Probing This technique is effective when you can't tell if the criticism is valid or unjustified because the critic

ic is vague. Probing allows you to gain enough information from the critic to determine their meaning. Using where, what, when, how, and why questions allows you to elicit the information you need to judge how to respond to the criticism. Try it out! Identify the techniques used below 1. Criticism; You walked away from the photocopier leaving a paper jam! Response: You're right- I was in a rush. Sorry, I should have fixed it. 2. Criticism: You never tidy your desk its always so messy looking, Response: You're right. Its been a couple of days since I cleaned it. 3. Criticism: You're biased towards one person in the team. Response: What am I doing that makes you think that? 4. Criticism: Where have you been? we were supposed to be here at 10,00 and its now 10.30l Response: I realise Im late. A crisis came up at work as I was leaving. I tried to call you, but you had already left. What do you think would be appropriate responses for these? How could you make such a stupid mistake, what were you thinking? I dont know why I hired you in the first place? .. I thought your presentation was good but you could have given more examples. You seemed to be in a rush to get it over with him. Summary: Self control lf we focus on our feelings during a confrontation, we are less likely to think rationally. In this section we looked at some strategies to help us calm down and focus:

 Becoming more aware of your own physical reactions. Developing three techniques that help you think rationally and move out of the emotional brain: acknowledging disarming probing Practically apply these techniques in a role play relevant to your working life or you can use role-plays in Resources 3.

Behavioural styles Our interests, values, attitudes and knowledge are expressed by the ways we behave the way we use time, our pace of working, how we communicate, how we handle emotions and manage stress, and deal with conflict. These descriptions translate into the four fairly common behavioural styles we notice in the 21st century office. Before we look at them, we are going to determine your style . What is your behavioural style? Read over the four possible responses for each question. Then write the letter of the one you most agree with in the right hand column. 1. When listening to people saying things youve heard before. Do you a) Have a short attention span? A b) Have a long attention span? c) Show interest in the person speaking? d) Ask questions? 2. Which of the following topics of conversation would you be most interested in discussing? a) An exciting new project that you might be able to get involved in? b) Recent stock market and exchange rate movements?

o) The emotional differences and similarities between men and women? d} A new invention that needs to be improved? 3 When someone is talking to you, are you? a) Quick to say what's on your mind? b) Patient, and listen carefully to the other person? o) Able to feel what they feel? (emphatic) d) interested in coming up with new, provocative, and unusual suggestions? 4 When you have to voice a decision, are you: a) Decisive? b) Cautious and logical? c) Emotional? d) Abstract and a bit difficult to understand? 5. Does your body language: a) Show exactly what youre thinking about doing? b) Hide whats on your mind? c) Open and show your feelings and emotions? d) Reveal your thinking processes, and what's going on in your mind? 6. Do you: a) Interrupt people when they're talking because you are eager voice opinions? b) Listen to what the other person has to say before giving a logical, well thoughtout response? c) focus on the emotions and thoughts of the other person you are conversing with? d) Like to listen and then challenge the validity of what others say? 7. Imagine that your conversation partner was saying something you hadnt considered before, but it seems to clash with your personal values, would you:

a) Interrupt the speaker and voice your opinions? b) Listen carefully to the other person's full position and present a reasoned argument? c) Respect the other person's opinions and feelings and hesitate to challenge directly? . d) Enjoy the opportunity to hear these new ideas, probe for more information and then suggest other possibilities?

. Imagine that you were conversing with 8 someone who wouldn't get to point of he was saying. Would you: /what she a) Get annoyed and complete the other persons message for them? b) Patiently listen and try to understand? c) Try to help the person express themselves by asking questions and paraphrasing'? d) Anticipate what the other person is trying to say and then think over the ideas rather than listening to the full explanation? 9. Imagine that your company is merging with another and was expecting major layoffs. Would you: a) Immediately try to make yourself more valuable to the company? b) Try to figure the number of people likely to be laid off and your chances of being one of them? c) Worry about the human impact of the layoffs? d) Consider the interesting changes likely to come about and how they can be dealt with? 10. Imagine that there was a tire in the office next to yours. Would You: a) immediately jump up and try to put out the fire? b) gather together valuable documents and find out where the safest escape route maybe? c) Gather everyone together and ensure that theyre safe? d) Try to Figure out the source of the problem and deal with that?

