Broadway Revue

Misfits: The Musical

By Katie Ribant

Featuring music from the

following productions:
Annie
Les Miserables
Cats
South Pacific
Into the Woods
Aida
Singing in the Rain
Next to Normal
The Wizard of Oz
Tick Tick... Boom
Urinetown
Shrek: The Musical
Annie Get Your Gun
The Fiddler on the Roof
Chicago
13
Wicked
The Producers

Cast of Characters
Katie Ribant:

Narrator

Brigit Carmody:

Stage Manager

Ayu Lockos:

Young Cosette- Les Miserables

Liz Drollinger:

Grizabella- Cats

Daisy Hudspeth:

Nellie- South Pacific

Kyra McArthur:

Nurse- South Pacific

Garrett Bell:

Cinderellas (Nellies)
Prince- Into the Woods/Frank
Butler- Annie Get Your Gun

Max Farver:

Rapunzels (Fionas Prince)Into the Woods

Spencer Milford:

Don Lockwood- Singing in the

Rain

Sean Kaelble:

Gabe- Next to Normal/ Witch Wicked

Charlie Sears:

Munchkin- The Wizard of Oz

Abigail Oldham:

Penelope Pennywise- Urinetown

Hannah Lieb:

Adult Fiona- Shrek: The

Musical

Katy Nappier:

Teenage Fiona- Shrek: The

Musical

Sarah Addison:

Child Fiona- Shrek: The

Musical/ Patrice- 13

Kelsey Young:

Hodel- Fiddler on the Roof

Bridget Voda:

Chava- Fiddler on the Roof

(MORE)

Cast of Characters (contd)

Megan OBrien:

Tzeitel- Fiddler on the Roof

Duncan Kinzie:

Amos Hart- Chicago

Helen George:

Annie Oakley- Annie Get Your

Gun

2.
ACT I
Scene 1
NARRATOR: "Good evening everyone and welcome to our
shows opening night here on Broadway. Im the
producer/director/ playwright/pretty-much-everything
for this show. This will be like nothing youve ever
seen before. Weve got an all-star cast who is ready
to-"
(Stage Manager urgently rushes out
onstage over to NARRATOR and whispers
something to her)
NARRATOR: "Ladies and Gentleman, it seems like we are
having some slight technical issues, but uh, if you
could just please remain in your seats Im sure well
be able to start the show here momentarily. But in the
meantime, I suppose I could give you a little
background on the show youre about to see. Have you
ever wondered what happens to a show after its run ends
on Broadway? Im sure some of you may have thought that
the magic ends there. Well, Ill let you in on a little
secret. The characters from your favorite Broadway
shows? When their show comes to a close on Broadway,
they are "deported", so to speak. To a place that we in
show business call, "Misfit Island". So all of these
characters live on the island until their show gets
chosen to be revived again back on the big stage. Now
once a year, a big shot casting director from New York
City travels to the island and holds auditions in order
to pick which show theyll bring back. This past year I
was lucky enough to visit the island and be a part of
the selection process. And Ill tell ya, it was sure
not what I expected-"
(Stage Manager comes out from behind
curtain again. Flustered nonverbal
communication between Stage Manager and
NARRATOR. Stage Manager notions to the
NARRATOR to stay put and keep stalling
and runs backstage).
NARRATOR: "Just a few more minutes, ladies and
gentleman, Im sure. But, where was I? Oh yes, my trip
to the Island. At the time I was the assistant to the
executive casting director who holds the auditions for
the characters. Well, my boss sent me down there ahead
of him, so I could scout out the characters first and
get them ready for the auditions. It was my big break
as a director, a chance to prove I was serious about
this business. But, you dont want to hear about me or
my career. Im sure youre just interested in hearing
what show we ended up choosing. Now thats an even more
interesting story..."
(Cut Spotlight. NARRATOR exits. Curtain
opens. Scene: Island of Misfits.)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

1. HARD KNOCK LIFE- Annie (1:30)

[ORPHANS]
Its the hard-knock life for us! Its the hard-knock
life for us!
[ANNIE]
Steada callbacks,
[ORPHANS]
were not picked!
[ANNIE]
Steada applause,
[ORPHANS]
We get kicked!
[ALL]
Its the hard-knock life! Got no Roles to speak of, so,
Its the hard-knock row we hoe!
[ANNIE]
raggy costumes,
[ORPHANS]
Stead of new!
[ANNIE]
One Show-a-day
[ORPHANS]
Stead of two!
[ALL]
Its the hard-knock life!
[ANNIE]
Dont it feel like the wind is always howln?
[KATE AND TESSIE]
Dont it seem like theres never any light!
[DUFFY AND JULY]
Once a day, dont you wanna throw the towel in?
[MOLLY AND PEPPER]
Its easier than puttin up a fight.
[ANNIE]
No ones there when your dreams at night get creepy! No
one cares if you grow...of if you shrink! No one dries
when your eyes get wet an weepy!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

