Seven Intelligent Ways to Influence and Persuade

V1.0 by Judy Rees of www.intelligentinuence.com

Judy Rees 2010 www.intelligentinuence.com

 Judy Rees 2010 www.intelligentinuence.com

Contents

What this report can do for you Chapter 1: Grasp The Nature of Inuence Chapter 2: Use the easiest method to build rapport Chapter 3: Listen and win Chapter 4: Control the conversation with great questions Chapter 5: Use The Meta-Force! Chapter 6: Control emotions with the Power Switch Chapter 7: What do people really want? What happens next? About Judy Rees

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What this report can do for you

The fact youre reading this means you probaby want to become a more persuasive person. But how will that help you? Respondents in a recent survey said:

Whether youd have given one of those answers, or something different, this report will help you become a more elegant, more effective inuencer. It will help you to get your own way in a wide variety of different contexts. Whether youre at work, at home, out socialising... wherever you interact with people, these skills will help you. Importantly, theyll also help the people youre interacting with. And theyll enhance your relationships with those people. Youll discover their hidden depths, which makes conversation much more interesting, useful and fun. You need never be bored or nervous at a social event again! Intelligent Inuence is useful for people who sell, but its not just for salespeople. Its useful for parents, but not just for parents. Its useful for managers and for their staff, for analysts and consultants of all kinds, for journalists, marketers, designers... and for many other people. Many of my examples will refer to sales - but I trust you will be able to easily translate these into your own contexts.

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Who is Intelligent Inuence not suitable for?

Im sure youre already familiar with the concept of win-win outcomes. Well, win-win is at the heart of Intelligent Inuence. And that means its not for everyone. If you are determined to force your view on others at any cost, then Intelligent Inuence is not for you. Thats not inuence - thats bullying. But if you have something of real value to offer to others (and Im sure you do) then Intelligent Inuence will help convince people to buy it from you. If you are a hit-and-run salesman with no need or desire for repeat business, then Intelligent Inuence is not for you - at least, not just yet. In the short term, you will nd other, more suitable tools and techniques elsewhere. Perhaps youll choose to come back when the time comes for you to move up in the world, and to take a more senior role with a more mature approach to persuasion and inuence. If you want to stick with the crowd, and do what youve always done, then Intelligent Inuence is not for you. These are leading-edge techniques, drawing on some of the most exciting ideas from the science of the mind, which until now have been known to only a few scores of experts worldwide.

Whats in this report?

In this document youll discover the central principles and key skills of Intelligent Inuence. Youll nd out specically how you can use it to become a more persuasive person, to improve your relationships, and to get more of what you want in life. Youll discover how simple effective persuasion can be... and you may kick yourself for missing certain information which has been hidden in plan view until now. Ill share specic techniques and describe how you can use them in different contexts. And then its over to you. I can get this material into your hands, but its up to you to get it into your life. Use it! The sooner you do so, the more inuential youll become and the greater the impact on the people around you.

 Judy Rees 2010 www.intelligentinuence.com

Chapter 1: Grasp The Nature of Inuence

Once you understand the nature of inuence, then becoming more inuential - and reaping the benets of that - becomes simple. And after reading this chapter, youll grasp some important aspects of that nature. First, though, let me tell you a story. A few years ago, when I left a secure job managing a large team of journalists and set out as a freelance, I was terried of selling. I would break into a cold sweat at the thought of phoning a potential customer. And as you can imagine, that didnt help to build my business! I was working with some top-name NLP, hypnosis and persuasion experts to help them get their most powerful ideas down on paper (and on virtual paper in reports like this one). I had a strong grasp of their ideas and the way they wanted to present them, and was already an expert in interviewing and writing. I could talk to them easily about what they wanted... until a real possibility of paying work emerged. Then, the conversation became a sale, and a cacophony of warning bells and lights and buzzers went off in my mind, reducing me to a stammering wreck. Id tell myself Im no good at selling, and sure enough, my success was pretty limited. So I set out to learn all I could about sales and inuence, in the hope of overcoming my problem. I read all the books and interviewed many leading experts, creating a series of magazine articles. And at the same time I was also becoming an expert in a coaching and therapy technique called Clean Language (of which more later). And gradually a realisation emerged. Were always selling. Were always inuencing each other. Were always persuading. As fellow Clean Language enthusiast Phil Swallow puts it, The only way two people in the same place can avoid inuencing each other is if both of them are dead. From the time when you were a tiny baby, crying to inuence your mother to pick you up, youve been trying to inuence people. Have you been successful? Certainly, or you wouldnt still be here. We have to inuence people every day to survive in our connected world. The question is, could you be even more successful? I suspect so.

