Chapter One The Dream, the Problem, and the Way back to the Dream

One might argue that we live in a someone should do it for me culture.... He is thinking he made the biggest mistake in his life. It seemed right at the time. But things are not working out as he had anticipated. What is the problem? She isnt the woman of his dreams. She doesnt look good to him anymore. She doesnt pay attention to him like he wants. She doesnt like doing the things he likes to do. This marriage is not working out, and it is her fault. There are problems at home. Their son refuses to spend any significant effort on his homework. He seems totally undisciplined in his life, and his parents want to know what the school is going to do about it. The father of her children has left. It was easy to do. Just walk out the front door. Now she is alone with two kids. Solution: The government, as opposed to the one who created the problem, will pay. She feels all alone. No one calls. No one cares. She wonders what the neighbors, the church, the community ought to do about it. The family is rarely at one place and one time together. Each one has their own schedule. There are work schedules, different sports, social engagements - each family member has their own set of friends. They want a close family. They know that their lifestyle will not get them the kind of family closeness they want. But what can they do? This is the modern life. Someone should fix this because they cannot. They are at end of the credit card limit. They live paycheck to paycheck. They wonder what the bank can do. They wonder what their employer can do. They wonder what the government can do. They complain about their taxes.

I am not happy with my life, and someone else is to blame. Who? My parents, the school, the government, the community, the church, my employer, my neighbor, my wife, my husband, the kids, the dog and the cat ... the netminder. Welcome to the age of entitlement: the age of the netminder. There is nothing more unhappy than a person who thinks he is entitled. Jesus told his own parable about two sons who were equally loved by their generous father. One son ran off spending his fathers money; the other stayed home helping his father make more money. When the runaway, having lost all his fathers money, came home, his father welcomed him with an embrace that finally showed the son how much he had always loved him. The stay-at-home son was offended. He was entitled to the embrace; he was entitled to the money. His father came out to him and told him that everything he thought he was entitled to was already his, but this son could not see his fathers love. Why? Precisely because he thought he was entitled to it. The grace of God is not something we are entitled to. Your parents, your spouse, your friends, the government, the church do not owe you a thing. And so when these people or entities make a positive difference in your life, be grateful. It is embarrassing to us now, but we (Henry and Steve) back in 1987, actually embraced the entitlement culture and planned the planting of our new churches around it. We relished the role of netminder and set out to be the best netminders the churches in our denomination had ever seen. And apparently we were good at it; our churches grew to 500 in 4 years. We could catch the fish, fry it, boil it, barbeque it. Whatever the people needed, whatever they wanted, whatever they thought the church should do for them, we developed a program to meet their expectations. It worked ... for awhile. But eventually the net broke; or, to be more precise, we, the netminders, broke. But God in His grace helped us discover or rediscover fishing with a pole: a walk-with-God. With a pole everyone is responsible to catch
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their own fish. Everyone must have their own daily talking and listening walk-with-God. The church exists to help people in their relationship with God, not by doing it for them, but by helping them do it for themselves. So we started walking with God daily. We started having a walk-withGod with our spouses and our families. It felt good. It felt right. Our spirits were restored. Our enthusiasm returned. Our passion for the Lord and his command to disciple all nations was back. We discovered our dream: to walk-with-God in our families and to help others do the same. It was so simple. So basic. This was our dream, but was it the dream of anyone else? One mistake people like us makepeople who eventually write books telling other people how they should do thingsis to think that what saved or changed their lives is what will save or change the lives of others as if their experience is normative for everyone else. Rich DeVos helped us see that people have dreams. If you can tap into what people already want, then they will listen to you. So, we wondered, did other people have the same dream we did: to walkwith-God in their personal lives, their marriages and their families, and then a desire to share that walk with others? We didnt know. So we decided we needed to start asking people. What people? Anyone we met. We saw Amway distributors bold enough to ask people about financial dreams, so why couldnt we be at least as bold to ask people about spiritual dreams. The Common Dream We came up with this question: What is your spiritual dream? Take a moment to stop reading and think about the question. Write in the box below a couple of sentences or ideas that come to mind. Dont worry about getting the answer right or wrong. There is no wrong answer. Some of you did not write anything down. You dont have a pen. Or you hate these activities in the middle of books. Or you didnt want to deface the book because when your are done reading it, you want to be able to sell it on Amazon.com. Or you had this question: What do