[ALL]
From all the cryin you would think this place would
sink! Ohhhh!!!!!!! Empty belly life! Rotten smelly
life! Full of sorrow life! No tomorrow life!
[MOLLY]
Tonys we never see
[ANNIE]
Tonys, whats that? Whos he?
[ALL]
No one cares for you a bit
When youre a MI-IS-FIT
[ALL]
Its the hard-knock life!
(NARRATOR applauds)
NARRATOR: "Wow, they werent kidding when they said
"Misfit" Island..."
MISFIT 1: "Ahemm.. And who are you?"
NARRATOR: "Oh excuse me, Im the casting
directors assistant. He sent me down here a few
days early to prep you all for the auditions. And
it looks like youre going to need a lot of work.
Dont worry, Ill be holding an audition workshop
tomorrow for all the ladies. Now do you think one
of you could possibly show me to my, ummm, hut?"
(All look at each other irritated by her
condescending tone. None volunteer
eagerly but the group acquiesces and
escorts her offstage in the direction of
the village)
(Young Cosette stays onstage and is
playing with a bucket and shovel in the
sand. Grizabella is watching secretly
from behind).
2. Castle on a Cloud (1:33)
YOUNG COSETTE
There is a castle on a cloud, I like to go there in my
sleep, Arent any floors for me to sweep, Not in my
castle on a cloud.
There is a room thats full of toys, There are a
hundred boys and girls, Nobody shouts or talks too
loud, Not in my castle on a cloud.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

[ALL] (contd)
There is a lady all in white, Holds me and sings a
lullaby, Shes nice to see and shes soft to touch, She
says "Cosette, I love you very much."
I know a place where no ones lost, I know a place
where no one cries, Crying at all is not allowed, Not
in my castle on a cloud.
(YOUNG COSETTE exits)
GRIZABELLA- "OH, to be young and beautiful..."
3. Memory (3:43)
Midnight Not a sound from the pavement Has the
moon lost her memory? She is smiling alone In the
lamplight The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
Memory All alone in the moonlight I can smile at
the old days I was beautiful then I remember the
time I knew what happiness was Let the memory live
again
Every streetlamp Seems to beat a fatalistic
warning Someone mutters And the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning
Daylight I must wait for the sunrise I must think
of a new life And I mustnt give in When the dawn
comes Tonight will be a memory too And a new day
will begin
Burnt out ends of smoky days The stale cold smell
of morning The streetlamp dies, another night is
over Another day is dawning
Touch me Its so easy to leave me All alone with
the memory Of my days in the sun If you touch me
Youll understand what happiness is
Look A new day has begun
(GRIZABELLA exits)
(NELLIE and NURSE enter)
NURSE: "Im telling you, Nellie, if a prince were
pursuing me, I wouldnt be trying to run from him!"
NELLIE:"I know. And I do like him, but Ive also heard
he has a reputation, and I dont want to be just
another dame he woos."
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

[ALL] (contd)
NURSE:"Well what are you going to do?"
4. Im Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My HairSouth Pacific (2:57)
Nellie: Im gonna wash that man right outta my
hair, Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair, And
send him on his way.
Im gonna wave that man right outta my arms,
Nellie and Girls: Im gonna wave that man right
outta my arms, Im gonna wave that man right outta
my arms, And send him on his way.
Dont try to patch it up
Girls: Tear it up, tear it up!
Nellie: Wash him out, dry him out,
Girls: Push him out, fly him out,
Nellie: Cancel him and let him go!
Girls: Yea, sister!
Nellie: Im gonna wash that man right outta my
hair, Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair,
Im gonna wash that man right outta my hair, And
send him on his way.
If a man dont understand you, If you fly on
separate beams, Waste no time, make a change, Ride
that man right off your range. Rub him out of the
roll call And drum him out of your dreams.
Girls: Oho! If you laugh at different comics, If
you root for different teams, Waste no time, weep
no more, Show him what the door is for. Rub him
out of the roll call And drum him out of your
dreams.
Nellie: You cant light a fire when the woods are
wet,
Girls: No!
Nellie: You cant make a butterfly strong,
Girls: Hmm, hmm!
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

7.

