A Physrcs of Mlddle-earth

Jenny Coombs and Marc Read

(delivered by Marc Read)`~

Abstract:This paper takes a light-heartedlook at how far one can go in applying primary world science
to Middle-earth. Tolkien purists and physics purists may wish to pass over this! Keywords: foresight, genetics, palantiri, physics, sight, swords, technology
Tolkien wrote in Letter 210 that I dislike _ . . any pull
scientication towards . . _No analysis in any laboratory would discover chemical properties of lembas that made it

moreconfusing why otherraces do age and die than why the

surprisingis the total immunity of the elves to disease. It seems that one or the other of these factors can be inherited in those of mixed blood, who are longer-lived than their
purely human contemporaries. First-bom do not. Our cells gradually stop renewing themselves: the Elves just stay as good as new. More

of wheat-meal." However, he also wrote, in Letter 131, that his works should leave scope for
superiorto other cakes
other minds and hands, wielding paint and music and drama."Yes; and why not science? There seem to be at least two ways of going about a earth different from the world that we inhabit today. We can attempt to explain away magic by showing how the

scientic analysis of the variousfeaturesthatmake Middle-

this longevity is due toaresistance to disease oranextension

It is a debatable point whether

of the time until cell renewal begins to break down, or both. The tolerance of various races to disease is highly
questionable, since we don't seem to have any records

seemingly magical effects could, in fact, be produced by the

This is the approach which is favoured by my co-author.The other way is merely to provide new scientic laws to govem

of

operationof the physical laws that we all know and love.

individuals' (as opposed to entire populations)falling prey

to natural illnesses. But back to Elves. Elven eyesight is known to be very good. Legolas can spot
an

Middle-earth: and

well, so much for the idea that Middle-earthand our world

are one and the same. Perhaps there is a middle way, and this

if these clash

with the ones that we use,

descriptions of Eomers ored at a distance of ve leagues.

though

orc-host at twelve leagues, and give fairly detailed

This is remarkable,and highly embarrassingfor Aragom,

is the one that I prefer. Under this approach we can explain those things which tneatly with our science, and plead lack

Gimli refuses to be impressed. Resolving power depends on the width of the apertureand the wavelength of
the light observed. A back-of-the-envelopecalculation

of informationinstead of explaining the

information eitheraboutphysics,or about Middle-earth. We can put some

others - lack

It is

of

into this mould that this paper most easily falls. We shall discuss the worth of this whole schemelater in the paper.

Legolas used only (always the best sort) established that visible light, he would have been a bug-eyed monster, to the extent of having eyes on stalks in order to t in a humanto redraw their lifes work, we concluded that Elves have more of the high-frequency spectrum available to them. Assuming resolution of half a metre at fteen miles, and a

if

looking at some quirks of biology, science and technologyin Middle-earth. It is true that our title claims to examine

principles into operation by looking more closely at the information that we are given about the various races ofMiddle-earth, and this is what we intend to do to in this paper. Elves, dwarves, hobbits and men each have their own peculiarities. Here we shall be

of these

shaped face. Rather than force all known Tolkien illustrators

roughly human-sized pupil, we nd that their visible spectrum extends to about l70nm, or 2000 THz-impossibly

physics,but titles of papers often prove deceptive. Anyway,

Science

is either physics or stamp-collecting, in the words of Rutherford,and neither of us indulges in philately.

into the ultra-violet - and this is not really so improbable. Many insects can see UV; as indeed could humans only

high energy. Maybe the tale grew in the telling, butthis does not affect our main point: that Elves could see well at least

would rather not do). They can intermarry with men and produce fertile offspring, and thusthey are the same species, by denition. I rather fancy that any man attempting to infomrElves aboutthis matterofdenitionwould reduce his differences from us, the most obvious being thatthey do not die. However strange this may at rst appear, it is much
life-expectancy dramatically. However, they have physical

works will lead anyone to thatconclusion, especially we think about the Elves of The Hobbit (which I suspectthat we

Elves are strange. Even the most cursory reading of the

if

their lenses were removed (our receptors respond to high frequenciesbut they are blocked by our lenses). All that is requiredthereforeis for Elven lenses to transmithighenergy

if

electromagnetic waves. Increased resolution also requires higher-density retinal receptors - but this is a purely physiologicalpoint and therefore not signicant. Something else is remarkable about Legolass sighting of
the riders. He can see that there are 105 men galloping across the plains (possibly including Eomer). is possible that he

It

was merely countingvery quickly (and even this would be a considerable feat), but a more attractive explanation would

324

J.R.R.

