Understanding the opposite sex- the male single

If you met Tonia, and raise the issue of relationship with her; what you will hear her say
is that all men are the same- they just cannot be trusted. She had gone through bitter
experiences in the intimate relationships she had been involved in, in the past. In her last
relationship, she could have sworn that John was different from every other man she had
dated in the past. He was such a darling; she could confide in him and enjoy the attention
that he showered on her. She loved him dearly.

However, things did not work out in the relationship as she had expected that it would.
He had told her early in the relationship that he has a child from his first love, but that
there was no string attached between them any more. In the cause of relating with her
intimately, he asked for her forgiveness. He said, he loved her but he cannot take the
relationship to the next level (marriage), because he was concerned about his son not
growing up without his dad around. According to him, his ex has being using the child to
blackmail him to come back to her; she had also gone to the extent of using his family
against him.

Today, he had gone back to her; Tonia still hurts badly when she remembers all the
unkept promises he made to her.

I feel that if a relationship will be successful, both parties should understand the way the
opposite sex behaves. It will be heart rendering, if a lady expects her fiancé to think, feel
and act like her. Here are some of the things you need to know about the opposite sex- the
male single…

Before marriage a man is an emotional giver- Married women find it strange that their
hubbies, who were great givers before marriage, seem to be a miser after they tied the
knot. Many married women become frustrated in their marriage because their hubbies
giving attitude has changed after marriage; they always have one thousand and one things
to do with the with the money they have at hand rather than give it to them to do what
they felt is necessary at home or for themselves. I have counseled women whose hubby
will not lift a hand in the upbringing of their children, yet they were wonderful men
before they got married.

It is essential that single ladies understand the opposite sex before going into relationship
with them. A man is an emotional giver before marriage, but a practical giver after
afterwards. The fact that a man takes you out, buys things for you, do not mean he
understands what love entails. That is the way he was designed.

Single women should therefore not give out their hearts to a man who is a great giver
except she has checked out the following parameter- the way he relates with people
around. Is he a great giver to others? If he is stingy to people around him, he will
ultimately treat you the same way.
Men behave like hunters- Men are designed to hunt for the kind of women that appeals
to them; if any lady appeals to his senses, he will seek for ways to woo her. If you want
to scare away any man, you go chasing him. He will run for his dare life.

One of the attributes of a hunter is, he only appreciates his kill for a time. He always,
goes hunting for a more daring kill after the last one. Here is were I need to give a strict
warning to single ladies, never allow any man go in between your legs until after he
has said ‘I do.’ A man will profess his undying love to a lady; like the emotional movies,
he will kneel to say how much she meant to him. He will cherish her as long as he has not
killed his prey (had sex with her); then he will demand for the means the lady should
show her love for him- that in most cases is for her to have sex with him. He will beg,
coax, and even try to manipulate her to getting what he wants. If a lady ever falls for this,
she had lost over 51% chance that he will get married to her.

I often ask single ladies, why should a man get married to you when he is getting all that
married men get from their wives. Men will often get married to women who have
proven themselves impossible to get in the area of sexual intercourse.

The songs of single men is, ‘I will do anything for you’- After relating with married
women for some time, I have come to a conclusion that one of the challenges that they
have with their hubbies is the unkept promises they (their hubby) made to them especially
before marriage. I know a woman who still hurts because her hubby made a promise of
enhancing her academically after marriage, which he did not keep.

Single men make lots of promises before marriage; I feel that men are good at doing that.
Women should therefore not fall for the sweet promise of heaven on earth marriage that a
man will paint to them; they should observe the consistent pattern of behavior of the man.
The reason is because, the song of men after marriage is, ‘I will not do anything for
you.’

If you are involved in any relationship, never take it to the next level based on promises
that he made. Marriage do not change people, it amplifies who they are. Never get
involve in a relationship with the expectation that you will change your man. Before
marriage he may reform, after marriage, he will return to who he really is.

Men are primarily logical- By design; a man should analyze his actions before he takes
step in the direction. He is not meant to be spontaneous in his actions, every of his move
is meant to be calculated. If you ever meet a man who acts out primarily out of
emotion, he will not make a good partner. Men, who are excessively jealous, loving
and explosive in their reaction to negative situations, show a person who is not in control.
It shows that something has gone wrong somewhere in his upbringing.

