Running head: ADOLESCENT

Growing Up
Kelly E. Burg
Wayne State University

ADOLESCENT

Life Experiences
Everyone dreams to have the perfect family. A mother, a father, and siblings all living in
the same house under the same roof. When people viewed my family, they thought I had the
perfect family and the perfect home life. People believed that my family never argued and my
brother and I had everything we could ever dream of. For a while we did. My father came from a
very wealthy family. My grandfather owned his own company, when he passed away he gave the
company to my father, who then took over. Therefore, my mother, my brother, and I were all set.
Well at least we thought so. My mother never had to work a day in her life because she thought
we had it all.
Until one day my world turned upside down. My father decided to move my brother and
him out of our home in the middle of the night on my mothers birthday. My father abandoned
my mother and me in a half a million dollar home with absolutely nothing. He turned the hot
water and heat off, had my mothers car towed away, and completely cleared the bank account
out. We had nothing but each other to look at. My mother had to find a job so she could support
her and me.
My father didnt speak to me from that day he left when I was about eight years old until
I was a freshman in high school. He missed my young years growing up. He missed many
birthdays, Christmas, Graduations, and different sporting events. Every day I would have to
think about why my father left us. I never understood what was going on. Later we found out that
my father got another woman pregnant and had another daughter. He left me and had another
daughter to watch grow up. Still to this day I have not met my half-sister. Without the help of my
mother, my Grandmother, and my uncles I would never be the person I am today. My mother and
I would not have survived without them.

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As years went on, my mother got on her feet and got her life back together. She found
herself a job and a home for her and I to live at. She was able to support her and I with the help
of my family. We may not be living the life we once had, but we wouldnt trade it for anything.
We are grateful for the family and everything we have. The situation was for the better and made
my mother and me stronger in our everyday life.
Effects of Life Events
After my father left, all I did was question myself. Was it because of me? What did I do
wrong? Why doesnt he love us? These questions would repeat over and over in my head for
years. Sometimes they still cross my mind. Being at the lowest part in my life and not having
anything but my family made me realize the true meaning about life. It made me understand
what is important and what isnt. Although the divorce itself had a physiological effect on me, it
also had a psychological effect. I experienced not eating, not sleeping, and depression very
young.
These issues still impact me today, but not as bad as they once did. I have a hard time
trusting anybody that comes into my life. I have a fear that he or she will leave me and
abandoned me like my father did. It is hard getting close to anyone or anything. I believe that I
will always have my guard up. There are still issues that my father and I face today. I know that I
cant always count on him because who knows what may happen in the end. If knowing he left
me once, how can I prove to myself he wont ever leave me again?
My father has made huge improvements. It is all because of my step mother. If my father
and step mother never got married, I believe that I would never started speaking to him again. I
still want to build a relationship with my father because at the end of the day he is my dad and I
cant change that. I want my children to have a grandfather and I still want that daddy daughter

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relationship every girl dreams of. Therefore, my relationship with my father has to be redefined
with him.
The cognitive development and information processing theory, Piagets theory, plays a
role in the effects of my life. This occurs when a child is usually 11 or 12 years old. At this stage
I was able to use my own mind and process the different events that were happening in my life. I
was also able to ask myself certain questions to try to get the answers to the issues that was going
on. At this stage I was also allowed to think of my own idea that I believe was the answer to the
problem.
Sexuality
Growing up, I tried to get my mind off my father and my mother as much as possible. At
a very young age I started my little crushes, on boys. I was totally boy crazy. My trust issues
began to effect and still effect my relationships to this day. I have been with my boyfriend for
almost three years and I still in the back of my head over think every situation. I always think
that he is going to leave me and it scares me. I have never had any issues with my sexuality. I
never questioned it at all. I just had a problem by always wanting to be with someone and having
every bad thought in the back of my mind. I constantly question every situation that happens. I
also over analyze every situation.
Most of my family is married. They both were married and got divorced or they still are
married. I have one uncle who is gay. My relationship with him is the best relationship a niece
and an uncle could ever have. We are best friends. We talk about every problem each of us is
having. With this being said, my family is diverse when it comes to sexuality. It makes my
family unique and interesting.
Freuds psychodynamic theory plays a role in my sexuality. Since I had issues with my
father growing up as a child it made me have issues with trust in other men. Since this tragic
event happened when I was younger, it has stuck with me ever since. I dont see it ever going

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away. I believe that I will always have trust issues with people who come into my life. Even
though this isnt fair to some people. It just is the way it is.
Drugs
With the issues I faced, I could have went down the wrong paths in life easily. I could
have gotten involved in drugs or another addiction that could have ruined my entire life. This
wasnt the case. I was an athlete and all about sports. I was completely against drugs and refused
to ever try any drug, even smoking marijuana. Nothing in the world made me more disgusted
then drugs. I am extremely proud of my decisions because it made me strong and showed that I
wasnt weak by wanting to try something to make myself feel better.
Even though I wasnt involved in drugs, I had one close family member that was. She
was and still is like a sister to me. My cousin was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at a young
age. Rheumatoid arthritis affects the joints and it can be very painful for someone who has it. My
cousins was put on painkillers at a very young age to help with the pain. She began taking the
pills to help with her pain without knowing it was going to lead her to something stronger. My
cousin got addicted to taking the pills to help her feel better and when it wasnt enough, she
turned to heroin.
She was able to seek out for help and recover. My cousin went away to rehab for over a
year and a half. She has now been sober for over three years. Amanda is now a mother to a
beautiful baby boy who is now my godson. I believe that he is the reason she is still sober and I
couldnt be more proud of how strong she is and the woman that she has become.
Peer Pressure
Growing up, I always liked to be a person that friends of mine would look up to. I wanted
to try to set an example for my younger friends because many people knew my background of
my life story and couldnt believe my mother and I got through it. There was nothing in the
world that was more important to me then my sports. Volleyball and softball took over my high
school years. I was placed on the Varsity team my freshman year for softball. For volleyball I

