WP2

Paragr
aph

Initial
Submission

#1
(Thesis
Stateme
nt)

For these I
would just
like to to look
back at my
paragraphs
because I do
not want to
copy and
paste my
whole
paragraphs
onto this
chart. It is
long enough
as it is. I will
simply be
referring to
the original
paragraphs. I
made no
major
structural
changes.

Final, Revised
Submission

I added the
disciplines I
of these many topics that was talking
about and
are constantly being
changed my
thesis
talked about and studied statement in
order to make
by different disciplines
it more
arguable.
and throughout different Added my
personal
genres. In order to
opinion
because that is
explore the economy
what my
classmates
and
advised me to
do in the
psychology disciplines DocAThon.
Happiness is one

approachesor moves
to covering the same
topic, I examined two
scholarly articles and an
online article that all
analyzed happiness in
different ways. Both
scholarly articles
discussed the effects of

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outside stressors on
happiness, while the
online article debated
the validity of the effects
of outside sources on
happiness, which I
happen to disagree
with .

#2

. However, the paper

read confusingly and
was not very effective
because the connection
between climate and
economics was not fully
explained, but rather
separated into
subcategories
throughout the paper.

I decided to
add why the
paper was
easier to
understand but
also why it
read
cofunsingly
despite being
easier. I
wanted to
make sure my
audience
understood
that the overall
article was
easier to
understand but
there was no
real
connection
between the
two disciplines
discussed.

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#3

Unchanged

#4

Unchanged

#5

Unchanged

#6

The magazine in which

this article was found is
an outdoors and
everyday living
magazine, so the author
must have had a fairly
accurate idea of , as
mentioned in Mike
Bunns How to Read
Like a Writer, who [it
was] for [which] can
help explain why the
author might have made
certain choices or used
particular techniques in
writing (115).

I added textual
evidence from
our readings
because in my
original
submission I
had literally 0
textual
evidence and it
weakened my
paper. I
wanted to
incorporate
more textual
evidence in
order to
strengthen my
thesis and the
connections I
made.

#7

Neither of the articles

really included questions
but they were all based
around the topic of
happiness and how their
disciplines affected it.
The scholarly articles
sought to make
connections between
certain disciplines and
happiness, but the
magazine articles
objective was to
entertain and inform the
reader informally. The

I added further
explanation of
why I claimed
that the first
scholarly piece
was both
easier to
understand but
also more
confusing
because of the
lack of
connections.

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data the scholarly
articles used was
presented in graphs and
charts, which made it
more difficult to
interpret than that of the
magazine article, which
was sprinkled and
slipped into the paper.
#8

The economics and

climate article was the
least effective of the
three, because contrary
to Birkenstein & Graffs
advice in As a Result,
the article made no real
connection between the
two disciplines
discussed. Making a
connection could have
helped to prevent such
disconnection and
ma[de] [its] writing
flow (124).

Added
evidence from
my readings in
order to
discuss the
moves the
writers made
in order to tie
this paragraph
back to my
thesis!

The scholarly articles

and the magazine
articles had different
goals in terms of the
effect they would have
on their audiences, and
the ways in which they
delivered their data
determined the
effectiveness of their
pieces. All three pieces
viewed happiness in
different ways, and
although I disagreed
with the magazine
article, the information
of the piece was
delivered in such a way
that it may have been
more believable to its
audience than the

I added this
explanation of
why I believe
that the
authors used
the moves that
they decided to
use. I wanted
to find a way to
justify the
readings that I
ended up
adding when
revising my
paper.

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scholarly articles were
specially thanks to its
simple layout.