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Ashanti Johnson
Professor Lago
Experience In Literature 1500-15
5 May 2014
Is It Worth It?

In Raymond Carvers short story What We Talk About When We Talk About Love
three characters Ed, Terri and Mel take on the role of understanding domestic violence and
alcohol abuse. In both reality and even in Hollywood, both these harsh things can occur, and
depending on the situation this can be a life changing experience. Negative actions can cause to
lose everything they have earned in a blink of an eye. Domestic violence happens in all cultures,
people of all races, ethnicities and religions. It occurs and is perpetrated by, on and both women
and men, occurring not only in the opposite-sex but also in the same-sex relationship. Alcohol
and drugs may be used to cope with the physical, emotional, and/or psychological pain of family
violence. Dr. David J. Hanson said in an article "Regular alcohol abuse is one of the leading
factors for intimate partner violence, also men who batter frequently use alcohol abuse as an
excuse for their violence(Hanson 1). What people should think about is before acting on their
behavior, is it worth it? Is it worth taking your own life or putting someone elses life in danger
or when consuming that alcohol is it worth loosing everything you had planned for your future.
Endorsement deals, education, and love. Its not worth it, because if you knew better youd do
better.
Carver story had some issues in his own person life dealing with alcohol abuse. His wife
Maryann Carver did an interview, and throughout their marriage with his wife noticed that there
was a breaking point for the both of them and they both would turn to alcohol. Alcohol became a

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problem because Carver was saddled with an old car, a rented house, and serious debt as well as
the perennial wagonload of frustration from having neither privacy nor leisure to write; he more
or less gave up, threw in the towel, and took in to full-time drinking as a serious pursuit. As
Krisch adds, In 1977 Carvers addiction started to get out of control he couldnt even finish his
time at the University of California because of his addiction, he was hospitalized on four separate
occasions for acute alcoholism.(Krisch 1) Alcohol seems to be a common phenomenon in all of
Carver's stories, even the ones that have absolutely nothing to do with infidelity or violence.
However, in Carvers short story he helps us imagine the effects dealing with love and
domestic violence and the effect it has on three characters in this story by the names, Terri
(victim), Ed (abuser/ex-husband), and Mel (Terris husband). Carver gave his readers the chance
to get deep into their relationships and experiences the lives of Terri, Ed, and Mel theyll come in
contact with the not so easily explained tragic circumstances of some peoples lives. During the
table talk between the narrator Nick and his wife Laura the conversation about during their
conversation on love, and they all have one thing in common: violence. Love, this story suggests,
often intersects with violence, and often in surprising ways. Characters hurt each other in the
name of love, love can turn to hate, and violence can, at the end of the day, reinforce love, too.
Love and violence do not always just happen in stories we may read; this can occur in
everyday lives. Harriet Ryan did an article on this Hollywood couple In 2009 on Feb8th two
popular and attractive and talented couple by the names, Chris Brown and Rihanna were both at
a party together.(Ryan1) The two seem to be happy together until drinking started getting heavy
and someone called 911 to report a disturbance. Ryan also described how badly wounded the
singer Rihanna was The singer Rihanna left the scene bleeding and bruised up (Ryan1). No
one ever expected this to happen. Brown was very apologetic about beating his girlfriend. This

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type of domestic violence left Rihanna with physical and emotional wounded, and Brown facing
a criminal charge that can change his life forever making him known as a woman abuser. Both
of these talented singers had large endorsement deals piling up. With this incident occurring it
interferes with the grown of their names and brands for Brown. Chris brown and Rihanna both
remind me of Ed and Terris relationship and me of the two charters from the short story Ed.
Domestic violence both took a toll on both of these relationships. Love made both Ed and Chris
Brown make some crazy decisions that changed every single life thats involved in both
relationships for better and worst.
Eds love for Terri took a turn for the worst. In the story Terri tells everybody about how
crazy in love Ed was over her. Terris new husband Mel does not see that this is a significant
definition of true love, Ed would refer to Terri and say I love you, I love you, you bitch he
would call her out of her name and even dragged her onto the floor while screaming and yelling
these very hurtful words to her. (Carver 331) Being in an un-healthy relationship like this can
make or break you physically, mentally and emotionally. Domestic abuse stems from many
aspects. Lack of love, affection, and communication are a few examples of how this can occur.
Then Eds life ended as Terri tells the group He shot himself in the mouth (Carver 331). He
lost control of his own self and took away his own life.
As the characters grow more and more drunk, their conversations become more
incoherent and frustrating. Mel, of all the characters, struggles the most with his gin-soaked
words, and the more he tries to explain love, the more we think that alcohol has nothing to do
with it, There was an ice bucket on the table. The gin and tonic water kept going around, and we
somehow got on the subject of love(Carver 330). As the author with the family issues he was
having the only way he can get closure was by drinking. His father, Clevie Raymond Carver, did

