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Task 1

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Students submission
The line graph compares the number of people visiting the UK with that of the British travelling abroad between 1979 and 1999, and the bar chart gives information about the places UK residents liked visiting in 1999.

The British travelling overseas numbered slightly above 10 million in 1979, and this figure almost doubled in the next 6 years, followed by a quantum leap to about 52 million in 1999. On the other hand, the number of foreigners visiting Britain stood at 10 million in 1979. This number experienced a marginal climb of 2 million in 1985, after which the figure had totalled 28 million by 1999.

A little more than 10 million UK visitors preferred visiting France in 1999, followed by Spain, which was favoured by 9 million of them. In comparison to America (4

million) and Greece (2.5 million), Turkey was the least popular among UK residents, chosen by only around 2 million of them.

In summary, it is evident that UK residents going abroad outnumbered foreigners visiting the UK over the 20-year period, and that France was the most popular destination among British in 1999.

Grade
TA 8 CC 7 LR 7 GRA 8

Overall = 7.5

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Error corrections, suggestions, and explanations by Tish
Tish Kirkland 23/7/12 12:34 PM
Comment: places could be internal, not international (LR)

Tish Kirkland 23/7/12 12:34 PM

Comment: Here I think you should use a noun, not an adjective. (LR)

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:35 PM

Deleted: The British

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:38 PM

Deleted: followed by a quantum leap

Tish Kirkland 23/7/12 12:34 PM

Comment: This is not am appropriate term to use. A quantum leap refers to a scientific term and is not suitable here. In addition, there isnt any leap shown, rather there is a steady increase. (LR)

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:38 PM

Deleted: in

The line graph compares the number of people from overseas visiting the UK with that of the British travelling abroad between 1979 and 1999, and the bar chart gives information about the countries UK residents liked visiting in 1999.

Tish Kirkland 23/7/12 12:35 PM

Comment: This is not on the other hand, as the numbers show a similar trend to those of the first line descried. On the other hand should be used when the data or information is contrary, surprising, or opposite. (CC/LR)

British people travelling overseas numbered slightly above 10 million in 1979, and this figure almost doubled in the next 6 years, and continued to increase steadily to about 52 million by 1999. On the other hand, the number of foreigners visiting Britain stood at 10 million in 1979. This number experienced a marginal climb, reaching 2 million by 1985, after which the figure totalled 28 million by 1999.

Tish Kirkland 23/7/12 12:35 PM

Comment: If you say in 1985, there is no indication that it grew steadily over this time. It could have dipped in 1981 with the previous explanation. (TA)

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:41 PM

Deleted: of

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:41 PM

Deleted: had

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In terms of overseas destinations, a little more than 10 million UK residents preferred visiting France in 1999, followed by Spain, which was favoured by 9 million. In comparison to America (4 million) and Greece (2.5 million), Turkey was the least popular among UK residents, chosen by only around 2 million of them.
Tish Kirkland 23/7/12 12:35 PM
Comment: You need to indicate what the paragraph will be about here. (CC)

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:41 PM

Deleted: A

Tish Kirkland 23/7/12 12:35 PM

Comment: Take care to read the graph correctly (TA/LR)

In

summary,

it

is

evident

that

UK

residents

going

abroad

Tish Kirkland 23/7/12 12:35 PM

Comment: Or you could have written visitors from the UK. UK visitors sounds like people going to the UK, not from.

outnumbered foreigners visiting the UK over the 20-year period, and that Western Europe was the most popular destination for British travellers in 1999.

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:42 PM

Deleted: visitors

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:44 PM

Deleted: of them

Notes: If you had written countries instead of places and residents instead of visitors, I would have given you an 8 for LR thus boosting your overall grade to an 8.

Tish Kirkland 23/7/12 12:36 PM

Comment: France is OK, but I have paraphrased is as Western Europe to Include Spain, as France and Spain were the most popular.

Tish Kirkland 23/7/12 12:36 PM

Comment: I think its good that you use the British at least once, to show flexibility with this word, but you also need to remember that nouns are important too. (LR)

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:44 PM

Deleted: France

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:45 PM

Deleted: among

Tish Kirkland 18/7/12 9:45 PM

Deleted: the