Mathematical Poetry

Beyond St.
Ives:
A Collection of Poem Problems
& Related Verses
John E. Hammett III, Ed.D.
As I Was Going to Saint Peter’s

© 2000 by John E. Hammett III, Ed.D.
As I walked down Kennedy Boulevard to Saint Peter’s,

I met a vendor wearing two pinstripe jerseys: Jeter’s.
She had four blue-and-orange earrings dangling from each ear,
And seven noisemakers in her mitts to raise a Bronx cheer,
And, on her head, three World Series souvenir baseball caps.
Stuffed in her pockets, there were fourteen city subway maps.
How many items in all was she selling?
And you can be sure that I am not telling!
An Eerie Ode to Odds

Such a ghoulish sight

This Halloween night.
Of twenty monsters rapping at my gate,
The number of glimmering ghosts is eight.
Wait, I hear some footfalls
Coming back up the street.
Oh, what will it want now?
A trick, not a treat!
Should I be scared? Or should I flee?
Ah, yes, I understand, as I bend down on one knee.
One monster dropped its snack sack under my tree.
What are the odds, kind soul, tell me,
That favor one ghost as what I'll see.
Revised 4/24/2009
2
A Partridge with a Brady
Song lyrics adapted from portions of two television sitcom theme songs.
Here’s a fantasy from TV’s history,

Where one of the boys grew up to marry one of the girls.
There were blonds, brunettes, even a redhead.
And yes, one or two had curls.
I’m talking Brady and Partridge Family,

But from which brood would come the groom, and which the bride?
Maybe Keith and Marcia, or Greg and Laurie?
Oh, how many ways could such wedded bliss be tried?
It’s Partridge-Brady, or Brady-Partridge.

That’s how they’d all become one great big bunch!
A whole lot of couples is what you’d be countin’.

Come on, count snappy!
Groovy HINT: Sitcom siblings, full or step, cannot marry!
Brady Bunch Theme Song,

by Sherwood Schwartz and Frank De Vol
C’mon Get Happy (The Partridge Family Theme Song),

by Wes Farrell and Danny Janssen
Gateway 2 Liberty
UNITED,
THE GATEWAY ARCH
AND STATUE OF LIBERTY WOULD
PROUDLY STAND 935 FEET TALL. DIVIDED,
THE ARCH IS TWENTY FEET
MORE THAN TWICE AS
TALL AS THE STATUE.
HOW TALL IS EACH
NATIONAL TREASURE?
Revised October 2000

3
Twice ‘Round the Fast Track
Rush hour at Indy’s fabled Brickyard

Happens twice a year,
When the fastest at the steering wheel
Really get in gear.
Towards Victory Lane

These drivers do dash,
All for a sip of milk
And a sack of cash?
In May, they motor five-hundred miles;

In August, one hundred less.
In May, they drive ‘round two-hundred times;
In August, what is your guess?
Salt Lake City Streets

© 2003 by John E. Hammett, III, Ed.D.
Like its famous neighboring saline Lake,

Pious pioneers made Salt Lake City Great.
From their Temple, Mormons guided every detail.

Even planning the streets, pragmatic heads did prevail.
Truth be told, tilling the soil was their way.

They wanted to keep trade flowing on Market Day.
Covered wagons pulled by a four-ox team

Could reverse – turn one-eighty – like a dream.
Just how wide, you might say, must these streets be?
Broader than Avenues in New York City?
If this Utah history question seems far too daunting,

Try products of two consecutive Numbers, Counting!
Saying Boo with a Halloween Haiku

Five out of seven

Teens will go trick-or-treating.
What’s the chance one won’t?
4
Meet Me at the Movies
Meet me at the movies, Tess, this Saturday afternoon.

Meet me at the movies; yes, I hear there's even a cartoon!
You bring your three kids; I'll bring my two.

And think of who else we should invite, would you?
I'll take my parents and my Aunt Flo,

Because I know they'll enjoy the show.
And then there's your husband, Wade.

He's got to see every movie ever made.
Let's not forget your Great Granny Pearl.