 Judy Rees 2010 www.intelligentinuence.com

Old and new models of inuence

People used to believe that selling or persuading was something that one person did to another. It was as if people were like billiard balls - the persuader simply needed to take his shot in a particuar way, the balls would roll smoothly aross the baize, and hed pocket a sale. The fast-talking salesman would have an armoury of linguistic tricks up his sleeve, which hed use (right on cue!) to trap his prospect into parting with cash. Buyers remorse might follow, but hed be long gone by then. In other words, the salesman believed: I have power over you and can make you do what I want. Never mind what you want. It was a Newtonian, mechanical view of the world. The Newtonian, mechanical view of the world is useful up to a point. Its very good at predicting the behaviour of billiard balls, for example. But as soon as life gets more complicated, at larger and smaller scales for example, the Newtonian rules of thumb are no longer enough to describe, or predict, what happens. And sales experts have discovered that similarly, the real world is more complex than the billiard table. The old tricks may be great for selling snake-oil from a market stall - but dont help when it comes to a year-long sales process for a massive new computer system. They may get the girl for a one-night stand, but they dont lead to happy marriage. And so increasingly the leading experts (such as Robert Cialdini of Inuence fame, Neil Rackham of SPIN Selling, James Borg in his bestseller Persuasion, or NLP and ethical inuence trainer Jamie Smart) take a larger and more holistic view. Put at its most basic, their structure for effective persuasion is: 1. Find out what the other person wants 2. Demonstrate how you can full this desire. Intelligent Inuence is also based on this simple structure. But unlike many other systems, it keeps rst things rst. It provides answers to a key question: answers that are noticeably absent from most books and courses on sales, persuasion and inuence. What, specically, should you do to nd out what people actually want? And as a bonus, Intelligent Inuence enables the process of nding out to power the whole sales or persuasion process - and ensure you get that win-win outcome easily.

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Too simple? Lets go deeper

A more sophisticated model of a sales or persuasion process might look something like this: Find out what the other person wants Demonstrate how you can full this

Expert persuaders - and Intelligent Inuencers - pay most attention to the rst part of the process. They have taken on board important lessons from the modern science of mind, and understand key principles such as: Emotion, not just rational thought, drives buying behaviour People buy from familiar people they like and trust People only buy once they really feel the pain of their current situation - but its unpleasant, so theyd rather not go there! Most sales training courses, however, focus on the second part of the process, and particularly on presentation skills. These are important and valuable, certainly, in getting your ideas across, and they can give you (and the trainer) an air of glamour and glitz. What they wont do, at least on their own, is get you the sale. For that, we need to get the horse and the cart in the correct order. Were going to focus on questioning, listening and information-gathering skills... and then use these skills to discover secrets that will give your presentations a killer punch.

