Iberri-Gutierrez

Jonathan D. Iberri-Gutierrez
Zack De Piero
Writing 2
3 November 2015
Family abuse!
Family abuse, one of the banes of the human world. In every nation, from the United States to
Somalia, has family abuse. It is sickness that has existed for ages. Family abuse or family violence is
documented across all forms of genre be it academic journals to regular newspapers. Family abuse
appears in all genres. However, even though they address and analyze the same topic does not mean they
do it the same. Family abuse is a topic addressed in different genres that will continue to appear no matter
how different the genres are from one another. It is addressed in academic articles and non-academic
articles but these genres have various features and moves that make them unique.
For my two scholarly articles I chose one article from the Psychology discipline and the other
from the Health discipline. The name of the article belonging to the Psychology discipline is, The effects
of parental components in a trauma-focused cognitive behavioral based therapy for children exposed to
interparental violence: study protocol for a randomized controlled trial by Margreet Visser. The one
belonging to the Health disciplined is named Domestic violence against women and associated factors in
Ethiopia; systematic review by Agumasie Semahegn. Both of these articles belong to the peer-reviewed
article genre. These article are usually written by a team of scholars in their certain field about various
topics and they are reviewed by other scholars before they published and because of this they are typically
more formal. For my non-academic source I chose an article by the LA Times called Murders: History of
Family Violence by Janice Mall. This article genre belongs to the informative news article genre. These
articles tend to have a balance between formality and informality. These pieces contain similarities and
differences that defines them within their genre.

Comment [1]: Hey Zack, I put the document under 11

font here on google docs so it stays as 6 pages of
writing. My actual paper that I submitted on
Gauchospace is at 12 font but google docs would make
it go over 6 pages. So I changed it on here.
Comment [2]: Gotcha.

Side note: make sure you capitalize the words in your
title.
Comment [3]: This sentence isn't complete, IG. You
could have:

Every nation, from the United States to Somalia, has
family abuse.

But by adding that "In" in there, you need to add more
to that last phrase....

In every nation, from the United States to Somalia,
family abuse *is a problem.*

You need to have a complete thought there.
Comment [4]: You've started 4 sentences (out of 5) with
"Family abuse" -- try to change it up. Variety is the
spice of life. :)
Comment [5]: Also, you already established what you're
saying in this sentence. (No need to say it twice.
Remember that "train" metaphor?)
Comment [6]: I need more of a specific, driving thesis
statement, IG. What, exactly, are you going to be
arguing here? And what specific points are you going
to use to make that case? What about the conventions
within this genre will you be emphasizing? Also: do
you think itd help your reader (technically, me) to lay
out which specific sources youll be using to make your
case? I don't know what disciplines you're looking at
yet...

I think you need to find a way to lay all of this out in an
interesting, quick, helpful way (for your reader).
Comment [7]: I like how you're using 1 paragraph to
establish background info about these sources -- nice
"move1" -- by doing this, it's out of the way and you can
keep your argument moving.

(Remember, though: I need to know upfront what,
exactly, you'll be arguing here.)

Iberri-Gutierrez 2

Two of the very first differences between the two genres is the audience they are for and the
language they use. The two scholarly articles are intended for scholars or students belonging to their
discipline while the news article is intended for the general public. The two scholarly pieces use language

Comment [8]: Page-long paragraph... You hate me,

don't you? :(
Comment [9]: Great! Audience and diction (language/
word choice) -- this is a clear topic sentence that will
help guide me through the paragraph.

that only their intended audience would typically understand for example, To explain these direct effects,
Emotional Security Theory and Cognitive Context theory have proposed several mechanisms that mediate
the developmental pathways towards psychosocial maladjustment and symptoms of IPV on children.
(Visser 2). This sentence from the piece written by Visser contains terms and words that a non-audience
member would not typically understand. On the other hand, the news article uses language that is fairly
easy to understand for example, The pattern that emerged among our study subjects was a history of

Comment [10]: You already said this -- get that train

rollin, IG. Tell me something new. Analyze something
within that sentence in more depth/detail.

victimization, plus some combination of factors like drug or alcohol abuse that reduces coping ability
(Mall 1). Language choice is important to genre as stated by Kerry Dirk in Navigating Genres, In
language, too much variation results eventually in lack of meaning (Dirk 259). It is implied in this

Comment [11]: Glad you're bringing in the course

readings already. Nice job.

statement that if language is too varied no one will be able to understand what a writer is trying to say
including the intended audience. Another key difference is they tone and style between the scholarly
articles and the news article. The two scholarly articles have a formal and informative tone. While, the

Comment [12]: OK, now can you tie this back to the
examples that you just laid out? How is that
varying/variation evident in those two quotes, and how
does that come back to your central argument?

news article has a more informal and informative tone. With the two scholarly articles they follow a strict
formal word choice which is reflected in the tone. The news article does not follow a strict word choice
and this is also reflected in the tone. Another very important difference is the conventions and format of
the pieces. The two academic articles follow a strict format of an abstract that summarizes the contents,
an introduction of the article and its topic, the methods used to gather the results in the article, the results,
and ending with a discussion and conclusion. The news article does not follow a set format. It introduces
the topic, then gives data concerning the topic and finally analyzes the data. This can be changed from
writer to writer however. The academic journals cannot really be changed by the writer so they typically
follow the format typical of a scientific paper.

