DATE WITH THE NIGHT

A job can leave relationships in the dark

COLLEGE WEIGHT GAIN
How to combat those sneaky pounds
SEPTEMBER 4, 2008
life. and how to have one.
The myths and
misconceptions of
masturbation
Jayplay
CONTENTS
2
September 4, 2008
629 N. 2nd Street. Lawrence, KS
785-749-0200
www.subsonicscooters.com www.subsonicscooters.com
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b i t r
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PARKING
V.I.P
right outside your classroom door
49 CCs Scooters from
$
1,199
00
the lowdown on shoplifting
14
catch me if you can
dont let the freshman 15 weigh
you down 9
healthy and happy
contact 4-6 | play 7
health 8-9 | notice 10-11,14-17
manual 18 | reviews 19-22
September 4, 2008
Volume 6, Issue 3
Going to work when most people sleep
can put your relationship in the twilight
zone. Well tell you how to cope.
working the night away
44
good-for-you guilty pleasure?
12
a hands-on taboo
3
September 4, 2008
thursday, sept. 4
Veggie Lunch. Ecumenical
Christian Ministries, 11:30
a.m., all ages, FREE.
Tea at Three. Kansas
Union Lobby, 3 to 4 p.m., all
ages, FREE, www.suaevents.
com.
SUA Texas Holdem
Tournament. Burge
Union, Crimson Caf, 4:30
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
suaevents.com.
Sarah Buxton. KC Power
and Light District, 7 p.m.,
21+, FREE.
Randy Rogers Band.
The Granada, 8 p.m., all ages,
$12.
BOOYA! Art and Music
Event with Baby Birds
Dont Drink Milk/DJ
Dr. Hi. The Jackpot, 8 p.m.,
18+, $3-$5.
Film: Indiana Jones and
The Kingdom of The
Crystal Skull. Kansas
Union, Woodruff Auditorium,
8 p.m., all ages, $2, www.
suaevents.com.
NEON Dance Party.
The Bottleneck, 10 p.m.,
18+, $5.
John Gibbons Presents:
Bring Back Comedy.
The Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., 21+,
$3.
Intronaut/Behold the
Arctopus/Mouth of
the Architect. Replay
Lounge, 10 p.m., 21+, $2.
FREE PLAY at The
Replay. Replay Lounge, 3
p.m. to 6 p.m., all ages, FREE.
Zona Rosa Weekend
Music Series. Zona Rosa
Town Square, 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.,
all ages, FREE.
Visiting artist Martha
Walvoord, violin. Murphy
Hall, Swarthout Recital Hall,
7:30 p.m., all ages, FREE.
Signs of Life Friday
Night Concerts. Signs of
Life, 7:30 p.m., all ages, FREE.
The Crumpletons. Abe &
Jakes Landing, 8 p.m., 18+, $5.
Film: Indiana Jones and
The Kingdom of The
Crystal Skull. Kansas
Union,Woodruff Auditorium,
8 p.m., all ages, $2, www.
suaevents.com.
Outformation. The
Bottleneck, 9 p.m., 18+, $7,
www.foryouroutformation.com.
Patties, Pong and PBR.
Nice Cafe. 9 p.m., all ages,
FREE.
Friday Nights @ Liquid.
Liquid, 9:30 p.m. to 2 a.m., 18+,
$5-$8.
Lymbyc Systym/This
Will Destroy You/Black
Christmas. The Jackpot,
10 p.m., 18+, $5-$7, www.
lymbycsystym.com.
Cosmic Bowling. Kansas
Union, Jaybowl, 10 p.m., all
ages, FREE.
friday, sept. 5
Downtown Lawrence
Farmers Market. Eighth
and New Hampshire Streets, 7
a.m. to 11 a.m., all ages, FREE,
www.lawrencefarmersmarket.
com.
Lecture: Post
Conventions: Whats
Next in Election 2008.
Kansas Union,Alderson
Auditorium, 1:30 p.m., all ages,
FREE.
Union Pregame Party.
Kansas Union,West Terrace,
3:30 p.m., all ages, FREE.
Red Balloon To Do 6.
Downtown Lawrence, 5 p.m.
to 9 p.m., all ages, FREE.
Mad Libby/Rex Hobart/
Deloreon/Dobson
Hall/The Sunshine
Destroyers/The
Waiting List. The Record
Bar, 7 p.m., 21+, $10-$12.
KC Improv Festival.
Union Station, 7 p.m., all ages,
$15.
Film: Indiana Jones and
The Kingdom of The
Crystal Skull. Kansas
Union,Woodruff Auditorium,
8 p.m., all ages, $2, www.
suaevents.com.
Ad Astra Per Aspera/
Fourth of July/Boo and
Boo Too/Coat Party.
The Granada, 9 p.m., all ages,
$7.
Pleaseeasaur. The Jackpot,
9 p.m., 18+, $10-$12, www.
myspace.com/pleaseeasaur.
saturday, sept 6 tuesday, sept. 9
wednesday, sept. 10
Visiting artist Carine
Gutlemer, piano. Murphy
Hall, Swarthout Recital Hall,
7:30 p.m., all ages, FREE.
Tuesday Night Folk
Concerts. Signs of Life, 7:30
p.m., all ages, FREE.
Tuesday Nite Swing.
Kansas Union, Kansas Room,
8 p.m., all ages, FREE, groups.
yahoo.com/group/kuswingsociety.
Melissa Etheridge.
Midland Theater, 8 p.m., all ages,
$50-$100.
Tanner Walle/Andrew
Morgan/Billy Wassung.
Fatsos, 9 p.m., 21+, $5, www.
tannerwalle.com.
Study Abroad Fair.
Kansas Union, 4th Floor, 9:30
a.m. to 3:30 p.m., all ages,
FREE, www.studyabroad.ku.edu.
University Forum:
Murder in the
Sunfower State.
Ecumenical Christian
Ministries, 12 p.m., all ages,
FREE.
Chess Night. Aimees
Coffee House, 7 p.m., all ages,
FREE.
Election 2008 Forum.
Dole Institute of Politics,
7:30 p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
doleinstitute.org.
Pride Night. The Granada,
9 p.m. to 2 a.m., 18+, $5.
monday, sept. 8
Kansas City
Renaissance Festival.
Bonner Springs Exit 224,
10 a.m. to 7 p.m., all ages,
$8-$18, www.kcrenfest.com.
KU Symphony
Orchestra. Murphy Hall,
Swarthout Recital Hall, 2:30
p.m., all ages, FREE, www.
symphony.ku.edu.
Hip Hop and Hot
Wings. The Peanut, 9 p.m.,
21+, $2.
Sera Cahoone/What
Laura Says. The Jackpot,
10 p.m., 18+, $5-$6, www.
myspace.com/seracahoone.
Rural Grit Happy Hour.
The Brick, 6 p.m., 21+, $3.
Visiting artists Winds
of Freedom. Murphy Hall,
Swarthout Recital Hall, 7:30
p.m., all ages, FREE.
Spencer Goertz-Giffen/
Alex Fetterman/
Bombstad/Katlyn
Conroy. Gaslight Tavern, 10
p.m., 21+, $3.
These Are Powers/
Coat Party/Boo and
Boo Too. The Jackpot,
10 p.m., 18+, $5-$7, www.
myspace.com/thesearepowers.
The Spanktones Open
Jam. The Jazzhaus, 10 p.m.,
21+, $2, www.jazzhaus.com.
sunday, sept 7
I was
pushing
my way
through
Aristotles
Politics and waiting for Western Civ
class to begin one morning when a girl
blew into the classroom and sat down
two rows ahead of me, a bundle of
messy hair and big, clacky jewelry.
She began babbling to a rather
bored-looking male friend about a
phone conversation shed had, who
shed seen at the Underground that
morning, her big Thursday night plans.
Then, nonchalantly, as if asking the time,
she inquired, So, did you see Skeletor
on campus yesterday?
At frst I wondered how she could
have possibly expected that this guy
would have seen the exact person she
was referring to out of the thousands
of people swarming campus. But, as I
listened, I realized she was ridiculing
an extremely thin girl shed seen the
day before. With loud gestures and an
even louder voice, she described just
what the girl looked likeher sunken
eyes and the sharp tips of her shoulder
bonesand how absolutely grossed
out she was by her.
Then, as if on cue, an overweight girl
came into the classroom and took the
seat right in front of the jabbering girl,
who then stopped jabbering about the
thin girl, gawked at the overweight girl,
and turned to her friend and made a
face of disgust and contempt.
And I just sat back in awe, amazed
that this obnoxious, oblivious girl had
just illustrated the cultural cacophony
of body expectations that has always
baffed me.
Talk of weight, bodies and diet is a
constant presence in our lives. It hangs
in the air, at the back of our conversa-
tions, ready to serve as a point of con-
nection, even with people we barely
know.
As I sit on campus writing this, I
overhear girls yammering about how
much they hate their bodies as they
wait for class to begin. I see a guy wear-
ing a Hawk Football shirt that boasts
Our Coach Beat Anorexia on the
back.
