The Guardian G2 06.11.2012

Feather and teepees
No Doubt go rogue
Aditya Chakrabortty
How wealth shapes votes
Bradley Wiggins
Why Id never dope
Artists for Obama

By Jonathan Jones
How we made
Were Going on a Bear Hunt
Tuesday 06.11.12
Drawing a line
Can Adbusters change the way we think about economics?
12A
ILLUSTRATION IST-ONE
Shortcuts
Hall (right) de nies he said Its not working while watching the cl osing scene of Uncle Vanya
Drama
Peter Hall: the loudest mutter in theatre history
ets get one thing clear. It wasnt a heckle, which is the word the Telegraph used to headline its story about Peter Halls curious response to the starry Uncle Vanya that opened at the Vaudeville theatre in Londons West End on Friday. But it was extremely loud, and it came in the plays closing moments when the saintly Sonya (played by Laura Carmichael) tries to convince Vanya (Ken Stott) that life is worth living. Hall, in an aisle seat in the third row of the stalls, had decided it wasnt. Its not working, its just not working, he kept saying through the minute or so that Sonyas impossibly delicate nal speech takes. The Telegraph also quotes him as saying: I could be at home watching television, but from my seat in the row behind Hall, I heard it as: Its just like something on television. Lifeless and two-dimensional, in other words. Carmichael came to prominence in Downton Abbey, and there were lots of photographers outside the Vaudeville to catch
her at the opening, so television may have been on Halls mind. Those nal few minutes of the play, with Sonya intoning Life must go on and Hall responding No, please stop now (or words to that eect), were excruciatingly embarrassing, but also fantastically theatrical. It seems unlikely that this concluding soliloquy has ever been done as a two-hander. It was, indeed, far more arresting theatrically than anything we had witnessed in the previous two and a half hours
of a production that, as Michael Billington said in his Guardian review, may be a bit too respectful of this great but extremely familiar play for its own good. Carmichael soldiered on without skipping a beat indeed, her performance generally was excellent but Stott looked furious at what turned out to be a pretty perfunctory curtain call. At that moment, the cast would not have known that Britains most distinguished director was responsible. Thank goodness Stott, who is not
averse to stopping performances in mid-sentence to berate noisy members of the audience, did not come down into the stalls in search of the culprit. Then we would really have had a night to remember. Speaking to the London Evening Standard yesterday, Hall denied he had been criticising the production, saying he had briey fallen asleep and was disorientated when he woke up. I am mortied that I unintentionally disrupted the nal scene of Uncle Vanya and I have sent a personal note to Laura Carmichael oering my apologies, he said. Hall, who is 81, has spent a lifetime sitting in the stalls at dress rehearsals making notes and oering views of performances. He has directed Uncle Vanya many times, and as recently as 2008 in a well-received production. He must know the play better than any person alive. To clear it up, tweeted one member of the rst-night audience, Peter Hall wasnt heckling, he was muttering loudly about it not working. That seems to me exactly right. He was fretting to himself about aspects of the production not working and worrying how they could be improved, but doing so loud enough for his voice to carry up to the dress circle. It may have been the loudest mutter in theatrical history. Stephen Moss
Modern languages
Do you speak Tok Pisin?
rince Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall were given a warm welcome on Saturday as they arrived in Papua New Guinea to begin a two-week Antipodean tour to mark the Queens Diamond Jubilee. The Prince of Wales spoke in the local language Tok Pisin as he introduced himself as the
nambawan pikinini bilong Misis Kwin the number one child belonging to Mrs Queen. Tok Pisin is a creole language and is the most widely spoken in po e Papua New Guinea. Tok is derived s from the English word talk and lk Pisin from pidgin. Much of its vocabulary has a charm of its own, as the following testify: liklik box you pull him he cry you push him he cry an accordion bigfella iron walking stick him go bang along topside a rie
skru bilong han (screw belong arm) elbow gras bilong het (grass belong head) hair au maus gras (mouth grass) mo moustache g gras bilong fes (grass belong fa face) beard pen bilong maus (pen be belong mouth) lipstick bun nating (bone nothing) a very thin person tit i gat windua bilong em (te (teeth have window belong him a broken-o tooth him) si sikispela lek (six legs) man wit two wives with
susok man (shoe sock man) urbanite frok-bel (frog belly) obese person emti tin (empty tin) person who speaks nonsense at taia (at tire) exhausted person smok balus (smoke bird) jet airplane poket bruk (pocket broken) out of money bagarap (bugger up) broken, to break down haus moni (house money) bank haus sik (house sick) hospital belhat (belly hot) angry Adam Jacot de Boinod
Shorter cuts
2 The Guardian 06.11.12
BFFs?
One of Rebekah Brooks texts to David Cameron read: Will love working together. So whats with the weird quote marks? Sarcasm? A bizarre euphemism? Puzzling.
Red-letter day
Thunderclap a social media tool that co-ordinates simultaneous tweets and Facebook updates is signing up UK users for a mass reminder about the two-minute silence on Remembrance Day. More info at britishlegion.org.uk
Music
A bad attack of feather and teepee syndrome
o you think Im looking hot? sings Gwen Stefani on No Doubts new single Looking Hot. If the reaction to the video is anything to go by, the answer is most denitely a not. In the clip, Stefani plays a Native American princess in a variety of culturally questionable garb (feathered headdress, tasselled tribal dress, moccasin boots). We see her emoting in a teepee, getting handcued to a wall by cowboys and generally making like a blonde Pocahontas in a Roy Rogers-inspired Vogue shoot. Village People and Adam Ant may have used similar visuals without problems, but that was 30-odd years ago. It seems obvious that in 2012 the band would catch ak for their inaccurate and insensitive appropriation of Native American culture. Hours after it premiered (and two days into Native American History month) the clips dislikes had jumped from 60 to 700 on YouTube, with one commentator calling Stefani out for debasing all Native American women and perpetuating the
colonial image of the Savage Indian. Author Sherman Alexie tweeted that the band turned 500 years of colonialism into a silly dance song and fashion show. The video was pulled almost immediately and the group released a statement saying that diversity and consideration for other cultures was important to them. We call this the leather, feather, teepee and tomahawks syndrome, says Barrie CoxDacre, executive director of the International North American Indian Association UK. A lot of people think they can put an inaccurate plastic bonnet on and some grease paint and thats OK, but its not. For Stefani, the line between a Madonna-like pop culture magpie and plain old cultural naivety has been a ne one. As the blog Laist points out, the singer has got into trouble with her use of bindis as a fashion accessory (in the video for Just A Girl from 1995) and the troupe of slave-like Harajuku Girls she used in the visuals for her 2004 solo album Love Angel Music Baby. Comic Margaret Cho likened them to a minstrel show, while MAD TV parodied the trend with a Stefani lookalike singing the satirical song Arent Asians Great? (sung to the tune of The Sweet Escape). It seems like some people never learn. Priya Elan
Pass notes No 3,275 Kim Dotcom

IN NUMBERS
David Camerons low key trip to the Gulf has been criticised for promoting arms deals to undemocratic regimes. What exactly is at stake?
6bn
Value of potential deals to Britain
60
Potential sales of Typhoon ghter jets to United Arab Emirates
12
Potential sales to Oman
300,000
Employed in defence industry jobs, according to Camerons justication of legitimate arms trades
No Doubts Gwen Stefani in the video for Looking Hot
Age: 38 Appearance: Like a small black bouncy castle. Thats a very unkind remark. There are a lot of overweight people who struggle with low self-esteem. I think Dotcom might be one of the other ones. What makes you say that? He is a amboyant lesharing tycoon who lives in a mansion in New Zealand surrounded by giant photographs of himself. Hes probably just shy. It would have to be the kind of shyness that makes you drive around in a pink Cadillac convertible and a Rolls-Royce with the numberplate GOD. Because those are Dotcoms cars, or at least they were until they were seized in a police raid in January that was later ruled to be illegal. Poor chap. All this must have dented his morale. He appears to be coping. He has just announced plans to replace his old site Megaupload with a new one called Mega. He also intends to sue the US government and the Hollywood lm studios and, when he wins, spend the settlement on installing a bre-optic cable across the Pacic Ocean in order to supply every house in New Zealand with free broadband. A guys gotta have a dream. Yes. And hell always have his music career if it all falls at. His what? Oh, he also makes rather strange electro pop songs with his wife. And before the police raid, he was the worlds No 1 Modern Warfare player. Right. Anything else you havent mentioned? He was born in Kiel, Germany, with the name Kim Schmitz. If he is extradited to the US, and then convicted, he might face decades of prison time. Police found him hiding in a safe room with a sawn-o shotgun. He has past convictions in Germany for computer fraud and insider trading. According to the Motion Picture Association of America, he is the biggest copyright infringer in the world. Youre just trying smear a mans character with a barrage of facts! Guilty as charged. Do say: Theyre treating us like a Maa, man! (as Dotcom protested in an interview with Wired). Dont say: Perhaps you shouldnt have put the word MAFIA on your Mercedes?
PHOTOGRAPH TRISTRAM KENTON COVER ADBUSTERS
Baby Skyfall?
According to Alan Carr, , who visited last week, Adele still hasnt thought of a name for her baby, a month after r he was born. Suggestions ons on a postcard?
Running stitch
The presidential election has inspired crafters across the US, with the Obama puppet reportedly outselling Romney by a signicant margin. See a gallery of other handmade eorts at guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle
Treeconomics
The new conservationists buzzword for putting a value on natural resources. Counting the cost of ash dieback should be easy, now we know the amenity value of the average British tree is 360.
06.11.12 The Guardian 3
Aditya Chakrabortty
How can a society as unequal as America produce anything other than political gridlock?
ricey American universities look a lot more Hogwarts than their British counterparts. As one of the 10 most expensive private colleges in the US, Carnegie Mellon in Pittsburgh almost oppresses visitors with neo-gothic grandness; yet it was the setting this September for one of the scratchiest academic arguments I have ever heard. I was a guest of Carol Goldburg, the director of CMUs undergraduate economics programme, who had gathered a few colleagues to give their take on the presidential election. Here were four top economists huddled round a lunch table: they were surely going to regale me with talk of labour-market policy, global imbalances, marginal tax rates. My opener was an easy ball: how did they think President Obama had done? Sevin Yeltekin, an expert on political economy, was the rst to respond: He hasnt delivered on a lot of his promises, but he inherited a big mess. Id give him a solid B. I threw the same question to her neighbour and one of Americas most renowned rightwing economists, Allan Meltzer. He snapped: A straight F: he took a mess and made it even bigger. Then came Goldburg, now wearing the look of a hostess whose guests are falling out: Well, Im concerned about welfare and poverty, and Obamas tried hard on those issues. A tentative pause. B-minus? Finally it was the turn of Bennett McCallum, author of such rened works as Multiple-Solution Indeterminacies in Monetary Policy Analysis. Surely he would bring the much-needed technical ballast? Um, no. D: hes trying to turn this country into France. Here were four economists on the same faculty; ame yet Obamas reputation depended on entirely on who was doing the assessment. The president resident was either B or F, good or a failure: opposite poles posite with no middle ground, and not even a joint agreement of the judging criteria. Its hardly news that US politics is now so ow polarised. You watch either Fox or MSNBC; NBC; you read these blogs or those; youre an Occupier or a Born Again. And you never ver talk to the other side. The playwright Arthur rthur Miller summed up this state of aairs best during the 2004 election: How can the he polls be neck and neck when I dont know now one Bush supporter? Even so, what I saw in the dining hall at Carnegie Mellon showed just how divided US politics has as become: that even technical experts no o longer share a common language. Explaining the Great Gulf is now a cottage industry, with experts serving up a variety of paperback-ready explanations. ions. Its all to do with how arguments are framed amed (George Lako ); its false consciousness ss
Economists graded Obama either B or F, good or a failure: opposite poles with no middle ground
(Thomas Frank); birds of the same socio-political feather ock together (Bill Bishops The Great Sort). The most recent and radical thesis has been advanced by the evolutionary psychologist Jonathan Haidt, who argues that liberals and conservatives have dierent mental wiring. So far, so completely lacking in history. Go back to the 60s and the sense of continuity between Republicans and Democrats was strong enough that sociologists such as Daniel Bell wrote about The End of Ideology. And very few analysts have done the obvious thing of putting together Americas political polarisation with the other great trend of the past 30 years: the chasm that has opened up between the rich and the rest. Rather than ask why US politics is broken, a more obvious question is surely: how can a society this divided produce anything but political gridlock? In their 2006 book Polarized America, the political scientists Nolan McCarty, Keith Poole and Howard Rosenthal plotted the voting behaviour of elected representatives and their constituents, and compared them with the rise in inequality. They found an overwhelming link: as the US economy became more unequal from the 70s, its Congressmen and voters became increasingly extreme and their incomes became an ever more reliable guide to their aliations. The richest fth of Americans are now 2.5 times more likely to vote Republican than the bottom fth, a trend that McCarty says didnt exist back in the 70s. And as the wealth gap increased, and voters became more polarised, the Republicans moved away from policies aimed at redistributing wealth and focused instead on cutting taxes an and slashing regulation. slash This argument about voting with your wallet ar doesnt cancel out all the others about the role of c values or religion. But the authors point out that even among evangelical Christians, the poor are amo far more likely to skew Democrat than those at the for top. As f Congress, McCartys vote-crunching leads him to pronounce this last parliament the h most polarised since records began. And given that US inequality only intensied after the crash, cras there is little hope of any agreement on such issues as government spending or climate change. cli Supersize inequality leads to crashes, economists from the IMF to the Bank of ec England now agree. But it surely also corEn rodes rod democracy. One of Clintons national security advisers, Richard Feinberg, observed: secu If a society fundamentally disagrees on fundaso mental issues the nature of property and what constitutes a legitimate political system co democracy democra cant handle it. At the time, his words lecture to Latin American nations. Now they were a le sound like a reproach to his own countrymen. lik
PHOTOGRAPH HECTOR ACEVEDO/CORBIS
Images from the Lasn and Adbusters book Meme Wars: I want to light a re under students around the world, he says
ast November, 70 Harvard economics students walked out of a lecture by their faculty head, Greg Mankiw. Angry at the conservative nature of Harvards economics course, they were suspicious of their lecturers failure to predict the ongoing nancial crisis, and their unerring faith in the theories that led to the crisis in the rst place. So up stood the students, and out they went to join a march organised by Occupy Boston instead. Its this kind of campus reaction that Kalle Lasn wants to inspire with his latest book, Meme Wars the Creative Destruction of Neo-Classical Economics. I want to light a re under the economic students around the world, he says. I can imagine a few of them asking: how come we are still being taught the old economics? Why did not even one in a hundred of you professors see the meltdown coming? Its an invitation to the students who get wind of the book to create a bit of a ruckus within the university. Lasn is the founder and editor of Adbusters, the very leftwing, very well-designed magazine that has railed against consumerism since 1989. Among other successful stunts, Adbusters has popularised TV Turno Week where, as you would expect, millions try to avoid television for seven days. Then theres the annual Buy Nothing Day, which is again fairly self-explanatory. Both campaigns go hand in hand with what Adbusters is most famous for: culture-jamming, or subvertising, which sees the magazines team create spoof versions of well-known adverts. Its also the organ that invented the concept of Occupy Wall Street, and Lasn is
The new style rebels