Comment [13]: Evidence?

Iberri-Gutierrez 3

The two scholarly articles and the news article both share a similar purpose. All three intend to
inform the reader about the topic of family abuse or violence. While they may address and analyze family
abuse differently they all seek to inform their audience of it. Another similarity is that both genres have
the convention of using numerical data and the ideas of others in order to strengthen their statements. For

Comment [14]: Tell me more! This is interesting stuff!

Comment [15]: Already said this.

example, The greatest number of women suspects--36%--were accused of killing their husbands or
boyfriends, and three-quarters of these women said their mates had repeatedly battered and threatened
them (Mall 1) and In the United States, 16 % of all children witness IPV (Visser 2). The use of data
helps to support the statement and ideas that the writer states so they are more credible and more

Comment [16]: Great. I'd like you to elaborate even

more -- what kind of data is this? Why might they be
using this specific type of data? Think about audience
too -- who might find this persuasive, and why?

accepted. Another similar convention between the three is that all of the pieces are informative and are
based on facts. While the two academic articles may present different ideas and views both authors
provide support for these ideas. However, the formal rhetorical features of these two genres do not define
them as implied in the quote, people do not label a particular story as a joke because of formal features
but rather because of their perception of the rhetorical action that is occurring (Dirk 253). These
rhetorical actions or moves define pieces that make up a genre.
Moves are the small things that writers do that can shape an entire part of a paper or the paper
as a whole. One move Janice Mall makes in her LA Times article is giving the titles and achievements of
people she is quoting in her article. For example, Nancy Kaser-Boyd, a USC clinical assistant professor

Comment [17]: Only small things? And what do you

mean by "things"? Can you get more specific?]

(Steer clear of "things" -- it's really vague and
imprecise.)

of psychiatry and director of psychology at Ingleside Hospital in Rosemead (Mall 1). By doing this Mall
is increasing her credibility because she is getting support from a hospital psychology director statements.
Another move she does is the implication statement. This is shown by the line, The findings suggest that
there would be very few homicides committed by women if family violence were reduced (Mall 1). Mall
implies that she believes, if family abuse or violence were reduced so would homicides committed by
women. She does not state this directly because she cannot be 100% certain.

Comment [18]: Great follow-up analysis on your textual

evidence.

Iberri-Gutierrez 4

Malls purpose in this piece is too inform readers on how family abuse contributes to murders
cause by females. Mall uses numerical data and professional testimony as her evidence. The way she uses
it is first she makes a statement, then she supports it with a professionals testimony and finally she
finishes off with actual numbers to complete the support. This is a move in itself that I call the hook,
line, and sinker. Their likely audience is the general public who are interested in the topic of family abuse
and how it affects women. The only inference we can make for the audiences expectation is that the
article will be about family abuse and how it affects women. Mall constructs her piece in a way were it
unfolds by first introducing the topic and then listing off all associated support.
The first move Margreet Visser does is called introducing what they say. The move is seen in
the line, Interparental violence (IPV) is both common and harmful (Visser 2). She then follows up with
the move called explaining why this matters, for example, Evans found a strong association between
exposure to IPV and trauma symptoms in children (Visser 2).
As said in the article So What? Who Cares? Saying Why It Matters by Birkstein & Graff, The best
way to answer such [So what?] questionsis to appeal to something that your audiencecares about

Comment [19]: IG, I kinda feel like you're jumping

around a bit randomly here. What's the rationale for
your organization/structure here? There was the intro,
then background info, then audience, the purpose, then
moves of each individual piece.

Once you pin down your argument a bit more -- what,
exactly, you're trying to convince me of -- I want you to
consider whether this organization/structure is the best
fit. There might some better alternatives out there.

Comment [20]: Way to "massage" the quote here. Nice

use of brackets. :)

(Birkstein & Graff 97). She appeals to the audience by saying that IPV is connected to trauma in
children. It could be inferred that if IPV was reduced so would childhood trauma. Another move the
author does is introducing the speaker(s) or contributor(s) shown by, To illustrate, Davies et al. and Katz
et al. found (Visser 2). This move allows a writer to give someone credit for their work but allows
them [the writer] to continue on with their statement. It allows a reader to continue reading on without
having take a weird pause. A major move this writer makes is placing paragraphs containing similar
information together under one sub-title. This makes it easy for a reader of this article to find information
by just looking at the sub-titles.
The authors purpose in this piece is to inform those interested in how interparental violence
[IPV] or family violence effects children and how therapy involving parents may affect them. The author

Comment [21]: Nice observation, and this is definitely

an important move, but didn't you already mention
something like this in the previous paragraph?

