She sat at the window of her room. She was sitting in a large rocking chair.

She didnt really rock; she just kind of drifted back and forth slowly, almost unnoticeably. She sat in the rocker by the window of her room hardly making a sound, slowly swaying to and fro with a subconscious, dream like gentleness to her motion. She seemed to be staring out of the window at the thick woods brightly colored with greens, reds, and yellows just beyond the lawn surrounding the house like a green moat. A squirrel ran to the end of a sparsely covered branch and leaped to another branch knocking loose a few leaves that had managed to hang on this long. They tumbled and twirled towards the ground like brightly colored parachutes. Victoria did not notice any of this. She seemed to be staring at the colors but she was lost in thought looking far beyond the colors to another place, another time. Days flowed into weeks like the nearby stream flowing into the Susquehanna River. Things had taken on a cloak of surreal. Things had changed quickly for Victoria. Irene and Barry seemed to be a faded memory. So much had happened in such a short time, it all seemed to have been just a dream at times. It was hard to believe that any of it had happened at all. It seemed to have all happened so long ago in such a foreign, far away, almost alien existence. She was in a different place. In comparison to the places she had been, it was if she had fallen through the looking glass. After whisking Victoria away from the hotly disputed environment, an investigation had been done as most investigations are done. Questions and accusations flew through the air like poisonous darts seeking a target. Reports were done. Hearings, cross examinations were held and questions upon seemingly endless questions. Questions of Roberts and Victorias relationship, questions concerning the supervision, questions about what happened to Victorias clothes and her records, questions concerning Irenes competence. Irene dodged them all skillfully as she could which wasnt skillful enough. After a complete colonoscopy of all involved, after it was determined that there would be no lawsuits, after those in power were certain that the right butts had been covered, did the dust finally settle. It settled on Irene. She lost her ability to have foster children and even the vets had been moved out shortly after the completion of the investigation. Irene was relieved to be out of the limelight and interviews. She had envisioned channel 8 news showing up on her front porch with blinding lights and microphones shoved into her face while voices would be accusing, asking, and judging. She had pictured her face on thousands of television screens, maybe even millions, looking shocked, scared and the sounds of her voice fumbling for an answer. She had even pictured Barbara Walters reporting the story with Irenes face appearing for everyone to see just over Barbaras right shoulder. She thought that that is the way they do it; they blame the innocent victim. She had scanned the newspapers, listened to the radio news, and watched the news; looking for that moment her life would end. It never came. She finally stepped out of her house for the first time in a month when she was starting to feel safe after seeing nothing mentioned anywhere. It was a very timid reemergence into the world. She had first checked out from behind the blinds of all of the windows on the second

floor. Then she rechecked from behind the blinds on the first floor. Things just seemed to be as usual. She stepped out looking around cautiously, expecting a reporter to jump out of a bush. It never happened. Irene just started to get her life back to normal, believing that there was no six oclock news because she hadnt done anything wrong. It had been that evil tool of Satan, Victoria, who had tested her and had tried to set her up, but Irene had prevailed believing that God had protected her in her obvious innocence which no one else could see, was able to understand in this evil, evil world. Irene imagined Jesus on the cross for trying to save man from his own greedy, evil ways while soldiers gambled for his possessions. She stepped out of her front door with her head held high. She was convinced that the dust had settled from the storm kicked up by Victoria in the greedy ambitious game that Victoria had played because God recognized Irenes innocence. How could they have accused her? Irene was a church going woman. She had never missed a day of service to the Lord, even when she was sick, especially when she was sick, she would go; the Lord cured her every time. How could anyone believe that evil child? She had been pregnant before. This was obviously her modus operandi. Surely, everyone could see that she seduced Robert to get pregnant on purpose. She had planned it all along. She came from poor folk with no class, no sophistication. She saw what Irenes family had and wanted it for herself. She had led Robert astray and had seduced him so that she could become pregnant and have a claim on Irenes family. Irene went on for days looking for reasons that didnt indict her or her family, reasons and rationalizations for why and how she had been duped into being an innocent victim. After all, Victoria came from a poor family with no morals and that is what those types of families do, they look for free rides. Her mind fluttered with thoughts like these day in and out ever since she first found out about Victorias pregnancy. Victorias thoughts were miles away. Just before school had started for the year, everything had changed. The busy town of Lititz and the cul de sac neighborhood had been traded for a two story log cabin style house in the thick woods of central Pennsylvania; the nearest neighbor was over one hundred yards away. Her room which she was sharing with Lisa and Roxanne was traded for an actual room just for her. Lancaster County, Pennsylvania had been traded for the mostly rural setting of Perry County. Warwick High School had been replaced by Johnston Christian School. Irene and Frank had been replaced by the Lockharts. Steve and Amy Lockhart were considerably younger than Irene and Barry. They were both in their late twenties; Steve would be turning thirty in the summer with Amy right behind him. Both graduates and college sweethearts of Penn State University, they both had been high school teachers. Steve was still working as a teacher of social studies, however, Amy had resigned to become a full time stay at home mom when her daughter, Alicia, came onto the scene over a year ago. They were in a good place financially and felt that their daughter should come first. It had given them a sense of security knowing that Amy would be at home to raise their daughter. It gave them a schedule that allowed them a lot of freedom and time together. It also