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you mean by spiritual? If that was your question, you are not alone. Many ask it. Our simple response: Whatever you want it to mean. What are the hopes, ambitions, goals, and dreams you have for your life that are going to fulfill you on a deep level? By now most people have an idea of what we are after, but some are still reluctant to answer. People are not often taught to dream in a spiritual sense. Whats more, if your define for yourself a dream, then you may feel a certain

obligation to fulfill it. Sometimes people are wary about speaking a dream out loud because often they know they have done very little to pursue it. But with 90% of the people we asked, once they got talking, they would answer our question. And you might not believe it, but most people answered it exactly the same. Oh, and by the way, we tried this question on everyone, everywhere we went. We asked it of people we knew and people we had never met before: the waiter at a restaurant, the guy on the bus, the plane, the beach. We asked it of church people and people who hated church. We asked a bunch of young people out on the streets of London. We asked people in Malaysia, the Philippines, Thailand, China, Indonesia, Mexico, Ecuador, Israel, Egypt, and Romania. The farmer, the businessman, the educated, the uneducated, the rich, the poor. When all the asking was done, we learned that most people actually have a spiritual dream and that their dreams are remarkably the same. The answers we have always gotten fall into two categories: Category one is a God answer. Many give an answer that somehow relates to God, or at least their understanding of God. We have heard answers like I want to be close to God or I want to connect with the

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universal truth. One guy on a beach in Vancouver, B.C. said he wanted to be one with the whales. Now that doesnt sound much like a God answer, but think about it. There is a New Age, pantheist elevation of the creation that has become popular these days, especially on the east and west coasts of North America. I am god, you are god, the tree is god, and the whales are god. All that lives is part of the circle of life. All is god. The first page of the Bible speaks against this view of God; but, and this is the point, even this guy on a beach in Vancouver has a dream of connecting with God. He is just a bit confused as to who God is. He, like you and me, has an inner prompting moving him to seek something beyond himself, something we eventually call God. He has planted eternity in the human heart (Ecclesiastes 3:11b). Category two is a people answer. Many have a dream concerning their relationships with people. We have heard answers like I just want my kids to turn out well, or I want my family to be happy, or I want a great marriage, or I want to make a difference in the life of at least one person. One guy told us he wanted to give down-and-out children boat rides paid for by the government. What did you write down? What is your spiritual dream? If you are like most people, you wrote something that somehow relates to God and/or others. It is as if we come into this world with a hand reaching up to God and a hand reaching out to others. Did God put this desire in us? Did God put this desire in every person? We think so ... for two reasons: First, we have been created in the image of God, who seems keen on community. Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number (Genesis 1:26). The triune God, the God who says Let us, creates
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something in His own image, but it takes two different kinds of creatures to picture God: male and female. And these two further illustrate Gods image by reproducing themselves with children. God at his core seems very relational, and it would seem He has passed this trait along in His image bearers. Second, the two answers that people give for their spiritual dream, God and people, are the very two things for which God gives us direction in the Ten Commandments. The first four of these Ten Commandments deal with our relationship to God. The second six deal with our relationship to each other. When Jesus was asked which of the commandments was the most important, He answered, Love the Lord your God (our vertical dream) with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength and Love your neighbor (our horizontal dream) as yourself. (Mark 12:28-31) It would seem that what we want (the spiritual dream of connecting with God and others) is what God has already put in our hearts and then commands us to do. Interesting, isnt it? Often people want God in their life but are wary of Gods commands that go with it. But God only wants for us what we already deep down want. So, we (Steve and Henry) concluded that this revolutionary new dream of oursto have a walk-with-God with the people in our lives and to share that walk with those who do not yet have a walk, and to let this walk-with-God be the foundation of how we do church turned out to be the old revolutionary walk that God not only commands but has placed in every heart that bears His image. The Common Problem But if every person deep down already wants what God wants, why doesnt every person realize their spiritual dream? Why doesnt every person have a walk-with-God and a great connection with the people around them. Why isnt everyone a Christian? Why isnt every church a walk-with-God based church? It would seem that just because everyone has a desire for God and neighbor does not mean we are able to actually have a great
