: I think you can come up with a more creative title than this!

these individuals to exercise on such an incessant basis? Why do they transform their outward appearance? Section I: The Story Behind the Characteristics I first began my three week observation and study of UNCC on Monday January 27. 2014; a very cold and windy morning. I cross through the frame of the door, and immediately find myself out of place. Everyone inside the room is wearing some form of sports attire, meanwhile, I find myself in jeans and an American Eagle hoodie, nowhere near their level of comfort, and so I quickly conceal myself in the corner. Here, I am able to scan the whole room, as well as lend an ear into the conversations and lives of each student who crosses into this secluded chamber. As I begin my research, I immediately wonder why these students have chosen to appear here so early. After all, I had chosen this time to arrive only because I knew that I needed to get a jump start on my work, and I found that this would be an ideal time to get a great description of the setting and colors of this expendable room. I never expected to find anyone here, let alone fourteen students in all; ten males and four females, two Asian, three black, and the other nine Caucasian. More importantly though, I wonder why they have even begun working out. As I look around the room, all of them appear to be physically fit and they arent obese by anyones standard, let alone overweight. So what is their reasoning for working out? Why are they even here? When I begin my interviewing process, the reasons become evident as to why these students enter into such a rigorous and life changing process; societies views on body image. Body image is the main reason for working out, it is the only reason. (Dixon). James Dixon, a
Commented [B3]: Overall I think this is a really solid introduction. Lots of nice details throughout.

pre-Kinesiology major, and avid body builder, explains to me that his motivation and reasoning behind working out comes from his background and early childhood years. James grew up in suburban Davidson where he was involved in football. He went on to tell me that his only reasons for even starting to workout came from his first football practice: When I was in 10th grade, I was overweight and I wanted to play football. I then went to football workouts and I realized that everyone there was bigger and stronger than me, I looked like a baby. My arms were small, I was fat, and I was 5 10 and 190 lbs. so I went to the gym and started working out. (Dixon) James, like so many other students, felt out of place in society when compared to others. This was seen several times while scanning the room. Students were flexing their arms, measuring their weight, and checking themselves outs, only to make sure that they were above the norm, and would fit in with the ideal image. Most of the time, students were consumed with this motive on an occasional basis, but other times, it was seen in between each rep, almost as a way to exhibit their size, and flaunt their muscle mass. Also, on several occasions, and whether it was to draw attention to themselves or not, girls would sit there and complain about how fat they were and how they looked pregnant. As I continue my research, I notice another notable feature of these individuals; dedication. Throughout my two day study, as well as my interview process, I notice that several students were there on a regular basis, and that others even recorded events, numbers, the reps, and the exercises that they had done. On average, a student went to the gym four times a week for a little over an hour. At that rate, a student would spend around two hundred and ten hours a year at the gym, or a little over a week. With this large amount of time spent at the gym, I found
Commented [B5]: I think you can dissect this more. What do you think this MEANS? Commented [B4]: Good. This is a nice way to mix your interview in with your observations.

out why these students were so dedicated and their reasoning behind removing such a huge chunk of time from their lives: I love going because I have the ability to listen to music and tune everything and everyone else out. It gives me time to think and work things out in my mind. It is a major contributor, and one of the few things in my life, that I can make a choice on, rather than being told how I have to do it, or what I have to do in a given day (McClure). Also, I found that the students enjoyed going to the gym for reasons coinciding with the ways in which they felt. Most students agreed that they hated working on parts of the body where they were the weakest, or had the largest amount of work to do. Instead, they enjoyed working on the visible parts and swim suit areas of their body; chest, legs, arms, back, and stomach being the most common. On the other hand, students such as Tiffany Ruther, said that they enjoyed going to the gym because, I feel accomplished, and the next day, when I feel sore, I feel accomplished then too. Really, anything that happens once I am done, I enjoy. (Ruther). This was something that I feel like each of the students felt, but yet didnt verbalize. Section II: Participation within the Gym As my research continued, and while I remained an observer in the room, I also found another unique characteristic; it was rare to see someone working out alone. Throughout my two day study, and several interviews, it became apparent that working out was considered a partner activity. That individuals sought the assistance and help from friends, both for motivation, as well as friendship and company. When asked whether the individuals had two groups of friends; those that worked out, and those that didnt, the overwhelming majority said
Commented [B6]: Youve now got multiple perspectives on why different students go to gym. How do you connect these together to make an argument? Try to tie things together for your reader.

yes. Their friends were described as intermingled (Ruther), and one even described it as, We all have those guys and girls that workout alongside of us, and those that we just mess with and spend time outside of the gym with. (Dixon). Though this was apparent, it wasnt until my second day, when I observed in the afternoon, that I found an odd fact; segregation. While observing a group of students on the treadmills and ellipticals, I found a gender bias segregation between the two sexes. Men were only working with men, and women were only working with women. Also, women never went to the free weight section, but rather, they hung around the machines and ellipticals, focusing more on abs and legs. Confused by the scenario, I began interviewing individuals. Within my interviews, I specifically asked them their feelings on the gym being a two gender site, and whether or not they thought it should be a mans place solely. Knowing that everyone would say that the gym should not be a mans place solely, I was more concerned about the first part of the question. Surprisingly though, everyone said that they like it being two gender because it gave them motivation and a drive to do better. Also, they felt that, it should be both genders because both genders can benefit from working out, (Harris), and that, men can help encourage women to do more. In the same sense, women can help me because the men will try to impress them and help them to work out in order to become stronger. (McClure). If this was the case, men seeking women to help them work out, I wondered if they had ever cheated. I was curious to see whether or not the individuals had ever resorted to body enhancers, and other supplemental vitamins, as well as, what their views were on the drugs. Throughout my research and observation of the students, I found that almost all the men carried around bottles that contained liquids that didnt resemble water, Powerade, or any other electrolyte drink. Instead, the liquids were swirled with pigments of powders, or chocolate, and
Commented [B8]: Why? Commented [B7]: Maybe before you go back into interview responses you could tell your reader how you make meaning of this observation. Its okay to make assumptions based off observationsthats one of the points of the assignment