If your answers are mostly A, you are Action orientated; mostly B is Process orientated; mostly C is People orientated , and mostly D is ideas orientated.

Different styles Now you are going to get into 4 groups and the trainer will tell give you a particular style you are going to read about and prepare a short presentation on. (While you listen to the other groups presentations, make notes about their styles in the summary box immediately after the explanations in your notes). Action orientated - A bold or direct style of communication. People with this style are brief in their communication - the fewer words the better. They are big picture thinkers and love to be involved in many things at once. They are focused on tasks and outcomes and often forget that the people involved in carrying out the tasks have needs. They don't do detail work easily and as a result can often underestimate how much time it takes to achieve the task. Because they are so direct, they often seem forceful and can be very intimidating to others. They usually would welcome someone challenging them, but most other styles are afraid to do so. They also thrive on change, the more the better. Talk about getting things done, the bottom line", moving ahead, decisions and achievements They tend to be direct, impatient, decisive, quick and energetic They have short attention spans, tend to interrupt others Their body language and vocal cues tend to be accurate indicators of what they are feeling Process - Cool and persevering, translates into the technical or systematic communication style Their style of communication is focused on facts and technical details. Process oriented people have an orderly, methodical way of approaching tasks, and their focus is very much on the task, not on the people, emotions, or concerns that the task may evoke. The focus is also more on the details necessary to accomplish a task. Sometimes the details overwhelm the big picture and focus needs to be brought back to the context of the task. People with this

style think the facts should speak for themselves, and they are not as comfortable with conflict. They need time to adapt to change and need to understand both the logic of it and the steps involved. Talk about facts and figures, policies and procedures, analysis and planning. They tend to be systematic, patient, unemotional, cautious and logical They have long attention spans and hate off-the-cuff (spontaneous) They offer minimal body language and vocal cues about their feelings People - Soft-hearted and oriented toward doing things for others translates into the considerate or sympathetic communication style. A person with this communication style is focused on people and relationships. They are good listeners and do things for other people sometimes to the detriment of getting things done for themselves. They want to solicit everyone's opinion and make sure everyone is comfortable with whatever is required to get the job done. At times this focus on others can distract from the task at hand. Because they are so concerned with the needs of others and smoothing over issues, they do not like conflict. They believe that change threatens the status quo and tend to make people feel uneasy, so people with this communication style need time to consider the changes in order to adapt to them. Talk about needs, motivations, teamwork, values, feelings and beliefs They are spontaneous, empathetic and subjective They hate rigid procedures that fail to take into account human elements Their body language tends to be open and their voices varied Ideas- Tend to be overly cheerful, optimistic, vain, and unpredictable. They are expressive communicators often speaking in pictures. They invest a lot of emotion and energy in their communication and often speak quickly, putting their whole body into it.They are easily sidetracked onto a story that may or may not illustrate the point they are trying to make. Because of their enthusiasm they are great team motivators. They are concerned about people and relationships. Their high levels of energy can come times and their focus is usually on the bigger picture, which means on strong at they sometimes miss the details or the proper order of things. These people find

conflict or differences of opinion invigorating and love to engage in a spirited discussion. They love change and are constantly looking for new and exciting adventures. Talk about innovation and change ,new ways of doing things. concepts and possibilities They tend to be full of ideas, provocative and difficult to understand They like to challenge others and hate rules and regulations Their nonverbal and vocal cues vary substantially. When gathering ideas, they like privacy and may be withdrawn; when promoting ideas, their energy level increases Summary Make some notes about characteristics of each style: think about the way they use time, pace of working, communication style, how they handle emotions, manage stress, and deal with conflict. After you have finished, in groups discuss how best to deal with these people. Focusl Personality Characteristics How best to deal with __` type them Action Process ` People Ideas

Role play Now role play scenarios of your working life where you would be dealing with a person who had a different style to yours. How would you act? We define empathy as the ability to read others emotional states and align our behaviour to theirs. People tend to like people who are like them. If we want to influence others and get them to listen to and understand us, we can behave more like them.