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relationship with God and our neighbor. Just as there is a common dream, it would seem that there is a common problem. In Genesis 2 we see our common dream realized. Adam and Eve are walking with God daily, enjoying a relationship with Him; husband and wife are joyfully walking with each other as well. There is freedom. There is no shame. There is fruit for the picking. There is meaningful work. No worry. No pain. No brokenness. But in Genesis 3 we read that sin enters the world. It first comes in as a subtle suggestion to doubt. The serpent, the Devil, says to Eve, Did God really say, You must not eat from any tree in the garden?" Yes, that is what God said, Eve quickly responds, or we will die. Now comes the lie. You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God .... Like God? Arent we, as human beings made in Gods image, already like God? There is something suspicious here. That is what a lie is: suspicious. Something is not right. A lie hides the truth. Sin and hiding go together. People hide their pornography. People hide their gossip. People hide their pride and anger. They hide from their mortality. People hide from God. The lie is believed. The forbidden fruit is eaten. We know Adam and Eve did, and we know it must have been a big slap in God's face, but what we don't know is why they did it. We are not told their motivation. Was it rebellion? What would motivate them to rebel? Was it jealousy? They wanted to be God? We don't know. All we know is the result: they hid. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. (Genesis 3:7-8 NIV) The first result of their sin was that, in their nakedness and shame,
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they hid from each other behind the leaves. Secondly, when God came around, in their fear and guilt they hid from God among the trees. Lets understand this. We want a connection with God and people. God shows us how to do this in his law. But in the brokenness of sin the shame, the guilt, the fearwe isolate ourselves behind the bushes, or whatever is convenient, from God and people. We have a dream, a God-given dream to connect with God and others; God shows us the way in His commands; but we, in our sin, shrink back, we hide from the very thing we want. Isnt this what you have seen? There are people you know who need God more than anything, and they perhaps even admit it, but they wont go to church, they wont talk about it, and they shut out any person who attempts to bridge the gap. Some of you have children who were raised in a Christian home but have walked away from the faith and, it would seem, want to keep it that way. All your prayers, pleadings, and tears seem unable to get through the dense brush that they seem to be hiding behind.

Some hide behind intellectual forests, keeping themselves at a distance from God or even God talk. Some keep so busy with other things that they never quite get around to the things of God. Some, instead of facing the cause of brokenness with the people around them, just keep making new relationships and then discarding them when they break. Relational brokenness. One country at war with another. This ethnic group cant stand that ethnic group. One side of the tracks looking askew at the other. Spouse against spouse. Brother against brother. Neighbor against neighbor. Kids against parents. Parents against teachers. Workers against bosses. Friend against friend. Pastor against people. Most of the pain we experience in life is relational. And yet is this how people want it to be? Deep down are we okay with all this brokenness, this sense that we have lost our way? Dont we
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want more? Arent we all like the four-year-old who gets separated from his mother at the grocery storywe just want to be found? So people want God, but they run away from Him. People want close relationships, but at the same time they keep others at a safe distance. How does sin do this? Again we dont know exactly why Adam and Eve disobeyed Gods explicit command not to eat of the tree of Good and Evil. But we do know the kind of lie they were obviously susceptible to. You will be like God knowing good and evil. Perhaps they were wondering, What is God hiding? Am I missing out on something I should have? What am I lacking? What is wrong with me that I am missing it? Insecurity. We are always susceptible to it. Are those people talking about me? Why didnt I get the promotion? I wonder what my friends say behind my back? Do my kids respect me. Do my parents really love me? Does my spouse want to spend time with me? Does God really care for me? Is there some cosmic plan that I am part of? We want God; we want people in our life. But we are suspicious of both. Sometimes we shrink back into our corner and hide to protect our wounded egos; sometimes we lash out in a preventive strike, Ill get you before you get me. Either way we end up alone, hiding in the woods. Why is there a feeling that we are not good enough? I want to get to know this person, but I am probably not good enough. I want to get close to my spouse, but if my spouse really knew everything about me she would run away. I want God, but I do not want God. We are not good enough, but instead of admitting this fact we go the opposite direction. We puff ourselves up. I am too good for you. I dont need you. I can do it on my own. Or we control our relationships by only getting so close and choosing with whom to relate. We create our relationships and try to control them. We create our own God so we can control Him. Bottom line: In the face of true relationship with the true God, in the face of true relationship when a person in our life comes along, our instinct is to hide, protect, sabotage, go against.
