What Everybody Ought to Know About Forgiveness

Brief Definition That You Already Knew According to Oxford Advanced Learners Dictionary, forgive is to stop feeling angry with somebody who has done something to harm, annoy or upset you. Every one in some time have felt harmed, annoyed, and upset. Almost all the time, people who harmed us are our most beloved. Maybe its our neighbours, friends, brothers, sisters, family, spouse, children, grand children, or whoever. We always have two options: to forgive or not to forgive. You should always choose to forgive. Why? It bring more benefit to you. Dont believe me, try it for yourself, whether you choose to forgive or not. But at least you may read important things about forgiveness down below before you hate yourself for not doing what is right.

Youll Hate Yourself If You Chose Not to Forgive Not forgiving causes: Ineffective prayer Evaporates joy Weakens body Scientist have proven that unforgiveness releases chemicals into the body that increase heart rate, blood pressure, stomach acids, muscle tensions, and inflammation-triggering compounds. It encourages plague built up in your arteries which cause heart attacks, impotence, wrinkles, and strokes Torture your soul See failures of others, not your own You become as bad as who you hated Do you remember Return of the Jedi scene when Luke want to kill Darth Vader (who is actually his father)? Thankfully, he realized that if he killed him then he become everything he hated.

Forgiving will: Bring physical benefits: lowering stress level and blood pressure Help other to reduce any guilt they maybe holding on to Forgiveness boost your immune system, fights depression and stress (Mehmet C. Oz, MD and Michael F. Roizen, MD)

Little Known Scientific Research on Forgiveness 1. One study of special value was conducted by Freedman and Enright (1996). Although small in sample size, their outcome results on the effects of forgiveness upon female incest survivors were provocative. The study involved 12 female incest survivors randomly divided into a forgiveness treatment group and a wait-list control group. The treatment group attended weekly individual psychotherapy sessions over the course of a year, during which time they received a standardized 17 point forgiveness protocol. At the conclusion of treatment, the forgiveness group had gained more than the control group in forgiving their victimizers and they experienced increased hope. Moreover, their depression and anxiety scores fell below that of the no treatment control group, raising the possibility that there is a relationship between forgiveness and peace and happiness. When the control group participated in the forgiveness intervention, it made similar gains as the original treatment group. Examination of individual cases showed that forgivers were able to emotionally heal as they relinquished resentment of their perpetrators. Some participants were even able to reconcile with them. Importantly, the forgiveness intervention correlates to what appears to be a healing of both emotional states and healthy object-relations ability. 2. Al-Mabuk, Enright, Cardis (1995), in a study among adolescent children who felt inadequately loved by their parents, demonstrated that the children experienced decreased anxiety and depression and increased self-esteem following forgiveness interventions. They were taught how to forgiveand after they forgave their parents, they felt better about themselves. 3. Coyle and Enright, (1997) showed that men hurt by their female partners decision to have an abortion experienced decreased anger, anxiety, and grief following a

forgiveness intervention targeted to foster forgiveness for the person they blamed most for the abortion. 4. Hebl and Enright, (1993) found that among 24 elderly Christian females who struggled with a forgiveness issue,those in the treatment group who scored higher on forgiveness demonstrated increased self-esteem and lower anxiety and depression levels than those in the non-forgive-ness group. 5. A cross sectional study of over 1,000 adults during a 1988 poll statistically established that negative life satisfaction relates to resentment of offenders and positive life satisfaction relates to praying for people who hurt us. So, in this Gallup poll, forgivers appear more satisfied with their lives than resentful non-forgivers (Poloma and Gallop, 1988). 6. Among outcomes measured in a study by Dr. Robert Enright validating the Enright Forgiveness Inventorya 60 item forgiveness scale that assesses positive and negative aspects of behavior, cognition, and affect toward an offending personanxiety levels decreased as forgiveness scores increased (Subkoviak, Enright, Wu, Gassin, Freedman, Olson, and Sarinopoulos, 1995). 7. van Oyen Witvliet, C., Ludwig, T., and Vander Laan, K. (2001) in a fascinating study attempted to measure the physiological responses of forgiveness. In their study, 36 men and 35 women, who were connected to biofeedback equipment, were asked to think of someone who hurt them and to think about all the things that they would like to do to punish those people. The biofeedback equipment registered dramatic physiological changesfrom increased muscle tension to heart rate. As the participants thought about hurting the people who trespassed against them, their own bodies were ravaged. When they were told to think of forgiving the people who had hurt them, something different happened: their bodies quieted into normal ranges. The conclusion of these researchers was that forgiving people is probably good, not only for your emotional health, but also physical health. The researchers believe that further research is likely to show that forgivers will have fewer coronary problems.

Forgiveness Myth You Never Knew 1. Forgiveness is not sanctioning and condoning abusive behavior 2. Forgiveness is not conditional.

3. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. 4. Forgiveness is not denial. 5. Forgiveness is not forgetting. (Caine and Kaufman, 1999, p.285, developed by Charles L. Zeiders, Psy.D.)

The Secret of True Forgiveness 1. Forgiveness is acknowledging that a person has wounded you by trespassing against you. 2. Forgiveness is acknowledging a Will to Punish the offending person. For example: this person inflicted six units of pain of me, i will inflict six units of pain on them. This is the Will to Punish. 3. Through an act of Will before God in prayer, the forgiver asserts a Will to Forgive the trespasser over and above their Will to Punish the trespasser. 4. Forgiveness is a change of mind. It is not an emotional event. It is a psychological deed conducted with intention. 'I no longer require you to suffer the way you made me suffer.' 5. Following forgiveness, healing is sought. This is because the wound remains. So we must find healing through God's grace.

Source: A Christian Depth Psychology of Forgiveness Leading to the Ressurection Effect by Charles L. Zeiders, Psy. D.

P.S.:

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