Salahuddin Muhammad

Assisting the Process: Life Transition in the Context

of Spiritual Care and Counseling (AM 647)
Professor Daniel Fisher
5/20/2013











Transitions in Islamic Marriage




Introduction

In Islam marriage is something that God urges every human being to seek in their
lives. It is seen in the Quran as something that God created every human being to
partake in. God says in the Quran O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from
one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and
women.
1
God speaks in the verse that everyone has a mate that they are destined for. In
the Quran God also says that And all things We have created by pairs, that haply ye
may reflect.
2
For Muslims everything in creation has a mate. Nothing is complete
without a mate. For Muslim God is the only thing that is singular. So marriage in Islam is
necessary for the totality of an individual and for the reproduction of humanity. The
challenge comes in when the two entities are trying to become one. The goal of marriage

1
Ali, Abdullah Yusuf. The meaning of the Holy Quran. Beltsville, Md: Amana Publications, 1997. 4:1
2
51:49
in Islam is best to describe by this verse from the Quran And of His signs is that He
created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He
placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give
thought. The goal of Marriage in Islam is to find tranquility. In this paper I will focus on
what it takes to reach that tranquility that the Quran speaks of and some of the
challenges that married couples face on this journey to serenity.


Nikah (Marriage)

Marriage is a social institution through which a man and a woman are joined in a
social and legal dependence for the purpose of legitimize union. In Islam the word in
Arabic Nikah, it is translated to mean marriage. In the technical definition of Nikah it is
to tie, make a knot, contract, cement, and marry. In the Qurn, marriage is, first of all,
the favored institution for legitimate sexual intercourse between a man and woman
3

Marriage as mention early is a contract in Islam, that guarantees the immovability of
rights and obligations of the parties of the marriage. The contract between the two parties
aids in giving equity between the two and a sense of contentment. The contractual
agreement has to be either written or oral and observed by a witness. For the marriage to
be official the man has to give the woman a dowry. This contractual concept that is found

3
McAuliffe, Jane Dammen. Encyclopaedia of the Qurn. Leiden: Brill, 2001.,277
in Islamic marriages helps to sustain and protect the interest of both parties in Islamic
marriages. The Quran says Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because
Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them
from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in
(the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard.
4
The verse above promotes
a certain role that each of the mates in the Islamic marriage are supposed to adhere too.
This is where the disfunctionality of Islamic marriage begins. These roles that are
promoted have been formed by a patriarchal mindset. The English translation of this
verse was translated by a male. Which role does a women play in the Islamic marriage
have been the destruction of a lot of Islamic marriages. Muslim women who live in the
twentieth-first century have become educated and liberated in their thinking and have
translated the above verse to fit the a more equitable and moderated understanding.
Aminah Wadud gives a women perspective on this verse by saying The child-bearing
responsibility s of grave importance: human existence depends upon it. This
responsibility requires a great deal of physical strength, stamina, intelligence, and deep
personal commitment. Yet, while this responsibility is so obvious and important, what is
the responsibility of the male in this family and society at large? For simple balance and
justice in creation, and to avoid oppression, his responsibility must be equally significant
to the continuation of the human race. The Quran establishes his responsibility as
Protector and Maintainer: seeing to it that the woman is not burdened with additional
responsibilities which jeopardize that primary demanding responsibility that only she can
fufil. Ideally everything she needs to fulfill her primary responsibility comfortably
shouldbe supplied in society, by the male: this means physical protection as well as

4
Quran 4:34
material sustenance. Otherwise, it would be a serious oppression against the woman
5

This comprehensive understanding giving by Wadud makes the verse above have some
significances. Wadud mention that the verse above should be seen as idealistic. So the
roles that a Muslim man and woman have in their marriage have to be measured and
understood by the reality in which they live, that is dictated by their societal reality. A
good example is the American Society that is seen as capitalistic society where both men
and women are working in society to help sustain their livelihood. And in a lot case its
difficult to maintain without two incomes. So the role of the Muslim man and the Muslim
woman can be interchangeable in certain situation and cases in the context of capitalist
society. The ideal roles in an Islamic marriage is what the Quran mention in chapter 4
verse 34. This understanding of what is the reality and what is the ideal helps to establish
the tranquility and calmness in the marriage.