Nellie: You cant fix an egg when it aint quite

good,
Girls: And you cant fix a man when hes wrong!
Nellie: You cant put back a petal when it falls
from a flower, Or sweeten up a fellow when he
starts turnin sour
Girls: Oh no! Oh no!
Nellie and Girls: If his eyes get dull and fishy,
When you look for glints and gleams, Waste no
time, Make a switch, Drop him in the nearest
ditch! Rub him out of the roll call, And drum him
out of your dreams Oho! Oho!
Nellie: I went to wash that man right outta my
hair, I went to wash that man right outta my hair,
I went to wash that man right outta my hair, And
sent him on his way.
Girls: She went to wash that man right outta my
hair, She went to wash that man right outta my
hair, She went to wash that man right outta my
hair,
Nellie and Nurse: And send him on his way!
(NELLIE and NURSE exit)
(enter PRINCES)
NELLIES PRINCE: "Just missed her again!"
FIONAS PRINCE: "That girl again? Brother, forget about
her. You could have any other maiden on this island
that you wanted! Shes obviously not interested if
shes avoiding you"
NELLIES PRINCE:"I just dont understand"
5. Agony- Into the Woods (2:28)
[NELLIES PRINCE]
Did I abuse her Or show her disdain? Why does she run
from me? If I should lose her, How shall I regain The
heart she has won from me?
Agony! Beyond power of speech, When the one thing you
want Is the only thing out of your reach.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

[FIONAS PRINCE]
High in her tower, She sits by the hour, Maintaining
her hair. Blithe and becoming and frequently humming A
lighthearted air: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahAgony! Far more painful than yours, When you know she
would go with you If there only were doors.
[BOTH]
Agony! Oh, the torture they teach!
[FIONAS PRINCE]
Whats as intriguing[NELLIES PRINCE]
Or half so fatiguing[BOTH]
As whats out of reach?
[NELLIES PRINCE]
Am I not sensitive, Clever, Well-mannered, Considerate,
Passionate, Charming, As kind as Im handsome And heir
to a throne?
[FIONAS PRINCE]
You are everything maidens could wish for!
[NELLIES PRINCE]
Then why no-?
[FIONAS PRINCE]
Do I know?
[NELLIES PRINCE]
The girl must be mad!
[FIONAS PRINCE]
You know nothing of madness Till youre climbing her
hair And you see her up there AS youre nearing her,
All the while hearing her: Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah[BOTH]
Agony!
[NELLIES PRINCE]
Misery!
[FIONAS PRINCE]
Woe!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

[BOTH]
Though its different for each.
[NELLIES PRINCE]
Always ten steps behind[FIONAS PRINCE]
Always ten feet below[BOTH]
And shes just out of reach. Agony That can cut like a
knife!
I must have her to wife.
(NELLIES PRINCE and FIONAS PRINCE
exit)
(Enter NARRATOR with GIRLS ENSEMBLE)
NARRATOR: "Alright ladies. Now for auditions tomorrow,
the director is expecting nothing but the best. Youll
want to give it your best, perform at your best, but
most importantly, dress your best."
MISFIT 2: "Dress our best? But these raggedy costumes
are all that we have"
NARRATOR: "Well make it work for you then. Listen..."
6. My Strongest Suit- Aida (3:40)
NARRATOR: In Theatre, one has to face much
rejection, of desired leading roles, and chorus
parts. Theres singing, acting, improv, and
dancing, and other various skills in performing
arts. Networking? Talent? I am a doubter. Manners?
Charm? Theyre no way to impress. So forget the
inner me, observe the outer. I am what I where and
how I dress.
Oh now I believe in looking Like my time on earth
is cooking Whether polka dotted Striped or even
checked With the some glamor guaranteeing Every
fiber on of my being Is displayed to quite
remarkable effect
(Ah) From your cradle via trousseau
(Ah) To your deathbed youre on view,
(Ah) So never compromise, accept no substitute
(Ah) I would rather wear a barrel
(Ah) Than conservative apparel

