This report is about women with low self-esteem and how this would affect a womans social skills

and her interaction with other people. Self-esteem and low self-esteem in women are discussed together with the factors determining low self-esteem and the signs indicating it. Tips to address this issue of low self-esteem in a woman were also presented and explained. The first part of the report explained self-esteem and presented the factors of low self-esteem. The second part focused on the signs indicating low self-esteem and how it affects her social life. The third part of the report is on tips and strategies that can help our woman audience to overcome low self-esteem while improving her social skills. Low Self-Esteemed Women in Social Situations Do you think youre a social failure? Self-esteem is your own concept and judgment of your worth. It is about the feeling of being worthy and deserving and the confidence which you hold toward yourself. Women are especially vulnerable to problems with self-esteem. Women who have low self-esteem (LSE) have a damaged sense of self-worth. Having low selfesteem could be destructive to your social life. It is a fact and as supported by different studies that women are much more affected and influenced by relationships. This is the primary reason why women with low self-esteem experiences unease in social situations or social anxiety. Many factors can affect your self-esteem: Childhood Experiences Having low self-esteem can be traced back through ones childhood years. Negative comments and criticisms experienced by children are deeply-rooted to their minds. As often as these criticisms are said, children would gradually believe themselves to be like what others are saying them to be recreating themselves based on their words. This is how powerful words are especially during times when a person is starting to create her own identity. Low self-esteem which rooted back through childhood years can manifest its effects during social situations wherein they cant function as well as they want to. Precious Story: As a child, Precious was always scolded and criticized by her parents saying how dumb and uncompetitive she is, be it at school or at home. She grew up believing those words making her very afraid of socializing with others. During her secondary education, she still have no friends and every vacant she has, she always goes back at home. It is no wonder that aside from many absences, she also has many failing grades. She avoids socializing; this is due to her fear of being teased and rejected for being dumb and eventually of being rejected or avoided. Traumatic/Negative Experiences These kinds of experiences are very much destructive to a persons self-esteem. Violence, physical and/or sexual abuses creates shame and feeling of being worthless. These experiences makes a person feel lost, unloved and gives a great sense of being unworthy of good things. It especially affects social interactions and relationships because these victims may think they arent worthy of being loved or that those experiences may happen again.

If one is constantly subjected to negative experiences which make her feel inferior and fear the judgment of others, they are most likely to avoid active participation in any socializing activities. Aprils Story: April was sexually abused when she was 6 years old. This created a deep sense of shame within her as she carried this burden on her own without telling any single soul about it. She was afraid and very ashamed of what happened to her even though it was not her fault. She hasnt had any difficulty making girlfriends, but this experience manifested its effects on her relationship with men. She found it difficult to trust men, even of her own father whom she thinks can do the same abuse to her. She cant have any steady relationship with guys because of trust and esteem issues. Social Interactions Socializing with important people around you, including parents, family members, peer groups, colleagues and superiors affect an individuals self-esteem. If others respect and value you, you would experience high esteem. But if these same people ignore or devalue you, you would experience low esteem. This factor isnt about reality; it is about perception - of how these significant people in your life perceive you would be your perception of yourself. Social interactions affect how a woman with low self-esteem behaves in many social situations. They may become too anxious of their public image that they would if possible avoid any social commitments like attending parties, seminar, and meeting new people. Rachelles Story: Rachelle got pregnant because of pre-marital affairs. In a conservative society, she opted the hard way out not to get married just because she got pregnant in the very same way that the father of the child doesnt want to take the responsibility for her and their child. Aside from being devastated because of her situation, she has become the topic of the rumors and gossips of her colleagues. Her once high esteem spiraled down that if possible, she doesnt want to interact with other people. This affected her job performance because she cant help but be conscious of what other people are saying about her. Current Trends For women, body-image or how a woman perceives her over-all physical appearance is a very important factor in determining ones esteem. In this times where people give high regard with trends in fashion and beauty, it isnt a new thing that many obsesses on having the perfect body and the trending fashion just to keep up. Women most especially experiences low self-esteem because they cant keep up with it; it further leads to insecurity, depression and eating disorders on their part. Ellas Story: Ella is a woman who is very dissatisfied with her physical appearance. She felt so insecure about herself to the point that her social relationships are affected, most especially her relationship with her partner. She always fights with him because of her suspicions that her partner may be having affairs with other women which are more beautiful and sexy than her. She became so paranoid and depressed that thoughts of suicide have frequently crossed her mind. From the given factors and examples, you now know how destructive and thoroughly paralyzing to your social life having low self-esteem is. Can you relate to any of the enumerated factors?

