My Dealings With Depression Introduction Introduction

One in eight young people in the UK will be suffering with depression at any given time. If you take account of the whole UK population, that figure rises to one in five people. 1 With such statistics to hand one would expect that there would be a relatively sound knowledge of depression amongst the general populous. However, my own experiences of this illness would suggest otherwise. Sadly, there appears to be a lack of knowledge about the condition amongst people and even now in 2013 there is the issue of stigma attached to discussion centred around depression. Therefore, this piece of writing aims (in some small way) to try Therefore, and break the stigma surrounding depression and give a firsthand account to readers what it
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is like to live with. I would not dare to suggest depression that my has experience been of anything

extraordinary, and I know that my own struggle whilst very real, has not been as severe as many of my friends who have suffered or who continue to suffer with this most troubling of illnesses. My hope however is that this piece also serves sufferers as well as general readers, with ll an insight into depression as a condition, to provide clarity and answer questions that people may have been reluctant to ask of others.

discussion? A difficult subject of discussion?

It has taken me nearly 6 months to produce what you are reading now and without question it s w has been the toughest subject matter I have ever written about. Why has it been so tough? There are numerous reasons. Firstly I have been affected by depression personally and Firstly, sharing parts of my experience makes me feel a little vulnerable. Many people who know me will not have been aware about my dealings with depression because it's not something I have always been open to share with others. It i not a topic of conversation that you readily is discuss at the dinner table, or on a night out with mates. Secondly, I work with I know many young people and young adults for which depression is a raw reality now. A further part of ity my motivation for this piece was to lead by example and show people that there is no shame tion that in battling with depression. If more people are prepared to talk about their experiences the quicker the stigma associated with depression can be broken. To those who are suffering silently: do not continue trying to climb a slipper slope alone. You need support to provide a o slippery . foothold to help you climb up from where you are. Seek support from friends and speak to
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your doctor. If you're a friend of someone who is suffering with depression: be prepared to journey with people as they overcome obstacles in their battle. Trust me, they need and will value your help. Thirdly, I wanted both sufferers of depression and general readers to be able to identify with what I am writing. Presenting the subject in a way that is relevant and with the required clarity has been important to me, hence a lengthy drafting and refining process has taken place. Finally, I know that depression robs people of joy and ultimately life. I have lost a friend due to depression in the last 18 months and know others that have tried to end their lives as a direct consequence of this illness. Those facts act as a stark reminder to me that depressions destructive forces need to be highlighted, but also acted upon. So as we embark on discovering more about depression I hope you find what is written helpful and insightful. We start with a brief question and answer section.

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Depression Question and Answer

What is depression?
The dictionary definition of depression is "a condition of general emotional dejection and

withdrawal".

It is a feeling of low mood over a prolonged period of time, sometimes

triggered by a troubling situation or passage of time in life. However this is not always the case. Some people suffer with depression with no obvious cause. Whilst there is no clinical evidence to suggest that there is a genetic pre-disposition to suffering with depression, some families do have a history of this illness through past generations.

Are there different types of depression?

In short, yes. Depression can manifest in various forms, the most common of which are listed below:

Clinical Depression
This is the most common form of depression and is the common name given to denote 'normal' states of depression by doctors. The 'depth' of depression (mild, moderate, severe) can vary dramatically from person to person and the effects are equally varied. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is also sometimes linked with this form of depression.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

SAD (as suggested by the name) is seasonal and tends to occur in the autumn and winter months. With less daylight hours SAD can be triggered in people who would not otherwise suffer with depression. This form tends to gradually improve as the weather gets better and the daylight hours increase into the spring time.

PostPost-natal Depression
This can occur in women up to two years after they have given birth. Often women will experience the 'baby blues' shortly after birth, and this can last for a few days. However, post-natal depression is far more serious, spanning much longer lengths of time and can include a feeling of being unable to cope with the parenting role and associated responsibilities.