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

(Ah) For my dress has always been

(Ah) My strongest suit
NARRATOR: (add lib) "Now show me what you got!"
(Ah Overwear Underwear Anytime Anywhere)
Staying in or hitting town wards (Ooh ooh ooh ah)
From the top and working downwards (Ooh ooh ooh
ah)
I ensure that every stitch (Ooh ooh ooh ah) Is
stitched in time
Whether wig or hat or turban (Is stitched in time)
Whether clad boudoir or urban (Ooh ooh ooh ah) Not
to strut your stuff (Ooh ooh ooh ah) Outrageously
is a crime (Ooh ooh ooh ah Such a crime)
And the few who are invited (Oooh overwear)
To my wardrobe are delighted (Oooh underwear)
As they wander through my things (Oooh anytime)
To find en route (Were wandering through your
things Oo)
That in negligee or formal (Ooh formal formal Oo)
I am anything but normal (normal normal Ooh ah)
For my dress has always been My strongest suit
(Overwear, underwear, Anytime, anywhere Overwear,
underwear
I am what I wear (Anytime, anywhere)
I said anytime (Overwear, underwear Anytime,
anywhere Overwear,underwear, anytime)
Anywhere So bring me all my finest (Finest)
Most audacious, my divinest (Divinest)
Most revealing most expensive and to boot (Most
revealing Most expensive Most arresting)
Most arresting (Most heart-stopping)
Most heart stopping Most free-flowing Most
eye-popping Most arresting Most heart-stopping
yeah. (Overwear, underwear, anytime, anywhere)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.

Dress has always been My strongest suit (Dress has

always been)
(I am what I wear) My Strongest Suit (I am what I
wear)
You know that I am what I wear (I am what I wear)
Dress has always been My strongest Suit (Dress has
always been My strongest suit)
NARRATOR: "Great job girls! Now lets run it again!"
(Loud thunderclaps)
NARRATOR: "On second thought, I think we better wrap
this up. Looks like a big storms coming in. But meet by
the dock bright and early tomorrow morning for the
auditions!"
(Loud thunderclap)
8. Singing in the Rain- Singing in the Rain (4:00)
Don Lockwood: Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-dloo-doo-doo-doo-doo...
Im singing in the rain Just singing in the rain
What a glorious feelin Im happy again Im
laughing at clouds So dark up above The suns in
my heart And Im ready for love Let the stormy
clouds chase Everyone from the place Come on with
the rain Ive a smile on my face I walk down the
lane With a happy refrain Just singin, Singin in
the rain
Dancin in the rain Dee-ah dee-ah dee-ah Dee-ah
dee-ah dee-ah Im happy again! Im singin and
dancin in the rain!
Im dancin and singin in the rain...
[ADDITIONAL VERSE]
Why am I smiling And why do I sing? Why does September
Seem sunny as spring? Why do I get up Each morning and
start? Happy and head up With joy in my heart Why is
each new task A trifle to do? Because I am living A
life full of you.
(Don exits)
(Effects for storm: thunder clap, flashing lights
for lightning)
(After the storm has died, all the
characters slowly and cautiously walk
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.
out and gather by the pier. They look
concerned and scared, and look around to
make sure their friends are all still
there and alive.)

NARRATOR:
(rushes on after everyone else)
"Hey is everyone alright? Everyone here?"
MISFIT 3: "I think so"
Misfit 4: "Wait! Wheres Gabe?"
Narrator: "Who?"
Misfit 5: "The guy from Next to Normal. Last time I saw
him he was down at the dock"
Misfit 6: "Oh no! But during the storm, lighting hit a
palm tree and it fell on the dock and crushed it!"
MISFIT 7: "So is he... dead?"
(Hear the first two verses sung from offstage and
everyone looks around to see where the voice is
coming from. He appears on the edge of the dock
when he begins to sing the chorus)
Im Alive: Next to Normal (3:13)
I am what you want me to be And Im your worst
fear, youll find it in me Come closer Come closer
I am more than memory, I am what might be I am
mystery You know me So show me When I appear its
not so clear if Im a simple spirit or Im flesh
and blood
But Im alive, Im alive, I am so alive And I feed
on the fear thats behind your eyes And I need you
to need me, its no surprise Im alive, so alive
Im alive.
I am flame and I am fire I am destruction, decay,
and desire Ill hurt you Ill heal you Im your
wish, your dream come true And I am your darkest
nightmare too Ive shown you I own you
And though you made me, you cant change me Im
the perfect stranger who knows you too well
But Im alive, Im alive I am so alive And Ill
tell you the truth if you let me try. Youre
alive, Im alive, and Ill show you why Im alive,
so live
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

Im alive Im right behind you. You say forget but

Ill remind you. You can try to hide but you know
that I will find you. Cause if you wont grieve
me, you wont leave me behind. Oh, how, oh Woah
Woah
No,
you
try
Im
Im

no, no Im alive, Im alive, I am so alive. If

climb on my back then we both can fly If you
to deny me, Ill never die Im alive, so alive
alive Yeah yeah Im alive Im alive Im alive
alive

(All misfits rejoice)