Polygamy in Islam

The legitimizing of polygamy in Islamic marriage is found in the Quran. In the
Quran it says And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then

5
Wadud, Amina. Quran and Woman: Rereading the Sacred Text from a Woman's Perspective. New York: Oxford
University Press, 1999.,73
marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that
you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is
more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].
6
This verse gives permission to the
Muslim man to marry up to four wives. Polygamy in Islam has been around since the
beginning of Islam. The Prophet Muhammad had many wives and so did some of his
companions. Islam came to reduce the number of wives to four and to bring justice and
rights to the woman who participate in polygamy. The Quran tells us that You will
never be able to maintain justice among your wives and love them all equally, no matter
how hard you try. Do not give total preference to one of them, leaving the other as if in
suspense. If you do bring about reconciliation and maintain piety, God is All-forgiving
and All-merciful.
7
This verse lets the Muslims husband know that he will not be able to
treat all the women equally. So the unfair treatment of women is one of the factors that
causes an unsuccessful Islamic marriage. The Prophet Muhammad recognized this
problem in his marriages and would pray to God and say O God! This is my distribution
according to my capability, thus do not hold me for what you own and I dont. So the
Prophet Muhammad knew that he would not have the capacity to treat all of his wives
equally. The reason that the Prophet Muhammad married more than one wife was
orchestrated to help bring about soliditary into the Muslim society. There was a lot tribal
tension in the Muslim society, so the Prophet would marry women from different tribes
to promote unity. Polygamy was also seen as a type of social service similar to the
American welfare system. Polygamy provided security and stability after battles that
generated orphans and widows as the verse above addresses. The Prophet and his

6
Ali, Abdullah Yusuf. The meaning of the Holy Quran. Beltsville, Md: Amana Publications, 1997. 4:3
7
Ibid., 4:129
companions would marry the widows and help provided for their orphans. Ziauddin
Sardar one of Europes leading Muslim intellects believed that chapter 4 verse 3 and
chapter 4 verse 129 are contradictional, he says the believers are asked to reflect on
their desire for multiple wives and the demands of justice and to resolve the contradiction
by reflection. The goal of the exercise is a transformation: to move a polygamous society
to a monogamous one. This is the Qurans way of banning polygamy. Instead of an
outright ban, the Quran seeks a gradual change, based on thought and reflection.
8
I
agree and disagree with Sardar comments on chapter 4 verse 129. I agree that those
Muslim men who are pursuing polygamy should evaluate their intention and ask
themselves is polygamy going to help the greater good of the society or ravage society. I
disagree that polygamy should be banned. I think that polygamy should be done in the
right context just as the Prophet Muhammad did. The Prophet Muhammad used
Polygamy as a vehicle to bring harmony to the Muslim society and as tool for Social
welfare for widows and orphans. I think this approach to polygamy will help bring
benefit and understanding to the objectionable perception of polygamy in Islam.

Talaq and Khul (Divorce)

In Islam a divorce is a means by which the Muslim purposely brings his or her
marriage to an end. When the harmony does not develop or fades away Islam allows and