Navigating such confusion is diffcult
for anyone, but as college students, we
face increased pressure regarding our
appearance and feel perhaps a greater
need to impress those around us.
Read Ashers story on page 9 about
the challenges of staying healthy in col-
lege and the services the University has
in place to help you out.
Striking a balance is easier said than
done, but many wise philosophers have
hailed moderation as the key to true
contentment.
Thats the other thing Ill always re-
member from Western Civ: Aristotles
credence that virtue lies between the
extremes of excess and defciency.
lMegan Hirt, editor
editors note
Editor Megan Hirt
Associate editor Sasha Roe
Photo editor Jon Goering
Designers Drew Bergman, Peter Soto,
Becky Sullivan
Contact Carly Halvorson, Matt
Hirschfeld
Health Asher Fusco, Susan Melgren,
Realle Roth
Manual Heather Melanson, Ariel Tilson
Notice Matt Bechtold, Nina Libby, Sean
Rosner
Play Brianne Pfannenstiel, Derek Zarda
Contact us
jayplay08@gmail.com
Jayplay
The University Daily Kansan
111 Stauffer-Flint Hall
1435 Jayhawk Blvd.
Lawrence, KS 66045
(785) 864-4810
Contributors Mark Arehart, Clayton
Ashley, Darron Carswell, Francesca
Chambers, Matthew Crooks, Miller
Davis, Chris Horn, Mia Iverson,
Danny Nordstrom, Abby Olcese,
Amanda Sorell, Elise Stawarz
Creative consultant
Carol Holstead
jayplayers
Correction: Last weeks Jayplay
contained errors. The story Wii Love
Harry Potter incorrectly stated that
Electronic Arts had announced that
the video game version of Harry Potter
and the Half-Blood Prince would be
released in July 2009. The company has
not yet announced a release date. The
article also incorrectly stated that EA
created the Red Steel video game. EA
did not make or publish Red Steel.
venues
Abe & Jakes Landing
8 E. Sixth St.
(785) 841-5855
The Bottleneck
737 New Hampshire St.
(785) 841-5483
The Brick
1727 McGee St.
Kansas City, Mo.
(816) 421-1634
Fatsos
1016 Massachusetts St.
Lawrence
(785) 865-4055
The Granada
1020 Massachusetts St.
Lawrence
(785) 842-1390
Midland Theater
1228 Main St.
Kansas City, Mo.
(816) 471-9703
The Peanut
5000 Main St.
Kansas City, Mo.
(816) 753-9499
The Record Bar
1020 Westport Rd.
Kansas City, Mo.
(816) 753-5207
Replay Lounge
946 Massachusetts St.
Lawrence
(785) 749-7676
CONTACT
4
September 4, 2008
By Matt Hirschfeld
mhirschfeld@kansan.com
Mona Panztanga is proud. Her 12-year-
old son is fnally playing real basketball. Not
a pick-up game or backyard fun, but actual
basketball at a summer camp. Panztanga was
nowhere to be seen, though. She was at
home, sleeping off a nights work.
Panztanga, a nontraditional student at
Haskell Indian Nations University in Law-
rence, has worked at CVS Pharmacy as a
night shift supervisor since January. She
manages, week after week, to balance 27
hours at her night job, 14 hours of work-
study and 12 hours of school. She also has
fve children, ages 19, 17, 12, seven and six.
Balancing a night job and a full academic
schedule proves complicated for a lot of
students, but many come to schedule their
lives around a time when most people are
sleeping to prepare for their day and eve-
ning work and school days.
Help from her boyfriend of fve years,
Tommy, helps Panztanga alleviate the strug-
gle of the limited time with her family she
settles with every week. She says that she
usually gets to spend personal time with
Tommy only on Friday and Saturdays, but
lately she has been staying in, just too tired
to go out like she used to.
I get home from school, and theres just
not enough time. Im just so tired, Panz-
tanga says.
Lawrence psychologist Marciana Vequist
says a relationship hurdle that deals with
time presents a tricky situation for couples.
She says couples should prioritize spend-
ing time with one another. This may require
more time, energy and patience than cou-
ples who work 9 to 5.
Vequist says to spend time with one
another during each others peak energy
time, and try to save other activities such
as homework for times when not so much
energy needs to be exerted.
Peak time is also a good time for sex.
And both people need to be fexible with
their scheduling conficts, not just the per-
son who is working at night, Vequist says.
Flexibility comes in the form of friends
for Panztanga, who says she has friends who
are supportive of her job and her decision
to go back to school after a 17-year absence.
As president of Haskell Intertribal Cultural
Club, she has the opportunity to meet sup-
portive friends and even some in the same
situation as she. She says they understand
the balancing act that life becomes when
working a night job.
Panztanga is proud that her family has
banded together behind her decision to
go back to school. Some have even learned
how to cook at a relatively young age, she
says, which makes her more proud than any
three-pointer or steal during a basketball
game could.
Balance is a key to surviving a night job,
William Stewart-Starks, Lawrence senior,
says. He works at Target as a night stocker
and has worked many night jobs in recent
years, and says he feels more productive, f-
nancially stable and less stressed out with
the staple of a night job.
Stewart-Starks usually gets off work
at about 6 a.m. and sleeps until his mid-
morning classes start. He says he catches up
on his sleep on days off and the weekend,
sometimes sleeping for 12 hours straight
out of sheer exhaustion.
If hes fred up when hes getting off at
6 a.m., she just waking up at 6 a.m., there
you go, two people with a lot of energy and
needing a place to put it, says Dr. Kurian-
sky, author of The Complete Idiots Guide to a
Healthy Relationship and Generation Sex.
Stewart-Starks has had a girlfriend for
three and a half years. The relationship sur-
vived a year of him working 40 hours a week
at night and attending class full-time.
His girlfriend, Courtney Ducharme,
Salina junior, is concerned with him working
nights, she says, but its an issue they have
to deal with. They see each other daily, and
once they get into the routine of his night
schedule, their time becomes easier to bal-
ance.
It really frustrates me because I know
hell be tired for his classes and I really just
want him to succeed, Ducharme says.
Dr. Kuriansky says couples should appre-
ciate that they have the separation. It makes
a couple more desirous of the time they
spend together.
With so much technology today, Dr.
Kuriansky also says couples should leave
little surprises for each other, such as text
messages, e-mails or even things under a
pillow, to remind each other that they are
still thinking about one another even if not
physically there.
Vequist also warns that couples should
not approach their relationship as a to-do
list. Seeing your signifcant other should not
be a chore to complete, she says. She has
seen this happen and the result she typically
sees is that the peak time gets shafted.
It is typically misconstrued that the per-
son working the night job is making more
sacrifces, she says.
The person working 9 to 5 could really
be putting more into it even though its not
their schedule that causes the time confict,
Vequist says.
Stewart-Starks has met most of his
friends through his girlfriend and the orga-
nizations he is involved in. He is also cam-
paigning for a seat in the Kansas House of
Representatives, and meets friends along the
campaign trail. He says its diffcult to con-
nect with people outside his recreational
activities because of his time commitments.
Couples need to recognize that situa-
tions, such as the ones Stewart-Starks and
Panztanga are in, are not going to last for-
ever, Dr. Kuriansky says.
Thats the thing about college, Dr. Ku-
riansky says. Things change.
Sleeping of the job
Photo illustration by Chance Dibben
A night job puts strain on both the person burning the
midnight oil and the signifcant other left to deal with a
fatigued companion.
Students who work the night shift struggle to find time for relationships
CONTACT
5
September 4, 2008
Matt: Once, a person I was dat-
ing left town for a week-long vacation in
Florida. Yes, a whole week. We were still
in the honeymoon phase, so I couldnt get
enough of the quality time we spent to-
gether.
By the time the week was almost up, it
felt like a month. A month of thinking and
thinking and thinking about us. When
we reunited, all my previous thoughts
went down the drain. We were both the
same person (one a tad more begrudg-
ingly tan), but how we communicated
during the absence made the difference.
We called and texted every day. I provid-
ed Facebook and Lawrence updates, and
I, in return, got to hear how glamorous
Florida was.
Call, e-mail, text, chat, Facebook, write,
communicate with your girlfriend about
your day, your friends and your future.
I know a couple who were dating for
six months and saw each other as many
times as I can count on one hand. When I
saw them interact, though, it was as if they
had never left each others side. And they
still havent after two years.
If thats you and your girlfriend, never
leave her sideeven if you cant be there
physically.
Francesca: The distance may seem
daunting, but it seems like your relation-
ship has all the attributes needed to sur-
vive. Most people cant maintain a good
relationship of any kind for six years these
days. Perhaps I should be taking advice
from you!
Its important that you and your girl-
friend keep each other in the loop about
your lives and your new friends lives. This
way, youll ft right with each other when
you visit instead of feeling out of place.
When I tell my boyfriend stories, I always
make sure to say the name of the friend
and give him a reference pointYou
know, the one whose birthday was at El
Mezcalwhich helps him to keep my
friends straight.