MISFIT 8:"Gabe! Were so glad youre safe!"
GABE: "Pshh nothings going to stop me from doing
that audition tomorrow! Not even a little rain!"
(all Misfits turn to look at Narrator)
MISFIT 9: "We ARE having the auditions still
tomorrow right?"
NARRATOR: (says timidly). "Well of course, the
show must go on, as they say... but I need to make
a phone call, so, uh, you all just go back to
prepping your songs! Excuse me"
(NARRATOR runs off)
(All Misfits chat and gradually leave stage too,
except for Munchkin and Young Cosette)
YOUNG COSETTE:"Hey whats wrong?"
MUNCHKIN: "The storm ruined everything and all they can
think about is that dumb audition! The pier, the
hammock, our sandbox, everythings gone! And now we
have nothing!"
YOUNG COSETTE: "Forget them. At least we still have
each other"
MUNCHKIN: "Well yeah. I just wish the two of us could
get out of this place"
YOUNG COSETTE: "Where would we go? New York?"
MUNCHKIN: "No! There!"
YOUNG COSETTE: "where?"
MUNCHKIN: "Over the rainbow!"
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

NARRATOR: (contd)
9. Over the Rainbow- Wizard of Oz
Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high. Theres
a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue. And
the dreams that you dare to dream Really do come
true. Someday Ill wish upon a star and wake up
where the clouds are far Behind me. Where troubles
melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney
tops. Thats where youll find me. Somewhere, over
the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the
rainbow, Why then - oh, why cant I? If happy
little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, Why, oh,
why cant I?
(Young Cosette smiles and takes his hand and the
two skip offstage)
(Meanwhile, the NARRATOR is pacing back
and forth talking on cellphone)
NARRATOR:"Hello? Hello? Look my connections not that
good. There was a terrible storm tonight and the place
is just a mess... With the dock damaged, no boats can
come through... Yeah I know auditions are supposed to
be tomorrow, but I dont think the dock will be
repaired anytime soon... Well I dont know, but theres
no way youre going to be able to get out here by
tomorrow... Well what do you want me to do, select the
show myself?... Wait, you do? But sir, I cant, I...
hello? Sir?"
(Phone Connection lost)
NARRATOR: "Pick a show myself? No, I cant, thats not
my decision thats... but this could be my big break as
a director, my one shot. But what if I blow it? What if
I pick a show and it ends up being a total train wreck,
like Spider-Man? Oh, come to your senses, youve got a
job to do. But these characters, theyre all so
talented, but more than that, theyre all good people.
How do I choose just one?"
10. Come to Your Senses- Tick Tick...BOOM! (4:26)
(NARRATOR)
Youre on the air, Im underground Signals fading,
Cant be found I finally open up For you I would do
anything But youve turned off the volume Just when
Ive begun to sing
Come to your senses Defenses are not the way to go And
you know, Or at least you knew
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

15.

(NARRATOR) (contd)
Everythings strange, Youve changed and I dont know
what to do To get through I dont know what to do
I have to laugh We sure put on a show Love is passe in
this day and age How can we expect it to grow?
You as the knight Me as the queen All Ive got tonight
Is static on a screen
Come to your senses The fences inside are not for real
If we feel as we did, and I do
Cant you recall When this all began It was only you
and me It was only me and you
But now the air is filled with confusion Weve replaced
care with illusion
Its cool to be cold Nothing lasts anymore Love becomes
disposable This is the shape of things We cannot ignore
Come to your senses Suspense is fine If youre just an
empty image Emanating out of a screen
Baby be real, You can feel again You dont need a music
box melody To know what I mean
Deep in my eyes, What do you see Deep in my sighs,
Listen to me
Let the music commence from inside Not only one sense,
but use all five
Come to your senses Come to your senses Come to your
senses Katie come back alive
(Curtain closes)
PENNY-Hey now, everybody, hold on here just a minute.
It has been a privilege to perform for this audience
tonight, and yes I know its intermission, and youve
all got some "business" to take care of, But here on
Broadway we do things a little differently. If you
would so kindly give our show a small donation on your
way to the restroom that would be greatly appreciated.
But if you dont? Then I hope you can hold it for
another half hour because here, its a privilege to
pee.
11. Privilege to Pee- Urinetown (1:40)

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

16.

