Day 31 - The Battle I seem to have the best parents. They are my friends, my guide, my companions as well as my parents.

They have been there for me right from the time when I was an infant. They taught me how to walk, talk, speak, behave and above all they gave me a set of priceless values which make me unique. The kind of personality and image which I carry today, I owe a large part of it to them. They support me with all my decisions and help me mend the wrong ones. They provide me all sorts of assistance. They are the best people in my life. But then, there is a cloudy side to it too, things aren't that pleasant always. It seems as if my parents have failed to register the fact that I am growing up. I need a certain level of independence which isn't provided to me. My parents think that I am still that Grade 1 child who is too innocent amd fragile to face this world. Apart from this, we have clashing opinions. They never try to see things from my perspective. They try and force their opinions on me. They try and bind me with rules which are way too difficult to follow. I know that they care, but then too much of boundation isn't good. There are days when I want to break free of this dependence and be all alone, all by myself. ' It is from your parents that you learn love and laughter and how to put one foot before the other. But when books are opened you discover that you have wings.' ---------------------------------All teenagers have some or the other issues with their parents. Some think that their parents interfere way too much, while others think that they don't fulfill their demands. Above all, the mindset clashes. Blame the generation gap. Our generation has seen rapid social progress. This enhances the Gap even more. No doubt, our parents have changed with the changing times, but there are certain aspects of teenage that they cannot comprehend. Our impulsiveness scares them. There are certain things that are a complete 'No'. But then, there can't be a ban on everything. The sole outcome of strictness is rebellion. There is no use of finding out who actually is at fault. The answer could disappoint many. Do not give in to parental pressure. The best solution is to talk. Instead of arguments, have discussions with your parents. Tell them how it feels to see the world through your eyes. Try and make them understand what you think. This would help, a lot. It's not only them, you'll feel good too. Make your parents your friends. But, when necessary obey whatever they say, without objections. For you know that these are the only people in this whole wide world whom you can blindly trust. Every decision that they take for you will only take you higher. Their decisions may be hard to accept at times, but once you do, it'll make your life better. ' Children begin by loving their parents, after a time they judge them, And rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. '

Day 32 - Always there by your side We may not be the best of friends, but we are good enough. Whenever I need help, you're just a call away. You may not have been there with me during my good days but you were always there to help me through the bad ones. We may talk once in weeks, but whenever we do, it is the usual Us, even better. Whenever I am in a bad mood, you are the first person I go to. When others let me down, it was you who held me up. I love talking to you, I love sharing things with you. There were times when I had been mean, but this wasn't enough reason for you to leave me. But I promise to be there for you too, always. I know sooner or later, something or the other will seperate us. Be it distance or time. But the least I can do is struggle through it and mantain this wonderful relation that we have. Whenever you need someone whom you can count on, I'll be there. Whenever you need a shoulder to cry upon, I'll be there. If there comes a time when you think that all is lost, just look around and you'll find me there.You are one of those very few people, who have left an impression on me. You entered my life and made a difference. Because I know this bond between us is unique. It is a treasure. ' Hard times don't last forever, People like Us do. Always remember that no matter what, I will always be there for you. I cannot solve all your problems, but I promise that as long as you have me, you will never have to face them alone.' ----------------------------------------Almost all of us have such a person in our life. We share such a unique bond with someone. That person may be a friend, a partner, a parent, a relative or at times a mere acquaintance. You may not meet or talk to that person regularly, but you are quite close to them. They know stuff about you which not many people do. You tell them things which you probably cannot discuss with anyone else. Beacuse he/she o one person who will listen to all that you have to say without judging you. The person will never form opinions about you. Whenever you want the most genuine and the best advice, you automatically refer to them. Wherever life may take you in future, you want this person to be there with you. There are people whom you love, your friends, parents, your partner and others. These are the people you live your life with. But then there are these people whom you love and treasure at the same time. You treasure and respect this special bond for you know that this particular person has given you a lot to learn from. This person has been a friend, a critic, a source of inspiration all at the same time. So, if you have any such person in your life, dedicate this to them. Let them know how much they are treasured. ' Everything changes as we grow up, so do our priorities. But one thing that I know will never change is Us. Because you were never a priority, you were always a necessity. '

Day 33 - We Lie There are certain things in life that I want to change, but can't. I cannot bring myself to face the reality and accept it. So, I found an easy way out. I Lie. I lie all the time. I lie to myself. I tell myself that things will change, I create a fantasy world of my own. I imagine how life would be if I actually had what I wanted. I tell myself that I'll be okkay. I tell myself that things will be just the way they used to be. I assure myself that I look good, on days when I don't. All these lies feed the dying hope within me. They instill in me the courage to start afresh. There are days when reality strikes me hard in the face. There are not many options then. All that is left then is the Truth. The hard and bitter truth. Grudgingly, I have to give up on my ego and accept that I was wrong. I accept that it is not alright anymore. I accept that I have to let go of certain things, no matter how much I want to cling to them. I accept that certain lost chances will never come back to me again and certain people who've left me behind will never come back for me. But this is my way of self recovery. I lie. I ignore the negatives. Focus on the on the brighter things. This makes things easier temporarily. 'Whether we like it or not, But here's the truth about truth - It Hurts. So, we lie.' ---------------------------------Honesty is the Best Policy, they said. Lying is a sin, they said. But who cares? Whether it is for consolation, support, comfort or just for the sake of it, we all lie. It gives us a temporary sense of satisfaction. It assures us that things are on the right track. We lie to ourselves all the time. We lie that we're not lonely, we lie that were not heartbroken, we lie that it'll all be fine, soon. It isn't a way out of the problem, but it makes it easier to go through it. For some people, it is a way to hide their weakness. They don't want the world to know they're hurt. So, no matter how shattered we are on the inside, we put up a false show for people. And if people think we're fine, we are fine. No matter how hard we try to ignore it or deny it, Eventually all the lies fall away. Leaving us alone, all by ourselves. We cannot live in denial Forever. One fine day, the truth will walk upto us. It will show us where we were wrong all this while. It will make us realise all that we once tried to overlook. It will force us to let go of this false hope.We will then have to accept things the way they are. Things cannot be our way always. There are certain things that were never.meant to be and all of us have to accept them, the sooner the better. For life isn't about how much we lost, but it's about how hard we tried. 'None of the secrets is worth keeping. Only the ones that you hide from yourself, are the most damaging and hurtful of all. Truth is truth, and lie is lie. Tell yourself one's the other and you are the most vulnerable thing in this world.'

