Hopefully a New Start in My Marriage

(by Bill Stevenson)

After a very difficult 3-months in which I was loosing hope in being able to stay in Germany,
Dolo made a very surprise announcement to me on January 2, 2009: She said that she has
decided to stop going to the church she was attending and go where I attend. At first, I couldn't
believe what I heard. I immediately responded by saying that she did not have to do that. (I had
never thought of telling her to stop going there.) She said that because she had no peace in her
life, recently she has been praying a lot to God and asking advice from others. The last advisor,
she knew very little about. Dolo had made her decision on December 31st and was not going to
tell me until she came home from church on Saturday. I am glad she told me today. After she
made the announcement about the change, I told her that she should say to our friends there that I
didn't force the change and during the "Living Church" part of the service might make a brief
statement about why she would not be attending there anymore. She agreed. In our discussion
about how she came to the conclusion, I told her that she could tell them that we plan to have
mostly spiritual weekends from now on, but would keep praying for them too. Also during the
discussion, she indicated that she finally learned some lessons about true Christianity and she
even said she was sorry for slandering against me. (She actually didn't want to go to church
tomorrow because she doesn't think anyone there will understand why she has made this decision
to be with me.) About 11:30 AM, the Holy Spirit had me go to her and hold her and to say a
prayer about having a new start in our marriage from this day forward. Rare tears for hope and
joy came to both of us. We need to live each day as if it might be the last day we have together
and to trust God more and more. She also realized that if God wants her to be rebaptized, it
could be done elsewhere. She will tell the Sabbath lunch group that they are welcome in our
home anytime, maybe even for a home Bible study group. Later she read a very good letter from
one of her roommates at a past Christian retreat she went to in the Fall of 2005. It was by a
woman who has been married for 30 years and had good advice (ex: focus on trusting God and
finding ways to be used for ministering to others and that she is only responsible for herself not
me). I suggested that she share Romans 8:28 in her statement tomorrow morning. I am so
thankful that I won't have to go alone to church anymore. Before in my life in my non-single
years, I have never gone alone. She even wants to go the Wednesday night HIBC Bible study
meetings. She had told those who advised her that she still loved me and wanted to do what she
could to save our marriage. She is now willing to seek what the Bible stays about friendship,
love, and marriage.
BTW, the Holy Spirit did not have me share the first draft of this testimony with anyone. I
almost did. The Holy Spirit had made me eat lunch and tired enough to take a nap and then do
my downloading and sorting of good news articles and commentaries before sundown.
Meanwhile Dolo had gone shopping. Early in Friday evening, I had to do some major changes
of sentence order and add some more statements. Living Proverbs 3:5-6 results usually in
unexpected happenings and Romans 8:28 blessings. And before we went to sleep, the Holy
Spirit guided us into saying two wonderful prayers. I was surprised mine was so lengthy, but it
was a nice conversation with God and Dolo said several "Amen"s. Her prayer was by far the
most wonderful one I have heard from her. She even said several confessions and statements for
repentance. In Sabbath morning, she seemed to have wonderful peace and told me that she had
full peace that the Holy Spirit would tell her just what to say to the church and to individuals
afterward. She will give 10 copies of the below to individuals who understand English. The
Holy Spirit guided me in compiling it and she liked it. Please continue saying a prayer for us
each day.

Dolo gave the following page to some of her friends:

This is my hope which began yesterday after my husband and I discussed about my December 31st
decision:
Romans 8:28-- “We are assured {and} know that all things [eventually] work together {and} for good to
{and} for those who love God and are called according to [His] design {and} purpose.”
The following is one of the anagrams that the Holy Spirit helped my husband to create;
R -- respect for one another and receiving of them
E -- emotions (listening to) and exhorting in a caring/teaching way
S -- Scripture sharing: what does the Bible say about the situation needing restoration?
T -- teaching from a Holy Spirit-led pastor, Biblical counselor, or an appropriate Scripture-filled book
O -- obedience to God's Word and the Holy Spirit encouragement
R -- repentance encouragement: proper changes of thinking and behavior habits
A -- appreciation and adoration (not flattery)
T -- trusting again help
I -- intertwine souls encouragement
O -- outreach encouragement: sharing good news and lessons with others
N -- notify relatives encouragement about the new ways of thinking and behavior

My husband found this in his computer collection:

