I decided to use an excerpt from my preadolescent cause narrative to transform the sentences and

give it some variation. It was a bit difficult for me to do since I never really thought about all the
different types of sentences there are. I usually thought of the word sentence as an umbrella
term for all sentences and didnt realize it was such an encompassing thing with multiple
variations on the simple subject-verb combination of words I thought was just a sentence. That
said, this will continue to help me to think about writing in a new way, and using new sentence
forms to keep my writing interesting and not too monotonous.
Before:
Ill be right back. My prepubescent vocal cords carried these words across the table of
family members in front of me. Around us, the walls bared faded crimson paint with the
occasional splash of green around the border for detail. The music sounded distinctly unAmerican, with the high pitch of ocarinas and soft mandolins playing over ahead, along the
musings of an accordion. All of our noses met the aroma of the pasta that rested atop the plates
beneath them.
Where you goin, doll, my grandmother inquired as I rose out of the creaky wooden
chair.
Im going to the bathroom, I replied, Ill be right back.
Ok honey, she said to me, but make sure you dont get stuck in there. I walked to the
back of the restaurant thinking about what my grandmom said to me. I heard those humorous
words before from my dad, but as I forced open the old door, I heard a metal clang come from
over head. I inspected slightly before I entered, thinking something had fallen, but nothing fell
to the cold tiled floor around me. I shook it off and closed it behind me. I had to slam it shut
violently so it would stay closed, but when I finally did so I heard another popping sound, this
time sounding closer to me, by the beaten up brass handle that sat close the edge of the door.
After:
Seven oclock. Air flew in from the windows overhead.
Ill be right back, My prepubescent vocal cords carried these words across the table of
family members in front of me. The crimson walls, peeling, beaten from years of use in a
restaurant, with a faded, slightly nauseating green detail surrounding the edges by each part of
the sagging ceiling, entrapped me within a fifteen foot-by-twenty grip. Foreign, the music
sounded, staining itself into my young ears. Accordions, strings, and flutes came together for the
relaxing piece vibrating from the small holes on the ceiling, which withheld black speakers from
which an unpleasant static came, showing their constant years of use and juxtaposing the
soothing Italian melodies.
Where you goin, doll, my grandmother inquired as I rose out of the creaky wooden
chair. She, in constant excitement of things I did, lifted her cheeks and lips, rounding out a smile
beyond the wrinkles on her face.
Im going to the bathroom, I replied, Ill be right back.
Ok honey, she said to me, but make sure you dont get stuck in there. After I walked
past hundreds of tables, waiters juggling trays of food, and hungry families chewing down plates
of pasta, I found a restroom sign hanging overhead. It swung and looked ready to make its
descent to the cold, tiled floor under it. I felt my bladder tighten. I better act fast, I thought to
myself, before something awful happens. The door sat, dilapidated, antiquated, bleak, and
overall unwelcoming. Placed on its hinges by rusted bolts, it left an opening, from which I could
see inside. I walked through the doorway I slammed the door behind me, almost wrestling with

Thomas Klodowsky 6/16/2016 1:24 AM

Comment [1]: Elliptical
Thomas Klodowsky 6/16/2016 1:27 AM
Comment [2]: Periodic
Thomas Klodowsky 6/16/2016 1:28 AM
Comment [3]: Inverted
Thomas Klodowsky 6/16/2016 1:34 AM
Comment [4]: Loose
Thomas Klodowsky 6/16/2016 1:36 AM
Comment [5]: Simple Interruption
Thomas Klodowsky 6/17/2016 10:15 PM
Comment [6]: Simple Anticipation
Andrew Kopp 6/17/2016 10:05 PM
Comment [7]: make us feel like years
have passed
Andrew Kopp 6/17/2016 10:15 PM
Comment [8]: take us through the maze.
You also ought to include (throughout the
piece) the growing sensation of having to
urinate, etc.

it to close properly. Inside it was shabby, the floors had mold where tile should be. I looked
around with disgust as drops of water began to fall from the ceiling, some hitting my head, some
hitting the floor while rusty pipes tightened and screeched behind the wall. The shuffling and
rattling of an air conditioning unit drilled into my head while I stood in there, circling my head
around to get a good look of the entirety of the dingy walls.

Thomas Klodowsky 6/16/2016 1:51 AM

Comment [9]: Compound w/ Punctuation