Bipolar Disorder (Manic Depression) Bipolar

This is probably the most extreme form of depression. People suffering with bipolar disorder will experience intense periods of time where they feel ecstatic and elated. They then experience times of feeling total hopelessness and despair. complex form of depression and requires specialist support and intervention. This is a

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depression? What are the causes of depression?

The causes of depression are numerous Some of the root causes include: ses numerous. Separation or divorce The loss of a loved one or friend A traumatic event or experience (past or present) Anxiety about debts Loss of employment Relationship breakdowns in families friendship groups or with a partner families, Fear of failing to meet people's expectations Drug abuse Alcohol abuse Past or present abuse; physical, emotional, mental Bullying The weather and seasons nd

Sometimes there are no obvious cause for depression. causes

depression? What are the symptoms of depression?

There are a few key symptoms to identify if you or someone close to you is suffering with depression: A constant low mood or dramatic mood swings Feeling unable to tackle simple or routine tasks Feelings of hopelessness Paranoia Being stuck in a world of negative thoughts Suffering with a lack of sleep Conversely, not being able to motivate your yourself to get out of bed; lethargy Getting agitated or angered easily Feeling restless or unsettled Self-harm Suicidal thoughts Not wanting to see family or friends; the individual emotionally and physically will withdraw from others in their relations. This list is by no means exhaustive. Everyone has bad days from time to time, but when these exhaustive. feelings or behaviours exhibit themselves for prolonged periods of time (two weeks or more) then it is wise to visit your doctor to see whether or not you are suffering with depression. If diagnosed, your doctor can offer options to help you plan a way forward. Symptoms are sometimes difficult to spot because the individual suffering with depression will try and act 'normally' around others but then lapse into a state of depression when they are alone. It depression
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should also be noted that some of these symptoms (such as occasional mood swings and lethargy) are quite normal behaviours associated with teenagers who are maturing physically, psychologically and emotionally.

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I hope the information presented so far has been useful.

In this final section, I explain

firsthand my own experiences of depression. I hope this gives a glimpse of what the condition is like to live with and helps increase awareness and understanding.

My Story
For several weeks I had felt miserable. It was different to experiences of the past when I knew that I was feeling a bit lonely or perhaps a bit down or frustrated with circumstances in the world around me. I was used to ups and downs at work or with friends or family. This miserable feeling though would not go away. It was something far deeper in my thoughts and soul. The miserable feeling was manifesting itself in lots of different ways. Some nights I could not sleep: I would feel anxious and insecure about the most menial issues. At other times I just could not bring myself to get up out of bed: I could not be bothered to face g everyday tasks or other people. Sometimes, a anger and rage would be triggered by the most trivial occurrences in my day and my patience with people was short to say the least. But worst of all were the feelings of worthlessness and doub that frequented my mind. After ngs doubt mind several weeks of this chaotic battle of mind, heart and soul I got to a point where I had to do something. I could not go on like this. I mustered up some courage to talk to my sister about these struggles. Within a few moments of me talking she had recognised the symptoms ecognised and signs of depression and insisted I make an appointment with my doctor. Knowing that my low mood would make such a call a difficult task, she physically stood within earshot whilst I phoned through to the surgery to make the appointment. That may sound ridiculous, but I know I would not have bothered to make a call to see my doctor without her physically being t around to support me, such was my level of apathy at this point. Taking that initial step of
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talking to someone about how I was feeling meant that I could starting doing something about
it. So with an appointment booked and my sister able to listen, I had taken some initial steps to start dealing with my depress depression. The following week I visited my doctor. I remember feeling anxious as I waited to be called through. I had a dozen thoughts buzzing round my head including "What am I doing here?" and "The doctor can't do anything for me." I was so close to walking out the surgery that ng morning. Everything inside me wanted to be someplace else. Fortunately the rational side of me won over and I stayed in my seat until I was called through. That morning, I talked with my doctor for several minutes about how I was feeling. .
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He asked me to answer some

questions2 and I was neither shocked nor surprised by his prognosis: "I would suggest you