"The very best of marriages
Are made by best of friends,
Who face together, hand in hand,
The good and bad life sends.
They aren’t afraid to share
The deepest feelings of the heart,
And respect each other's needs
To spend some time apart.
They support each other faithfully
When troubles come their way,
They don't blame in haste or anger,
But who love in what they say.
They make marriage like true friendship
Full of deeds that show they care,
And they find a world of happiness
In all the love they share".
—Amanda Bradley

My husband wrote this many years ago and has desired to live such. Now I do too. And we will begin a
Thanks Box for putting in notes of thankfulness throughout the year to be read next December 31st.
Ideal goals for every spouse that you should be able to say of God the Father too:
B -- I believe in you. I will boast about you because I appreciate you.
E -- We can endure anything together. I always enjoy being with you.
S -- I will stand-up and stand-by you whenever necessary. You completely satisfy me.
T -- I will tolerate your unusual or strange habits. I am thankful for all of you.
F -- I am so happy because you have let me become completely familiar with you. You are fantastic.
R -- I rejoice for every smile and touch from you. We can have daily revival.
I -- You are plenty intelligent enough for me. I greatly enjoy all types of intimacy with you.
E -- You give me so much excitement and hope. Special energy comes from you and goes into me.
N -- No one but you is the best for me. Nothing can stop my love for you.
D -- You are the dearest being in the world. You are the best divine blessing for me every day.

January 2nd
Before that December 31st decision, she had read Harold Smith's "Hearing His
Voice" (hethathasanear.com/). This morning she told me that she doesn't know
where she got the P. B. Wilson book "Liberated Through Submission-- God's
Design for Freedom in All Relationships", but now she will read it. She does
understand now that Ephesians 5 says that both the husband and wife need to be
submissive to each other and to God the Father, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit,
and she understands that slander and rudeness show lack of proper respect.

I am still sort of surprised. For months, we had been communicating almost to

the minimum. She was having no peace since September 29th and she finally
pleaded to God for help. The Holy Spirit did the needed urgings to Dolo and the
friends she consulted. Even her report about what she said to people today was
wonderful. She was not able to make a statement to the church because the
elders decided not to have the Living Church part, but she will have a statement
read next week. She is looking forward to tomorrow's service because she can go
to HIBC in a whole different way than she did in the Fall of 2003. Back then we
were not officially married and she still was dealing with her past charismatic
and marriage experiences. Even our neighbor who is Catholic-on-paper, started
to read Genesis and wants to continue studying the Bible and she wants to go
with us to HIBC tomorrow. But please keep praying.

Saturday night, Dolo apparently had a good witnessing time with our neighbor.
Dolo has divine peace and divine joy again! I believe that the change in Dolo
influenced Uta to want Dolo to share spiritually for a few hours! Uta told her
that after seeing her mother die of a heart attack in their home, she blamed God
for killing her parents (her Dad 10 years before). They were both heavy smokers.
So Dolo was able to tell her the truth about God and His desires for each of us.

To God be the glory!!

January 3rd

BTW, my wife and I will continue keeping the Biblical New Testament (not
according to books of Moses rules) Sabbath, either with the help of 3ABN and
Hope Channels, Christian worship music, Bible study (individual and
discussion), prayer together, and occasionally at one of the other SDA churches
where I am not banned. We even decided not to finish translating my response to
the church elders' letter of December 13th. We are saddened that they would
make a judgment of that nature without letting me speak for myself and seeing
the other evidence about my concerns. It was a misunderstanding of just one
word I used in an e-mail many weeks after the original conflict happened in my
home. We hope that nothing similar will happen again and reconciliation might
still occur. Romans 8:28 blessings are still possible. And I have never kept a 24
hour Sunday Sabbath when attending Sunday morning churches: Since July
1999, I looked at sports news both on Saturday night and Sunday morning. And
I have done other secular things during the just mentioned times. I am only
going to HIBC to learn more Bible. I have not heard Pastor Bob teach against
SDA doctrines. See for your self at
hannoveribc.com/templates/System/details.asp?id=25727&PID=113720
hannoveribc.com/templates/System/details.asp?id=25727&PID=499526 . He
might be against the 4-5 distinctive doctrines.

On the first page of the sermon notes vertically on the right is "A Passion to
Know Him and Make Him Known!" On top of the first page of each weekly
program is "The REAL Jesus, The REAL Gospel, the TRUTH". At the bottom
is Luke 9:23 (about denying oneself and following Jesus) and Acts 18:9-10
(exhortation to speak about the Gospel) printed out. And didn't the original
Christian church meet every day, at least in homes? And Apostle Paul and Jesus
Christ did not just teach on the Sabbath. And the early Christian didn’t just
learn spiritual things during the Sabbath time. And we should be God’s
ambassadors every day of the week.