Talking on the phone is obvious,
but underrated. Ive been busy travel-
ing across the country reporting for the
Kansan the past two weeks. However, I
talked to my boyfriend more during this
time and felt closer to him than when I
was at home. The distance worked to our
advantage because we set times to talk
several times a day, and we were able to
sustain unusually long conversations be-
cause we were leading different lives for
the frst time in years.
You should also purchase a Web cam if
one didnt come with your laptop. I have
a friend whose boyfriend is in Iraq, and
their Web cams saved their relationship
because they could still see each other.
Bitch and Moan should not be taken as a
substitute for professional, expert advice.
My girlfriend of six years is going to Rut-
gers University in New Jersey. Weve hung
out almost every day during the past six
years. We are going to stay together, but
how can we not grow apart when we dont
see each other very much?
Scott, freshman
with Matt Hirschfeld and
Francesca Chambers
and
Francesca: Are you looking for a one
night stand or a relationship? I am going to
assume you are looking for a relationship,
because the obvious places to fnd drunk,
horny women are Brothers and The Hawk.
As far as a relationship, I would suggest at-
tending house parties thrown by friends. Its
likely any girl you meet at said party is either
a friend of your friend, or a friend of a friend
of a friend. My point is that you will be able to
fnd out the dirt on your potential love inter-
est before you make a fool of yourself, waste
your time or get your heart broken.
Another place to meet classy women is
at work. According to a 2006 study, 18 per-
cent of people met their signifcant other at
work and 15 percent meet them at school.
Statistically speaking, you have a one in three
chance of meeting someone if you work on
campusyoure not going to fnd better odds
than that! There are clearly negatives to dating
a co-worker, but working together provides an
environment for you to win her over with your
stunning personality. Because, if you are asking
us for help, Im assuming your looks alone dont
have the women throwing themselves at your
feet as you walk down Jayhawk Boulevard.
Matt: This may be a rhetorical ques-
tion, but why are you in college? Contrary
to what your professors think you think , its
to go to class.
Class is an easy way to meet people while
in college. Yes, youre there to learn, but why
not have some fun, too? Youre probably tak-
ing four to six classes, which gives you the op-
portunity to speak to hundreds of women.
A way to show some interest in a potential
date is to start some casual class conversation.
Nonchalantly ask for a pen or pencil on oc-
casion and pretty soon, your future date will
be the one starting the class talk. A fne line
between creepy and casual is out there, but Ill
leave it to your discretion not to go too far.
Yes, alcohol does provide some social lubri-
cant, but if youre really interested in a person,
wouldnt you rather remember her name the
next morning and avoid the awkward name-
guessing game the next time you see her?
Ive met some of my best friends (no sig-
nifcant others, though) in class. It gives you
the opportunity to talk about your life with-
out revealing too much. Thats what your
frst date is for.
Send us your sex and relationship questions at bitchandmoan@kansan.com.
Where can I meet the
ladies?
Matt, transfer junior
CONTACT
6
September 4, 2008
?
five questions
Brandon Phillips
Singer and guitarist for the
Architects
Defnitely Scooby Doo and
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Both were pretty good, so
its a hard decision, but Id
say Heath Ledger. I believed
him more as the Joker.
A 1989 Buick Century.
I hope not in Lawrence.
Maybe being a lawyer.

I would run as fast as I
could. Maybe I could gouge
its eyes out.
My favorite cartoons
were always Looney Toons,
specifcally Foghorn Leghorn
and Daffy Duck.

I havent seen Ledgers
performance, so I
respectfully decline to submit
an answer at this time.
It was a 1989 Honda Accord.
I hope to be doing a lot
more fshing and to actually
have a savings account.
I would focus my attack
on the eyesas they are
an expressway to the
brainand would set my
inner-seamstress to work
designing a stylish bearskin
parka. Hopefully I would
also set aside the bottle of
Worcestershire sauce I keep
in my pocket for browning
bear meat over campfres.
Jill Aspleaf
Overland Park junior
What were your
favorite cartoons as
a kid?
Who made a better
Joker: Jack Nicholson
or Heath Ledger?
What was your frst
car?
Where do you see
yourself in 10 years?
What would you do
if you were attacked
by a bear?
By Carly Halvorson
Wedding bells werent the only thing
David and Kate Hauber heard when they
frst laid eyes on each other 36 years
ago.
Kate says she remembers the blazing
hot August weather as the clouds were
coming in and the tornado siren was
sounding across campus. Kate and David,
both freshmen at the time, stood on the
entrance steps of Ellsworth Hall to watch
for any imminent tornados. Hailing from
New Jersey, David had never witnessed
tornado weather before. This sparked
conversation between him and Kate, a
Kansas native, and less than a year later,
the two tied the knot.
Their son Michael now attends the
University, and, who knows, maybe the
next weather-related disaster Lawrence
experiences will help him strike up some
true love of his own.
Matt Hirschfeld
HOW WE MET
Contributed photos
Left: Kate and David shortly after their
wedding on May 17, 1973. Above: The
couple after Gov. Kathleen Sebelius ap-
pointed David 10th District Court Judge
in June.
PLAY
7
September 4, 2008
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Laurie Andersons
HOMELAND
Friday, Sept. 12
Ensemble Galilei with
NPRs Neal Conan
Saturday, Sept. 13
A conceptual sonic tapestry of
spoken word, music and technology
A journey of discovery with images
from the National Geographic archive
Lied Center of Kansas
Brianne Pfannenstiel
Out and about
Im just starting the Swim Club. I like swimming be-
cause its really low-impact, but its still a great workout.
Kellie Fagg, El Dorado freshman
Im in the marching band, so we march around a lot.
Im not really sure if that counts as exercise, though.
Matthew Schappaugh, Shawnee Mission freshman
When Im here, I like to do some running around
town. I run on campus by the stadium because I like to
do the hills.
Jos Gill, Overland Park senior
I like to go to the Rec Center and hit the treadmill. I
live close to the lake, so I ride my bike up to the lake and
back. I also like to take my roommates dog for a walk.
Kelly Simpson, Lenexa junior
I usually like to go running near my apartment. I get to
listen to my iPod and be alone. Its peaceful.
Beth Charlton, Kansas City, Mo., junior
I like to play tennis out by my house at the University
courts or the ones at 19th and Louisiana.
Jeremy Steeley, Tulsa, Okla., senior
I usually go to the Rec Center and do the elliptical
machines. I run down there to warm up, work out and
run back.
Amy Gairns, Leawood freshman
I like to walk on campus because I like the ambiance.
Its good to see people.
Ryadh Alkhareif, Saudi Arabia freshman
Whats your favorite way to
exercise in Lawrence?
Are those lame science jokes your
professor makes at 8 a.m. not exactly
tickling your funny bone? Then head to
the H&R Block City Stage at Union Sta-
tion, 30 W. Pershing Rd. in Kansas City,
Mo., for the KC Improv Festival to see
how comedy is really done.
The frst weekend of the festival
showcases national comedians like Satur-
day Night Live and 30 Rock star Jason Su-
deikis and 30 Rock writer Kay Cannon.
Tickets are $20 for the public and
$15 for students and groups of 10 or
more.
And if watching the show isnt
enough, for $50, improv enthusiasts can
work with the comedians and nationally
recognized teachers in Saturday work-
shops like Multiple Personalities and
Physical Comedy.
Local improv acts will take the stage
September 12 through 14.
Visit www.kcimprov.com for more in-
formation and to order your tickets.
Brianne Pfannenstiel
THIS WEEKEND:
The KC Improv Festival
Comedian and Overland Park native Jason
Sudeikis will be bringin the laughs at the KC
Improv Festival this weekend.
8
September 4, 2008
HEALTH
Its colorful, its endorsed by Kelly
Clarkson, 50 Cent and LeBron James, and
you cant walk down Jayhawk Boulevard
without seeing at least a few students sip-
ping from bottles of it.
Its Vitamin Water but its not as
healthy as its name suggests.
Sure, Vitamin Water has vitamins (most
of the 15 varieties are heavy on vitamins
B and C), but it also has nearly as much
sugar as soda does. Each 20-ounce bottle
contains 32.5 grams of crystalline fruc-
tose, which is the equivalent of about two
tablespoons of sugar. That sugar adds up
to 150 calories per bottle.
Most people dont need to drink the
extra calories in Vitamin Water, says Staci
Hendrickson, Healthy Balance, Inc. nutri-
tionist. If its a case of someone not liking
the taste of water, there are other op-
tions, like a slice of lemon or lime or some
Crystal Light that would have the same
taste without all of the added sugar.
As for the vitamins, Hendrickson says
most Americans dont need extra vitamin
B or C. In the case of a vitamin defciency,
she suggests supplementation by way of
multivitamin pills.
Vitamin Water might seem en vogue
and nutritious, but its empty calories
arent worth its minimal benefts.
VERDICT: BAD FOR YOU
Asher Fusco
vitamin water
holding in your sneeze
Im sure youve done it at least a cou-
ple times. Maybe you had to do it during
class or at a wedding. It may be polite, but
in the long run, holding in your sneezes
just might not be worth it.
