WritersMemo

Ihadtothinkalotaboutrevisionwhilecreatingmynarrative,poem,andGenrePortfolio.The
previoussentence,forexample,tookoverfour(makethatfive)revisionsbeforeIthoughtmymeaning
wasbeingconveyedthewayIwanted.Myrevisionswereinfluencedfromavarietyofsources.Chapter
2in,BestPracticesinWritingInstruction,editedbyGraham,MacArthur,andFitzgeraldcausedme
tofocusonwordchoice,sentencestructure,voice,organization,andwritingconventions.Afterwriting
bothmynarrativeandpoemIwentthroughmydraftswhilethinkingabouteachstrategy.Basedonthe
methodologydiscussedinNancySommers,RevisionStrategiesofStudentWritersand
ExperiencedAdultWriters,Iattemptedtofocusonallformsofrevision(deletion,substitution,
addition,andreordering)whenredraftingmypieces(1980,p.380).Iprimarilyfocusedonrevisingmy
poemsincethiswasthegenreIwasmostuncomfortablewith.However,Ididfindmyselfrearranging
mynarrativeandfocusingonwordchoiceformyaudiencewhenIfoundoutitwasgoingtobeshared
withmywritinggroup.
Whilerevisingmypoem,Candles,IhadtokeepthinkingaboutwhatLauraApolsaidinher
article,WhatDoWeDoIfWeDontDoHaiku?SevenSuggestionsforWritersandTeachers.
Lauramentionsthatinordertotrulybeabletoreviseyoumustnotbesoinlovewithyourwritten
wordsthatyoucannotfinditinyourselftoreworkthem(2002,p.94).Atfirst,thiswasatricky
conceptformetomaster.Iremember,whenaskedtoreviseingradeschool,makingerrorsor
rearrangepassagesonapieceofwritinginordertocreatearoughdrafttobeedited.Ialwaysthought
thepieceIhadoriginallywrittenwasthebestIcoulddo.Now,Irealizethatscrutinizingeveryelement
ofaworkiswhatgoodwritersdo.Lookingbackatmyoriginaldraft,Ifeelthatmyfinaldrafts
intentionsaremoreexplicit.IwasntafraidofrevisingmypreviousdraftbecauseIknewtheendresult
wouldmorejustlyconveymythoughts.Afterlookingatmypoem,IknewIwantedtoemphasizethe
sensesofsightandsmellthatwerealreadyevolving.Therefore,Iseparatedthesesensesintoseparate
stanzas.Ialsochangedsomeofmyfallmemoriesinordertobetteridentifywitheachsense.Finally,I
playedwithlinestructuretoconveymeaning/importance.Ifelttheonewordlinesinmypoemwere
powerfulandneededtobethoughtfullychosen.
Whilespeakingwithmywritinggrouptherewasabigimportanceplacedonwordchoiceinour
discussions,whichwassomethingthatSommersmentionedasadownfalltomanystudents(1980,p.
381).Rememberingthis,wehadtorefocustheconversationafewtimestolookatsemanticsand
structureopposedtojustwordchoice.Thewritinggrouphelpedmeintherevisionprocessinmultiple
ways.First,itcausedmetorevisemywritingtothebestofmyabilitybeforeshowingittomypeers.
Secondly,itprovidedmewithadifferentperspective.Lastly,itallowedmetostepawayfrommy
writingpieceforafewdaysbeforereturningtoit,whichshowedmethepieceinanewlight.
AsAmyDevittexplains,genresbecomeembeddedintheassumptions,values,andbeliefsof
thegroupsinpower(p.338).Afterreadingthepoemsandnarrativesprovidedforusonthecourse
websiteIhadabetterideaoftheelementsneedtoexecutingeachgenre.Inordertofigureoutthe
criteria,Ihadtoanalyzewhatmadeeachgenreunique.Forexample,thenarrativegenreneededto
havestoryelementsandbeaboutasmallmomentintime.Whilethepoemneededtobeinverseform
orhavestrongdescriptivelanguage.Eachgenrethencouldbeenhancedwithwordchoice,dialogue,
poeticlanguage,orotherstylisticconventions.
Whileinthecompositionprocess,myexperienceseemedtobeonparwiththenonblockedstudents
referencedinMikeRosesarticle,RigidRules,InflexiblePlans,andtheStiflingofLanguage:A
CognitivistAnalysisofWritersBlock.Iusedlessrigidrulesandtherefore,mademyselfmore
functional,moreflexible,moreopentoinformationfromtheoutside(1980,p.390).Iallowedmyself
tobrainstormbyjottingdownideasonthecomputer,toreviseasIcomposed,tothinkaboutthe
poemsIhadjustreadinordertoinfluencemyownpieces.Thisconcepthelpedmecreateabetterfinal
poem.Ideletedoraddedfullstanzaswithnoregret,knowingmyoverallpiecewouldbebetterbecause
ofit.
Whilewritingmypoem,IrealizedtheimportanceofprovidingapoetrylinktostudentsasJanineCerto
mentionedinherarticle(2004,p.268).Thismakesitlessdauntingforstudentstocomposepoems.It
isdifficulttojustwriteapoem.Ievenneededtousethepoemsuggestionsprovidedforus.This
realizationhasencouragedmetoprovidestudentswithstylesofpoemstowrite,topicstochoosefrom,
andpoetstomimicduringourownpoetryunit.
Ithinkitisimportantforstudentstoworkwithmewhencreatingarubrictoassesstheirpoems
beforebeginningthewritingprocess.Thiscanbedoneafterstudentsreadavarietyofpoems,creatinga
listofcriteriathatmakesthegenreuniqueandexceptional,criteriathattheywanttohighlightinagiven
assignment.IwouldalsoincorporatethereviewoftheCommonCoreStateStandardsforwritingso
studentsareawareoftheirgoals.Byallowingstudentstotakepartintherubriccreationprocessthey
willnotonlybemoreawareofexpectations,butwillalsobepracticingwritinginyetanothergenre!This
alsowouldallowthemtotakemoreownershipfortheirgradesandcreateabetterunderstandingof
howtoevaluatetheirclassmateswork.