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People want a meaningful, close connection to the God who made them, and they want a connection to fellow image-bearers, people with whom they were created (bone of my bone) to have a meaningful, close relationship. But sin keeps everyone hiding in the bushes. How do we get out? Some dont. They dont even want to. Better to stay hidden. Stepping out into the relationally unpredictable open air of relationships usually ends in brokenness and pain. Better to be alone and cope. This isnt a great dream, but at least you know what to expect. Some do try to get out ... on their own. They read books, listen to DVDs, watch TV psychologists, and attend self-improvement seminars and retreats, hoping that something will help them break through the brush that holds them back in their relationships. And there are plenty of sales people claiming to show the way to the relational promised land. Just do these ten steps, or buy this particular product, or join this club, or sign up for these life-changing experiences. Many promises are made; few are realized. We on this planet today have more opportunity for knowledge, experiences, buying power, and freedom than ever before, yet all to often we reap broken marriages, broken families, broken neighborhoods, and broken communities. What do people really want in life? What is their dream? To walk with the God who made them and to walk with the people God made to walk beside them. So simple. But we are stuck in the woods. The Common Solution My (Steve) father wants to get in shape. He wants a better connection to a healthier body. I helped him bring home yet another piece of exercise equipment the other day. The promo on it promised to do the work for him. I have my doubts. But my dad is hopeful. Hes always hopeful, even though in my opinion this new walker thing is destined for the exercise equipment graveyard in his attic.
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Making changes in ones life that result in a connection is difficult. Real change is a rare thing. Yet people are forever hopeful. They are hopeful that they will connect to a life purpose. They are hopeful that they will find a true love connection. They are hopeful for a positive connection to their children and that their children will make a positive connection to God and life. People are hopeful that they will make lasting connections with friends. They are hopeful that the lives of people connected to them will make a real difference. They are hopeful of experiencing great connections in their life despite failures in the past, despite various quick-fix schemes, despite one silver-bullet solution after another. And even in the face of multiple failures, most are willing to try again. Why? We, Henry and Steve, believe that people are inherently hopeful, that they can make the changes necessary in their life to create more meaningful connections because, whether they know Him or not, there is a God who through His grace can help them make the necessary changes. There is a God who can put a silver lining in the dark clouds of brokenness. But these changes necessary to create better connections are not shallow or cheap. In fact, the power to change cost God the life of his Son. Helping people connect. As young men, we considered various options as to what to do with our lives. As we considered the needs around usso much brokenness and pain, so much contrary to how God intended things to bewe wanted to dedicate ourselves to doing something about it. Each of us became a pastor. We wanted to apply the love of God to peoples lives. We wanted to help people connect to what was important. We wanted to see better connections in our own lives as well. But how do lives change for the better? What does it take to bring wholeness to a relationship with God? What does it take to bring wholeness to husbands and wives? What does it take to bring wholeness out of all the brokenness between people? The Grace Connection
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Just as I am, without one plea, But that Thy blood was shed for me, And that Thou bidst me come to Thee, O Lamb of God, I come, I come. Those outside the church and, sadly, often those inside the church, often complain about the brokenness all around, hoping someone will do something about it. We with knowledge, commitment, experience, or liturgical silver bullets try to quickly fix the brokenness that we see. But the disconnection that sin brings to our relationship with God and others cannot be overcome with easy, cheap connection solutions. We need a power that only God can provide to overcome the sin that keeps us from connecting with God and the people in our lives. We need a reconciling power in our lives that can mend the brokenness we experience in our relationship to God and the people in our lives. All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19) God has the power to reconcile us to Him and the people in our lives. This is something God does because of what Christ did on the cross for us. It is accomplished by his grace. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. (Ephesians 2:8 NIV) There is no question about it. We cannot mend the brokenness we see and experience. Seminars dispensing new knowledge cannot do it. Speakers and salesmen who get us to make commitments cannot do it. Advertisements and emotional events that touch us cannot do it. Liturgical mantras and rituals cannot do it. We cannot do it; it must be done by Gods grace. And we are not entitled to this grace. Just because you were born into this world does not give you the right to claim to be precious in Gods