She hasn't been to the movies since you were a girl.
I just got off the phone with the multiplex,

And before you ask, they don't accept checks!
My two kids and four adults will cost two tens plus five ones.
And they'll want some popcorn and nachos; they're sure to eat tons!
Your three kids and three adults will cost you five fives less one.
I guess that is not too much to pay for some family fun.
Do you really think we have enough cash?

If not, to the ATM we'll have to dash.
Good thing these prices are reduced for a matinee.

Did you want to know the ticket prices anyway?
What are the matinee movie ticket prices for one child and for one adult?
A Mountaineer Math Moment

There once lived in a hollers a good ol’ Mountaineer,

Who washed down his supper with a bottle of root beer.
Each time he took his last foamy slurp,
He begged your pardon for his small burp.
How many six packs did he finish every year?
5
Millennium Millionaire
Have you heard of a man named Charles who had incredible luck?
He went on a television game show, and won every buck.
To answer all fifteen questions, he'd confess,
With one of four choices, he'd randomly guess.
Now he is famous worldwide, and known simply as Millionaire Chuck!
What is the chance of a perfect score when playing this game by randomly guessing?
Mouse Race
The smartest of Ben’s lab’ratory mice

Performs better when she runs a maze twice.
By the second race, she’s its master,
Running it ten percent faster.
If her second race time1 is eighty-one,
What’s her time for completing the first run?
Six-by-Four-of-Fourteen
Dedicated to my late grandmother, Jean, and

All the children to whom she taught math at
P.S. 14 in Jersey City, New Jersey.
At P.S. 14, the school day's begun,

And its sixth-graders total ninety-one.
In 6A, children number twenty-three.

Next door, there are twenty-five in 6B.
6C's across the hall with twenty-four.

The rest are in 6D, on the next floor.
So, kind reader, please end the mystery.

How many students are there in 6D?
1
Unit of time is seconds.
6
Revisiting Gilligan’s Isle (Survivor, Sixties Style)
Lyrics adapted from the television sitcom theme song.
TV’s early reality show:

A tale of a sitcom trip,
It started from some tropic port,
Aboard one tiny ship.
The mate was a clumsy sailor man,

The skipper brave, for sure.
Five passengers o’erpacked that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour?!
The weather started getting rough,

The tiny ship was tossed,
If not for the antics of the fearful crew,
The ratings would be lost, the ratings would be lost.
The ship set ground on the shore of an uncharted desert isle,

With the first mate, the captain too, really rich husband-and-wife,
A film diva, college prof., and the girl next door,
There on Silly-Man’s Isle.
Let’s update this tale of the castaways,

And vote ‘em off one at a time.
Just one will somehow pass this test,
Such an uphill climb.
The first mate, or the skipper? Who

Will make it past the rest?
How many ways can they disappear
From this tropic island nest?
No immunity, no second chance,

Just one single survivor.
Could Robinson Crusoe
Win big as a conniver?
What is the chance, the likelihood that

One passenger and one crew
Are penultimate survivors, and
Would be in the final two?
So join them there each week, my friends,

For tribal council’s trial,
With seven stranded castaways,
Survivor, Sixties Style!
The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island (Gilligan’s Island Theme Song),

by George Wyle and Sherwood Schwartz
7
Subway Series Saga 2000
October 21, 2000

Fresh roasted peanuts, your team’s baseball cap.
Spilled popcorn and mustard adorn your lap.
You gotta believe! The Mets in five!
The Subway Series dream is alive.
Aim to three-peat! The Yankees in six!
Big apple baseball fans get their kicks.
How YOU doin’?
October 31, 2000

Stale popcorn and ticket stubs scattered across the floor.
The Series is over. Now you know the final score.
Hey, it’s just a game, so let’s have some fun.
How many ways could the series have been won?
Revised April 2003
Subway Series Sequel?

True New York baseball fanatics did appreciate

A first subway series after two score plus four years.
Orange-blue fever and pinstripe pride did resonate
Through Jersey and Long Island hearts to The Bronx as cheers.
What chance had both teams of ruling divisional blocks,

(Which are the East, though there should be no need to explain)
Then battling in tandem against some October jocks,
To meet crosstown in a subway series once again?
Before any Yankee or Met donned a cap or glove,

Opening Days, 2001: All teams were equal.
What was the likelihood or probability of
A season-ending sublime subway series sequel?
Flower Flats Feat

Impatiens can blossom purple.