When a person sneezes, he or she ex-
pels pollen, dust, bacteria and any other
allergens that have collected in the nose.
Patty Quinlan, registered nurse and
nursing supervisor at Watkins Memorial
Health Center, says when people sneeze,
debris fy out of their noses at about 100
feet per second. Thats a lot of pressure.
Quinlan says holding in that much pres-
sure could cause a blood vessel to rupture
in the eye, head, neck or chest regions.
This normally wouldnt happen to a
person in good health, but Quinlan says
another more common risk of holding in
a sneeze is that it pushes bacteria back
into the ear region, which can cause infec-
tion. In extreme cases, the eardrum could
even rupture.
Quinlan says the best way to sneeze
sanitarily is to let it out in your shirt col-
lar. She says to lift it over your nose and
that your shirt will contain the germs and
wont be in an area youll likely spread
them to others. If you prefer not to get
your clothing involved, try to sneeze into
the crease of your elbow. If all else fails
and you have to sneeze into your hands,
just make sure to wash them as soon as
possible.
So the next
time you feel that
little tickle com-
ing on, just go
ahead and
let it out.
VERDI CT:
BAD FOR
YOU
Realle
Roth
BIGGEST
IN LAWRENCE
PARTY
Friday @ 9
18 to dance
21 to drink
841-5855 ABEJAKES.COM
exp. 08/24/08
$3
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BACARDIS
JAGER
BOMBS
HEALTH
9
September 4, 2008 Illustration by Catherine Coquillette
By Asher Fusco
afusco@kansan.com
Spencer Evans takes a bite of his cheeseburg-
er, chews, swallows and offers a slight smile.
I want to stay healthy, Evans says. But usu-
ally I dont.
The Overland Park junior, a transfer student
in his frst semester at the University, doesnt
care about how much fat each french fry carries
or how many calories are hidden in his soda
and he isnt alone. Unhealthy weight gain during
the frst year of college is a common phenom-
enon. Many students arrive on campus worry-
free, only to fnd themselves packing on pounds
as the semester rolls along.
Making the adjustment
Britney Williams-Bey helped her Kansas
City-Piper high school track squad to a third-
place fnish in the 4-by-400 meter relay at last
springs state championship meet. Now a KU
freshman, Williams-Bey doesnt run track. She
lives on campus in GSP Hall, where she says the
food is different than it was at home.
Like Williams-Bey, many students participate
in sports in high school but quit after graduation.
Losing the running that comes along with track
or basketball practice might not seem like such
a bad thing to some, but reducing exercise can
cause students to consume more calories than
they burn each day. That caloric surplus, added
to the fact that students age 18 to 22 can expe-
rience a slowed metabolism that comes along
with adulthood, leads to weight gain.
According to a 2003 Cornell University
study, college freshmen gain weight at 11 times
the expected rate of an average 18 year old.
Some people come to school when theyre
18 or 19 and theyve pretty much reached their
full growth potential, says Amber Long, KU Rec-
reation Services ftness coordinator. Before, we
could take in all these calories when our bodies
were growing and changing. Now, our bodies are
starting to plateau off and we dont need as many
calories or we need to up our physical activity.
Adding up the pounds
Jimmy Lemos T-shirt isnt tight around his
midriff or tearing at the seams. The Shawnee
sophomore says he hasnt changed much since
becoming a college student one year ago. His
alcohol intake has increased since high school,
but he makes an effort to stay ft. Lemos slowly
eats his way through a wrap from Brellas as he
details his workout routine: Running and some
weightlifting.
According to a 2006 study at the University
of Guelph, a Canadian school, college freshmen
usually gain about fve to seven pounds in their
frst year away from home. The feared Freshman
15 might actually be more like the Freshman 5,
but KU Student Health Services dietitian Ann
Chapman says most students shouldnt stand
for any college-induced weight gain.
If you come to the University at a healthy
weight, even putting on fve to seven is not a
good idea, Chapman says. Another way to
think about it is if you gain fve to seven each
year, thats 25 pounds in four years. I have stu-
dents who make appointments as juniors, se-
niors or graduate students who have steadily
gained weight during their tenure at school.
Solving the problem
Riley Hampton grimaces at the mention of
the Freshman 15. As she leaves the Stu-
dent Recreation Fitness Center follow-
ing a mid-morning elliptical machine
workout, the Wichita freshman says
she doesnt think staying in shape at KU
will be a problem.
I actually havent eaten as much
since Ive moved here,
Hampton says. Theres
too much going on.
With classes, jobs
and social appoint-
ments to tend to,
students often fnd
meals in places Chap-
man says they shouldnt:
on-campus fast food es-
tablishments such as Pizza Hut
or Chick-Fil-A. Long says external
stressors can lead to comfort foods or
unhealthy behaviors such as smoking or
excessive drinking.
In high school, we had to go to
gym class. We had that to relieve
stress, Long says. Now, if we dont
make that conscious effort, stress starts
to pile up.
There are several on-campus outlets
for students facing stress or who have
questions concerning nutrition and ftness.
The Student Recreation Fitness Center of-
fers KU Fit, a program that includes more
than 40 group ftness classes each week,
ranging from kickboxing to yoga. Chapman
meets with students by appointment at Wat-
kins Memorial Health Center to discuss eat-
ing habits and nutrition.
Adventures in on-campus ftness
Going to college doesnt have to mean gaining weight
Keeping fit on-the-go
Nutrition and exercise advice from dietitian Ann
Chapman and ftness coordinator Amber Long.
Instead of heading for the vending machine for
a Coke or some candy, try these quick and easy
snacks:
Light yogurt (100 calories, 0g fat)
14 walnut halves (190 calories, 18g fat)
1 serving Frosted Mini-Wheats cereal (200
calories, 1g fat)
cup dried apricots (150 calories, 0g fat)
Peanut butter and banana sandwich (330 calories,
17g fat)
V8 vegetable juice (70 calories, 0g fat)
Substitute these healthy alternatives for some
unhealthy on-campus foods:
Frosted Mini-Wheats cereal (200 calories, 1g fat)
instead of Nacho Cheese Doritos (250 calories,
13g fat)
Peanut butter and banana sandwich (330 calories,
17g fat) instead of Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich
and fries (760 calories, 33g fat)
Special K Protein Meal Bar (190 calories, 5g fat)
instead of Snickers Bar (266 calories, 11g fat)
Head to the Rec
In addition to free options such as basketball,
cardio, resistance training and racquetball, KU Rec-
reation Services also offers group ftness classes.
New classes for fall 2008 include Turbo Kick, BOSU
n Glide, Friday Free for All, and Step n Strength.
Ditch the car! Walk to class
Its a great thing to be able to walk to and from
campus, Long says. Its an extra mile in your day,
and its a lot more physical activity.
Eat better. Better Bites,
that is
Items at on-campus dining halls and retail
locations marked with a green Better
Bites symbol are healthier alterna-
tives endorsed by the American
Heart Association. They typically
contain less fat and fewer calories
than other dishes.
TIPS TO TIP THE SCALE IN YOUR FAVOR
HEALTH
10
September 4, 2008
Photo by Bryan Dykman
Cows graze on Joanne Prestons ranch in Len-
exa. The adoption of a grass-fed beef produc-
tion system would dramatically increase the
amount of land needed to raise beef.
By Lauren Keith
lkeith@kansan.com
No. 68 isnt lazy, but she hasnt done
much today but eat. Grass stems hang from
her slowly-chewing mouth, and she seems
irritated that the humans have disturbed her
in the middle of her all-you-can-eat special.
As the sun sets on her prairie buffet
in Lenexa, this black Angus cows time on
the open land may be drawing to a close.
Joanne Preston, the owner of No. 68 and
74 other cattle, takes some of her cattle to
auction, where they are purchased and sent
to a feedlot. So far, the cattle have munched
mostly on grass for the majority of their
lives, but once they hit the feedlot gates,
their diet will be switched to a steady rou-
tine of corn.
Preston says she feeds her cattle grain in
the winter to help them survive the cold, but
the feedlots high doses of grain these cattle
may soon receive is unnaturalunnatural
by nature, but necessary for Americans de-
mand for a 24/7 supply of beef.
Most cattle start as grass-fed, even if they
end up as grain-fed.
The grain gives the cattle the extra en-
ergy they need in the winter, Joanne Pres-
ton says. But they get good grass all through
the summer.
Economics have ensured a steady sup-
ply of grain-fed beef in the United States
through corn subsidies and a seemingly insa-
tiable appetite for hamburgers, even though
grain prices have increased. However, some
farmers have seen the beneftbut unfor-
tunately, usually not monetarilyof keeping
cattle grass-fed their entire lives.
Thanks to federal corn subsidies, the
price of corn is about 75 cents less than the
cost to grow it. Michael Pollan, author of
The Omnivores Dilemma, writes that because
of this, the U.S. Department of Agriculture
helps farmers easily dispose of their surplus
corn by having animals convert as much of it
as possible into protein for people to eat.