 Judy Rees 2010 www.intelligentinuence.com

Chapter 2: Use the easiest method to build rapport

For once, the experts all agree: building rapport and trust is normally the rst step to persuading anyone of anything. In this chapter, youll learn a surprisingly simple technique to quickly build rapport on the phone, in email or in text messages, as well as in face-to-face conversations. Rapport - that sense of being on the same wavelength as another person - is vital to relationships. And effective relationships are vital to productive team working, as well as making working life more enjoyable. From the boardroom to the reception desk... consultants, contractors, offshore teams... salesmen, project managers, helpdesk... wherever people need to work well together, rapport oils the wheels. If you work or socialise with other people, then over the years, youve probably learned lots of techniques for establishing rapport. Youve learned to shake hands, to smile, and to keep your body language open. And you may have experimented with increasing eye contact (probably with mixed results - some people love lots of eye contact, others nd it very uncomfortable). The thing is: People trust people they like. People like people who they believe are like them. When you rst meet someone, of course, you know very little about them. So how do you overcome this barrier and convince them that you are actually very similar to them? In fact, its surprisingly easy to do. You dont need lots of background research. You just need to keep your eyes and ears open, focus on the other person rather than yourself, and use the information you receive in a very specic way. Heres the easiest method of building rapport there is: To quickly convince anyone that you are like them, use their words. Dont paraphrase - parrot-phrase!

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The magic of parrot-phrasing

This simple strategy works astonishingly quickly and effectively. Its like magic: its as if hearing their own words lulls the persons subconscious mind into trusting you. But its also based on solid science. In a recent piece of research, it was found that a waitress increased her tips by 70 per cent simply by repeating the customers order back to them, rather than saying okay or coming right up.1 Peoples words are important to them. By parrot-phrasing, you demonstrate that youve really been listening. When you use their words exactly, they feel respected and acknowledged. Youll become a member of their club - it seems obvious to them that you understand them, and that you are like them. Its no distance from there to being liked and trusted. So how, specically, can you do this? It works effectively in face-to-face conversations, on the phone, or in email or text message. You can simply repeat back the persons words, as if making a note for yourself. You can repeat them back with a curious tone, encouraging the person to say more. You can use their words in a question, such as one of the 2 Lazy Jedi questions (see next section). If neccessary, put their words in quote marks (perhaps using voice tone and/or gesture). You can remember the persons specic words for important information, and reintroduce them later in the conversation. It may feel slightly awkward for you the rst time you do this, simply because it is unfamiliar. But as they say: If you always do what you always do, youll always get what youve always got. Whats amazing, though, is how parrot-phrasing affects the other person. People typically report feeling really listened to, really understood. Its like you can completely see what Im saying, and it makes perfect sense to you, is how one described it. What needs to happen for you to try this out, right now?

Reported in A Dijksterhuis, P K Smith, R B van Baaren and D H Wigboldus (2005) "The Unconscious Consumer: Effects of Environment on Consumer Behaviour", Journal of Consumer Behaviour, 15, pages 193 - 202

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Chapter 3: Listen and win

Powerful persuasion begins with the ability to hear what others are saying, says James Borg in his bestseller Persuasion: The Art of Inuencing People. Another of my favourite quotations comes from Wilson Mizner. He said: A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. Our media-rich society quite rightly celebrates great speakers and writers. In books, on TV, online, in the papers, were continuously surrounded by fascinating and persuasive messages from people who have something to say. In all the noise, its easy to overlook the impact of good listening. Borg is quite right when he says: Of all aspects of communication, listening is the most important... Think about somebody you know who isnt a good listener. Who, in fact, never seems to listen to anything you say. Frustrating, isnt it? And how does it make you feel about that person? Chances are they will have a hard time persuading you as you are too busy feeling annoyed because they never listen... When people are accused of being poor listeners, it is usually done behind their backs. So they remain unaware of this major failing, which can lose them friends, work colleagues and business clients. According to Borg, the average person speaks at 120 150 words per minute, but thinks at 600 800 words per minute. So the listener is always ahead of the person doing the talking. Fast thinking is usually regarded as a good thing but not when you should be listening! In this context, it means that the listeners mind has time to wander, to make new connections and to start planning what they will say next. Before the speaker has come close to nishing the point they are making, the listener is poised to: Interrupt Finish the other persons sentence Talk over the other person

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Offer advice too soon.

No wonder so many relationships both personal and at work break down with the complaint: You never listen to me!

Three quick tips for better listening

Here are three rapid ways to up your listening game: 1. Pay attention! Turn off distractions such as phones, email, the radio or TV, and focus completely on the person who is speaking. 2. Ignore your own stream of thoughts. Mentally turn down the volume (or dim the picture) of your internal chatterbox (or kaleidoscope).2 Dont worry those thoughts are yours already! But this unique opportunity to listen to someone else will never come round again. 3. Get curious about the speaker. Every person is amazing: this is your opportunity to discover whats interesting about this individual, how they think and how they express themselves.