Adbusters magazine has been visually subverting capitalism for 20 years. Here its founder Kalle Lasn outlines his new economic manifesto to Patrick Kingsley
the man who rst registered the movements website. Like anyone involved in Occupy, Lasn doesnt want to be identied as its gurehead or posterboy. He is proud of the movements horizontal structure, and has been running from the authoritarian left since he was a child. Born in Tallinn in 1942, his family ed the Russian invasion two years later. For the next half-decade, he lived in a German refugee camp, before spending the next
two decades in Australia and Japan. Lasn made it to Canada in 1970, where he now lives on a small farm outside Vancouver, apparently padding to work in wellington boots. Before founding Adbusters, he made TV documentaries that critiqued capitalism. Yet he denes himself against consumerism, rather than with the old-school left. For the past 15 to 20 years, we at Adbusters have been saying we have to jump over the dead body of the old left, he says. Im not all that interested in the political left, unless its this new horizontal left thats coming out of Occupy. But Meme Wars is not, he stresses, a manifesto for Occupy, a movement often criticised for its lack of direction. It is nevertheless an attempt to do what Occupy couldnt: its a radical economics textbook that Lasn hopes will spread the spirit of Occupy from the town square to the university campus. It was of the things that the Occupy movement didnt quite achieve, unlike in 1968 the great moment in my life, when I became politicised, he says. For some weird reason, when almost the same thing [as 1968] happened in Zuccotti Park, and then spread around the world like it did in 68, it didnt really happen in the universities. The book is billed as an alternative textbook, and it certainly looks it.
Meme Wars is billed as an alternative textbook, but its pages are a far cry from the usual economics primers
Adbusters pastiches adverts to satirise consumerism and Meme Wars does something similar for economics primers. Darling! reads a subverted image of two 50s lovers. Lets get deeply into debt. Elsewhere, graphs that chart economic growth over the past halfcentury are overlayed with ones that show a simultaneous rise in depression and pollution. While the texts content is pretty dense, visually it has the look and feel of a messy scrapbook or graphic
novel. There arent even any page numbers: a rejection of what Lasn sees as the faux-rationalism of mainstream economics. Thats deliberate. We dont like page numbers. Its one of the leftcortex things that you dont actually need if you want to understand something such as economics. Lasn sees three problems with conventional economics teaching. First: orthodox or neo-classical economics has brought the world to the brink of
nancial ruin. Second: by fostering a consumer culture, it has turned humanity into a selsh, anxious race. Third: it fetishises economic growth even though this growth is ultimately destructive, since it both makes us unhappy and wreaks unsustainable havoc on the planets natural resources. This is one of the most fatal aws in neo-classical economics, says Lasn, in a delicate Estonian lilt that belies the passion of his argument. We
Lasn and his Adbusters team take aim at corporations, capitalism and consumerism
cannot keep on selling o our natural capital and calling it income. Its the most stupid mistake of all When they measure growth, they dont measure real progress. The they to which he refers is the economics establishment. People such as Harvards Greg Mankiw, whose textbook, Principles of Economics, is taught in many universities, and which Lasn argues helps entrench the values of orthodox economics in the minds of each successive generation of economists, who then use their inuence to maintain the status quo inside governments. Lasns modest hope is therefore to inspire the next generation to grab Mankiw and his brethren by the scru of their neck and throw them out of power. In a sense, I am calling for a scientic revolution: a revolution where the new guard the heterodox, maverick people who have been sniping for a long time rise to the top and nally create a new kind of economics. Once that happens, Lasn argues, a new crop of economists will emerge and theyll become economic advisers to the people running governments all around the world, and bit by bit the whole practice of economics can begin to heave. As Lasn himself acknowledges, his hopes are not new. In fact, Meme Wars is structured around the thoughts of leftwing economists who have been
making these arguments for years. The book features interviews with Joseph Stiglitz, and essays by, among others, Herman Daly and George Akerlof. We, says Lasn of his colleagues at Adbusters, who helped him edit the book, took all these people who we had fallen in love with over the years, and we put together a jigsaw puzzle of them. Meme Wars takes those existing radical arguments and uses them to esh out what Lasn sees as a new(ish) brand of radical economics. Something that is humbler than the orthodox schools that doesnt hubristically see itself as an exact, rational science, but a
social one. Lasn suggests the concept of psychonomics economics that takes into account human behaviour or bionomics, which bears in mind the cost of environment damage. There has been a maverick tradition out there that has been snapping at the heels of the dominant paradigm for a long time, he argues. But they havent quite zeroed in on exactly what [the alternative] could be. And I thought of those two words. There is no faulting Lasns ambition. At the risk of sounding a bit grandiose, he says, Meme Wars is an attempt to do something that actually could put humanity on a new path. Of course, it probably isnt quite as revolutionary as all that. Behavioural and no-growth economics already exist as concepts. Tim Jacksons Prosperity Beyond Growth and Ha-Joon Changs 23 Things They Dont Tell You About Capitalism are just two recent books that also contradict traditional economic ideas. But Meme Wars with its unusual visuals and collation of todays main radical thinkers is nevertheless a welcome addition to the fray. And if its unique graphics can turn a few more heads than its predecessors on campus, then so much the better.
Meme Wars: the Creative Destruction of NeoClassical Economics, by Kalle Lasn/Adbusters, is published by Penguin, 19.99.
Meme Wars is an attempt to do something that could put humanity on a new path, says Lasn
If I doped I could lose everything