Day 34 - The Haunting Past It was as if we were always meant to be together. When I met him, I realised how it feels to be with that special someone. He made me realise the worth of love. Life with him was perfect. We had a clear picture of our future right in front of our eyes. I started thinking that life was perfect. I was sure that our relationship was flawless. We decided thatnow that we were so sure of our relationship, there should be no secrets between us. This was a turning point in our relationship. This 'no secrets' deal revealed certain things about his past which I was earlier unaware of. This was not a very pleasant experience. He had a hell of a past. I never knew. I always thought that as long as our future was clear, knowing the past was of no use. It was only when things were presented in front of me, that I realised the actual situation. Although I never show it, his past haunts me till date. It makes me insecure. I became aware of the actual reason of his overprotective behaviour. His past had shattered him, but at the same time it had hardened him from the inside. It is kind of hard to get these images from his past out of my mind. I still love him the way I used to. But there are times when I regret knowing about his past. ' We both deny it, but if we look close into each others eyes, we know our love is different. We know we have a future full of feelings that were left behind by us in our past. ' ----------------------------------All of us have our own story, our own experiences and our own past. Some hold good records, while for others it was a new lesson to learn. For others, our past is just a story like that of a daily soap. There are a very few people who are actually affected by our past. They are the people who are with us in our present. Think of it in the other way, if you come to know about the not-so-lukeable past of your partner. What would be your reaction. What if this revelation intensely affects you at an emotional level? What if it makes you question the very existence of your relationship? It leaves you with not many options. Option one, you can ignore your partner's past and move on with the relationship. After all, if the present is satisfying, you can easily overlook the past. Option two, understand your partner's feelings and instead of holding him responsible, sympathize with them. It takes a strong emotional resolve to do so. Promise them that you will never let them go through the same ever again. The last and the most selfish option, sacrifice your present for the sake of your partner's past. Walk away and leave them alone to face the same emotional turmoil again. My personal advice to you is, choose from the first two. Completely ignore the last one. ' You never realize what kind of love you have, until you almost walk away from it and come back to find that it may be too late. '

Day 35 - Is it really worth it all? He is responsible for this new me. It was he who complicated things. He made me go through all the pain and the agony. I loved him. He knew I did. He actually never reciprocated my feelings. I kept on convincing myself to wait a little more, but to no avail. I was so in love. It was a craze. It had to be, it was the very first time this was happening to me. I enjoyed it at first. The adrenaline rush, the accelerated heartbeat, the senseless blushing - It was all so good. I was happy and waiting. I never bothered to look around and acknowledge the better things around me. One fine day, reality struck me hard. It left me feeling guilty. I felt bad for what I had done to myself. How could I waste almost an year of my life over someone so unworthy of it? I thought that as long as I have him, I need nothing more. How could I do this to myself? Today, I see him moving on with his own life, without even caring to check of I exist. He never needed me. I was always a passtime. Or a standby option, maybe. But today, I am glad I realized my real worth. I know where I should be. I realized that cribbing over someone never helps. If a person doesn't want you in their life, you'll never have them in yours. It is better to move past that person. 'Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.' ----------------------------------Today, let us all be practical for a change and not emotional. Relationships are good as long as they work. If both sides are equally happy, it can't get any better. But, does one-sided love actually do good to anyone? It may or may not transform into a relationship. And oftentimes, it doesn't. What does it actually bring to us? Unwanted tears, heartbreaks and a stupid obsession. I don't say having a crush on somebody or liking someone is bad. But being obsessed is. It is such a common sight to see teenage girls cribbing over the fact that the guy doesn't care enough. If the other person doesn't bother, then why should you invite unnecessary trouble? An alternative, love yourself more than anyone else. Try and impress yourself. Do things that you love. Make your hobbies your passion. Discover yourself. Know yourself. Give yourself time. Fall in love, but not at the cost of your own happiness. Accept yourself the way you are. Change things that you don't like about yourself. Try and impress yourself once, and see how you fall in love with that pretty face which you see in the mirror each morning. This may prove to be an emotional challenge at first, but things aren't as difficult as they seem. Love yourself first, loving someone else would be easier then. 'You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.'