Begonias can bloom pink.
Six plants less than three flats totals ninety flowers.
How many plants are in each flat, do you think?
8
After-Lunch Wake-Up Walk
© 2003 John E. Hammett III, Ed.D.
Six quiet math teachers, digesting lunch,

Politely listening to my math poem talk.
To get their blood pumping, I’ve got a hunch:
They need to stretch, take a short walk.
What should they do, I wonder?

Will I perk them up in time?
I don’t want to make a blunder.
I hope my suggestion seems fine.
Here goes. This is what I’ll do.

I’ll have them form a queue.
Then change the order time after time.
And tell me how many ways they can form this line.
Angling for an Answer

Together,
With an angle
Half its size, the two
Are complimentary.
Together,
With an angle
Twice its size, the two
Are supplementary.
What is the
Angle measure?
Compass? Protractor?
They’re unnecessary.
Ducks Deluxe
Bubbles collects cute rubber ducks,

Which she buys at Bathworks Deluxe.
Today she bought seven;
Yesterday, eleven.
In all, she spent ninety-nine bucks.
What is the price of one rubber duck?

9
Home Alone in Bayonne
After grabbing a slice at his dad’s pizza place,

Anthony walks home with the sun in his face.
The parlor is at the corner of 43rd and Avenue C.
His front stoop is at the corner of 33rd and Avenue E.
How many direct walking paths through Bayonne
Can Anthony take as he walks home alone?
Lunch Circles
At Saint Theresa’s Nursery Nook,

Miss Nellie Gray is their beloved Cook.
Today her lunch is a special treat:
Chicken Nuggets and French Fries to eat!
She tenderly prepares each child’s dish,
So that all get only what they wish.
Thirty have either nuggets or fries,
Seven have neither nuggets nor fries,
While sixteen have both nuggets and fries,
And nine have only nuggets, no fries.
Perchance by now you have a fair hunch.
To how many tots did she serve lunch?
Mavis Alma Mertz's Rental Car Counter Encounter

“Let me make sure I understand your fee.

Just for renting that car, you'll charge twenty.
For every mile that I drive,
You'll then charge me point zero five.
Let's see .... All I've got right now is fifty.
How far down the road will that get me?”
10
Mean Max a la Mode

Max truly loves to collect:

Trinket here, token there, sometimes toy or tool.
And now it's time he reflect
On how many he has of each, as a rule:
Sixteen fuzzy dice,

Thirteen catnip mice,
Thirteen decoy ducks,
Fifteen tiny trucks,
Eleven welcome mats,
Ten plush toy vampire bats,
Twenty-one rubber snakes,
And five green garden rakes.
Though his choice of collectibles might seem different and strange,

What's the av'rage size using mean, median, mode, and midrange?
Older News
Rae is older than Jaye.

Jaye is older than Shea.
What else can you say?
Saying Boo with a Halloween Haiku, #2

Seven out of nine

Teens will go trick-or-treating.
What’s the chance one won’t?
11
The Six Cousin, Seven Dozen Eggs Hunt
Dedicated to my 2 children and their 4 first cousins
Four and eighty Easter2 eggs were hidden in the yard.

Finding them all again did not prove too hard.
Melissa and Jason each found the same amount.
Compared with each of them, Zachary had nine less to count.
Jessie ran quickly and nabbed every purple one.
She had four less eggs than Jason when she was done.
Lexie collected one less than twice what Melissa had.
With the last twenty eggs in her basket, Sarah was glad.
How many purple eggs were there?
Split Bill
When Chet returned home from the crosstown UltraMart,

He unpacked the groceries with his roommate, Bart.
6 cans, each at 54¢, diced carrots with sweet peas

2 jars, each at $1.79, seeded black raspberry jam
1 box, at $2.49, chocolate-glazed doughnut holes
2 jars, each at $2.69, chunky peanut butter spread
4 boxes, each at 89¢, elbow macaroni and cheese
1 package, at $2.29, sliced hickory-smoked ham
2 containers, each at $5.86, summer fruit medley bowls
2 loaves, each at $1.19, butter-topped whole-wheat bread
Bart got his wallet and asked Chet for the cost.
Said Chet, “Sorry, dude, but the receipt, it’s lost.”
“No worries. I’ll take a moment to tally the bill.”

