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Disclaimer

This book is designed to increase knowledge, awareness and

understanding of fertility issues. It is not intended to replace
the advice that your own doctor can give you. If you are
concerned by any of the issues raised in this book make sure
you consult your GP, who is there to help you.
Whilst every effort has been made to ensure the accuracy
of the information and material contained in this book, nevertheless it is possible that errors or omissions may occur in the
content. The author and publishers assume no responsibility
for and give no guarantees or warranties concerning the accuracy, completeness or up-to-date nature of the information
provided in this book.

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The Baby Wait

Lessons Learned While Trying to Become a Mum

Lyn Sharkey

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Melody Cool
Ive see a million bridges in my time and crossed every one of
them
With no trouble at all
Ive had trials and tribulations, heartaches and pains
Survived em all baby
Im still Melody
and Im still cool
Excerpt from Melody Cool by Prince and the New Power Generation,
Grafitti Bridge, Lead Vocals Mavis Staples (Paisley Park/Warner Bros, 1990)

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Contents

Preface ...................................................................................................... xiii

1 Preparing for Pregnancy .............................................................
Mr Right .............................................................................................
The Three-Month Plan ................................................................
Charting Methods .....................................................................
Visit a Nutritionist....................................................................
Vitamins, Minerals and Supplements ...............................
Tea, Coffee, Green Tea and Herbal Tea ..........................
Detox ..............................................................................................
Superfoods for Health and Fertility ....................................
Exercise..........................................................................................
Stress ...............................................................................................
Health Check ..............................................................................
Smoking .........................................................................................
Alcohol and Drugs ....................................................................
Diabetes and Gestational Diabetes ...................................
You Are Ready to Try ..................................................................

1
1
1
2
10
13
18
19
21
30
30
33
34
36
37
39

2 Six Months On and Im Not Pregnant Yet ........................

Feeling Stressed and Frustrated ................................................
Back to Your GP .............................................................................
Blood Tests and Scans .............................................................
Selecting Your Fertility Specialist ...........................................
NaPro Technology .....................................................................

41
41
42
42
43
45

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Diagnosis, Diagnosis, Diagnosis ................................................

Tests ....................................................................................................
Laparoscopy and Dye ..............................................................
Antral Follicle Count ...............................................................
Anti-Mullerian Hormone Testing ........................................
Chromosomal Testing .............................................................
Treatments .......................................................................................
Intrauterine Insemination ......................................................
In Vitro Fertilisation.................................................................
Complementary Therapies ........................................................
Acupuncture ................................................................................
Craniosacral Therapy .............................................................
Reflexology ...................................................................................
Maya Womb Massage .............................................................
The Internet ......................................................................................
Conclusion .........................................................................................

47
50
50
51
51
52
53
53
54
55
55
56
57
58
59
59

3 Fertility Challenges .......................................................................

Miscarriage.........................................................................................
Missed Miscarriage.........................................................................
Ectopic Pregnancy ..........................................................................
Cornual (Interstitial) Pregnancy .........................................
Molar Pregnancy .............................................................................
Fibroids ...............................................................................................
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome .......................................................
Endometriosis...................................................................................
Displaced Womb ............................................................................
Tubal Problems................................................................................
Asherman Syndrome ....................................................................
Over-Active Immune System ..................................................
Food Intolerances ...........................................................................
Yeast .....................................................................................................
Cushing Syndrome .........................................................................

63
63
63
64
64
64
65
66
67
69
71
71
72
74
75
75

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Chromosomal Problems ..............................................................

Male Infertility Issues ...................................................................
Sperm Health ..............................................................................
Retrograde Ejaculation ............................................................
Varicoceles ....................................................................................
Blocked Vas Deferens/Epididymal Obstruction ...........
Male Bacterial Infections .......................................................
Unexplained Infertility ................................................................
Conclusion .........................................................................................

75
77
77
78
78
78
79
80
81

4 Emotional Layer Cake ................................................................. 83

The Worst Three Weeks of My Life ..................................... 84
Damn Periods ................................................................................... 90
I Have Had a Miscarriage or Missed Miscarriage ............. 91
Why Has This Happened to Me
Dont I Deserve a Baby? ........................................................ 93
Everyone Around Me Is Getting Pregnant and
Its Hard to Deal With Am I a Bad Person? .............. 93
My Friends Baby Is Due When Mine Should
Have Been ................................................................................... 94
Where Has My Self-Confidence Gone? ............................... 96
Nobody Talks About It ............................................................... 97
Why Does Nobody Ask Us About What
We Are Going Through? ...................................................... 99
Who Can We Ask for Support? .............................................. 100
Other Peoples Expectations, Comments and
Insensitivities .............................................................................. 101
I Feel so Desperate ........................................................................ 103
My Relationships Are Changing .............................................. 104
If We Dont Have a Baby, Will My Husband Be
Sorry He Married Me? ........................................................... 106
How Do I Ensure that My Relationship
Doesnt Suffer?........................................................................... 107

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How Hard Are Fertility Drugs? ............................................... 108

How Long Do We Keep Trying?............................................. 110
Why Should We Keep Going? ................................................. 111
Am I Too Old? ................................................................................ 111
Money Is Holding Us Back ....................................................... 112
Can We Take a Break from Trying? ....................................... 114
Am I Wasting My Life with this Obsession? ..................... 115
What if We Never Have a Baby?............................................ 115
I Want to Give Up......................................................................... 116
We Have Been Told that I Cant Have a Baby and
I Cant Accept It ....................................................................... 117
Considering Adoption .................................................................. 119
Surrogacy ............................................................................................ 121
Pomegranate.ie (Financial Help for Couples
Who Need IVF) ....................................................................... 124
Lets Hear It for the Boys ............................................................ 125
Optimism and Positivity ............................................................. 126
5 How to Help a Friend with Fertility Issues........................
Do I Ask Her About Her Problems? .....................................
How Do I Help Her When She Has Had a
Miscarriage? ...............................................................................
How Do I Tell Her that I Am Pregnant? .............................
How Do I Help Her Deal with My Pregnancy? .............
How Do I Help Her Deal with the Birth of My Baby?...
What If I Put My Foot In It? ....................................................
How Do I Help My Friend through Long-Term
Fertility Challenges? ................................................................
Conclusion ..............................................................................................
Glossary ....................................................................................................
Recommended Reading ....................................................................
Useful Websites....................................................................................