Low self-esteem affects every facet of your life: your job, health, attitudes and behavior, and most especially your relationship with others. Low Self-Esteem and Social Situations Abraham Maslows Hierarchy of Needs can provide an insight of how important socialization is in gaining self-esteem. As seen from the pyramid, a sense of love or belonging needs to be achieved first to gain esteem. So it further explains that having low self-esteem can therefore affect your behavior and attitude in social situations. In social situations, having low self-esteem can really prove to be disastrous. Just imagine yourself unable to function well during these situations wherein you are very anxious, nervous and sweaty in meeting and interacting with other people. Being too afraid of what they may think or say to you, youre actions are very well-guarded and you may tend to just stay away from the crowd and become a wall flower steady, unmoving and if possible you would want others to turn a blind eye on you, for them to forget you ever existed. It isnt just disastrous, Im telling you, its even more pathetic. So lets take a glimpse of the signs of low self-esteem which affects your social skills: Shyness

Shyness is a feeling of awkwardness or being uncomfortable in different social situations like in meeting new people and being under an unfamiliar environment with other people. A woman with low self-esteem, even under familiar situations would try to avoid the object of her uneasiness which is socializing so as to keep from feeling uncomfortable, thus the shyness continues to propagate itself. As a sign of low self-esteem, shyness may impede you from interacting with other people. You should be aware that without socialization, you cant practice your social skills and this may prevent your social growth. Avoidance or withdrawal from social situations

A low self-esteemed woman generally wants to avoid situations where her social skills are compromised. It is during social interactions like going to parties or attending seminars that she becomes more self-conscious. Her self-consciousness comes from her great fear of embarrassing herself. She may also withdraw from social situations like group conversations because she feels she is out of place and cant relate with the group. She doesnt feel any sense of belongingness making her want to withdraw or leave the group. Do you feel the same during group conversations? In the first place, do you even try to contribute any idea or opinion to the group conversation before you say you are out of place from the group? Physical manifestations during social interactions

Are there any physical indications or changes happening in your body when youre under different social situations? Try to observe yourself. Physical manifestations would include blushing, sweating, changes in breathing, fast heartbeat, trembling body or shaking voice. Low

self-esteemed women usually suffer these physical changes because of their fear of making any mistakes that would embarrass them in different social situations. Lenas Story: Lena suffers from low self-esteem that is why different social situations especially those which put her as the center of attention make her fear committing mistakes. Situations like reporting in front of the class never failed to make her stammer while her heart beats fast. After the report, you couldnt help but notice how red her face is because of embarrassment. Intense worrying and excessive dwelling on mistakes made

Do you always worry about future social situations? Or do you dwell on a mistake youve done during the last seminar youve attended? LSE sufferers usually worry on upcoming social situations. These may be parties that will be held next week, speaking engagement or class reporting scheduled in the future. They become too nervous and anxious of making mistakes that would humiliate themselves and thus affect their public image. Dwelling on a mistake you thought youve made happens after the social event took place. Its the consequences of the perceived mistake which makes you dwell on it. Women with low self-esteem tend to be paranoid and to over analyze things even when in fact they really are non-existent. Fearing rejection and disapproval

These fears are usual for a woman with low self-esteem. Her sense of low esteem makes her fear being rejected and disapproved by those people around her, especially those which are significant to her like family, friends, co-workers and superiors. These fears may also stop her from meeting new people and thus there is difficulty in making new friends. She may likely isolate herself because of her fear of rejection and disapproval thus making her social network very limited. Insecurity

Doubting your own capabilities? Envying other peoples abilities? If both to you are yes, youre one insecure woman! Insecurity is a very common trait for women suffering from low selfesteem. They dont believe in their own selves, and the word confident is not an adjective applicable to them. Youre insecurities may drive you not to interact or to know more about other people because of your fear of verifying they are much better than you and make you feel more inferior. Negative Thinking

LSE sufferers cant help themselves but think of negative thoughts. Their past experiences make them pessimistic in many things. It may even affect building relationships with other people because they may think they are not worthy of others affection and love. Low self-esteem is directly connected to ones own perception of self-worth, thus aside from feeling they are unworthy, they may think that they will do give no good effects to other people.