In the second extract from his autobiography, Bradley Wiggins explains why he gets angry if hes accused of cheating. Drugs would mean risking his reputation, his livelihood, his family and his home
get incredibly angry when Im accused of doping, or even when its merely implied. That accusation is like saying to someone else: you cheat at your job; you cheated to get to where you are now. I made a particular eort to explain it to Herv Bombrun, a journalist from lEquipe. Im good friends with him, so fortunately I was able to make my point without him punching me in the face. He asked me: What is that anger all about? Its all right you saying all this kind of stu but Have you got kids? Yeah, Im married with kids. What if I said to you theyre not your kids? What do you mean? What if I said, your wife had an aair at the time, so she got pregnant by someone else? No, it was denitely me. I know theyre my children. Well, no, I dont think they are. So he started getting upset, and I explained: Look, it makes you angry, doesnt it? It makes you want to come out ghting. Its like people telling me Im cheating at what Im doing; it gets me angry. Ah oui, oh gosh. As time has gone on, the reasons why I would never use drugs have become far more important. It comes down to my family, and the life I have built for myself and how I would feel about living with the possibility of getting caught. The question that needs to be asked is not why wouldnt I take drugs, but
why would I? I know exactly why I wouldnt dope. To start with, I came to professional road racing from a dierent background to a lot of guys. The attitude to doping in the UK is dierent to on the Continent, where a rider such as Richard Virenque can dope, be caught, be banned, come back and be a national hero. There is a different culture in British cycling. Britain is a country where doping is not morally acceptable. I grew up in the British environment, with the Olympic side of the sport as well as the Tour de France. If I doped I would potentially stand to lose everything. Its a long list. My reputation, my livelihood, my marriage, my family, my house. Everything I have achieved, my Olympic medals, my world titles, the CBE I was given. I would have to take my children to the school gates in a small Lancashire village with everyone looking at me, knowing I had cheated, knowing I had, perhaps, won the Tour de France but then been caught. All my friends in cycling are here, and my extended family. My wife organises races in Lancashire. I have my own sportif, with people coming and paying 40 each to ride. Caths family have been in cycling for 50 years, and I would bring shame and embarrassment on them: my father-inlaw works at British Cycling, and would never be able to show his face there again. Its not just about me: if I doped it would jeopardise Sky who sponsor the entire sport in the UK Dave Brailsford and all he has done, and Tim Kerrison, my trainer. I would not want
Wiggins Its not just about me
THE DETAILS
Extracted from Bradley Wiggins: My Time, published by Yellow Jersey Press on Thursday. To order your copy for 14 (rrp 20) with free UK p&p visit guardianbookshop. co.uk or call 0330 333 6846.
to end up sitting in a room with all that hanging on me, thinking, Shit, I dont want anyone to nd out. That is not something I wish to live with. The problem with the accusations is that they begin that whole process of undermining what I have achieved. Thats why I get angry about them. This is only sport we are talking about. Sport does not mean more to me than all those other things I have. Winning the Tour de France at any cost is not worth the risk. That boils down to why I race a bike. I do it because I love it, and I love doing my best and working hard. I dont do it for a power trip. At the end of the day, Im a shy bloke looking forward to taking my son rugby training after the Tour. If I felt I had to take drugs, I would rather stop tomorrow, go and ride club 10-mile time trials, ride to the cafe on Sundays, and work in Tesco stacking shelves. I havent followed all the ins and outs of the Lance Armstrong case, but I know the broad lines: hes not contesting the doping charges against
PHOTOGRAPH TIM DE WAELE/CORBIS/TDW
On the web Join Bradley Wiggins for a live webchat at 1pm on Thursday guardian.co.uk/sport
him (although hes still protesting his innocence); as it stands, his Tour titles have been taken away from him; there is Tyler Hamiltons book, which is pretty damning; the Usada (United States Anti-Doping Agency) report on the case of the US Postal team makes it clear that he was doping in a sophisticated way. Regardless of what Ive said over the years, I have always had my suspicions about him. When the news broke it was like when youre a kid and you nd out Father Christmas doesnt exist. Its shocking still, but not a huge surprise. When he made his comeback in 2009, it became more relevant to me because I was actually racing against him. By 2009 it had become clear that many of the top guys werent clean at the time Lance was at his best a lot of the guys who nished second to him were subsequently caught, and quite a few of those who nished third, fourth or fth but when he came back to the sport I quite liked him. He seemed much more relaxed, he seemed to be returning
for reasons other than winning. He was quite gracious in defeat in some of those races; he was quite respectful, encouraging of what I was trying to do. I thought whatever had happened in the past had happened; it hadnt aected me in those years. At the time I stuck to my line that Lances return was a good thing for the sport. Without Lances achievement in the Tour, Livestrong, his cancer charity, wouldnt have such a high prole and perhaps wouldnt be able to do the work it does. Without Lance, cycling mightnt be as popular he made it cool in a way. The fact alone that he was coming back to the sport had raised cyclings prole; he announced his comeback on the cover of Vanity Fair, not a cycling magazine, which shows how he had given the sport its current broad appeal. I didnt know, of course, that eight or nine months down the line I was going to go toe-to-toe with him for a place on the podium in the Tour de France. With hindsight, Im glad I never criticised him. I had to go and race with the guy
As the yellow jersey, the pressure is on me to answer all the questions about doping
and everyone around him. I know what Lance is like if you make an enemy of him. Weve seen it in the past. He could have made my life very dicult. But if it were conrmed that he was doping in 200910, then he can get fucked, completely. Before, he wouldnt have been alone in what he was doing, but the sport has changed since he retired the rst time. After 2009, what Lance was or was not doing directly affected everybody, because the sport was making a real eort; Garmin and other teams were being pretty vocal about riding clean. Ultimately I nished fourth in the Tour that year, by 38 seconds to Armstrong who was in third place; getting on the podium of the Tour might have been my only chance. * On a personal level, the way I look at it now is that, as the yellow jersey, the pressure is on me to answer all the questions about doping even though Ive never doped. I was asked the questions in the Tour and I gave the answers I did. So Im pissed o that Lance has done what he did; it feels as if hes disappeared and I have to answer all the questions. That really, really annoys me. And where is he? Halfway around the world, doing this, that and the other. But we are the ones in this sport today who have got to answer all the questions. It feels like Lance has dumped on the sport and weve got to clean it up because hes not around any more: hes not managing a team, hes not at the races like other riders from the past Sean Kelly, Eddy Merckx hes out there carrying on as he was before. Hes still giving statements saying hes standing by this, its a vendetta, everything thats been said out there is all rubbish. But as things stand today, Ive won more Tours de France than he has. If Im asked what I feel about it, there is a lot of anger. We are the ones here, in this sport, right now, who have to pick up the pieces. We are the ones trying to race our bikes, the ones sitting there in front of the press trying to convince them of our innocence, continuing to do things in the right way; theyve trashed the oce and left; were the ones trying to tidy it all up. Im doing what I do. I just hope that by conducting myself as I have done this year, by winning the races I have and doing what were doing clean, were creating a legacy for the next lot of riders who come along. * Since this memoir was written, Lance Armstrong has been disqualied from the 2009 Tour de France and Wiggins ranked third
Bradley Wiggins 2012. Bradley Wiggins A Year In Yellow, is on Sky Atlantic HD on Wednesday 21 November at 10pm.
Women
ike many Egyptian women, Nihal Saad Zaghloul is no stranger to street harassment. But it was one incident in particular that made the 26-year-old IT worker decide to do something about it. Along with some friends, she was attacked by a group of men in Cairos Tahrir Square in June: They started groping me and grabbing (my) hijab. I lost my friends, I was terried some (other) men hid me behind a small kiosk. Traumatised and furious, Nihal blogged about the incident at length, but writing wasnt enough. The following week, she formed an anti-harassment group, inviting about 60 men and women, via Facebook, to gather on Mohamed Mahmoud street, near Tahrir Square, to protest peacefully against harassment. They were set upon by about 50 men, who groped the women and beat up the men. But Nihal was undeterred, setting up a website to post her blogs detailing instances of harassment. By July, she says, the movement had begun. Zaghaleel, which means carrier pigeons in Arabic, now comprises a growing number of women and men who form street patrols, eectively preventing assaults on women in public by talking to the assailants and drawing attention to their behaviour. Wearing hi-vis jackets, the male patrollers walk the platforms of the metro in a bid to protect female passengers travelling on the womenonly carriages. They form a human chain around the women and have never resorted to violence. They dont need to, says Nihal, because the more of us there are the more scared the harassers are to ght. Zaghaleels presence during Eid was particularly welcome; 727 cases of sexual harassment were reported to the authorities over the religious holiday, which ended on 26 October. Eid, when more women take part in public events, brings with it sexual harassment. It kills the spirit of celebration for many Muslim women, says Nihal. She estimates that 15 individual incidents of harassment were halted during Octobers Eid celebrations because of Zaghaleels intervention. Of the 30-40 volunteers, most were men. Zaghaleels decision to seek out and intervene in actual incidents of harassment is radical even for established anti-street harassment activists. They have come into contact with aggression, violence and at least one incident involving a knife, and yet their numbers continue to grow. The Zaghaleel patrollers are typical of Egypts younger generation, weaned
Patrolling is a painkiller
Campaigners in Egypt took to the streets during Eid to ght back against the rising problem of harassment. Rosie Swash reports
on the importance of protest and keen to establish a democratic, progressive society after the overthrow of Hosni Mubarak. Harassment in Egypt has denitely become worse since 2011, Nihal told the Guardian, because thugs can spread in the absence of state police. Women are targeted in protests to scare them o, so that fewer numbers will be prepared to go out and ght for their rights. The Free Egyptians party recently called for constitutional changes to be made to end the the phenomenon of sexual harassment in their country, a call that has apparently been answered by the prime minster, Hesham Qandil, who said earlier this month that stricter sexual harassment penalties were being drafted. Currently there are three laws relating to verbal insults, indecent behaviour and sexual assault but rarely is an incident actually punished. The laws are hard to enforce, says Omar El Gabry, one of a growing number of
Nihal Saad Zaghloul protesting on the streets of Cairo
Egypt has a long history of feminist activity, but it was always under the radar
men to join Zaghaleel. They require women to have enormous stamina and irrefutable evidence to prove a valid case. The position of women in Egyptian society came to the fore during the revolution when so many of them joined the protest on Tahrir Square. During this time, a number of foreign reporters, including France 24s Sonia Dridi and CBSs Lara Logan, were sexually assaulted while covering events in Cairo, bringing international focus to the kind of sexual harassment and assault that more than 83% of the countrys women have at some point experienced, according to the Egyptian Centre for Womens Rights. Professor Nadje Al-Ali, a gender specialist who has lived in Cairo, explains that just as crowd harassment has long been an issue in Egypt, so has the backlash against it. Egypt has a long history of feminist activity, but it was always active under the radar to avoid a political crackdown. What the events of 2011 did was allow those people to come forward and take a public stand against street harassment. Though Al-Ali can still recall brutal incidents of crowd harassment from decades ago, she highlights extremely high levels of youth unemployment 90% of those without work are under 30 as contributing to a crisis in masculinity that worsens the problem. Anti-street harassment movements in Egypt such as Harassmap, an outreach organisation that gathers information on specic incidents of sexual harassment, is evidence of a growing unwillingness to endure street harassment. The recent case of Eman Mostafa, a 16-year-old girl who was shot and killed by a harasser after she reproached him, so appalled the country that many Egyptians protested outside Assiut University, near where Mostafa lived. Omar El Gabry, a 23-year-old engineer from Cairo, was introduced to Nihals work via Facebook. I am aware of the psychological consequences of sexual harassment on women and I fear that those eects might cascade to the next generation, which will be responsible for building the future Egypt. Nihal, who wants to be an educator rather than a politician, says the patrols are only the beginning. Patrolling is a painkiller that we use to help women walk on the streets safely. We want to expand into raising awareness in schools and universities. My ambition is to change how people view and act towards sexual harassment. I would like to see a society that genuinely understands the greatness they could achieve if only they would empower women.
The rise of African women Nobel prizewinners presidents what next for the continent?
This has been a great year for women in power in Africa with the election of a second female president, the appointment of the rst female head of the African Union and not one, but two female Nobel prizewinners. In April we saw the election of Joyce Banda (pictured) as president of Malawi; in June, Gambias Fatou Bensouda was declared chief prosecutor of the international criminal court and in July Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma became the rst female head of the African Union. This trio join Liberian president and Nobel prizewinner Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, Nigerian nance minister Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Head of Africa at the World Economic Forum Elsie Kanza and founder of the Ethiopian commodity exchange Eleni Gabre Madhin in the ARISE100 list of women shaping modern Africa launched in the US and worldwide this week. The magazine created the list to reect the changes in relatively young states in Africa, where 16 countries have more female parliamentarians than the UK. It remains to be seen whether the increasing visibility of African women in power translates to better prospects for women on the continent. The fact that weve now had three female heads of state shows that we are making progress, says Hadeel Ibrahim, executive director of the Mo Ibrahim foundation, whose annual Index charts good governance within Africa. If you look at our index, the area in which the most progress has been made is gender, but theres still clearly a long way to go, says Ibrahim. Lack of equality of opportunity be it education or employment, poor maternal health, particularly in rural areas, and the fact that rape is being increasingly used as a weapon in conict are just some of the frontline gender issues on the continent. For all the gains, women lead only two out of 54 African countries. It is too soon to say what dierence their presence makes. A recent Gallup poll found that Rwandan women feel safer walking alone at night than UK women, for example, but in South Africa, where representation is also more equally split than in the UK, rape statistics are still shockingly high. More women in positions of power may lead to these issues being pushed higher up the political agenda, but for these conversations to be meaningful they must also include men. One of my frustrations in talking about lking gender on the continent is ent that its always women talken ing about women; there arent ere enough conversations about ns men, because in the end, women arent beating g themselves, theyre not raping themselves, and were not going to deal with these inequalities unless we understand what is frustratting and holding back our young men, says s Ibrahim. There may be much more work to be done, but there are also lso many signs that the west should reconsider its image of what African power ower looks like. Hannah Pool Hannah Pool is associate editor iate of Arise magazine
IN NUMBERS
A certain age
Michele Hanson
56%
Percentage of women in Rwandan parliament
42%
Percentage of women in South African parliament
22%
Percentage of female MPs in UK
Just to prove that Im not a silly, technophobic, nostalgic old bat, heres proof that the past was sometimes heaven compared with the present, at least for supply teachers. I know, because Ive been one. Its always been a tough job. Fielding, a teacher for his whole working life, swears hed rather clean the stinking fat o sewer walls than be a supply teacher. Kiddies prefer their usual teachers, with whom they have a relationship. Not some strange creature trying their absolute best to teach whatever subject theyve been lumped with. Like me, ordered to teach Bengali, science and CDT, about which I knew diddly-squit. But at least we had the council supply desk. What a sensible arrangement. The schools phoned in with what they needed, the regular pool of supplies rang to nd out, or the desk rang them, and everything went swimmingly, more or less. Then it all went to hell in a handcart. Private agencies started to take over, and sliced a chunk out of the teachers wages for themselves. I remember earning about 120 a day in the 1980s from the council pool, while agency supply teachers earned only about 70. Naturally I wouldnt want to tar them all with the same brush. Some agencies are probably saints, but in my experience, they were usually stinkers, such as ISS. Hiding oshore, based in the Channel Islands, ISS is an umbrella company employing thousands of supply teachers. Lucky them. They dont have to pay national insurance. Goodbye squillions in tax, hello heartless, greedy new privatised world. Thank heavens Im not a supply teacher any more.
Theatres London
Adelphi Theatre 0844 579 0094 PREVIEWS FROM TONIGHT
THE BODYGUARD
Mon-Sat 7.30pm, Wed & Sat 3pm www.thebodyguardmusical.com
CAMBRIDGE 08444124652 Roald Dahls
MATILDA THE MUSICAL