"Times are hard" "Our cash is tight" "Youve got

no right" Ive heard it all before "Just this
once" Is once too much Cause once theyve onced
Theyll want to once once more
I run the only toilet In this part of town, you
see So, if youve got to go Youve got to go
through me
Its a privilege to pee Waters worth its weight
In gold these days
No more bathrooms Like in olden days You come here
and pay a fee For the privilege to pee
Twenty years weve had the drought And our
reservoirs have all dried up I take my baths now
in a coffee cup I boil whats left of it for tea
And its a privilege to pee
The politicians in their wisdom saw That there
should be a law The politicians taxed the toilets
And made illegal Public urination and defecation
So, come and give your coins to me Write your name
here in the record book The authorities will want
to look If youve been regular with me If youve
paid the proper fee For the privilege to pee
End of act 1
Intermission
Act 2:
12. I Know Its Today: Shrek The Musical (5:20)
YOUNG FIONA,
(Spoken) Settle in everyone. Its story
time!
(Sung) Theres a princess In a tower Oh my gosh,
thats just like me Poor Rapunzel Needs a haircut
But the witch wont set her free She passes time
by singing Like someone else I know As years go by
she sits and waits As years go by? Uh oh A
torturous existence I dont remember this part!
She wishes she were dead? Skip ahead skip ahead!
But in the end Rapunzel finds a millionaire The
prince is good at climbing and braiding golden
hair!

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

17.

So I know, hell appear Cause there are rules and

there are strictures I believe the storybooks I
read by candlelight My white knight, and his steed
Will look just like these pictures! It wont be
long now, I guarantee! Day number 23. I know its
today I know its today
TEENAGE FIONA:
(Spoken) Oh heres a good one! Its a classic!
(Sung) Theres a princess In a coma Glad its her
instead of me. Pretty maiden In a glass box How I
wonder does she pee? Blah blah blah, poison apple
Boring boring evil queen Filler filler, been
there, read that! Seven shorties on the scene.
Skip ahead, skip ahead But in the end the princess
wakes up with a start The prince is good at
kissing And melting Snow Whites heart!
So I know, hell appear And his armor will be
blinding! As shining as his perfect teeth And then
repose Hell propose On one knee And our prenupt
will be binding! About time we set the wedding
date! Day number 958. I know its today. Hell show
up today....
FIONA:
...ay... Theres a princess Any princess Take your
pick, theyre all like me Not exactly, Im still
waiting theyre living happily Ever after better
get here I want love in seconds flat No one needs
these middle bits Oops, did I do that?
Cut the villains, cut the vamping Cut this
fairytale Cut the peril and the pitfalls Cut the
puppet and the whale Cut the monsters, cut the
curses Keep the intro, cut the verses And the
waiting, the waiting, the waiting, the waiting The
waiting!
But I know, hell appear Though I seem a bit
bipolar And Im a vandal now as well, though he
wont mind Im a find, Im a catch And a very
gifted bowler! It wont be long now, I guarantee!
Day number
Are you there God? Its me Fiona
ALL FIONAS:
Its me Fiona!
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

18.

Now I know, hell appear Cause there are rules and

there are strictures I believe the storybooks I
read by candlelight My white knight, my knight and
his steed Will look just like these pictures! It
wont be long now, I guarantee!
YOUNG FIONA
Day number 23
TEENAGE FIONA
Day number 958
FIONA:
Day number 4823
YOUNG FIONA
I know its today, oooo
TEENAGE FIONA
I know its today, oooo
FIONA,
I know its today, oooo
YOUNG FIONA
I know its today, oooo
TEENAGE FIONA
I know its today, oooo
FIONA,
I Know its today
ALL FIONAS,
I know its today!
(Prince rushes onstage, announcing the news)
FIONAS PRINCE: "Princess! Today has finally arrived!"
FIONA: "What did you just say?"
PRINCE: "Todays the day. Audition day!"
FIONA: "Oh, right, that."
PRINCE: "So are you coming or what, because I dont
want to be late"
FIONA: "Umm, you go ahead, Ill catch up in a bit"
PRINCE: "Suit yourself"
(PRINCE runs off stage)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

19.

ALL FIONAS, (contd)