Day 36 - Soul Sisters I always thought that I was one of a kind. There was no one like me. My habits, my behaviour and my way of handling things was unique. This made me feel out of place at times. I secretly wished that I had a twin sister. Someone who would know how thungs are for me. Someone who would understand why I am the way I am. Then I met her. She was just an acquaintance at first. As time passed, I got to know stuff about her. We shared our experiences, our opinions and our thoughts. It was amazing how we turned out to be so similar. We had a lot in common. We had the same preferences, the same opinions regarding certain things. It was so good to finally meet someone like me. Although we weren't related, she was no less than a sister to me. We were soul sisters. The striking similarities between us caused me to give away this title to her. She is one person with whom I can share things that can't very shared by anyone else. This is because I know she sees things from a similar perspective. She knows how and why I judge certain things. I love her company. I adore her personality. Maybe because she's a lot like me. Or even better. 'What's the good of news if you haven't someone to share it? ' ----------------------------------There lies some truth in the saying that Opposites Attract. But that does not mean that people run away from those who are similar to them. It is always a pleasure to find someone who is like you in many ways. Everyone needs such company. Everyone needs someone who knows how the world appears through their eyes. It was always good to have someone who has the same interests, the same way of life, and the same mentality as you. You can always discuss what you have in mind, because mostly you both will find yourself at the same path. There are certain things about you which no one may understand, but this person does. Probably because she's been through the same. Such a person will know what is to be said to put you in the right mood. You may not be related to this person actually, but you hold them close to your heart. They are a reflection of what you are or what you want to be. There are so many things that you can learn from them. So many things that you can teach them. Such a person has answers to all the unexplained questions that spring up in your mind. It is always a blessing to have someone who is so similar to you in your life. ' A Soul Sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.'

Day 37 - And He Returns... A Sequel to Day 2. I spent days thinking of all possible ways to reach for him. I spent nights crying over him. I blamed him, I blamed myself. I blamed our love for being so fragile. I wasted three years of my life for a relationship that never worked out. Of course, our relationship had issues, every relationship does. But that does not mean that you sneak away like a coward. You are expected to fight through them. But he didn't. Without saying a word, he left. He left without giving me any answers as to Why and How all this happened. After a long span of time, I finally succeeded in convincing myself that he wasn't worth it. If he wanted a relationship, he would have made an effort to stay. After a great deal to struggle, I finally pushed him to the back of my mind. I convinced myself that We were no more meant to be. But then... One day, he suddenly reappeared in my life out of nowhere. Shaking my emotional resolve. Today, he is back. He says he wants a relationship, but not a future. I have never been more puzzled in my life. I want to yell at him and accuse him for making me go through this pain all these years. But there is a part of me that still wants to hold on to him, that still wants to give him a second chance. The other part wants to abandon him and move on. Does moving on prove that ours was a fling? The very thought of it makes me feel guilty. ' I wish I could snatch away all those precious moments of my life that I wasted crying over you. As impossible as that sounds, I will never let that happen to me again. I may not be strong enough right now, but eventually I will have the strength to let go. I Will move on, leaving you far behind.' -----------------------------------Life challenges us during the most crucial times. When we think that we are very sure of what we want, it forces us to question our own decisions. Just when you think you are over someone, he crosses your path again. He makes you recall all the good times that both of you had together. He says he wants you back, but with a set of conditions. He melts your heart when he says all those sweet things to you. You want to move on, but he holds you back. When the person you've been craving for since so long comes to you, you feel like giving in. But think before you give your relationship a second chance. He made you go through all the pain. All you willing to go through the same yet again? He left you when you needed him the most. How can you be sure that he won't do the same again. A guy who never stood for you in your bad days doesn't deserve to be a part of your good ones. Don't let a mistake from your past snatch away your future. Don't fall into that ditch again. For doing this will make you all the more vulnerable. ' You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over -analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... OR You can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.'

Day 37 - And He Returns... A Sequel to Day 2. I spent days thinking of all possible ways to reach for him. I spent nights crying over him. I blamed him, I blamed myself. I blamed our love for being so fragile. I wasted three years of my life for a relationship that never worked out. Of course, our relationship had issues, every relationship does. But that does not mean that you sneak away like a coward. You are expected to fight through them. But he didn't. Without saying a word, he left. He left without giving me any answers as to Why and How all this happened. After a long span of time, I finally succeeded in convincing myself that he wasn't worth it. If he wanted a relationship, he would have made an effort to stay. After a great deal to struggle, I finally pushed him to the back of my mind. I convinced myself that We were no more meant to be. But then... One day, he suddenly reappeared in my life out of nowhere. Shaking my emotional resolve. Today, he is back. He says he wants a relationship, but not a future. I have never been more puzzled in my life. I want to yell at him and accuse him for making me go through this pain all these years. But there is a part of me that still wants to hold on to him, that still wants to give him a second chance. The other part wants to abandon him and move on. Does moving on prove that ours was a fling? The very thought of it makes me feel guilty. ' I wish I could snatch away all those precious moments of my life that I wasted crying over you. As impossible as that sounds, I will never let that happen to me again. I may not be strong enough right now, but eventually I will have the strength to let go. I Will move on, leaving you far behind.' -----------------------------------Life challenges us during the most crucial times. When we think that we are very sure of what we want, it forces us to question our own decisions. Just when you think you are over someone, he crosses your path again. He makes you recall all the good times that both of you had together. He says he wants you back, but with a set of conditions. He melts your heart when he says all those sweet things to you. You want to move on, but he holds you back. When the person you've been craving for since so long comes to you, you feel like giving in. But think before you give your relationship a second chance. He made you go through all the pain. All you willing to go through the same yet again? He left you when you needed him the most. How can you be sure that he won't do the same again. A guy who never stood for you in your bad days doesn't deserve to be a part of your good ones. Don't let a mistake from your past snatch away your future. Don't fall into that ditch again. For doing this will make you all the more vulnerable. ' You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over -analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... OR You can just leave the pieces on the floor and move on.'