Tue7Wed-Sat7.30Wed&Sat2.30Sun3 www.matildathemusical.com
LYCEUM 0844 871 3000 book online www.thelionking.co.uk Disney Presents
PHOENIX THEATRE 08448717629
Shaftesbury Theatre 0207 379 5399
THE LION KING

Tue-Sat 7.30, Wed, Sat & Sun 2.30 For Group/Education rates call 08448717644 / Disney 02078450949
BLOOD BROTHERS FINAL WEEK-ENDS SAT

Piccadilly Theatre 0844 871 3055
ROCK OF AGES
THE SMASH HIT MUSICAL
Aldwych Theatre 0844 847 1712
TOP HAT
"A musical like this comes around once in a lifetime." Sunday Tel Tue-Sat 7.30, Tue,Thu & Sat 2.30 www.tophatonstage.com
Criterion Theatre 0844 847 2483 Londons Funniest Comedy
VIVA FOREVER!
LYRIC THEATRE 0844 412 4661
The 39 Steps
Mon-Sat 8pm, Wed 3pm, Sat 4pm
THRILLER LIVE!
Tue-Fri7.30, Sat 4&8, Sun 3.30&7.30 www,thrillerlive.com GIELGUD 0844 482 5130
Based on the songs of the Spice Girls Book by Jennifer Saunders From 27 November | 20-67.50 www.VivaForeverTheMusical.com
St James Theatre 0844 264 2140
DADDY LONG LEGS

A new musical Directed by John Caird www.stjamestheatre.co.uk
Ambassadors 08448 112 334
DOMINION 0844 847 1775
STOMP
Mon, Thu-Sat 8pm Thu, Sat & Sun 3pm, Sun 6pm
WE WILL ROCK YOU

by QUEEN & BEN ELTON Mon-Sat 7.30, Mat Sat 2.30 Extra show last Wednesday of every month at 2.30 www.wewillrockyou.co.uk
CHARIOTS OF FIRE
***** 'A magnificent triumph' Mail on Sunday Mon-Sat 19:45, Wed & Sat 15:00 chariotsoffireonstage.com New London Theatre 020 7452 3000 / 0844 412 4654
PINTER 0844 871 7622 ALAN AYCKBOURNS A CHORUS OF DISAPPROVAL achorusofdisapproval.com
St Martin's 08444 991515 60th year of Agatha Christie's
WAR HORSE
Warhorseonstage.com Prince Edward 0844 482 5152
THE MOUSETRAP
Evenings 7.30 Mats. Tues 3 Sat 4 www.the-mousetrap.co.uk
APOLLO THEATRE 0844 412 4658 TWELFTH NIGHT RICHARD III In repertoire Shakespearewestend.com
JERSEY BOYS
DRURY LANE 0844 871 8810
SHREK THE MUSICAL

Duchess Theatre 0844 412 4659
HER MAJESTY'S 0844 412 2707 THE BRILLIANT ORIGINAL
Winner Best Musical! Oliviers Tue-Sat 7.30,Tue&Sat 3pm, Sun 5pm NOVELLO 0844 482 5115 'ABBA-Solutely Fabulous' D.Mail
APOLLO VICTORIA 0844 847 1696
WICKED
WickedTheMusical.co.uk Mon-Sat 7.30pm Wed & Sat 2.30pm
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

Mon-Sat 7.30, Thu & Sat 2.30 www.ThePhantomOfTheOpera.com
Vaudeville Theatre 0844 412 4663 QUEEN'S 0844 482 5160
MAMMA MIA!
Mon-Sat 7.45, Thurs & Sat 3pm, www.Mamma-Mia.com
LES MISERABLES
WINNER! 2012 Olivier Audience Award Eves 7.30, Mats Wed & Sat 2.30 www.LesMis.com
UNCLE VANYA
Mon - Sat 7.30, Thu & Sat 2.30
OUR BOYS
Garrick 0844 412 4662 book online loservillethemusical.com OLD VIC 0844 871 7628 SHERIDAN SMITH
ARTS THEATRE 020 7836 8463 A Radio Play by Samuel Beckett Directed by Trevor Nunn
ALL THAT FALL

Cast includes Eileen Aitkins And Michael Gambon
LOSERVILLE the Musical

Mon-Sat 7.30pm, Wed & Sat 3pm Tickets from 10.00 - 49.50
London Palladium 0844 412 4655 TOMMY STEELE in THE SPECTACULAR MUSICAL
HEDDA GABLER
Mon-Sat 7.30pm, Wed & Sat 2.30pm Final week
Savoy Theatre 0844 871 7687 Will Young as Emcee Michelle Ryan as Sally Bowles
Wyndhams Theatre 0844 4825120
DREAMBOATS
& PETTICOATS
SCROOGE
CABARET
Entertainment
Style Q&A
Brogues for women were fashionable last year. But are they still fashionable this year? More importantly, do they actually look good? Madeleine, London So many issues, so little time, such clumpy shoes. I shall tackle each of your issues in turn, Madeleine. So, as you wisely observe, brogues were indeed fashionable last year, providing succour for women who longed for a at shoe that wasnt a ballet slipper, but breaking the hearts of hipster women who were horried that their footwear had gone mainstream. Women with legs like twigs and images of Alexa Chung dancing through their gamine heads beneath their thick choppy fringe wore their brogues with tights and short dresses. Women who take their style inspiration from Annie Hall as opposed to Twiggy paired theirs with trousers. And the rest of us stomped around and shivered in our rain-sodden ballet slippers. Now, the shoe industry aint no fool industry and they, like you, Madeleine, have been casting around for a new at shoe to as Will Ferrell says in Blades of Glory get the people going, or at least get the women shopping and keeping them ambulatory. Yes, brogues may have worked last autumn, but obviously a new at shoe must be found for this year in order to persuade women to spend more money. Like, duh! And the shoe that industry types have decided upon for autumn/winter 2012 is as anyone who has picked up a fashion magazine in the past three months knows slippers. Not actual slippers, of course, but shoes mocked up to look like posh old mans slippers, of the sort that I imagine Sesame Streets Alistair Cookie would wear on his feet (if Muppets had feet), replete with velvet and dinky tassels. Unfortunately, as I have noticed and as you have noticed and as the shoe people have denitely noticed, there arent quite as many women around who want to look like Alistair Cookie as there who want to look like Alexa Chung. I have yet to see anyone wearing a day slipper outside the pages of a magazine. Its like that scene in Mean Girls when Rachel McAdams has to reprimand her co-meanie who is trying to make fetch a new trendy word: Stop trying to make fetch happen! Rachel cries in exasperation. Magazines, stop trying to make slippers happen. The people dont want to look like Vincent Price. So, the brogue has hung on in there for this year and there is no fashion shame in wearing one. And there is good sense in this: its a sturdy shoe
Ask Hadley Yes, the brogues you wore last year are still in style but step carefully
A chunky brogue will make you look like a three-yearold playing dressup in your fathers closet
that keeps a gals feet warm, dry in the rain and, most importantly, keeps her mobile and upright. But choose with caution, ladies, choose with caution. Not all brogues are created equal. Personally, I am not a brogue person, but even I can see that a nice slim-cut brown brogue, adapted ever so slightly for women, is a ne and useful thing. Worn with a knee-length straight skirt or dress, or under a pair of trousers marvellous. A chunky one, though, will just make you look like a three-year-old child playing dressup in your fathers closet, ladies, and a two-tone eect makes you look as if youre paying
homage to Cab Calloway, and not really in a good way. But there is another issue to consider here, my fellow womenfolk, when it comes to brogues, and it has nothing to do with aesthetics. What about the men? Men, as we have discussed many times here before, have only so many safe items of clothing for themselves, and these are being seized by us in daily landgrabs. Boyfriend jeans, tartan button-down shirts were like Britain in the days of the empire, heartlessly snatching any random bit of beauty for ourselves and fashioning it to our image. Now, I like to play with gender fashion codes as much as the next fan of British fashion but let us ask ourselves, women, when will it end? Are we leaving men with nothing so they must wander the streets buck-naked? Are we so bereft of our own fashion ideas we have to nick theirs? And most of all, does this mean one day Ill be having to explain why the big fashion trend for women this year is wearing ones jeans down around ones thighs? You see brogues, Madeleine; I see a gateway drug. Walk in those brogues by all means, but walk with caution.
Post your questions to Hadley Freeman, Ask Hadley, The Guardian, Kings Place, 90 York Way, London N1 9GU. Email ask.hadley@guardian.co.uk
PHOTOGRAPH OF ALEXA CHUNG MARCUS DAWES/LFW THE DAILY
Arts
One nation under art

