In all three drafts of the complaint narrative, I found it difficult to use stylistic sentences

in my writing. For my provocation, I wanted to attempt to revise a piece of my writing to

include more stylistic sentence types. While doing so, I found that the stylistic sentences
require a lot more detail than I would normally put into a piece of writing. Detail is one
of my weaker areas. By practicing these types of sentences, I think it definitely helped to
strengthen my use of detail and make me more comfortable with it.
Before:
I paced around the store cleaning up trash and wiping down the tables. Finally, I got
around to turning off the machines. I walked down the row of machines that lined the Las
Vegas style, purple and blue iridescent, tiled wall that my boss had paid way too much
money for. I turned each machine on night mode and went on with the rest of my
cleaning. Now, about 15 minutes past closing I heard the front door open and the clicking
of a womans high heel shoes behind me.
Excuse me miss, are you still open? asked the woman who I had not yet seen, but only
heard. I turned around to see a woman standing in a paisley print, maroon and black
knee-length dress and a fancy, black trench coat that hit just above the middle of her
thigh, nothing out of the ordinary for Hammonton folk. It was quite dark outside at this
point so I couldnt quite make out an exact number, but a group of what looked to be
about fifteen people were standing outside the store glaring in the windows. All of them,
a mix of children and adults, were dressed just as fancy as the lady standing before me.
After:
I paced around the store (practically destroyed by screaming children that came and went
throughout the day), cleaning up trash and wiping down the tables. I set down my
cleaning supplies and walked down the row of machines that lined the Las Vegas style,
purple and blue iridescent, tiled wall that my boss had paid way too much money for, but
was popular with the customers. I turned off each machine one by one, then proceeded to
finish the rest of the nightly chores: taking out the trash, washing trays, cashing out the
registers.
Fifteen minutes past closing. High Heels on the hardwood floor. Startled by the sound of
the footsteps behind me, my heart raced a little faster.

Samantha Depalma 5/29/2016 10:13 PM

Comment [1]: Interrupted Sentence (The
Aside)
Samantha Depalma 5/29/2016 6:55 PM
Comment [2]: Loose Sentence

Samantha Depalma 5/29/2016 6:58 PM

Comment [3]: Elliptical Sentence

Excuse me miss, are you still open?

She was standing in the doorway, in a red paisley print, knee-length dress, and black,
knee-length trench coat, perfectly falling black curls, framing her perfectly done makeup,
statured like that of royalty, staring, waiting for me to give her a response. She wasnt
alone. Glaring through the window of the storefront, a group of what looked to be about
fifteen people, kids and adults, stood awaiting the verdict, that would ultimately be mine
to make.

Samantha Depalma 5/29/2016 10:11 PM

Comment [4]: Repetition Sentence
Samantha Depalma 5/29/2016 6:55 PM
Comment [5]: Simple Sentence
Samantha Depalma 5/29/2016 10:14 PM
Comment [6]: Simple
sentence/Interruption