WorksCited

Apol,L.(2002)."Whatdowedoifwedon'tdohaiku?"sevensuggestionsforwritersand
teachers.EnglishJournal,91(3),8997.

Certo,J.L.(2004).Coldplumsandtheoldmeninthewater:Letchildrenreadandwrite"great"
poetry.TheReadingTeacher,58(3),266271.

Devitt,A.(2009).Teachingcriticalgenreawareness.InC.Bazerman,A.Bonini,&D.
CarvalhoFigueiredo(Eds.),Genreinachangingworld(pp337351).Anderson,SC:Parlor
Press.

Graham,S.,MacArthur,C.,&Fitzgerald,J.(2007).Bestpracticesinwritinginstruction.New
York:TheGuilfordPress.

Rose,M.(1980).Rigidrules,inflexibleplans,andthestiflingoflanguage:Acognitivist
analysisofwriter'sblock.CollegeCompositionandCommunication,31(4),389401.

Sommers,N.(1980).Revisionstrategiesofstudentwritersandexperiencedadult
writers.College,CompositionandCommunication,41(3),378388.

CandlesDraft#1

Thecandlesinmyhouse
Remindmeoffall
Pumpkin,
Caramel,
ApplePie.
AsIsmellthecandles
Ithink

OfHalloweennights
Dressedinmydreams
Aprincess,dinosaur,evenaqueen

Ofhayrides
WithGrandma
Longsincegone.

Ofbonfires
Inmybackyard
Withfriends

OfwhenIworewhite,
Becomingonepart
oftwo.

AsIlookatthecandles
Ibreathein
Longingfor
Remembering
Andfeelingblessed

CandlesDraft#2

Thecandlesinmyhouse
Remindmeoffall
Pumpkin,
Caramel,
ApplePie.

AsIsmellthecandles
Ithinkof
Halloween
Hayrides,
Bonfires,
OrwhenIworewhite,
Becomingonepart
oftwo.

AsIlookatthecandles,
Theglowingflame
remindsmeofthewarmth
Ifeltinthosemoments

Ibreatheintosavortheirsmell.
Longingfortimespassed,
Rememberingwithfondness,
Feelingblessed.

CandlesDraft#3

Thecandlesinmyhouse,
Remindsmeoffall
Pumpkin,
CandyCorn,
ApplePie.