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eyes. You are not. You are a blight on Gods good earth, a stain that is unacceptable in the eyes of a Holy God. When God gave Moses instructions concerning the tabernacle and its use in the third book of the Bible called Leviticus, no person was allowed past the curtain to the Holy of Holies, Gods presence. Once a year on the Day of Atonement only the High Priest, the mediator, was allowed to go past the curtain, and he had to bring the blood of a sacrifice for the people and for himself. We are not entitled to enter the presence of God. We do not deserve this right just because we are made in His image or because we are pretty good people. We only have the right to come into Gods presence because Jesus, once and for all, became our High Priest, our mediator, and entered the presence of God with the sacrifice of his own blood (When He died on the cross, the curtain guarding the Holy of Holies actually split in two.) We need Gods grace to deal with the sin that keeps us in the trees and bushes, robbing us of our spiritual dream of connecting with God and the people around us. We need it, but we are not entitled to it. It must be earned. Jesus earned it for us on the cross. Jesus took on the guilt of our sin, the sin that causes the brokenness between us and God and the people in our lives. But how does what Jesus did on the cross get to us? How does Gods grace get to us so that our broken relationships can be fixed? Answer: The Holy Spirit. Hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love (grace) into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. (Romans 5:5 NIV) We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely (by His grace) given us. (1 Corinthians 2:12 NIV) Okay, the Holy Spirit is what brings the reconciling grace to us, but is there anything we can or must do to make this happen? Is there a part we play in this grace/reconciliation process? Do we just sit back and hope for the best?
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Lets say that your co-workers life is a messbroken marriage, broken family, broken friendships, and an anger issue with God. He needs a miracle. He needs Gods grace. Do you just sit back and see what the Holy Spirit does or does not do? Lets look at perhaps the most famous verse in the Bible: John 3:16. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. This verse suggests that the grace mission from God to us via the Holy Spirit has been accomplished when we believe. But is the act of believing the thing that accomplished the mission, or is the act of believing just a sign that the mission has been accomplished? In other words, is our belief the cause or the effect of our being saved? Confused yet? Hang on and we will get through this. Lets start with what we know. On the one side we have God and his grace. We have nothing to do with it. It is His and His alone. On the other side we have our belief, our faith. This seems like our part. What is in question is the in between, the part accomplished by the Holy Spirit. Is there a part that we control in the Holy Spirit section of our graph (the red part)? The what God does vs. what we do grace continuum

what God does what we do Gods grace Holy Spirit Belief

Lets look again at the book of John. Everyone knows John 3:16, probably because it can be used to motivate people to do something, namely, to believe (our side of the God vs. us grace continuum). But lets look a few verses earlier. Jesus is talking to Nicodemus about being born again. He says,The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit. (John 3:8) We, as human beings, do not control the wind. We at times would like to, but it blows where it blows. So it seems that this activity of the Holy Spirit (the wind) is on the what God does side of the continuum. So what about the what we do side of the continuum? Do we have
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anything to do with the wind? Well, it is clear from John 3:8 that we do not control the wind. But we can at least know something. We can know how hard the wind is blowing. We can feel the wind. We can know something about when the wind has blown, where it has blown, and how often it has blown there. In other words we know something about the windy pathwhere, when, and under what circumstances the wind typically blows. Could it be that the what we do part of the grace continuum has to do with the windy path? We do not control the wind, but we have an idea where and when it typically blows. Now, of course, God through His Spirit can make the wind blow anywhere. But we know from Bible history, from church history, and perhaps from our own experience, on what path the wind typically blows. What, if there is such a thing, could the windy path be, the path on which Gods Spirit tends to blow with his grace? There seem to be as many opinions and options as there are different Christian traditions. Certain traditions tend to see the windy path as knowledge. The thinking is: As one goes down the path of acquiring more Bible knowledge, more church history, and more doctrine, the greater the chances of the wind blowing. We (Henry and Steve) were raised in such a tradition: When we joined the church as teenagers, we had to meet with the church elders. They asked us questions designed to get us to say what we knew about the Christian faith. The more it appeared we knew, the better they felt about what we were doing. The wind of Gods spirit blows on the knowledge path. Other traditions tend to see the windy path as that which leads people to a commitment to Jesus Christ. The windy path called commitment is crowded with gospel presentations (a simple formulation of the problem of sin, ones need for a Savior, and the need to acknowledge both), altar calls, and prayers of commitment (some form of a