Bart looked confused and a little annoyed. “Relax,
These food stuffs are exempt from state sales tax.”
Chet continued, “So have a seat, park it, just chill.”
What was Bart’s share of the grocery bill if they split the cost equally?
2
Substitute with colored as necessary for a non-sectarian context.
12
Poolside Station Rotation

Seven pairs of steadfast sunglasses scanning round,

Guarding all pool patrons as they bob up and down.
Breaking their silence to warn with a whistling sound
To assure that, on their watch, no swimmers will drown.
At the start of a shift, ten lifeguards are on hand.

Seven guards will each be sent to a numbered stand.
Oops! The pool manager forgot the station rotation.
How many ways could it happen? What’s the permutation?
An Ominous Ode to Odds

Such a frightful sight

This Halloween night.
Of sixteen monsters knocking on my door,
The number of glistening ghosts is four.
Wait, I hear footfalls
Coming back up the street.
Oh, what will it want now?
A trick, not a treat!
Should I be scared? Who might it be?
Ah, yes, I understand, as I bend down on one knee.
One monster dropped its snack sack under my tree.
What are the odds, dear friend, tell me,
Against one ghost as what I'll see.
13
Winter Wonders
The colors of winter, to me, are not

Snow white and evergreen.
Instead, they radiate
Cardinal red and jay blue.
Through frosted windowpanes,

I watch two pairs of cardinals
Sit on the fence behind my house,
Three blue jays join them.
As for the cardinals, I can tell

The female from the male.
She wears holly berry beak blush
And a poinsettia wing wrap
Over her sapling brown coat.
He wears a radiant red blazer,

Distractingly bold.
The blue jays all look alike,

Squadron members in dress blues,
With their bright colored uniforms,
Adorned by white striped chevrons.
I wonder how four cardinals and three jays

Can line up on my fence:
What’s the chance that the two
Crimson-cloaked males will sit next
To their less flamboyant mates?
Revised August 2003

14
High Stakes Handshakes
We number 18,000 strong;

To N.C.T.M., we belong.
From many points, we did migrate,

To The Strip in The Silver State.
So many new colleagues to meet;

So many math teachers to greet.
Just to prove we’re all very nice,

We’ll shake hands with everyone twice.
At one second per each handshake,

How long will all this really take?
What Next, Guacamole Sundaes?!

After her weekly errands trip,

Olive wants a quadruple dip:
Spinach Swirl
Turnip Twirl
Succotash Supreme
Pearled Onions and Creme
(The only flavors of which she dreams

Are vegetable-flavored ice creams!)
How many different scoop orders are possible when filling her carrot cone?
15
A Perfectly Parabolic Snowfall
© 2001 by John E. Hammett III, Ed. D.
Winter storm
Child’s delight
At the height
Blur of white
Snowflakes swarm
The rate at which the

Snow fell was not erratic.
Indeed, it was quite
Perfectly quadratic.
At four in the morn,
The snowstorm was born.
Four hours later,
The inch per hour rate
Climbed steadily to three.
Half a day later,
The inch per hour rate
Dropped steadily to three.
What rate was most high?
When did the storm die?
If you have sufficient compunction,
What was the original function?
And if you still have even more gumption,
Determine its derivative function.
The snowfall’s rate of change
First climbed, and then dropped.
What was the rate change
Two hours before the snow stopped?
Revised August 2003

16
Valentine Smarts
Helen and Venus manage Cupid's Confection,

Where every tasty tidbit is pure perfection!
Time sweeps by rapidly at this sweet little shop,

With so much to do: measure, mix, mold, frost, wash, mop.
This morning, Helen baked thirteen raspberry tarts;

This afternoon, she filled fifteen caramel hearts.
Although thirty dollars was her partner's best guess,

Helen's treats netted two dollars thirty cents less.
Yesterday's schedule was just as busy and just as complete.