Day 39 - Growing Up I had a real bad day today. And in the end, it left me amazed. I was amazed at how things change. How people change. How the people whom you once proudly called your friends are now the ones who make life difficult for you. I realised that I am surrounded by diplomats. Life isn't as simple as it appears to be. People aren't as sweet as their words. Behind the curtain, there is a big bad world. There are people who are looking forward to an opportunity to bring you down. When you try and care for someone, they call it interference. When you voice your opinions, you are mocked. There is no solution to this. The only way out is to accept things the way they are. It is on days like these that I hate being a grown up. Things were just so simple back then. Our friends were ours. Fights never lasted for more than a few hours. Nobody new what backstabbing meant. Competition was never a part of friendships. All it took was a handshake to set things right. There were no heartbreaks, no arguments, no diplomacy. We were what we were and people liked us that way. Other peoples opinion was never a problem. And all this while I thought growing up would be Fun. ' The hardest part about growing up is letting go of what you were used to, and moving on with something youre not.' ----------------------------------Life isn't as depressing as people make it. There is a lot more to it. People often create their own problems. As we grow up, we think we know too much. We start finding faults in little things. We start looking down upon others. We think we are perfect. Competition ruins friendships. People hold grudges for a lifetime, for their egos don't allow them to apologise. People casually walk in and out of relationships. Everyone wants more than the other person has. People cannot bear it if their colleagues are more successful. They do all that it takes to drag them down. We grow up to realize that our family was never a Happy one. We grow up to see how the world runs on money. So, never let the child inside you die. For that is the best in you. It is the only part of your heart which is devoid of all the negative emotions. All it has is the sweet innocence that knows no cheating, no lies. All it knows is how to enjoy the little things in life. It believes in magic. It believes that fairytales do exist. Try and learn lessons from your childhood. Try to be like you were. Let go of everything, don't care about the consequences, ignore the fact that there is a bad world our there who is judging each step that you take. Do what you like, be who you are. Not what people want you to be. Grow up just the way you thought you would as a kid. Try and find happiness in the little things that life offers us, and through big things just won't matter anymore. ' If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to do what I love, I'll never grow up, never grow up never grow up! Not me!'

Day 40 - You're already taken I still don't know what brought me to you. I was better off without you. My life was complete. More importantly, I was happy. Then, you walked in, or rather I walked to you. After a chain of events I found myself getting attracted towards you. I denied for long, but one fine day I had to accept the fact that I liked you. I liked you in a way that no words could define. I found myself looking for reasons to talk to you, excuses to be with you. I had started believing that you were undoubtedly a part of my future. I old myself that we, were meant to be. All this while, I had been ignoring a very important character in my life. It was her. You had her already, and you couldn't keep both of us at the same time. Neither could you leave her. For I had seen the love that you had for her. I had noticed the sparkle in your eyes whenever she was around. I had seen that the both of you together. She loved you you had her. I was nowhere near. I wished that I had walked in your life a bit earlier. Maybe that could have changed things. Maybe or maybe not. Instead of hanging on to you for a lifetime, knowing that I could never have you, I decided to go ahead with my life. You had received you share of happiness, I went out searching for mine. It hurts to accept the fact that I was wrong, the fact that all those fantasies were a waste and the fact that you will never be a part of my life again. But I did. Apart from those occasional emotional breakdowns, I am a stronger person now. ' Is it actually possible to fall for someone who is capable of loving someone else? ' -------------------------------------When you know you love someone, but you can never have them as a part of your life. Many people know the exact feeling. Reasons can be many, maybe that person does not feel the same way, maybe he doesn't know or maybe he's already taken. The last one, hurts the most. Falling for someone is never a choice, but falling hard is. It is on you how much you get attached to that person, even after knowing that rejection is all that you'll get. Sooner or later, everybody accepts that it isn't meant to be. The sooner, the better. You should know that one sided love fetches nothing but guilt, frustration and a bucket full of tears. Isn't it a self- inflicted thing then? No one wants to start a new relationship by ruining an existing one. But, at the same time, you cannot keep on crying over someone who will never come to you. For once in life, all of us are done being selfless and think for ourselves, think practically and reach a suitable conclusion. Getting over someone is an easy mental decision, but when you try the same you come across a whole lot of emotional confusion. All that matters, is moving on. Leaving behind people who are not meant to be a part of your life. And walking towards those who deserve a place in there. ' Those dreams of yours are shining on distant shores and If they are calling you away I have no right to make you stay. '

