Rebecca Watts

Com 122 Section 18

November 12, 2015
Present the Self: Image Management
My goal is to improve my communication skills by learning how to better present myself.
This has many different aspects, all relating to communication in different ways. This paper will
focus on the impact of our presentation on others, emphasizing verbal and non verbal
communication. To do this I will use Private Language, Non Verbal Communications and
Acquisition of Psychological Concepts by Elena Claudia Constantin and the book How to Win
Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie.
The article by Elena Constantin analyzes our private language, which often presents itself
in the form of non verbal communication. This article suggests that non verbal communication
comes first in life, like the cry or laugh of a baby or the anger that a young child might feel. It is
only later that we connect words to these emotional reactions. This means that our non verbal
communication is the truest indication to how we really feel. This seems logical, the first reaction
is not normally planned, and is harder to control, and therefore should express more accurately
your opinions. For this reason, many people study and pay great attention to the non verbal
communication of others.
Another interesting concept covered in the article is that despite the fact that emotions are
somewhat undefined until we attach words, they look the same on people of many different
ethnicities. People from all over the world had similar facial expressions when feeling joy,
surprise, fear, disgust, sadness, and despise. I feel that this is accurate. Because of this, people
who dont speak the same language can still communicate, even if its not on a very high level.
This is an important concept, because it allows us to understand how others are feeling or
reacting to us without having to rely on what they say.

Rebecca Watts
Com 122 Section 18
November 12, 2015
All of this explains why non verbal communication is so important. It is easy to send the
wrong message with how we are acting, even if we are saying the right words. An example of
this might be when your mom asks you to do the dishes and you say yes, but your shoulders
slump and the expression on your face conveys that you are put out by the request. In order to
communicate clearly and have a more unified presentation of yourself, it is essential that your
non verbal communication is in harmony with your verbal communication.
How to Win Friends and Influence People focuses on how we communicate verbally, and
how to do so in a way that has a positive impact on people. It outlines basic concepts that can be
used to create a positive reaction in others. Much of the way that people react to you is based not
on what you say, but how you say it. If you want someone to find you interesting, then be
interested in the same things they are. If they like basketball, then they will find you boring if all
you want to talk about is golf. Part of focusing on them is using and remembering their name.
This makes them feel important, after all the sweetest sound in the world is that of our own
name. I believe that this is manifested when you shout a name into a crowded hall, and everyone
with that name turns.
This book also mentioned how to deal with conflicts and help people to see from your
point of view. When expressing negative emotions, always focus on I. If you say you dont
understand me then they are more likely to be defensive, and not listen to you. However, if you
say I dont feel understood, then they are much more understanding, and you have a much
better argument to stand on. I believe that this is because people dont like to feel attacked, and
the first way is attacking them, while the second is expressing your emotions. In order to win
people over to your view, you must show how it benefits them. We have reasons for everything
we do. Therefore, someone is going to be more willing to do something if the benefit is obvious.

Rebecca Watts
Com 122 Section 18
November 12, 2015
From this source I learned that when communicating with others it is not only important
what you mean, but how you say it. There are many ways of expressing the same thing, but while
some trigger positive reactions, others trigger negative ones. The best way to connect with others
is metaphorically go where they are. Talk about things that interest them, and see them as they
see themselves. When you present yourself in terms they understand, then they will comprehend
better, and even try harder to understand what you are saying.
These things will help me as I strive to present myself better. I can use what I have
learned to bring my verbal and non verbal communication into harmony. I will also be able to
express myself in such a way that those around me can comprehend and relate. They will also
help me to better understand those around me.
These principles are easily applied to a workplace setting. They help in relationships with
coworkers as well as customers. I work as an outside salesperson and so these skills are essential.
Most people buy because they like you, and presenting yourself well makes it that much easier.
You also cant express conflicting emotions, because it makes it a lot harder for them to trust
you. It is also an essential skill when dealing with conflict, weather with a coworker or customer.
If you arent able to express yourself in a way that brings down their defenses and help them
understand you, while sending the same message verbally and non verbally, then you wont get
anywhere.
I am going to apply this as I work with people on a daily basis. I am going to pay more
attention to my non verbal communication. I will also practice speaking in a way that invites
understanding and collaboration. I will set goals and review them, so that I make continual and
measurable progress toward them.

Rebecca Watts
Com 122 Section 18
November 12, 2015
Bibliography
Carnegie, Dale. (1981). How to Win Friends and Influence People (Rev. ed.).
New York, New York: Simon and Schuster.

Bia, C. - C., & Constantin, E. C. (2015). Private language, non verbal communication and
acquisition of psychological concepts. Procedia - Social and Behavioral Sciences, 191, 1854
1858. doi:10.1016/j.sbspro.2015.04.320