Feeling youre unlikable and full of flaws

Do you see yourself as too clumsy, stupid, dumb or plainly uninteresting? Do you consider yourself perfectly flawed most especially in you physical appearance? If you see yourself amidst these negativities then you do really have a low esteem. Low self- esteem is accompanied by feelings of being flawed and unlikable. This may hinder you from making new friends or socializing because of your fear that they will not like you and may even tease or bully you about your flaws. Other negative feelings you hold toward yourself

Are you afraid to join conversations for fear of having no interesting things to say? Do you feel like everyone is staring at you and any mistake you incur will be held against you? Do you feel like everyone thinks of you as very strange or weird? Oh no, youve been really hit by low esteem! Having low self-esteem can paralyze youre social life for it will hinder you to meet new friends and maintain old ones, especially your relationship with your loved ones and to your partner. Your low esteem drives you to over think on many things that dont really matter, or if it matters, you tend to exaggerate on it. Communication problems

A very common trait of low self-esteem sufferers is difficulty to open up and express their thoughts and emotions. It might be that in one of your traumatic or negative experiences, you were told that nobody would want to listen to you or that anything you say is of no importance; or you feel embarrassed and scared to share and express your feelings; or you may just feel that youre not worthy of listening to all of these are what you feel because of your perception of having no value. So it is most likely that you will have problems in relating to others. Communication is very important in building and maintaining relationship with other people, you cant let them grope in the dark and guess of how you think and you feel. From the signs enumerated, let us ask you again, Do you think youre a social failure? Sometimes you may think that you just werent blessed with the social skills needed to easily get along with others. Its the easier way around, isnt it? Thinking you just dont have the social skills while discounting the fact that failure in this area may have an underlying reason low self-esteem! You dont want to admit it is LSE because it seems incurable, but no, we can just give you the right dose of tips and strategies for you to conquer your low self-esteem. Before we give you the tips, try to do this simple activity. This will greatly help you to know how wide your network of people who cares for you is. This is the best start in conquering low self-esteem.

How strong and wide is your safety net? Individuals with healthy self-esteem have a wide network of people whom they could turn to in times of stress and when they need support. This time, what you will do is to determine how wide your network of support is. 1. Take a clean sheet of paper. 2. Draw a circle in the middle and write your name on it. 3. Start writing down around the circle the names of as many family members, friends and acquaintances as you can. Draw solid lines between your name and the names of those you can most always count on and draw dotted lines for those you can sometimes count on. Now you can literally see how wide or how limited your social network is. Can you think of ways to strengthen these linkages with others? Is there room for making new friends and acquaintances to further strengthen and widen your net? Tips on overcoming low self-esteem and improving on socialization Tip No. 1 Maintain connection with friends and acquaintances. Start with what you have. Do not be afraid to approach or connect with them especially in times when you are really stressed out and you need someone out there whom you can trust and be able to say what you feel. Even from a limited number of friends or acquaintances, surely, one of them wont turn you down and would want to help you out even by just becoming your sounding board. Doubtful of this? Do it yourself - try to message, IM, e-mail or chat some friends of yours. It may even turn out that not only one is eager and willing to help you out! In reality, many see your value and it is only your low esteem which hinders you from seeing your own importance. Tip No. 2 Be nice, be friendly! Oh please, dont give that frowning face to anybody. Your goal is to build and maintain relationships; you cant do that by scowling on anyone who wants to approach you. Stop thinking youre unlikable. Believe me, thats not true. Nobody is perfect, everybody has their own flaws. So get out of your shell, meet people, make friends go get a life! Making new friends could greatly help you become more confident on yourself. Tip No. 3 Be prepared. In everything you do, most especially in interacting with others, it is always important to be prepared. Being unprepared is like fighting a war without any plan and strategy which is vital in winning. It would do your esteem good when you are prepared