Day 41 - Seize the Moment I want to go back in time and change things. I know I can't. If things would have been just a little different then, life would have been much easier today. I shouldn't have let opportunities pass by so easily. I shouldn't have said no. For once, I wish I had said yes without considering the circumstances. Now, all that is left are a handful of lost opportunities. Life gave me a chance to prove my worth, and I was foolish enough to let it pass by so easily. I thought I might get better in future. I thought it just wasn't good enough for me. I decided to wait for a bigger chance. And now, there is none. I stand all.alone, disillusioned, staring at the blank spaces in my life. All I see is darkness. I often look back and regret. I curse myself for not trying. I realize what I lost. This has only made me more cautious. I realized that at times, we just have to grab the moment and live it to the fullest. For there may not be a second one. Now, I try and seize every opportunity that comes my way, I try and accept every challenge that life throws at me. I will relish whatever little life has in store for me. 'I've got big shoes to fill. This is my chance to do something. I have to seize the moment.' ---------------------------------Life is a fair game. All of us get equal chances, equal opportunities. But not many make it a point to grab all of them. Some are too lazy to try, others are way too scared. This way, we often let wonderful moments pass by us. We wait for a better chance in the future. We think we are satisfied with whatever we have. But there is much more to life than just existing, we have to live through it. We have to survive through the challenges, pave our way through the obstacles. We have to learn how to laugh away our tears. All these are chances that life offers us. The chances which help us to grow and evolve as an individual. The story written above is of a person who simply let the opportunities in life slip away from his hands. It can be a chance to do what you love, a chance to prove yourself, a chance to do what you want, a chance to let go. So, grab whatever little life offers you and make the most of it. Live each day like it's the last you have with you. For life never guarantees second chances. Do things that you can, try doing things that you can't. For it is better to try and loose, than to not try at all. If you try, you may or may not succeed. But if you don't, you will never succeed. 'Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.'

Day 42 - He is a mystery Either it's he who is confused, or I am overthinking. Today he was so sweet to me, he made me feel so special. We talked for hours. On such days, I start believing that he feels for me. I start believing that he wants a relationship. He gives me hope. Those are my good days. I cannot help but think of the time when we would be together. Then there are days when he acts all indifferent and unconcerned. Those are the bad ones. The days that shatter all my hopes. The days that make me feel low. He treats me like an old rotten piece of furniture lying in some corner of his life. Are these mood swings? Does he treat me like an entertainer when bored? All this puzzles me. There are so many questions springing up in my mind. I go insane while searching for answers but I get none. What am I actually supposed to do? Wait? Until when? I can go on guessing for hours without reaching a suitable conclusion. 'Yes, I like you. More than words can explain. But boy, you are kidding yourself if you think that I will wait around for you to make up your mind.' --------------------------------The most troublesome period of the task relationship chain - the guesswork. You are almost sure of what you feel but have no clue what the other person feels. A person can obviously guess the other person's feelings. But then you never know what the other person thinks. And when the other person throws hints at you, hints that are a sharp contrast to each other, you can't help but go crazy. It frustrates you. Probably because you don't know how long to wait. You don't even know whether this patience will pay off or not. Try and give that person some time. Instead of confusing him even more, let him be calm for a while and think. Wait, but only if you think that it is worth it. There is obviously no point waiting endlessly, only to get hurt in the end. If it is meant to be, sooner or later, it will happen. Maybe yours wasn't supposed to be Love at First Sight. Maybe he doesn't want to rush into things. You can thus find a thousand reasons that could make you wait. Take a final decision and stick to it. If you decide to wait, then wait. Without grumbling. If you decide to let go, then let it be, without any regrets. 'Hold onto what you love. Stay true to what you know. Take everything you Dream of and Never let it go.'

Day 43 - The Gift of a Sibling Ever since childhood, I've had many friends. As we grew up, switched schools, I lost touch with many of them. Some are still there. But I have that one special friend who has been with me ever since I took birth. A friend who simultaneously plays many roles in my life. He is my sibling. I know I can share anything and everything about my life with him. Because he is the one who has seen me grow and evolve as a person. He has seen me change. He knows me better than all my friends. Probably because he is one of the very few people who has seen my weird side. I accept the fact that we fight, a lot. We not only fight but we argue, we yell, we accuse and attack each other as well. On such days he is the most pathetic creature to me. I call him all the bad names that I can then recall. I wish to kick him out of my life. But, at the end of the day, I know I can never do it. As much as I hate sharing my things with him, I love sharing my secrets with him. Though they are often used as weapons for blackmailing me. I know that no matter how many friends I make in life, my sibling is a person who is the actual friend. Because he is the one who was there since the beginning and promises to be there till the very end. ' To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.' ----------------------------------Siblings are a unique combination of friends and family. They give us the warmth and security of family as well as the understanding of friendships. They are a slightly different version of us. They can be our closest friends, if given a chance. Because they know us as a person much better than any of our friends do. During the early stages of our life, we spend a large amount of our time in their company. They have a great influence on us. They can be our guide, our mentor, our friends and our family. As we grow up, we are preoccupied with so many other things that we often fail to keep up with them. We think that now that we have a family of our own, we don't need them anymore. This is where we go wrong. Because no matter how many new friends we may make, none of them can really replace our siblings. Life offers us a choice when it come to choosing certain things like Our friends, our jobs, our life partners. But then there are other things that are pre-decided for us. One of them are our siblings. They are our friends chosen exclusively for us by God. So undoubtedly, they are the Best. ' Our siblings. They resemble us just enough to make all their differences confusing, and no matter what we choose to make of this, We are cast in relation to them our whole lives long.'

