WhyChristiansMaketheBestLovers

EightReasonsGodDesignedSexforChristians PatsyRaeDawson
Inthelate1970ssexologistscoinedanewphrasetodescribethenumberonesexualprobleminAmericatoday:"inhibitedsexualdesire" onthepartofeitherthehusbandorthewife,orboth.Theseresearchersnotonlyclaimedthat50percentofallmarriagessufferfrom sexualdifficulties,butthatthepercentageofmiserycontinuestoincrease.However,thenumberoneproblemoftenisn'torgasmor erectionfailuresrathersimplyinhibitedsexualdesirewhichoftenleadstoinhibitedpleasuresuchasprematureejaculation,impotence, pain,unsatisfyingorgasms,avoidanceofsexualintercourse,andfrigidity.Doctorsestimateonly10percentofsexualproblemsstemfrom anorganicormedicalproblem.(DonLuftig,"TheSexTest,"CondensedfromaWNBCTVFeature,[Reader'sDigest,Sept.1977],pp.78 80.) Whileresearchersrealizeinhibitionsinthemindcausethemajorityofsexualproblems,theyalsoacknowledgechangingattitudesisthe hardestofallproblemsforthemtosolve.Dr.HelenKaplan,oneofthemostwidelyrespectedauthorsandresearchersofmoderntimes, statesmechanicalproblemsarestillmucheasiertotreatthanmentalones.Shelists"symbolicmeaningofsex,homosexuality,and hostilitytowardthemate"asthemaincausesofthesefailures.(HelenSingerKaplan,M.D.,Ph.D.,DisordersofSexualDesire[NewYork: SimonandSchustrer,1979],pp.Xvixvii.) AspecialRedbooksurveyin1981requestionedpeoplewhoindicatedasexualproblemwhentheyfilledoutaquestionnairein1980.The purposeofthissurveywastodeterminethenumberonesexualproblem.Thesurveyfounda"lackofdesireforsex"ineitherthe husbandorthewifecausedthemostproblems.Notonlythat,nootherproblemevencameclosetothenumberofcasesreportingalack ofdesire.(LornaandPhilipSarrel,"SexProblemsWeDon'tTalkAboutandShould,"[Redbook,Feb.1981],pp.142145.) Thirteenyearslater,anewsurveyin1994conductedbyParadeMagazinecontinuedtoshowinhibitedsexualdesirestillranksasamajor problemforbothmenandwomenofallages.(MarkClements,"SexinAmericaToday,"ParadeMagazine[Aug.7,1994],p.6.)Most modernliteraturerecognizesmenashavingasfrequentaproblemwithinhibitedsexualdesireandpleasureaswomenexperience. YettheBible,oneoftheoldest,stillmostwidelyusedbooks,addressestheproblemof"inhibitedsexualdesire"andpleasureinmore detailandsolvesmoreproblemswhenapplied,thanmoderndaysextherapy.Itteachesaboutthepropersymbolicmeaningofsex, homosexuality,andemphasizestheroleofbitternessinnumbingphysicalsensations.Plus,itteachesotheressentialaspectsofthe sexualunionmankindoftenignores.Thescripturesteachmoreaboutthesexualrelationshipfrombothapositiveview(howtogiveand receivementalandphysicalpleasure)andanegativeview(howtoavoidheartacheandmisery)thananyotherareaofmarriage.A personwhoignoresGod'ssexualteachingrejectsapartofmarriagethatGodobviouslytreatsasveryimportant.

EightReasonsGodDesignedSexforChristians
UnderstandingsomeofthebenefitsGodexpectsChristianstoreapfromthesexualrelationshipshowshowimportantGodconsiders lovemakingforHispeople.Goddesignedsexualcouplingtobenefithispeoplealltheirlives.

1.SexualLoveMakesBabies
Gen.4:1:"NowthemanhadrelationswithhiswifeEve,andsheconceivedandgavebirthtoCain,andshesaid,`Ihave gottenamanchildwiththehelpoftheLord'" Themiracleofababybeingcreatedwithinthewombhasalwaysfascinatedmenandwomen.Inthedaysofold,Davidexclaimed,"For Thoudidstformmyinwardparts;Thoudidstweavemeinmymother'swomb.IwillgivethankstoThee,forIamfearfullyand wonderfullymade;WonderfulareThyworks,Andmysoulknowsitverywell"(Ps.139:1314). ThewriterofEcclesiastesmarveledatthemysteryofcreationsaying,"Justasyoudonotknowthepathofthewindandhowbonesare formedinthewombofthepregnantwoman,soyoudonotknowtheactivityofGodwhomakesallthings"(Eccl.11:5). EventodaywithsensitiveXrays,photographyequipment,andlaboratorytests,doctorsstillhaven'tunraveledallthemysteriesofbirth. Thebirthprocesscaptivatesmorepeoplethaneverasexpectantparentspouroverprenataldiagrams,pictures,andinstructions.Many
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womencampaignfortherighttoenjoythewondersofnaturalchildbirth.Evenfatherswhowon'tchangeamessydiaperignoretheir squeamishstomachstotakechildbirthclasses.Notonlydotheyparticipateinthebirth,manyfathersproudlytakepictures. AdammayhavehelpeddeliverCainsincenootherpeoplewerearoundtoassistEve.OrperhapsEve,beingaperfectcreation,didn't needhelp,butsimplypresentedAdamwithhisson.Atanyrate,bothAdamandEvethrilledattheevent,acknowledgingGod'shelp.God createdthemaleandthefemalebodiesinawonderfulwaythattheymightreproducethemselves.However,pregnancyisonlyoneof manybenefitsthelovingCreatordesignedforhusbandsandwivestoexperiencethroughthesexualrelationship.

2.SexualLoveBringsJoy
Prov.5:1819:"Letyourfountainbeblessed,rejoiceinthewifeofyouryouth.Asalovinghindandagracefuldoe,lether breastssatisfyyouatalltimes;beexhilaratedalwayswithherlove." AfterexposingthedrawbacksofanaffairinthefirstpartofProverbs5,Solomontellshusbandstodelightinthesexualpleasuresfound withawife."Letyourfountainbeblessed,"herecommends. "Blessed"referstokneelinginadorationofGodorshowingappreciationforabenefitfromman.Solomontellsahusbandtoadoreand appreciatewhatforitsgreatbenefit?Why,lovemakingwithhiswife,ofcourse! Solomondoesn'tstopthere.Hecontinues,"Rejoiceinthewifeofyouryouth.""Rejoice"alsoconveysapleasantattitudetowardsexual intercoursebydescribinganextremelyhappyunion. Theexpression"wifeofyouryouth"referstothewomanamanmarriedwhenhewasyoung,butnowthey'reolder.Since"older"wives arefrequentlypasttheirchildbearingyears,givingbirthisoftenaphysicalimpossibility.Thetruthofthematter?Thispassagedoesn't evenmentionchildrenasareasonforsexualactivity.Instead,Godtellshusbandstoenjoytheirolderwivessexuallyforthesakeof pleasurealone. WhataremarkableendorsementbyGodofenjoyingthesexualactinlaterlife!"Exhilarated,"thebestwordSolomonfoundtodescribe theexperience,conveystheideaofbeingintoxicatedortransportedsomewherebetteravacationathome.Marriedintercourse,oneof themostenjoyablerecreationalactivitiesavailable,isafreegiftfromGod,anditgetsbetterwithageforboththehusbandandthe wifewhoserveGod.

3.SexualLoveExpressesAffection
Prov.5:19:"Asalovinghindandagracefuldoe,letherbreastssatisfyyouatalltimes;beexhilaratedalwayswithher love." Manyawifethinksherhusbandcaresonlyaboutherbody.Yetifsheoffershimonlyherbody,shewon'tsatisfyhimforlong.Solomon arguesthatthewifehasmuchmoretogiveherhusbandherbodyinlove.Emphasizingthispoint,Solomonstates,"Forwhyshouldyou, myson,beexhilaratedwithanadulteress,andembracethebosomofaforeigner?"(Seeverse20.)"Bosom,"aplainbiologicalterm, contrastswiththewife's"breasts,"awordwhichincludesthefeelingoflove. Ideally,sexualintercoursebeautifullyexpresseseachpartner'slovefortheother.Theircouplingbodiestranscendthelimitationsofmere wordstospeakabeautifullanguageoflovethatcommunicatescaring,devotion,andadmiration. "WhenmyhusbandandIweredating,"onewomanremembered,"hetoldme,`Ican'twaituntilwegetmarried,soIcanshowyoujust howmuchIloveyou.'Itreasurethosewordsnoweachtimewemakelove." Thus,thecompassionateGodofheavengiveshusbandsandwivesawonderfulmediumfortransmittingdeepfeelingsoflove.Atthe sametime,lovemakingcultivatesgreatercapacitiesforonenessandaffection.Truly,inthearmsofacherishedspouse,actionsdospeak louderthanwords.

4.SexualLoveEducates
Gen.4:1:"Now,themanhadrelationswith[knew,KJV,ASV;NASfootnotesays`Lit.Knew']hiswifeEve..."
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Insteadofaprudishexpression,"knew"conveysapartofthesexualuniontoomanytimesoverlooked:Sexualloveprovidesan opportunitytofullyexperiencethemate'spersonalityaseachexpresseshisorherownuniqueness.Thehusbandandwifeshareapartof eachother'spersonalitynooneelseexperiencesnoteventheirparentsorchildren.Astheyknoweachotherintimately,theyblendinto perfectharmony. However,troubleariseswhenapersonexpectsthematetoactacertainwayratherthanacceptingthemateatfacevalue.Asaresult,a personoftenbecomesoverwhelmedwithfeelingsofrejection,deprivation,andresentmentbecausesexualintimacydoesn'tmeasureup toexpectations. Forinstance,manyawomanfantizesaboutpreconceivedideasaboutwhatmakesamansexuallynormal.Ifherhusbandapproachesher gently,consideringhermoodsandneeds,shemaybelievehe'sabnormal.Afterall,hermotherconvincedhermenare"aggressive, demandingbeasts."Yetinalllikelihood,hermotherreachedthatconclusionbecauseshedidn'tlikeanysexualcontact.Ifherhusband approachedheronceeverysixmonths,hewastooaggressiveanddemanding. Onewomanmoaned,"Iwouldgiveanythingifmyhusbandwouldchasemearoundtheroom,tossmeontothebed,andjusttakeme. Buthe'salwayssoconsiderate.Evenwhenhewantssex,ifIdon't,hedoesn'tpushit.Heneverdemandshiswaywithme." Ontheotherhand,ahusbandwhoactivelyseeksandtakeshiswife'ssexualfavorsmayfrightenotherwives.Suchwivesoftenyearnfora moregentlehusbandwhoplacestheirneedsabovehisown. Thegentlehusbandloveshiswifenolessthanthemoreaggressiveoneloveshis.Bothenjoytheirwivesthesamewaytheyrelishall oflifeoneiscalm,collected,anddependableineverythinghedoeswhiletheotheractivelydriveshimselfandtakescharge.Theway thesehusbandslovetheirwivessimplyreflecttheirpersonalitiespersonalitieswhichappealedtotheirwivesbeforemarriage. Manyahusband,likewise,defendsrigidpreconceivedideasaboutawoman'ssexualnature.Perhapsasexuallywarm,eager,and expressivewifeturnshimoffduetothefalsebeliefthatnicewomendon'tfeelsexualdesires.Suchahusbandmaydenyhimselfthe privilegeoffullyknowingandenjoyinghiswife'swarmthandtenderness.Yetheroutwarddisplayofaffectionprobablyattractedhimto herinthefirstplace. Alltheseattributesreflectpersonalityandeverydayapproachtolife.Themateshouldacceptandcherishthem,fortheyportraythe genuinepartner.Apersonwhoexpectslovemakingtotransformthemateintoadifferenttypeofperson,expectstheimpossibleandfails to"know"thematenomatterhowoftentheymakelove. Goddirectedahusbandandwifetoworktogethertosubduetheearth,fillitwithpeople,andtoglorifyGod.Throughthefullknowledge ofeachother,ahusbandandwifebecomeamarvelousteamforaccomplishingGod'splanfortheirlives.Overtheyearsasthat knowledgeofeachotherincreases,sodoestheirtrustandconfidenceineachother.Andastheirbodiesunite,theyspeakabeautiful languageoflovethattranscendsmerespokenwords.

