INT.

BAR - NIGHT
An NBA game plays on a television. Two voices narrate off-screen.
MAN1 (V.O)
Ball goes to guy. Guy runs to place. Does thing with ball...
MAN 2 (V.O.)
Crowd orgasms!
Pull out to reveal: Two men sitting in a bar. Bored stiff.
ERIC
Well -- at least we get one night a night a week away from the wives.
They clink glasses and drink in celebration. Mid-chug, a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN approaches.
WOMAN
You guys watching the game? FIrst half was crazy, right?
The guys look at her expressionless. Unflinching, she takes a seat next to them.
WOMAN (cont.)
You see when the guy ran to the place and did the thing?
(beat)
I just about orgasmed!
CUT TO:
INT. BAR - DANCE FLOOR - LATER THAT NIGHT
The three of laugh and dance innocently, singing along to a cheesy pop song.
INT. BAR - BAR CLOSE
The three hug drunkenly before parting ways.
EXT. STREET - CONT.
Rick and Eric stumble down the street. Eric stops, then grabs Rick by the arm.
ERIC
Are you gonna...

RICK
Tell my wife about the gorgeous woman we spent all night with? No way!
ERIC
Ok. Good.
The two nod, then continue stumbling into the night.
INT. BAR - A DIFFERENT NIGHT
The two men laugh and drink. In the b.g. the Beautiful Woman enters.
The two men see her, then stare abruptly at the ground. They briefly look up -- JUST in time to
make eye contact. She smiles, waves, and shuffles over.
The men look at each other with desperate eyes.
INT. DANCE FLOOR - LATER THAT NIGHT
They twerk and giggle like schoolgirls.
EXT. STREET - BAR CLOSE
Standing outside the club, she grabs her phone.
WOMAN
Im gonna add you guys on Facebook. What are your last names?
Rick and Eric look at each other. Eric shakes his head vigorously. Rick shrugs his shoulders.
WOMAN
(sternly)
Rick. Whats your last name?
RICK
Uh...
She looks up, impatient. Rick doesnt know what to say. After an awkward beat -- THWAP! -she drops to the ground.
Rick turns to see Eric holding a beer bottle. Stunned, he drops it.
RICK
Did you just...

They look down at her limp body on the sidewalk.

ERIC
IT WOULD APPEAR SO!
(beat)
Now what?!?
CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
Headlights of a parked car shine upon Rick and Eric, feverishly shovelling dirt onto a small
mound. Eric smoothes it over with his foot.
RICK
Well that wasnt what I had in mind for tonight.
ERIC
At least the wives wont know. Lets get out of here.
They turn towards the car to see a LITTLE OLD LADY with a walker, standing in the darkness.
RICK
Oh - come on!
CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS - CONT
Rick and Eric finish piling dirt onto a second mound. .
ERIC
(playing with her walker)
She was gonna soon anyway.
They shovel more dirt as a COP CAR pulls up. Panicked, they hide the shovels behind their
back.
CUT TO:

EXT. WOODS - CONT

Finishing up their third mound, they turn to see a man in a LARGE WHITE HAT emerge from the
darkness.
Its THE POPE. Rick and Eric look at each other.
OVER BLACK WE HEAR: THWAP!
CUT TO:
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
Rick wears THE POPE HAT as he puts the finishing touches on his grave. He turns to Eric.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK OUTSIDE NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT
Standing outside the club, they contemplate what to do.
RICK
Maybe we should just tell the wives what happened.
ERIC
Agreed.
Rick and Eric walk away. As they disappear into darkness, Eric reveals a CANE, which he
begins twirling. As he does - Rick pulls out the POPE HAT and puts it on.
END.