From Laurie Anderson to Cindy Sherman to Richard Serra, the giants of US art are backing Obama. But then, writes Jonathan Jones as he takes a cultural tour of Washington DC, Americas artists have always leaned left
he most political exhibition in the most political city in America currently occupies the circular galleries of the Hirshhorn Museum in Washington DC. As the US has been preparing to vote, the Hirshhorn has been showing work by Chinese artist and agitator Ai Weiwei, an exhibition that includes a load of rusty metal poles laid out on the oor, like a strange, monotonous rolling plain. These identical spindly struts come from schools that collapsed in the 2008 Sichuan earthquake. Ai Weiwei believes the deaths of thousands of children were caused by low-quality school buildings. On a gallery wall, he lists the names of the children who died. If you think this is a bit tangential to the US election, you have not been following its bitter rhetoric. In every TV debate between Republican candidate Mitt Romney and Democrat Barack Obama, the economic power of China has been an obsessive issue. Television campaigns have harped on about the wickedness of the country: one, which is not ocially acknowledged by either candidate, even portrays a secret meeting in China where sinister party cadres laugh at those American fools; Andy Warhols portrait of Mao hangs in their villainous bunker. Meanwhile, the Romney campaign, seeking to sow doubts among voters who credit Obama with bailing out the US auto
industry, claims Chrysler now plans to outsource jobs to China. Chrysler vociferously denies this. Ai Weiweis exhibition, no doubt accidentally, ts with this ramping up of anti-China sentiment. He believes in freedom. He believes in the individual. Indeed, you could almost say Ai Weiwei is more American and more antiChina in his politics than any of todays American artists. The ideals that he insists are universal are very much those of the country that still proudly calls itself the leader of the free world. So does this mean Ai Weiwei is in Romneys camp? Well, if that was true, hed be just about the only major artist who was. A short distance from the Hirshhorn, walking through autumn leaves, I come to the soaring obelisk that is the Washington Monument. Not only is this dedicated to freedom but it is also, like Ai Weiweis art, a minimalist masterpiece, despite being completed in the 19th century. Pure classical lines, no o decoration, a towering owering truth: this is the focal he point of a vast democracy that will tonight choose ht its leader. I can see, too, n the Lincoln Memorial, emorial, where Martin Luther King made his famous I have a dream speech. m And, hidden in the n trees around the he White House, I can
Artist Paul McCarthy has a naked mannequin of Obama in his oce
make out retrucks awaiting the presidential helicopter. American democracy is expressed in the neoclassical layout of Washington DC and its marble monuments. But what of the countrys artists? Do they have any political vision to oer in 2012? Four years ago, US art was galvanised by Obama. H got He galvanise ed their backing, nancially t their backi and vocally; he also voca inspired them. Shepard Faireys S Shepard poster, showing the Democrat candidates Democr face and (in its most eectiv version) the ective word HOPE, captured H the exhilaration of t the ex reborn liberal Amerrebor ica. It is, arguably,
Sister act Video: Adrian Searle talks to artists Jane and Louise Wilson guardian.co.uk/art
the most recognisable image created by a US artist this century. But Obama has not inspired any comparable mood in the 2012 election. Back then, he was a blank slate; now he is an embattled gure whose rst term can, by any standards, only be called a partial success. This does not mean he has no support in the art world far from it. To look on the great works of modern American art in Washingtons National Gallery is to see a veritable Olympus of Obama supporters. In its cool modern wing, I come face to face with the kind of ordinary, middleclass American both candidates are desperate to woo. Her name is Fanny and her face is 2.5m tall. Chuck Close painted this portrait with his ngers in 1985. A supporter of Obama, Close serves on the presidents Committee
Team Obama (clockwise from main) the president giving artist Jasper Johns the medal of freedom in 2011; a detail from Fanny/ Fingerpainting, 1985, by Chuck Close; Cindy Sherman, Richard Serra, and Laurie Anderson
for the Arts and Humanities, and his portrait of his late mother-in-law is an icon of US democracy, with a twist. The enlarged scale makes the face an emphatic celebration of individualism, but theres a warmth and tenderness to the work, too, a feeling of caring in no small way derived from Closes painstaking method of using a tinyscale grid to help him build up his minute ngermarks. It gives this ordinary citizen an air of vulnerability, one that can be read across the country as a whole. If Americans are scared of China, it is because they are aicted by a sense of national decline. The Republican response, articulated by Romney, is to reassert the can do spirit of free market America, while also promising to abolish such leftie notions as Obamas work in social health provision. This, he says, is the American way. But is that the true American character? The countrys art suggests otherwise, and not just in the portraiture of Close, with its grand sense of human frailty and the implication that we must care for one another. Sculptor Richard Serra is another artist said to be in the Obama camp, along with the subversive self-portraitist Cindy Sherman, the visionary abstract painter Brice Marden, the performance artist Laurie Anderson, and the architect Frank Gehry a gallery of living greats. As a headline in the Art Newspaper put it this summer: Obama wins the art worlds support. Of course, these are not the sort of celebrities politicians usually crave: Beyoncs endorsement of Obama is worth more. In fact, American art, despite being at the forefront of the avant garde in the 20th century, currently has few household names. Tracey Emins vote makes the news in Britain but mention leading US artist Paul McCarthy in Los Angeles, where he lives, and people will think you mean Paul McCartney. (For what its worth, McCarthy keeps a naked mannequin of Obama in his oce. I dont know if that counts as an endorsement or not.) Five Plates, Two Poles, a sculpture by Richard Serra in the Washington National Gallery, looks like a call to vote Obama. The massive, dangerous-looking steel plates, balanced precariously against each other, evoke Americas troubled industries; Serra uses steel mills to make his sculpture. Rust in
colour and blue collar in status, this mighty sculpture suggests not the power and glory of the Republican individual making millions and bestriding the world, but the dwarng of people by mighty machines and great cities. Running counter to the Republicans notion of a chosen land whose people dont need a supportive state (just low taxes and free markets), Serras work shows us the America its great artists have seen: a place of sorrow, suering and vulnerability, chronicled with compassion. A more human America. Even the dead guys seem to be voting Democrat. Jackson Pollocks 1950 masterpiece Lavender Mist keeps me coming back to the National Gallery. The skeins, strata, loops and scars on this beautiful web of colour speak of American freedom but it is a tragic freedom, the freedom of the blues and jazz that Pollock played as he painted. Within months of creating this lovely ri of a painting, this troubled man would surrender to his old demon, booze, and in a few years he was dead in a drunken car crash. No one was more in need of help than this great American artist and as a young man, he got it, helped by the art programme of the 1930s New Deal. Half a century before Pollock painted the blues, the sculptor Augustus Saint-Gaudens made a cast of his Shaw Memorial, portraying the Massachussetts 54th Regiment going o to die for freedom. His tribute to this AfricanAmerican soldiers, who fought for the anti-slavery cause in the civil war, now sits in the National Gallery. AfricanAmerican faces from a divided past bear witness to the fact that US history bears little resemblance to the Tea Party version promoted by the US right today in which the entire American story is boiled down to (white) people versus big government. If Romney loses the vote, it will probably be put down to racial demography as every non-white American votes for Obama. On the Shaw Memorial, you see the soldiers marching steadily towards an unknown future. Its a work that could be summed up in a single word: hope. If American art has a common theme, it is this deeply progressive impulse. It is why American artists, living and dead, vote Obama.
PHOTOGRAPH AP
Helen Oxenbury, illustrator

I rst heard the story when the Scottish folk singer Alison McMorland recorded a traditional song about a bear hunt and asked me to design the record cover. By coincidence, Michael Rosen and his editor knew the song, too, realised it would make a good childrens story and, without knowing about my record cover, asked if Id do the illustrations. Whats wonderful about it is that nothing is described in a way that restricts you. Michael had said he envisioned it as a king and queen and jester setting o to hunt a bear, but I immediately saw it as a group of children. Everyone thinks the eldest one is the father; in fact hes the older brother. I modelled them on my own children. I didnt want adults around
How we made... Were Going on a Bear Hunt I was taken into a darkened room to look at the pictures. I couldnt see what they had to do with a bear hunt
because they tend to stilt the imagination. The dog in the pictures was my own dog. Michael and I didnt meet until after the project was nished. He is the last person to inict ideas on people: he gave me a free hand. Usually I submit preliminary sketches that are made up into dummies, but for this book I did it all in one go. I got so involved I didnt want to break o to show anyone. The structure of the story was quite challenging. Finally, I came up with the idea of having black-andwhite drawings when the children were contemplating an action, and colour when they were actually doing it. I modelled the muddy scenes on the Suolk mudats where we have a boathouse.
swashy), or mud (squelch-squerch). I added a forest and a snowstorm. About 18 months later, I was taken into a darkened room and in the middle was a table, and on the table a pile of large homemade sheets of thick paper divided by coloured tissue. The editors peeled back the sheets, and I was stunned. First, they were such beautiful pictures. Second, I couldnt gure out what they had to do with a bear hunt. It looked like a family having a holiday in Cornwall. If I had had any image in my mind, it was some kind of street carnival with a bloke in a bear suit. Helens pictures were ures something completely dierent. The editors said this was one of the most amazing books they had ever ey seen. And I confess, I didnt get it. I dnt thought they were amazing zing pictures, but I couldnt gure out how it would work as a book. But I trust ust illustrators and editors to make books. Thats not what I do. The book came out, and it caused a massive stir, and I had to listen to people ple The rocky beach where the bears cave is was inspired by a holiday in Druidstone in Pembrokeshire. Im a terrible people-watcher. I go to a cafe every day, and sit and watch passers-by, and I draw on this remembered gallery of postures and expressions when Im working. The great challenge of illustration is how to convey emotion economically. It occurred to me three-quarters of the way through that the bear was all on his own in the cave, and might have wanted some company rather than to eat the children. I modelled his posture on the nal page on a friend who had depression and whose shoulders dropped when he walked. He actually recognised himself and the original now hangs on his wall. I modelled them on my own children Oxenburys illustrations for Were Going on a Bear Hunt
to hear why. What brilliant, clever Helen and the editors got and had created is that special thing that pictures books can do which is to narrate dierent stories in print and in pictures. The family saga isnt in the words. The words were designed for a kind of play-song that you act out as you sing it. The book is an insight into a drama being faced by what is actually quite a vulnerable group: ve children, a baby and a dog. Are the black-and-white pages reality, and the colour only what is in their imaginations? The end paper shows a bear who is humanoid. He/ she sh is clearly not very happy. Is that because he/ h she wanted to play? s When the family dash W home and all pile into h bed, are they really b regretful? Or was it all a re family game? This all comes fam from Helens imagination: its nothing whatsoever to n do with me. I enjoy and w admire the book almost as adm an outsider. ou Interviews by Anna Tims Interv
ILLUSTRATIONS 1989 HELEN OXENBURY. BY PERMISSION OF WALKER BOOKS, LTD
Michael Rosen, writer