January 4th

Dolo said some more wonderful confessions this morning too. And to see the
peace and joy in her face most of the time. And we had no arguments!

Now she could be rebaptized properly because of her new commitment to

Christianity. She is looking forward to Pastor Bob’s 6 half-hour sessions with a
small group of inquirers. (Her former pastor had met at least 40 times for that
purpose and to give her more understanding of SDA doctrines and my patience
ended after the last meeting in my home the last Friday in September. He had no
respect for me, would not exhort or rebuke obvious sins, and wanted to force me
to leave Dolo, even though I had said and done a lot of good, including defending
him many times, during the year and a half I attended. I even spent about 4
weeks preparing for Sabbath school and did a lot of intercessory prayer,
especially for the church leadership,.)

Sunday evening manifested into evidence of our caring God in His providence.
Pastor Bob had intended to finish going through Hebrews even months ago, but
the Holy Spirit had different plans. See the attached file of the sermon notes for
last night. It was perfect timing for Dolo and me, and afterward the pastor and
his wife accepted our testimony for a new start. In January 2004, Pastor Bob
had tried to stop us from getting married because he thought that remarriage is
an unforgivable sin and was surprised I had done so after my claimed born again
date of May 25, 1967. He told Dolo that I was not saved and that she would find
all her fellowship needs with the other women of church (most of whom had
marriage problems or were single). But now he and his wife and others welcome
us. We also had other good conversations with several other individuals. One
African was so excited about the testimony and my sermonette about Romans
14:17 and another one even shared with me his heartbreaking experience by a
woman after they had even an engagement party at the church they were going
to got involved with an atheist and changed her good habits. The important fact
about last night was that both Dolo and I were full of divine peace and divine joy.
We again said wonderful prayers before going to sleep.

When I told Pastor Bob briefly my response to his sermon last night and
announced that a miracle happened in our marriage, tears of joy almost came to
my eyes. He almost looked like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was
a 20-year Army paratrooper with his last assignment in the Desert Storm in
which he was supposed to die, but none of his troop did and he had full
retirement (he was trying to quit in order to become a pastor just before). The
latter pay allowed him get trained in a seminary and pastor 3 groups who
together could not pay a full salary. I told him that now I understand why he
was hard on Dolo and me in 2004. He just was not tactful and did not properly
discern me because of his Baptist prejudices. One of the men I talked to last
night knew him in the beginning of his 10-year ministry and said he has greatly
improved. And his relating to his wife has greatly improved since early 2004.
They have been married 29 years. She was an army paratrooper. They have one
daughter who lives in Australia with her husband.

God wants to show resurrection power in so many lives of His children and we
need to tell that as often as we can and share testimonies of such. What
happened to Dolo and me also showed how He is against religion and selfishness.
I hope that our former pastor will realize that before it is too late for him. And
slander and gossip are so destructive and can't be undone. It is sort of like a false
headline or front page article in a newspaper. When a retraction is forced, where
is that announcement usually put and what size of print? But Dolo has made it
perfectly clear that she so wrong in speaking against me to so many people and
even considering having me sent back to the USA. But she still has a lot to learn
about being best friends and being a 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, Ephesians 5 wife.
Pastor Bob emphasized that each spouse is only responsible for themselves in
becoming a true Christian spouse; so he told us 3 times, once before the sermon
and twice during the sermon, for the married husbands and wives in the small
congregation to not listen to statements made to their spouse.

Now I have to find a box for the Thanks Box that I indicated earlier.

January 5, 2009

And this morning, without arguing, we were able to discuss the loose ends about
her former pastor, the church elders (who apparently were delaying Dolo's
baptism until after she got rid of me), the pastor's boss, and some of our friends
in that church. Dolo wrote to the former pastor and confessed to him that her
slander against me was very bad. She showed me the e-mail that was only to the
pastor that I should have written differently, but she agreed that he really only
has himself to blame for my getting so angry about him refusing to stop the
meetings with her. And he never sent me a copy of that e-mail and the other ones
that made him mad. He apparently just showed them to the 3 church elders and
his boss. He could have reconciled with me back on September 30th. But I know
that there are many who have been victims of prideful, arrogant, self-righteous
pastors. I will keep praying for him because I don't want there to be more
victims. BTW, Dolo is doing her first 2 hours at work today and I reminded her
about Philippians 4:13.
January 6, 2009

I just found out today that the pastor told Dolo that she had to keep meeting with
him until she was baptized. And they kept delaying that to happen. So it is clear
now that they were happening that the continued meetings would get me so
angry that I would leave the USA or do something that they could get me
arrested for. He was also planning to have her meet in his house after the
baptism to make sure that she kept going in the right direction. Why does his
wife tolerate such? And each meeting in our home usually lasted about an hour
and a half. And after about 40 meetings, I am finding out that she still lacks a lot
of understanding in SDA doctrine.