gave Amy a chance to work towards her masters. Steve would pursue his once Amy had acquired hers. Victoria had entered the household not knowing what to expect after her first encounter with a foster care home. She was very apprehensive; worried that she would have to go through the same ordeals she had with Irene; the humiliation, the going over the rules. She worried about what the rules would be this time. But as days flowed by, she found that she liked Steve and Amy a lot. Both would tutor her with her lessons. She liked how Steve and Amy shared all of the chores of the house. They seemed to be a happy couple. Neither one seemed to be in charge. Unlike Irenes house, they both seemed to share the exact same authority; the house belonged to both of them. As far as Lockharts rules were concerned, they had a very simple philosophy. Victoria found that the only real rule was if you dont want anyone doing something to you, then dont do it to them to anyone else. Victoria found that one of the biggest things that helped her to feel welcomed was neither one of her new foster parents made her feel as though this was all her fault. There were no accusations or questions of her character. She didnt feel as if she had been judged and was being looked down on. We all make mistakes, said Steve on the first day after Victoria had been dropped off, paperwork had been gone over, and Mrs. Crowley left, Amy and I have made tons of mistakes. We all have moments of poor judgment and are taken advantage of during those moments, added Amy. The key is, I believe, said Steve, Is that we recover and learn from those moments of weakness in judgment and move on. You were a child and you were taken advantage of, explained Amy in a caring tone. Now, is when we recover and move forward with our lessons learned, said Steve in a compassionate and hopeful tone. She felt with each passing day as if she was truly becoming a family member. She liked their attitudes and how they talked to her. It had been the first time in her life that she didnt feel as if she was this horrible thing. She felt as if a major weight had been removed from her. It was as if she had been reborn. It was as if today was the first day of Victorias existence; the past had happened but it was over, time to move forward. They seemed genuinely concerned with her. She didnt know what to make of it. They were actually concerned about her feelings, about helping her to feel comfortable in their home. They seemed very interested in helping Victoria feel that it was her home as well. Both of her new foster parents treated her as if she had been a victim. They treated her as if she was not a guess but part of the family. She liked it.

Each day when she came home from Johnston Christian School, Victoria would be allowed time to unwind. She could read, go for a walk, listen to music, watch television, or just think and day dream. Around five oclock, they would all assemble in the kitchen to get dinner ready. Victoria liked this. They would all decide what to make and each of them would take on different tasks; working together as a well-trained team. Victoria loved the lessons in the kitchen she was receiving. Everything was for the most part created from fresh ingredients. Prepared meals or meals out of the box were used only during rare occasion when time was not really on their side because of appointments or workloads. If they had things to do after school such as shopping or just getting out of the house, they would stop at local restaurants for dinner. After dinner was done and the dishes were cleaned, Steve and Victoria would sit down to work on her assignments. Steve refused to give Victoria any answers. He did a great job helping her to arrive at the answers she needed. He did a great job helping her to understand what was going on and to understand the material. She could see why he was a teacher. He just seemed to be truly in his element while helping her with the assignments. Amy would fill in when the subject wasnt Steves forte with Steve paying as close attention to the instructor as Victoria did. Victoria was impressed with his desire to learn and become better at subjects he was poor in and what really surprised her was Amy was the same way. Victoria was receiving a well-rounded education from both of them. She wished that she could be smarter. They were inspiring her and she welcomed it whole heartedly. Within her first week with the Lockharts, Victoria had learned much about relationships and her school work had vastly improved. And every step of the way, it was as if Victoria was their daughter, a member of the family, not some malingering parasite that they had to babysit. Steve would include her in his lesson planning. She was great in helping him make his lessons understood, to connect with the student. He loved and welcomed her insights. It is amazing how many times we think that we are clear about something, which we are to ourselves, the originators of the piece of communication, but even something that we think is crystal clear to ourselves is murky to someone else. Allowing Victoria to help with the lesson preparation helped him to clear up the murk. He appreciated her help even though Victoria wasnt all that clear on how she had helped. What did I do? she would ask in a confused tone. You helped me to understand how to make something more clearer to my students, Steve would answer. But how? It is a bit complicated, but in my attempt to help you understand what I am talking about, you are helping me to become a better communicator of the ideas. Do you understand? I think so, she responded with a touch of timidness in her voice.

