Interpersonal Relationships

Increasing Interpersonal Success Through

Self-Awareness
Overview
 Understand of the nature of
relationships.
 Understand how strong interpersonal
skills will magnify your personal power
 Explore your interpersonal behaviours
 Analyze various communication styles
and recognizing your own
 Provide strategies for effectively
interacting with communication styles
different from yours
 Build skills in conflict prevention and
management, and
 Consider behavioural standards that
guide relationships
 Ms. Desai
 Ms. Patel and Ms. Desai are Science teachers
in a High School. Ms. Patel would leave most of
the departmental duties for Ms Desai to
perform. Ms. Patel usually criticize her
teaching style and her ideas in the
departmental meetings. Ms. Desai & Ms. Patel
have been in charge of the entry for the
National Science Fair for the past 3 years. Ms
Desai receives no help from Ms. Patel and very
limited help from the other science teachers.
When the school won the award last year for
most outstanding amateur alternative heating
source, Ms. Patel, took all the accolades
without acknowledging Ms Desai’ hard work.
Ms. Patel is now head of the Science
Department and she is now even more critical
and insulting. Ms Desai felt slighted as she is
Activity
 Think of two persons:
 Successful
 Not so successful
 Working in same company or family
 What the difference in their
behavior and approach towards
people?
 What makes them different?
 Dealing with interpersonal relationships
is a complex subject
 The interpersonal relationships between
students and teachers, teachers and
other teachers, teachers and
administrators, school staff personnel,
parents, and community members are
vital for creating a positive successful
learning environment for all students.
 No matter how hard you work or how
many brilliant ideas you may have, if
you can’t connect with the people who
work around you, your professional life
will suffer.
 Team work is
crucial!
TEAM
 Research indicates skills essential for
effective teamwork are:
 communicating and relating effectively,
 empathy and respect for the feelings
and views of others,
 accurate self-evaluation of performance
and relationships, and
 conflict management using active
listening skills and empathy.
What is Interpersonal
Relationship (IR)?
Interpersonal
Relationships

affiliations social associations

between two or more people

connections
 Interpersonal Relationships vary in
differing levels of intimacy and
sharing, implying the discovery or
establishment of common ground,
and may be centered around
something(s) shared in common.
 We define types of interpersonal
relationships in terms of relational
contexts of interaction and the
types of expectations that
communicators have of one
another to participate in positive,
caring, and respectful
relationships.
Six success elements in
Relationships
 It takes a combination of
2. Self-awareness,
3. Self confidence,
4. Positive personal impact,
5. Outstanding performance,
6. Communication skills and
7. Interpersonal competence
 to succeed in your career and life.
Self-awareness
 Becoming self-aware is the first step to
improving our interpersonal effectiveness.
 Most of our behaviours are natural for us.
 We aren't aware of the impact these
behaviours have on others. That leaves us with
"blind spots" that others don't want to
mention to us because they don't want to hurt
our feelings, they are afraid of a reaction from
us, or they just don't care.
 Through self-awareness we learn what impact
our behaviours - both positive and negative -
have on others.  That knowledge helps us
become more effective in our interactions with
others.
 Once we become self-aware we can
examine and change behaviours that
need changing. The option is our own.
So are the consequences. When we
choose to seek ways to modify our
undesirable behaviours we begin the
process of self-regulation. This is a
conscious process through which we
may ask for input from our family,
trusted coworkers or friends, or a
professional therapist.  
Self-Confidence

 SELF-
CONFIDENCE:
Sureness about
one’s self-worth
and capabilities
Positive Personal Impact
 Do you know how other peoples see you?
When you leave a meeting or end a
conversation, what impression do you leave
behind? What picture do other people have of
you? How do you think they perceive you?
 We impact on others through our opinions, the
amount we contribute, the sound of our voice,
the effect of our silence, the expressions we
use.
 Personal impact is about other things apart
from your looks of course. Improving your
posture, knowing how to shake hands
properly, having good manners, not fidgeting
and controlling your nerves in meetings,
Outstanding performance
 What ever
you do it to
the best of
your ability.