Day 44 - I miss the Old Him We had a fairytale beginning, almost. Things were perfect back then. There was love, there was commitment, there was trust. Our relationship was nearly perfect in all means. He used to be concerned about me, gave importance to whatever I said. He made me feel like an essential part of his life. Things were great. And I only anticipated that they would get better with time. I overlooked the darker side. But as time passed, he seemed to have changed. He is now a very different version of what he earlier was. He is in no way similar to the guy that I fell for. He is no more the same person. His priorities seem to have changed as well. We argue more and talk less. On some days, I feel that I am being taken for granted. While on others, I wonder if he has lost interest in me. I cannot prevent these baseless thoughts from crowding my mind. This behaviour of his makes me derive all sorts of conclusions about the future of our relationship. Whenever I try and bring up this topic, he casually ignores the topic and walks away. Is he bored? Is there nothing left in this relationship? Has the love faded away? There are so many questions and not many answers. I would do all that it takes to set things right, provided he wants me to. I want to revive the lost love yet again. I wish to go back to those good old days when all was well. When all that mattered was Us. 'As soon as you get too comfortable, that's when things fall apart.' --------------------------------------Amidst all these young relationships, the concept of true, undying love has ceased to exist. There could be a multiple reasons to it. Are we too immature to know the true worth of relationships? Do we get bored of dating the same person? Are we yet to understand the concept of being with each other through thick and thin? Or probably, when we know we are loved by someone, we take that person for granted. On the other side of this change, lies the victim. The person who gives all that he/she has to revive the relationship. A person who has spent hours wondering what went wrong. If you have even the tiniest of doubts about anything in young relationship, talk it out. For the suspense kills the other person. If you say you want to be with someone, stick to it. You may think your girl is over-reacting, but this isn't the actual picture. She can sense that the relationship is degrading, and she is concerned. She gave all her time and emotions to this commitment because she always thought that it would last. Explain her your reasons, tell her what actually went wrong and you will see how she sets things right at once. Realize what you have before it slips away from your hands. ' Stop pretending that things are more complicated than they are! You either love someone or you dont, so stop hanging on to them.'

Day 45 - My School Life Today, as I was filling my details in the exam answer sheet, I realized while entering my class, Just one more year of school. Just another year of memories. After an year, it'll all be gone. We would never be able to be the same again. All the madness, the fun, the togetherness would vanish. No more bunks, corridors, classrooms and teachers. All this willbe left far behind. Me and my friends, we would no longer be hanging out in groups. Those stupid, silly pranks and those baseless jokes would not be a part of my daily routine anymore. We wouldn't be together, our school would not be a part of our life anymore. When I first stepped into this new world, I had no clue about what it held in store for me. As years passed, the once closed chapters of my life opened, absorbing me into them. Throughout the journey I met innumerable people, some were friends, others acquaintances and the remaining foes. As I moved forward with these people, I unfolded various lessons of life. I learnt how to trust people, I learnt how to evolve, I learnt what I was meant for. These initial years of my life have given me truckloads of memories. It has been a mesmerising journey. All thanks to the people who were a part of it. I wish all this didn't have to end so soon. I wish I could reverse the hands of the clock and go back in time yet again. I can trade my happiness, just to have those days again in my life. ' The richness of life lies in the memories we have forgotten.' ----------------------------------The best way to know te real worth of something is to realize that it may be lost. As much as we complain about our school days, the rules, the early morning classes, we realize what we had only when it is about to be snatched away from us. Ask the people who just passed out what their school days were like? It is indeed the best period of our life. We go through many emotions, many situations all throughost our school days. Not all memories are pleasant, but all of them are worth remembering. Throughout these years, our school emerged to be an essential part of our lives. Sometimes even called the second home. This second home holds within itself a second family. A family which is as important to us as our own family, sometimes even more. We spend our formative years with these people, grow up along with them, learn from each others mistakes. We learn how it is to mantain relationships amidst competition. We learn what true friends are like. We come across a wide variety of people and learn to tackle them. Apart from the education and knowledge, school life leaves us with ample of memories, a handful of heart wrenching experiences that stay with us wherever we go. The innocence and fun of school life is unmatched. Only those who don't get that enough realize what is it's actual worth. So, cherish those days forever. And for those who still have some of it left, make the most of it. ' Start of school : 4 new packs of pencils, 7 awesome folders, 10 pens, 3 packs of paper and 1 ruler.End of the school: innumerable memories and a whole bunch of crazy people who are the reason why you are the way you are today.'

Day 46 - The Dream Guy Despite being single, I have in my mind a kind of a perfect relationship plan that I want to follow. So, today, I pour out this secret wishlist to you, diary. I don't want a prince charming on a white horse, I don't want a grand proposal in a room full of roses. I want my relationship to be sweet, simple and natural. I don't want to force myself into a relationship. I want to adapt to the things that come to me naturally. I don't wish to have a problem free relationship. I want a relationship where I can find a best friend in my partner, where there are no undosclosed stories. I want this thing between us to be so strong that no third person has the ability to destroy it, ever. My Dream Guy was always pictured as someone who was there for me always, no matter how much worse things may get. I want him to be the one who stands for me when no one else does. The one who trusts me through the rough phases of our relationship. My Dream Guy is a guy who knows what my family means to me. A guy who respects them as much as he loves me. A guy who knows, when to be possessive and when to set free. A guy who can help me out of the darkness and guide me towards light. A Guy who is crazy enough to plan a future, together. And yes, I forgot to mention an important factor, The Looks. Looks don't matter as much as people think they do, but upto a certain limit, they do. 'Just for a moment, You get the feeling. Somethings are stolen and Someone is dreaming. ' ----------------------------------As our parents constantly plan our future, we teenagers constantly dream about it. The only difference being that ours are slightly irrational than the others. Those who already have a relationship, are busy planning the future of their relationship. The singles people out there, tired of being surrounded by couples and questions as to why they aren't dating, start picturing a relationship too. Every girl longs for a soul mate or a friend, someone who can understand her the way she is. Someone for whom she will never have to change. A guy who accepts her as she is, loves the Little Things about her. Oftentimes, what we get is the exact opposite of what we expect. Life is never perfect. And in a way, that is good because too much of Perfection is Boring. Life is not about trying to be perfect, it's all about enjoying and celebrating your little imperfections. And if you have someone who loves them as well, it becomes all the more fun. Relationships aren't about white horses and roses, they are about those little moments which were made special by the sheer presence of each other. They aren't about the number of dates or the number of parties a couple goes to, they are about the number of times share their happy moments with each other. Perfection can never be a part of Love. Love is priceless, it is something that forces even the most perfect people to change for each other. It's all about making an effort to stay, when everything about the relationship forces you to break free. It's all about crossing the puddles, hand in hand. 'Never underestimate what you got, maybe your fate and you dreams, they collided. Friends then, they decided to work to together and create a perfect match. And if you are still waiting, they might be working on it to make it good enough.'