the students conversations were buzzing about the new drinks that GNC and other vitamin stores had put on the market. Upon interviewing individuals I found that everyone, including the women, had resorted to some type of vitamin or supplement; most of them admitting to taking protein and your general drug store vitamins. Mike, the body builder, admitted that, over the years, I have taken a lot of different supplements; protein, Creatine, amino acids, pre-workouts, fat burners, metabolism boosters, energy pills, energy drinks. Anything under the sun, I have pretty much taken and tried (Dixon). Though, when asked what their views about the supplements were, everyone, including Mike, told me that, you can go without them, because the things that come from it, never outweigh all the negative effects that it can have on (you) (Ruther). Also, it is a lot of a mental thing that gets you there, and a lot of caffeine that gets your pumped up and ready to go, (Dixon), as well as, they are going to affect your mind and body, because they if it is not natural, it is not supposed to be there (McClure). Section III: Influences of the Gym After spending almost four hours in the gym, and interviewing several individuals, I realized that there was a general trend between working out and the chosen profession. Of the four individuals that I interviewed, three of them were pre-Kinesiology majors, moving into their subsequent major, Exercise Science. The other one was a Nursing major, who is taking this into account. The individuals told me that working out often, did help them chose the professions and majors they would strive for. I am studying to be a physical therapist, and since I have gone through intensive physical therapy two or three times, I know my way around a gym if you know
Commented [B10]: There might be too many answers in too short a space here. Commented [B9]: Why is this answer important to YOUR argument?

what I mean. I know what I am doing and certain exercises or moves you can perform in order to isolate and support the muscles in your body. (Harris). I came to be a Kinesiology major, because I love working out, and I love the body, so I felt that the occupation fits me best (Dixon). With their passions invested in working out and intensive amounts of time spent on bettering themselves, it would seem evident that time spent on homework and extracurricular activities would drop. To my surprise though, this was not so. Jacob, Mike, and Tiffany all agreed that, If you have certain times that you do your homework, and certain times you go to the gym, you will be a more regimented person, so it will probably improve your schoolwork. (They also found) that you need to put aside a sufficient amount of time for school work, so you can make sure that it all gets completed. (Ruther). This was also evident in my observations. When students would come to work out in the afternoon and early evening, they were there to get work done. It appeared that they had a set schedule, and knew exactly what they had to do, how long they had to do it, and would often come, workout, and leave immediately. They never took time to rest or breathe, but rather plowed through what they had to do. Taking all of this into consideration, and observing the conversations of several individuals, I found that there was a kind of language used between gym attendees. Being that they spend countless hours studying, exercising, and pursuing their future occupations, it came without surprise that there were particular terms used. One thing that did surprise me though, was that the individuals couldnt think of any terms that would be a part of this language. Though when I jogged their memory, I learned that this language was no different than the English we speak today. We have kind of formed our own terms. For the most part, I would say that we just shorten the words and use abbreviations when talking about the certain areas.
Commented [B11]: Again, try not to paste answer by answer without adding in your own argument.

(Harris). An example that Jacob provided me was that, biceps would be referred to as Bis or bench pressing would be referred to as benching, but there were no special terms involved. Other than this, none of the individuals I questioned and interviewed, were capable of coming up with terms or phrases utilized by the avid gym members. Section IV: Reflection and Conclusion Now that I have finished interviewing and observing such a diverse and intriguing subsection of our campus culture, I am truly privileged to have this opportunity. I feel like I was able to disprove a whole spectrum of myths and ideas about working out, as well as being capable of portraying and expressing the lifestyles of these individuals. My studies have lead me to believe that these individuals are an insecure population and that they appear to be molded by societal views. Rather than being secure about what they have, and what they are capable of doing by themselves, these individuals have proven that what you see, is not always who they are. They are a prospective group of individuals who are shaped by their habits and enjoyments, and with these certain habits, go on to make up such a crucial part of sports medicine, a subsection of the medical field. They have proven to be a dedicated group of individuals as well. Between their countless hours of working out, and balancing school life, they have shown that they are capable of tasks that some would consider unattainable. Overall though, I feel they have shown that they are no different than the average population on campus. Although they are bigger, faster, stronger, and more fit than the average student, they were once in our shoes, and like everything else, it took time for them to reach their goals. I would not describe myself as an expert on this topic, but rather, I would call myself a eluted individual on the topic of UNCCs school gym.
Commented [B12]: Why is this information about language important?

David, Overall, I think that youve got a really strong start here. I can tell that youve really taken the time to conduct these observations and interviews, and its amazing how youre able to use your writing in a way that really puts me, the reader, into the actual gym. I also think that, for the most part, youve done a nice job balancing out observation and interview, and I know that that can be a very daunting task. Nice work. Still, I think theres room for improvement. There were several times throughout that I found myself wondering why youre telling me what youre telling me. I think its interesting that you ask about steroids/supplements and gym language but you dont tell me why these questions are important (or why the answers are important) in relation to your overall argument. In other words, I thought you information you were giving me was interesting, but I didnt fully understand the point. In revision, really work hard to make sure youre telling your reader why youre doing what youre doing every step of the way and, further, how these steps relate to your overall argument. I also feel that you do rely a little too heavily on interview responses at times. I can tell where youve weaved observation in, but you dont make much meaning out of what youre seeing. As you move forward Id like to see you push yourself in that way as well.