FIONA: "too good to be true"
(FIONA hugs the other girls and exits
with them)
(All characters anxiously waiting onstage, and
NARRATOR enters)
NARRATOR: "Morning everyone! Weve got no time to waste
so lets get started and kick off these auditions! The
"casting director" who will be judging these auditions
is here observing you, er mm from a disclosed location.
The director wants you to perform as if you were in
front of an audience, so step up to the mic, and give
it your best! First up, Annie Oakley and Frank Butler
from Annie Get Your Gun!
(misfits applaud and exit along with narrator)
19. Anything You Can Do- Annie Get Your Gun (3:20)
ANNIE OAKLEY FRANK BUTLER:
Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything
Better than you.
No, you cant. Yes, I can. No, you cant. Yes, I can.
No, you cant. Yes, I can, Yes, I can!
Anything you can be I can be greater. Sooner or later,
Im greater than you.
No, youre not. Yes, I am. No, youre not. Yes, I am.
No, youre NOT!. Yes, I am. Yes, I am!
I can shoot a partridge With a single cartridge. I can
get a sparrow With a bow and arrow. I can live on bread
and cheese. And only on that? Yes. So can a rat! Any
note you can reach I can go higher. I can sing anything
Higher than you. No, you cant. (High) Yes, I can.
(Higher) No, you cant. (Higher) Yes, I can. (Higher)
No, you cant. (Higher) Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you
cant. (Higher) Yes, I can. (Higher) No, you cant.
(Higher) Yes, I CAN! (Highest)
Anything you can buy I can buy cheaper. I can buy
anything Cheaper than you.
Fifty cents? Forty cents! Thirty cents? Twenty cents!
No, you cant! Yes, I can, Yes, I can! Anything you can
say I can say softer. I can say anything Softer than
you. No, you cant. (Softly) Yes, I can. (Softer) No,
you cant. (Softer) Yes, I can. (Softer) No, you cant.
(Softer) Yes, I can. (Softer) YES, I CAN! (Full volume)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

20.

ANNIE OAKLEY FRANK BUTLER: (contd)

I can jump a hurdle. I can wear a girdle. I can knit a
sweater. I can fill it better! I can do most anything!
Can you bake a pie? No. Neither can I. Any note you can
hold I can hold longer. I can hold any note Longer than
you.
No, you cant. Yes, I can No, you cant. Yes, I can No,
you cant. Yes, I can Yes, I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I No, you
C-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-NT-- CA-A-A-A-N! (Cough,
cough!) Yes, you ca-a-a-an!
(Bow and exit stage)
(Enter Chava, Hodel, and Tzeitel)
16. Matchmaker Matchmaker- Fiddler on the Roof (2:22)
Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match, Find me a
find, catch me a catch Matchmaker, Matchmaker Look
through your book, And make me a perfect match
Chava: Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Ill bring the
veil, You bring the groom, Slender and pale. Bring
me a ring for Im longing to be, The envy of all I
see.
Hodel: For Papa, Make him a scholar.
Chava: For mama, Make him rich as a king.
Chava and Hodel: For me, well, I wouldnt holler
If he were as handsome as anything.
Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make me a match, Find me a
find, Catch me a catch, Night after night in the
dark Im alone So find me match, Of my own.
Hodel, oh Hodel, Have I made a match for you! Hes
handsome, hes young! Alright, hes 62. But hes a
nice man, a good catch, true? True.
I promise youll be happy, And even if youre not,
Theres more to life than that--- Dont ask me
what.
Chava: Matchmaker, Matchmaker, You know that Im
Still very young. Please, take your time.
Hodel: Up to this minute, I misunderstood That I
could get stuck for good.
Chava and Hodel: Dear Yenta, See that hes gentle
Remember, You were also a bride. Its not that Im
sentimental
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

21.

Chava and Hodel and Tzeitel: Its just that Im

terrified!
Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Plan me no plans Im in no
rush Maybe Ive learned Playing with matches A
girl can get burned So, Bring me no ring Groom me
no groom Find me no find Catch me no catch Unless
hes a matchless match.
(Girls curtsy and exit)
(Enter Amos, who smiles and says hello to the
girls as they pass but they dont even notice him
and keep walking)
17. Mr. Cellophane- Chicago (3:43)
Amos: If someone stood up in a crowd And raised
his voice up way out loud And waved his arm and
shook his leg Youd notice him
If someone in the movie show Yelled "Fire in the
second row This whole place is a powder keg!"
Youd notice him
And even without clucking like a hen Everyone gets
noticed, now and then, Unless, of course, that
personage should be Invisible, inconsequential me!
Cellophane Mister Cellophane Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane Cause you can look right
through me Walk right by me And never know Im
there...
I tell ya Cellophane Mister Cellophane Shoulda
been my name Mister Cellophane Cause you can look
right through me Walk right by me And never know
Im there...
Suppose you was a little cat Residing in a
persons flat Who fed you fish and scratched your
ears? Youd notice him
Suppose you was a woman, wed And sleepin in a
double bed Beside one man, for seven years Youd
notice him
A human beings made of more than air With all
that bulk, youre bound to see him there Unless
that human bein next to you Is unimpressive,
undistinguished You know who...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

22.
Cellophane Mister Cellophane Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane Cause you can look right
through me Walk right by me And never know Im
there... I tell ya Cellophane Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my name Mister Cellophane Cause you
can look right through me Walk right by me And
never know Im there Never even know Im there.
Hope I didnt take up too much of your time.

