A Men’s Guide to Leaving

Unhealthy Relationships

Michael Freeman, M.A.

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A Way Out: A Men’s Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships

Author’s note:

The content within this ebook is not intended as legal, medical, or

mental health advice, and makes no claim as such. The information
is offered as-is, without warranty, and the reader assumes all risks
from using the information herein. The author disclaims any and all
liability from the information provided—including health, medical,
psychological or any other information. You should always consult
your own health care provider or mental health professional
concerning any health or psychological problem or disorder, and
your legal representative regarding all legal issues.

Although the author has a Master’s degree in the Social Sciences and
considers himself knowledgeable in the realm of psychology and
relationships, he is not acting as a psychology or health professional, and
cannot be held responsible for any actions you take or the results of the
content that follows.

Copyright 2009 — Unauthorized reproduction strictly prohibited.

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A Way Out: A Men’s Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships

Table of Contents

A WAY OUT……………………...……….…………………….………….4
WHAT’S GOING ON.…………..…………....……………………………….5
CRAZY-MAKING.………..………………………………………..…...……..6
FIGHT OR FLIGHT.………..………………………………………..….….…7
WHEN A RELATIONSHIP BECOMES A PRISON……….….…………..7
POWER BALANCE.…….……………………………………………..………8

IDENTIFYING AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP...….…..9

THE ILLUSION OF THE TRAP..…….………………….…………….……10
PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE..….....….……………………………………....11
THE TEST ………………………………………………………….…….......12

THE BASIS FOR LEAVING…...............................................................…14

ARE YOUR STAYING FOR THE WRONG REASONS.………..……….17
DO IT FOR YOURSELF……………………………………………….......…18
DO IT FOR HER………………………………………………………………18
THE CYCLE OF INDECISION……………………………………………...19
PERMISSION TO LEAVE…………………………………….……….……..20

THE BREAK UP……………………...……………….……….………………..22

THE ACTION PLAN………………………………………………….............23
QUESTIONS THAT DON’T NEED ANSWERS………………………..…26
TEARS……………………………………………………………….……….….29

FINAL WORD…......…………………………………………………..………..30

Copyright 2009 — Unauthorized reproduction strictly prohibited.

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A Way Out: A Men’s Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships

The last thing [legendary African-American author and educator

Howard Thurman] said before I left was probably the single most
important bit of advice I ever got about being a man. "Sam," he said,
"there are two questions a man must ask himself: The first is 'Where
am I going?' and the second is 'Who will go with me?' If you ever get
these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble."
-- Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man, by Sam Keen

“…they tried to turn a man into a mouse.”

-- from “Hurricane,” by Bob Dylan

A WAY OUT

I wrote this book to address a real problem. The problem is

underreported, but pervasive: Countless men are stuck in
relationships that drain them of their time, resources, and soul.
Perhaps you are one of them.

I’ve known many men in unfulfilling relationships with overbearing,

domineering, neurotic, destructive, or obsessively-jealous partners; I
was prompted to provide a resource so these men can achieve
freedom. This is the book that I needed when I was in a troubled,
unhealthy, three-year relationship, and couldn’t find a way out.

My goal here is two-fold:

1) To help men gain clarity about whether they want to stay or

leave their relationship, and
-- most importantly --
2) …to help men leave when they feel stuck.

Copyright 2009 — Unauthorized reproduction strictly prohibited.

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A Way Out: A Men’s Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships

Relationships should be mediums within which to grow and build

something special. All relationships can go through a rough patch
and become temporarily strained; it’s the weak man who flees at the
first sign of conflict or bad feelings.

Yet sometimes a guy finds himself stuck in a relationship that is

unhealthy; he knows it, but can’t free himself. He’s at the crossroads:
One direction represents freedom and the possibility for growth; the
other means sticking it out in an unsatisfying, stressful relationship
for an indefinite amount of time, possibly until death.

However isolated and frustrated you feel right now, I want to let you
know that similar stories are playing out across the globe; you are not
alone. But fortunately, in your case, you will do something about it,
taking appropriate action to move on. Whether you’ve felt trapped in
your relationship for six months or six years, know that there is a way
out – this book will show you the way.