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commitment vow that asks for forgiveness of sins and invites Jesus to take control of ones life). Now dont get us wrong. It is not the case that one tradition believes in knowledge and another believes only in commitment. Both traditions believe in both. But different traditions often lean more heavily in one direction than another. Still other traditions think knowledge is good, but they would point out that the devil knows a lot but his knowledge does not put him on the windy path. Commitment is good, they would maintain, but people make all kinds of commitments to all kinds of things and think nothing of breaking them. So what is needed is experience. The windy path called experience is bustling with Spirit-filled worship experiences that pierce the heart and soul, that leave one defenseless before the power of the Holy Spiritthe wind. And finally other traditions are often wary of all of the above: knowledge, commitment, and experience. Knowledge can lead to anarchy everyone thinks they know a better way. Commitments can be easily made and just as easily broken. Experience can be shortlived and can be used to manipulate people. What is needed is liturgy. The windy path called liturgy is paved with specific rites, practices, prayers, and candle lighting. The wind moves in these specific actions. Now let us say it again: Just because a certain tradition of Christianity emphasizes one of these four versions of the windy path, does not mean they exclude the others. But sometimes there is a bit of tension. As we said before, our background was Reformed. Reformed people tend to walk along the knowledge windy path. My (Steves) wifes best friend is of Baptist background. I remember going to her church the first time. The pastor met me at the door. He stuck out his hand, looked me in the eye, and asked me in good Baptist tradition, "When were you saved? I admit I wasnt ready for this question. It is not one Reformed people ask much. But finally, in good Reformed tradition, I grabbed his hand,
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looked him in the eye and said, Well, according to Ephesians 1:4, I was saved from before the foundations of the world. He laughed. I laughed. But deep down we knew we came from different points of view. Our differences over this issue of what is the windy path often keep us divided on so many issues: our doctrine, our practices, our worship styles, our evangelism methods. The question eventually presses itself: Who is right? What is the windy path upon which the wind, the Spirit, tends to blow? (Once again, I say tends to blow because God can blow on any path he chooses.) Let us suggest that everyone, every tradition, is rightpartly right. We are all holding one part of a greater whole. We have all sliced off a piece of pie. If our suggestion is true, what is this whole that the parts comprise? What is this pie that knowledge, commitment, experience, and liturgy are all pieces of? Isnt the answer relationship? Knowledge, commitment, experience, and liturgy are all just the elements of a relationship. It has been more than thirty years, and I (Steve) still remember the white pants. That is what my one-day-to-be wife was wearing the first time I saw her. We were both attending the same college. I had no knowledge of her. No experience. Certainly no commitment. But I was eager to start a liturgy involving her, the liturgy of dating. I asked her out on a date. I gained in knowledge. I had an experience (our first date was not our best). I continued the liturgy of dating. I learned more things about her. I added to my experience; some was good and some was not that great. As we continued the liturgy of courtship, our knowledge deepened and our experiences began to form a bond between us, a bond of trust, care, and love. After six months of being together on a relationship path, I asked her to marry me; and she, by Gods grace, said yes. On December 29, 1987, we finally added commitment to our knowledge, experience, and liturgy. Relationship is the bigger whole from which most Christian traditions take only a part. The windy path upon which the wind of Gods Spirit
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tends to blow is the path of relationship. Gods grace comes to us, or at least is recognized, in a relationship. And relationships are formed when there is enough knowledge, experience, liturgy, and commitment. So if the key to the windy path is relationship, why would any Christian tradition narrow the path to a single part? Why, for example, would my denomination have a tendency to narrowly see grace as coming to us only when we have the right knowledge? Or why would other traditions narrowly see grace as an experience created by the Spirit through our words and songs? Or why would other traditions narrowly think that grace comes to us when we say or pray the right words of commitment. And, finally, why would other traditions narrowly think that the tumblers of grace fall when we participate in certain rituals, say our prayers, and attend certain meetings? 