Grass-fed calves usually dont need anti-
biotics, but after switching to a diet of corn,
Pollan says they become prone to sickness.
The shift to a hot ration of grain can
so disturb the cows digestive process that
it can kill the animal if not managed care-
fully and accompanied by antibiotics, Pollan
writes in his article Power Steer.
But as the demand for beef increased
after World War II, the then-fedgling beef
industry found a powerful tool in corn.
Compared with grass or hay, corn is a
compact and portable foodstuff, making it
possible to feed tens of thousands of ani-
mals on small plots of land, Pollan writes.
Without cheap corn, the modern urbaniza-
tion of livestock would probably never have
occurred.
And neither would have McDonalds.
Farmers would optimize grass produc-
tion to sell cattle at the end of the fall, says
Larry Hollis, a specialist in cattle health at
Kansas State University. That used to be
the way it was sold in the olden days, but
thats not how McDonalds operates. They
sell hamburgers 365 days a year.
Local farmer Joyce Williams raises grass-
fed cattle, but, at frst, not because she saw
the potential negative effects of feeding
cattle grain.
We have never fed them grain because
we never realized that they needed it, Wil-
liams says. The cattle looked healthy and
tasted good, so why did they need grain?
Williams, co-owner of MJ Ranch in Law-
rence, says the business has never made a
lot of money from its grass-fed beef.
The market is all about dollar signs,
Williams says. But its not the right thing to
do for the animals.
However, market demands have changed
in recent years, and more consumers look
for grass-fed beef.
Williams says the ranch has had a lot of
visitors recently.
People come to us and see that what
were doing is what we say we are doing,
she says.
MJ Ranch has already sold out of its
grass-fed beef for the year, the frst time this
has happened so early in the season.
Hollis estimates that about 5 percent of
cattle consumed in the United States are en-
tirely grass-fed, but says this niche market is
developing.
However, for some farmers, the cost of
having more land for grass-fed cattle is far
more expensive than spending more money
on pricier feed.
You have to own a lot of grass or buy
a lot of feed, Hollis says. Feed cost is ex-
tremely high, and it has affected the price
of owning grazing land. This is driving up
the price of grass-fed cattle because we are
growing less corn.
In the end, it boils down to an economic
showdown. But the consumer seems to
gradually be accepting a cow like No. 68,
one that is slower grown but more naturally
raised.
Challenging the ca h cow
Though healthier for cow and human, the switch to grass-fed beef
is a painful lesson in economics
$
A study by Cornell University found
that grass-fed animals have about 300
times less E. coli than their grain-fed
counterparts.
Feedlot cattle are typically fed corn,
soy and other types of feed that can
include by-product feedstuff.
Corn is a high-energy food that
decreased the time needed to fatten
cattle for beef production.
A proposal to end the use of cow
blood, restaurant scraps and poultry
fecal matter as feed for cattle has yet
to be implemented.
U.S. regulations only partially pro-
hibit animal by-products in cattle feed,
but by-products from cattle can still
be legally fed to pets or other live-
stock.
Grass-fed facts
11
September 4, 2008
NOTICE
TOMOrrOws news
A2B Light Electric Vehicle
wesCOe wIT
Guy 1: That girl was wearing the same
shorts yesterday.
Guy 2: How do you know that?
Guy 1: Because I was checking out her
ass yesterday, too.
Guy: You guys are so social, putting on
your headphones.
Girl: I can listen to music and talk at the
same time.
Guy: You cant even chew gum and talk
at the same time.
Guy: What is that girl wearing?
Girl: I think shes going for Pocahontas-
chic.
Guy: I have class in 30 minutes. It sucks.
But after that, I get to go home and
smoke weed all day.
Guy 1: (leaving a group of friends) Well,
I have to go take a shit.
Guy 2: Alright, later.
White Owl: (to guy in maroon shorts)
Who do you cheer for, OU or KU?
Guy: OU, baby!
White Owl: OU? Oh, you ho!
Guy: Dude, I gotta fnd somewhere to
throw up at.
Girl 1: Where are you tailgating on
Saturday?
Girl 2: Everywhere.
Guy: Two praying mantis are mating
outside the window.
Girl: Ew!
Guy: And the guys about to get his
head ripped off!
Girl: (to friend) Yeah, I just got this
phone. I dont understand why the alarm
clock is in the fun applications section.
Guy: I just watched a really hot girl pick
her wedgie.
Guy: (to random group of people)
Heyyeah, umIm supposed to invite
everyone I see to a trampoline party
tonight. Its at Sasha Kauns old apartment
complex.
Guy: (proudly) I have a Jamaican accent
when I drink.
Girl: Okay.
Sean Rosner
So youre sick of sky-high gas prices,
and youve decided to make some chang-
es in your life. This year, instead of driving
to school, youre going to ride a bicycle. It
costs nothing to ride, and you even get a
bit of exercise in the process.
But, on your frst trip to class, you
encounter a few complications: Theyre
called hills, and our campus just happens
to be perched on top of a giant one. You
get to class panting and sweaty, and all of a
sudden that bicycle doesnt seem like such
a great idea.
Lucky for you, the people at Ultra Mo-
tor have people like you in mind. Starting
in August, the company began distribut-
ing the A2B, a bicycle equipped with a
rechargeable electric motor. Even if you
dont feel like pedaling, the A2B can carry
its riders 20 miles at a cruising speed of
20 mph.
Amy Robinson, vice president of mar-
keting at Ultra Motor, says the company
developed the A2B because it saw a need
for a commuter bicycle that didnt require
a license like most mopeds and scooters
do.
The convenience doesnt come with-
out a price, though. The A2B will set you
back $2,599, though Ultra Motor says its
still cheaper than using fossil fuel to get
around. You can fnd the A2B at Cycle
Works, 2121 Kasold Drive. For more in-
formation on the A2B, check out Ultra
Motors Web site, www.ultramotor.com.
Sean Rosner
12 September 4, 2008 13 September 4, 2008
FEATURE
the object to masturbate with. He also reported a
man who came in with discomfort. After an X-ray,
the doctor found a 14-inch cucumber in his rectum.
The man stuck by his story, however, saying that he
had slipped and fell while unloading groceries.
Another hazard of masturbation is more of a
psychological problem. Studies have shown that
masturbating too often and fantasizing about a
certain person while you masturbateespecially
someone in your day-to-day lifecan lead to
obsession and sometimes depression.
Myth #3: Men Masturbate Much More
Than Women
Recent studies do prove that men masturbate
more than women, but men dont do it A LOT more
than women.
Sex researcher Alfred Kinsey did a decade of
research that would begin breaking down many of
societys misconceptions. The idea in the 1940s and
1950s was that women didnt masturbate, except
those who were whores and non-Christians. When
Kinseys study came out and showed that 62 percent
of women admitted to masturbating, many people
were outraged.
The margin has narrowed. In 1993, study group
Janus and Janus found that 95 percent of men and 89
percent of women said they masturbate.
I lose a lot of respect for girls who say they
dont ever masturbate, says Reba, a young woman
who asked that her full name be kept private. Its
cool for guys to joke about it and talk about all
the dirty details, but when women talk about it,
its weird.


The Medical Benefits
In the past century, doctors have been studying
the possible positive effects of masturbation.
Researchers Staats and Hekmat tested the
effects of masturbation on general pain. They had
several students place their hands in ice water but
asked half of them to have sexual fantasies they
might have during masturbation. The study showed
that the students who were fantasizing could keep
their hands in the ice water much longer than the
other students.
Performance artist Bob Flanagan, who suffers
from cystic fbrosis, says hed suffered his whole life
from the disease until he discovered that he felt
relieved from his pain when he masturbated and for
several hours after.
Other test subjects for the researchers Couch
and Bearss found that masturbation helped their
headaches subside. The research was done mainly
with women: Nearly half of the women who
masturbated while they had a headache said it
was gone after they fnished. Others said it at least
alleviated the ache.
Martha Cornog, author of The Big Book of
Masturbation, says she hopes high schools and
universities become more willing to talk about the
subject, as she says it opens up conversation about
the dangerous aspects of sex, and also gets people
to own their sexuality earlier in life.
Most importantly, however, it starts to move this
subject out of the realm of taboo.
Once we do that, Cornog says, We wont
be looked at like rapists, weirdos and oversexed
demons when we bring it up.
Myths, misconceptions and a bit of
the history of masturbation
By Kyle Gray
editor@kansan.com
Its taken nearly a year to complete this article. Half
of course, is due to the standard procrastination you
could expect from a staff writer for a college magazine.
The other half is purely because of the subject matter.
The more I delved into the topic, the fewer people I
could fnd who would talk to me about it. Professionals
as well as students reacted in one of two ways: blush,
giggle and decline, or sneer, scoff and reprimand me
for asking such personal questions.
Still, I felt the benefts of getting the facts
out about this supposedly dirty deed greatly
outweighed the embarrassment of talking
about it. There are so many myths,
misconceptions and medical marvels
related to masturbation that it felt sillier
not to talk about it.
