Letting Go of the Past You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason

that they are heavy. So let them go, let go of them. I tie no weights to my ankles. - C. JoyBell C. In order to enjoy life in the present moment, and to effectively plan for the future, we must let go of the past. Letting go of the past means no longer dwelling on former mistakes; it means no longer blaming and criticizing ourselves for not having the knowledge that hindsight gives to us. It also means letting go of memories that haunt us in the present moment. Letting go of the past requires that we take responsibility for the role that we played in creating our past. Taking responsibility does not mean blaming ourselves (just as we cannot blame others). If we allow it to the past can ruin our current experience and prevent us from having the future that we deserve. We may find ourselves holding on to anger or harboring feelings of resentment, hurt, and betrayal. In order to let go of the past we must first recognize these emotions within ourselves, and acknowledge that they relate to past experiences and our memories of them. Most importantly, we must then decide that we are no longer going to allow past memories to sabotage our current experience. Each of us deserves to live a happy fulfilling life and in order for this to become our reality we must learn to let go of the things that keep us stuck. This does not mean we do not treasure the lessons from our past, or the good memories. These things can continue to have an important place in our future. Q1: Do you sometimes feel stuck in the past? How has the past prevented you from enjoying the present moment and planning for the future? The Past and our Identity Often times we think we are our past. This may lead us to look to our past to determine what decisions we should make in the present moment, how we should behave, and to even determine who we are as a person. For instance, we may look at past events to help us decide how we should respond in the present moment; we may even think people expect us to act a certain way and we then conform to this role. We may also feel unworthy or unloved as a result of past events, or believe that past successes and failures make up our identity. Those around us (our family, friends, peers, etc.) may also place labels on us; these labels are often a mixture of good and bad. We often carry these labels with us, believing that it is our identity. It is important to remember that our past is not who we are. Our past consists of a set of experiences and our memories of them. We dont need to look to the past in order to determine our behavior in the present; we dont need to base our worthiness on events of the past. Each of us deserves to feel valuable and whole and to decide who we are in this moment, as opposed to looking to the past to dictate who we are. Dont make the mistake of attaching who you are to what happened in your past. Q2: Have you ever allowed labels to determine your identity? How did this keep you stuck in the past and prevent you from moving forward? Letting go of Past Relationships

Relationships are the bases of our life experience. For this reason it can be very hard to let go of past relationships, both romantic relationships and friendships. It can be helpful to reflect on what your relationship taught you. Within every relationship there are many lessons to be learned. How we interact with others can reveal information about ourselves. The challenges we go through with others are opportunities to grow emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. Some of the lessons we learn can come at a cost, but we can still be thankful for the lesson and what it has taught us. When we come to understand that our past relationships served a purpose in our life, it becomes easier to let them go. Reason, Season, or Lifetime People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty; to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Author Unknown Q3: Do you find it difficult to let go of relationships that have ended? Do you believe that each relationship teaches you an important lesson? What do you think of the poem? Can you relate to the message it is sending?

Letting go of Past Traumas When we have had a traumatic experience in our past it can feel like we are reliving it in the present. Our body can even think that we are still in danger; this is what happens in Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Even if we do not suffer from PTSD traumatic past events can still haunt us and make it difficult to believe that we can find joy in the present moment. It is important that we do not suffer alone and that we seek the support and help we need in order to move forward in our life. Find a counselor who is trained to deal with past trauma. Make sure it is someone you trust and feel comfortable working with; this is an important part of the healing process. There are also Energy Psychology techniques that are recognized as being effective in dealing with trauma and helpful for those suffering from PTSD. A common one is the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) also known as tapping. This involves using your hands to literally tap on different acupuncture points on your body while thinking and talking about the traumatic event. This helps to move trapped energy throughout your body, shut down the fight-or-flight response, and send a calming signal to the body. A recent book on EFT by Nick Ortner called The Tapping solution: A Revolutionary System for Stress Free Living clearly explains this technique. Each of us deserves to live a joyful life and not be haunted by our past. Take the steps you require to feel happy and at peace in the future. Start by recognizing that it is a possibility and what you deserve. Try this affirmation by Louise Hay, I love myself, therefore I forgive and totally release the past and all past experiences and I am free