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was placed on the JV team. This made me seek out friends that were in older grades because
there was so much time that was spent with them.
Some of these girls were great influences on me, when some of them werent so much.
Although I was never involved in drugs, I tried alcohol at a younger age. The older girls would
always have parties. At those parties there was always drinking that was occurring. Being a
freshman on any team that was higher than the freshman team was the greatest thing in the
world. I never wanted to get caught drinking or doing anything our coach would get mad at us
for doing.
I started hanging out with the girls that werent the best influence on me that always
wanted me to go out with them and party. Thank God that I was never caught for this. Looking
back at the many situations I was placed in Im very surprised none of us were ever caught. I let
peer pressure take over my gut feeling.
Being a freshman on varsity wasnt the only thing I wanted to be known for, but also
wanting the girls to like me. Therefore anything they would say it would be done. I started
getting involved in sexual relationships at a young age to because of the girls that were
surrounding me. They were doing it, so shouldnt I do it? That was the thought crossing my
mind. Thankfully nothing happened, such as getting pregnant at a young age. Knowing that I
wasnt ready for it, I never thought about it or cared at a time something was going on. Every girl
in high school just wants to fit in. They will do anything in the world to make people think
theyre cool.
Body Image
Body image was never really an issue to me. I was always a very tall and petite girl. The
only issue that I ever had with body image was being so tall. When third grade hit, I hit the
biggest growing spurt ever. Still to this day, it feels like Ive been the same height since then. For
many school plays, I and one other boy were always the two that were placed in the very back

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because of our height. I was the first of many of my friends, even upper classmen, to hit puberty.
It feels like my development happened very early.
My diet is the worst diet you could ever imagine. Im am one of the pickiest eaters ever.
Therefore, my body image should not be what it is like. Im very grateful, even though one day
Im sure it will all catch up to me. Being an athlete helped, due to so many different practices
and events I was always on the go. At times I would double sport, where I would play volleyball
and also cheer. Sometimes getting home from school would be at 8:00 at night, then the next day
would repeat.
Although I was never one to struggle with body image, my brother was. He was and still
is very big boned and a bigger man. Growing up he dealt with so many different circumstances
that had to deal with his weight. For football there would be games where he couldnt play
because he never made weight. He would work and work to try to lose weight. It was a huge
struggle for him. He still to this day struggles with his weight. I couldnt imagine dealing with
that on a day to day basis. I believe God made you the way you are because everyone is special
in their own way.
Family Dynamics
My family dynamics have defiantly changed over the year in many different ways. My
mother and father spilt up and got divorced when I was younger. My mother never needed to
work a day in her life. After the divorce she had to get a job. She never attended college because
she thought she would have been set for life. She was totally wrong. My mother is now a florist
designer and has been for over twelve years. I give her so much credit for the job she does, it is
both very physical and mental. She has to work very late on holidays and even works weekends.
As the years go on it is more of a struggle for her because of how much it takes a toll on her
body. Im very thankful and proud of the woman she has become. Our relationship is so strong

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because of what we went through together. We always know we can count on each other for
everything we need.
My father attended college and he received a degree in business. He was lucky enough to
inherit my grandfathers business. He later sold that business and now has another one. My father
has always been a hardworking man. He has come to the point where all he does is works. My
brother and I both currently work for him. My brother is 27 and is married and just had his first
child. Growing up me and my brother barley saw each other because of the situation we had with
our parents. Working with my brother has now made our relationship so much stronger than it
ever was. We are now best friends. I am loving every minute of it because we are now making up
the time we wasted apart. We are learning more and more about each other every day.
My mother and I are both very close to our extended family. I am extremely close with
one of my uncles on my mothers side. He is like my father to me. My uncle even pays for my
college tuition. I am the daughter he never had. Our bond is unbreakable. Our family is
extremely small, but I believe that is why we are all super close. We make sure we get together
on every single holiday and everyones birthday no matter the age he or she is turning. On my
fathers side, I only talk to one of my cousins. My father doesnt speak to any of them. When my
grandfather passed away, there was a huge family occurrence that happened and split them all
up. It is a very sad situation.
According to Eriksons psychosocial theory, I believe his theory with intimacy vs.
isolation plays a role in my family dynamics. This plays a role because I was never close to my
father growing up. I wanted to always have that father and daughter relationship. As the years go
on, I believe I am now isolating myself from him because of the emotional things he has done to
me in my life. There is many different things that I still to this day hold inside and I dont tell my
father. I hope one day our relationship will grow more than it already has.
Issues of Diversity

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The only issue of diversity that I have ever had was due to my gender. Being female, I
feel like sometimes we are looked down upon and looked in a way that we arent as strong as
men or as good as men in any athletic events. Like I said before, I enjoyed playing sports
growing up and I was very successful at them. One certain circumstance there was an issue that
concerned my gender. I wanted to play t-ball when I was younger. It was a team full of boys and
there were only two girls, me being one of them. The coach had an issue that there were two
females on his team with a team full of boys. Even though we were so young, he still had an
issue. He didnt want to play us as much as he was supposed to, therefore he would sit me and
the same girl at the same time. Our parents both went crazy, and then got the man fired. I still to
this day dont understand how this occurred because at the time we were 7 years old. We were all
super young and not even good at sports at the time.

References
Ashford,J. Lecroy,C.(2013). Human Behavior in the Social Environment: The Psychological
Dimension. (pp.95-140). Cengage Learning, CA: Brooks/Cole.