are suffering with moderate depression". Slightly cheeky I know, but I did think in my head
that I could probably have told him that when I walked through the door! However, it's worth pointing out that having my doctor confirm what I already suspected helped me to think rationally about how to overcome my depression rather than avoid the issue. My doctor was excellent. He listened to me intently and asked me to repeat back the options to make sure I had understood what help was on offer. He also allowed me choose the route that I wanted to take in order to tackle my depression. That step was hugely significant. Why? Depression has a great ability to disempower us and make us feel worthless by mixing up our thoughts and emotions. I felt powerless to stop the miserable feeling I had in my head and soul and had no control over how I was feeling. However, what the doctor did in that 15 minute consultation was to give me back some power and put me in control again. In giving me options (which I'll speak about shortly) my doctor allowed me to choose a course of action that gave me back a sense of empowerment, control and self-worth. Depression had been controlling me; now I could be in control over my depression.*
*At this point, I have to interject with a point about my faith in Jesus. Skip this paragraph if you wish if you believe it is irrelevant to you, but it brings further clarity to my remarks about empowerment and control. I believe with all my heart that Jesus is in control of my life. He is in the driving seat. My value and worth are found in Him and what He has done for me to take away sin and shame through his death and resurrection. Jesus empowers me today through the help of the Holy Spirit, to be all that I am and all that I aim to be. In one sense, in my dealings with depression, these statements held true in my journey with Jesus. However, the negative thoughts and actions associated with depression had blinded any rational or logical thought processes associated with my faith. Depression is a very slippery slope and I lost my footing every time I tried to climb out of the mess I felt I was in. It has been a combination of professional help, the support of friends and family and my faith that have allowed me to gain footholds on the slope and climbing towards the summit.

In a recent conversation with other sufferers (past and present) we discussed how depression can often make the sufferer rationalise totally irrational thoughts. On occasions it can also be the opposite; making the rational appear irrational. Depression robs people of objectivity and clear thinking and often perceived problems and struggles will be blown out of all proportion by sufferers. A clear indication of depression is that sufferers will make rash decisions that are out of character and detrimental to their own well being. To help me move forward though, my doctor presented a number of options to me: Medication; antiOption 1: Medication; anti-depressants Many people find that there is a stigma associated with depression, and the mention of anti-depressants can heighten that further. Whilst wishing to avoid a sweeping statement, my observation would be that people generally seem to think antidepressants are a last resort; for when things get 'really bad'! Those suffering with depression may even think themselves 'weak' for having to use medication to level out and lift their mood. That is a lie. Whilst I made a conscious decision not to take medication I know a number of friends who have found anti-depressant medication to
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be very helpful in helping to control and overcome episodes of depression. There are a number of herbal and natural (rather the manufactured) medications available now too. Anti-depressants are a valid option in controlling depression. Option 2: Counselling For some people the idea of letting a stranger talk to them about their feelings is incredibly helpful. For other's it is equally nerve-wracking. I chose this option because I believed that if I dealt with the root cause(s) of my depression (which I mention later) I would be able to move forward given time and support. Option 3: Psychiatric help If things have gotten so bad with your depression that you're feeling suicidal and are having thoughts about ending your life, then this option is to be taken seriously. It is an extreme scenario, but it's an option that you may need to take.**
**I should point out option 3 was presented to me in case my depression worsened over time. It wasn't an option that was necessary in my initial consultation with my doctor.

Option 4: Do nothing You're probably wondering why I've included this option. Like it or not, doing nothing is an option. My doctor even said as such. We can ignore the issue, and hope it goes away (although in my experience, when you're depressed you have a feeling of hopelessness - to hope your depression will simply 'go away' does not cross your mind). However, even though it is an option in reality the 'do nothing' option IS NOT AN OPTION. I realised when this option was offered that it would be foolish to do nothing and maintain the status quo. You have to get help; you have to do something about your depression. Do not suffer in silence. Do not lock the world out. Talk to someone, say something to someone you trust. Seek help from your church pastor, your youth leader, a close friend. Go to see your doctor about the issue. Doing nothing about your depression is a dangerous option. So make sure that you 'do something'!