TOLKIEN CENTENARY CONFERENCE

Dwarven ring: certainly tl1e wizard's technological I aspirations tin with the dwarves racial characteristics. n
their heyday, the Dwarves supplied armour and weaponry to the Elves. In retumthe Elves heaped abuse on their valiant

be that he has just seen thatthere are this many, as I might see directlythatthereare two or three objects in frontof me withouthaving to count them. I nd personallythat I can only see twos, threes and possibly fours in this manner -

larger groups are broken up into these and then summed.I this is typical of humans generally; but it don't know

if

but short comrades, whom they charmingly nick-named

seems inconceivable

that" by any normal man. Feats such

that 105 could be grasped

just like
can be

Naugrim, or Stunted Ones. But this is not the place to

pursue the pro-Dwarven sentiments

of Tamithom. The

as these

dwarves also appear to have been less isolationist than the

First-bom, freely trading their technology with, say, the hobbits. The technology of the Edain didnt regain the heights of

performed by some autistic people, which indicates that they

are not entirely alien to the human brain, though. Elves would probably be the annoying types who know their Log tables by heart and could do any sort of mental arithmetic.

Pure Maths seems to be the sort of eld attractiveto folk

who have at best a tenuous connection with everyday affairs, and we can imagine Fermats Last Theorems having no terrors forthe Eldar. We know a furtherdifferencebetween Elves and Men, and

the Nrimenreansuntil well after the end

in One fragment The Lost Road even refers to ying ships in

the years immediately following the Akallabth. This leads of us into the murky waters of reliability sources, which we

of the Third

Age.

shall retum to before too long.

It is temptingto think ying

of the

this is related to their metabolism. During the pursuit of the in the orc-hoardscross Rohan, we are told of Legolas that a waybread of the Elves he found all the sustenancethat he
needed. Now we shall perform the banned chemical analysis of lembas. It certainly could not have contained

ships a legend that sprang up because

incredible achievements of the Dtinedain, much as in later years the Palantiri were transformedinto legends of bird-likespirits bringingmessages to theKing. We must be careful, though,

much (if any) Vitamin C, for that chemical decomposes rapidly. It is highly unlikely that Elves did not require this
vitamin, and so we may conclude that they synthesised their own, like all primary-world animals save guinea-pigs, monkeys and men. The others, certainly, are wom down more quickly on the chase, and we attribute a certain part of

in deciding which technologies to discard in this matter. Flying ships we can discount, as being removed from all

laterversionsofthe story.

It has often been asked why the technologicallevel of the survivors of the Downfall was so low, and why what technology they did have had so many seeming lacunze. As one example, there seems to be no reference to printing.
However, this is quite a straightforwardtechnology,certainly
those inventions which is relatively simple to develop once someone has had the initial idea. There are, we suggest, two
reasons

this to malnutrition; lack of vitamin C, as well as leading eventually to scurvy, also causes anaemia, since it is required forthe absorptionof ironinto the body.
We notice that the gene for beardlessness is transmitted from Elves to Half-Elves, and is to be found in those with

withinthe grasp ofthose who made steel bows, and is one of

even the slightest blood relation to the eldar. Cirdan is a bearded mutant.A highly debatable theory is that he was sportinga false beard in homageto the Istari, or as a sign of solidaritywith the dwarves of theEred Luin. My co-authoris tempted to hazard that Njal, as in the Saga of Burnt, has
elven

ofNtimenor was articially acceleratedby a certain Annatar, Lord of Gifts. And what possible giftother than knowledge could he give, given his situation? It would then hardly be strange to nd the considerable resources of the race being concentratedon weapons research. But even so, this would
not explain such obvious gaps.

for this phenomenon.The rstis thatthetechnology

'

characteristics, of wisdom, prescience and beardlessness.