Make it even more fun by getting more curious

Lets try an experiment. Think of a ower. What kind of ower is your ower? Take a moment to make a few notes. Now ask someone else to think of a ower, and then ask: What kind of ower is that ower? Make a note of their answer. Then try someone else. No two owers will be identical. All the owers will be different from the one you were thinking of. They could be any of hundreds of species. They could be any colour or size. In someones minds eye, their ower could be in a particular location, or imagined on its own or in a particular context. A ower could look real or be like a photograph or a cartoon. Very soon the number of potential differences outweighs the similarities between different peoples owers.

More ways to go quiet inside incude: put your attention outside yourself; otice your internal dialogue and say sssshhhhh to yourself; place

your tongue just behind your top teeth so that its almost,but not quite, touching them.

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And yet, when someone mentions a ower, we think we know what they mean!

Its very easy to think that you know what someone means by what they say - when in fact you have only the vaguest idea of how the world seems to them. Once you decide youve got the message, its easy to stop listening and start grabbing for your turn to speak. As you hear their anecdote, even before the words are fully out of their mouths, youre thinking: Thats like something that happened to me... Listen! But as the ower exercise shows, we actually dont know what they mean, once we get down to any level of detail. Even with something as straightforward as a ower, everyones thinking is different. Once we consider more complex, abstract areas the differences become even larger. Quantitative easing, anyone? Relationships? The nature of God? Its a very safe assumption that you really dont know much about what someone means. The best way to nd out is to suspend judgment and stay curious. And when you stay curious, youll listen more deeply, ask useful questions, and learn more.

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Chapter 4: Control the conversation with great questions

In this chapter youll get your hands on some new toys! These are impressive gadgets precision persuasion tools that can have a massive impact on your persuasive power. The experience has been compared to grabbing a light sabre and starting to channel The Force! And it requires a certain amount of courage. Because at rst glace, these gadgets dont look paticularly exciting. Theyre questions. Why should questions be important to an elegant persuader? What difference can effective questions make? Whats important to you about questions?

Questions are the persuaders secret weapon, because they are spectacularly effective at capturing and directing peoples attention. When youre asking the questions, youre in control - and later in this report well explore how questions can be used to control peoples emotions. Questions can also be used to deepen rapport and trust. And of course, questions are great for gathering information. As I mentioned earlier, expert persuaders nowadays recognise that its essential to nd out what the other person wants before making your pitch. Learning to ask good questions, and to listen to the answers, is at the heart of the Intelligent approach to Inuence.

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The 2 Lazy Jedi questions

Let me introduce you to two very remarkable questions. Like Jedi light sabres, they are exible, multi-purpose tools. With practice, you can use them to direct someones attention with great precision, to focus on almost anything. The questions were orignally designed by David Grove, as part of his coaching and therapy system Clean Language. At rst glance they may look and sound very ordinary, but in pratice they have some remarkable features. The 2 Lazy Jedi questions are: What kind of X (is that X)? Is there anything else about that / X / that X? The X represents a slot into which you put one or more of the other persons words. That means that to use these questions, you have to listen and parrot-phrase! The questions can be used in casual conversations, in interviews of all kinds, in meetings wherever people are talking about anything. A business analyst claimed that the well-timed use of these questions in a workshop saved a 34.8m project from disaster, when he discovered that the two banks driving the project had differing understandings of a key requirement. A project manager used them to bring herself quickly and discreetly up to speed on a new project which used unfamiliar technology. A team of usability consultants routinely use them to understand the details of peoples interactions with websites under testing. As youll have noticed, the 2 Lazy Jedi questions are very open. They introduce as few suggestions as presuppositions as possible, allowing the person being questioned plenty of freedom to think. By using them, you can keep quiet about your opinion, hold back from premature judgment and potentially reduce your chance of making a damaging blunder. Youll also reduce your natural pushiness - which often causes people to push back!