Myth #1: Masturbation is a
new taboo
Masturbation has existed
as long as man himself.
The Egyptians believed
that the gods Ra and
Ptah created the world
through masturbation
and accredited
the fooding of the
Nile every year to
the gods annual
masturbation.
The negative
views toward those
who masturbate
also seem to have
existed just as
long as the
act itself.
While
Egyptians attributed the forming of their lands to their
gods masturbating, the Egyptian Book of the Dead
included masturbation on a list of acts man should avoid
in order to live a longer life. Other acts that made the
list included stealing food, having sex with a married
woman, fornication and eavesdropping.
Ancient Greeks and Romans were more accepting of
the act, but also saw it as the inferior form of fornication
and made a joke of it in their literature and in everyday
society. The fourth-century cynic Diogenes would
masturbate in public, claiming that it was simply the
natural consequence of an erection.
Early Judeo-Christian belief held that the act of
masturbation made man unclean, but masturbation
was excusable if you cleaned yourself afterward. The
centuries surrounding the birth of Jesus, however,
wrought many schools of thought that would begin the
negative view of any sexual act for any purpose other
than procreation.
On top of this, the Greek Hippocrates and Roman
Galen began to associate excessive sexual activity with
medical problems. They marked masturbation as an
activity that led to aging, venereal disease and insanity.
They also believed that the testosterone that changed
boy to man was the semen itself, and they therefore
discouraged boys from masturbating by saying it would
bar them from becoming men.
Myth #2:Will I Go Blind?
Most masturbation myths center on the hazards of
masturbation. If I masturbate too much Ill go blind, get
hairy palms, become depressed, sterile, mess something
up or begin to lose my sex drive.
Chronic masturbators, rest easy: None of these is
true.
The only biological problems caused by masturbation
are chafng, irritation and physiological strain.
When looking at the hazards of masturbation, the
question should be How? rather than How much?
The problem that has sent most people to the hospital
is what they insert inside them, or what men insert their
penises into.
I spoke to one doctor who told me the story of
a woman who had reported problems of odor and
discoloration. After an examination, a large chunk of
summer sausage was found in the upper area of her
vagina, lodged a whole two weeks after she had used
A Hands-On Taboo
The late Carlin once said, If God had in-
tended us not to masturbate, He wouldve
made our arms shorter. Heres a sampling
of Carlin-created slang for doing the nasty
with yourself.
Buff the banana
Bop the baloney
Butter the corn
Clean your rife
Crown the king
Fist your mister
Five against one
Gallop the antelope
Flute solo
Fondle the fg
Jackhammer
Jazz yourself
Manipulate the mango
Manual override
One man show
Paint the pickle
Pull your taffy
Pump the python
Ride the Great White
Shine your pole
Sling the jelly
Stroke your poker
Tenderize the meat
The fve-knuckle shuffe
Tweak your twinkie
Wax the carrot
Wonk your conker
Wrestle the eel
Masturbation slang from comedian
George Carlin
Egyptians believed the gods
Ra and Ptah created the
world with their masturbation.
NOTICE
14
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Catch me if you can
Students tell
what motivates
them to shoplift
By Rebekah Scaperlanda
rscaperlanda@kansan.com
On an average day at the mall, Alison browses through
jewelry at Dillards with her friends. She casually tries on
necklaces and bracelets, and then she spots them: the
perfect pair of earrings. Without hesitation, Alison lowers
the earrings into her purse. She takes the earrings off the
plastic holder one at a time and lets them fall into her
purse. All the while she is cool, calm and still chatting with
her friends.
Nothing happens. No employee comes to reprimand
her, no mall rent-a-cop races to handcuff her, and she pro-
ceeds to do the same with another pair of earrings, this
time encouraging a friend to try it, too.
Does this story sound familiar? According to the
National Association for Shoplifting Prevention (NASP),
more than $35 million worth of goods are stolen from
retailers in America every day. This adds up to more than
$13 billion worth of goods each year.
So whats behind the desire to shoplift?
I shoplifted a lot in high school. It was just the thing to
do, says Alison, senior. No one I know ever got caught.
I still do it sometimes just for fun. Or maybe Im out of
money for the month. But mostly its just a rush seeing if
you can get away with it.
The reasons behind shoplifting vary. Peer pressure,
boredom and being unable to afford the item are com-
mon excuses. Peter Berlin, NASP founder, says shoplifting
is just another way people cope with stressful life circum-
stances. He says its similar to overeating, drugs, drinking
and gambling.
Its a really cheap way to get a pick-me-up, Alison
says. Im not sure why, but I feel such a sensation when I
walk out of the store and take a look at all my new, free
goodsa nice present to myself to make the day a little
brighter.
Alison may not know why she needs this pick-me-up,
but a study in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry tried to
answer that question. The study found depression to be
a common psychiatric disorder associated with shoplift-
ing. The article says a person may continue to shoplift in
response to a fulfllment of a psychological need.
Shoplifting also allows a person to get this rush with-
out risking a lot. ADT Security Services says the No. 1
reason for shoplifting is that it is easy and theres little or
no risk involved. NASP statistics say shoplifters are caught
an average of once every 48 times they steal, and are then
turned over to the police only 50 percent of the time.
Another reason why people shoplift is the get some-
thing for nothing mentality. Others convince themselves
they are outsmarting big corporations and getting a dis-
count they deserve.
I would never take anything from an individual or even
a local shop, says Matt, 2007 graduate, who, however, says
he had no problem taking things from the store where he
worked. The stealing was widespread. Everybody did it
for ourselves and we all gave our friends the hookup.
The U.S. Department of Justice reports that employee
theft is increasing 15 percent every year. Employees have
easier access to goods and often are not closely moni-
tored. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce found that up to
75 percent of all employees steal at least once, though
some, like Matt, come to regret the decision to shoplift.
I was simply making excuses for why it was okay: Its
a large corporation, I make a shitty salary, everybody does
it, Matt says. I did it so casually that I simply started to
blur the line of what was right. I just wasnt thinking cor-
rectly.
While Matt discovered his disdain for shoplifting only
after trying it out, others have an innate disapproval of
stealing.
Adria Jerkovich, 2008 graduate, says even when she
is given more change than shes supposed to receive, she
always gives the extra money back. She says some of her
friends think its stupid to give the money back because
its the clerks fault for messing up, but Jerkovich says
she could never live with her own guilt if she took the
money.
I think its completely immoral, no matter your rea-
soning, Jerkovich says. Nothing can make it okay to take
something that doesnt belong to you.
Photo illustration by Michelle Sprehe
The motivation behind shoplifting can be more than simply a desire to get stuff
for free. Shoplifting, for some, is a means of dealing with stressful circumstances.
15
September 4, 2008
NOTICE
Question
Answer
&
with Matt Taylor of Motion City Soundtrack
Motion City Soundtrack just com-
pleted a three-week stint on the Warped
Tour. The bands 2007 album Even If It Kills
Me debuted at No. 16 on the Billboard
Top 200, and No.1 on the Billboard Top
Independent Albums chart. Motion City
Soundtrack is playing at Liberty Hall on
September 19. Tickets are on sale at www.
ticketmaster.com and at the Liberty Hall
box offce. Bassist and backing vocalist
Matt Taylor took a break from life on the
road to chat with Jayplay.
Q: You guys just completed the Warped
Tour. Any crazy stories from the road?
A: I've always been really bad with that
question. You'd think being on tour most of
the year, every year, for the last six years,
that you'd have some pretty cool stories.
I think we must just be the most boring
band on the planet, and that's why we
don't have any stories. We don't really let
loose, you know?
Q: You've toured Japan, the UK, Austra-
lia and most of Europe. Any places that
you'd recommend?
A: Japan is actually mind-blowing. It's
almost overwhelming to the senses when
you go there. You've got every differ-
ent type of terrain in one small country.
Mountains, oceans, volcanoes, and the cit-
ies are amazingvery colorful, very busy.
Q: You've toured with a lot of different
bands. Any favorite moments or bands that
really inspired you?
A: There's a Japanese band called
Oreskaband we met on Warped Tour.
They're this six-piece, all-girl Japanese ska
band, and they were so cool and just so
much fun to watch. You've never really
seen a band that excited to be on stage
before. We ended up asking them to play a
song with us whenever they could.
Q:What's next for you guys?
A: We're going to hit the road for an-
other month, September through October.
Q:Which is when you'll be in Lawrence?
A: Yep, exactly. And then after that tour,
on October 4 after that last show, we're
going to come home and take some time
apart and maybe work on some ideas
alone. Then we're going to get together
in November for a few weeks and start
piecing new ideas together. We want to be
recording early next year. We haven't lined
anything up producer-wise or studio-wise,
but we're defnitely at that point where
we're ready to get rolling.
Q: So when you're writing, you mostly
come up with ideas on your own and then
come together?
A: In the past, we've always gotten
together. But now that we're all forced to
be apart, everyone at least has a computer.
We all use Apple, so at least we have
GarageBand and things like that to capture
ideas. I'm just recording little snippets of
stuff here and there, random stuff that I
can bring to them and see if they like. Each
one of us coming up with ideas to bring to
the table.