5.SexualLoveRelaxes
SongofSol.7:9:"...'Itgoesdownsmoothlyformybeloved,flowinggentlythroughthelipsofthosewhofallasleep.'" "Flowinggently"means"evenness,i.e.prosperityorconcord,alsostraightness,i.e.rectitude:agreement,aright,thatareequal,equity, (thingsthatare)right(eously,things),sweetly,upright(ly,ness)"Strong,pp.6566). AfterKingSolomon'ssensuouspleaforherbody,theShulammiterepliedthattheideaofhavingsexualcontactwithhimrepulsedher. Sheknewshewouldenjoythesexualuniononlyifshelovedthemanwhoheldher.Forthemaiden,theShepherdwasthatman.She revealedherhealthyattitudetowardlovemakingbyardentlypromisingtoenticeandseducetheShepherdaftermarriage. TheShulammitealsorecognizedanotherequallyimportantfeatureaboutthesexualunion:Theembraceoflovewould"flowgently throughthelipsofthosewhofallasleep."Orgasmaffectstheadrenalglandsofboththehusbandandthewife,whichinturnaffecthow theyhandlestress.Forthesereasons,theunionoflovewouldrelaxtheShulammiteandShepherdemotionallyandphysicallyafteraday ofhardwork. WhileGodfashionedthehumanbodyforhardwork,Healsobuiltwithinitapleasantmethodofrelaxation.Ecstaticlovemakingmaybe habitforming,butithasnoneoftheharmfulsideeffectsofmanysleepingpills.Itevenboastslesscaloriesthanraidingtherefrigerator!
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Onewifeconfessed,"IusedtohaveaproblemgoingtosleepandthenI'dfeelirritablethenextday.Nowwemakelovemoreoftenand thatproblemisgone.Weevengotobedearliersowewon'tbetootiredtoenjoyeachother.Ifoneofuswakesupinthemiddleofthe nightandcan'tgetbacktosleep,weknowtheotherisreadyforus.Webothsleepbetterasaresultofmakinglove." Unfortunately,manycouplesdonotusesexualloveastheShulammiteandShepherdplannedto.Instead,theyallownervoustensionsto robthemofsleepandhampertheirabilitytoworkeffectivelyandcreatively.Ahusbandandawifeseekingeachothertoeasestrainand stressusesexualtendernessinagodlyway.ThethoughtfulCreatorofsuchamarveloustranquilizershouldbecheerfullythankedbyboth husbandsandwivesforHisgreatloveformankind.

6.SexualLoveMotivates
Eccl.9:9:"EnjoylifewiththewomanwhomyouloveallthedaysofyourfleetinglifewhichHehasgiventoyouunderthe sun;forthisisyourrewardinlife,andinyourtoilinwhichyouhavelaboredunderthesun." Ecclesiastesexaminesaman'smotivesforworking,suchasobtainingwealth,fame,andknowledge.Solomonexposesallofthese incentivesasfollyandvanityofvanities.Againandagain,Solomonprovesthatthemostworthwhilegoalsaretoenjoyone'sabilityto workandputfoodonthetable(Eccl.2:24;3:1213,22;5:1820;8:15,and9:7). Inaddition,Godencouragesamantoenjoylifewiththewomanheloves(sexuallyorotherwiseStrong)allthedaysofhislife.Sadly, manymenfailtorealizethismajorobjectiveoflifebynottakingthetimetoenjoytheirwivesinthepursuitofsecularambitions. Godemphasizes,"allthedaysofyourfleetinglife."Amanshouldfindhiswiferewardinginhisyoungyearswhenhestrivestoestablish himselfinbusinessaswellasinhismiddleyearswhenheenjoystheprimeofhisbusinesscareer,andeveninhisretirementyearswhen helivesoffthefruitsofhislabors. Agoodsexualrelationshipenergizesandmotivatesamantogotoworkdayafterday,eventoaboringdeadendjob.However,amanis nottheonlyonewhobenefits.Frequentlovemakingstimulatesalovingwomantocleanhouseandprepareappetizingmeals.Suchjoyful communicationbetweenahusbandandawifeclearstheirmindsandsoothestheirbodies,preparingthemforanotherdayofindustryin awaynootherstimulantcannotevenacupofcoffeeearlyinthemorning. Dr.WarrenR.Guild,theauthorofVigorforMenOver30,saysasportsdoctorrecommendsmarriedathletesengageinsexualintercourse thenightbeforeanOlympicevent.Hesaysbothmaleandfemaleathletesperformbetterandarelesstense.Dr.Guildrecommends deliberatelyusingtheembraceoflovetohelponeachievefinancialprosperity.Hesays,"Bigmeetingcomingup?Thenplanonloving yourwifethenightbeforeforgreatersuccess."(Dr.WarrenR.Guild,VigorforMenOver30[NewYork:CurtisBrown,Ltd.,1967],p.176.) Onewifesaid,"Whenmyhusbandhasanimportantbusinessdealintheworks,Imakeaspecialefforttocookhisfavoritemealthenight before.ThenIlightacandleinthebedroom,perfumethesheetsandmyself.Ileadhimtobedandwhispertohimtorelaxandletme showhimhowmuchIlovehim.Nomatterhowpreoccupiedheiswithwork,Icanalwaysmakehimforgetforalittlewhile.ThenwhenI seethatconfidentglowinhiseyethenextmorningIknowhe'llsucceedwiththatimportantclient." Godcreatedmenandwomentoworktoworkhardandlonginsubduingtheearth,takingcareoftheirfamilies,andinspiritualservice toHim.However,Goddidnotjustgivemenandwomenadifficultcommandmenttofulfill.Godcreatedmenandwomentohelpeach otherinspecialways.Oneofthosechoicewaysisthroughtheblendingoftheirnaturesandspiritsinthesexualuniontomakethemtruly oneteam.SuchaGoddeservestheesteemanddevotionofhusbandsandwives.YetGodhasanotherspecialbenefitbuiltintothe embraceoflove:

7.SexualLoveConsoles
Gen.24:67:"ThenIsaacbroughtherintohismotherSarah'stent,andhetookRebekah,andshebecamehiswife;andhe lovedher;thusIsaacwascomfortedafterhismother'sdeath." "Comfort"means"sigh,i.e.breathestrongly,besorry,i.e.(inafavorablesense)pity,consoleorrue;or(unfavorable)avenge(oneself): comfort(self),ease(one'sself),repent(er,ing,self)"(Strong,p.77). Rebekah'ssexualfavorscomfortedIsaacafterhismother'sdeath.Righteoussexuallovesoothesapersonaftergreatheartbreak. Fortunately,men,too,cancomfortwomenwiththeembraceoflove:
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IISam.12:24:"ThenDavidcomfortedBathsheba,andwentintoherandlaywithher;andshegavebirthtoason,andhe namedhimSolomon." Likenootheractivity,lovemakingpossessestheabilitytocheerupawomanafteratragedy.DavidcomfortedBathshebaafterthedeath oftheirchildwithsexuallove.Sexualcommunicationhelpsthemindfindtranquillitybystrengtheningthebondbetweentwoallies husbandandwife. GodinHisinfinitemercyandloveformankindblesseseachmarriedcouplewithaunique,personalwaytoeaseenergysappingstrains ontheirmindsandbodies.God'ssexualblessingsenableChristianstoserveGodwithgreaterstrengthandendurance.

8.SexualLoveUnifies
Gen.2:24:"Forthiscauseamanshallleavehisfatherandhismother,andshallcleavetohiswife;andtheyshallbecomeoneflesh." Eachtimeahusbandandwifecometogether,theyfulfillGod'spromisetoAdamandEveofbecomingoneflesh.Theirmutualdelightin eachotherbreaksdowncommunicationbarriersandpromotestrust.Asaresult,thecompassionateGodofheavengiveshusbandsand wivesawonderfulmediumfortransmittingdeepfeelingsoflove.Ahappysexualrelationshipcultivatesgreatercapacitiesforoneness andaffection. Truly,amarvelofGodisthewonderfulwayHedesignedthemaleandthefemalebodiestofunctiontogether.Forboththemanandthe woman,sexualintercoursepromisessupremepleasure,increasedproductivity,calmnerves,clarityofmind,andasenseofwellbeing andbelonging. Thecatch?God'srulesforahealthymindmustberespected.Thenthebodyisfreedfrominhibitingattitudesfortotalphysical,mental, andspiritualcoupling.God'ssexualtruthsstillmakeChristiansthebestloversfoundanywhere,asthestatisticsshow.However,toomany timescouplesgetcaughtupintheobviousphysicalpleasureoflovemakingandfailtoreapitshigherandmorelastingbenefits.Christians notonlycanenjoyallthatsexualloveofferswithaclearconscience,whichfreestheirbodiesfortotalsexualliberation,buttheyshould alsothankthewonderfulCreatoroftheembraceofloveforsuchagreatmaritalblessing. Twopreachersandtheirwivesshowtheeffectonboththehusbandandthewifewhentheyfailtoworkforsexualcompatibilityanda fullonefleshunion.Bothpreachersworkedhard,longhourstostudyandtopreachthegospel.Bothwivesenduredlowwagesand brethrenwhodidaslittleastheycouldwhiledemandinggreatsacrificesfromthepreachersandtheirfamilies.However,thesimilarities ceasedthere. Thefirstpreacherwasanactiveloverwhoalwayssatisfiedhiswife'sneeds.Theirsexualloveservedasabufferbetweenthemandthe manyabusestheysuffered.Infact,manywomenmarveledathowthebadcircumstancesthatfrequentlybefellthemneverseemedto rufflethewife. Theotherpreacherwasverydifferent.HisattitudetowardthesexualunioncombinedVictorianmoralswithcrudeness.Hiswifesaidthey oftenwentsixmonthswithoutsexualcontact,andthenitwasonlybecauseshecouldn'toutwaithimanylonger.Eventhen,whilehe gaveherhisbody,hewithheldhismind.Thiscouplefacedthesamehardshipsasthefirst,butovertheyearsthewifelosthersparkleand enthusiasm.Herhealthbroken,shehadfrequenthospitalstays.Andshefoughtbitternessdaily. Theirlovelivesalsoaffectedthehusbands'abilitiestodealwiththestressesoftheirjobs.Thefirsthusbandbecameveryeffectiveinhis work,whilethesecondbecamediscouragedanddisillusioned.Goddesignedthesexualembracetobenefitbothhusbandsandwives.