Norsemen;

blood:

at least

he

displays

the

typically Elven

Possibly there were Nrimenrean descendents among the and also their predilection for killinganyone who disagreed with them. Talk of beards naturally leads to talk of the
Khazad.

this would account for their skill in sea-faring

for,and would, we suggest, have seen any advanced technologies as being the works of the devil. It was unfortunate from a technological point of view thatMiddle-earth was colonised
They were opposed to everythingthatSauron stood

To do this, we must consider the position

of the Faithful.

In The Hobbit, they are resplendentin beards of

white, yellow and (surprisingly) blue. This is however, a possible result of small amounts of black pigment we do
not need to assume that Dwalin was making a fashion

by intolerably proud Luddites, technophobeswho would use not Nrimenoreantechnologybut the sword and the bow. The surviving artefacts, such as the Palantiri, were Elven made.

The fear

of a

second Akallabth

obviously

scared

the

statement.

We move on to a consideration of the Dwarves. Mike Percival wrote a good article in Mallorn a few years ago about the draining of Moria (1988, pp. 30-32),and it seems

Faithful and their descendants away from developing anything much of their own accord.Even at the end of the

Third Age, we still have the office

Gondor. Nevertheless,

of King's

Scribe in

reasonable to suppose that they had access to geothermal technologyat the height oftheir civilization.I hope that I do not offend either engineers or Dwarves by saying that the Dwarves were the engineers of Middle-earth. On a related theme, it was encouraging to see in The Treason osengard that Tolkien toyed with the idea of Sarumans holding a

ofa powerful items: the Palantiri. We have here the benet remarkably full descriptionof their powers and operation, in the chapter The Palantiri" in Unnished Tales. The trouble is that they do not seem to operate by any known physical laws. However, it is indisputablethat they do operate according to some sort of strict laws. The lesser stones, at

the Faithful broughtwith them some truly

'

A Pl-IYSlCS

OF

MIDDLE-EARTH

any rate, must be oriented correctly in order for them to be used; and using the stones, a surveyor could see things many miles away, unless the location he was scrying was dark. Telepathic conversations could be held between the operators of two stones; and the Osgiliath stone could eavesdrop on any of these conversations. Just to complicate the matter still further,the stone at Emyn Beraid looked only

controlling the motionofthis camera-space. The light takes a

325

Westward to the stoneat Avallon and was not connectedto the other stones in any way. Indeed, the mention of a Stone

short-cut through another physical dimension. The standard analogy formed by removing one dimension may come in handy here - instead of looking around the surface of a sphere, we look from one point on the surface to another through the space in the middle. Of course, this is perfectly ridiculous. Although it is a nice picture, it would end up

with, in effect, faster-than-lightravel. Admittedly, the only t

in the Far West is surprising: presumably communication could have been set up between the Faithful (who had control of the stones) and Valinor. This could explain a lot, including the Faithfu1s knowledge of the plan of ArPharazn and their preparations foreeing the Downfall. So how could these things operate? Given that they can see

through mountains, one might imagine that they saw" by means ofsome sort ofradiationthatisnt blockedeasily, like neutrinos, but in that case why shouldthey reect off the target? And why cant the stones see into dark places? That

drawback from the scientic point ofview, it might well be seen as a bonus from the textual point of view; after all, Palantiri can also see backwards and forwards in time, and that really could result in causality migraines. Even this pseudo-explanation doesnt tie in with all the facts that we are given about the Stones. How could

thing travelling faster than light would be light itself, which mercifully rules out the possibility of Elven, Palantirpowered, jump-driven starships, but this is still enough to make causality a headache for anyone. Although this is a

suggests some sort of visible electromagneticradiation, dark unless is being used metaphorically. This, though, seems unlikely, and light isnt noted for its tendency to go through mountains. Possibly the light is bounced off

A repeater station located in hyperspace? Surely such a thing is beyond the realm of Doc Smith. And how are possibility, unless one is E.E. thoughts transmitted between two Palantiri in the same

Osgiliath eavesdrop?

something; but what? A satellite?