for any new topic you can contribute during conversations. Really, it pays to know about the latest news. You wouldnt want them thinking youre not interesting, so do your part, read, listen and learn! Tip No. 4 Stop dwelling on the past. You may have made a mistake in a social situation in the past which lowered more your self-esteem and thus making you more uncomfortable during socialization for fear of repeating the same mistake again. You have to realize that its inevitable to commit mistakes. Dwelling on the past makes it even more difficult to move on. You just have to live with it, and learn from it. It would do yourself, your esteem and your social life a great thing to accept the mistake. Instead, use what youve learned from it to do better the next time. Live by the now and think of a pleasant future. Tip No. 5 Calm yourself and practice relaxation. Those with low self-esteem experiences physical manifestations of anxiousness during social situations. To avoid these, you must practice relaxation like meditation, yoga, muscle relaxation and deep breathing exercises. Before the social event, you must picture yourself in the said event as being calm and confident. By doing these often, you are like programming yourself to be confident on that specific situation. What are you waiting for? Try it now! It may not be for an upcoming social situation, but its better to be prepared for any emergency situation. Tip No. 6 Accepting yourself. By accepting yourself comes a full understanding of your value your wants, capabilities and talents. You should take time to give awareness and importance of all that you contribute to this world. Dont be hesitant to remind yourself of all of your accomplishments in life. Through self-acceptance, you will be able to feel good about yourself and be comfortable on your strengths and weaknesses. With these, you will be more confident in dealing and interacting with other people without any pretentions: just being you. Tip No. 7 Affirm yourself. Dont be ashamed to do positive self-talks. This will help you in conquering your low self-esteem. Affirm yourself of your qualities and abilities, affirm that you can do well in social situations; that you may make mistakes but it would be alright because the positive side of it is that you can learn from the experience. Remember that if you keep telling yourself about your mistakes, then youre low esteem will remain as it is. Stop criticizing yourself, isnt it less burdensome and it feels much better if you affirm and congratulate yourself for your achievements? Tip No. 8 Socialize with positive people. You do know how peers influence a person right? Choose your peers and avoid negative people for they may further damage your self-esteem. So go on, spend time and surround yourself with positive people, their confidence and optimism will help you overcome low esteem by influencing you to become confident like them.

Tip No. 9 Express yourself. Be open and communicate your feelings. Often, communication problems create misunderstandings in relationships resulting to an unhealthy social life. So do not be hesitant to tell others about your opinion, how you feel and what you want. Dont let your low esteem hinder you from expressing your feelings. Do realize that in order for relationships to grow, you need to be more open to other people. Share your dreams and aspirations with them, you may even find a common goal which will tighten your relationship more. Sharing and being open to others show a high level of personal commitment with them. Tip No. 10 Work on your weaknesses. Weaknesses and ones feeling incapacity feeds low selfesteem. Accept the fact that you have your weaknesses; anyway, its not only you because everybody has their own weakness. Instead of wasting your energy and time in dwelling of how incapable you are, why dont you use that time and energy to work and improve on your weaknesses? Besides, its not just weaknesses which you possess you possess strengths! Tip No. 11 Confront the source of your social apprehension. Can you identify the root cause of your social awkwardness? These sources may be from the factors causing low self-esteem which was mentioned earlier. Having low self-esteem can be truly destructive to your social life; it will affect your ability of socializing with others. So before its effects will spill out to the other facets of your life, confront it as soon as possible. In different situations, try to dig out the root cause for you to address each directly. It is by facing your fears directly will you be able to get over it. Tip No. 12 Challenging negative thoughts. Low self-esteemed women cant help think about unhelpful and negative thoughts which contribute more to their low esteem and to their social anxiousness. These thoughts are not really facts and arent based on anything. Women suffering from LSE just tend to over analyze on things making them think of these kinds of thoughts. So when negative thoughts start to invade your mind, question or challenge them because they are often based on wrong assumptions or on over analyzing things. Dont be too hard on yourself! Tip No. 13 Stop focusing on what you are not, instead, focus on what you are. LSE sufferers are usually insecure of themselves, always thinking of what others have that they dont have. Insecurity stops you to mingle with others because of your perceived inadequacy. Be true to yourself! Recognize the fact that every person is unique and different from many people. Each has their own strengths, talents, abilities and weaknesses. So if insecurity starts to invade your being, start focusing on your capabilities and achievements, and recognize yourself as a unique and special individual.

