Professional Documents
Culture Documents
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G4YPARENTS
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ANDROGYNOUS
SEXUALITY
Reflections of a Gay
ACROSS THE NATION and that period was my first decision
around the world, closet doors are
opening. Gay people are "coming
by F~NK SCOTTI as a gay parent: my children must
never know. For the sake of the
out" in increasing numbers, children (as well as for the sake of
openly ackowledging their sexual AS I STOOD GAZING DOWN AT family, friends, church, etc.), I
orientation and striving to cope LYDIA'S FACE, FLUSHED AND would conceal my sexual identity
with the problems this may PINCHED WITH THE INTENSE and would strive to hold together
present. There are even signs of a the tattered fragments of a
HEAT FROM WITHIN, THE
real, if grudging, toleration on the marriage. In retrospect it was a
part of society for a sexual FULL WEIGHT OF BEING decision which was both cowardly
minority which has been little SEP ARATED FROM MY and unwise, but it was the best I
understood and widely exploited. CHILDREN SETTLED ON ME. could do at the time. Each day
One aspect of this phenomenon became a nightmare 'of desire and
which has been scarcely explored guilt, of conflict and fear. The
is the sudden explosion in wife gets the children and he gets marriage became a hollow shell,
numbers of gay women and men visiting rights and financial inhabited by two unhappy people
with children. support payments. In addition, he who never dared name the some-
It is probably safe to say that is labeled the offender in the thing which had grown up
there have always been gay marital disintegration, by virtue of between them, as fixed and solid
parents. The difference today is in his sexual preference, and his as a wall.
the number of parents who are parental relationship is called into In this beleagured conditon I
openly admitting they are gay. question. The overriding fear endured for eight more years.
Consequently, there is a new seems to be that he will seduce his Each year brought a growing
climate of attitude and activity children, emotionally if not acceptance of myself as a homo-
which insists that being gay does physically, into acceptance of sexual. Each year brought new
not disqualify us from being homosexuality as a valid burdens of guilt and fear of
responsible parents. Lesbian alternative. Gay is still a four- discovery. Each year brought
mothers, for example, have tra- letter word. additional problems to a marriage
ditonally been denied custody of Looking back over my which was now one prolonged
their children because their sexual experience, I can see how I set crisis. Each year brought new
preference makes them unfit myself up to take a fall. I married difficulties in balancing my two
mothers, or so the courts have my high school girlfriend when we lifesty les and still finding time to
decreed. Increasingly, gay women- finished college. We had been spend with my children. My
are refusing to submit to this dating for over six years and it was growing sense of failure as a
defamation and are fighting for the natural, expected next step. parent colored all my experiences
custody of their children. The At that time I had not yet and trapped me in an emotional
battle has only begun, but there is admitted to myself that I was a vise. My daughters were rapidly
as much significance in the fact homosexual, although I realized becoming the major casualities in
that the battle is being fought as there was something different my running battle with the world,
there will be in the victories which about me. Naively, I assumed that the flesh, and myself.
will be won. marriage would solve the problem The past ten months have
My perspective as a gay father of my "queer" sexual interest. brought many changes to my life.
is shaped by the emotional reali- And so it seemed to - for awhile. My wife and I separated, after
ties of my situation, as well as by Children began arriving with acknow ledging the futility of
the legal technicalities. In our alarming regularity, however, and struggling to preserve a legal
society, fathers, whether gay or I five years later I found myself the relationship which was
straight, are rarely awarded father of three beautiful little meaningless. I resigned from my
custody of their children. A
man who breaks the bonds of a
I girls. I also found myself
becoming increasingly involved
church and, after some months of
drifting, found my way to MCC. I
heterosexual marriage and mo ves with the gay life, nurtured in met a man and discovered the full
into the gay life automatically has secrecy and guilt. By this time my impact of love and commitment in
two strikes against him as a marriage was beginning to fray a gay lifestyle. And I rediscovered
parent. First, he's simply on the around the edges. To complicate my children.