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Driving clarity

You can use the 2 Lazy Jedi questions in a huge range of contexts. But one of the best ways to use them is to increase clarity. Ambiguity and confusion, resulting in wasted effort, frayed tempers, and increased costs, are common in all business environments. Misunderstandings can be bad enough when youre face-to-face with colleagues. And the problem gets even worse when technological, linguistic and cultural communication barriers are added to the mix. Language is a wonderfully exible tool. But its very exibility leads to problems: everyone thinks theyre like Humpty Dumpty, who said: When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less! The more novel or complex the topic, the greater the scope for differences of meaning - even when you think terms have been carefully dened. Technical or professional jargon, which is intended to reduce confusion, can actually be a mineeld of misunderstandings! Whenever you want greater clarity, reach into your toolkit for the 2 Lazy Jedi questions. The questions can be used in any order, and as many times as you like, but most people nd it most effective to ask What kind of X? rst. It is possible to have a long conversation in which you only ask these questions - I do it regularly! But Id strongly recommend that you start by asking one, or maybe two, consecutive Lazy Jedi questions, until you feel comfortable with the wording and with their effects. Expect the other person to be surprised by your question, to give you a quizzical glance, and to pause for thought before answering. Being listened to, and being honesty asked an open question born of curosity, are both worryingly rare experiences!

Check out my short video on the 2 Lazy Jedi questions here

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Chapter 5: Use The Meta-Force!

If youve done much reading about the way our minds work, youre probably aware of the power of metaphor - comparing one kind of thing to another - to inuence and persuade. Youll know that great teachers, statesmen, artists and religious leaders use metaphors to capture our hearts, while great salesmen, marketers and gizmo-makers use them as a fasttrack to our wallets. Its well known that a great metaphor will bring a piece of writing, or a presentation, or an advertisement, to life, engaging peoples emotions. Thats one reason Ive used lots of metaphors in this report so far: the metaphor 2 Lazy Jedi questions, for example, compares two ordinary English sentences to the kind of weapons which might be used by ctional superheroes. Metaphors have emotional impact, because metaphor is the native language of the subconscious mind. Metaphor is not just an optional extra, some kind of embellishment or decoration added to spice up language (as the Victorians believed). The truth is, we think in metaphor.3 Scientists across a range of disciplines are excitedly exploring this discovery and its implications. Whod have thought that we feel warmer towards others after holding a hot drink, or take things more seriously when holding a weighty clipboard? 4 But what few of them have yet realised is that the metaphors people use in their thinking spill out in their words, and that the metaphors in their words can provide a doorway into the unconscious mind. Thats a vital piece for Intelligent Inuencers, because as Im sure you know, 95 per cent of our mental processing that takes place out of our awareness. Its that unconscious processing which largely drives our behaviour (including buying behaviour).

3 4

See, for example, Steven Pinker, The Stuff of Thought and Gerald Zaltman, How Customers Think See http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/14/this-is-your-brain-on-metaphors/

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Noticing metaphors

Our everyday language is awash with metaphors something like six per minute, depending what you include. But it can take practice and training to notice these spontaneous metaphors as they emerge. In the paragraph above, you probably noticed that awash was a metaphor. I was comparing everyday language to something which can be ooded with water. Language isnt a physical object, it cant be ooded, and metaphors arent wet! But I have no doubt at all that you understood my meaning. If you were on the ball, you might have noticed that metaphors... emerge was itself a metaphor - the metaphors were being compared to something that could come out (perhaps rather tentatively) from something else. I could go on... Its also interesting to think about the metaphors around persuasion and inuence. Manipulate or control are metaphors which imply the direct application of an external force to something: I can make you do something against your will. Inuence also implies force, but of a river-like, owing-together kind... Noticing metaphors is the rst step in using them to inuence people. Start to spot them in advertisements... in politicians speeches... in written materials... and in the language of the people you are listening to.