Q: Did you go to college?
A: I went to Longwood University in
Farmville, Va., for two years to study music.
And I ended up dropping out to play music
in a band.
Q: Any tales of college debauchery?
A: Again, no. (laughs) I was so busy. I was
the only bass player on campus, so I was
literally in every band that needed a bass
player, every ensemble, every this and that.
And I also played trumpet and tuba, so I
had all the concert bands. So my days were
jam-packed. Then on the weekends I'd have
to go play somewhere with a band. I pretty
much stuck to the music. I didn't drink in
college, didn't do the wild college thing. I
just stayed on the straight and narrow and
tried to get good gradesthen I dropped
out. But no regrets.
Q: Any advice you'd give to college
students with musical aspirations?
A: I was just always told to follow my
dreams. My parents were very supportive
with the whole music thing. First going
to college, and then when I said I wanted
to drop out, they said they were totally
behind me, just as long as I was chasing
what I wanted to do. I think we've learned
so much with this band, too. We kind of
had to go broke a little bit. Quit your job,
or at least fnd a job where they're cool
with your coming and going. You've just got
to take a chance, and if it doesn't work, it
doesn't work. I hated the thought of going
down the road and then when I'm 40,
thinking back and saying 'I wish I'd done
that.
Q: This is the segment of our interview
in which I ask questions like, do you have
any favorite TV shows?
A: Yes! Lost, 30 Rock, The Offceboth
British and American versions. Arrested
Development, Six Feet Under.
Q: Any movies that blew you away
recently?
A: The last one I saw was Dark Knight,
and yes, it blew me away. I haven't seen
Pineapple Express or Tropic Thunder yet. I'm
actually looking forward to those.
Q: What's the best album you've bought
recently?
A: The Zombies, Odyssey and Oraclea
band I completely missed from the Sixties.
Q: Favorite books?
A: I'm reading Middlesex by Jeffrey
Euginides. I'm not through it yet, but it's
going well.
Q: Do you have an all-time favorite bass
player or players?
A: I'm a huge Radiohead fan, and Tommy
Greenwood is one of the frst bass players
I started to notice as a kid growing up.
Bass players didn't really stick out to me
all that much, and then listening to OK
Computer right at the beginning with that
sporadic bass linethat's when I realized
that bass players can do cool things and re-
ally affect a song.
Matt Bechtold
Contributed photo
Motion City Soundtrack, from left: Tony Thaxton, Jesse
Johnson, Matt Taylor, Justin Pierre and Josh Cain.
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16
September 4, 2008
NOTICE
Photo by Ryan Waggoner
Jan Shumway, left, and Mary Ann Strong read newspapers once a week for broadcast on the Kansas Audio-Reader Network. Both women have been Audio-Reader volunteers for 25 years.
By Casey Miles
editor@kansan.com
In an old building on the outskirts of
campus, two women meet every Friday af-
ternoon. The small upstairs room they use
is sparsely furnished and decorated. A large
round table with a blue top dominates the
space, accompanied by two chairs.
Armed with only red pens and a stack of
newspapers, the women begin working 30
minutes early. They skim through newspa-
pers, marking away, the shuffing of the news-
print interrupted by an occasional chuckle.
Eyes begin to fick toward the clock as
the time closes in on 2 p.m. Water cups are
flled, lozenges are unwrapped. The hour
strikes, and their program begins with Car-
ole Smiths voice.
Good afternoon, and welcome to
Newspapers of Central and Western Kan-
sas. Today, Nancy Colyer and I will be read-
ing
Volunteers at Audio-Reader offer a
Enriching Lives Through Sound
The Kansas Audio-Reader Network gives blind and visually
impaired Kansans access to the world of print media
17
September 4, 2008
NOTICE
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Prevent
unique service to blind and visually-
impaired Kansas residents. The Audio-
Reader Network broadcasts readings of
books, magazines and newspapers across
the state. After going through a short au-
dition, volunteers are assigned a weekly
reading. Carole Smith and Nancy Colyer
both read Newspapers from Central and
Western Kansas every Friday at 2 p.m.
Audio-Reader is run out of the east
wing of the Kansas Public Radio building
on the University of Kansas campus. It will
enter its 37th year of operation on Octo-
ber 7the second oldest program of its
kind in the United States. It serves about
6,000 residents of Kansas and Western
Missouri. The service depends heavily on
volunteers, who do the majority of read-
ing for the station.
Jennifer Nigro, volunteer coordina-
tor, says about 350 volunteers contribute
their time to Audio-Reader. Most of the
volunteers come from the Lawrence area,
and several drive in every week from To-
peka or the Kansas
City area. Some
volunteers are
even able to
read from their
homes.
When vol-
unteers start
working at the
station, they frst
go through an
orientation and
are required to
take a 100-word
pronunciation test and record a section
of reading from some of Audio-Readers
materials.
In addition to reading national and lo-
cal newspapers, the station offers a wide
selection of books and magazines. Nigro
says volunteers and the programming
manager collaborate to determine what
will be read on the air.
There are a wide variety of magazines
read, covering subjects from cooking to
politics to pornography. Books are di-
verse as well, and many are read by special
request of the listeners.
Nigro says most volunteers read
books in one-hour segments, and that
many volunteers can get through approx-
imately 30 pages in an hour. Large books,
however, take much longer to read. A
volunteer reading Nixon and Kissinger:
Partners in Power by Robert Dallek, which
is about 700 pages, will need more than
a year to read the book from cover to
cover.
Most of the books the volunteers read
have been published within the last two
years. Our mission is to keep people cur-
rent, Nigro says.
Newspapers of Central and West-
ern Kansas includes newspapers as
large as the Emporia Gazette and those
as small as the Clay Center Dispatch.
When Smith and Colyer arrive each
week, they start by looking through the
papers they are going to read and mark-
ing which stories they want to broad-
cast. They evenly split up the two-hour
block between newspapers, and each
newspaper typically gets 10 to 15 min-
utes of time.
When selecting stories to read, Smith
and Colyer say they are most concerned
with making sure the stories keep a local
focus. They will read stories about whats
happening in a town, but they avoid na-
tional stories unless they have some local
connection. Sometimes they try to de-
scribe pictures if they think it might help
tell a story or think it might be important
to the listeners.
Smith and Colyer also say they try not
to editorialize, and they do their best to
avoid hot-button topics unless they have
a local focus. If they
do read something
from the opinion
page or something
with a bias, they
try to balance it
out by reading an
opposing opinion.
They read the sto-
ries just as they are
written, without
any additions or
omissions on their
part.
Both women say they like their pro-
gram because they learn a lot about Kan-
sas through the newspapers they read,
and because Audio-Reader is very impor-
tant to the people it serves.
Smith once had the opportunity to
meet one of the listeners, a woman
who had just gotten married and had
requested that some of the volunteers
read a cookbook she had bought. She
wanted to know how to cook, Smith
says, and Audio-Reader helped make
that happen.
You just dont think about things
like thatabout how much that can af-
fect someones everyday life, Smith says.
When I read, I try and think about who
is listening and how important it might be
to them.
Colyer says Audio-Reader is useful
because of the diverse set of programs
it offers, from readings of grocery ads to
national newspapers to technology maga-
zines.
Its a comprehensive set of services.
Not a whole lot of people use it, but for
those who do, its very important, Co-
lyer says. Its their eyes and ears on the
world.
When I read, I try
and think about who
is listening and how
important it might be
to them.
Carole Smith,
Audio-Reader volunteer
MANUAL
18
September 4, 2008
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In the Jayhawker only
Its hot out and the only thing on your
mind after class is hopping in your air-
conditioned car and going home.
Theres one problem, though: Your car
wont start because the battery died.
Damn. Now what?
Store manager Will Fritzler and sales
representative Jason Nguyen from Auto-
Zone, 2714 Iowa St., explain what you
need to do when your battery dies.
Put protective eyewear and gloves
on if you have them, and absolutely dont
smoke while you do this.
Begin by examining the battery. Is it
frozen, cracked, leaking or does it have
a rotten egg odor? If yes, dont jump the
battery because it could explode. Your
best bet is to have your ride towed. If the
rotten egg smell disappears, then you can
try to jump the battery later.
Youll need two things to jump-start
your battery: a running car and a jump-
er cable. Locate a car that has the same
battery voltage as yours. Twelve volts is
standard in almost all vehicles. Dont try
to jump a hybrid car or use a hybrid as a
jumper, because it has two batteries and it
wont work.
Park the cars close to each other, but
make sure the cars dont touch. Turn both
cars off.
The jumper cable has two clamps on
each end, one positive and one negative.
Begin by connecting the positive clamp to
the dead battery then the positive clamp to
the good battery. Next, connect the nega-
tive clamp to the dead battery followed by
the negative clamp to the good battery.
Turn on the jumper car and give it a
small amount of gas while in park or in neu-
tral. This spins the alternator and charges
the battery. The charge from the good bat-
tery helps to charge the bad battery.