Eiirendilis sittingtherewith a mirror,even though he may be described as the Flammifer of Westemesse. Its at this stage

It seems

unlikely that

network? As Jenny sums up the whole matter ofhyperspatial

Aaaaaaaaaargh! communications,

thatwe could mutter sagely, Hmm. Insufficient data. Even Ten'y Pratchett's standard cop-out, its quantum, innit?, doesnt help us here. we wish to press on in this matter, we must invoke a scientic principle which has long been the domain of

The whole question offoreseeingthe future is a vexed one. The Mirror of Galadriel shows possible futures, including

If

things that may not come to pass. Such an intrusion of probability reminds us instantly of the eld of Quantum
Mechanics.

abouta monthago (1992) revealed that theoreticalphysicists

are coming to accept the so-called Many Worlds interpretation, and some other serious and possibly sober
is a possibility. The

A fascinating Horizon programme on television

authors wishing to lend an air ofspurious verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative. Yes, folks, it's

timefor Hyperspace.Some ofyou may have read an article

theoreticiansare startingto suggestthat time travel, ofa sort,

important here and I shall discuss it now. The main objection to time travel is that

Euclidean topology of space to a Minkowski topology of

space-time. Perhaps extra physical dimensions are the single most useful tool in todays science for the Pseudo-Scientist.

by a certain Marc Read in Amon Hen (1989, pp. 17-18) many years ago, attempting to explain the globing of the world and the removal of the Valar as a change from a

of a sort" is very

it would seem

would happen

of physical dimensionswhich

When we read about superstringtheory requiring a number runs well into double gures,
perhaps we feel that our explanations arent so silly after all.

was bom? The solution to this lies in the Many Worlds theory. This is an interpretation of quantum mechanics which suggeststhat

to be open to the Grandfather paradox what ifI killed my grandfatherbefore my father

every possible quantum event actually occurs. (as is usually the case) two or more events are contradictory - the Universe splits.In one branch event A happens, in another
wave function collapses into one state or another - then the

If

But the counter-intuitive nature of modem science,

fascinating though it is, is only a digression. Let us retum to our hyperspatial Palantiri.

The way in which the vision of the Stone is not blocked, and yet is restricted to the light illuminating the actual scene being observed, goes to suggest that the scene is not being transmitted to the Stone by any radiation. Rather, it would seem that the scene is directly observed by the Surveyor. It is
as

it does not. In the classic thought-experiment, we may say that in one branch, Berrithiel's cat is killed, and the in other it remains alive. For many years this was seen to be the most
agrant breach of Occams Razor imaginable: were inventing untold universes just to avoid letting probability in.

ifthe Surveyor were actually there. Or, to put it another way, it is as ifthe light from the scene travelled directly to
the Palantir. What betterway for this to happen than for the
need only be a

Jenny points out that it is impossible to breach a razor, but let

that pass. Now I have been reliably informed that cosmologists, being depressed about dealing with only one universe,think that the otherMany worlds have at least as

light to travel down a wormhole, a hyperspatial unnel,it t

would then travel directly to the stone. The various ways

muchclaim to existenceas ours. Weird.

nightmare is that

tiny size. Any light entering this volume

The most interesting thought that comes with this

perhaps some sort

controllingthe palantir then translate to various ways

of of

ontological

communication between the parallel worlds (for want of a betterterm) is possible. Thus, it has been argued, we could

of

326 have the equivalent

sideways"

J.R.R.