Helen made one more than she did today of each kind of treat.
When Venus checked what those goods netted the store,

She found that those sweets brought in two dollars more.
How much would a customer pay,

If she walked in the shop one day
To purchase two caramel hearts
As well as three raspberry tarts
From the scrumptious selection
Found at Cupid's Confection?
Fact Family Tree

Three times seven equals twenty-one.

Now our calculations have begun.
Here’s a new rhyme that works with this fact family:
_____-_____ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____.
17
3
"You Want Chis with That?!"
At Saint Patrick's College.

An assistant dean did just complete
A survey about the types of fast food
Her students preferred to eat.
She thought,
Before she tallied the final score,
That each choice was equally likely.
She was sure!
She then sat down to calculate
Just what fast food her students said they ate.
To the dean, it was no surprise

How many preferred burgers and fries.
The next fact did not make her think twice:
Their favorite choice was pizza by the slice!
However, she did not reckon

That only 32 preferred fried chicken.
And she did not suppose
That only 36 preferred tacos.
A frown dawned on her face; she worried,

"Is my hypothesis in trouble?"
After all, when compared with the taco tally,
The pizza count was one more than double.
And the number who preferred burgers,
When checked against chicken,
Was five less than double.
Was there really any significant difference

In her students' fast food preference?
She took a deep breathe, and decided to reference
Her old textbook on statistical inference.
At the point zero two five level of significance,
And based on the existing evidence,
Did all four choices receive equal preference?
3
Rhymes with pies and fries. Said like kites.

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Beyond St.

John E. Hammett III, Ed.D.

As I Was Going to Saint Peter’s

As I walked down Kennedy Boulevard to Saint Peter’s,

An Eerie Ode to Odds

Such a ghoulish sight

Here’s a fantasy from TV’s history,

I’m talking Brady and Partridge Family,

It’s Partridge-Brady, or Brady-Partridge.

A whole lot of couples is what you’d be countin’.

Groovy HINT: Sitcom siblings, full or step, cannot marry!

Brady Bunch Theme Song,

C’mon Get Happy (The Partridge Family Theme Song),

Revised October 2000

Rush hour at Indy’s fabled Brickyard

Towards Victory Lane

In May, they motor five-hundred miles;

Salt Lake City Streets

Like its famous neighboring saline Lake,

From their Temple, Mormons guided every detail.

Truth be told, tilling the soil was their way.

Covered wagons pulled by a four-ox team

If this Utah history question seems far too daunting,

Saying Boo with a Halloween Haiku

Five out of seven

Meet me at the movies, Tess, this Saturday afternoon.

You bring your three kids; I'll bring my two.

I'll take my parents and my Aunt Flo,

And then there's your husband, Wade.

Let's not forget your Great Granny Pearl.

I just got off the phone with the multiplex,

Do you really think we have enough cash?

Good thing these prices are reduced for a matinee.

A Mountaineer Math Moment

There once lived in a hollers a good ol’ Mountaineer,

The smartest of Ben’s lab’ratory mice

Dedicated to my late grandmother, Jean, and

At P.S. 14, the school day's begun,

In 6A, children number twenty-three.

6C's across the hall with twenty-four.

So, kind reader, please end the mystery.

TV’s early reality show:

The mate was a clumsy sailor man,

The weather started getting rough,

The ship set ground on the shore of an uncharted desert isle,

Let’s update this tale of the castaways,

The first mate, or the skipper? Who

No immunity, no second chance,

What is the chance, the likelihood that

So join them there each week, my friends,

The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island (Gilligan’s Island Theme Song),

October 21, 2000

October 31, 2000

Revised April 2003

Subway Series Sequel?

True New York baseball fanatics did appreciate

What chance had both teams of ruling divisional blocks,

Before any Yankee or Met donned a cap or glove,

Flower Flats Feat

Impatiens can blossom purple.

Six quiet math teachers, digesting lunch,

What should they do, I wonder?

Here goes. This is what I’ll do.