GodTeachesAboutSexualLove
SexissoimportanttoGodthatHewasthefirsttopromotesexeducationfortheworld.ButHeleftthemechanicsofbirthcontrolupto mankind'singenuity.Instead,Godfocusedonthemostimportantpartintheeyesofmostmenandwomensexualpleasure.God'sgreat loveandconcernforthesexualhappinessofbothmenandwomenshowinHisprovisionsforsexeducation.Forateachstageof mankind'ssexualdevelopment,frompubertythroughthegoldenyears,Godprovidesthenecessaryinformationtoliberatemenand womenfortotalsexualenjoyment. Forexample,theSongofSolomonprovidesexcellentillustrationsforparentstousetoteachtheirchildrenaboutpurityandthebeautyof sexuallove.Itcapturestheemotionsasitteachesaboutcourtinglovebytellingthetruestoryofayounggirl'sdilemmaofwho
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tomarryrich,powerfulKingSolomonorthepoorshepherdboy.Thus,beforeamanandawomanmarry,Godtellsthemhowtochoose therightsexualpartnertoavoidlifelongsexualfrustration. Next,inProverbs7,Solomonaddressesthespecialproblemsamanfacesinhisyouthattheheightofhissexualurgeswhenhebeginsto noticethefemalebody.Thechapteralsoteachesawomanaboutattitudesthatblockhersexualresponses.Then,inProverbs5,Solomon cautionsamanaboutthedifferent,yetequallystrong,temptationsamanfacesashisbodyslowsdownthroughage.Solomonshows howanolderwiferavishesherhusbandinawaythatamuchyoungerwomancan'tcompete.Ateachstageofmankind'ssexual development,Godprovidesthekeysforalonglifefilledwithsexualenjoyment. GodgavethisknowledgetothewholeworldthroughSolomon.InSolomon'syouth,Godsaid,"Behold,Ihavegivenyouawiseand discerningheart,sothattherehasbeennoonelikeyoubeforeyou,norshallonelikeyouariseafteryou"(IKings3:12).Solomon's wisdomwas"likethesandthatisontheseashore"and"surpassedthewisdomofallthesonsoftheeastandallthewisdomofEgypt" and"hisfamewasknowninallthesurroundingnations"(IKings4:2930).Then"mencamefromallpeoplestohearthewisdomof Solomon,fromallthekingsoftheearthwhohadheardofhiswisdom,"includingthequeenofSheba(IKings4:34;10:1).Inthisway, God'ssexualtruthsspreadovertheknownworld. However,GoddoesnotforceanyonetoreapHisgreatsexualbenefitsnotevenSolomon.Inhislateryears,Solomonturnedhisbackon God'swisdomandallowedalackofsexualcontroltoruinhisownlife.BythetimeoftheSongofSolomon,Solomonhadonehundred andfortywives(SongofSol.6:89).ThetruestoryrevealsthatSolomonwasalreadydevelopingwarpedattitudestowardwomenandthe sexualrelationship.Eventually,Solomon"heldfast"tosevenhundredwives(freewomenhemarried)andprincessesandthreehundred concubines(slaveshemarried)"inlove"(IKings11:18). "Heldfast"isthesamewordtranslatedas"cleave"inGen.2:24whereGodsays,"Amanshallleavehisfatherandhismotherandshall cleavetohiswife."Itmeans"tosticklikeglue." "Love"isacommonwordfoundthroughoutProverbsandmeans"tolovesexuallyorotherwise." Withaccesstothemostdesirablewomenintheknownworldfrompeasantstoroyaltytoslaves,Solomon'ssexualurgesragedoutof control.AsGodhadforewarned,theseforeignwomenturnedSolomon'sheartawayfromservingGodfullyashebuilttemplesofidolatry forhiswives.Bythetimehewasold,Solomonpresentedapictureofsexual,moral,andspiritualdecadence. AsSolomondid,theJewishnationalsorejectedGod'sinstructionsforsexualliberationbymarryingforeignwomenandembracing idolatryalongwiththeaccompanyingfornication.Godthenallowedthemtobetakenintocaptivitytopurgetheidolatryfromtheirlives. Afterwards,theJewscameoutofslaveryreadytoserveGodonceagain.However,seventyyearsofslaverywasnotenoughtofullypurge thesexualattractionofforeignwomenfromtheJewishmen.Theyonceagainstartedmarryingforeignwivesandembracingthesexual impuritythatwentwiththeiridolatry.Fortunately,thepriestEzraprayedtoGodandadmonishedthepeopletorepent.Thepeople listenedtoEzraandrejectedtheirforeignwivesandturnedagaintoservingGodwholeheartedly(Ezra910). ThenafterthedeathofChrist,mankind'ssexualnaturetookanewturnastheCatholicchurchfathersdegradedmarriageandthesexual relationship.Butoverahundredyearsbeforetheirwaragainstrighteoussexuallovebegan,GodpreparedHisfollowersfortheCatholic apostasybyinspiringITim.4:18.PaulwarnedtheyoungpreacherTimothythatsomewouldfallawayfromthefaithandteachdoctrines ofdemonsaboutmarriageandthesexualunion.Also,inIThess.4:18PauladmonishedGod'sfollowerstolearnthetruthabouttheir sexualnaturestoknowhowtopossesstheirownvesselsuntosanctificationandhonor. Ateachstageofmankind'sphysicaldevelopmentanduniqueplaceinhistory,Godprovidedthenecessaryinformationforsexual happiness.Butthroughouthistory,manoftenignoredGod'slove.Unfortunately,manymoderncouplesfollowinthefootstepsoftheir ancestorsandchooseignoranceandmiseryinsteadofreachingoutforfullsexualexpressionthroughtheloveandwisdomofGod.Yet overwhelmingevidenceprovesthatGodnotonlydesignedsexuallove,butalso,themoreGod'speoplestrivetopleaseHimintheirdaily lives,thebetterloverstheybecome.

God'sPeopleMaketheBestLovers
Notjusttheory,reliablestatisticsshowthatconservativereligiouspeopleachieveagreaterdegreeofsuccessintheirlovelivesthan peoplewhoignoreGod'sprinciples.Whilemoststatisticstakenfromarandomgroupshowthatsmallpercentagesofwomennormally experienceorgasm,threeprominentsurveysofBiblebelievingwomenrevealthatlargepercentagesofmorallyconservativewomen delightinorgasmswiththeirhusbands.
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Forinstance,Dr.HerbertMiles,authorofSexualHappinessinMarriage,surveyed151collegeagecouplessixmonthstotwoyearsafter theymarried.ThesecoupleshadstrongreligiousbackgroundsandreceivedmarriagecounselingconcerningGod'splanforlovemaking priortomarriage.Dr.Milesfoundthat96.1percentofthesewivesenjoyedorgasm.Evenmoreremarkably,78.8percentofthesewomen successfullyreachedorgasmduringtheirhoneymoons.(HerbertJ.MilesPh.D.,SexualHappinessinMarriage[GrandRapids,MI: Zondervan,1982(Revised)],p.180.Usedbypermission.)TheseresultsshowthatyoungwiveswhocommitthemselvestofollowingGod's principlesforlovemakingfreetheirbodiesfortotalenjoymentoftheembraceoftheirhusbands. Inasimilarmanner,TimandBeverlyLaHayesurveyed1700couplesfromtheirFamilyLifeSeminarsfortheirbookTheActof Marriage.Thisgroupconsistedofcoupleswithawideagespreadanddifferentlevelsofspiritualmaturity.However,89percentofthe womenreportedsucceedinginlovewiththeirhusbands.Notonlywerethesecouplesinterestedinspiritualmatters,buttheir attendanceofthemarriageseminarsindicatedthatboththehusbandsandwivesworkedatapplyingGod'sprinciplestotheirdaily lives.Andtheyenjoyedtheresultsintheirbedrooms.(TimandBeverlyLaHaye,TheActofMarriage[GrandRapids,MI:Zondervan,1974], p.106.Usedbypermission.) ARedbooksurveyof65,000womenalsoreportedonthesamesubject.Thissurveyfoundthatthe"veryreligious"womanreapedthe mostfromtheloveembrace.The"slightlyreligious"womanwasthemostlikelycandidatetofailinallareasofherdailylifeincludingthe sexualembrace.(ClaireSafran,"65,000WomenReveal:HowReligionAffectsHealth,Happiness,Sex,andPolitics,"Redbook[April1977], p.217.)MankindfinallydiscoveredforhimselfwhatGodsaidtwothousandyearsagofulfillingsexualthrillscometothosewhocommit themselvestoservingGodwithalltheirmind,soul,andbody. AWoman'sDaysurveyof50,000womendiscovered"surprisingly,traditionalvaluesmaybetoday'saphrodisiac.Thepatient,thepure, andtrueblue"enjoyedmarriageswiththemostintimacy.Thesemarriagesalsoboasted"thebestandmostfrequentsex."Allthe answerstakentogethermade"astrongcasefortradition:forvirginityandmonogamy."Thus,modernsurveyscontinuetoshowthat womenwhopracticeBibleprinciplesofmoralityanddailylivingenjoystimulatingsexuallives.(ClaireSafran,"DoesAnybodyCareAbout SexAnymore?"Woman'sDay[Oct.25,1988],pp.7078.) Incontrast,TheHiteReportbyShereHitesurveyed3019womenofallagesandphilosophiesoflife.Ms.Hiterecordedamuchlower percentageofsuccessonly49percentofthewomenreachedorgasmthroughsexualintercourse.Ontheotherhand,78percent claimedto"regularlyandeasily"achieveorgasmthroughselfmasturbation.Obviously,themajorityofthesewomenfailedtofindsexual satisfactionwithaman.(ShereHite,"TheHiteReport,"Reader'sDigest[June1977],pp.121122.) Whatapity!WomenwhothinktheyholdthekeystosuccessoutsideGod'swordandwholooktothemselvesthroughmasturbationfor sexualgratificationgetonlya78percentrateofsuccess.ThatseemsbetterthanMs.Hite'srandomsamplingofsocietywhich achievedonlya49percentrateofsuccesswithaman.Eitherway,whatalonely,inhibitedexistence! YetthosewholooktoGodandtheirhusbandsforsexualfulfillmentenjoyan89to96.1percentrateofsuccess.Whataparadoxthatthe failureswritethemajorityofthebooksthatclaimtorevealthesecretsofafulfillingsexuallife.Dareanyoneplacetheirconfidencein them?Indeed,thefactsshowthatGod'speoplemakethebestlovers! Apersonwhosemindwandersintosininhibitshimselfsexuallynomatterwhathisbodyjoyfullyconsentstodo.Butapersonwhose mindfunctionsasGodintendswithaclearconscienceliberateshisbodytorespondtothefullestintheembraceoflove.Christiansdon't needtheartificialstimulationofsmutormasturbationtogetturnedontothesexualact.Theyradiaterealloveandtheirbodiesshowit! Manypeoplewhospeakofbeinguninhibitedinloverefertotheabilitytoengageinillicitorquestionableactswithoutbeingplagued withthepainsofaguiltyconscience.However,atrulyuninhibitedpersonenjoyshisspousetothefullestwiththeblessingsofaclear conscienceinsteadoftryingtoforcesensationsontoasearedconscience. AsTheHiteReportshows,manysocalledsexuallyliberatedwomenfailtoenjoytheembraceoflovewithaman.Beingliberatedto masturbateorreadandtelldirtystories,butbeingunabletoenjoytheembraceoflovewithahusbandisnotliberation.Norisit intelligence.Norisitahealthyattitude.Itissexualenslavementatitsworst! Themanfacesthesamepredicament.Researchersstatethatmanypromiscuousmenmoan,"Whathappenedtosexualpleasure?I thoughtI'dalwaysseestarsandhearsirens.Instead,I'mboredeventhoughI'vegotadifferentwomanonmyarmeachweek."Thefacts provethateverysexualunionisnotnecessarilyagoodexperience,evenfortheman.Whatgoesoninaman'sminddetermineshowhis bodyrespondstotheembraceofawoman.(BernieZilbergeld,PH.D.,MaleSexuality,[NewYork:Bantam,1978],chapters14.)The harderamanstrivestoserveGodinhisfamilyrelationships,thegreaterhisphysicalsensations.