 “DO it with
thy MIGHT!”
(MICO’s
Motto)
Communication skills
 Interpersonal communication can
mean the ability to relate to people
in written as well as verbal
communication.  This type of
communication can occur in both a
one-on-one and a group setting. 
This also means being able to
handle different people in different
situations, and making people feel
at ease. 
Communication skills
 active listening,
 giving and receiving criticism,
 dealing with different personality
types, and
 nonverbal communication.
3-Factor Model of
interpersonal competence
 Interpersonally competent people:
2. are self aware. They use this
awareness to better understand others
and to adapt their behaviour
accordingly.
3. build and nurture strong, lasting,
mutually beneficial relationships.
4. resolve conflict in a positive manner.
(Bilanich)
What are Interpersonal
Skills?
 A set of behaviours which allow
you to communicate effectively
and unambiguously in a face-to-
face setting
 They can also be thought of as
behaviours which assist progress
towards achieving an objective
 Interpersonal relationship
skills help us to relate in positive
ways with our family members,
colleagues and others. This may
mean being able to make and keep
friendly relationships as well as
being able to end relationships
constructively
Six interpersonal skills
 There are just six interpersonal skills
which form a process that is applicable
to all situations:
2. Analyzing the situation
3. Establishing a realistic objective
4. Selecting appropriate ways of
behaving
5. Controlling your behaviour
6. Shaping other people's behaviour
7. Monitoring our own and others'
behaviour
Applicability of
Interpersonal Skills
 Analyzing the situation helps us to set realistic
objectives
 Establishing objectives, in turn, provides the
context in which to make choices about how
best to behave
 By being conscious of our own behaviour in
working towards the achievement of objectives
we are more likely to influence other people’s
behaviour
 Constant monitoring will provide the feedback
we need to make situation-dependent
adjustments
 Good interpersonal skills

 Interpersonal competence
Five dimensions of
interpersonal competence
 1. Initiating relationships.
2. Self-disclosure.
3. Providing emotional support.
4. Asserting displeasure with
others' actions.*
5. Managing interpersonal
conflicts.*
Barriers to Communication

 Physical or environmental barrier

 Language barrier

 Personal or socio psychological

barrier
Tactful Conversations
T = Think before you speak
A = Apologize quickly when you
blunder
C = Converse, don’t compete
T = Time your comments
F = Focus on behavior – not
personality
U = Uncover hidden feelings
Interpersonal
Communications
 Most people want to be understood and
accepted more than anything else in the
world.
 Knowing this is the first step toward good
communication. Good communication has two
basic components:
3. You listen to and acknowledge other people's
thoughts and feelings: Rather than showing
that you only care about broadcasting your
feelings and insisting that others agree with
you, you encourage others to express what
they are thinking and feeling. You listen and
try to understand.
4. You express your own thoughts and feelings
openly and directly: If you only listen to what
Communication Styles
 There are four styles of communication:
 passive
 aggressive
 passive-aggressive
 assertive
 Passive communication involves the inability or
unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings. Passive
people will do something they don't want to do or make
up an excuse rather than say how they feel.
 The aggressive style of communication involves
overreaction, blaming and criticizing. Aggressive people
try to get their way through bullying, intimidating or
even physical violence. They do not or will not consider
the rights of others.
 Passive-aggressive is a combination of
the first two styles - they avoid
confrontations (passive), but will be
manipulative to get what they want
(aggressive). Passive-aggressive people
will sometimes use facial expressions
that don't match how they feel, i.e.
smiling when angry.
 Assertive behaviour involves standing
up for oneself. Assertive people will say
what they think and stand up for their
beliefs without hurting others.
Assertiveness vs
Aggressiveness
 Assertiveness, or confrontation, means
taking the initiative or first steps to deal
with a problem in a constructive, self-
protective manner. Assertiveness
attacks the problem, not the person.
 Aggressiveness attacks the other
person rather than the problem. It is a
destructive desire to dominate another
person or to force a position or
viewpoint on another person; it starts
fights or quarrels.
Coping with some
communication differences
 Aggressive Communicator: Get to
the point right away. Speak
directly and clearly. Since
aggressive types can be brutally
honest and sometimes
inconsiderate, it is important to
take what they say with a grain of
salt. Usually their criticism and
confrontational matter isn't meant
to be taken personally.
 Passive Communicator: It can be
particularly frustrating to talk to a
passive communicator because
they may seem to not have any
opinion of their own. Though it
may be frustrating, avoid being
pushy or confrontational. Passive
communicators just need time to
feel comfortable with others.
 Passive-Aggressive Communicator: Just
as passive-aggressive communicators
are a combination of two styles, an
approach to them must be a
combination as well. Recognize that
talking to them might be frustrating like
with the passive communicator (since
they avoid conflict), but it also
important to not take anything they say
or do personally (like with the
aggressive types), because it may
conflict with what they say.
 Many causes of conflict arise due
to miscommunication.
 Once you understand your own
communication style pitfalls, you
can correct them and
communicate more effectively.
 Remember “Aggression breeds
Aggression”!
What is Conflict?
 Conflict occurs in situations in which
there is opposition. Opposition occurs
when a solution cannot be found in a
disagreement.
 Conflict is a disagreement through
which the parties involved perceive a
threat to their needs, well-being,
interests or concerns.
 Perceive a threat can be physical,
emotional, power, status, intellectual,
etc.