I counseled a male single once; his complain was that the ladies he had loved in the past
left him for other men despite the affections he showered on them. I responded by saying
that, he deserve what he got. I told him, he was designed to act as a man instead of been
sissy. No woman should stay with a man like that.
So you need to know how a man thinks; men do not go for women who they feel are
smarter than them. They want to retain the logic power (decision making power) in the
home; if a wise woman wants to relate with her man, she will get through to him by
making him feel that the wonderful thoughts/idea came from him. Once a man feels like
king (the one in control), he will do almost anything for his woman. That includes taking
the relationship to the next level- marriage.

Men are competitive by nature- A lady once said to me, ‘Every man wants to marry a
virgin, but wants to live with a prostitute.’ Women should understand the psychic of
the male man; he loves the feeling of been the number one in everything. Men are built to
be competitive and they adore been adored.

Single women should have observed by now that it is only men that ask ‘Are you a
virgin?’ I believe the reason is because of his competitive nature of wanting to be the
‘man’ in anything he is involved in. When you understand the man from this angle, care
is therefore need on how you deal with him. I counseled a lady who is single; the guy she
had been dating decided that it was time to move on. She was deeply hurt that the
relationship came to an end and as at when we spoke; she just put it behind her. From our
discussion, I discover that her friends are majorly male. So, I told her that I do not blame
the guy for leaving; when a man feels threaten, he either fights or just back out. My
advice to her is that she should get married to her best friend, who happens to be a male.

If the man you are interested in ask questions relating to your past in relation to the
opposite sex, answer the question discreetly. I do not encourage lying, I however, do not
encourage stupidity. If you have had sexual experiences in the past, please do not make
the mistake of been detailed about it to the man you in relationship with now. If you make
the mistake, he may soon be gone.

He is created to rule- The man is created to give leadership to his home; he is meant to
rule and take his family in the direction of his purpose. A man was given the job to rule;
one way he was design to rule is to make the discovery for the reason he was born and
make the choice of partner from that decision.

Women should be careful of defining success from the path of material well being. Most
men’s lives will come to an end if they loose their paid job; women should not make the
mistake of falling head over for man who is successful because of the job he is doing.
Success should be defined from the path of purpose than profession. Isaac Digi said, ‘If
you are a young lady, for instance, and you are asking me how to know a man I
want to marry, I will say, look, ask the man, what is your vision in life? This is
because where ever you are going or whatever your vision is is where you are taking
me. I may not want to go there.’ I believe that single women should obey the wisdom of
Isaac Digi.

One of the challenges that women have after marriage is that the man who will do
practically what they bid him to when they were single, suddenly becomes commander in
chief after they tied the knot. She suddenly discovers that he wants to take charge of her
life; he gives commands that he wants obeyed without question.

If a lady undermines the authority of the man she is dating, he will likely leave her for
another woman who is wise enough to say ‘yes sir.’ On the issue of purpose, I wrote in
my book, singles, your spouse is not in church the following, ‘Find out if the
man/woman you are interested in is a purpose driven person. Where a conflict exists with
yours, my advice is that you should think twice about the relationship that you are
in/about to enter into. You will never be fulfilled in your marriage if the two of you are
heading in the opposite direction.’

Men are potential heartbreakers- Until the guy that is interested in you says, ‘I do,’ he
can leave you. Every single lady should guard their hearts in any relationship they are in;
they are permitted to love, but should be careful.

I have come to discover that after the end of a relationship, women tend to hurt more than
their male counterpart. It can take months and even years before they get over
heartbreaks; I know a lady that it took over 10 years to get over the pain of heartbreak.
Women are known to attempt suicide when a relationship comes to an end.

Every woman should learn to have a life they enjoy than live around their man alone;
keep your family, friends and close associate despite the level of closeness that you have
with your man. Let your world rotate around your passion more than a man; develop
yourself and enjoy your own company.

Olufemi Fasanya
08037257479, 08083906495 (no flashing please)
www.relationship-singles.blogspot.com