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God'sMenandWomenSexualEquals
Contrarytopopularopinion,Biblicalpracticesturntheembraceofloveintoablessingforboththemanandthewoman.Wayaheadof moderncivilization,theBiblehasalwaysrecognizedthewomanastheman'ssexualequalinbothdesireandtheabilitytoexperience pleasure. Forexample,GodtoldEveafterthefallthatherpaininchildbirthwouldn'tdiminishhersexualdrive.Shemightnotwantanymore children,butshewouldcontinuetodesireherhusband(Gen.3:16). Also,theOldTestamentforbadeamantodenyhiswifehersexualrightsevenifheownedherasaslave(Ex.21:10).Inaddition,Deut. 23:911andLev.15:1618,3233consideredamanuncleanbecauseofa"nocturnalemission."Thisofferedgreatprotectionforayoung man'sbuddingsexualitybydiscouraginghimfromdevelopingthehabitofselfmasturbation.Thelawofuncleannessencouragedayoung mantofocusonearlymarriageandlookingtoawifeforsexualsatisfaction.This,inturn,helpedensuredthatahusbandwouldn'tdrain offhissexualenergiesthroughselfmasturbation,thushamperinghisabilitytosatisfyhiswife'slegitimatesexualneeds.Likewise,three thousandyearsago,theSongofSolomonportrayedagoodwifeasonewhoactivelyenjoyedlovemakingandeveninitiateditupon occasion(SongofSol.7:1013). Godguaranteedthewife'srighttoenjoylovemakingwhenHedeclared,"Whenamantakesanewwife,heshallnotgooutwiththe army,norbechargedwithanyduty;heshallbefreeathomeoneyearandshallgivehappinesstohiswifewhomhehastaken"(Deut. 24:5).Thisprolongedhoneymoonhelpednewlywedslayasecurefoundationofsexuallovetosupportthemlaterduringthenormal challengesandtrialsoflifetheywouldfacetogether. TheNewTestament,moreexplicitthantheOld,warnedbothmenandwomennottowithholdsexualsatisfactionfromtheirmates(I Cor.7:15).PauleveninstructedtheyoungpreacherTimothytotelltheyoungwidowstogetmarriedagainsothey'dhaveasexual partner(ITim.5:1114).NowheredoesGoddistinguishbetweenthesexualneedsorrightsofmenorwomen.

God'sPeopleLearnAboutSexualLove
TheBiblenotonlytreatsmenandwomenassexualequals,butitalsodemandsthatGod'sfollowerseducatethemselvesaboutsexual matters.

LearnAboutSexualLove
IThess.4:4:"...thateachofyouknowhowtopossesshisownvesselinsanctificationandhonor,..." "Know"means"know,find;1.perceive(withtheeyes);2.perceivebyanyofthesenses;3.perceive,notice,discern,discover;4.see(i.e. toturntheeyes,themind,theattentionto(anything),payattention,observe,seeaboutanything,inspect,examine,lookat,behold;5. experience;6.seei.e.haveaninterviewwith,visit"(Thayer,p.172). "Possess"means"acquire,getorprocureathingforoneself,possess,i.e.tomarryawife"(Thayer,p.363). "Vessel"means"1.vessel;2.implement,householdutensils,domesticgear"(Thayer,p.577). GodexpectsmoreofHisfollowersthanacasualacquaintancewiththesexualrelationship.Theymustperceive,discover,turntheir attentionto,payattention,observe,inspect,examine,experience,interview,etc.howtousetheirsexualnaturesquiteabitmorethan leavingthehappinessofthesexualrelationshiptonatureorchance! Since"vessel"inherentlyreferstoatoolusedforwork,itaccuratelydescribesthehumanbodyahighlytechnicalandsophisticated machinethatthemindandthespiritusetoserveGod(Acts9:15,IITim.2:21,andIPet.3:7).Tools,whethermechanicalsuchascars, sewingmachines,andcomputers,orhumaneyes,arms,orlegs,requirepropertreatmentforsuccess.SoGod'scommandforthe Christianto"knowhowtopossesshisownvessel"makessense.ThesexualorgansfunctionasskillfulinstrumentsthatGodgivesto husbandsandwivestousefortheirmutualbenefitandblessing.Asaresult,righteouslovemakingbecomestheservantoftheChristian ratherthantheChristianbecomingtheservantoflustfulpassion.

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However,theproblemremainsofdecidingjustwhosevesselortooltheChristianpossessesorlearnshowtouse.Somecommentators insist"vessel"referstothespousewhileothersclaimitreferstotheChristianhimself.Regardlessofwhothevesselrefersto,the Christianorhisspouse,theteachingremainsthesame. Forexample,actingproperlytowardaspousedemandsthatapersonactproperlytowardhimself.Ontheotherhand,whenaperson rightlyuseshisownbody,heautomaticallyrightlyuseshisspouse'sbody.Nomatterwho"vessel"refersto,Godwantsthesexual embraceheldinsanctificationandhonorviewedasbetterandmorepreciousforthosewhoserveGodthanforthosewhodenyGodin theirdailylives. ThemostlogicalconclusionseemstobethatPauldiscusseshowapersoncontrolshimself,forapersonexercisesthegreatestinfluence overhisownbody.Ofnecessity,apersonmastershimselfbeforehebeginstotreathisspousecorrectly.Thus,itisimpossibletogetaway frompersonalcontrolanddiscipline.Paul'smainpoint?Everypersonneedstostudyaboutsexuallovetomakesureheknowsitsproper usesothathissexuallifepleasesGod.Lookatthemeaningof"know"acommandfromGod. Apersoncannotjustbrag,"Lookatme!Inevercommitfornicationorthinkimpurethoughts!"Whilethat'sgood,Godexpectsmorethan halftruthsfrompeoplewhosupposedlywalkinthelight.PeoplewhoobeyGodknowhowtopossesstheirvesselsinsanctificationand honor.Ignorancefailsasalegitimateexcuseforimpropersexualconductorthinking. Thegodlypersonsays,"Idon'tcommitfornicationorthinkuncleanthoughtsandIenjoyandusesexualloveasGodintends."Anything lessfallsshortofpleasingGodorrepresentingfullknowledgeofthetruthaboutthesexualunion.Sohowshouldapersontreatthe sexualembrace?

SanctifySexualLove
"Sanctification"makesthesexualunionholyandgoodwhenpatternedafterGod'swisdom."Holy,"theadjectiveformof"sanctification," means"setaparttotheworshipofGod,hallowed,sacred,worthyofadorationorveneration,spirituallywhole,unimpairedinnocenceor provedvirtue,godly"(Webster).Certainly,pure,cleanlovemakingisasrighteousandholyaspartakingoftheLord'ssupperandsinging praisestoGod.GoddesignedtheorgansofloveforthebenefitofHispeople.Labelingthem"sinful"or"shameful"reflectsunfavorably onGod'smoralityanddeniesthesanctificationofthesexualrelationship. CommandingmoderndayChristianstosetthesexualrelationshipapartassomethingspecialandwonderfulforservingGod,surely seemslikeaboldstatementtomany.ImaginethereactionoffirstcenturyChristians.Everywherepagansgailyengagedinopenactsof sexualimmorality,manytooshamefuleventomention(Eph.5:1112).Thenaturalreactiontosuchlewdness?Manywenttotheother extremebyshunningandrejectingevenlawfulsexualintercoursebetweenhusbandsandwives. SoPaulcautionsGod'speople(thenandnow)nottoneglectthegoodwhileavoidingthebad.Instead,aChristianshouldsethislovelife apartfromthecommonwaypagansusethesexualunionbyviewingitasholyandspecial.Oncethesexualrelationshipbecomes sanctified,thenextattitudeseemsnatural:

HonorSexualLove
"Honor"means"1.avaluingbywhichthepriceisfixed,hencethepriceitself,withaprice,i.e.atagreatprice,thingprized;2.honor, veneration,deference,reverence,preciousness"(Thayer,p.624). Withallthatveneration,deference,reverence,andpreciousnesscontainedin"honor,"toomanyChristiansmissthisspiritualblessingof thesexualact.Notjustsomethingtotakeorleave,righteous,blissfullovemakingstimulatestheChristian,strengthensthemarriage bond,andservesGodastheCreatorofthesexualunion. "Veneration"means"respectmingledwithawe,excitedbydignity,wisdom,orthesuperiorityofapersonorthing."Lackofrespectfor thesexualrelationshipandtheneedsofthemarriagepartnercausesmanymarriageproblemsanddoesnothonorsexuallove. "Deference"contains"theideaofyieldingorsubmittingtosomething."Manyapersonwhosaysherespectsthesexualrelationshipfails todefertoittomakeeitherphysicaloremotionaltimeforit.Oftenahusbandorawifegetstoobusyandcrowdslovingthoughtsof thespouseoutofthemind.Isitanywonderthatthebodythenfailstorespondtothelovingoverturesofthespouse?Beingtoobusyto learnorcareaboutsexualcommunicationwithaspousefallsshortofhonoringsexuallove.