Conflict Resolution
 Conflict resolution involves
identifying areas of agreement and
areas of compromise so that a
solution to the disagreement or
conflict occurs.
How do I
handle/prevent/redu
ce conflicts?
 There are five methods to
handle conflict:
 Running away
 Being obliging to the other

party
 Defeating the other party

 Winning a little/ losing a little

 Co-operating
Resolving conflict is an art
of communication

Use interpersonal
communication skills
Interpersonal Communication
skills
 I-statements help you express the way you feel and
what you want with great clarity.
 Sometimes people use "you" statements, such as "You
never collect the registers on time and then we have to
leave school late in the evenings waiting on you!" This
type of statement can make others feel angry and
defensive immediately. When you use I-statements,
such as, "I really need to get the registers before
1:00pm so that I can complete the attendance sheet so
that I can leave school at dismissal time." you express
your the concern in terms of you.

 A respectful tone of voice conveys that you are

taking others seriously and that you also expect to be
taken seriously. In addition, people with good
communication skills are assertive without being
aggressive or manipulative.
Interpersonal Communication
skills
 Eye contact is vital for good communication.
For example, how would you feel if the person
you were talking to kept looking around the
corridor or out the window?
 Appropriate body language encourages
conversation. Nodding your head, smiling,
laughing, using words such as "uh-huh" and
"yeah" and asking questions at appropriate
times assure the person that you are really
listening.
 Clear, organized ideas help you accurately
and honestly describe your feelings and
contribute to conversations and to decisions
that need to be made. Good communicators
are also specific. For example, a good
communicator would say, "I need to use the
Tips for resolving conflicts
 Make sure that you remain calm at all times.
 Speak with a non-provoking tone of voice; quietly,
slowly, and calmly.
 Listen to the other person carefully without interrupting
them.
 Respect the other person when voicing your own
opinion or point of view.
 Let the other person know that you understand them
fully by asking questions pertaining to his or her
understanding and repeating what the person is saying.
 Use humour if possible.
Tips for resolving conflicts
 Try placing yourself in the other person's
shoes.
 Try not to be judgmental. Do not do anything
to embarrass the other person. Do not accuse
the other person of anything. Also, do not
punish or scold them.
 Do not stand close to them. Stand a few feet
away from them.
 Make sure that your posture, body language,
and tone of voice is non-threatening.
 Do not talk with the other person in front of a
group of people. Go into an office or some
other place to discuss the situation. (Caution:
Do not go into place that will prevent you from
Tips for resolving conflicts
 Make sure that what you say is simple, clear and direct.
 Do not take anything the other person says personally
when he or she is angry, because they probably do not
mean it.
 Make sure that you are not alone just in case the other
person becomes very hostile.
 If you are having a heated argument with another
person, save your feelings and opinions for another time
and place.
 Do not rush.
 Let the other person know that you do not want to fight,
but that you want to resolve the situation in a friendly
manner.
 Make sure that you apologize for anything you may
have said or done to offend them
Remember Ms Desai!

 She should use interpersonal

communications skills and show her
interpersonal competence!
 Ms. Patel should receive interpersonal
relationship building skills!
A Matter of Attitude

Go For It Let’s Both Win

Let’s Trade
Confidence

Run Away Yes Boss

Confidence
Building Relationship
 Become genuinely interested in
other people
 Call people by their names
 Talk in terms of the other person’s
interest
 Smile
 Listen
You Should
 Become aware of your
communication style
 Improve your Interpersonal
competence
 Reduced conflict in the workplace
 Increase productivity!

 Thank-You!