TOLKIEN CENTENARY CONFERENCE

long as we stepped

of time travel

so

Well, that may be

because we all have an instinctive

in time, and across to a parallel world, so keeping all time-lines unmuddled. Any science iiction author who tried to get away with this would probably be laughed at, but it'sjust anotherexample of Haldanes law in action: The Universe is not only queerer than we suppose, it is
queerer than we can suppose."

feeling for the inverse-square law, which govems how distant objects appear to dim. So, we could either question the assumption that the Moming-Star is just a silmaril, without maintaining that it is a planet, or we could see what would happen the inverse-square law did not hold. Lets consider the secondcase rst. The inverse-squarelaw is simply derived

if

Anyhow, it now seems that we could explainGaladriels Mirror as being a way of looking into the various parallel
worlds. The time difference could be explained away by

for the case ofan

isotropic light~sourceemitting at constant power, P. The as brightness seen by an observer at a distance, r, away from
the source depends on the power density at the location
equally over the surface

Afterall, there is going to be a

having worlds which developed at slightly different rates.

there. Indeed, J. Danforth Quayles famous quantity comes

of

vast number of worlds out

the observer, which is P/41rr since the light spreads out

falls offat

nearly innite". This explanation seems in handy here be backed up by science.

of a sphere. Hence

the brightness

vaguely unsatisfactorybut I am horribly afraid that it could

are invited to do the maths, and let us know the results; perhaps by the Bicentenary conference. The question is basically,wouldsuch a device violate any physical laws? As

Any theoretical physicists out there

a light-sourceon a plane, which emits a

law. now considerthe two-dimensionalcase. Consider We shall

light-circle instead

of a

"Whatever is not forbidden is compulsory. Gell-Mann said, Suffice to say thatthis is an area of real interest in modem research,especially forscience ction fans and rationalising
pseudo-scientists.

light-sphere.The brightness presumably depends on of power per unit area. The power per unit length, instead observer at a distance r from the source brightness to an would therefore be P/21ll'2.But this formula could be readily be changed ifthe light, insteadof travelling in a plane, were

to travel on

thinkthatit is fairto say that they can be seen as the products

We can now look at some

of the powers of the

Rings. I

ofthe various effects

mentionedhere and in our earlier paper & Read, 1991). The ability to locate the other (Coombs wearers and, perhaps, know their thoughts seems closely related to the functions of the Palantfr. Amon Hen seems to act as a natural amplier for the power of vision; it is terrifying to think what might happen to a ring wearer on

Imagine, for instance, that the light-source, the observer and the light are all constrained to move on the surface of a sphere ofradius a. Then elementary geometry shows that the brightness falls off not as llr, but as the reciprocal of surface of a a.sin(r/a). If Arda were the three-dimensional the desired function of suitable four-dimensional object,

some more complicated two-dimensional curve.

'

w Amon Lhaw. The problems ofinvisibility e haveimplicitly Valaquanta. They also seem handled in our earlier paper, to amplifythe wielders natural ability - another idea closely

brightness against distance could be obtained; that is to say, one in which light sources appear much brighter when they are further away. The problem is that of nding such a

strangeobject. Jenny has devoted much thought to this, but,

despite constructing many three-dimensionaldiagrams out of Is paper and mutilated satsumas,has had to give up. there an
I

tied in with ourearlierwork. My co-author has tumed her attention to two different magic" in Arda, and treated each in a different examples of way. First, the Silmarils. These are bright, but not blinding to

look at; it is unlikely that their luminosity exceeds that ofa 100W light-bulb.Yet we are told that a silmaril became the moming-star.The obvious explanation, if explanation we

satellites from reected light. But what light could itreect? This raises the whole problem of the Sun, as mentioned
earlier. Perhaps some layer

i n-dimensional topologistn thehouse? There are other possibilities conceming Barendil. What was Vingilot made of? Afterall, we can see certain articial

of the

atmosphereacted as a

seek, is that this is mythology, a story told by an ancient people; in reality, of course, Earendil is Venus, the poisonous, sulphurous second planet. It is entertaining, however, to imagine fora momentthat we are in a universe where the moming-star is a Silmaril, a few miles above the

natural photomultiplier, solving all our problems at a single stroke. I am attached to this explanation but can think of no Still, when has that ever got in justication forit whatsoever. the way ofa good theory? Anyway, we shall now tum to the other area which Jenny has been investigating.

earth. The problem then arises of how the silmaril is still

visible, and so bright; similar problems occur with the story of the Sun and Moon. In The Book ofLost Tales (Tolkien,
1983, p. 201), the Sun increases in heat and brilliance after the itslaunching, o that, as Christopher Tolkiencomments s the Sun that brilliantly reection rises less readily that