Not everyone communicates at the same level or in the same way. We all come from different backgrounds and because of that have developed different perspectives of the same thing. We arent all interested in the same subjects. You will learn this when you go to college or will have learned it by that time. This creates a gap in understanding between two people. You are helping me to bridge that gap. You are helping me to discover new ways to help you develop an interest in the subject I am teaching. With that interest, you are more likely to pay closer attention and learn. I think that I understand now, said Victoria in a more convincing tone Steve smiled. He heard the tone and could definitely tell that he had hit pay dirt with his explanation. He noticed that Victoria seemed a little different as well. She had never heard anyone talk about her in such a way. Steve actually thinks that she has what it takes to go to college. She had never thought of herself as being smart enough to go to college. It made her feel good. She liked that a lot. Steve had said it as if he was convinced that that was Victorias destiny. Amy welcomed the extra hands with taking care of Alicia. Coming closer to her second birthday, she was a great baby, but at times could be a handful. Victoria like the idea that someone trusted her with something so very precious; it meant a lot to the young woman. She took the privilege to help, to share in the care of Alicia very seriously as it was and did her best. In return, she was getting a lot of valuable lessons for her coming bundle of joy. Victoria was happy to have this opportunity to help and learn. It helped to calm her nerves about the souvenir she had developing inside of her from her experience with Irene and her family. She had been frightened when she had first found out that she was pregnant. She wasnt scared of being a mom or of the delivery; she had been terrified of what would happen to her when everyone had found out. She had thoughts whirling around in her mind of what would happen that she found it hard to sleep at nights. Her mother was the first obstacle. You cant have this child, said Mary very sternly, You are only a child yourself. What kind of mother do you think that you would be? I want to keep the baby, replied Victoria timidly. Honey, listen to me, said Mary, You cannot afford to be a mother. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have to finish school. I am keeping my baby, responded Victoria very sternly. She had made up her mind as soon as she had found out that she was pregnant. She thought often what would have been had she kept her first child. She couldnt bear doing that again to another soul. Often she would think of what she would be doing with her first child. She would think of all the activities they could have done together. She wondered what her child

would have been like. She wondered if the child would ever be able to forgive her for what was done. It would weigh heavily on her for the rest of her life. She was relieved when she found out that it was up to her. Days would continue to pass. With the help of the Lockharts, school became more and more interesting. Before she had hated school because of what happened to her. Then she hated school because of the subject matter and having so much going on in Irenes house. Irene never seemed to be as concerned about school work as she was about learning the scriptures. Now with the help of the Lockharts, Victoria started to understand what she was learning at school. She actually didnt see it as a barrier which she was banging her head against. She actually liked taking the tests and passing with good grades. It gave her hope. It put a future in view that had possibilities. She wanted to create a great future for her coming child and herself as the childs mother. She sometimes thought of Robert when she thought of her unborn child. He had disappeared during the investigation. Many questions had been asked about his involvement with Victoria. He had just simply disappeared. She hadnt heard anything from him. She wondered why he disappeared. She wondered where he was. She worried what was happening to him. It bothered her at times that she did not know the answer to any of these questions. Sometimes, she just really missed him. He could at times be overbearing to her. They always did what he wanted. But he had been a way to get out from under Irenes controlling thumb which at times had gotten to be unbearable. Even though he called all the shots on their dates, she was allowed to breathe when they were out on their dates. Some of the things he chose to do were actually a lot of fun, like going to the local fairs, a movie every now and then. She was able to meet people out of the watchful eye of Irene and her family. She had a hard time thinking of Robert as a member of Irenes family. She was his sister but seemed to be so much older that it seemed to be impossible. As siblings, they were so much like night and day. Irene would have fit well in her parents generation while Robert was definitely in Victorias. Irene was so strict and parental whereas Robert was open and free. Robert, though he seemed like a self-absorbed guy, really did seem to become more interested in Victoria as they dated. Even though they only did what he wanted, a lot of it was still far more fun than being at home with Irene. It had been in a way, Victorias first true sense of being special and free. She wondered if Robert thought of her, if he missed her, if he was concerned about her and his child growing in her. She gently and slowly rocked back and forth in the rocking chair by the window. She wasnt really looking at the fall colors the filled her view on this bright fall day. She was looking at scenes far beyond the color of the foliage. She was thinking of all that had happened. She thought of how quickly everything had changed. She thought of her child. She took her

attention off of the scenes playing in the windows of her mind and looked at her belly. She put her hand softly on it and smiled as she rubbed it. Of course Robert missed her and thought of their child. She was certain of it. She continued to smile as she moved her focus to the window again and started to gently move to and fro with her hand on her belly and her mind in the clouds of what had happened. She thought of the great family they would make together.