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Uncovering metaphors

Heres a critical piece of the jigsaw that hardly anyone knows. Its possible not only to notice the metaphors that someone uses, but also to use questions (like the 2 Lazy Jedi questions) to explore and nd out more about them. All metaphors are persuasive. But the most persuasive metaphors of all are a persons own. Most people, most of the time, are completely unaware of the metaphors they use. Becoming aware of them can be fascinating both for them, and for you. And as an Intelligent Inuencer, being able to reveal a persons own, hidden metaphors puts you rmly in the driving seat of a conversation. There are a number of elegant and sophisticated ways to explore individuals metaphors and most of them are beyond the scope of a short e-book.5 But the short and simple secret is that when you hear someone use a powerful metaphor, ask one or more of the 2 Lazy Jedi questions about it. For example, someone might mention that during an outing they were behaving like a big kid. In other words, they were using the image of a big kid as a metaphor to represent their sense of fun and enjoyment on the trip. So you could ask: What kind of big kid? or Is there anything else about that kid? Be aware that metaphors can connect people to very powerful emotions, and youll often hear people use powerful metaphors in relation to things they nd unpleasant. It was hell! Im trapped! and so on. Exploring metaphors for unpleasant things can connect people to very unpleasant emotions. Thats upsetting for them, and can be very alarming for the inexperienced questioner. So, to begin with, explore metaphors for good stuff - the things people like and want more of. Then, grab the Power Switch.

See Clean Language: Revealing Metaphors and Opening Minds by Wendy Sullivan and Judy Rees

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Chapter 6: Control emotions with the Power Switch

How often do you nd yourself thinking: That didnt go quite how I intended as you leave a conversation? And what would happen if, in the future, those conversations turned out differently for you? The key, it seems to me, is to take control of the emotion in a conversation, and use it to the advantage of both parties. The kind of places in which I use this include: When Im out networking or socialising, I want to make people happier so that we all enjoy ourselves When Im training a group, I want to ll the room with fun and laughter so that people learn effectively When Im shopping, I want the staff to feel friendly and helpful towards me so as to nd what I need If someones angry with me, I want to calm them enough to at least nd out why (and to keep myself safe) When Im selling my services, I want my potential customer to feel bad about the problem I can solve and good about the prospect of solving it together. Whether youre trying to surprise your friend, seduce your partner, or convince your boss, youre seeking to control emotions. In saying control emotions, I dont mean that I think emotions are in any way bad, or unneccessary, or inappropriate. Im a big advocate of feeling feelings! I do mean that Im seeking to recognise whats frequently going on in human interactions: one person is seeking to inuence the feelings of another. And Im seeking to inuence you to take more conscious control, and to become more effective at doing it. Thats not just becasue I want you to go around making people happy for no reason! Far be it from me to sugest such as thing. No. Take control, because when you are in control of the emotion in a conversation, you are in a powerful persuasive position.

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Taking control

The key skill to acquire is the ability to direct a persons attention to different things: to things which naturally inspire different emotional reactions. You already do this when you say to an unhappy friend: Shall we talk about something more cheerful? and guide the conversation away from a problem topic. Expert persuaders are well aware that guiding emotion is critical to the sales process. It seems essential to be able to direct attention to, and intensify the emotion around, the problem that your product or service can solve, the pain in sales jargon. Otherwise, why would your prospect recognise the value of your solution? Similarly, when your prospect feels excited and enthusiastic about how much better life will be once the problem has been solved, theyre much more likely to buy.