127
128
129
131
132
133
134
135
137
139
145
147

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Preface

Hi, and thank you so much for picking up my little book. My

name is Lyn, and my lovely husband, Dessie, and I have been
trying to successfully carry a baby for nine years now. As I
dont actually have a baby in my arms yet, I am sure that you
are wondering what advice I can possibly offer. The thing is,
I absolutely believe that if I knew at the beginning all that I
know now we would have our baby already. A huge amount
of our time has been wasted flailing in uncertainty, due to
lack of diagnosis and lack of our own knowledge, so I feel
compelled to ensure that this wont happen to you and hopefully save some of your precious time. It is my hope that I can
pass on all that I have learned along the way and help you with
some practical advice and friendly support. Although I am not
a fertility expert, I am now an expert on my own fertility and
I would urge you to become your own expert too.
We are really optimistic at the moment and have finally
solved a lot of our problems (unfortunately it can happen that
you have a combination of problems). It is actually only by a
process of elimination that you discover what your issues are,
so it is important to know what you need to eliminate. Of
course, it would have been easier if I had gotten to this stage
in my thirties but maybe if I have learned something along the
way that will help someone else I can live with that. Everyone
says that as soon as your baby arrives you forget all of the pain

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that went beforehand. I dont really want to forget. I want to

try to do something to help relieve the stress and sometimes
unbearable grief that thousands of women and men live with
every day, unnoticed by the rest of the world. Even perfectly
fertile couples can take up to a year to conceive and this can
be confusing and stressful. I also hope that if more people
comprehend what we go through then this subject wont be
such a taboo in future.
When Dessie and I first decided that we were ready to
start our family, I was totally naive and it did not even cross
my mind that I wouldnt fall pregnant as soon as we wanted
to. I have always been maternal and can actually remember
the first time I felt that I seriously needed to have a baby. I
was carrying a large bag of potatoes on my hip and realised
that actually there was something else that belonged there.
That might sound silly but its absolutely true! Anyway, we
didnt come home with the expected honeymoon baby and,
after a few months, it began to slowly dawn on me that it
wouldnt be as easy as I had thought. It was definitely a slow
dawning because I just couldnt believe (and didnt really want
to accept) that this was happening to us. We have since been
through the mill in our quest to bring a little mini-me or miniDessie into the world. With hindsight, I can see that we knew
so little about fertility in general and that so much time could
have been saved if we had been better prepared and informed.
When you think about it, we are taught biology at school
but not much about fertility. It doesnt occur to us that we
need to know anything (apart from the obvious how to )
because it will surely happen naturally once we are ready,
as it does for millions of women all over the world every
day. However, there are some simple things that we can do
before we even start trying to conceive which will improve
our general health and help us to better manage our stressful
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Preface

lifestyles, which arguably are contributing to increasing infertility statistics. Experts are forecasting that one in four couples
will face challenges in conceiving within the next ten years.
Wouldnt it be great if we could change that? I hope that you
find the advice in Chapter 1 useful. You will already recognise
some of the tips and some will be new, but I hope that my
laymans explanations, combined with my own experience of
how they helped me in the end, will encourage you to understand why they are necessary for everyone to consider. Our
diets could be improved and our stress levels reduced, and
this can only help to ensure healthier babies. I can assure you
from my own experience that while they wont solve every
fertility problem there is they will solve some of them and
they will definitely save you invaluable time in the long run.
I know that once you are prepared, most of you will
conceive quickly. However, it can sometimes take longer than
you would wish. Trying to conceive and all of the emotions
that are involved can be a frustrating experience at times, so
I have also attempted to remember all of those questions I
asked myself and all of those feelings I had along the way, so
that readers who are feeling upset or stressed by the process
can have this little book to dip into to get some answers and
support. You are not losing your mind and you are not the
only one who has gone through this endurance test.
It would be an absolute bonus if this book also helped to
inform family, friends, doctors, nurses and therapists in some
way about what their loved one or patient is going through.
Being treated successfully by a doctor or therapist must be a
two-way relationship. Speaking from a patients point of view,
it is easier to trust someone when they meet us halfway with
some degree of understanding. For doctors and therapists, it is
important that their patients are open and honest with them
so they can treat them properly.
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Infertility is a subject which is not really discussed comfortably for some reason. However, there is no reason why this
should be the case, especially as fertility is such a huge and
natural part of everyones life. This reluctance only makes
those of us suffering through infertility feel as though people
think it is something to be ashamed of. We can make a change,
however, by speaking openly on the topic and reducing these
unnecessary stresses will certainly benefit us.
I sincerely hope that most of you wont need to read past
Chapter 1 for yourselves, although reading the entire book will
help you to understand what other women are living with.
I wish each of you lots and lots of love and joy in your life.
Whatever happens along the way, dont forget to laugh every
day (or as often as you can) and surround yourself with good
people. Remember always that life is a gift and that means
yours, and not just the little dote you are dreaming of holding
in your arms.
Luv Lyn xxx

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Click here to order eBook version
Click here to order Kindle version

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