Iberri-Gutierrez 5

uses numerical evidence as well as the work and ideas of others in order to support the contents of their
piece. Their audience is most likely those who belong to the psychology field who may perform therapy
for children who experienced IPV. The audience most likely expects an article that gives a basis and
instructions on how to perform the therapy and possible results. This piece is set-up in the manner in that
unfolds in an organized manner with all the information.
In the final article, Agumasie Semahegns first move is introducing standard views. For

Comment [22]: What do you mean 1st move?

example, Violence is defined by the world health organization (Semahegn 2). In actuality, the author
makes two moves in one phrase first they introduce the standard view of violence, then they state who
gave this definition, this second move is called signaling who says what. This is effective way to give
credit to another person without having to stop in the middle of a thought. Another move the author
used is one I call short and sweet summaries. In this move the author gives a brief summary of each
section in the article all in the abstract. This move prevents readers from going into the article blind and
gives them a small understanding of the contents beforehand. Another move Semahegn does is that he
places small diagrams within the article that correspond to proceeding or following paragraphs. This helps
to clarify information for readers and makes the article overall easier to go through.
The authors main purpose in this article is to inform readers about domestic violence against
woman in Ethiopia. The author uses numerical data gathered from different studies and ideas others to
support their statements. Their audience is likely those in the medical field who intend to treat Ethiopian
women who experience domestic violence. This piece like the other scholarly article is set-up in an
organized manner to make the information within it as easy to find and understand as possible.
Non-academic pieces and scholarly texts alike can accomplish any things the other cannot. As it
was implied in Dirks Navigating Genres, people do not label a particular story as a joke because of
formal features but rather because of their perception of the rhetorical action that is occurring (Dirk 253).
It depends on the views of readers and writers themselves of what a piece can accomplish. The general

Comment [23]: :)

Iberri-Gutierrez 6

public may find a non-academic piece easier to understand but find it to be less informative. On the other
hand, a scholarly text may contain vast information but may be very hard to understand for those not
associated with the topic and field. The amount of persuasiveness depends on the writers chosen
language and set-up to get their point across. Affordances and limitations contribute to a genres overall
effectiveness by allowing the piece to have meaning because In language, too much variation results
eventually in lack of meaning (Dirk 259). So in the end too many large words can make an article
nineteen pages of gibberish and wasted time on both ends.

Works Cited

Comment [24]: I think you could find your thesis

statement in here, my man -- or at least something
close(r) to it!

Iberri-Gutierrez 7

1. Mall, Janice. "Murders: History of Family Violence." Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles Times, 08
June 1986. Web. 02 Nov. 2015.
2. Visser, Margreet M., Machteld D. Telman, J. Clasien De Schipper, Francien Lamers-Winkelman,
Carlo Schuengel, and Catrin Finkenauer. "The Effects of Parental Components in a Traumafocused Cognitive Behavioral Based Therapy for Children Exposed to Interparental Violence:
Study Protocol for a Randomized Controlled Trial." BMC Psychiatry 15.1 (2015): n. pag. Web.
3. Semahegn, Agumasie, and Bezatu Mengistie. "Domestic Violence against Women and
Associated Factors in Ethiopia; Systematic Review." Reproductive Health Reprod Health 12.1
(2015): n. pag. Web.
4. Dirk, Kerry. "Navigating Genres." Writing Spaces: Readings on Writing. West Lafayette, IN:
Parlor, 2010. 253+. Print.
5. Graff, Gerald, Cathy Birkenstein, and Russel K. Durst. "They Say/I Say": The Moves That Matter
in Academic Writing: With Readings. New York: W.W. Norton, 2012. Print.

Iberri-Gutierrez 8

Writing 2 Feedback Matrix for WP1

Table of Textual Features

Did Not Meet

Met Expectations

Expectations

Exceeded
Expectations

Thesis Statement

Use of Textual Evidence

X/X-

Use of Course Readings

Analysis

Organization/Structure

Attention to

X-

X-

from Genres

Genre/Conventions and
Rhetorical Factors
Sentence-level Clarity,
Mechanics, Flow

Other Comments

Iberri-Gutierrez,
I thought that this paper was much stronger than your last one -- nice job,

Iberri-Gutierrez 9

dude. To take this to the next level, here are some ideas:
-Be super-clear about what it is that youre arguing. Move past
describing and get to evaluating -- try to pinpoint the so what? of this

assignment as much as possible

-Consider what kinds of data/evidence these different sources are using
(and why they might use that) and what kinds of RQs theyre asking
-Think about what kind of structure/organization would be best suited for
your argument
-Consider working in moves earlier on and adding in more of them -- I
thought that your section on moves was very good, and Id love to see
even more of it.

Z
7.5/10