Making Bipolar Work: Employment, career development and the lived experience of Bipolar Disorder II.

During my early adult life, there was a family focus on performing well academically, with the expectation that this would lead to a professional trade such as in business, management, as a doctor, or lawyer. Much to my parents dismay, I decided instead to audition for a place in a Bachelor of Music, majoring in voice and opera. Much to my dismay, I actually got in. I was around 18 months into my degree when I decided to confess to my parents that I had chosen a creative path and not one in business. T he pressure from them was immense, and I withdrew from the course and used my marks from year 12 to study genetics and biotechnology. Needless to say, less than a year into my first year I experienced my first manic episode. The pressure from university and the self-disappointment I experienced being unable to selfdetermine my own path, became all too much. My first episode involved both visual and audial hallucination. Obviously, this was immensely frightening and yet, I slipped under the radar, receiving a diagnosis of depression and not bipolar. This would have been a reflection of my comfort in over-reporting depression and underplaying mania (since mania wasnt part of the lexicon in health practice at the time). Regardless, I moved forward with my life, and recognised that commerce and communication studies would tick the box for my parents and also enable me to work with people rather than petri dishes. I ended up moving into the community sector working in drug and alcohol, mental health and health and well being in general. Throughout this time, I would swiftly work my way up into organisations, demonstrating innovative aptitude and a go-get-em approach. This all worked well, since my bipolar cycles are prominently manic in nature. As my diagnosis of depression changed to cyclothymia, then into bipolar my work pattern and career path became less stable. The only time I have ever lost a job was during a severe (and unmanaged) episode of depression. I was simply asked when I would be returning to work (after 3 weeks in bed), the organisation was aware of my bipolar, yet unable to really support me in a return to work effort. This was a mental health organisation, and perhaps (not only due to the mismanagement of the depressive episode) it was one of the least supportive organisations I have worked forironic really. Throughout my time working and walking the bipolar path, I have come to recognise that the work setting is the primary key in how I manage my mental illness and a workload. A friend of mine who I met through a consumer network, also has bipolar, and we were discussing our ideal jobs. Mine would be as a comedian, performing stand-up (with the condition that I would need to be slightly manic at all performances) and hers was (in spite of all her skills, expertise and qualifications) at a pizzeria (preferable out the back so she could minimise her engagement if needed). We both had a giggle, since we both work in senior roles within the community sector, and we are both hanging on by the seat of our pants. For individuals with bipolar disorder, our ideal jobs are as varied as we are, yet having an understanding of where we would like to be can shape where we go to from here. If I look at my friends examples, and mine I need a place to work that can accommodate my wry humour and a place that embraces creativity and innovation. My friend prefers a more subdued work environment with few distractions and few engagements. I thrive on interaction,

relationship building and winning people over, and here lies the complexity, but only when I am well or slightly elevated, which of course is not all of the time. Adjusting to my reality So while I like the face-to-face stuff, I see that there are conditions which need to be in place in order for me to thrive in the workplace. These would be; a) A supportive work environment, where I can disclose

b) A creative, forward thinking and innovative workplace c) A place where I can opt in and out of engagement according to my cycle (since medication far from ceases the cyclic nature of the illness) The likelihood of finding a workplace that ebbs and flows as I do is hard to find. Hence my reality means that I tend to work in areas with less engagement and interaction, so that I dont let anyone down if I am unable to perform at any given moment. Hence many of my career choices have landed me in administratively driven roles, with moderate engagement (rather than high level engagement). The Compromise Ive identified my own capabilities (while well, since my capabilities when approaching mania would truly blow your mind), and I have learnt to compromise my ambition, blending components of ambition with dashes of ability. Compromise can suggest that we are giving something up in return for getting something in exchange, as in a settlement or in conciliation. I purposefully reframe it, so that it suits my lived experience, since there is a spewing forth of cultural diatribe that tells us never compromise, be yourself, be true to yourself. Let me tell you now, when I am myself, things can get a little messy, anyone who has endured the consequences of manic episodes will usually tell you such. So I try not to buy into the newage bullshit. Compromising is essential in life, anyone who negotiates, meets an agreement, anyone who walks the middle path (as I do). So I have to compromise in the area of employment and career, it is the way forward for me at this time, so that I can pay the bills, support the children, and so forth. I want to be around people A LOT, but ONLY when MANIC, the rest of the time, just leave me to dwell in my head (preferably in a corner with an endless supply of hot chocolate) until the next tumble of mania comes to pass. As you can see, this wont work too well in the paid workforce. Instead, I must look for a role where I can pace myself, have a reasonable amount of interaction, not too much stress (one of my triggers), and where I can be mildly creative and feel appreciated for doing so. Planning my compromise Over the years of managing bipolar, I have learnt that (as with my fiction and other writing) a plan is essential in order for me to achieve career outcomes. Im naturally averse to planning, and indeed it is something I look at constantly developing. I remind myself (through my efforts in productivity) that when I plan I usually produce! While I still live in the moment in most regards, I have a better understanding of where I want to be in the next 4 years. I have noted my strengths are in communication (when well and supported) and in consumer advocacy. I have set about detailing some goals which will drive me further to that end. I have; a) undertaken consumer representative training

b) I have volunteered with a local mental health consumer organisation and they have begun to support me to undertake some mental health policy writing training and are supporting me in nomination, to take up a role on the mental health consumer panel with out local

government. Merging the compromise Now while I say I want to be a stand-up comedian, in all reality, I would probably bomb (yes, I have tried amateur nights). Actually I can say that I would definitely bomb. So, what Im looking at is my reality. I love writing. I love writing comedy. Writing comedy and not performing it is my compromise. The work I am doing in the community sector enables me to see health and mental health from a wide range of views. This is great, because I love to write. I love to write about mental health. The work I do as a volunteer gives me an insight into the politics of mental health at a local level. Which is great, because I love to writeyou get the picture. I have come to see that it isnt opera, it isnt performance or stand-up comedy and it isnt socialising and engagi ng (to the extreme) which I like. I like expression. Self-expression and the expression of others drives me from within. Having a voice, and being heard are central to my workplace and personal development and satisfaction. So where other people may plan their career paths based on I want to work for X as a/an Y, I have learnt that when I work in a supportive environment, one that encourages expression (even if that expression is huddling in a corner for the day), one where people listen and are heard, this is where I want to work and you know what? This could indeed be anywhere. What I have identified for myself is not a career path as such, it may or may not be traditional work, it may be in the community sector, in banking or as a barista, the key element in me staying employed and staying well is having a voice, being heard and appreciated and returning the favour to those around me.