Non Verbal Communication Seminar Notes

How to Have Proper Body Language I. Why should you work on your body language? a. Studies have shown that between 65% - 93% of communication is non verbal. b. Attraction for women is based on sub communication. You could have the best demonstration of higher value story but, if you have bad body language she will lose attraction for you because you wont be congruent. c. Women read body language. Women pay more attention to your nonverbal cues, than to what you are actually saying. d. You can use your body language to change the way you feel. You can use your body to get yourself in a more energetic, happier state through breathing, moving or just changing one small thing. II. What to Avoid a. Leaning In. Also known as pecking. Conveys that you are overly eager to hear (or talk to) the other person. b. Hands in front pockets. Conveys shy introverted characteristics. c. Cross arms (back of hands VS front). Conveys that you are closed off and in a bad mood. Displaying the back of your hands = confrontational. Displaying the front of your palms = nothing to hide. The exception: crossing your hands when you are qualifying her can make her feel like she has to prove herself to you. d. Hands in her face. The natural reaction is to move away and feel threatened when someone has his or her hands in your face. e. Fidgeting and turning towards people too fast. Fidgeting shows that you are nervous and not comfortable in that situation. Turning towards someone really fast if they tap your shoulder or call your name shows that its not a common thing for people to want your attention (subcommunicates low value). f. Dont wait for her when she goes to the bathroom, have her come meet you somewhere (unless she leaves her purse).

III. The Basics a. Eye contact (when to hold it?). Important to have strong eye contact during the opener (especially if you go direct) and during the close. Those are the times most guys look away because they are nervous. Strong eye contact demonstrates dominance. Furthermore, connections with people can be made through eye contact alone (staring contest). b. Smile. Humans typically respond positively to a smile. Think about how a baby will almost always smile back if you smile at it. Dont be OVERLY smiling because then it comes across as supplicating. c. Be comfortable. Always be more comfortable than or as comfortable as the girl. If she is sitting and you are standing, then your value will drop the longer you stand there talking to her while hovering over her. d. Be unaffected and non reactive. The person who is more reactive has the least value. e. Chin up, shoulders back. Dont over due this. Remember, be comfortable! f. Face-to-face VS side-to-side. Face-to-face for two guys = confrontational. Face-to-face for a guy and a girl = sexual tension (the prerequisite is attraction). IV. Using Body Language to Change Your State a. Use your breathing. Slow down your breath and focus on your breathing to get out of your head and stop over analyzing everything. Speed up your breath to feel more energetic. b. Do something different. Jump up and down or start walking faster to get your energy up. c. Smile. If you start to feel negative just force yourself to smile and you will start to feel better. d. Walk with a tune in your head. Start humming your favorite song and youll start to feel better. e. Affirmations. Saying positive affirmations can make you feel better. Example: Chanting Women love me! or Sexy women want me! f. Exaggerate (Jack Sparrow, Jim Morrison). Overdue your body movements to get out of your head and to try new things.

V. More Advanced Body Language a. Hold her hand longer than normal. When you introduce yourself hold her hand slightly longer than the norm. When you pull away, gently brush her hand with your fingertips. b. Slow down your movements. This will make you more relaxed and appear more comfortable. It will also draw attention to you. c. Facial expressions. Use your face to express emotions. Remember, women are emotional beings. d. Lock In (lean against something, sit down, stand on your back foot). After youve opened and hooked the set, you need to get as comfortable or more comfortable than the set. Example: Bar spin spin her and steal her spot

IX. Infield Assignments a. Focus on yourself. What that means is focus on being comfortable in all social environments this week. If you feel anxious, just walk around the venue for a while and slow down your breathing and just focus on feeling really good. Focus on slowing down the way you talk. Focus on making strong eye contact with everyone. b. Do 1 thing that scares you or just something a little out of the ordinary and become comfortable doing it. Example: - Stand in the middle of the dance floor for 5 minutes without moving - Lay down on a bench at the mall - Yell something really loud at the beach or park and then walk around with everyone staring at you funny c. Do 7 approaches this week. You can do 1 a day, or 7 in one night, or 3 one night and 4 the next. I dont care how, just do 7 approaches. On each one of those. On each approach I want you to lock in. That means be more comfortable than the girl. Either lean on something, sit down, or put your wait on your back foot. d. Look at other men that appear high value and watch their body language. What do you notice? Any common characteristics? e. Write down al your approaches and experiences in your success journal.