8
Sardar, Ziauddin. Reading the Qur'an: The Contemporary Relevance of the Sacred Text of Islam. Oxford: Oxford
University Press, 2011.,306
advices married couples to bring the marriage to an end. Divorce is not sorted out from
the beginning of a rocky marriage. Islam provides the couple an opportunity to reconcile
their issues. The Quran says And if you fear dissension between the two, send an
arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire
reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them. Indeed, Allah is ever Knowing and
Acquainted [with all things].
9
Divorce in Islam is the last resort and it is also frowned
upon by God. The Prophet Muhammad said: Among lawful things, divorce is most
hated by Allah. Even after divorce is announced by the couple there is still a waiting
period before it is totally official. The Quran says O Prophet, when you [Muslims]
divorce women, divorce them for [the commencement of] their waiting period and keep
count of the waiting period, and fear Allah , your Lord. Do not turn them out of their
[husbands'] houses, nor should they [themselves] leave [during that period] unless they
are committing a clear immorality. And those are the limits [set by] Allah. And whoever
transgresses the limits of Allah has certainly wronged himself. You know not; perhaps
Allah will bring about after that a [different] mate.
10
The word talaq in Arabic indicates
a divorce that is done by the husband. Talaq is a declaration made by the husband
towards his wife. The divorce that is performed by the Muslim male in Islam, puts a lot
of toil on him. The responsibility and maintenance that the Muslim man has to adhere to
during the divorce causes them to think twice. Hallaq says The message the jurist
wished to urge upon men was that they should not resort to talaq unless there is a
compelling cause, and even when such a cause appears to exist, they should proceed with

9
Ali, Abdullah Yusuf. The meaning of the Holy Quran. Beltsville, Md: Amana Publications, 1997.,4:35
10
Quran 65:1
caution.
11
So talaq is process that helps the husband to resolve any issues, so that broken
marriage can be repaired. Then if the marriage cannot be fixed, then the best possible
solution is to dissolve the marriage. The Muslim women also have a right to suspend their
marriage. This term in Arabic is called khul. khul is the Muslim wifes claim to divorce.
Surprisingly khul is more widely used in Muslim marriages than talaq. Muslim women
can divorce their husbands for many reasons, Hallaq says If a woman dislikes her
husband due to his ugly appearance or as result of discord between the two, and she fears
failure to fulfill her [martial] duties toward him, she may rid herself of him for
consideration. But even though she may not dislike anything [about him], and they
amicably agree to separate [through khul] without reason, it is also permissible.
12
) The
right of the women to divorce in Islam has been suppressed by the patriarchal
interpretation of who has the rights of divorce. This male-controlled understanding of
divorce that was produced in an agrarian time has been replaced with a modern and
equitable realization that is clearly found in the Quran. Divorce in Islam is used as way
out of a marriage when all the contractual agreements have been neglected and the love
and mercy between the husband and wife are no longer present. Divorce in Islam also
safeguards the honor and integrity of the individuals during the process of divorce and
after. So that when they leave the marriage they have a sense of peacefulness.



11
Hallaq, Wael B. Sharia: Theory, Practice, Transformations. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press,
2009.,282
12
Ibid.,283-284

Conclusion

In Islam marriage is an institution that is seen as a vital part of society. Marriage is
seen in Islam as the cornerstone of society. Islamic marriage is the means and channel for
sex and the reproduction of humanity. In Islam marriage is the only appropriate way for a
man and woman to have an amatory relationship. Marriage, just as any created thing has
its birth pains. Marriage has its trials and tribulations that married couples have to go
through in order to birth love, mercy and tranquility. An Islamic marriage tries to help to
produce serenity in the marriage by recognizing marriage as a contractual agreement
between two individuals and covenant with God. Divorce in Islam should be seen as an
option that married Muslims have when tranquility is impossible to reach. An Islamic
marriage as any marriage has it obstacles that married couple have to face, but the goal is
to be peaceful and happy.



Bibliography

Amina Wadud,Quran and Woman: Rereading the Sacred Text from a Woman's
Perspective. New York: Oxford University Press, 1999
Jane Dammen McAuliffe, Encyclopaedia of the Qurn. Leiden: Brill, 2001
Wael B Hallaq,Sharia: Theory, Practice, Transformations. Cambridge, UK:
Cambridge University Press, 2009
Yusuf Abdullah Ali,The meaning of the Holy Qura n. Beltsville, Md: Amana
Publications, 1997
Ziauddin Sardar,Reading the Qur'an: The Contemporary Relevance of the
Sacred Text of Islam. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2011.,