Self-esteem: Boost your self-image with these 5 stepsProvided by:

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Low self-esteem can negatively affect virtually every part of your life, includi
ng your relationships, your job and your health. But you can raise your self-est
eem to a healthy level, even if you're an adult who's been harboring a negative
self-image since childhood.

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Changing the way you think about yourself and your life is essential to boosting
self-esteem. Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) techniques are especially helpful
in changing unhealthy thinking and behavior patterns. These techniques are base
d on the idea that your feelings and behavior result from how you think about yo
urself and your life. CBT techniques can help you recognize, challenge and ultim
ately replace negative thoughts or inaccurate beliefs with more positive, realis
tic ones.
These five steps toward healthy self-esteem are based on cognitive behavior ther
apy principles. As you go through these five steps, jotting down your thoughts,
experiences and observations in a journal or daily record may help you use these
steps more effectively.

Step 1: Identify troubling conditions or situations

Think about what conditions or situations about your life you find troubling and
that seem to deflate your self-esteem. You may wish to change aspects of your p
ersonality or behavior, such as a fear of giving a business presentation, freque
ntly becoming angry or always expecting the worst. You may be struggling with de
pression, a disability or a change in life circumstances, such as the death of a
loved one, a lost promotion or children leaving home. Or you may wish to improv
e your relationship with another person, such as a spouse, family member or co-w
orker.

Step 2: Become aware of beliefs and thoughts

Once you've identified troubling conditions or situations, pay attention to your
thoughts related to them. This includes your self-talk — what you tell yourself — a
s well as your interpretation of what a situation means and your beliefs about y
ourself, other people and events. Your thoughts and beliefs may be positive, neg
ative or neutral. They may be rational — based on reason or facts — or irrational — ba
sed on false ideas.

Step 3: Pinpoint negative or inaccurate thinking

Your beliefs and thoughts about a condition or situation affect your reaction to
it. Inaccurate or negative thoughts and beliefs about something or someone can
trigger unhealthy physical, emotional and behavioral responses, including:
Physical responses, such as a stiff neck, sore back, racing heart, stomach probl
ems, sweating or change in sleeping patterns.
Emotional responses, such as difficulty concentrating or feeling depressed, angr
y, sad, nervous, guilty or worried.
Behavioral responses, such as eating when not hungry, avoiding tasks, working mo
re than usual, spending increased time alone, obsessing about a situation or bla
ming others for your problems.
Step 4: Challenge negative or inaccurate thinking
Your initial thoughts may not be the only possible way to view a situation. So t
est the accuracy of your thoughts. Ask yourself whether your view of a situation
is consistent with facts and logic or whether there might be other explanations
.
You may not easily recognize inaccuracies in your thinking. Most people have aut
omatic, long-standing ways of thinking about their lives and themselves. These l
ong-held thoughts and beliefs feel normal and factual to you, but many are simpl
y opinions or perceptions.
These kinds of thought patterns tend to erode self-esteem:
All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For examp
le, "If I don't succeed in this job, I'm a total failure."
Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view
of a person or situation or your entire life. For example, "I made a mistake on
that report and now everyone will realize I'm a failure."
Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other posi
tive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "My date only
gave me that compliment because he knows how bad I feel." "I only did well on th
at test because it was so easy."
Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or
no evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my e-mail, so
I must have done something to make her angry."
Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For ex
ample, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure." No matter how strong a f
eeling is, it isn't a fact.
Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecati
ng humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mis
take. For example, "I don't deserve anything better." "I'm weak, stupid or ugly.
"
Step 5: Change your thoughts and beliefs
The final step is to replace the negative or inaccurate thinking you've identifi
ed with accurate thoughts and beliefs. This can enable you to find constructive
ways to cope and give your self-esteem a boost.
This step can be difficult. Thoughts often occur spontaneously or automatically,
without effort on your part. It can be hard to control or turn off your thought
s. Thoughts can be very powerful and aren't always based on logic. It takes time
and effort to learn how to recognize and replace distressing thoughts with accu
rate ones.
These strategies may help you approach situations in a healthy way:
Use hopeful statements. Be kind and encouraging to yourself. Pessimism can be a
self-fulfilling prophecy. That is, if you think your presentation isn't going to
go well, you may indeed stumble through it. Try telling yourself things such as
, "Even though it's tough, I can handle this situation."
Forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes aren't permanent reflections
on you as a person. They are isolated moments in time. Tell yourself, "I made a
mistake but that doesn't make me a bad person."
Avoid 'should' and 'must' statements. If you find that your thoughts are full of
these words, you may be setting unreasonable demands on yourself — or others. Rem
oving these words from your self-talk can give you and others more realistic exp
ectations.
Focus on the positive. Think about the good parts of your life. Ask yourself, "W
hat other things have gone well recently?" "What personal skills do I have that
have helped me cope with challenging situations in the past?"
Relabel upsetting thoughts. Having negative thoughts doesn't mean you must choos
e to react negatively. Instead, think of them as signals to use new, healthy thi
nking patterns. Ask yourself, "Which of my strengths can help me respond in a co
nstructive way?" "What can I think and do to make this less stressful?"
Encourage yourself. Give yourself credit for making positive changes. Treat your
self as well as you'd treat a loved one. Tell yourself, "I did a good job on the
presentation. It may not have been perfect, but my colleagues said it was good.
"
Achieving healthy self-esteem
With practice, these steps may come more easily to you. You'll be better able to
recognize the thoughts and beliefs that are contributing to your low self-estee
m. Because self-esteem can fluctuate over time, you may want to revisit these st
eps, especially if you begin to feel down on yourself again. Keeping a journal o
r daily log can help you track trouble spots over time.
Achieving a balanced, accurate view of yourself and accepting your value as a hu
man being may help you feel happier and more confident. And that may rub off on
others, too, including your children, family or friends.