Find out what the other person wants

Demonstrate how you can full this

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The Power Switch

The Intelligent Infuencers toolkit includes a questioning pattern which is invaluable for controlling emotions - and in particuar, for making people happier. Its called the Power Switch. When the persons attention is focussed on their problem, theyre probaby feeling unpleasant emotions - and they probably dont feel that theyre in control. You can use the Power Switch like the points on a railway, to shift them onto another track. Youll switch their focus away from the problem, and toward what they would like instead. Again, this process is based on questions from David Groves Clean Language (though I am sufggesting you apply it in a different way from his coaching and therapy process). The Power Switch works like this: Listen as they describe the problem Ask: And when <their problem, in their words>, what would you like to have happen? Listen to their answer. Have they changed their focus to what they would like instead of the problem? If not, repeat the question: And when <their problem, in their words>, what would you like to have happen? Once they have said what they would like, use questions such as the 2 Lazy Jedi questions to help them - and you - nd out more about it. Some people, in some circumstances, spring back to the problem repeatedly, as if connected to it by strong elastic. As questioner, notice this and direct their attention: if their attention snaps back to the problem, acknowledge what they have said by repeating their words, and ask again: And when <their problem, in their words>, what would you like to have happen? Once you have some experience of exploring peoples metaphors, the Power Switch can be particuarly valuable. You can explore a persons own metaphor for a problem, engaging strong, unpleasant emotions... and then use the Power Switch to change track, and direct their focus to what they would like instead... while staying with the same persuasive metaphor. Check out my short video on the Power Switch here
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Chapter 7: What do people really want?

You may already be ahead of me here. The techniques above can be combined into a powerful persuasion system which solves one of the persuaders biggest problems - how to actually get people to say what they want! Once you have that information, you will have the key to inuence and persuade them. Either, youll know that they want what you have to offer - in which case, persuading them should be easy. Its just a matter of sorting out the details, delivering, and enjoying their delight. Or, youll know they want something different, and you can either adjust what you offer, or refer them to somebody else, or simply walk away. Minimal time wasted, no hard feelings. Remember, weve moved away from that old model of persuasion in which you can force somebody to do what you want. Thats bullying. Its not always obvious, but people often have very good reasons for not saying what they want:
1.

They may not want to say what they want - they may not trust you, or may fear a hard sell, or might know or suspect that you would disagree with their choice

2.

They may not know what they want. They may be so caught up in the problem that they cant see an alternative, or they may not be aware that any solution exists, or they might want more than one thing and face a bind

3.

May not be able to say what they want, perhaps because it would be so novel that they cant quite describe it.

In all these instances, the techniques discussed above can help.

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Establishing what somebody really wants

Armed with the skills and techniques described above, youre ready to move. Establish rapport and trust by parrot-phrasing, using the persons own words Listen carefully to what they actually say, noticing the metaphors they use Use questions to focus their attention on what they want (instead of the problem). You could use the Power Switch, and/or the 2 Lazy Jedi questions, and any other questions you choose Stay curious and suspend judgement for longer than usual. When you think you know exactly what they mean... ask one or two more questions. Expect to have an interesting conversation - and perhaps to make a friend for life!

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What happens next?

It's important that you put this information in this report to use. Otherwise, it will be just another report that's sitting on your hard drive. Instead of using this information to inuence others in a conscious, deliberate fashion, youll continue to get whatever results you usually get. And if thats enough for you... well, excuse me, but why did you read this far? You owe it to your customers, clients, colleagues, friends and family members to use what youve learned. To take control. To become an Intelligent Inuencer.

Check out my 90-day training programme, the Voyage of Discovery, at http://intelligentinuence.com/we-are-live NOTE: STORE CLOSES at 11.59pm GMT on 10 December 2010, so ACT NOW!

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 Judy Rees 2010 www.intelligentinuence.com

About Judy Rees

Ive been nicknamed The Elephant Whisperer because of my almost uncanny ability to communicate with subconscious minds. The elephant of the subconscious mind powers our behaviour, including our buying decisions, while the conscious rider thinks hes in control! I am the co-author of the bestselling Clean Language: Revealing Metaphors and Opening Minds. Formerly a print, TV and online journalist and editorial executive, I now work as a trainer and consultant, based in west London. If you enjoyed this e-book, then stay in touch! I welcome and encourage feedback. Please contact me at info@intelligentinuence.com with your thoughts, your testimonials or anything else that I can help you with. You can nd more of my articles, products and services at www.xraylistening.com If youd like to nd out more about Clean Language, the book on the subject which I coauthored with Wendy Sullivan can be found here. Finally, if you haven't taken advantage of your free 30 minute strategic consultation on how to put Intelligent Inuence to work for you, please send me an email so we can set up a time to make this happen. Also, I am up for doing teleseminars and other virtual events, and speaking at live events in the UK. Again, email me if this is of interest to you.

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