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"Reverence"addsanewtwisttotheabovewordsbyadding"profoundrespectmingledwithloveandawe."Takingtheabovewordsone stepfurther,reverenceimpliestendernessandwonder.Loveandsexgotogetherwhenhusbandsandwiveshonorsexuallove. "Preciousness"referstosomething"costlyandhighlyesteemedandloved."ThesexualrelationshiporiginatedwithinthemindofGodto blessmenandwomentobettertheirlivesnottomakethemmiserable.Ifthecouplingoftheirbodiesisn'tprecioustoahusbandand wife,thensomehowtheyarefailingtohonorsexuallove. Eachtimeahusbandandawifecometogether,theirmutualjoyanddelightineachothershouldmakethemloveandadmireGodmore thanever.Godnotonlyordainedtheembraceoflove,butasthispassagestates,HealsodemandsthatHisfollowersknowhowto possesstheirownvesselsinsanctificationandhonor.ThentheynotonlypleaseHim,buttheyalsoenjoyamoreabundantlovelife. Indeed,thebenefitsofknowinghowtopossessthesexualrelationshipinsanctificationandhonorarewondrous.Dr.HelenKaplanstates thatthe"bestaphrodisiac,"orlovepotion,knowntomodernmanisn'toystersorvitaminE.It'slove!Loveincreasesbothsexualdesire andpleasure.Withoutlove,thesexualorgansofbothmenandwomenbecomelesssensitiveandrequiremorestimulationforarousalto takeplace.(Kaplan,DisordersofSexualDesire,pp.1314and61.) Truly,Godlovesmenandwomen!Yetforcenturies,people,claimingtoworshipGod,deniedthebeautiful,fulfillingloverelationshipasa shamefulevil.However,theapostlePauldeniesthatgodlylovemakingandwantonactssharethesamebed:

AvoidthePitfalls
IThess.4:5:"...notinlustfulpassion,liketheGentileswhodonotknowGod;..." "Lustful"means"desire,craving,longing,speciallydesireforwhatisforbidden,lust"(Thayer,p.238). "Passion"means"1.whateverbefallsone,whetheritbesadorjoyous;speciallyacalamity,mishap,evil,affliction;2.afeelingwhichthe mindsuffers,anaffectionofthemind,emotion,passion;passionatedesire,depravedpassion,vilepassions"(Thayer,p.472). Paulsaysplainly:GodwantsHispeopletorejoiceinadifferentandbettersexualrelationshipthantheGentileswhodonotknowGod. Theword"know,"thesamewordasinversefour,referstoaccurate,preciseknowledgeaboutagivensubject.Peopleoftheworldfailto evenbegintoknowthefirstthingaboutGodorHisplanforanabundantlife.Notonlythat,theycelebrateassexualliberationacheap imitationofgood,fulfillingsexuallove.Paulwarnsthatallsexualunionsdon'tfulfillnordoallsexualunionsachievethegoalsGod intends. DerrickBaileystatesinSexualRelationinChristianThoughtthatsexualpuritydidn'tmeananythingtotheGreeks,theprominentgroup ofGentiles.Theyreadilypracticedhedonism,thedoctrinethatpleasureisthesoleorchiefgoodinlife.Accordingly,theyfulfilledtheir moraldutybythegratificationoftheirpleasureseekinginstinctsanddispositions.Inotherwords,theysatisfiedtheirsexualappetites anywaytheywantedto. TheGreekscoupledtheirsexualindulgenceswithalowviewofwomen.Asaresult,bothprostitutionandhomosexualityflourished. Widespreadcorruptionofyouthstookplaceasolderhomosexualsintroducedthemtothe"gay"life.Theirlicentioussensuality degeneratedinto"coarse,brutal,andcalculatedvice."(DerrickSherwinBailey,SexualRelationinChristianThought[NewYork:Harper& Brothers,1959],p.4.) Manypeoplelament,"Whatistheworldcomingto?Thisisthemostperversegenerationyet!"TheyassumetheBible,abookwritten thousandsofyearsago,isoutofdateandcouldn'tpossiblyapplytothepresentcentury.However,thedescriptionoftheGentilesofthat timesoundslikethedailynewspapers. Evidently,theChristianswhofirstreadPaul'sletterlivedamongthesamesexuallyimmoralpracticesasChristiansdotoday.People changelittlethroughoutthecenturies.Theirmeansofsinningchange,butthesinsremainthesame.TheylistenedtoPlatoandSocrates singabouthomosexualityatparties.Modernpeoplewatchtelevisionglorifythesamesexualsinsintheprivacyoftheirhomes. FornicationstillincludeshomosexualitywhethersungaboutbyGreekpoetsorportrayedbyactors. Paul'steachingthattheGentilesdonotholdthekeystosexualhappinessappliesequallytoday.Forexample,thefamousbiologistDr. AlfredKinsey,astillquotedandfollowedpioneerinthefieldofsexresearchinthe1940sand1950s,viewedanimalbehaviorasamodel forhumansexualbehavior.HeexplainedinhisFemaleReportthattobefullyliberatedsexually,hebelievedapersonshouldbeinvolved ineverytypeofsexualactivityincludinghomosexualityandbestiality.(Dr.JudithA.ReismanandEdwardW.Eichel,Kinsey,Sexand
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Fraud:TheIndoctrinationofaPeople[Lafayette,La:HuntingtonHousePublishers,1990],p.6.)Indeed,theamountofspaceinhisbooks promotinghomosexualityasnormalanddesirablefarexceedsthelimitedspacedevotedtoheterosexuality. Tosubstantiatetheseprejudices,hisresearchforhisfirstbookSexualBehaviorintheHumanMaleturnedtothescumofsociety,orthe GentileswhoknownotGod,fordata.Kinseyandhisresearchassistantsvisitedprisonsscatteredoveradozenstatestointerview1,400 convictedsexoffendersincludingthoseguiltyofchildmolestationandrape.(W.B.Pomeroy,Dr.KinseyandtheInstituteforSex Research[NewYork:Harper&Row,1972],pp.202203asquotedbyReismanandEichel,Kinsey,SexandFraud,p.22.) InbothhisMaleReportandhisFemaleReport,Kinsey'schaptersonthesexualityofchildrenusedhomosexualswhohadrelationswith youngboysandpedophilestogeneratethedataonthesexualresponsesofchildrenincludinginfants.TheKinseyteamevenrefusedto cooperatewithpoliceonapprehendingapedophilewhowasbeingsoughtinregardtoasexmurder.Dr.Reismanassumesthatthe murdervictimwasachildandthatpossiblyinformationofasexualnaturewasobtainedbythekillerandsubsequentlyappearedin Kinsey'stablesonchildsexuality.(ReismanandEichel,Kinsey,SexandFraud,p.53.) LaterwhenKinseyresearchedhissecondbookSexualBehaviorintheHumanFemale,hecontinuedhispracticeofinterviewingsexually abnormalindividuals.Hegatheredhisdataonwomenbyanalyzingmostlysinglewomenwithahighportionofthembeingprostitutes.As azoologist,he"classifiedawomanandahoginthesamezoologicalcategory.Kinseycouldseenoreasonwhyawoman'ssexuallife shouldnotbepatternedafterthatofahog.Ahoghasnohorribleinhibitionsaboutsex;whyshouldawoman?"Toprovehispoint,he hiredprostitutesandothervolunteerstocometohislaboratoryforobservationandtesting.(S.I.McMillen,M.D.,NoneofThese Diseases[OldTappan,NJ:FlemingH.Revell,1967],pp.4546.)) Kinseykeptwellhiddenhissourceofdata;and,asaresult,hisreportsstartedthesexualrevolutionashepromisednorestraintsandno frustrations.Societyapplaudedhimasthefinalauthorityonsexualconductashisfollowerszealouslyappliedthevarioustechniqueshe taughtandimpliedthateverybodywasdoing.Butfailingtofindthemagiccombinationofbodies,menandwomenwentfrommarriage tomarriage.Whenfrequentdivorcesbecametoocumbersome,manypeoplesimplyhoppedfrombedtobedinliveinrelationships. Later,anewbreedofsexologistsinthe1970sdiscoveredwidespreadmiseryevenamongpeoplewhoshowedfewsexualrestraints.Re examiningKinsey'sresearchmethods,theyfoundthathehadleftoutanessentialfunctioninhisexperiments.Kinsey,whilefocusingon thebody'sresponsesinabnormal,masochisticmenandwomen,hadcompletelyignoredtheroleofthemind.(CarolBotwinwithJerome L.Fine,"IsThereSexAfterSaying`IDo'?"[Reader'sDigest,Feb.1980],p.91.) InspiteoftheseglaringflawsinKinsey'sresearch,hisworkcontinuestoshapesexualmoralsinthiscountry.Sincesuchchildabuseand sexualmolestationthatmadeuphisstudiesisagainstthelaw,noothersexresearchershavedaredtofollowKinsey'sexampleanddo actualresearchonchildren.Asaresult,Kinsey'sresearchonchildrenstillstandsandiswidelyusedtodaybytheFederalGovernmentand otheragenciesindesigninghomosexualorientedsexeducationforbothpublicschoolsanduniversities.(H.Knight,Dr.Kinseyandthe ChildrenofTable34[Washington,DC:FamilyResearchCouncil,1994],pp.78.) Whilemanymodernresearchersaddthemindtothephysicalpartofthesexualunion,theystillleaveouttheimportantelementof "purity."Theysay,"Ourprincipleswillworkwhetheryou'remarried,single,orhomosexual." YetallthewaythroughtheBible,Godemphasizespurity.Contrarytopopularopinion,truemaritalpuritydoesn'tinhibiteithersexual desireorsexualpleasure.Rather,purity,asrevealedintheBible,notman'sviewofpurity,readiesthemindforenhancedsexualdesire andliberatesthebodyforatrulywondrousunionwiththemarriagepartner. Scientistscannottesttheroleofpurityinthelaboratory.Menandwomen,byconsentingtobeingwatched,photographed,probed,and wiredwhiletellingall,loseimmediatelytheelementofpuritybeforesexualintercourseevenbegins.Byfailingtorecognizetheroleof purityinthesexualrelationship,modernsexologistsstilldonothaveacompletepictureofsexualfulfillment. Thus,modernresearchstilllagsbehindtheplainsexualtruthsoftheBibletruths,whichhavewithstoodthetestsoftimeandthe laboratories.Whoknowswhatelementsofsexualpleasureandfulfillmentresearcherswilldiscoverinthetwentyfirstcentury?Sexual loveistooimportanttowaitformankindtocatchupwithGod!