Forgiving~ An Important Part of Letting go of the Past In order to let go of the past we must learn to forgive those who have hurt us. If we do not forgive others for past hurts we end up feeling angry and revengeful, which ties us to negative past experiences preventing us from moving forward in joy and peace. These negative emotions also affect our health and relationships with others, and rarely affect the person who we are angry with. This is why we forgive for our own sake; we forgive to free ourselves from the

negative memories of our past. It is a gift we give to ourselves that allows us to more fully enjoy the present moment and to more fully connect with those around us. Forgiving others for their wrongdoings does not mean we remove responsibility from them, or justify what they have done. People who have done wrong toward us will have to live with the consequences of their actions. By forgiving them we set ourselves free and take back the control we deserve to have over our life. Forgiveness not only means forgiving other people, it also means learning to forgive ourselves. We must let go of past expectations, should haves, and what ifs. We must also forgive ourselves for past mistakes. Each of us is doing the best we can at any given moment in time. The important thing is that we are learning along the way. ~ Remember the many benefits of forgiveness~ Forgiving allows you to embrace a future filled with joy, gratitude, hope and peace Forgiving will help you let go of anger Forgiving will increase your emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing Forgiving will improve your relationships Forgiving will decrease feelings of hostility, anxiety, hurt, and anger Forgiving will allow you to take back your power

As Oprah says, forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different. Q4: Do you agree that forgiveness of self and others is necessary to fully let go of the past? Are you having trouble forgiving someone in your life?

~Tips to Help you Let Go of the Past, Enjoy the Present, and Embrace the Future ~ Try some form of meditation. Mediation helps to quiet our mind so we are not thinking about the past or worrying about the future. Meditation can take the form of going for a walk in nature, listening to relaxing music while laying down, sitting on the couch and focusing on your breathing, or listening to a guided mediation. Find what works for you. Understand that every event in our life serves an important purpose. You dont need to know what that purpose is, just trust that it exists. Find the lessons in your past experiences. Knowing that you can learn and grow from your past is an important part of feeling at peace with life. Reflect on your past without judgment; try to be an objective observer. Ask yourself, what can I learn from past behavior? What patterns seem to reoccur? This will help create awareness, with awareness we can create positive changes in our life.

Understand that your past is not who you are. Your past consists of a set of experiences, decisions, and perceptions, but is NOT you. It is important to make this distinction. Work on accepting your past. In doing so, be patient and understanding with yourself and others. We are all doing the best we can at any given time. As we continue to learn and grow we can make more beneficial decisions and create the future that we want. Share your story. Find a way to teach others the lessons you have learned. This may be through volunteering with a cause that is important to you, or passing the lessons on to your children, grandchildren, as well as friends. Acknowledge how the past has affected you. Once you acknowledge how the past is influencing the present you can begin to take control and make decisions based on your current knowledge and level of awareness. Notice the times when you are reflecting on the past. Ask yourself, how is this memory making me feel? If it is causing anxiety, anger, feelings of hurt or restricting you in any way, allow yourself to let it go. Remind yourself that you deserve to enjoy each moment of life and be free from the memories that keep you stuck in the past. Remember that you dont have to go through difficult times alone. If there is a certain experience that you are having trouble leaving in the past talk to a trusted friend about it or seek the help of a therapist. Having support is an important part of moving forward. Work through emotions related to past events; take the lesson from the experience and reflect on how this lesson will serve you in the future. Take the time to examine reoccurring thought patterns. Ask yourself if they serve a role in your life. Often times we repeat the same thoughts and experience the same emotions out of habit. When we take the time to examine our thoughts and emotions we will see that many of them do not have a place in our current experience or our future.

Everybodys got a past. The past does not equal the future unless you live there. Tony Robins

Holding on is believing that theres only a past; letting go is knowing theres a future. Daphne Rose Kingma

Kara Melendy, MA, Counseling Psychology