wrong side of the argument. His matters further, I was serving as My daughters are Debbie, 12,
pastor of a Baptist church and was Becky, 10, and Lydia, 7. They
Frank Scott is Pastor of Metro- constantly in fear of someone spend every Saturday with me and
politan Community Church, Pitts- discovering my hidden life and my lover. On occasion they sleep
burgh, Pa, where he formerly exposing me to ridicule and over, in their sleeping bags on the
served churches of the Southern shame. living room floor. Cliff and I try
Baptist Convention. Coming out of the turmoil of to make this quality time, since
Parent
the quantity is so limited. In a real
Christian reappears - now from
its new editorial home in Hart-
ford, Connecticut. And now an
official publication of the De-
partment of Publications of the
quality: credible scholarship,
adequate documentation, readable
style, and relevance to the con-
cerns of Gay Christians. An
issue devoted to the charismatic
sense we are both involved in Universal Fellowship of Metro- movement within UFMCC is in
being gay parents. We attempt politan Community Churches. preparation: we particularly solicit
to devise ways to make our time TGC is a journal of religious articles on that subject.
together interesting and yet reflection for Gay Christians. We Without apology, we assert
together. In the past few weeks we hope to stimulate discussion and our publication is a most impor-
have toured the zoo (twice!), inquiry on matters that make a tant one. We are, perforce, pio-
ridden a ski lift, played on swings difference for you and me. Some neers. Our unique call summons us
and explored a rocky river bank. issues, like this one, will be to the cutting edge. The journey
Frequently on Saturday potpourris of reflections out of of the People of God leads us to
afternoons, we all cuddle on the the lives and thoughts of Christ- where we have never been before,
floor and watch Tarzan movies on ians facing the implications of Gay and we cannot be permitted to
TV. Always they help prepare life. Other issues will be devoted back seat. We must lead the way.
dinner and participate in the to single topics. Such forums, we That, I am sure, requires the best
clean-up afterward. Typical after- trust, will satisfy the broad imagination we've got. It must
dinner time finds Cliff sitting theological spectrum represented engage all our sensibilities. Be-
cross-legged on the kitchen floor by our readership - not by cause the Spirit has not ceased to
with Debbie and Becky playing avoiding issues or fearing contro- speak in the church.
Jacks (he can't get past foursies). I versy - but by offering a balance We invite you to listen, and
am reclining in a bean bag chair of differing, significant state- reflect, with TGG.
with Lydia, teasing and laughing ments. TGC will be fair. And
and just being together. On this exciting. -fjd
day we are a family for a few TCG hopes also to serve as a
hours - for a few hours. soundingboard for the theological
The end result of these mo- exploration conducted by the
ments of sharing has been a Commission on Faith, Fellowship
deepening of the relationship and Order. FFO will be reporting
between the girls and myself. We regularly in these pages.
are really in process of discovering We invite your contributions.
each other as persons. This makes Articles will be selected for
the time element even more
VoI.V,No.1 March 1976
difficult to cope with. Lydia has
commented twice recently that
Saturday is the shortest day of all. AP.-rrold
We try to compensate for this by
visiting on the telephone several
times a week. But the stark fact
remains that our time together
weekly may be measured in terms
of minutes and hours.
Being a gay parent in this
.••• _.. I
~
f'!c~~ m
tHzo9gcai
'----"-A I I I U Irty
BARSTOW •
Dr. Barstow is a college teacher,
expenditure of psychic energy and
moral fortitude, no, on the other
hand, the highest and holiest
director and actor, and was a mystery of life, death and human
founding member of MCC/Boston. relationship. Rather than evil
The article was originally prepared
for the Task Force on Human
Sexuality of the Metropolitan
Community Church of Boston.
March 1976
CELLIIIATE
grow as Christians."
