The three day session on Discovering Self was indeed one of a kind experience

which let me focus on myself exclusively for three days, which was a welcome break
from my regular routine where I hardly find time for myself. This helped me
understand the patterns in my life, the several roles that I take up when interacting
with others and how each of these roles influence the kind of decisions that I take. It
also took me back to my childhood, helped me look back at the milestones that have
shaped my life and the people who have influenced my life. It helped me truly
understand the person I am and showed me what I need to do to move towards the
person that I aspire to be.
The very first day of the session was full of excitement and curiosity as to what was
in store for us and also somewhere I was a little unsure of the activities in store for
us .However the very start of the programme with the unique introduction that Mr.
Ganapathy put forth, requiring each one to introduce the other through a song like
flow put all the uncertainties at ease and I was slowly feeling comfortable and in
sync with everyone present for the session.
We began by exploring the various emotions and I identified the way I reacted to and
expressed myself in different situations. This was followed by drawing our self
portrait on a chart paper with all the emotions. This is something I really enjoyed
doing and drawing on a chart paper took me back to my school days and I was
drawing the portrait with full involvement. However the insights I received about the
drawing that I had made through my interactions with the instructors really surprised
me. I realized that through my drawings I had expressed what I really am .A part of
me loves to dream, aspires for lots of achievements and is very ambitious while a
part of me holds me back focusing on what others think of me, what the society
expects of me as a woman, my role within my family .This was quite a interesting
experience and insight into myself because it was very close to the person that I am
and was quite amusing that the painting that I drew without much thought conveyed
so much about me.

This was followed by an experiential journey where I put myself into a scenario of a
regular day- walking down the road, meeting an old friend, fighting with a person

much stronger and mightier than myself to save someone who was a stranger to me.
Through this I could feel the various rasas or emotions and experience it from
karuna to raudra, veera, krodha, bhayanaka, vibhatsa, hasya and Shanta. This gave
me a deeper understanding of the ways in which I express myself and with the
emotions within me.
After this we were taken back to the journey of our life. I looked back at my entire
life, at every stage, every little milestone, every pitfall, and the people who helped
shape my life and supported me through this journey. At the end of this activity I
realized I looked more at the positive events in my life and realized that it was in fact
a few pitfalls that actually helped me achieve more in my life. This was followed by
an interaction with the other participants regarding their journey and some of the
experiences shared lead me to think that the things that I regards as pitfalls or
negative in my life are too small compared and I felt satisfied with my life and a
sense of gratitude for all that I have achieved. We were asked to draw the River of
Life, which included all our major milestones, people involved that have helped
shape our lives.

The next session was more focused on understanding our relation with others where
I explored the victim, protector and oppressor within me. We had an activity that
involved us in a physical clash between each other in each of these roles. I could
experience myself in the position of a protector where I felt it was my duty and
responsibility to protect my victim, I believed that I need to protect even if it meant
hurting myself and was looking at ways to tackle the mighty oppressors a victim ,I
felt helpless and expecting someone to come and protect me. As an oppressor I felt
aggressive, and was looking at ways to reach my objective. This is something I could
relate to and felt that I have taken up each of these roles at some point or the other.
This also provoked me to think from the angle of a victim when I as an oppressor try
to establish my authority, due to my strong belief that what I am doing to the victim
is right and justified.

This was followed by an understanding on the various personas- Actor,

Protector, Beckoner, Dreamer, Friend, Judge and the Victim .It was
interesting to see how the influence of each of these personas affected
the way I took a decision. I realized that for me the judge and the
protector was predominant which is true to some sense that I have found

a comfort zone and these two predominant personas are holding me back
from breaking out and taking a risk. Also I observed that to a large extent I
had moved away from the friend inside me having little time to do things
that I really love doing and just making time for myself. The beckoner and
dreamer keep coming from time to time, however the strong presence of
the Protector and Judge block them from exploring the unknown and result
in a very rigid and caught up actor, caught in between all the seven
personas. Through the eyes of the mediator, I saw each of these personas
displaying their predominant characteristics .I also realized, that we can
over time, if we take a conscious effort and a neutral view like the
mediator, we can see the victim transform into a healer, a protector into a
warrior, beckoner into a seeker, the judge can take up the role of a
Wiseman and the oppressor can become the protector.
After this we explored the quadrant of life with the external influence on
one axis of the quadrant and the internal self on the other axis. We
discovered the Lover, Warrior, Ascetic and the Student quadrants the lover
being the passionate, family person, spoilt brat, who tends to be
deceptive, self centered and having a complete life with a high on the
internal and external peace. The warrior is rejected externally but fights
through focus like a true warrior to constantly prove himself. The ascetic is
the free spirited cut off stage where one feels satisfied and a sense of
ecstasy. The student is protected, constantly seeks approval from the
external environment, loves learning but is scared from taking a risk. I
found that I tend more towards the Lover and Student quadrant while
going ahead I would like to expand the warrior and lover quadrant since
its high time I broke from the comfort and protection of the Student.

I also enjoyed the game of the hunter and the prey where I played both
the role of a hunter and prey. It was interesting to see how I stretched
myself to go beyond my comfort when the situation demanded and
wanted to accomplish the task given to me somehow. Also as a prey I was

adapting strategies to help myself out of tricky situations. The feedback I

received was that I was one of the most confident hunters, and I know
exactly what I want and though I listen to the views of a lot of people
around me, I finally take a decision that I feel is right which I felt was
extremely true.
Then at the end of the sessions, we started towards the Heros journey
which was a culmination of all that we had gauged through these three
days. We were asked to visualize ourselves as the hero, give it a form,
identify a goal, the obstacles or challenges in the path to achieving that
goal, the resources available in hand, and finally the prize at the end.

The most interesting and enriching experience for me was the last activity
where I thanked a lot of people for touching my life and got some
feedbacks which were really encouraging. One common feedback I
received was that I have a lot of potential but constantly need a push to
go achieve it I dont make an effort on my own to go grab the
opportynity.This is something I have started working strongly towards post
the Discovering Self session and I find that I am very close to breaking
those barriers of the protector and the judge and exploring the warrior
within me to make my dream come true.