Day 47 - The Fear Of Rejection There have been things that I wanted to do. There are things that I want to try. There have been things that I wanted to say. There are people that I wanted to Love. But out of these, I could do none. Just because I thought I wasn't strong enough to handle rejection. I did not want to risk my self-confidence. Once rejected, I know I will never be the same. I may never try again, because each trial will be a reminder of the former humiliation. I know that rejection will shatter me, I know that it will snatch away from me whatever little that I have today. It is not rejection that scares me, but the after effects of it. The fact that I will have to face a defeated person when I look into the mirror. The constant flashbacks. I decided to save myself from this trauma. I was too scared to face denial. So, I decided to give in. I decided that I won't try. There are times when I do regret my decision. When I see other people standing on a platform where I could have been if I had tried. They may be less capable then I am. But it is because they tried. They did not submit to that one moment of weakness. They had faith in themselves. They had the courage to fight through it. And they got it, they got what they wanted. On the other side, there are others who tried and failed, only to never try again. They have now lost whatever little hope they had. They are sulking and grumbling over their past. I don't know which side to choose. For now, I stand between the Devil and the Deep Sea. And I choose to stay in between, as long as I can. ' Chase your dreams until you catch them. And then dream, catch, And dream again!' -----------------------------------Whenever you give something a try, there are two posibilities, two outcomes. A positive, and a negative. The proportion may vary. But that does not matter. What matters is which side you choose to ignore. You can overlook the negatives and put in all that you have or You can move past the positives just to grumble about the negatives later. The choice is yours. People give up on their passions, they give up on their emotions. Just because they are too coward to handle rejection. Feelings remain unconfessed, oppertunities wither away. People doubt their capabilities, their abilities. They believe in what others say about them. Other people's opinion is the Verdict. Our own opinion never counts. It all depends on our point of view. It depends on whether we think that it's actually worth it. If we want something desperately, then, driven by Passion and Ambition, we may rush into it without even considering the consequences. On the other hand, if we have the tiniest of doubts, we wait. We think and over-think, deriving the worst possible conclusions. We should all learn to hear No. We should all be open to criticism. We should try, if not to win it, then atleast for some self-satisfaction. ' When you're following your inner voice, Doors tend to eventually open for you, even if they mostly slam at first.'

Day 48 - Why did he leave me? Maybe for something more divine. It was a miracle. To pull me out of the hell that I had put myself into was impossible. When I stepped into my first relationship, I had no clue where I was going. All I knew that I wanted a relationship and he approached me. I wanted a relationship, not because I was lonely, but because I was tired. I was tired of being Single. Tired of being the odd one out. My relationship was one of the worst that anyone had ever experienced. He was manipulative, selfish and more importantly, a jerk. He dragged me into the bad world. And I was so under the influence of my very First Love that I blindly followed him. He abused me, cursed the relationship and often used break up as a tool to blackmail me. I was too vulnerable to protest at that time. I did my best to save the relationship, not knowing that slowly and gradually he was leading me towards depression and self-destruction. Post breakup, I was shattered, in depression. He made me feel that I wasn't worth a relationship. The troubles he caused were not only limited to me, but they also affected my family. But they were the ones who stood by me, supported me. In no time, the sky was clear again. The dark clouds had vanished. All thanks to that one person who walked into my life and brought along with him ample happiness and warmth. He is something much more than I ever deserved. Not only did he pull me out if my past, but also led me towards a brighter future. Today, whatever I am, I owe it to him. If it was not for him, I don't know where I would have been today. ' All this pain and hurt, it's time for your to see, That in the end, it's not always me. Take a stand and be the man you say you are, Because if you don't, in this life you won't get far.' ------------------------------------------Everyone has bad times. Everyone has a past. It just depends on how good or bad it is. If it was a good one, we can cherish it for years to come. If it was a bad one, it probably left us with a lesson. Getting over your past isn't that hard, avoiding the memories is. There are constant flashbacks, constant reminders. Everything that you do reminds you of your past. The guilt, the anger, the frustration and the agony. These memories make a person go through your terrible past, over and over again. You are lost, consumed by your past. At this point of time, all a that a person needs is a friend, a companion who can guide him/her out of this mess. Not many are lucky enough to find such a person, but quite a few of us are. Someone who can make your present so worthwhile that it becomes easy for you to blur thr images from your past. The person fills you with new memories, new lessons and a new life. It's almost like rebirth. You know that you have been to hell and back. So, for obvious reasons, you owe it all to the person who made it possible. Now that you are born again, you live cautiously, you choose people carefully. For you are afraid that you may land up in hell again. And if this happens again, you know that this time, there will be no coming back. ' Some dreams are only supposed to be in our fantasies. And some, make you believe in fantasies. History is important. But what's more important is the history that you're making today... A better one. A New one.'