The story seems to have been a folk song that circulated around American summer camps, sometimes with a lion instead of a bear. I heard it rst in the late 1970s and started to put it into my one-man poetry show. The editor of Walker Books, David Lloyd, saw me perform it and said it would make a great book. I said that he should write it down. He said I should. I said that he should. He said that I should. So I did. But the way I performed it didnt work, and it wasnt long enough. So I invented some words for the sounds of going through grass (swishy-
I modelled the bears posture on a friend who had depression
Arts
Thursday, 16 February, 2012

To Manchester where I am to have a walk-on part in a new TV version of my rst novel, A Very British Coup, about the overthrow of a radical, very leftwing prime minister. Not that this new series bears much resemblance to my book. Even the title has been changed to Secret State and the credits say inspired by rather than based on. Director Ed Fraiman has kindly agreed that I might have a walk-on part, a la Alfred Hitchcock. I thought he might reincarnate me as a backbench MP or even a minister; instead I am to be the vicar conducting a memorial service for the deceased PM (there is no body: he died in a suspicious plane crash).
Lights, camera, dog collar

When Secret State hits our screens tomorrow, watch out for the vicar its former MP Chris Mullin, who wrote the original book. Here, he chronicles his acting debut
Watch that tangled cassock below left, Chris Mullin with Charles Dance Good morning, sir? At rst this meets with resistance, but eventually it is decided to shoot both versions. I wait to see which, if any, survives. My cassock was designed for a taller man than me, with the result that, to walk anywhere, I have (to use a suitably biblical phrase) to gird my loins. Occasionally, I forget and nd myself entangled. At the rst speck of rain, someone appears with an umbrella. From time to time, a woman sprays my hair with lacquer, while someone else brushes the mud from my cassock. Yet another person from continuity snaps away with a digital camera. And then it is my turn again. I have to wait in the porch until everyone is inside the church, count to 10 and then make my way to the front, pausing to shake hands with a couple of mourners. I now nd myself at the lectern, facing the congregation, preparing to spout my remaining three lines. A tricky moment. Though I have learned them by heart, I am in fear of drying up, thereby destroying what is shaping up to be a promising acting debut. Happily, the director slides the relevant page of the script on to the lectern in front of me. As a result I am able to deliver my lines with condence and without much more than a downward glance. It is all over in a single take. Amazing. Everyone is very kind about my performance, but later the doubts begin to seep in. The hour was late and the director was anxious to wind up. Perhaps he has already decided to drop the scene, but cant bring himself to tell me. I shall have to wait until autumn to nd out.
Friday, 17 February
I nd myself sharing a car with Charles Dance and Gina McKee. Gina, it turns out, is the daughter of a Durham miner, who for a time lived in Sunderland, about a mile from where I live. We are driven to a leafy part of Cheshire popular with Premier League footballers and delivered to a trailer encampment alongside a decaying walled garden. Each actor is allocated a dressing room. There is a pecking order. The biggest stars get the swishest trailers. I share a small room with an actor who is playing a political correspondent. Each door is labelled with the screen name of the occupant. Thus the dressing room of Gabriel Byrne, the lead actor, is labelled with the name of the deputy PM, Tom Dawkins. The label on my door simply says: Vicar. A young woman from costume instructs me to don the uniform hanging in the wardrobe. Its the full monty: black suit, cassock, white surplice, purple stole, dog collar. Next she produces a bag of polished black shoes and invites me to select a pair. Finally, I am supplied with a watch. All vicars wear watches, it seems. Then makeup is liberally applied to prevent my bald forehead reecting the light. At 8am, we are driven to a 14thcentury church in Nether Alderley, where we are to lm the memorial service. The church noticeboard informs us that this is the constituency of George Osborne, who is, he says, at the disposal of any of his constituents, regardless of how they voted. The rectory was once the home of Neil and Christine Hamilton until they met their nemesis in the shapes of Mssrs Mohamed Al Fayed and Martin Bell. We are shown into the green room, a schoolhouse. The actors, all old hands, know each other by sight, if not by name. Charles shakes hands with Lia Williams. Her face rings a bell, but he cant quite place her. Have we worked
together before? Yes, she replies. In Birmingham. I was your wife. Today she is the head of MI5. Charles is the chief whip. I am to stand at the church gate and greet mourners. When the grieving widow arrives, I am to take her hand and accompany her to the church door. Next to me stands Rupert Graves. He is a senior member of the government, but he is not sure which. He buttonholes a passing production assistant. One question: am I the Chancellor or the Home Secretary? The scene is shot repeatedly, perhaps 10 times. Then we move to the church door where I am to greet Gabriel, the acting PM, who sweeps down the path accompanied by stony-faced protection ocers and the head of MI5, with whom he is in a whispered, deeply serious conversation. The party is preceded by a camera crew, walking backwards. When they reach me, the scrum miraculously parts, conversation ceases, and Gabriel looks at me meaningfully. At this point, I am to utter the rst of my four humble sentences: Hello, Charles always spoke highly of you. Charles is the dead PM. Gabriel replies: Thank you, vicar. After four or ve takes, I make so bold as to point out that its not very likely a vicar, confronted with the acting PM, would simply say: Hello. How about:
Saturday, 20 October
I have been sent a preview. Gabriel looks suitably grave and prime ministerial. Charles is suitably sinister. Gina is radiant as the whistle-blowing journalist. It races along with great speed and credibility. Soon we are at the memorial service. And sure enough, there I am in my full vicars gear. The camera lingers for all of ve seconds. And thats it. Gone is my much-lmed walk to the church door with the widow. Gone my brief exchange with the acting PM. Gone my three precious sentences praising the dead PM. (Gone, too, a 20-strong choir.) So thats it. My acting career lasted all of ve seconds. But, hey, who cares? Its a great lm.
Secret State starts on Channel 4 at 10pm tomorrow. Chris Mullins novel, now titled Secret State, is published by Serpents Tail, price 7.99 and is out now.
Television
ichard Hammonds Miracles of Nature (BBC1) investigated miracle animals and the inventions inspired by them. Actually the animals are fairly ordinary nothing you couldnt see in a zoo but their bodies are built along lines that may have practical applications for us humans. As Hammond put it: A lot of the problems were trying to solve have already been solved ... brief, Clarksonesque pause ... by evolution. For example, the body of a Cape vulture too big for its wingspan, in theory gives them the ability to manoeuvre inside and between thermals, allowing them to travel up to 100 miles a ight. Hammond demonstrates by strapping himself to a paraglider and stepping o a South African cli. Hammond puts himself in harms way a lot, and part of the fun stems from what appears to be genuine reluctance. If you dislike Hammond (personally, I nd him the least oensive of the Top Gear triumvirate), this can work on another level for you. The vulture design has been incorporated into a new submarine upsidedown, because youre trying to keep the craft under the surface rather than up in the air. Hammond has a go in the sub, too. You probably understand how the programme works by now. It was perfectly entertaining fascinating, in places but not scientically taxing, a combination to which I nd myself increasingly susceptible. And it made its point without dwelling on the obvious fact that a lot of what we know about how animals are built comes from killing them and pulling them apart. I liked the mechanical girae rigged up by a waterhole to demonstrate what should happen every time a girae bends down to take a drink. Its head should explode o like a cork. It doesnt, because a giraes arteries constrict automatically to stop all the blood rushing down its neck. This mech-
Lightbulb moment Richard Hammonds Miracles of Nature The lightbulb still worked. All that, and a mobile phone that can survive being dropped into a toilet. Whats not to like? I watched most of Nigel Slater: Life is Sweets (BBC4) with a lump the size of a humbug in my throat. The cookery writer set o to investigate why something as simple as a sweet can help us time-travel so evocatively. Nigella Lawson, who was briey drafted in to support his theory, alleged that for Britons the boiled sweet was the equivalent of Prousts madeleine. Then she apologised for being so pretentious. I didnt think this was going to be my sort of thing at all. Im not British, so I dont get very excited by the thought of buying Pontefract cakes by weight. The idea of a proper sweet shop with glass jars and scales stirs up wells of peevish impatience in me. But Slater visited one in the company of a charming sweet expert, Tim Richardson, who revealed their pharmaceutical roots (they were actual roots, in many cases, coated in sugar to preserve them), and vouchsafed the fact that in Victorian times jelly babies were known as unclaimed babies. This information did not deter Slater from resuming his childhood habit of biting their heads o. There arent many areas of life where you can legitimately bite the head o a baby, said Richardson. Slaters relationship with his past has always seemed raw, and it was his investigation of his own childhood that produced the humbug-sized lump. After his mother died when he was nine, he told a psychologist, his father took to leaving marshmallows on the boys bedside table every night. They were, said Slater, the closest to a goodnight kiss his father could manage. And that was enough? said the psychologist. No, said Slater.
Last night's TV Fascinating, but not at all taxing just how I like my science programmes
By Tim Dowling
anism is replicated in a new ightsuit enabling a test pilot to experience a force of 9g without blacking out. In fact he was able to complete a Rubiks Cube while whizzing round in a centrifuge. Hammond then travelled to the Black Rock Desert to test a protective capsule designed like a woodpeckers head it looked nothing like a woodpeckers head, by the way which withstands 1,200g with every peck, without scrambling the birds brain. Into the capsule, Hammond placed a lightbulb. I wouldnt expect this to survive a fall from a kitchen worktop, he said. Were going to drop it ... trademark pause ... from space. It took them so long to nd where the capsule smashed into the desert that they had to post it to Hammond later weirdly, swaddled in bubblewrap.
PHOTOGRAPH BBC/OXFORD SCIENTIFIC FILMS
AND ANOTHER THING
Im gearing up for a very long election night. Whatever the result, Ill be t for nothing on Wednesday.
TV and radio
Fil Film of the day Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (10pm, Sky 1) Do Can Average Joes pathetic dodgeball team, thrown together by Ca Vince Vaughn, beat smarmy exercise entrepreneur Ben Stillers Vin musclemen? Lots of laughs in this likable slapstick comedy. mu
BBC1
6.0pm BBC News (S) (Followed by Weather.) 6.30 Regional News Programmes (S) (Followed by Weather.)
BBC2
6.0pm Eggheads (R) (S) 6.30 Strictly Come Dancing It Takes Two (S) Hosted by Zoe Ball. 7.0 Great British Food Revival (S) (AD) Angela Hartnett challenges a group of women to swap wine for beer. Meanwhile, Michael Caines celebrates the charms of the British carrot.
ITV1
6.0pm Local News (S) (Followed by Weather.) 6.30 ITV News And Weather (S)
Channel 4
6.0pm The Simpsons (R) (S) (AD) Bart saves the life of a sickly calf. 6.30 Hollyoaks (S) Mitzeee nds herself homeless. 7.0 Channel 4 News (S) 7.55 4thought.tv (S) Muslim sociologist Leon Mossavi claims it is a mistake to think of all soldiers as role models.
Fresh Meat, Channel 4
Watch this
Britain On Film: A Womans Place 8.30pm, BBC4
Between 1959 and 1969, the special features division of Rank produced short documentaries to serve as curtain-raisers for the main feature at their cinemas. They were called the Look At Life series and, taken as a whole, now amount to an invaluably guileless contemporary record of Britain in the 60s. This episode focuses on the depictions of women in the lms which, given the period chronicled, were equal parts the early stirrings of feminism, and the strictures and stereotypes the movement sought to overturn. Andrew Mueller new series opener, Heston says he wants to remind us that breakfast is more important than a lie-in although hes unlikely to get the Commons debating gigantic boiled eggs, supersized Shreddies, and general Georges Marvellous Medicine-style tomfoolery. Fantastical Food is best consumed at face value: a fun CBeebies-style romp to make us feel like kids again, presented by a bloke who looks like Brains from the Weetabix gang. Ali Catterall
7.0 The One Show (S) Presented by Matt Baker and Alex Jones. 7.30 EastEnders (S) (AD) Sharon and Phil pose as a couple for social services. (Followed by BBC News; Regional News.)
7.0 Emmerdale (S) (AD) 7.30 Live UEFA Champions League (S) Manchester City v Ajax (Kick-o 7.45pm). Adrian Chiles presents coverage of the Group D match at the Etihad Stadium.
8.0 Holby City (S) (AD) Jonny is stuck between Mo and Jac when they disagree over a dicult diagnosis.
8.0 MasterChef: The Professionals (S) Five of the 10 chefs from yesterdays heat return to face a skills test of butterying sardines and making dauphinoise potatoes.
8.0 George Clarkes Amazing Spaces (S) Featuring a couple who have spent their savings on a prototype modular holiday home.
9.0 The Paradise (S) (AD) Denise helps the Tollgate Street Traders compete against the power of the Paradise.
9.0 Dara O Briains Science Club (S) (AD) New series. The comedian is joined by a team of experts to investigate a subject each week, beginning with a look at the worlds of reproduction and inheritance. 10.0 Later Live With Jools Holland (S) Guests include Soundgarden, Two Door Cinema Club and Bat for Lashes. 10.30 Newsnight (S) Jeremy Paxman reports from Washington DC. 11.20 Space Dive (R) (S) Focusing on Felix Baumgartners recordbreaking parachute jump in October, when he became the rst person to freefall through the sound barrier. 10.0 ITV News At Ten And Weather (S) 10.30 Local News/ Weather (S) 10.35 UEFA Champions League: Extra Time (S) Highlights and reaction to tonights four xtures. 11.35 America Decides 2012 (S) Alastair Stewart presents live throughthe-night coverage of the US presidential election results.
9.0 Hestons Fantastical Food (S) New series. Heston Blumenthal supersizes all manner of food, including the worlds largest boiled egg, epic cereal and metre-long sausages.
Fresh Meat 10pm, Channel 4