Today she will write a statement to be read in the church next Sabbath by one of
our friends. She still talks as if she might go back to that church in the future.
She claimed that she has so far told others that it was her decision and that I was
shocked by it, but because of what she has told them about how bad I am about
this issue, some will probably still think she is just doing this out of desperation.
Our words can either bring life or encouragement, or they can cause mental
death or discouragement. Christians should only be doing the former.

January 7, 2009

Yesterday, we saw the man that makes my special shoes. We have not seen him
for 2 years. In 2007, he had to have brain surgery to get a non-cancerous golf
ball size tumor removed. He had to rehab for 6 months. He has a better view of
life and Christianity now!! We told him about our marriage revival and about
what the doctors concluded about my left leg and ankle—results of minor
cerebral palsy from my birth. Then Dolo and I had a nice lunch at a Subway
restaurant. Afterwards we took my printer to a downtown store. On the way
back to our car, I slipped and fell backwards on ice but did not drop the printer
and only had a minor bruise (no cut) on my right elbow. Several individuals
helped me get back up. To follow Dolo, I had rejected the Holy Spirit’s advice
about going a little out of the way to a narrow path. But in our evening prayer,
Dolo thanked God for helping her to slip on the ice because she had been praying
to Him for safety everywhere she had to walk on ice yesterday. She definitely
loves and trusts God much much much much more. Later we went food
shopping and she was tired of carrying her purse and so she hanged it in the
back of the shopping cart. She forgot to put it in the car’s back seat as she
normally does and we left it hanging on the cart we used. She didn’t realize that
until we got home and were getting the things we bought. She drove back to the
store, saw no purse on a shopping cart, went to a store clerk who smiled when
she asked about her purse. She just had to answer two ID questions and looked
into her purse seeing no money or financial cards were taken!! We celebrated by
eating the pastries that we had bought at 50% of the regular price. Also Dolo
liked the statement that I wrote (during my tram trip to the shoe place) and she
last night before we went to bed she translated it in German to give to one of her
friends today to read next Sabbath morning to the church she left.

January 8th-9th included good discussion, a good beginning for the Sabbath, and
good before sleep prayers. During January 10th, we had a wonderful Sabbath.
The highlight was listening to Pastor Bob’s December sermon titled “WATCH
OUT!” based on Hebrews 12:15-17, mostly about bitterness and about Esau. We
had a wonderful discussion afterwards and Dolo apologized more for her
slandering against me because of her bitterness after I left the former church.
Afterwards, we listened to nice mild Christian music, did some individual Bible
study, and took a short nap. We went to a nice restaurant that night to celebrate
our new marriage start.

Thank you again for your prayers. This big change in my life has encouraged at
least 20 individuals already. It gives them hope for Romans 8:28 blessings in
their lives.

Onward for God,

Bill

Responses in Multiply:

4 CommentsChronological Reverse Threaded

delete reply
foxrundesign wrote on Jan 8
WOW ! PRAISE GOD ! THIS IS WONDERFUL NEWS AND AN ANSWER TO
PRAYER. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THESE NOTE WITH US. GOD BLESS
YOU BOTH . LOVE AND HUGS
delete reply
gretassister wrote on Jan 8
I am glad to hear this news. you and Dolo continue to be in my prayers. Have a
blessed New Year!
 delete reply
4lani wrote on Jan 8
What a blessing.....what a great God we serve......I will hold you up in
prayer....thanks for sharing this news.....

edit delete reply

bibleloverbill wrote on Jan 12, edited on Jan 12
I added some more to the testimony. And my wife is thrilled with the e-mail responses
she has received in response to her testimony. It is so wonderful to see her joyful. And
we are sincerely hugging and kissing each other again after years of not. I had felt so
rejected, abused, and misused by her as far back as October 2004 and almost didn't
return to Germany on January 7, 2005 in our return trip from California. To God be the
glory for keeping me praying for her and patient. We will be able to help other couples
go for God's best for marriage.