As we statedat the start of this paper, there is another way of going about things, which is to maintain that Middle-earth is our earth, and that therefore all its physical laws must be compatible with ours. Let us pursue this line ofthoughtfor a

illumines the whole Earth was but one fruit of Laurelin then 'Valinor must have been painfully brightand hot in the days of the Trees! But in Tolkiens later writing there is no mentionof any such increase in luminosity. So why do the heavenly bodies still look bright? Or rather,why do we feel thatthey oughtto look dimmer?

if

while. Our principle weapon will be source criticism. The various histories and legends of Arda existas many different
documents, in a great variety

contradictory.Consider the difference, for example, in stye Tale of Timiviel in as well as plot, between the playful Lay of Lost Tales (Tolkien, 1984,pp. 3-48),andthe sombre
Leithian" (Tolkien, 1985, pp. 150-308).Clearly these can be regardedas Tolkiens successive reworks and adaptations of

of styles, and are often atly

the myths.

valid in the secondary world, but or legends. And, just

as

Itis more rewarding, however, to consider them as equally

as representing

A PHYSICS

OF MIDDLE-EARTH

327

traditions,from different ages and cultures,

sources, one must consider not only the material but its author: when he lived, what his culture was, how close he was to the events he describes, how he gathered his information. Many of the documents we have are songs or lays; has the poet adapted his material for dramatic effect, or for some other reason? To understandThe /Eneid one must considerMaecenas, who commissionedthe work, as well as Virgil who wrote it. When discussing the portrayal of Ores, one mustremember thathistory is written bythe victors. The racist,misanthropictone ofThe Silmarillion betraysits Elven origin; and the constant reference to the great height of the heroes of the War of the Ring makes sense when we rememberthatthe Red Book was written by hobbits. So what is the relevance of this to a discussion of science?

with primary~world historical

ofthe same facts

different

are relatively reliable; presumably the translated version of the Red Book was the annotated copy of Findegil, only two copies removed from the original. Bilbo could well be forgivenfor making up some of the excessesof There and Back Again, but the Red Book was destined to be read by the great and the wise. The whole question is simply one of where to draw the lines betweenmagic, legend and science. This is much harder than it may sound. Clarke's Law is often cited in this context: that any sufficiently advanced technology would be indistinguishable from magic." I
suppose

It is that one need not take every

misunderstanding all play their part in the description of technological artefacts, especially when such artefacts

we have already shown. Exaggeration, confusion, and

statement at face-value, as

belong to a civilization other than the narrators, and to a technology he does not understand. An exampleis the Elven

swords, Orcrist, Glamdring, and Sting, which magically

glow in the dark to indicate theproximity

Whereas Jenny can accept the Palantiri as products of some far-advanced science, she baulks at luminous prefers to say that the reports that the swords glow when Ores approached are untme: they are based on mmour, exaggeration, and superstitious belief in the omnipotence of the ancientElven science that produced tl1em. Rather than being actually self-luminous, the swords were in fact only
highly reective. In dark surroundings,hey reectedwhat t

ofOrcs.

disagreements start when someone tries to argue, fallaciously, from this to the idea that anything that is indistinguishablefrom magic must be advanced technology. Logically, this is the fallacy of affirmingthe consequent; to make the latter claim is to say far more than is stated by Clarke's Law, which is unobjectionablein itself. It will be useful forthe purposeof thisdiscussion to set up two hypothetical Tolkien fans, the Scientist and the Magician. I hasten to add that both of these are caricatures; we are leaving the nal decision to you. None of you will be surprised to hear that were on the side ofthe Scientist in this argument.Perhaps the difference betweenJenny and myself is that she is a littleconstantin herviews while I waver with the natural indecision ofthe philosophy student. The Magician really cant see the pointof a paper like this.