I'm certain there are further alternatives, but these were the choices that I was presented with. As already said, option 2 was the course of action I opted for, although in truth it was a slightly different form of counselling. Rather than talking to a counsellor, I decided to speak to a select number of people whom I trusted to talk through my issues and feelings. I chose this route for three main reasons. Firstly, the friends I chose understood where I was coming from and would see me from day to day rather than week by week or month by month. Because they knew me well, they would have a huge head start over a counsellor who would have to take time getting to know me. Secondly, the waiting list to see a counsellor through the NHS in my area was scandalous frankly. I was not prepared to wait 12-16 weeks for an initial consultation and then a further 8 weeks before a programme of counselling was put into
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place. Thirdly and finally, I believed that I knew what had triggered my depression an what , and was feeding it further. I had suffered a serious car crash a few months before (by the grace of God I lived to tell the tale) and I believe that kicked started my depression. My miserable depression. mood was then compounded by my mum being diagnosed with cancer and my work contract not being renewed. Three very different events but each with a huge mental impact and a capacity to cause great doubt and anxiety in my mind. So in order to move forward I realised er I required assistance to think through those issues rationally and objectively. issues I was truly blessed to be able to have three or four people around me who I trusted enough to share my issues with and talk through solutions. I still text these people from time to time to let them know if I'm having a bad day (or three) with my depression. These are people who I know will pray for me and give good advice if needed too. They are people who know how to encourage me and pick me up when I'm down. There are still days when I cannot be bothered to speak to people, when I'd rather stay hidden in my room, when I don't want to get up, when my head is full of fear and anxiety or I simply feel miserable. However, without sounding apathetic or blas I would say that my depression is currently under control. ic control Knowing what I know now, I can also look back at times in my teenage years and twenties where I'm certain I was suffering with depression. By the grace of God I managed to crawl out of those times without help or support or trips to the doctor. . In my most recent episode however, even though I was acutely aware of the cause(s) of my depression but was unable to deal
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with symptoms and feelings that came my way as a at

result. I am so grateful for the support of others who have helped me along the way. One of my greatest frustrations however during my latest episode of depression was the naive attitude of some people towards me and my depression One well-meaning but rather ill depression. meaning considered comment involved someone telling me that my faith in Jesus obviously was not as strong as I thought it was, and that's why I was suffering from depression. I just needed a little more faith. Honestly I wanted to t thump them in the face there and then! That's my anger and rage side showing right there. But seriously, people are sometimes quite unaware of the damage that can be done in comments like that. Another comment which was also very unhelpful was "What have you got to be depressed about?" Questions like that show a lack ou of understanding and empathy. And of course there's always "Chin up!" or "Cheer up!" or "Pull yourself together". Such stupid things to say. Trust me if I could have cheered myself up . . I would have done so. I don't enjoy being miserable; honest! Those sorts of questions and comments show how little understanding some people have about depression. depression People can often mean well, but say something that will send you into a tailspin. They wo even realise won't what they've said. That's why it's important to have people around you to talk to and listen to what you have to say.
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Conclusions
I'm in a much better place than I was two years ago. However, I am not complacent. I still have bad days and weeks and sometimes I can feel absolutely awful with a head full of self doubt and self-worth. Depression never truly goes away. However, it has no right to control me or you either. Depression has no right to enslave or disempower you. I don't ever want to get to a place where I feel so low for so long again. And I trust that with the help of friends, family and my faith I will not be allowed to go there. I hope and pray that this piece of work will be of value and a help to you and I am happy to talk to you should you have any questions about what I have written.

Further Online Resources

There are some excellent resources around the web that will give you even more information on the subject of depression. The links to these are provided below:

http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/D/depression/ http://www.depressionalliance.org/ http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/depression http://www.rethink.org/young_people/mental_health_tips/helping_someone_who.html

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