Caroline Ulugia

Communications 2110-401
Submitted to: Dr. Carolyn Clark
Date: 11/28/2014

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Overview:
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With this paper I will analyze a communication behavior Ive been working
on. By improving how to respond skillfully in the workplace, at home with family
and with friends to maintain valuable interpersonal relationships. I will further
describe the unwanted communication pattern by explaining two scenarios and
the consequences of each scenario. Ill describe in detail the methods I used to
tackle the problem. Furthermore, I will outline the obstacles I encountered while
changing this habit, and what actions I used to implement the behavior. I will
conclude the paper with results of the project by explaining the positive and
negative consequences throughout the semester and explain what I learned from
this communication change.

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Unwanted Communication Pattern:
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The problem I set out to solve this semester is trying to improve my

responding skills in the workplace, at home with family and with friends.
Sometimes when I respond to others, I overload people with information or I get
anxious and interrupt others. When I respond to others in this manner the
context I express comes out differently then what I intend and conversations
become awkward and strained.

I work in the Repayment Department at work. Im in the Charge-Off

department and my job is to collect on 90-120 delinquent day accounts that are
potentially going to charge-off to an outside agency. My job is to negotiate and
work out a payment plan or arrangement with the customer to avoid their
accounts from moving to the next step: charge off. I called out to a Cosigner, and
advised her of where I was calling from, the reason for my call and what we
needed to do to bring the account current. The cosigner responded by saying she
needed to reach her son first, who is the primary borrower of the account. I
responded by acknowledging her but then she would cut me off and ask
questions. I would respond by answering her questions then try to circle the
conversation back to the trying to set up an arrangement then the cosigner
strongly stated Im not paying anything until I speak with my son, I then replied

by saying, Your a cosigner and are equally responsible, also. I need to set up a
payment with you. She responded by repeating what she said before then hung
up.

Another time when I did not respond in an effective manner was when I
was having a conversation with my sister about what we needed to do for our
annual Christmas dinner party coming up. It is a tradition in our family to have a
Christmas get together with our family, my Aunts family in South Jordan and
our Uncles family in Kearns. Each family takes a turn to host the Christmas
dinner. This year is my familys turn and my mother put my siblings and I in
charge to host this year. My sister was letting me know that she could not
participate in hosting the dinner party because she made plans to volunteer
somewhere for the holiday. I told her we all need to be there because its a
tradition. My sister told me she could probably leave early to make the party, I
told her she better do that. She got upset and said, She doesn't have to do
anything, then I responded by saying, Whatever then we changed the subject.
This wasnt effective at all because nothing was resolved.

In the first situation I couldve responded more effectively by using

listening comprehension skills instead of being an ambush listener. This is a
person who eagerly pounces on the speaker to argue, criticize, or find fault with
what the speaker has said. ( Beebe and Beebe, p. 128) By telling the customer as
a cosigner she was equally responsible did not help the situation because the
information was not relevant at the time. With the second situation, I did not
respond to my sister by listening to her need instead I was telling her things she
already knew which did not prove to be effective either.

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Strategies:
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The two main strategies I chose to use to improve my responding skills

with others is asking appropriate questions and providing usable information.

Ask appropriate questions:

I wrote in my proposal I wanted to eliminate awkwardness by thinking
before blurting out what pops into my head. I also mentioned listening as an
effective tool before responding to understand the other person. When you ask
appropriate questions and make appropriate comments, you can help your
communication tell a better story. (Beebe and Beebe, page 142). I narrowed the
list down to three things:

1. Make a conscious, mindful effort to listen: Using this strategy I had

to mentally ask myself what battles are worth fighting for. I had to

consciously be aware of my surroundings and emotions and separate my

emotions from my intent. You can increase your motivation to listen by
reminding yourself why listening is important; sprinkling in a few on ontask self-talk reminders of why the information you are listening to is
important can enhance your listening skill. (Beebe and Beebe, p. 131).
2. Dont rush the speaker, be patient: By not rushing the speaker and
staying patient the conversation flows more which helps to eliminate
awkwardness. There were instances where I had to be patient and pause to
let the other person respond which proved to help both of us
communicate. This is a great tool. Practicing patience worked for me
because it let the other person know I was listening without doing
anything but to be silent. By staying patient and listening this also helped
me to not control the situation. It caused me to take a step back and really
listen to the other person instead of thinking I am the only one with an
opinion.
3. Put your own thoughts aside: This has proved to be the most effective
for me out of the three listed. Using this strategy would have worked to
apply to the situations I had with the customer and my sister by putting
my thoughts aside and not judging them. When I put my thoughts aside, I
can concentrate on the other person instead of wanting to be right. By
attending to your partners unspoken message, you are looking for the
meta-message-the message about the message. ( Beebe and Beebe, p.
132).

Providing usable information: I wanted to use this strategy because I wanted to

have meaningful conversations with others. Applying useful and relevant
information to others would let them know I wanted to help improve
conversation on my end. When you are selecting meaningful information, also
try to cut down on the volume of information. (Beebe and Beebe, p. 143) For
example, I remember a stranger asking me for directions at a gas station. I
remember the conversation being direct because he was in a hurry and I had to
give him specific information. I remembered to not give him too much
information when he asked, I had to let him know of other things around his
destination to let him know he was headed in the correct route. I remember
thinking about this strategy for this communication goal too.

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Constraints:
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The biggest challenge I encountered to make this change difficult was

myself. Breaking old habits wasn't something that was going to happen overnight.
Another challenge was letting go aspects of a conversation if it wasnt going
anywhere. I told myself to pick my battles and choose what I was willing to let go.