1. Control. We want control. We cannot control the wind. We cannot control a relationship. But we can control knowledge: Just pick up a book and start reading. We can control commitment: Just say these words. We can control experience: Music, a crowd, a good speaker. We can control liturgy: Stand up, sit down, recite this. The tendency to narrow down the grace path comes out of our need for control. Your neighbor whose relationships are a mess needs the grace of God. Wouldnt it be great if you controlled the wind of Gods grace? Whoosh! I want him to have the wind of Gods grace, and he needs it, but I dont control the wind. I do not control relationships either. So what is my role with my neighbor? To invite him to walk on the windy path. What is the windy path? That which leads to relationship. 2. Assurance. If the grace of God is delivered by the Holy Spirit, how can I be sure it has happened to me or others? In our (Henrys and Steves) tradition, if a believer is in doubt about his faith, we check out what he knows about God. In Baptists circles, we ask if there was a time the person in doubt gave their life to Christ. In charismatic circles, we ask the person with faltering faith if they have ever felt the presence of Gods Spirit. In Catholic circles we ask if they have been
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to Mass and said their prayers. We are being overly simplistic here, but our need to control, which is possibly brought on from our need for assurance, is very strong. The windy path. Though we do not control the wind, we do have a part in the path that leads to relationship. If the windy path is filled with that which leads to a relationship with God, what is it we might encounter on this path? What is needed to form a relationship with God? What is needed to form a relationship with anyone? Lets go back to the day more than three decades ago, to the white pants that caught my (Steves) eye. On that auspicious day, I saw my one-day-to-be wife, but I did not know her. I had no relationship, no connection to her. Hopelessly finding myself on the shy side of the relationship shore, I got my friend to ask her out for me. We were supposed to double date. At the last minute, my friends date canceled, so I had to go alone, just Miss White Pants and myself. What did we do? It doesnt really matter. The activity, whatever it was, was just the conduit for two very simple activities: talking and listening. On that first day, I talked, she listened; she talked, I listened. We had other dates: more talking and listening. When distance separated us, we talked and listened to each other through the mail (yes, this was before email). After 5 months of the liturgy of datingtalking and listening to each otherour relationship grew in knowledge and experience to the point where we were ready to make a commitment to each other. We got engaged. During our engagement, we talked and listened. Finally, after a year and a half of talking and listening to each other, we got married. Now, all these years later, our relationship is still growing through two very simple activities: talking and listening. If you want a relationship with your kids, guess what windy path you have to be on? Talking and listening. If you want a growing relationship with your friends? Talking and listening. If you want closer relationships with neighbors, work mates or whomever? Talking and
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listening. If you want a growing relationship with God, you know what you have to do: talk and listen to Him. Without talking and listening, relationships do not form. Without talking and listening on a repeated, consistent basis, strong connections are not made. Think back to Chapter One. We talked about how everyone wants, more than anything else, to be connected to God and the important people in their life. This was our dream. Sin keeps us from getting what we want. Gods grace through the power of his Spirit blows on a path called relationship. Relationships are formed through talking and listening. This is something we can, to some extent, control. Talking and listening is the windy path. Talking and listening to God is the path upon which the wind of Gods Spirit tends to blow. It is in our talking and listening to God that a relationship can be formed. It is in the relationship we have with God that His grace is released or at least recognized more and more in our lives. This does not mean that if we talk and listen, the wind will automatically blow. You can talk and listen and not form a connection with someone. But try to form a relationship with someone without talking and listening to them! If you want a closer connection or relationship to God ... If you want a closer connection to your spouse or close friends... If you want a family that enjoys closer connections ... If you want the people in your life to be blessed by their connection to you... You must engage in Listening and talking ... Repeatedly. A new word, repeatedly. Relationships develop as two parties
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interact with each other on a repeated basis over a long period of time. If there is little interactionlittle repeated listening and talking there is little relationship building. This is the law of relationship. So our next question is, how can we make talking and listening a habit? Or, to use our analogy, if the windy path is talking and listening, how we hold fast to the path? What forces are needed to form this important habit with the most important relationships in our lives? How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear (listening) without someone preaching (talking) to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? (Romans 10:14-15)

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