(Amos exits. Patrice enters)

PATRICE:"Id like to say something before I start. At
some point, we were all forced to leave our homes on
Broadway, and start new lives here. And when we first
got to this place, face it, we were a bunch of misfits.
All year, you look forward to this one day, and when
you talk about this audition, you talk about the chance
to go home again. But now after being here for so long,
as lame of a place as it is, this feels like home to
me.
20. Lamest Place in the World- 13 (3:01)
Patrice: Down the road, theres a sandy beach Up
the block, theres a hot springs Theres a place
you can go snorkeling with fish. A school, palm
trees, a couple of churches And no matter how hard
anybody searches Thats about as thrilling as this
stupid island gets
Its the lamest place in the world But it just got
a little bit better So dont disappear Its the
lamest place in the world But Im pretty sure Its
not as lame as it was before Now that youre here
Three miles to the nearest river One mile to the
boat dock When we plan our escape, thats where
were going to have to be Its a shame, its a
sham, its a terrible pity You got dragged away
from New York City Its major suck for you but
its amazing luck for me
Its the lamest place in the world But it just got
a little bit better Im happy to say Its the
lamest place in the world
Your completely exotic Intellectual neurotic You
would never have a shot except Youve found the
perfect guide And though I dont really know you I
can hardly wait to show you
Every fake and freak Every fool and clown Since
the islanders settled this stupid town Let and
laugh They wont keep me down With you by my side
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

23.
And it just got a little bit better Amazing but
true Yes, the lamest place in the world Has lots
of flaws But maybe itll be fine because It
brought me to you.

(curtsies and is about to head offstage when

NARRATOR stops her)
NARRATOR: "Patrice! Wait! Stay there for a moment!
Everyone come on out here!"
PATRICE: "Whats going on?"
NARRATOR: "Everyone, I have an announcement."
MISFIT 10: "Wait! Did the casting director already make
his decision?"
MISFIT 11: "But I havent gotten to go yet!"
NARRATOR:" No, no. Look, I lied to you all. The Casting
Director isnt actually here."
(all Misfits gasp)
NARRATOR: "Im sorry! But the storm made it impossible
for him to get here."
MISFIT 12: "So the auditions today were for nothing!"
NARRATOR: "No listen! So in his place, the
responsibility to make the decision was passed along to
me."
(all Misfits gasp again)
NARRATOR: "And believe me, this is the toughest choice
Ive ever had to make. But I have made a decision.
Besides being a director, Ive also had some experience
with play writing. Which is why Ive decided to write
an original musical about all of you!"
(All Misfits cheer)
NARRATOR: Itll be about how your stories were
reinvented on this Island! Well call it, "Misfits: The
Musical".
(All characters cheer with excitement)
NARRATOR: "Just watch! I bet in a years time well be
the biggest hit on Broadway!"
Misfit 13: "But not if we dont get off this island.
Face it, were all stranded!"
Witch: "No! This is our dream! We cant just give
up!"
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

24.

Misfit 14: "Well what do you propose we do? Swim

all the way to New York?"
Witch:

"Not swim. Fly."

Defying Gravity: Wicked

Something has changed within me Something is not
the same Im through with playing by the rules Of
someone elses game
Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back
to sleep Its time to trust my instincts Close my
eyes: and leap!
Its time to try defying gravity I think Ill try
defying gravity Kiss me goodbye I am defying
gravity And you wont bring me down!
Im through accepting limits cause someone says
theyre so Some things I cannot change But till I
try, Ill never know!
Too long Ive been afraid of Losing love I guess
Ive lost Well, if thats love It comes at much
too high a cost!
Id sooner buy defying gravity Kiss me goodbye Im
defying gravity I think Ill try defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!
Id sooner buy defying gravity Kiss me goodbye Im
defying gravity I think Ill try defying gravity
And you wont bring me down! bring me down! ohh
ohhh ohhhh!
NARRATOR: "And thats how this show came to be! Well,
looks like my stage manager took care of all the
technical difficulties. So without further ado, please
enjoy our production of, "Misfits: The Musical".
(All for finale/curtain call)
22. Goodbye- The Producers (O:36)
Thanks for coming to see our show Sad to tell you
we got to go Grab your hat and head for the door
In case you didnt notice, there aint any more!
If you like our show tell evryone but... If you
think it stinks, keep your big mouth shut! Were
glad you came but we have to shout
Adios,
au revoir, wiedersehen, ta-ta-ta
Goodbye...get lost...get out!!
-End