The goal os a critical listener is to use information to make a choice. (Beebe and
Beebe, p. 140). Communication takes work and if I wasnt willing to communicate
then things did not work but theres a difference between communicating and
communication effectively. Interpersonal communication is a distinctive,
transactional form of human communication involving mutual influence, usually
for the purpose of managing relationships. (Beebe and Beebe, p. 3) It was hard
for me to stop myself sometimes because I wanted to be right most of the time
but then I would reflect upon those difficult conversations and realize that I
didn't feel better afterwards and I didn't like that feeling of unresolved conflict.
Another challenge that would come up while trying to improve responding
to others is not to jump to conclusions and assume the worst of another person. I
know how I need to consider how other people react is different from how I
would react in a certain situation.

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Implementation:

When I set out this goal I didnt plan on the changes effecting me
emotionally. Learning to change my responding skills has given me the
confidence to speak openly. Ive had to question the purpose of communicating
effectively to understand how applying communicating effectively helps much
more. One pivotal change of communication behavior was when I learned about
applying the Appraisal Theory of Emotion during one of the Chapter Discussions,
I wrote about an experience I encountered with using the Appraisal Theory of
Emotion:

Evaluating this situation has opened my mind to become better aware of

my emotions and how I choose to respond in a situation. Applying The Appraisal
Theory of Emotion in this situation helps me 1) Notice my surroundings, and my
physical senses like my body-language, demeanor and tone. 2) When my
emotions run high, like when I started yelling at my family, and becoming angrier
to notice these heightened rushes and 3) Giving my mind the time to interpret my
emotion. My emotions come off strong and sometimes when I dont have my
mind in the right sense, I can act on emotions. Based on my own personal
experience, acting on emotions has not helped me communicate effectively. With
knowing how emotionally strong I can become, this theory would definitely apply
to pause for a moment and think about the impact I want to createThe
appraisal theory is a powerful concept that helps us understand that we are not
the victims of our emotions. We are active agents who create our own emotional
experience(Chapter 2 Readings, Appraisal Theory of Emotion). I encountered a

similar situation with one of my co-workers who came to me upset with another
co-worker sharing private information about her on a public system at work. My
co-worker wanted to send an email to my supervisor and the other co-worker, the
email was vicious and emotional. I remember the Appraisal Theory of Emotion
and mentioned how it applied to me. I asked her to take a step back and think
about sending the email because her job wasnt worth losing. She understood and
chose not to send the email after calming down.

After the scenario with the situation with the cosigner I had at work, I
listened to the call with my supervisor. I felt like her hanging up wasnt solving
anything but I questioned what I could have done more to help the situation
where both parties would be satisfied. When I listened to the call I thought it was
a tough situation and tried to put myself in the cosigners shoes, then I thought
about what I needed to do as a Senior Account Manager to help the cosigner. I
wanted to excel at work. I realized I couldn't turn back time with that particular
cosigner but moving forward I could come up with some sort of talk-off with
similar cosigners. In this particular situation being an ambush listener does not
help so learning to not respond in an ambush manner would help, too. Using the
strategy to be patient then respond would help in the long run. I came up with a
talk off to say something of this sort:

I respect that you want to reach out to the borrower, my concern is we have
been unable to reach the borrower and we have a limited amount of time to work with
you to avoid the loan from charging off.

I then used this to paraphrase when speaking with cosigners and I got
positive feedback with my calls. With saying this, I would offer to 3-way call
borrowers with the cosigners on the line to attempt to reach the borrower if we
were unable to reach the borrower if we were unable to reach the borrower then
the cosigner would try but I would be clear as far as the goal of the loan and what
we both needed to do to resolve the delinquency. By social decentering and
using..A cognitive process in which you take into account another persons
thoughts, values, background and perspectives as you interact with him or her.
(Beebe and Beebe, p. 136) I understood where customers were coming from
because I have a personal financial life too.

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Results
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The positive consequences I experienced during this communication

change is responding effectively can help others around me, and improve
different communication scenarios, not just with responding but with listening,
being empathetic, negotiating and being aware of deception too. Another positive

consequence of learning to change how I respond to others helped me realize

communication is not limited. I have improved the quality of my calls at work, I
listen more and try to understand my family and friends by probing and being
patient with them. By learning to respond proficiently, the interpersonal
relationships with my family, friends, co-workers and customers hold value and
quality.

The negative consequences trying to implement this communication

change is one-sided. When issues are not resolved or even spoken about. A
negative consequence is if emotions are high and stakes are high, a person
responding may not have communication skills and conflict may not be resolved.
I am satisfied with the attempted changes to responding effectively. I have
learned to listen to myself by controlling my emotions, feelings and being aware
of my surroundings. I am satisfied with the changes because the outcomes have
been positive. I understand how realistic I can be with asking useful questions,
rather then bluntly asking questions where it can come off as abrasive.

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Recommendations:
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Yes, I will continue this course of action because it has proven a positive
over negative outcome. Im glad I chose the goal to improve my responding skills
because I can use them anywhere I go, well if they understand the English
language that is. With my present line of work, I realize the impact I have on my
co-workers around me, too. I notice when I say certain things that help my calls,
my peers use similar verbiage. We do not relate and then talk, but relate in talk.
(Beebe and Beebe, p. 10) When I need to modify my actions, yes I would be
willing to try a new process or implement other strategies to respond more
effectively. This project has given me the confidence to not be afraid to try new
things, I need to analyze procedures and think smart about what my objective is
and weigh options as pros and cons then make a decision. Thank you for this
opportunity.

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Works Cited

Beebe, Steven A. Susan J. Beebe and Mark V. Redmond. Interpersonal

Communication: Relating to Others. Boston: Pearson, 2014. Print.

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