Michigan Officials Recognize Heather takes several members of
the Detroit congregation with her to
Pastor Heather Anderson visit the prisoners.
undergoing
They have been
an intensive training pro-
5-1
Flowers Area Representative for the
Great Lakes District, and Bud Bunce, represented. These include: American
Chief of Chaplains. Baptist, Episcopal, Roman Catholic,
My only previous contact with United Presbyterian Church, Presby-
Prison Ministry was hearing about it by Dick Mickley terian Church (USA), United Church of
from the pulpit during announcements. Christ, American Friends, Lutheran
But by Saturday night of the A major thrust of the Inter-religious Church in America, Church of the
conference, what Prison Ministry means, Task Force on Criminal Justice is the Brethren, Unitarian-Universalist, as well
hit me full force. I found myself coming total defeat of the 753 page rewrite of as MCC.
to a new consciousness of what it means the U.S. criminal code, Senate Bill A resolution was passed outlining
to be imprisoned. (S-1) now being considered by the the thrust of the Task Force's testimony
Senate Juciciary Committee. before hearings of the Senate and House
The repressive provisions of this bill committees studying the bill.
would be a great set back to civil The task force is joining in the
liberties and in the opinion of some effort to inform the public of the
experts would kill the Bill of Rights dreadful implications of the bill for
even in this bicentennial year of American civil liberties. Spokespersons
American freedom. for the ACLU have commented that
there is a very real possibility that this
bill will be passed unless citizens of
America are educated about its conse-
and deserve a chance now to learn of quences and scream their opposition.
their own self worth and some sort of Its provisions are reminiscent of the
self respect. There are people in prison Nixon and McCarthy eras and would set
needing and deserving ministry. They the stage for a virtual police state.
are an oppressed people, a people Nixon-type government secrecy and
broken. immunity are sanctioned along with
Were we not broken? entrapment activities, longer prison
Did not MCC (for the first time for sentences, prejudicial treatment of
many of us) give us a chance to become Native Americans (Indians), etc.
whole? Are we not called out of our- Readers of this magazine are urged
There are people - real people - selves to minister to these people; to to be leaders in the outcry against this
with names, lives, personalities, dreams share with them the very chance we bill.
in prisons across the country; some have had: to become whole? In other action, the Task Force
been there 30 years and more, living in I suggest you attend the Prison continued its study of strategy for the
artificial situations; living in fear of their Ministry workshops planned here and at delay (moratorium) of prison con-
lives at times; often, kept in extra years other MCC churches around the struction. Testimony of Task Force
because of a homosexual orientation. country. Seek to discover what you can members before Congress last year
People caged in tiny cells, people who do, either, directly involved with helped in stopping millions of dollars
never see or hear from the outside world prisoners or on fund-raising activities. worth of federal prison construction.
during their prison stay. Find out what Prison Ministry is "The more prisons, the more prisoners
So it hit me and it began to eat at really about. Find out what is happen- needed to fill them." This slogan is so
me, "Why should I be out walking ing to our brothers and sisters across the close to what happens and so alien to
around free, and not be involved in country who are incarcerated. the spirit of criminal justice that the
ministry to these people in prison. Attend workshops offered to you Task Force has focused much of its
People desparate for just a little human and raise your level of consciousness considerable power on the efforts for
contact. People needing someone to about this group of oppressed people. moratorium in prison construction.
care about them. People deserving But do find out for yourself. The Task Force studied its strategy
to be treated as humans, as other Because, and I repeat: No one is free in the Attica and Kent State situations
brothers and sisters, not as non- until everyone is free. - and heard a plea from Russell Means
persons! " concerning the plight of American
Some are imprisoned simply (Reprinted from The Shepherd's Staff, Indians, trying to obtain justice in
because they are gay. There are people Good Shepherd Parish, MCC Chicago, courts which are "railroads to prison."
who long ago paid their debt to society February 1976.) He cited one jail in Rapid City, SD,
FAITH IN ACTION
**Becky Lema has recently
appointed Area Representative
been
in the
Stockton, CA area. Becky is presently
corresponding with prisoners in Vaca-
ville and Atascadaro. She has worked
** Harlan Jacks is the new Area
Representative for the Dallas area. He
with inmates at the Sacramento County has worked closely with Steve Childers
Jail and she expects to be working in the past and maintains a solid pen pal
soon for the Parole Division of the ministry to prisoners. The CELLMATE
California Youth Authority. _ was also informed that Fr. Hoolihan and
the Regional Director of the Federal
Department of Corrections, Mr. Hewes,
Visits Institutional
see this.
Ministry is delighted to
Ministry. They can be contacted
prisoners about any of the services
by