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several menial jobs in the timber mills; unfortunately, he was a violent alcoholic. Carver's
alcoholic characters' struggles are illuminated whether he portrays those in early or more severe
stages of alcoholism. However, illustrations of lesser degrees of alcoholism are easily overlooked
when examined in context to depictions of more severe instances of alcoholism. When you
consume your alcohol drinks one turn into a different person while the alcoholic says they just
feel regular as if they never even consumed that drink before hand. From Carver growing up to
his father being an alcoholic its just like he followed in his footsteps. It was not worth Raymond
Carver to following in his fathers footsteps, it wasnt worth it because his marriage almost fell
apart and his family started to break apart because his wife did not want their kids to see their
father all drunk around the house.
Ed's behavior seemed like a crime of passion, he loved Terri so much that he went to
extremes for their love. "It was love," Terri said. "Sure, it's abnormal in most people's eyes. But
he was willing to die for it. He did die for it"(Carver 333). Terris experience with love was
confused. However that experience was a lesson learned. While sitting around the table with
Mel, Nick and Laura, they all figured she was so in love with Mel, but as she was pondering
about her relationship with Ed. When in a domestic violence situation male vs. female or female
vs. male when hands are put on one and that victim who claims to be so in love with this forceful
person it is very hard to be certain of. Your thoughts, actions and the lifestyle you live can reflect
on the person you are in relations with. The relationship that Terri and Ed built came along love
but at the same time that love that she had for him was one strong emotion, which may have been
the cause of domestic violence, which is not okay for anybody to be involved in.
This simple and somewhat confusing story has always been, for me, a reminder of how
difficult it is to capture love in words. What is love? What is not? Who has it, and who does not?

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Perhaps most importantly, what does it mean to love and to be loved? In the story itself, the
concept of love only becomes more elusive as the characters try to grasp it through their dialog.
From my point of view it is difficult to see people in their everyday life goes through this
situation and it is a struggle to even think it can happen to you a family member or a friend. And
some negative sidebars that come along with domestic violence, included: incarceration, distrust
possible retaliation, mental scarring of those present and kids that see it. If you have kids around
they shouldnt be exposed to alcohol or domestic abuse. Kids see things going on in their home
and may go out and reenact what they seen or even go out and tell and this makes you look like a
bad parent. No kid should see their mother get beat on and their fathers get pissy drunk. Its not
worth it, to show your kids that they can live a better life than you. Even though Terri and Ed did
not have s child I feel as though if so things would have been different. In Hollywood and in
reality things happen but its how they happen. But with your actions you have yet to stop and
think how would this interferer with your life. Ones future dreams and goals and one become an
alcoholic or a violent person can be their down fall and through this paper I show how in
Raymond Carvers short story he proposes in several forms the realism of everyday lives in his
short stories; with this his readers capture their own lives written through his stories.








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Works Cited
Carver, Raymond. "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love." 2014. Literature and the
Writing Process. 10th ed. Boston: Pearson, 2014. 330-338. Print
David J. Hanson. Drinking Alcohol and Domestic Abuse. Web. 5 May. 2014
Kirsch, Jonathan. What It Use to Be Like. Los Angeles Times Jul 23 2006. ProQuest.
Web. 3 Apr. 2014
Johnson, Joyce. "When We Talk About Love." New York Times Book Review Sep 24
2006: 18,7.18. ProQuest. Web. 3 Apr. 2014
Ryan, Harriet, and Richard Winton. "Image Breaker; also at Stake in the Chris Brown-Rihanna
Incident: Rich Commercial Endorsements." Los Angeles Times Feb 16 2009. ProQuest.
Web. 3 Apr. 2014
Schwartz, Casey. "Whitney Houston's Death: Xanax and Alcohol, Lethal Duo." Newsweek Web
Exclusives Feb 13 2012 ProQuest. Web. 3 Apr. 2014











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