Theglowingwax,
Conjuresimagesof,
JackOlanterns,
Bonfires,
AndLightningBugs

Thecandlessmell
Bringaboutmemoriesof
Hayrides,
ApplePicking,
OrwhenIworewhite,
Becomingonepart
oftwo.

Theflamesdance,
Remindingmeofthejubilation
Ifeltinthosemoments.

Ibreathein,
Savoringthearoma.
Longingfortimespast,
Rememberingwithfondness,
Feeling
Blessed.

Ashten,youdosomereallynicerestructuringinthispoemfromyourfirsttoyourthirddrafts(whichyou
hintedatinyourwritersmemo).AsIwasreadingyourfinaldraft,Icouldnthelpbutwantevenmore
specifics,asIfeelthatthefinaltwostanzasareabittoodareIsaygeneric.Oneideathatcameto
mindmightbetoplaywiththenamesofcandlescents.Youknowhowcandleshavenameslike
roastedmarshmalloworvanillacupcake.Inthiscase,Ithink(Icouldbewrong)allofthememories
youassociatewiththiscandleareautumnrelated(thankstothescentofthecandle).Perhapseach
stanzacouldbeascentspecifictofall.Andthenyoucoulddevelopeachofthosescentrelated
memoriesmorefullythroughoutanentirestanzaforeach.Anotheroptionwouldbetoconsidersomeof
thekeymomentsinlifewherecandleshavebeenpresentforyou(i.e.,thecandleinsidea
jackolanternthecandlesatyourweddingcandlesatatablefortwocandlesthatwelightin
remembranceofalovedoneatChurch)Then,developapoemaroundthesecandlepresentmoments
withastanzaforeachofthem.Youhavetheseedsofspecifics,asIliketocallit,inyourfirstthree
stanzas.Imjustthinkingyoucouldteasethatoutabitmoreanddwellevenmoreintheconcrete.

MidnightTerror

IsupposeIhavealwaysbeenafrightfulperson,acharacteristicwhichwasthecatalysttomy
ownhumiliation.Iblamemyolderbrotherforthis.Asayoungchild,hewasalwaystryingtoscareme.
Hedspringupfromundermybed,lurchoutaroundcorners,andjumpfromclosedshowerdoors.He
evenwentsofarastosqueezehimselfbetweenthewallandour1980scouch,waitingfortheclimaxof
TheCareBearsinordertoensnaremeinhisgrasp.Istillrememberhishandscomingupbetweenthe
couchcushionsliketwoantennasonaTV.MyskittishnessonlybecameworseasIgrewolder.I
alwayslookedtomakesurenobodywashiddeninthebackofmycarIflewflung?myshowercurtain
openeverytimeIenteredthebathroom,andsittingonacouchwithdetachablecushionswouldbe
laughable.
WhileImadeeveryattempttomaskmyjumpiness,Idobelievetherearesomeoccasionswherecrying
outinsheerterrorforoneslifeiscompletelyunderstandable.TheroadtripmyfriendRobynandItook
ourSeniorYearofCollege,andmorespecificallyournightstopatDavidLanden(acollege
acquaintance)schildhoodhomewasonesuchoccasion.Irememberbeingthankfultoexitthe101on
ourtriptoSanFranciscoandseekingtheLandensoasisafteratenhourdrive.RobynandIshared
pleasantrieswiththefamilyofsixbeforebeingescortedtotheroomintheirbasementwewouldbe
sharingfortheevening.
RobynandIwereexhaustedanddecidedweshouldtaketheopportunitytosleepintheluxurious
kingbedbeforeawakingearlythenextmorningtocontinueourdrive.Asmyheadhitthepillowandmy
fingerstouchedthe600threadcountsheetsIblissfullydosedoff.Mydreamlesssleep,however,was
sooninterruptedasIfeltandheardaTHRANKacrossmyface.Myeyesshotopenlikeacamera
shuttertorevealahandacrossmyface.Iimmediatelyletoutaparalyzingscreamandtriedtowhackthe
handawayfromme.However,itjustfloppedlikerubberacrossmyfaceagain.Ithenentwinedthe
handswritewithmyownandhelditawayfrommyface.MylungsopenedupforasecondtimeasI
turnedtoseemyfriendRobynawake.Myhorriblescreamsandlookoffearonmyfacecausedherto
letoutanearpiercingscreamaswell.Now,myownrealizationthatRobyntoowasafraidofthis
unidentifiedhandcausedmyhearttojumpbacktoMichigan.Ibeganhittingthehandawayfrommy
body.Yetwitheachhititreturned.
Withthehandinhotpursuitmysenseswerescrambled.Whowashere?Whatwashappening?
Whywasithappening!AsIcontinuedtovigorouslywhackthecrazedhandawayfromme,Ibecame
hyperawareofatinglingsensationinmyownrighthand.Asmyscreamsreseededafewdecibelsthe
realizationofmysituationbecameclear.Iwasnotbeingpursuedbyamanichand,unleashedbyVictor
Frankenstein.No,themanicwasme!
UnfortunatelythisrealizationoccurredasDavesfamilyboundeddownthestairstowitnessour
screamingcompetitionandmyarmtoarmcombat.Atthatmoment,Imsuretheyquestionedthesanity
ofthetwogirlstheyhadwelcomedintotheirhome.MyfaceturnedredwithembarrassmentasI
sheepishlybegantolaugh,recountingthetaleofhowIthoughtmynumbarmwastryingtoattackme
whilevexingmybrotherforcausingmetooverreactagaintoatrivialmatter.