Josie coaxes Heather into a boozy girls night out just before their rst practical exam, and the resulting carnage results in the house being burgled. Most things are replaceable, except JPs dads ashes. Theres worse to come for Josie whose hungover, shaking hands cause a horric dentistry mishap. Elsewhere, Vod has designs on handyman Al, who comes to x the locks and ends up becoming JPs local friend and a suspect in Howards investigation into the burglary. Hannah Verdier Hannah
Dara Briains Science Club 9pm, BBC2

With a maths and theoretical physics degree, Dara Briain is the go-to comedian if you want to do science in a light-hearted way. He obviously has a scientic brain, as demonstrated in his previous show, School Of Hard Sums. With this new series, a team of scientists helps him tackle a dierent subject each week (sex, Einstein and brain chemistry, to name a few), with in-depth discussion, exploratory reports and, worryingly, a lively studio audience. Martin Skegg
10.0 BBC News (S) 10.25 Regional News And Weather (S) 10.35 Imagine (S) Prole of crime writer Ian Rankin, following him over six months as he writes his new novel.
10.0 Fresh Meat (S) (AD) Josie makes a catastrophic error. 10.50 Random Acts (S) DJ Kentaro provides a lesson in the art of mixing. 10.55 Homeland (R) (S) (AD) Brody is a prisoner again.
11.35 US Election Night 2012 (S) Presented by David Dimbleby. With analysis and speculation from Emily Maitlis and Jeremy Vine.
Radio
Radio 3
90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30 Breakfast. Sara Mohr-Pietsch introduces favourite pieces, notable performances and a few surprises. 9.0 Essential Classics. With Sarah Walker. Including the Essential CD of the Week: Virtuoso and Romantic Encores for Violin, performances by Frans Bruggen and this weeks guest, physicist Athene Donald. 12.0 Composer Of The Week: Mendelssohn. Donald Macleod continues his exploration of Mendelssohns nal seven
Hestons Fantastical Food 9pm, Channel 4

When Jamie Oliver sought to change the eating habits of British schoolchildren, it resulted in motions being passed in parliament. In this
Dara Briains Science Club, BBC2
years, as the composer renegotiates his contract with the King of Prussia and renews his links with Leipzig. 1.0 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. In a concert given at LSO St Lukes London, the Nash Ensemble performs Mendelssohns Andante and Scherzo for string quartet and Brahms Clarinet Quintet in B minor. (R) 2.0 Afternoon On 3. Louise Fryer continues the focus on Dutch orchestras and ensembles with performances by the Netherlands Radio Chamber Philharmonic and the Royal Concertgebouw. 4.30 In Tune. Sean Raerty presents live music by jazz singer Gwyneth Herbert, plus soprano Aoife Miskelly and pianist William Vann ahead of their recital for the
Belfast Music Society. 6.30 Composer Of The Week: Mendelssohn. (R) 7.30 Radio 3 Live In Concert. Violinist Riccardo Minasi directs an all-Italian team in cantatas and arias by Vivaldi, with contralto Sonia Prina and recently formed baroque orchestra Il Pomo dOro. 10.0 Free Thinking. Anne McElvoy chairs a debate at the Radio 3 Free Thinking Festival, asking whether social mobility is overrated. The panel includes Polly Toynbee, Lawrence Goldman and Jamie Whyte. 10.45 The Free Thinking Essay: New Generation Thinkers. Adriana Sinclair gives a talk on the control that ex-colonies increasingly exert over their former rulers, recorded at the Free Thinking Festival. 11.0 Late Junction. Max
Reinhardt presents music from Korea, a remix by Geese, Chapelier Fous musical sketch of Fritz Lang and Astral Adjustments from Center of the Universe. 12.30 Through The Night. Including music by Beethoven, Dvorak, Tchaikovsky, Handel, Grainger, Rachmaninov, Corelli, Messiaen, Schubert, Ranta, Gluck, Glinka, Debussy, Auber, Mozart, Janacek and Purcell.
Radio 4
92.4-94.6 MHz; 198kHz

6.0 Today. 8.31 (LW) Yesterday In Parliament. 8.58 (LW) Weather 9.0 (LW) The Long View. Exploring topical issues through history. 9.0 (FM) The Long View. New series. Exploring
Full TV listings For comprehensive programme details see the Guardian Guide every Saturday or go to tvlistings.guardian.co.uk/
Channel 5
6.0pm Home And Away (R) (S) (AD) Brax tries desperately to get through to Casey. 6.30 5 News At 6.30 (S) 7.0 Highland Emergency (S) An RAF crew is called out to rescue a 68-yearold woman who has a broken femur. 7.30 Highland Emergency (S) (Followed by News Update.) 8.0 Rolfs Animal Clinic (S) Neil Townsend operates on a horse that has seriously infected sinuses. Meanwhile, two pythons are given MRI scans. (Followed by 5 News At 9.)
BBC3
BBC4
More4
6.20pm Come Dine With Me (R) (S) Peterborough is the setting for this issue.
Atlantic
6.0pm House (R) A 12-year-old patient claims that his illness is the result of a curse placed upon him by a ouija board. 7.0 House (R) A company boss is admitted with unexplained paralysis. Starring Hugh Laurie and Chi McBride.
Other channels
E4 6.0pm The Big Bang Theory. Leonard and Penny discuss their future together. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory. Sheldon learns his friends tampered with the Arctic expedition data. 7.0 Hollyoaks. Mitzeee receives startling news. 7.30 How I Met Your Mother. Robin tries to nd a job. 8.0 How I Met Your Mother. Barney prepares for his wedding to a mystery bride. 8.30 The Big Bang Theory. Sheldon misses an opportunity to meet Stan Lee. 9.0 New Girl. The atmates celebrate Thanksgiving. 9.30 Suburgatory. Dallas celebrates the opening of her new store. 10.0 Tool Academy: Boyfriends Behaving Badly. The couples focus on trust. 11.0 The Inbetweeners. The lads visit a Caravan Club meeting. 11.35 The Inbetweeners. Will organises the Christmas prom. Film4 6.55pm Love Happens. Romantic drama, starring Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston. 9.0 A Time To Kill. Courtroom drama, with Samuel L Jackson and Matthew McConaughey. 11.55 Comrades. Historical drama, starring Robin Soans. FX 6.0pm Leverage. The team tries to perform the ultimate con. 7.0 NCIS. An assassin targets a government witness on a ight. 8.0 NCIS. Terrorists threaten to detonate a crude nuclear device. 9.0 True Blood. Sookie and Jason visit the site of their parents deaths. 10.0 American Horror Story: Asylum. An exorcism goes terribly wrong. 11.0 Family Guy. Peter tries to convert Chris to Judaism. 11.30 Family Guy. Peter and Lois go on a second honeymoon. 12.0 American Dad! Steve and his friends nd a CIA drone in his fathers study. ITV2 6.0pm The Jeremy Kyle Show USA. The host takes his successful talk-show stateside. 7.0 The Cube. A man from Derby and a paramedic take up the challenge. 8.0 Land Of The Lost. Comedy adventure, starring Will Ferrell. 10.0 Celebrity Juice. A Halloween-themed edition with Abbey Crouch, Yvette Fielding, Fazer and Joe 12.0 A Collection Of Bones 12.15 The Matrix 12.30 Weird Tales 1.0 The Saint 2.0 The News Quiz Extra 2.45 Creme De La Crime 3.0 Lost Empires 4.0 Married Love 4.15 To Serve Them All My Days 5.0 Second Thoughts 5.30 Semi Circles Swash. 10.45 Lemon La Vida Loca. Keith hits the gym as he tries to get t for a photoshoot. 11.30 Lemon La Vida Loca. Keith disappears in Spain. Last in the series. Sky1 6.0pm Futurama. Bender nds fame on TV. 6.30 The Simpsons. Marge allows her hair to turn grey. 7.0 The Simpsons. Lisa has to share a room with Bart. 7.30 The Simpsons. Bart is knocked down by Mr Burns car. 8.0 Last Resort. Kendal is drawn into a battle above ground. 9.0 Strike Back: Vengeance. The team races to locate and disarm Knoxs nuclear weapons. Last in the series. 10.0 Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. Sporting comedy, starring Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn. 11.50 Brit Cops: Frontline Crime UK. The work of police ocers in Devon and Cornwall. Sky Arts 1 6.0pm Spectacle: Elvis Costello. Music and chat series hosted by the musician and songwriter. 7.0 Art Of The Heist. The theft of a golden headdress from a Peruvian tomb. 8.0 Living The Life. With actresses Brenda Fricker and Anna Friel. 9.0 Romanzo Criminale. Sorcio informs on Dandi, Freddo, Buoni, Fierolochio and Scrocchiazeppi. 10.0 Romanzo Criminale. Buoni kills Freddos brother Gigio after being released from prison. Last in the series. 11.0 Coldplay: Live In Sydney. The band perform at the Hordern Pavilion. TCM 6.40pm How Green Was My Valley. Oscar-winning drama, starring Walter Pidgeon. 9.0 Before Sunset. Romantic drama sequel, starring Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. 10.30 Broadcast News. TV newsroom comedy, starring Holly Hunter.
7.0pm Total Wipeout (R) (S) Twenty more contestants hurl themselves at the purpose-built obstacle course.
7.0pm World News Today (S) 7.30 Amazon: Unnatural Histories (R) (S) (AD) How evidence of ancient man-made structures deep in the Amazon rainforest could change perceptions. 8.30 Britain On Film: A Womans Place (S) New series about Look At Life, a series of short, topical lms made between 1959 and 1969, which reected shifts in the position of women in British society. 9.0 Food In England: The Lost World Of Dorothy Hartley (S) Lucy Worsley focuses on the writer, whose 1954 book Food In England documented how farmers and labourers produced and prepared food. 10.0 Timeshift: Bread A Loaf Aair (R) (S) Examining the story of the loaf in Britain and the changes of social habits in buying and consuming bread.
7.30 Hughs 3 Good Things (S) Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall uses tomatoes in recipes with clams, slow-roasted shoulder of lamb and lightly cured grey mullet.
8.0 Free Speech: US Election Special (S) Jake Humphrey presents a debate in Colchester, focusing on issues raised by the candidates on the US campaign trail.
8.0 Grand Designs (R) (S) (AD) Kevin McCloud revisits a couple whose plans to transform a concrete water tower into a contemporary home left him aghast.
8.0 Friday Night Lights (S) New series. Freshman JD McCoy makes a good impression and Tami takes on the challenge of being Dillon High Schools new principal.
9.0 Body Of Proof (S) A nanny is run over and killed while trying to stop the ve-year-old boy in her care from being kidnapped.
9.0 Dont Tell The Bride Goes Global (S) Highlights from other countries versions of the show.
9.0 Sarah Beenys Selling Houses (S) The presenter helps three homeowners in Guildford to improve the saleability of their properties.
9.0 Awake (R) (S) Britten prepares to move to Oregon with Hannah, but a mysterious message convinces him that he needs to stay in Los Angeles.
10.0 CSI: NY (R) (S) (AD) The detectives investigate the death of a woman who was fooled into ingesting caustic soda.
10.0 Some Girls (S) New comedy series following 16-yearold Viva as she faces problems growing up on a south London estate. 10.30 EastEnders (R) (S) (AD)
10.0 The Girl Who Became Three Boys (R) (S) The story of a 21-year-old woman, currently serving 30 months in jail after inventing three online male alter egos that she used to seduce two teenage girls. 11.05 Embarrassing Bodies (R) (S) Dr James Logan continues his 60-day experiment living with a hookworm in his intestine.
10.0 House Of Lies (S) Marty has a showdown at Roscoes school when his son is accused of sexual harassment for trying to kiss a boy. 10.35 Nurse Jackie (S) Mike implements a uniform change. 11.10 Mad Men (R) (S) Don is still staying at the Roosevelt Hotel while Betty tries to cope alone at home.
11.0 CSI: NY (R) (S) (AD) The death of a bridal shop customer appears to be connected to the rape and murder of a subway musician. 11.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (R) (S) (AD)
topical issues through history. 9.30 In Alistair Cookes Footsteps. New series. Alvin Hall revisits the broadcasters popular programme Letter from America. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book Of The Week: On Wheels. Michael Holroyds memoir revealing his experience of learning to drive. 10.0 Womans Hour. 11.0 Saving Species. The Scottish wildcat and the bearded tooth fungus. 11.30 Swansong. The story behind Driving to Damascus by Big Country. 12.0 News 12.04 Call You And Yours. 12.57 Weather 1.0 The World At One. 1.45 Foreign Bodies. Ian Rankin discusses the relevance of his DI John Rebus novels. 2.0 The Archers. Fallon steps up to the plate. (R)
11.0 Family Guy (R) (S) Peter loses his wallet at a Barry Manilow concert, where it is found by actor James Woods. 11.25 Family Guy (R) (S) Brian invites Peter and Lois to Marthas Vineyard for a holiday.
2.15 Afternoon Drama: Warrior Class. By Kenneth Lin, adapted, directed and produced by Judith Kampfner. 3.0 Making History. With Tom Holland, Helen Castor and Fiona Watson. 3.30 Mastertapes. John Wilson talks to Suzanne Vega. 4.0 Law In Action. Tensions over the issues of extradition and votes for prisoners. Last in the series. 4.30 A Good Read. With Neil Pearson and Wilfred Emmanuel-Jones. 5.0 PM. 5.57 Weather 6.0 Six OClock News 6.30 Rudys Rare Records. Adams surprise birthday present for his father backres. 7.0 The Archers. Nic oers the voice of reason. 7.15 Front Row. An interview with Amour director Michael Haneke.
11.0 Timeshift: Klezmer (R) (S) The evolution of the music genre, from its Jewish folk origins to its current worldwide presence. Narrated by Michael Grade.
Before Sunset, TCM