that most people would accept this; the

Almost certainly,hes notinterestedin science much in the

primary world. Even
should apply to Middle-earth. he Scientist makes him feel T

ironmongery.This seems to be magic pure and simple. She

if he is, he doesnt

see why any

of it

estimation.Perhaps the reason thathe likes Tolkien so much elusive in todays over-scienticage.
The Scientist thinks that

vaguely angry, and he feels a great temptation to jump up and down shouting, He that breaks a thing to nd outwhat it is has left the path of wisdom.He feels cheated Magic is explained away: something precious has been lost, in his

if

available light there was, and so still seemed bright, just as white clothing shows up more at night. Over time this was light, and eventually presence of enemies.

is thathe can nd in Middle-earth mysteries which are so the

distortedinto the legend that the swords emitted their own

that they glowed to indicate the

time to time wed still be sittingin caves. Hes probably got

if man

didnt break things from

say. The ancient Elven swords are also prized for their strength. Both of these could be explained the Noldor at the height oftheircivilisation werecapable ofmanufacturing large single crystals of metal. This is a technologywhich we

Elven swords are in fact repeatedly referred to as bright"; thoughhow far this is merely arhetorical adjective is hard to

likesMiddle-earth because ofits innerconsistency and logic.

at least some scientic training. He really cannot understand the irrational technophobia of the Magician. He probably

if

of that world breaks down cannotbe codied and regulated somehow.

For him, the whole logic We know her woof, her texture;she is given In the dull catalogue ofcommon things. Philosophy will clipan angelswings.

if it

The Magician cannot help but admire the passage in Keats: There was an awful rainbow once in heaven:

are just beginning to master.Normal metal consists of many small grains, or crystals, of metal atoms bonded in grain structures.Fracture occurs at grain boundaries;the size of the
grains affects the strength of the metal; techniques such as

The touch

of science

is

for him the kiss of death. He draws

tempering and work-hardeningdepend on this. sword consisted of monocrystalline iron, it would be very resistant to many forms of stress. It would also, due to its uniform surface, be highly reective.
swords, and

Ifa

supportfrom Tolkiens seeminglyanti-technological iews. v But the Scientist is at a loss as to what to say in reply.

Now, I would be quite happy to accept monocrystalline

knowing the laws that govem it, not less! The simplestobject is, to the Scientist, a source of limitless wonder. His ear

Surely, he thinks, a rainbow is all the more beautiful for

analysis. In this case, though,I think that reports of glowing swords are not greatly exaggerated. he sourcesthatwe have T

of

course the general point about source

strains ever after the music of the spheres. What though Tolkien seems to disapprove of his pursuits? Tolkien seems to have disliked every subject apart from his own eld at one

stageor anotherin his career.

328

J.R.R.

TOLKIEN CENTENARY CONFERENCE

leading us into the murky waters
counterfactuals. Maybe this is a subject for another paper, one indulging my philosophical whims instead of my

is because have so little in common that their they disagreementsarise. the_Mag1cran could only realise that the Scientist rs not attemptingto destroythe mystery,but to push rt back even deeper to the mysteries that perplex modern science, then he might be more respectful.Similarly, the Scientist should not dismiss the Magician out of hand. For heavens sake, this is meant as an enjoyable pastime, not a war. And here we reach the nub of the matter. For the Scientist, such analyses are fun. Jenny and I enjoyed writing this paper immensely, and we hope that youre nding it interesting and,perhaps, amusing. Im sure that the argument as to whether or not it is in the

If

of

modal logic and

of Middle-earthto analyse things from the scientic point of view is one that will go on for a long time. Im
spirit

scientic ones. But on that note I shall leave this serious theme. Jennys answer to this whole problem is slightly different from mine: but I just wanted to show that at least weve thoughtaboutwhat were doing. And now I tum with relief to a few ideas which the pseudo-scienticapproachto Middle-earthcould yield. As I mentioned earlier these are some areas we think could be developedmuch further. T An economic analysis ofMiddle-earth. his projecthas i.
already been started by Mark Poles

aware that this paper is rapidly beginning to sound serious, and so I must do something- people who know me often suspect thingsare deeply wrong when my Tolkienian writing turns serious. So I shall close this sectionwith a presentation

ii.

"Exchange Rates in Middleexcellent and amusing earth. An investigationof the neuropsychology of Elves. Just how could they perform all those extraordinary mental feats?

ofTaruithomin his

of my own view, which mightoffendsome purists.