WHAT’S GOING ON?

Relationships are often considered the woman’s domain. When

relationships encounter hardship and it comes to getting help,
available resources are typically women-centered. Bookstore shelves
are packed with relationship books targeting women (if you have any
doubt, just observe the covers, with their feminine imagery). Our
government subsidizes shelters for women who are victims of abuse.
Perhaps most importantly, women may take refuge in their female
friends who provide continual feedback and support.

In comparison, relationship resources for men are few and far

between. For many guys, it doesn’t occur to them to seek outside

Copyright 2009 — Unauthorized reproduction strictly prohibited.

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A Way Out: A Men’s Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships

resources; they are accustomed to taking care of their own problems.

Guys generally bumble along in relationships, experiencing setbacks
and regrets, but also achieving varying degrees of satisfaction. Yet
many others get themselves stuck with clingy, over-emotional, mentally-
unbalanced women. Though they want more than anything to be free,
they find it impossible to break up.

It’s not that the men in these unhealthy relationships aren’t smart. On
the contrary, they are usually bright, and have an extra sensitivity
towards their partners and relationships. In fact, it’s often this
sensitivity that becomes burdensome; these men are averse to taking
action that can hurt their partner, and have trained themselves to do
anything to avoid causing her pain.

There’s nothing in this text that will resolve your situation without
you taking direct action. There is no magic spell or pill that will
make it all go away. However, if you read on, you will find out how
to remove the psychological barriers that keep you in an ongoing
cycle of avoidance and despair. You will then be able to initiate the
break up, using the clear, easy-to-use guidelines illustrated in this
text.

CRAZY-MAKING

A relationship should be a place of comfort. Although it may demand

sacrifice, both partners should feel safe and at ease the majority of
time that their together. Moreover, both partners must have their
space, their own friends, interests, and time alone—without the other
partner infringing upon those things.

If you feel stressed while you're around your partner, and she
increasingly takes over your time and personal space, it's easy to lose

Copyright 2009 — Unauthorized reproduction strictly prohibited.

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A Way Out: A Men’s Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships

perspective. Like a prisoner of war who begins to sympathize with

his captors, you may lose your ability to see all that you've lost. As
this pattern takes root, it becomes increasingly difficult to free your
mind. You begin to perceive this lifestyle as normal, and apathy sets
in.

FIGHT OR FLIGHT

The biggest barrier to leaving a bad relationship is your own

physiology. By now, you are probably conditioned to have a stressful
‘fight or flight’ response anytime your partner becomes agitated. It’s
ironic: A major reason that you need to leave is her emotional
volatility. Yet, it’s that same volatility that keeps you stuck. And you
know she’s going to flip out if you try to assert your desire to leave.

By now, your sensitive neurology is already conditioned to avoid

conflict at all costs. Sharing your life with a controlling, demanding
person almost certainly changes your brain chemistry. You respond
like a Pavlovian dog: When she has an outburst or meltdown, you
feel the adrenaline and instantly go into crisis mode, doing whatever
you can to appease her. However, there is hope: The Action Plan
recommended in this book tackles this pattern head-on, helping you
to escape this cycle.

WHEN A RELATIONSHIP BECOMES A PRISON

I speak from experience when I say that feeling stuck in a dead-end,

frustrating relationship is one of the most soul-stifling, maddening
things anyone can go through.

Copyright 2009 — Unauthorized reproduction strictly prohibited.

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A Way Out: A Men’s Guide to Leaving Unhealthy Relationships

Get the entire A Way Out Ebook

(priced so that any guy who is
stuck can purchase it) at
http://www.how-to-finally-leave-
her.com/

If you can’t tolerate the constant

stress of persisting in a
relationship that you should
have left long ago, commit to
leaving it behind by getting A
Way Out!

As always, contact me at
Michael.Freeman77@gmail.com with any
questions!

Copyright 2009 — Unauthorized reproduction strictly prohibited.