Daily 1.50 Sports News 2.0 Newshour 3.0 World Brieng 3.30 Outlook 4.0 News 4.06 The Documentary 4.30 Sport Today 5.0 World Brieng 5.30 World Business Report 6.0 World Have Your Say 7.0 World Brieng 7.30 Click 7.50 From Our Own Correspondent 8.0 News 8.06 The Documentary 8.30 The Strand 8.50 Witness 9.0 Newshour 10.0 News 10.30 World Business Report 11.0 World Brieng 11.30 Business Daily 11.50 Witness 12.0 World Brieng 12.30 Click 12.50 Sports News 1.0 World Brieng 1.30 World Business Report 1.50 From Our Own Correspondent 2.0 News 2.06 The Documentary 2.30 Outlook 3.0 Newsday 3.30 The Strand 3.50 Witness 4.0 Newsday 4.30 Click 4.50 From Our Own Correspondent 5.0 Newsday
7.45 (LW) The Righteous Sisters. By Jane Purcell. 7.45 (FM) The Righteous Sisters. By Jane Purcell. 8.0 File On 4. The reported link between NHS failings and the deaths of vulnerable patients. 8.40 In Touch. Presented by Peter White. 9.0 All In The Mind. Psychology and psychiatric issues. 9.30 The Long View. Exploring topical issues through history. 9.59 Weather 10.0 The World Tonight. 10.45 Book At Bedtime: The Cleaner Of Chartres. By Salley Vickers. 11.0 Arthur Smiths Balham Bash. Comedy and music. 11.30 Today In Parliament. Sean Curran presents. 12.0 America Decides. Coverage of the American presidential election. 12.30 Book Of The Week: (LW)
On Wheels (R) 12.48 (LW) Shipping Forecast 1.0 (LW) America Decides. Live coverage of Americas 2012 Presidential debate. 5.20 (LW) Shipping Forecast 5.30 (LW) America Decides. Live coverage of Americas 2012 Presidential debate. 5.57 Prayer For The Day. With the Rev Canon Dr Sam Wells.
Radio 4 Extra
Digital only
6.0 The Saint 7.0 Semi Circles 7.30 Rudys Rare Records 8.0 The Goon Show 8.30 Listen To Les 9.0 The News Quiz Extra 9.45 Creme De La Crime 10.0 Lost Empires 11.0 Married Love 11.15 To Serve Them All My Days 12.0 The Goon Show
12.30 Listen To Les 1.0 The Saint 2.0 South Riding 2.15 Laurence LlewelynBowens Men Of Fashion 2.30 Born Brilliant: The Life Of Kenneth Williams 2.45 A Kestrel For A Knave 3.0 Lost Empires 4.0 The 4 OClock Show 5.0 Second Thoughts 5.30 Semi Circles 6.0 A Collection Of Bones 6.15 The Matrix 6.30 Weird Tales 7.0 The Goon Show 7.30 Listen To Les 8.0 The Saint 9.0 Married Love 9.15 To Serve Them All My Days 10.0 Comedy Club: Rudys Rare Records 10.30 Such Rotten Luck 11.0 Acropolis Now 11.30 Lionel Nimrods Inexplicable World
World Service
Digital and 198 kHz after R4

8.30 Business Daily 8.50 Sports News 9.0 News 9.06 The Documentary 9.30 The Strand 9.50 Witness 10.0 World Update 11.0 World, Have Your Say 11.30 Discovery 11.50 From Our Own Correspondent 12.0 News 12.06 Outlook 12.30 The Strand 12.50 Witness 1.0 News 1.06 The Documentary 1.30 Business
Puzzles
On the web For tips and all manner of crossword debates go to guardian.co.uk/crosswords
Quick crossword no 13,259

Across
1 Cause to get stuck (in soft mud?) (4) 3 Branch of maths dealing with dierentiation and integration (8) 8 Object (4) 9 Horses eyeshades? (8) 11 Irrefutable evidence (of a shooting?) (7,3) 14 Drug with an opium base (6) 15 Collection of star systems (made of chocolate?) (6) 17 Grossly unconventional (3,3,4) 20 Plant with showy owers fax to lad (anag) (8) 21 Kind of cat (4) 22 Homeless feline (5,3) 23 Female opera star (4)
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Sudoku no 2337
3 1 2 6
4 8 9 2 5 4 7 6 1
Want more? Access over 4,000 archive puzzles at guardian.co.uk/crossword. Buy all four Guardian quick crosswords books for only 20 inc UK p&p (save 7.96). Visit guardianbooks.co.uk or call 0330 333 6846.
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6 1 3 9 7 8 9
Down
1 Leaet sent to a large group at the same time (8) 22 2 Bombast speechcraft (8) 4 Aver maintain (6) 18 (In Ancient Greece) 5 (In grammar) inected a walkway with a roof verb systematically do supported by colonnades get Cajun (anag) (10) (4) 6 Art song told porkies (4) 19 Round object (4) 7 Ribbon worn over the Stuck? For help call 0906 751 0039 or text shoulder (4) GUARDIANQ followed by a space, the day and date the crossword appeared another space and 10 Evenly divided (5-5) the CLUE reference to 85010 (e.g GUARDIANQ 12 Exotic Dutch dancer, Wednesday24 Down20). Calls cost 77p a minute from a BT Landline. Calls from other networks executed by the French as may vary and mobiles will be considerably higher. a German, 1917 (4,4) Texts cost 50p a clue plus standard network 13 Word blindness (8) charges. Service supplied by ATS. Call 0844 836 9769 for customer service (charged at local rate, 16 Layers (6)
2p a min from a BT landline).
5 6 4 8
Solution to no 2336
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23
Solution no 13,258
SECR N E WOM B R U SMA T O QUAR S E C F L C I V I J N L I TE ETSERV I CE R C I H ANO I NT ED G L E W T ER I NG D A L RY J ARGON O V I R C UM F L E X A R L L L I AN I RON T E N R RARYAGENT
Medium. Fill the grid so that each row, column and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9. Printable version at guardian.co.uk/sudoku
Stuck? For help call 0906 751 0036. Calls cost 77p a minute from a BT Landline. Calls from other networks may vary and mobiles will be considerably higher. Service supplied by ATS. Call 0844 836 9769 for customer service (charged at local rate, 2p a min from a BT landline). Free tough puzzles at www.puzzler. com/guardian
Doonesbury If...
Steve Bell
Garry Trudeau

The Guardian G2 06.11.2012

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Feather and teepees

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