EmphasizetheBrain
Forthousandsofyears,theBibletaughtwhatexpertsonlynowrecognizethatthebraindictatesalltheresponsesofthephysicalbody, makingitthemostimportantsexualorganofall.Whenapersontakescareofthemind,thebodyautomaticallytakescareofitsown responses.
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Foryears,mostresearchersreadilyagreedthataperson'sbasicunderlyingattitudesusuallycausedsuchsexualproblemsasfrigidityand impotence.However,doctorsnowattributetofaultythinkingmanycasesofprematureejaculationandlackofsensationduringorgasm forbothmalesandfemales.Wrongattitudesandemotionsinhibitnormalphysicalresponses. ThisshowswhyGod'speopleusuallyachieveagreaterdegreeofsuccessintheloveembracethanunbelievers:Godlypeopledevote theirwholelivestofreeingtheirmindsfrombitterness,hatred,jealousy,envy,selfishness,lackofselfworth,lackofselfcontrol,and guiltattitudeswhichhindertrueloveandblocksexualsignalsandresponses.Byfreeingthemselvesfromtheseinhibitingpersonality weaknesses,God'speopleinherittheabilitytolovetheirmatestotallyphysically,mentally,andspiritually. Asimpletestprovesthistrue:Thehand,whilenotthoughtofasasexualorgan,respondssexuallytotheattitudesandfeelingsofthe mind.Lookatyourhandandthinkabouthowitfeltthelasttimeyouindulgedinangertowardyourmateandhetouchedyourhand.Did yourhandautomaticallysqueezeyourmate'shandinreturn,ordidittrytojerkaway? Nowrememberthelasttimeyouthoughtlovingandadoringthoughtsaboutyourmateandhetouchedyourhand.Didtheelectrical chargeraceupyourarm,doaleapingsomersaulttothepitofyourstomachonlytodancebackupalongyourspineandsparkleoutyour eyestofondlycaressyourmate?Allthatwithabodypartnotdesignedprimarilyforlove! ThesensitiveorgansofloverespondevenmoredramaticallytoamindfilledwithGod'sprinciplesofdailylivingandlovingstandards. LearningthesexualtruthsoftheBibleunlocksthepowerofthemindtoprovidefulfillingandenjoyablelovemakingforGod'speople. Dr.HelenKaplanexplainsinherbookDisordersofSexualDesirehowthebraincontrolsthebody'ssexualfunctions.Doctorshave discoveredthatthepartofthebrainthataffectssexualdesireandresponsehas"extensiveconnections"withalltheotherareasofthe brain.Thisincludesthepartsofthebrainthatstoreandrememberpastevents.Italsoconnectstothepartthatanalyzesallthe experiencesoflife,whethergoodorbad.Evensubconsciousthoughtsandfeelingsaffectthesexualimpulsesofthebrain.Asaresult,all thethoughtsandactivitiesofaperson'slifeeitherenhanceorinhibithissexualdesiresandpleasure.(Kaplan,DisordersofSexual Desire,pp.1012.) Atlast,scienceknowswhatGodhasalwayssaideversinceAdamfirst"knew"Eve."Knew"isnotaprudishtranslationbuttheactual meaningoftheoriginalHebrewword.Itindicatesageneralknowledgeaboutagivenmatter.Thus,thesexualunionisanactofthetotal personfullyexperiencingor"knowing"thepartner'stotalpersonality.

God'sLawofCompatibility
Godnotonlycreatedthesexualdesiresofmenandwomen,butGodalsoprovidesarighteoussourceofsatisfyingthosedesires.Paul (throughinspiration)laysdownaconciselawofcompatibility.Whenboththehusbandandthewifefollowthislaw,harmonyof frequencyandhappinesseasilyresultswhilenormaltemptationsareprevented.

EachPersontoHaveOwnSpouse
ICor.7:2:"Butbecauseofimmoralities[fornicationKJV],leteachmanhavehisownwife,andleteachwomanhaveher ownhusband." "Have"means"1.have,hold;2.own,possess"(Thayer,p.268). "Own"means"pertainingtoone'sself,one'sown,whatisone'sownasopposedtobelongingtoanother,apersonwhomaybesaidto belongtoone,aboveallothers"(Thayer,p.296297). Thefirstlogicalrequirementforsexualhappinessisthatahusbandmusthavehisownwifeandawifemusthaveherownhusband.Both thewords"have"and"own"showownershipthatthehusbandandthewifepossessthesexualfavorsandbenefitsoftheother. NowhereintheBibledoesGodmakeanydistinctionsbetweenthephysicaldesiresofthehusbandorthewifeorintheirabilitiesfor sexualenjoymentbothmenandwomenneedandthriveonthisrelationshipinmarriage.GodwantsHispeopletohaveasexualpartner whobelongsonlytothemthattheydonotsharewithanyoneelse. Astrologersclaimthatonlycertainsignsofthezodiacshouldmarryeachothertoinsurecompatibility.Contrarytowhatthehoroscope bookssay,theonlybasicrequirementforcompatibilityisa"man"anda"woman."IncompatibilitycomesfromdisregardingGod's marriagelaws,notthesignsofthezodiac.
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IsaiahsaysastrologerspreyonthegullibilityoftheyouththeoneswhohavenotyetlearnedtotrustGodforleadership.However,as theyoungfollowersofastrologygrowolder,followingthesignsbecomeswearisomeandunprofitableforthem.Bythen,they'vealready wastedtheiryouthfollowingafalseguide.Isaiahchallenges"Letnowtheastrologers,thosewhoprophesybythestars,thosewho predictbythenewmoons,standupandsaveyoufromwhatwillcomeuponyou.Behold,theyhavebecomelikestubble,fireburns them;theycannotdeliverthemselvesfromthepoweroftheflame"(Isa.47:1215).Intheend,theastrologerscannotsavethemselves, letaloneanyoneelse. PaulteachesinRom.1:25thatwhensomeoneworshipsthecreatureratherthantheCreatorhepracticesidolatry.Lettingthestars, moon,andsunguideone'slifethroughhoroscopesisamodernformofidolatry.Whenawoman'ssigntellsherthataScorpioisstrong willed,sheistemptedtoexcuseherproblemswithherhusbandonthegroundsthattheirnaturesjustconflictnaturally.Thistakesaway thewoman'smotivationtogotoGod'swordandfindoutwhetherornotshepracticestruesubjection.Likewise,whenthehoroscopes saythataLibraandaLeoshouldnotmarrybecausetheywillbesexuallyincompatible,amanmayattributehiswife'ssexualcoldnessto theirsignsinsteadoftoafailureonhisparttotrulylovehiswifeashisownbody. Fullcompatibilityrequiresbotha"man"anda"woman"eachgivingpleasuretotheother,ratherthanusingeachotherinaselfish manner.TheBiblenowheresaysanythingaboutaLibramarryingaLeo,orScorpio,oranyothersignmarryinganothersign.When createdthingsguideacouples'lovelifeinsteadoftheCreator,theyhavenoguaranteeofhappiness,onlyanexcusefornotfollowing God'swisdom. Godtellsthepurposeofthesun,moon,andstarsinGen.1:14.Theyaretogivelightsandbeforsigns,andforseasons,andfordaysand yearstoregulatetime.Theyarenotintheheavenstoguidelivesandmarriages.

EachPersontoFulfillDuty
ICor.7:3:"Letthehusbandfulfillhisdutytohiswife,andlikewisealsothewifetoherhusband." "Fulfill"means"putawaybygiving,giveup,giveover;1.deliver(relinquishwhatisone'sown)hencetogiveawayforone'sownprofit whatisone'sown,i.e.sell;2.payoff,discharge(whatisdue[becauseadebt,likeaburden,isthrownoff,bybeingpaid];adebt);3.give back,restore;4.requite,recompense"(Thayer,p.60). "Duty"means"thatwhichisowed,adebt,conjugalduty"(Thayer,p.469).Theonlyotherplaces"duty"isusedintheNewTestamentare inMatt.18:32andRom.13:7whereitreferstopayingdebtstoothers. Thewords"fulfill"and"duty"bothincludetheideaofpayingbacksomethingowedtoanother.Thinkingofthesexualrelationshipasa dutyseemsoffensivetomanypeople.Yetwhenapersonentersmarriage,hetakesonadebt,justasapersonwhosignsaloancontract tobuyanewcarassumesadebt.Promisingtomakeregularpaymentsonthecardoesn'ttakeawaythenewcarowner'sjoyof ownership.Hegladlypaysthedebtfortheprivilegeofdrivingthenewcarwhereverhewants. Whenamanmarries,heassumesasimilardebtwithhiswifetosatisfyhersexualdesirestothepointthatsexualtemptationsdonot enticeher.Thesameistruewiththewife.Shetakesonadebtinmarriagetocompletelysatisfyherhusband'ssexualdesiressothathe's nottemptedtoengageinillicitsexualconduct.Boththehusbandandthewifeshareamaritaldebttopayofftotheother. Sometimesthinkingaboutlovemakingasadutytobeperformedfortheotherorthinkingabouttheotherjustperforminghisdutyturns bothmenandwomenoffsexually.Seeninthislight,ittakesawaymuchoftheemotionalandphysicalpleasureoftheact.However,the husbandandthewifebothneedtorecognizetheother'sdependenceonthemforsexualfulfillment.Godsaysthatdependencecan'tbe takenlightly.Atthesametime,thehusbandorthewifewhotreatssexualintercourseonlyasadutyusuallyfailstofullysatisfythe mate'ssexualdesires.Instead,theattitudeofonlyperformingone'sdutytemptstheothertocommitfornication. TheageofVictorianmoralsdemonstratedthisprincipleabundantly.Whileadvocatingthatgoodwomenlackedtheabilitytoenjoysexual intimacy,theVictorianmoraliststaughtthewivestosubmittotheirhusbands'desiresastheirmaritalduty.TheVictorianwomendida goodjobofdoingtheirdutyandenduringtheirhusbands'supposedlyanimalnatures.Atthesametime,thedoctorslamentedoverand overaboutthelargenumberofhusbandswhobroughthomesyphilisandgonorrheatotheirwivesfromseekingsexualsatisfaction fromprostitutestheonlywomentowhomtheVictoriansgavetherighttofreelyengageinsexualintercourse.Obviously,whilethe wiveslaythereandallowedtheirhusbandstoventtheirsexualdesiresonthem,thewivesdoingtheir"duty"failedtofullysatisfytheir husbands.

