Progress Reflection/Activity 1

Module Title and Writing

Assignment:

Grade and Teacher

Comments

Strengths

Weaknesses

68%; I did not explain

the lesson of the story

Good vocabulary;
flowed well; used
imagery

Run-on sentences;
didnt consider the
audience

As soon as we walked
into the convention
center the next
morning, we heard the
normal loud screeching
of whistles; the wideopen, tall, and cold airconditioned convention
center; and the awful
smell of sweat covering
the place from top to
bottom.

It all started when I

committed to a
volleyball club in
September, I hoped I
made the correct choice
about who I am playing
with and what we played
for.

Good evidence that

proved thesis

Didnt revise essay well.

First Semester

Personal Statement

Good Food/Bad Food

85%; we lacked a call to

action

Some successful
interventions for
preventing childhood
obesity include
family- and schoolbased programs,
nutrition education,
dietary change,
physical activity, family
participation, and
counseling (Murphy).
Racial Profiling

73%; my pieces of
evidence were not
about specific events

At school or in the
household, Parents and
Teachers should be
forced to implement
physical activity in their
everyday life.

Good intro paragraph

with good background
information; a good
amount of
commentary;

Didnt have the correct

evidence, so it didnt
truly prove my thesis;
run-on sentences;
dumped quotes

Ever since the country

has been inhabited,
racial problems have
been present, whether

Racial profiling is so
deleterious that it can
cause feelings of
humiliation and

Into the Wild

85%; was an overall

good essay, but I
couldve used a more
variety of chapters as
evidence from the book

it is actual racism or
racial profiling.

worthlessness and lead

to self-esteem
problems. Those
targeted believe that
they deserve it or are
inferior in some way
(Racial).

Good evidence that

supports my thesis;
used non-dumped
quotes correctly; had
an overall good flow

Could have used a little

bit more commentary for
each piece of evidence;

According to Gallien,
an accomplished
hunter and woodsman,
McCandless had an
improbably light load
for a stay of several
months in the
backcountry, especially
so early in the spring
(Krakauer 4).

In the months before he

went to Alaska,
McCandless, burn[ed]
his car, burn[ed] all his
money, and claimed he
didnt need money
(Krakauer 30). Instead
of burning all of his
money, he should have
used it to buy better
equipment to live in the
wild of Alaska to ensure
his safety.

Module Title and Writing

Assignment:
Second Semester

Bullying Research Paper

75%; I only used 9

evidences rather than
12

Had good, nondumped evidence with

commentary that
reflected the evidence
well.
Study after study has
shown that there is a
positive relationship
between
cybervictimization and
suicidal behavior
which is hand in hand
with other
psychological illnesses
such as depression,
anxiety, and emotional
distress (Nixon 2-3).
The things people do
online can be very

Didnt correctly cite

different forms of
evidence.
Studies of 10 year olds
show that of the kids
being cyberbullied, 13%
report being
cyberbullied between 46 times in a given year
(Uhls 3)

hurtful. These illnesses

may not seem that bad,
but they are serious
problems that could so
easily be prevented.
The psychological
effects of cyberbullying
are ever-so clear and
show extreme cases in
depression and
emotional issues.

Bring a Text to Class

Predict your grade on

the essay assignment

What do you think were What do you think were

your strengths and
your weaknesses and
why?
why?

75%

Brave New World

73%; I had the basic

requirements, but I
needed more
commentary.

My strengths are that I

was passionate about
the topic, so my
evidence and the way I
portrayed to the
younger audience atleast was solid.

My weakness was that I

wasnt sure how to write
for an older audience.

Good evidence from

the source; good nondumped quotes

Drawing conclusions
poorly; lack of
commentary; needed to
be more specific with
my anecdotal evidence;

Alpha children dont

want to play with the
Delta children
because Delta
children wear khaki
(Huxley 27).

...more and more

people have one night
stands at parties or after
meeting them at clubs
or bars and end up
never talking to them
again. This is shown in
popular TV shows and
movies.