Ashten,Iwontsayasmuchaboutthisdraftsinceitsnotyourfocaldraft,butIdothinkthatifyou
wantedtoreviseit,Idencourageyoutocutrighttothemomentitself.Inotherwords,Idontthink
youneedthefirstparagraphandahalfofframing.Ialsothinkthatyoucancutsomeofyourmodifiers.
Forexample,whenyousay,AsIcontinuedtovigorouslywhackthecrazedhand,youcouldtrim
thattoread,AsIlashedoutatthehand,IbecameImnotconvincedthatvigorouslyand
crazedarereallydoinganythingforyouhere.Thatmightbeagoodlessontousewithfuturestudents.
Helpthemtrimthefatoftheirsentences,showingthemthatmorewordsdontalwaystranslateinto
moredetail.

PlansforEvaluation:

Completion:

_5___/5 Portfoliocontains3draftsofonegenreandonedraftofaseparategenre
submittedinanorderlyandtimelyfashion.

KnowledgeoftheGenresANDDedicationtoRevision

__4__/5 Thewritingsamplessubmittedindicatethatthewriterhasattemptedto
familiarizehim/herselfwiththecriteriaandconventionsofthe2genresinwhich
s/heisworking.Thereisevidenceamongthe3draftsofthechosengenrethatthe
writerhasmadethoughtfulrevisionsthataremindfulofthegenrespurposeand
conventions.Therevisionscertainlygobeyondchangestogrammarandformatting,providingevidence
ofwhatSommersreferstoasrevisioningthetext.Seecommentsabove

WritersMemo

__14__/15 Thewritersmemoincorporatesdeepandthoroughanswerstoallofthe
required
questions.Inotherwords,thememonotonlydescribeswhatthewriterdid,but
alsoincorporatesthoughtfulreflectionandanalysis(aboutrevisionandworking
withinanunfamiliargenre)inresponsetotheprobesoutlinedinthewriters
memoguidelines.Meaningfulreferencestotheliteratureongenrearemade
whereappropriate.Yourmemoprovidedaveryniceoverviewofyourexperiencesofdraftingand
revising,Ashten.AsInotedinthememoitself,too,Iappreciatedthatyoutalkedaboutyourwriting
experienceingenrespecificterms.Youdefinitelyworkedfromtheinsideoutonthisproject,feeling
whatitwasliketowriteinaparticular(andunfamiliar)genre.TheonlyshakygroundIcouldseeinthis
memohadtodowithanoccasionalreferencetothereadinghereandtherethatdidntreallyexhibitthe
tightestconnectionbetweenthereadingandwhatYOUweretryingtosay.

Ihadalotoffunreadingthroughyournarrative(Ilaughedoutloud),andIdontthinkIlleverfacethe
startofautumnagainwithoutenvisioningtheflickeringofacandle.

Finalscore:23/25