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NearlyeverychapterinMarriage:ATasteofHeaven,Vol.II:GodsPeopleMaketheBestLoversshowsoverandoverhowasatisfying sexualrelationshipmustinvolveamentalunionofboththehusbandandthewife.Awife,eagerandexcitedaboutlovemaking,turnsa normalhusbandon.Herexpressionofloveinthesexualactnotalimpbodyjustlyingtheredoingitsdutyravisheshim. TheSongofSolomonshowshowduringtheircourtship,themaidenpromisedtopayhersexualdebttotheShepherdinmarriage.She madeacommitmenttohimtoinitiatelovemakingaftermarriagewhenshesaid,"ThereIwillgiveyoumylove"(7:12).Shepledgedto bestowallkindsofchoicesexualfruitsonhimwhichshehadsavedup(7:13).Sheassuredhimthathermotherhadtaughtherhowto satisfyaman(8:2).TheShepherdapproachedmarriagewithconfidencethathewasmarryinganexcitingandwillingsexualpartner. TheShulammitealsoexpectedtheShepherdtosatisfyhersexualdesires.Earlyinthestoryshesaid,"Lethislefthandbeundermyhead andhisrighthandembraceme"(2:6).Thenaftertellinghimhowshewouldsatisfyhissexualdesires,sheagainsaid,"Lethislefthandbe undermyheadandhisrighthandembraceme"(8:3).Sherecognizedthepassionsofherbodyandmindwhichheawokeincourtship. SheexpectedtheShepherdtosatisfythosedesiresinmarriage.AplatonicmarriagewouldhaveleftboththeShulammiteandShepherd feelingcheatedoutofthewonderfullovelifetheotherhadpromised. TheShulammitemadeastatementparalleltoICor.7:24inSongofSol.7:9whensherefusedKingSolomonandtoldhimhowshefelt abouttheShepherd.Shesaid,"Iammybeloved's,andhisdesireisforme."Inotherwords,hersexualcharmsbelongedtotheShepherd, andhisdesirewasherprivilegetofulfill.Theywerereadytopossessandtosatisfyeachotherinmarriage.Theycoulddependoneach othersexually. GodshowedHisapprovalwhenHeinspiredthepoettosay,"Eat,friends;drinkandimbibedeeply,Olovers"(SongofSol.5:1).Godwants courtingcouplestomarryandtofulfilltheirpledgesofawonderfullovelifetoeachother. Unfortunately,manywivessuffergreatsexualpainbecause,astheyputit,"Hewasveryaffectionateincourtship,butaftergetting married,he'salotdifferent.Idon'tunderstandwhyhechanged."Manywiveswerepromisedsexualfulfillmentincourtshiponlytofind theirhusbandsnegligentaboutdelivery.Apastduenoticeisn'tmuchfuninbusinessandit'sevenlessfuninmarriage. Likewise,manyhusbandsknowthepainofunsatisfiedsexualdesires.Onehusbandwhohascounseledsexuallyfrustratedmensaid,"The rootofalotofmalebitternessisthattheymadeadeal.Hesaid,Let'sgetmarried,I'llgiveyoukids(thatyougeneticallyaredesperatefor butI'mnot)andahomeandsecurity(alsoinyourpsychewishlist),workingandworryingtoliveuptothemoneyneedssomehow.And yougivemegoodsex(puttingitatthetopoftheday'slist)!" Hecontinued,"Shesays,Sure!andtheygethitched.Thenshegetsallthatshebargainedfor,buthim?Hefeelslikehewassuckeredinto adealnotkept,whilehecannothelpbutdeliverhissideofthedeal,forthekidsmainly.Andthebitternessisextreme." ThepledgesoftheShulammiteandtheShepherdplustheunfaithfulnessofVictorianhusbandstestifythat"duty"involvesmuchmore thanacoldbodylettingtheotherperformasexualactuponit.Proverbs5and7portraysaharlottemptingahusbandtostrayfor reasonsotherthanjustprovidingabodyforsexualgratification,suchasherenthusiasmplusflattery.Thefactthatmanyhusbandssettle forfeignedadmirationfromharlotsshowshowimportantappreciationfromthewifeisforahappysexualrelationship.Awife's emotionallovealongwithherresponsivebodybecomeshermostsatisfyingsexualfeaturetoherhusband. Paulsays,"Becauseofimmoralities...letthehusbandfulfillhisdutytohiswife,andlikewise,alsothewifetoherhusband."Godexpects eachpartnertodeliverthebodyalongwithlovingattitudestotheotherinsuchawayastohelpthemateavoidsinningbyimpure thoughtsordeeds. Thehappinessofthesexualrelationshipdependsinlargepartonboththehusbandandthewifeknowingthattheotherisalways availablementally.Thisknowledgeprotectsthepartnerwiththestrongerdesiresfromfeelingrejectedbytemporarysetbacksontheway tosexuallove,whencircumstancesbeyondtheircontrolpreventlovemaking.Inthisway,thehusbandorthewifeknowsthatthe"no"is notapersonalrejection. Thepartnerwiththeweakerdesiresoughttoallowtheothertostimulatehimorherforlovemaking.Likewise,thepartnerwiththe greaterdesiresoughttowillinglydomostoftheworkofinitiatingsexuallove.Ifthepersonwiththelowerdesireslendshimorherselfto themomentandallowstheothertotouchandtoexpresslovewithoutbeingpressuredtoperform,heorshemaywellfindsexualdesire surgingforrelease. Sometimes,justtellingthematewithlowerdesiresonewantstomakeloveproducesadelayedeffect,eventhoughthemateinitially says,"no."Plantingtheideagivesthemateachancetoexperiencehisownsexualcuesforafuturedate.Andifthematewiththe
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strongerdesiresapproachestheotherlongbeforedesireturnstofeelingsofdeprivation,thentheybothcaneagerlyanticipatethenext sexualencounter.Makingdateswiththespousehelpsprepareboththemindandthebodytorespondgloriouslyintheembraceoflove. "TheRedbookReportonSexualRelationships"of26,000menandwomenfoundthatthecoupleswiththebestsexuallivesdidn'twant sexualintercourseabout25percentofthetimewhentheyhadrelations.Inasimilarmanner,thecoupleswhoratedtheirlovelivesgood toexcellentsaidthat75percentofthetimetheyweren'tinterestedinlovemakingwhen,infact,theydidengageinsexual intercourse.Redbookwantedtoknowwhythesecouplesstillratedtheirlovelivessohighwhenfrom25to75percentofthetimethey weren'tinterestedinsexualcontact,butmadeloveanyway.Theanswer?Theyendedupenjoyingit.Theywillinglysurrenderedtotheir marriagepartners'needsandpassions.Asaresult,theyratedtheirlovelivesfromthebesttoexcellenttogood.(PhilipandLornaSarrel, "TheRedbookReportonSexualRelationships,"Redbook[Oct.1980],p.75.) Thementaldifferencesbetweenthemaleandthefemalemindsmakescompatibilityarealisticgoal.WhiletheShepherdpleadedforthe Shulammitetoalwaysgiveherlovetohim,herecognizedhispartbyspendingtimecultivatingherlove.TheSongofSolomonemphasizes thenecessityforemotionalinvolvementfortruelove.Withoutthementalunion,thephysicalunionlacksmuchofitssplendorandglory. Goddesignedthementalnaturesofthemaleandthefemaletofitperfectlytogether. Likewise,thephysicalnaturesofthemaleandthefemalebodiesfitperfectlytogether.Goddesignedawomanastheperfectguardianof bothmentalandphysicallove.Shecanmakelovenearlyanytimewhethershe'stiredorenergetic,thoughshecanbecomesofatigued orpreoccupiedthatherbodydoesn'trespondasfullyasshewouldlike.Thewomancanalsoforgolovemakingevenwhenshegreatly desiresitifherhusbandisnotphysicallyable.Atrulylovingwomanunderstandsthatherhusbandismadedifferentlyfromher,andshe isn'thurtwhenheistemporarilyunabletoengageinthesexualembrace.Atsuchtimesshechannelsherloveintootheravenuesof expressionsuchashugging,patting,kissing,orevenbakingapieforherhusband.Sheknowsthatwhentheymustpostponelovemaking, itbecomesjustthatmuchbetterthenexttime. Theman,however,ismorelimitedbyhisphysicalabilities.Ifhe'soverworkedorpreoccupied,hemaydesireandneedlovemaking,but lackthephysicalstaminanecessary.Whenacouplejoinstogetheremotionallyandsharesgenuineconcernforeachother,thewoman possessestheabilitytoalwayssatisfyherhusbandbyhergentlesexualmakeup,takinghercuefromhimeitherinstimulatinghimor waitingforabettertime. Becausethewifedesiresthemanmorethanthesexualactitself,themanpossessestheabilitytoalwayssatisfyhiswife'sneeds.Ifthe husbandallowshimselftogettootiredsothathenotonlyfailstosatisfyhiswife,butalsoneglectshimself,thewisewifesolvesthe problembyarousinghisdesiretomaketimeandenergyforlovemaking. Godcreatedthewomanasaperfectguardianofloveandthehusbanddependsonhertofulfillherrole.Infact,Dr.MaxineDavissaysthe wife'sattitudetowardlovemakingdetermineswhathappenstoherhusband'ssexualcapacitiesinhislateryears.Whenthewifepassively doesherduty,shemaycauseherhusbandtobecome"impotentwithher"longbeforeagetakesawayhisabilities.Thewife,morethan thehusband,keepssexualinterestandactivitygoingthroughoutalongmarriage.(MaxineDavis,TheSexualResponsibilityof Woman[NewYork:DialPress,1956],asquotedbyDonaldW.Hastings,M.D.,ADoctorSpeaksonSexualExpressioninMarriage,Second Edition[Boston:Little,BrownandCo.,1971],p.38.) Thehusband'sfailuretopayhissexualdebtalsoaffectswhathiswifebecomesovertheyears.Suchahusbandforceshiswifeto constantlystrivetocontrolherpentupsexualdesiresbydenyingheralegitimatewayofrelievingthem.Asaresult,shelosesmuchof hertruelovingpersonalityherfemininityisevenaffected.Shemustchannelallofherenergyintoavoidingsininherthoughts,rather thangivingherselfmentallyovertolovingherhusband.Suchawifeworkshardatnotdegeneratingintoabittershrewofanoldwoman inherlateryears.Manyawomanlosesthatbattlewithbitternessallbecauseherhusbanddidn'tdeliverwhathepromisedincourtship. Evenifoutofignorance,hedidn'tpromisetosatisfyhersexualneedsinmarriage,Godstillpromisesherthatshehasarighttoexpect sexualsatisfactionfromherhusband.

NeitherPersonCanSatisfySelf
ICor.7:4:"Thewifedoesnothaveauthorityoverherownbody,butthehusbanddoes;andlikewisealsothehusbanddoes nothaveauthorityoverhisownbody,butthewifedoes." "Authorityover"means"tohavepowerorauthority,usepower;tobemasterofanyone,exerciseauthorityoverone,tobebrought underthepowerofanyone"(Thayer,p.225).

