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somewhere to rest,
someone to rest with.
Sleeping until sated,
defying sleep until exhaustion.
It is not necessary.
I have never known that feeling of indifference
to cessation and death.
I am always afraid.
Wanting a halt to fear.
For the night to always and forever
be a comfort and a melancholy.
Wanting
the terrible stars and cold beauty.
Family, friends in pain.
Like a furnace,
pushing back at you with its heat and immediacy.
For cool water,
not extinguishing,
to temper.
Or the stark confrontation
to be played out again and again,
with severity and passion.
Alcohol
making the pain of love sink into you like a knife.
holding the instrument.
Not wanting to let go.
Letting go,
giving up,
walking away from caring,
not from the things once cared for.
Meditation on things like rocks
and thinks unlike rocks.
Sweating with focus.
Smiling like a drug addict.
Boredom,
loneliness,
wants,
friends and people around you,
a fire,
warmth