Next, try starting the dead car and
give it some gas. Give up if the car doesnt
start within fve minutes of jumping it. If
the car does start, dont turn it off.
Remove the clamps beginning with the
negative on the good battery, then the
negative on the bad battery. Then, remove
the positive clamp from the good battery,
then the positive from the bad battery.
Drive the car around for awhile, pref-
erably on the highway because this makes
the alternator spin faster and longer, fur-
ther charging the battery.
Even if your jump-start is successful,
Nguyen recommends getting your bat-
tery tested ASAP. You can do this for free
at AutoZone, or if your battery is com-
pletely shot, you can buy a new one at
AutoZone and an employee will install it
for free.
Heather Melanson
Do-it-yourself
Jump-start a dead car battery
Don Cheadle is not many peoples frst
choice to star in a movie about espionage
and terrorism. Likewise, he is nowhere
near the top of the list of actors most
people would see building bombs and mix-
ing himself up in frefghts. But, maybe he
should be.
Traitor, staring Cheadlebest known
for his dramatic turns in Hotel Rwanda and
Boogie NightsGuy Pearce, and Sad Tagh-
maoui, is a capable thriller driven by stellar
performances and above average cinema-
tography.
Cheadle plays Samir Horn, an ex-U.S.
Army sergeant turned Muslim bomb-
maker who gets mixed up with a top-level
terrorist Omar, played by Sad Taghmaoui.
Omar takes Horn under his wing and soon
involves him in building and executing the
bombing of an American embassy. When
Horn is discovered by FBI agent Roy Clay-
ton, played by the always-solid Guy Pearce,
a cat-and-mouse game ensues with many
twists and turns, some more predictable
than others.
The movies sometimes predictable
plot and clich dialogue are overshadowed
by the chemistry between Cheadle and
Pearce, who is no stranger to high-tension
thrillers, having stared in both Memento
and L.A. Confdential. Surprisingly, Cheadle
holds his own during the action sequences
and dramatic getaways. But, then again, he
was nominated for an Academy Award for
his role in 2004s Crash.
Overall, Traitor is an exciting thriller
that poses tough questions about morality,
faith and duty, and Cheadles performance
is defnitely worth the price of admission.
Mark Arehart
19
September 4, 2008
REVIEWS
MOVIE REVIEW: Traitor
MOVIE REVIEW: The House Bunny
The House Bunny, written by the same
duo who brought you Legally Blonde and
10 Things I Hate About You, focuses on a
rejected Playboy Bunny who is forced
to fnd her way into the real worldthe
world of sororities and fraternities, that
is. With her odd mix of metaphorical
wisdom and her sometimes disturbing
memorization skills, Anna Faris brings to
the screen what no other comedy actress
can: pure blonde talent.
Among the girls she befriends, and be-
comes house mother to in order to save
their chapter of Zeta Alpha Zeta are Kat
Dennings, Katherine McPhee, and Demi
Moore and Bruce Willis own Rumer Wil-
lis. Also starring are Colin Hanks as the
smart boyfriend, and Superbads Emma
Stone, who plays the president of Zeta
Alpha Zeta.
Each actor and actress in this movie
has been blatantly typecast, but you cant
help but fall into your own stereotypical
judgments of who is labeled as popular
and sexy versus those deemed loser and
unacceptable by society. For the good frst
half of the movie, Shelley (Anna Faris) tells
the women of Zeta Alpha Zeta that being
popular and successful depends on their
ability to attract men. She even goes as
far as saying in a beauty lesson, Your eyes
are the nipples of your face, ladies. Mean-
while, Shelley is struggling to understand
why Oliver (Colin Hanks) may be inter-
ested in something other than her looks.
But dont worry: Good sense prevails in
the end, and you cant help but like the
cameo appearance by Hugh Hefner him-
self.
Mia Iverson
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21
September 4, 2008
REVIEWS
Ra Ra Riot, a band hailing from Syracuse, N.Y.,
has been hovering just under the radar for two
years, ready for their moment to shine. Now, after
signing a deal with Barsuk Records and releasing
their frst album, this is that moment.
Ra Ra Riots full-length debut, The Rhumb Line,
effortlessly pairs stringed melodies with upbeat
tempos, intriguing lyrics and lively vocals to deliver
tracks that sound familiar while at the same time
pleasantly surprising and original. The use of violin
and cello adds a unique twist to the bands indie pop,
with orchestral sounds that range from light, cheery
melodies to haunting, powerful arrangements.
It hasnt been an easy road to The Rhumb Lines
release. In June 2007, drummer John Pike went
missing after a show in Providence, R.I., and was
later found dead near Fairhaven, Mass. Perhaps be-
cause of this loss, the albums tracks cover a range
of emotions with an adeptness not usually seen
by such young bands. Dying Is Fine, the lyrics of
which use elements of an E.E. Cummings poem, is a
song with a serious theme that somehow still man-
ages to erupt into a cheerful, carefree chorus. The
lighthearted, catchy tunes Ghost Under Rocks,
St. Peters Day Festival, and Oh, La are accom-
panied by the more poignant and serious track,
Winter 05. Although many of the songs were
penned before Pikes death (some of them by Pike
himself), Winter 05 sounds sorrowful and remi-
niscent of a friendship lost, and is eerily appropriate
for the emotions the band has likely felt since Pikes
passing.
After the loss of their bandmate and friend, Ra
Ra Riot faced a challenging time during which they
could have easily become discouraged and parted
ways. However, they have transcended tragedy to
prove their worth as up-and-coming artists with a
triumphant, satisfactory album.
Amanda Sorell
MUSIC REVIEW: Ra Ra Riot, The Rhumb Line
Hamlet 2 tells the story of hapless dra-
ma teacher Dana Marschz (Steve Coogan).
Marschz is, in all senses of the word, a fail-
ure. He cant get a decent acting job, his
marriage is fast approaching its end and, to
top it all off, the school board has just cut
drama from the budget. Now he has to in-
spire his not-so-interested students to put
on the best show of their lives in a desper-
ate attempt to save the drama program.
The show the class performs is
Marschzs own creation, Hamlet 2, the mu-
sical sequel to Shakespeares classic trag-
edy. In it, Jesus (you heard me right) and
Hamlet use a time machine to go back and
save all the characters who die in the origi-
nal play. Most of you have probably heard
the oh-so-catchy song Rock Me Sexy Je-
sus by now, and the rest of the musical is
in the same vein. Its ridiculous, infamma-
tory and amazingly funny.
The rest of the flm, which shows
Marschzs attempt to inspire his trouble-
some students, is not quite on par with
the stage portion, but is still very good. A
lot of its strength stems from the fact that
Coogan doesnt play Marschz as a goofy
caricature. He plays him straight, making
the humor more subtle, and also making
the character more sympathetic.
At its heart, Hamlet 2 isnt meant to
parody religion, Shakespeare, or even
high school drama. What it does parody
are all those sappy feel-good movies about
teacher-student relationshipsmovies
like Stand and Deliver or The Dead Poets
Society. Not only does this movie poke fun
at these overly emotional pieces of cinema
cheese, but it does so in the best way pos-
sible: By becoming one of those inspiring
educator movies itself.
What comes out is not only a smart
satire, but also a movie that can stand on
its own as a plot-driven comedy. Rock me,
Hamlet 2. Rock me all night long.
Abby Olcese
MOVIE REVIEW: Hamlet 2
$
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REVIEWS
22
September 4, 2008
GAME REVIEW: The Penny Arcade Expo
The Penny Arcade Expo drew more
than 45,000 gaming fans to the Seattle
Convention Center this past weekend
for games, concerts, presentations and
more. A slew of new games coming this
fall were on the show foor being demon-
strated to the public. Here is a rundown
of the outstanding games shown.
LittleBigPlanet is quickly becoming the
best reason to own a Playstation 3. Played
from a quasi-2D perspective, LittleBigPlanet
is the most user-customizable game ever
created. Players build their own planets
and create their own characters and can
share this with other gamers throughout
the world. Players can paint in pieces
of the levels like in Photoshop, and then
detail their levels with motors, switches,
moving platforms and thousands of other
possible mechanisms. The game comes
with more than 60 levels based on vari-
ous countries around the world, but what
will keep this game going is the YouTube-
like online sharing of levels created by the
games players.
Ubisoft had a multitude of excel-
lent games at the show. The fully voice-
controlled strategy game Endwar works
nearly fawlessly, even on a noisy conven-
tion show foor. The new Prince of Per-
sia, with its gorgeous fowing art, stylish
acrobatics, and innovative single player
co-op gameplay looks like an intriguing
new adventure. Finally, Far Cry 2 looks to
open up gamers to a new setting, the Af-
rican Serengeti, by letting them explore
nearly 50 square kilometers of open ter-
rain. Carrying out missions against arms
dealers and warlords, the game is ex-
tremely open about how it
lets players carry out their
missions, whether stealthily
sneaking into a base, divert-
ing attention with a brush
fre, or using an explosive
heads-frst assault.
Clayton Ashley
Jayplay
K COM ANSAN
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50 Legs