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Oftenhusbandsandwivesselfishlyusethispassageoneachotherbysaying,"YourbodybelongstomeandIhavetherighttosaywhat happenssexually.Ihavetheauthorityoveryourbody."Thisattitudeconveystheoppositeofwhattheversesays. Thisversecontainstwoellipsestwo"notbut"constructionswithacommonverb.Anellipsis,acommonGreekwordcombination, showsarelationshipbetweentwothingsthatarebothtrue,butitplacestheemphasisonthesecondoverthefirst.Inotherwords,the wifehasauthorityoverherownbody,butthehusbandexercisesgreaterauthorityoverherbody. Yetthehusband'sauthorityisnottotellthewifewhattodowithherbody.Rather,thehusbandexerciseshisauthoritybygivinghis wife'sbodysexualsatisfactioninkeepingwiththecontextofthepassage"becauseofimmoralities."Thus,thewifepossessessome authorityorabilitytosatisfyherownsexualdesiresthroughmasturbation. However,thepassageemphasizesherhusband'spowertosatisfyherincomparisontoherownabilityheexertsmuchmorepowerto satisfyherbymakingavaginalorgasmpossible.Infact,onceawomantastesofavaginalorgasm,masturbationseemsemptyand worthless.Ittakesahusbandtosatisfyawife'sdeepestfeminineneeds.(Marriage:ATasteofHeaven,Vol.II:GodsPeopleMaketheBest Loversdiscussesindetailthedifferencebetweenavaginalandaclitoralorgasm.) Thismakesmasturbationasinwhenthehusbandusesittodrainoffhissexualenergiessothathefailstosatisfyhiswife'ssexualneeds. TimLaHayesaysinhisbookTheActofMarriagethataman'sheavyuseofmasturbationisthemostcommoncauseofalowsexualdrive inahusbandforhiswife.Hesaysthatamanoftengetsintothehabitinhisyouthandcarriesitoverintohismarriage.Whenacouple comestohimforcounselingbecauseofahusband'slowsexualinterest,thefirstquestionhealwaysasksisifthemanmasturbates. Thewomanwieldsthesamepoweroverherhusbandashedoesoverher.Thehusband,likewise,exerciseslimitedpowertorelievehis sexualurgesincomparisontohiswife'spower.TheRedbooksurveyof40,000menfoundthatthemosthappilymarriedmendidn'tenjoy masturbationnearlyasmuchasmakinglovewiththeirwives.(CarolTavris,"TheSexLivesofHappyMen,"PartII,Redbook[March1978], p.197.)Consequently,ahusbanddoesnotpossessthenecessarybodypartstofullysatisfyhimselfonlyhiswifecangivehimthevery bestofsexualthrills. Whileboththehusbandandthewifedependontheotherforsexualsatisfaction,bothalsofindtheirgreatestpleasureinexperiencing theother'ssatisfaction.Thewifefindsherfulfillmentinseeingherhusband'sdeepsatisfactionfromhercharms.Likewise,thehusband findsgreatpleasureinhisabilitytogivesupremedelighttohiswife.ManyofthemenintheRedbooksurveysaidthatthebest lovemakingoccurredwhentheirwivesobviouslyexperiencedtheirbesttimes.(Tavris,"TheSexLivesofHappyMen,"p.195.) Pleasureselfishlysoughtoftenevadestheseeker.Instead,pleasurecomesfromseekingtogivepleasuretothemarriagepartner. Sinceneithermarriagepartnercanadequatelysatisfyhisorherownsexualdesires,thequestionoffrequencyoftencomesup.Some husbandsandwiveswantmorelovemaking.Othersthinktheyhavetoomuchandwouldlikeless.Allthesecoupleswanttoknowwhatis normalsotheycanconvincetheirmatestohaveeithermoreorlesssexualcontact. Toanswerthisneed,mostofthebooksaboutthesexualrelationshipgiveaveragesforeachagegroup.Yetsomeofthemorerecent bookswhichrecognizetheroleofthemindinthesexualunionpointoutthattheweeklyfiguresfailtoshowthelevelofhappinessinthe marriagessurveyed.Socertainquestionsarise,"Dohappycouplesengageinsexualintercoursethreetimesaweek,ordotheyenjoy lovemakingmoreoftenthantheaverageunhappilymarriedcouples?Ordounhappilymarriedcouplesengageinthesexualembrace moreoftenthanhappilymarriedcouplesinanefforttofindthemissingelementintheirlovelives?" Intruth,thestatisticsfailtoproveanythingandleavemanycouplesrightwheretheystartedfrustratedwitheithertoolittleortoo muchsexualcontact.However,God'streatmentoftheproblemshowsHisloveformankind.Godprovidesaformulaforeachmarried coupletoapplytotheirindividualmarriagetodeterminehowmuchorwhatkindoflovemakingisrightforthem.GodtailormadeHislaw ofcompatibilitytosatisfytheneedsofeachcouple,regardlessofhowoftenothercouplesengageinsexualintercourse. Basically,theamountofsexualactivitynecessaryforprotectingboththehusbandandthewifefromsexualtemptationsdetermineshow oftenacoupleshouldengageinthesexualrelationship(ICor.7:5).Forexample,manyhusbandsandwiveswakeupthinkingsexual thoughts.Infact,researcherssaythatmostpeoplefeeltheirstrongestsexualurgesintheearlymornings.Ifboththehusbandandthe wifefeelsatisfiedwiththeirsexuallife,theywakeupthinkinglovingthoughtsoftheotherperhapsrememberingthenightbefore. However,ifthesexualrelationshipfrustrateseitheroneofthepartners,thepicturechangescompletely.Thehusbandorthewifemay wakeupwithanillicitsensualdreamonhisorhermind.Ifthepersontriestomaintainpurethoughts,hemustdeliberatelyforcethe improperthoughtsoutofthemind.Thiscreatesangerandbitternesstowardthespousebeforethedayevenstarts.
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Thesesensualdreamscomeaboutinanaturalway.Ifthehusbandorthewifeconstantlyfeelscheatedbyamatewhois frequentlyunavailablefordesiredsexualintimacy,thesubconsciousmaytrytofindanavailablesexualpartnertosatisfylegitimate needs.Whileanungodlypersonmightgiveintothesesensualimaginingsandallowhimorherselftolustafteranothersexualpartner, thegodlyhusbandorwiferesentsthemateforplacinghimorherinapositionofconstantlyfightingsexualtemptation.Likewise,agodly matemustalsoconstantlyfighttheresentmentandbitternessthatisalwayspresent. Ontheotherhand,ifthesexualdesiresareregularlysatisfied,thesubconsciousplugsthespouseintothedreams.Thisfosterslove towardthespouseandcreatesapleasantfeelingofdesireandlonging.Theanswertothequestionofhowmuchlovemakingisrightfora couplemustbedeterminedbyhowmuchsexualactivityisnecessarytokeepillicitsensualdreamsandtemptationsfromoccurring.The coupledeterminesthisbytheirintimateconversations.Ifeitheroneofthepartnersfacessexualtemptations,thentheyshouldworkat increasingthefrequencyofsexualintercourse,orworkatenjoyinglovemakingmore,orboth.

Conclusion
Attheirweddings,couplesusedtopledge,"Forsakingallothers,tohaveandtohold,insicknessandhealth,forricherorpoorer,andfor betterorworse."Havingandholdingmakessickness,poverty,andmisfortunesworthit.Nomatterhowhealthy,wealthy,orsmiledupon bygoodfortune,abrokenheartinthebedroommakesitallworthless.That'swhytheShepherd,whoofferedonlyalifeofhardworkand poverty,wontheShulammite'sheartawayfromKingSolomon,whopromisedherluxuriesandprestigebeyonddescription,butwithout sexuallove. Godsocreatedthewomanthatwhenherhusbandsatisfiesherdeepestsexualneeds,nosacrificeistoogreattobewithhim.Hemaybe apoorShepherdtoothers,buttoher,he's"dazzlingandruddy,outstandingamongtenthousand"(SongofSol.5:10). Likewise,Godwarnsthemannottogetsocaughtupinthechallengesofsubduingtheearththathelosesthepriorityofenjoyinglife withthewomanheloves.ThatisGod'srewardforhislabors(Eccl.9:9).Whenawifegiveshersexuallovefreelytoherhusband,allthe sacrificeshemakestoprovideforherandtheirchildrenareworththeworryandthelonghours.Whenawifesatisfiesherhusband's deepestneedsforalovingcompanion,hefeelsrichlyrewardedbyGodforhislabors. TheSongofSolomonendswiththeShepherdpleadingwiththeShulammitetocometothewedding.Sheresponds,"Hurry,mybeloved, andbelikeagazelleorayoungstagonthemountainsofspices."TheythenenteredintothemostwonderfulrelationshipeverthatGod providesforHispeopletoenjoyonearth.Theywerebotheagerandreadytopaytheirdebtstoeachotherastheyjoinedinsexuallove. God'speoplenotonlycanenjoyallthatsexualloveofferswithaclearconsciencewhichfreestheirbodiesfortotalsexualliberation,but theyshouldalsothankthewonderfulCreatorfordesigningsuchagreatmaritalblessing.SuchathoughtfulCreatordeservestobe cheerfullythanked,loved,andserved.Yes,eveninbed!

PermissiontoReproduceWhyChristiansMaketheBestLovers
WhyChristiansMaketheBestLoversbyPatsyRaeDawsonisavailableatPatsyRaeDawson.com.Itmaybecopiedfornoncommercialuse only,providedyoudothefollowing:1.Retainallcopyright,trademarkandproprietynotices;2.Makenomodificationstothematerials; 3.DonotusethematerialsinamannerthatsuggestsanassociationwithPatsyRaeDawsonLLC;and;4.Donotdownloadquantitiesof materialstoadatabase,server,orpersonalcomputerforreuseforcommercialpurposes.Youmaynotusethismaterialinanyotherway withoutpriorwrittenpermission.Foradditionalpermissions,contactPatsyRaeDawsonLLCatPatsy@PatsyRaeDawson.com. ThisbookletiscomposedofexcerptsfromMarriage:ATasteofHeaven,Vol.II:GodsPeopleMaketheBestLoversbyPatsyRaeDawson, anawardwinningauthor.ItprovidesasmallsampleofthewealthofexcitinginformationfoundintheBibleaboutthesexualnaturesof bothmenandwomenandhowtheycanfindsupremephysicalandmentalpleasureinlovemaking.Vol.I:GodsPeopleAppreciate Marriageteachesaboutthedifferencesbetweenmenandwomenandhowtheybalanceandsupporteachother.Together,thesebooks usetheBibletoexamineindetailhowthehusband'sandthewife'smindsandbodiesfitperfectlytogethertoblessboththeirlivesandto givethembothsupremesexualbliss.ManypeopleenjoyreadingVol.II:GodsPeopleMaketheBestLoversfirst.Yourmarriagewillnever bethesameafteryoureadthesestimulatingvolumes.

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