Im sorry; but its the only view I know well

If so,

iii. The whole matter of telepathy. This would be very

problematic but could take comfort from the parapsychology has proceeded in the primary world. A genetic approach to beards. Why were dwarven females bearded? What was the genetic difference between the branches of hobbits? How often would Boromir have needed to shave? What about mithril? Presumably a natural alloy, but of what? seems to be just about the perfect material for most purposes. I suppose that it was a pity that the

explain. Then I shall present a few last mad ideas for future scientic enquiries into Middle-earth. Wed be thrilled ifany

enough to

wonderfully pseudo-scienticand ramshackle way

of these were to stimulate any ofyou into writing something iv.

similar. So, why do I enjoy this pseudo-scientic approach to the writings of J.R.R. Tolkien? Well, for me, giving a full scientic account ofa seemingly magical phenomenongives rise to the same sort of intellectual satisfaction as nishing

v.

It

the Times crossword. The analogy is good, in that at my chance of present state of knowledge I have precious little
doing

Dwarves seem to have mined

began.

it all well

before our age

really interested in. Above all, its a great game to treat the writings ofTolkienas they were historicalrecords,and see what sense we can make ofthem. Itsa game which I think all Tolkien fans enjoy. In the back of my mind the whole

either satisfactorily. Its a challenging intellectual which draws together most of the things that Im

vi.

if

Then theres the problem of how one could start with Elves and end up with Orcs, quite apartfrom the whole matter of Orcish immortality or otherwise. Is this
straightforward genetic engineering? Or perhaps a programme
dysgenics"?

after all, they are only time is the naggingthought that works of ction." But this doubt is pushed aside when discussing such themes as are dealt with in this paper. It is
approach quite ironic, then, that we take the opposite one

of what

has

happily

been

called

level down", as it were, and introduce the obvious doubts aboutbias of the author only when we analyse the corpus as being secondary-worldhistory. No wondercritics ofTolkien
get confused! Middle-earth

were developed by the end vii Exactly what technologies of the Third Age? It would be very useful ifsomeone could undertake the tedious task of indexing all mentionsof artefacts in the books.Especially welcome would be a listing of the incredibly patchy technology of the Shire. Need we take seriously hobbit umbrellas?
And surely only an advanced civilisation could be decent enough to produce waistcoats. Next well be earth coming to?

But its only fantasy! Well, yes, it is fantastic; but

is the result

any conceivable process. Its my belief isnt going to break apart under the stress of intemal contradictions will have to have certain properties found in a the primary world: for example, it must have causality of

that

of a

genuinely sub-creative
world which

hearing of hobbits in bow-ties. Whatever is Middle-

And on thathappy note we shall draw this shortpaper to a close. We both hope that some of you will have understood t what weve been saying, and, more importantly, he reasons
why we say it.

sort. There is at least a good case

for saying that the most

well. But this is

fundamental laws
References

of physics

must hold as

Valaquantaz Ofthe Energy oftheValar" in Mallorn No. 28, pp. 29-35. Coombs, Jennifer and Read, Marc. 1991. The Draining ofMoria" in MallornNo. 25, pp. 30-32. Percival, Michael. 1988.

A PHYSICS
Read, Marc. 1989. The

OF MIDDLE-EARTH
ofthe Akallabth" in Amon Hen

329
No. 99, pp. 17-18.September

Einstein Cormection or Cosmological implications

1989.

Tolkien, J.R.R. 1981.Letters ofJR.R. Tolkien. Ed. HumphreyCarpenterwith ChristopherTolkien. London: George Allen & Unwin. Tolkien, J .R.R. 1983.The Book Tolkien, J.R.R. 1984.The Book Tolkien, J.R.R. 1985.The Lays

ofLost TalesPart I. Ed. ChristopherTolkien. London: George Allen ofBeleriand.

ofLostTales Part II_ ChristopherTolkien. London: George Allen Ed.

& Unwin. & Unwin.

Ed. ChristopherTolkien. London: George Allen & Unwin.