Tip No. 14 Stop avoiding social situations. A friend is inviting you for a party; you give the person an excuse for you not to attend. Your superior asks you to join a seminar and conference; again, you give your boss another excuse to avoid it. Another asks you to hang out with them and you cant just help not to make excuses just because you are afraid of these social activities. You cant avoid social situations forever! Avoidance may give you a temporary relief but it will not always be like these because sooner or later, you must have to attend to these kinds of events. Avoidance of social situations doesnt really help you, in fact, it only makes you become more uncomfortable and make it harder for you to cope up; the more it becomes more frightening to attend one. It will not do your social life any good because you arent able to meet other people. Your self-esteem will also be at its lowest because of the fact that you just dont have the courage and confidence to attend. Instead of avoiding, why dont you muster up the courage to seek for social activities instead? Tip No. 15 Dont be too concerned about what other people think of you. Low self-esteemed women worry very much of what others think about them. So when you learn that somebodys talking about you and what that person says isnt good, then you should start reminding yourself that you dont need to be too affected by what they say. Do remember that there really are people out there who are sarcastic, unkind and thrives on gossiping and badmouthing other people. Dont take to heart what others may say, be your own person and continue to do your best. Without being too concerned about what others may think about you, you will surely continue to propagate good relationships with other people. Tip No. 16 Improve yourself. Self-esteem is affected by physical appearance/body-image and by skills and abilities one possesses. As women are especially affected by body-image, you must do something to look your best, not really with fashion or make-up; instead, through improving on your posture, the way you walk and through proper attire. Help yourself by leading a healthy lifestyle. Respect yourself so that you may command respect from others. Enhance your knowledge, skills and abilities - these will greatly help in giving you confidence because you know that you are an individual capable of doing many things. Through improving yourself, you will have the confidence and belief in yourself that you are a likable and respectable individual worthy of others love and attention. Tip No. 17 Connect yourself with others. Women are more prone to having low self-esteem because they are especially affected by relationships. This would give us an idea that women needs to feel connected with others. So to work out on your self-esteem while improving on social skills, here are the following things you can do to stay connected: volunteer in any community or neighborhood activities like tree planting, street cleaning, charity works, etc.; get involved with any team/groups like clubs or newspaper or any groups in your school; spend more time with family and friends either through personal or virtual interactions.

Tip No. 18 Search for social activities of which you can join. Overcome low self-esteem by going out of your comfort zone and seek for yourself different social activities. Join seminars, conferences, clubs and organizations which would help you enhance your skills. Aside from that, you will be able to meet other people while sharing the same interests with them. Cant find any club or organization which caters to the issues which you care about? This is an excellent opportunity for you to start one! Tip No. 19 Seek activities which are important to you and do it together with friends. Do meaningful activities when hanging out together with them. Aside from the fun you will have, you will also become happier and confident when doing activities which has meaning for you - making the experience more enjoyable and satisfying. Tip No. 20 Learning about what consists a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships help in being emotionally and socially well. At the same time it encourages high self-esteem because good relationship with others makes one more confident about himself. Here are some characteristics which should be found in a healthy relationship: Trust trust is earned and it is the best foundation of a relationship Respect and honesty there must be respect between both parties in a relationship; being honest with each other would be a sign of respect Dependability be a person which others could depend on especially when others need your help Communication a very important ingredient in a good relationship, communication leads to better understanding with each other. It is important to talk and listen to what others may say to you. Communication is the best way for other people to know more about you. Mutuality a healthy relationship creates a win-win situation: being able to give and to receive from each other Flexibility Change is inevitable so expect that situations and people may change, and you must be flexible enough to adapt to these changes Empathy empathy is putting yourself in the other persons shoes. Through empathy, you will be able to understand them more of how they feel and the reason why they react like that. It may be hard to start these changes especially that the easy way out is to just leave things as they are. But then its effects would later on take its toll. Low self-esteem, as we said before, can be very destructive to your social life and relationship with other people, most especially to your loved ones. You wouldnt want that right?

You should also be aware that these tips are not an overnight cure to low self-esteem. The changes proposed should be a gradual process and not a fast-tracked one. Best of luck to you!