Movie Script

Today, my husband dropped me off at work.
Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped

the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know
what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
#159600 (93)
I agree, your life sucks (395017) - you totally deserved it (23561)
On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him
across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike.
FML
#86179 (467)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied
saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was
talking about my math exam. FML
#379076 (150)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm - love - by gentileman (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I
smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied,
"How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML
#56665 (323)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway
to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to
wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30
minutes. FML
#960425 (414)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my child says "Mommy. Sometimes my peepee goes up like a stick." I say "Well, honey,
that's normal and ok." Then I ask when it does that. And he says "Well, sometimes when
watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes..." FML
#481631 (321)
On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML
#14097 (217)
On 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm - misc - by bittersweet - United States (New York)
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be
funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase
me for six blocks. FML
#2799622 (946)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my
teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML
#161178 (685)
On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about
your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened
the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
#503348 (632)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just
popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML
#361047 (527)
On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a
picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand
motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
#618013 (652)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial
came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E."
She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the
covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one
of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
#2532710 (1055)
On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I
noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and
ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
#142104 (741)
On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by Noname - United States (Michigan)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT
TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
#4679110 (268)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and
say "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out
of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me.
FML
#185328 (306)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by PicturePerfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog
world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As
I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" and then my mom walked in. FML
#2026481 (371)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - misc - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some
girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone
ring. Through the wall. FML
#664104 (175)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to Itunes. It came for free
with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML
#580113 (368)
On 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I
could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then
continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
#4046377 (664)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States
Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I
couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML
#1815627 (141)
On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - misc - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets
and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
#2688793 (375)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a
thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
#784043 (261)
On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get
fired. FML
#19556 (241)
On 02/10/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by maxthndr (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my
boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman
had to cut the chain. FML
Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names
confused caling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz.
My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML
#2831839 (245)
On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a
squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE.
FML
#859604 (171)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot
dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips
caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
#217348 (243)
On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for
someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm
going to medical school. FML
#341783 (293)
On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4
pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
#4330249 (304)
On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really
embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man
asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one."
FML
#2812014 (243)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So
I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the
city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
#1550190 (319)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on
him with. FML
#3451487 (434)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it.
I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
#3229865 (421)
On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and
suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement
ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
#5049999 (487)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I wake up, switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who
looks just like me. I’m afraid to leave home. FML
#8 (127)
On 10/13/2008 at 4:20am - misc - by mehdi-online -

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over a year is actually a very bored 14
year old boy. FML
#1617373 (441)
On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that
said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my
girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
Today, I wake up, switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who
looks just like me. I’m afraid to leave home. FML
#8 (127)
On 10/13/2008 at 4:20am - misc - by mehdi-online -
Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over a year is actually a very bored 14
year old boy. FML
#1617373 (441)
On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that
said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my
girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
#2244608 (419)
On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my fiancee broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same
apartment. FML
#163689 (127)
On 02/28/2009 at 7:22pm - love - by loser (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is
'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom.
My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
#1923265 (357)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good
speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone
go wild with excitement" FML
#2508726 (304)
On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's
soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke
while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!!" FML
#4630669 (192)
On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States

Today, Michael Jackson died. FML
#3207661 (115)
On 06/25/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor
just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML
#853708 (214)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it.
After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him
for me. FML
#2275729 (633)
On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a
quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited
for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25cents short of the fare. I walked home in the
rain. FML
#97632 (169)
On 02/21/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by GD (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it
would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
#881347 (374)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at
the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been
chatting online with for 2 months, I find out hes my cousin: priceless. FML

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Today, my husband dropped me off at work.

Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped

I agree, your life sucks (395017) - you totally deserved it (23561)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

I agree, your life sucks (391029) - you totally deserved it (26516)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)

I agree, your life sucks (231564) - you totally deserved it (27043)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm - love - by gentileman (woman) - United States (Maryland)

I agree, your life sucks (58428) - you totally deserved it (15624)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

I agree, your life sucks (241605) - you totally deserved it (9816)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

I agree, your life sucks (124931) - you totally deserved it (11844)

On 03/20/2009 at 12:15am - kids - by ScoobieDoo (woman) - United States (Washington)

I agree, your life sucks (225332) - you totally deserved it (13787)

On 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm - misc - by bittersweet - United States (New York)

I agree, your life sucks (10463) - you totally deserved it (234169)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)

I agree, your life sucks (21576) - you totally deserved it (314078)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)

I agree, your life sucks (17977) - you totally deserved it (256079)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

I agree, your life sucks (235039) - you totally deserved it (136796)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

I agree, your life sucks (19409) - you totally deserved it (218197)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)

I agree, your life sucks (26348) - you totally deserved it (66890)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

I agree, your life sucks (26941) - you totally deserved it (163388)

On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by Noname - United States (Michigan)

I agree, your life sucks (12298) - you totally deserved it (47587)

On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

I agree, your life sucks (14294) - you totally deserved it (211413)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by PicturePerfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

I agree, your life sucks (12193) - you totally deserved it (68752)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - misc - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

I agree, your life sucks (144226) - you totally deserved it (5374)

On 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

I agree, your life sucks (226627) - you totally deserved it (8483)

On 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

I agree, your life sucks (46369) - you totally deserved it (11716)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - love - by treegirl (woman) - United States

I agree, your life sucks (152097) - you totally deserved it (16770)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - misc - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

I agree, your life sucks (10164) - you totally deserved it (113892)

On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

I agree, your life sucks (129698) - you totally deserved it (13481)

On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:36am - misc - by maxthndr (man) - United States

I agree, your life sucks (55793) - you totally deserved it (2256)

On 06/12/2009 at 2:50pm - misc - by mcullen21 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

I agree, your life sucks (31676) - you totally deserved it (84019)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

I agree, your life sucks (191899) - you totally deserved it (12326)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

I agree, your life sucks (214825) - you totally deserved it (9529)

On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)

I agree, your life sucks (42600) - you totally deserved it (7186)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

I agree, your life sucks (43609) - you totally deserved it (7040)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

I agree, your life sucks (73727) - you totally deserved it (15783)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

I agree, your life sucks (23548) - you totally deserved it (63902)