Yoon 1

Ji young Yoon
Professor M. McCampbell
English 101
December 14, 2015
Ji Ilove your detils and commentary. You put a lot of thought into yoru reflection. However,
there is great irony in your self assessments of writing clearly and coherently but your sentences
are not clear and coherent. This shows that you need to continue to work with student tutors and
writing center staff as well as read more articles and books to improve how you use English.
Reflective Essay

34/50

As an international student, I have a long way to go as a writer with English. My strong

part is I have ideas that I can write with my own unique view. My weaknesses are fixing essays,
writing clear words and using correct grammar. Specially, I got failed on ESOL 052 class before,
so my self-esteem about writing was low. Even I got lower self-esteem of writing in the
beginning, English 101 class was very helpful to me. I was learned a lot of writing skills and was
able to advance to challenging higher level of English. Specially, I learned organized topics and
details well, clear writing for audiences, and making less grammar and word choice error.
First, my essays improve write well-organized, unified, coherent essays with clear and
complete thesis statements that express a purpose. According to my first essay, Money Changes
Everything 1.0, my thesis statement is throughout my lifetime, money positively changes my
thought, motivation, and behavior (Yoon 1). I got six out of ten on the thesis statement. My first
thesis statement was weak and too specific, and need transition. One main sentence was not fit in

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the essay, and most of my body parts needed more details. I tried to put lots of information in
short essay, so I could not put details. My fourth essays thesis was using electronic devices
before going to bed causes health problems, so people should avoid electronics least two hours
before going to bed or use display-altering software (Yoon 1). Thesis statement is two points
improve from first essay. Also, I got five out of ten on structure and coherence on my first essay.
My structures topic sentences did not match paragraph structure, and I was not use transitions on
the essay. I got seven out of ten on paragraph structure, and eight out of ten on coherence. My
structure on essay 4 was good but one paragraph was not clear. Coherence is three points
improve on my essay. My essays are getting clear and have well-organized.
Second, use language in a manner appropriate to a given audience. Still I wrote some
confuse words. However, I am not using slang and confuse words with other meanings on
essays. According to Money Changes Everything 1.0, I wrote suck it up on the essay (Yoon
2). I wrote screw up and guys on The Other Wes Moore (Yoon 4). Using slang is not a
good manner for audiences. I am not writing slang any more on my academic writing. Some of
main points are unclear, and do not have details for audience can understand on the first essay. I
did not get questions about more information from people anymore. Still I got confuse how to
communicate with readers. I am thinking more how to tell audiences clearly.
Third, conform to the grammar, punctuation, and spelling rules of standard written
English with a minimum of errors. According to The Other Wes Moore, I wrote destmechive
on second essay instead of destructive (Yoon 1). I still made lots of mistakes and errors.
Specially, I made lots of mistakes from grammar. I am trying to not make errors from spellings.
One of big change is I am checking and fixing the essays as much as I can. When I was in ESOL
classes, I was not really reading and fixing my essays over and over. In English 101 class, I

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learned that I need to read more than three, four times for find and fix errors to make my essays
better.
Writing will be my one of challenge in my life while I am living in the America as a
foreigner. In English 101 classes I got improve my writing skills a lot. I can write clear thesis
statement with well-organized. I am not using slang on academic writing and try to give
information well. I read essays more than three times for fixing grammar and spelling errors. As
a next step, I would better to organize my ideas well for improve my strong part. I need to read
books and write essays, so can practice choose words clearly, use grammar correctly.

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Work cited I like how you did this!

J, Yoon. Do Electronic Devices Cause Health Problems? 07 Dec. 2015. Web. 11 Dec. 2015
J, Yoon. Money Makes Everything. Sep. 2015. Web. 11 Dec. 2015.
J, Yoon. The Other Wes Moore. 21 Oct. 2015. Web. 12 Dec. 2015
ENGL 101
M. McCampbell
Fall 2015

e-Portfolio Assessment Project

Scoring Rubric for Reflective Essay
Topic
Introduction 0 5 pts
>4

Does not meet C

criteria
0 2 points
One or two sentences
mentioning ENGL
101; inflated/self
gratuitous statement
about development;
only one sentence
assessing your
development as a
writer.

Para 2: description of
general writing/study
habits throughout the
semester
0 5 points
>3

General description
about writing process;
less than 3 specific
details; little or no
mention of change
during the semester

Para 3: ENGL 101

course objectives
from syllabus
0 5 points
>5

Identifies fewer than

three objectives from
syllabus, general
comments on change,
no specific details
from essays.

Meets C criteria

Exceeds C criteria

3 points
Introductory
statement about this
semesters
experience in ENGL
101, gives brief
overview of criteria to
discuss and clearly
assesses your
development as a
writer.
Objective description
of recursive process
(e.g. preparation,
revising, and editing);
include changes in
habits or state some
habits did not change.
Use at least three
specific details.
Identifies three
objectives from
course syllabus and
comments on any
change (ideally
improvement)
throughout the
semester. Uses
specific comments

4 5 points
Also includes
thoughts, goals, or
misgivings at the
beginning of the
semester and firmly
connects your
assessment with your
goals or expectations.
Objective description
of a variety of
processes involved in
writing and comment
on whether you did or
did not try new
approaches or
strategies
Identifies and
comments on nature
of improvement, or if
no improvement,
comments on static
results.

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from graded papers
or scoring rubric

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Para 4: ENGL 101

Major topics from
syllabus
0 5 points
>4

Para 5 Reflective
statement
20 points
>17 Your details and
connections show
how you have been
focusing on your
work.

Composition,
grammar, and
mechanics 1
This is a sad grade;
howeer, you have
many sentences that
are very hard to
understand and
shows you needed to
proofread or get
assistance from the
writing center.

0 2 points
Identifies fewer than
three major topics
from syllabus, general
comments on change,
no specific details
from essays.

0 10 points
Offers a general
judgment;
Judgment is not
clearly supported with
examples from
paragraphs 2 4;
Uses fewer than three
specific details;
Shows little insight or
reasoning about your
development
Inflated assessment
of development.

0 4 points
Essay is too short
significantly fewer
than 400 words
No topic sentences
Overuse of second
person pronoun
Poor proofreading
Distracting grammar
errors

3 points
Identifies three major
topics from course
syllabus and
comments on any
change (ideally
improvement)
throughout the
semester. Uses
specific comments
from graded papers
or scoring rubric
11 15 points
Makes a clear
judgment of
development as a
writer through the
course of the
semester. The
judgment may be
mixed: improvement
in some areas, no
change in others,
frustration in some
areas, a sense of
achievement in
others. Connects
judgment with at least
three specific details
from paragraphs 2
4, and shows some
insight or reasoning
about why you
improved did not
improve.
5 7 points
Essay is at least 400
words
Every paragraph has
a topic sentence
Every paragraph is
coherent and
completely developed
One or two second
person pronouns slip
in; one or two p/a agr
errors
3 grammar &
mechanics errors

4 5 points
Identifies and
comments on nature
of improvement, or if
no improvement,
comments on static
results.

16 20 points
In addition, the areas
of improvement/no
improvement are
clearly represented in
the examples and
clearly related to
course goals and
objectives.
Comments also will
include your insight
connecting your study
habits, personal
expectations, and
strengths and
weaknesses with the
more specific course
objectives.

8 10 points
Essay does not have
to be 600 words, but
all ideas are clearly
and completely
developed.
One or two grammar,
spelling, and
mechanics errors.

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