Day 49 - The Exploration Things aren't very right. Everything is turning out to be a disaster. I expected better out of life, I deserved better. Months ago, I hadn't pictured my life to be so dull and boring. Why is this world and the people in it on a mission to let me down? With an objective to show me that I am not capable of anything worthwhile. As I look around see people doing wonders in their respective fields, I turn to myself and wonder, Am I not meant for anything at all? Is this what I was made for, sitting and marveling the others around me. While they take over the main stage and rule it, I sit somewhere in the audience, applauding. I lost my identity in the crowd, somewhere. I embark upon a journey to search for the real me, to find my purpose of existence. People often crib when they don't get an opportunity to do what they want to. My case is psychic, I don't know what I want to do. I decided to search, but couldn't seek. I decided to wait, but to no avail. When I look at those around me, they are the ones who are sure of their future. They are sure what they want from life. Why was I made this way? Why do I always have to be a part of the crowd? Do I never get to experience the limelight? Do I never get to see what the view from up there is? I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be ordinary. I don't want to loose myself in the crowd. But, whenever I make the slightest attempt, I am pushed down by the ones at the top. I want to get there. I want to climb the highest of them all. 'Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person.' -------------------------------------------------------------------This confused, depressing monologue probably belongs to someone who is tired of being ordinary. Someone who is a blend of some non-existent self-confidence and abundant dreams. The combination isn't feasible, at all. Just as a bird needs wings to fly, we need self-confidence to rise. No one wants a simple life. Everyone wants to be successful, if not rich. Renowned, if not famous. The thing with us teenagers is, as long as everyone is with us, life is perfect. But as soon as people start moving forward in their lives, we feel left behind. Why wait for someone to leave you and go ahead? Why not be the first one to move forward, the first one to chase your dreams. The first one to chase your purpose and grab it. To cut the long lecture short, sitting and grumbling about things won't help. It never does. Waiting for a miracle won't do the trick either. We all have to get geared up and work hard. If you are not ready to work hard, you will never know what success tastes like. All that you can then do is sit among the crowd and wave at the others, pretending to be happy for them. We need a purpose in life. as we grow up, we need an individuality of our own. 'Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom, enough said.'

DAY 50 - A Girl's Diary My morning wasn't a very bright one today. It happens oftentimes. I woke up in an awful mood. Today was one of those days when I realized how off-track my life has been. Nothing has turned out to be the way I wanted it to. I have been loosing more and gaining less out of life. Life is being unfair too often. Everybody is happy in theirs, except me. School. Amazing as usual. The place where I meet people who are just like me. The people who make me feel that I am not the only one out there to have such a weird mindset. As soon as I enter the classroom and see all those welcoming faces smiling at me, I tend to forget everything. Six hours and innumerable crazy moments. This is my second home. This is the place which fills me with positivity, absorbing everything that is negative out of me. I look at my friends and think, What on earth have I done to deserve such amazing people in my life? And, as I sit down to write this diary right now, I am in the middle of my daily session of overthinking. My thought process is at its philosophical best during the late hours of the night. I wonder about the things I want out of life, the actual possibilities of having them and other random stuff. I think about all those who are a part of my life. I wonder what life would have been like if they weren't there. I criticize myself for being what I am. I hate the way I look. I hate my hair, so I plan to condition them the next day. I hate my body, so I plan to go on a crash diet tomorrow. Though I instinctively know that I'd do nothing. It gives me temporary satisfaction, lessens the guilt. I go crazy making plans about my life. And the next day, all of them vanish in thin air, and reality looks at me right in the eyes. I hardly realize when my thoughts are transformed into dreams and I fall into a disturbed sleep, hoping to wake up to a miracle the next morning. ' I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.' -------------------------------------Confused? Well this is what goes through a teenage girl's head each day. Actually this is an extremely small and a very genralised version of it. You can't even start to imagine how vast the details are. We have mood swings, because we overthink. No girl has her mind free from such thoughts ever. Like it is male tendency to flirt, it is female tendency to overthink. They think and over think about a situation. They then re-think and think again. No matter what we are doing, we constantly have something or the other on our minds. All this because a girl goes through hundreds of emotions each day. The good ones make her happy, the bad ones depress her. And in the end, it is only the negative ones that leave an impact on her. We long see ourselves from the world's eyes. We want to know what people think of us when they see us. We are over-conscious. We want things to be perfect. We crib about things that make no sense at all. We have crazy ideas, stupid thoughts and weird fantasies. We are super emotional creatures. And it is simply because we are made to be this way. And in the end, this is why we are loved. And for all those guys who think that they got the most tempramental girl on this planet, trust me, it isn't only you. There are many people out there are asking the same question. Because in the end, each girl is the same. It's just her story that distinguishes her from the others. You never know what they're trying to hide behind that pretty face. 'The emotional and psychological stereotyping of females begins as soon as the doctor says, "It's a girl."'