OR

Friday, June 11, 1993 The Forum of the University of Waterloo Engineering Society Volume XXI, Issue #3
The Special "I didn't need to pass my midterms, anyway" Issue
Page 2 The Iron Warrior
Friday, June II, 1993
Is This a Commercial or What?!?
a
y, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?????
S MIDNIGHT ON TUESDAY
NIGHT AND I'M SIITING IN
FRONT OF A WATSTAR MACHINE
WITH CLIFFER TYPING A SPEW!!!!
CHRIST!!!! I NEED A LIFE!!! NO NEED
FOR THIS AT ALL!!!!
And now, Oiff just bestowed upon me
the information that the megaphone was
teefed (snagged, ripped, swiped, scoffed,
nabbed, taken, etc.) at some sailing event
or other two Saturdays ago. Excuse me
while I give him a much needed tuning.
(CRASH! BAM! BOOM!). So, if any of you
have found a megaphone in a position or
location (or both) where it does not usual-
ly appear, let us know. Please. I demand it.
RIGHT NOW!!
Okay, okay. On to serious business ...
The implementation of an electronic
mail system for the directors and class reps
is under way. Our off-term rep happens to
be working for the WatStar consultant's
office, and the word is that this system will
Ron Butler
3A Systems
G
'da
Y
, gday. Many exciting things
to been seen and heard in this
issue's spew! So keep reading.
The 1st revision of the Safety Report has
been completed. For all you new viewers,
the Safete Report is intended to infonn the
administration of our opinions and feel-
ings on the issues of access and safety in
Engineering. The report states that our
major concern is the preservation of 24-
hour to engineering facilities. It also
outlines some of the ideas that came out of
the questionnaires and the two safety
meetings. This report was presented to the
~ of Engineering and the Engineering
Safety Committee on Thursday, June 10.
Feel free to stop by the Orifice to review
the document Much thanks to everyone
who contributed (especially my editor).
The ESSCO AGM is fast approaching!
The Engineering Student Society Council
of Ontario Annual Grand Meeting will be
held the weekend of July 23-25. Despite
SKJ's bitter review of student conferences
(see last IW), they happen to be a lot of fun
and a great way to meet engineers from
be ready for primary testing in a couple of
weeks. Look for details at the next Eng-Soc
meeting.
By the way, the Dean of this Depart-
ment is going to be at the meeting this
week (it will have gone by by the time you
read this) and bets for how long he will
expunge great ear-stuff will be taken at the
BBQ which was before the last meeting.
(Am I living in the past or what?). Oh boy.
I'm in rough shape here.
Next! Canada's Wonderland is almost
sold out and it isn't for almost another
month. God you guys must be getting
poor. Well, don't hold off the cash, Blue
Jays tickets are on sale too, and we want
YOU! The trip is on the July somethingth
so hurry up and get yer tickets.
Also, the Joint Council has been
reserved at the Pinery over at King and
something just north of Weber. Ask Oiff
for details. And, to avoid what happened
last tenn, there will be NO VaIING at the
Joint Council. This is unconstitutional and
induces a s l ~ l i k state in the attending
members of Eng-Soc.
Also, in case you haven't noticed ,there
are approximately 14 million ( 13.99999
million) posters up around the halls of
Engineering advertising the Semi-Formal
Come one, come more than one. The
theme is Midnight Magic, and tickets are
only an insignificant and miniscule $23
(this includes a meal to remember and a
free glass of Batch at midnight).
Oh, by the way, if anyone has com-
plaints about the programming of the TV
in POETS, come talk to myself or someone
other universities. Further information
about the AGM and other conferences will
be printed in up-coming issues of the IW,
or can be obtained from the Orifice. Appli-
cations to become a delegate to the AGM
are available in the Orifice, so fill yOUIS out
today!
If the FSSCO AGM is fast approaching,
then CANADA DAY is ... ah, faster
approaching? Every year for Canada Day
we run a Mini- Olympics for all the kids in
the world. Our Canada Day reps (Ange-
line Huang and Nic Hesse) are currently
figuring out all the activities we will be
running. As well, we've been invited to
take part in the local CANADA DAY
PARADE. SO! If you are going to be in
town for Canada Day, sign-up for the
Mini-Olympics and the Parade. Free t-
shirts and I""'S points for all!!!!
And now for the continuing saga of the
Ring Road/Off Road Classic ... Wouldn't
you know it! As soon as I get some volun-
teers, security pulls the plug on the Ring
Road Classic. Here's the scoop: Ring Road
is too busy for security to close it
for our bike race. A shame, but
what can a person do? In any <ase,
we'll plunge into the mud with a
fantastic Off Road Classic some:.
time in July. Keep an eye out for it
Volunteers are still more than wel-
come, and thanks to those who
have already come forward.
I would like to thank Batb Smith
for organizing the question and
answer period with John West-
lake. For those of you who missed
it, it was your big chance to talk to
the administration about the new
co-op system. But take heart, you
on the exec before approaching the Dean.
The programming shown on
last Friday was Prime Time Approved by
the people who are paid to censor televi-
sion, so there should be no reason to be
offended with the council or the POEfS
directors!
Video equipment is in! Eng-Soc has
temporarily acquired the Fed's video
equipment and it has been set up in that
little room just left of the WEEF room in
the POEfS corridor. The equipment con-
sists of a player, recorder, and editting con-
trol board (all VHS) with two screens and
also an Amiga 2roJHD (no Toaster).
Finally, the video camera in the Eng-Soc
office is available for use at Eng-Soc events
only with a deposit of $100 (to guarantee
safe handling). This can be taken out
through Cheryl in the Orifice.
Alright....E-mail System ... Dean ... Cana-
da's Wonderland ... Blue Jays .. .Joint Coun-
cil...5emi-Formal...needless interup-
tions .. Video Stuff...1 think that's it for
now ... maybe ... if I'm lucky ... Boom!
can read all about it in this issue of the lW.
And now ... by request ... a new feature
of VPX Spews!
GET TO KNOW YOUR VP!
Things I like (you can imagine the voice
of Jack Handey is reading this): I like
restaurants with the mini-jukeboxes that sit
right on your table. Like East Side Mario's,
you have to listen to the same songs night
after night, but at least you get to pick the
songs.
Things I like less: I hate toilet paper dis-
pensers that don't tum freely. I can't accept
that we can put a person on the moon, but
we can't dispense toilet paper.
I regret requesting people to talk about
my hair (see last issue of the IW). [Hi Ron,
Nice Hair! - ed.] Let that be a lesson to all
you potential "please- comment-on-my-
hair" people. I promise not to talk about
my hair anymore! [That's Ok, we'll do it for
you, Ron! - ex ed.]
VP Xtemporaneous - "I have to be, I'm
always late!"
R
Friday, June 11,1993
The Iron Warrior Page 3
Plyush Bhatnagar
3ASystems
E
that time again. The IW editors are
doing a fantastic job of harassing all the
pIe from whom they want spews.
So, here it is!
For those of you who didn't go to the
Sbatford festival with us, you missed out!
We had a busload of semi-well dressed
engineers out trying to soak in some cul-
ture. And that's just what we did. The
modern version of "A Mid Summer
Night's Dream" quite innovative.
This was not my favourite Shakespearian
play, but I enjoyed myself nonetheless. I
think I speak for all who went that it was a
steal at $24.00. Thanks to everyone who
came out
Are you a thrill seeker? Do you like liv-
ing on the edge? If you answered yes to
either of these questions have I got an
opportunity for you! Come and jump out
of a plane at 3500 ft with me. We need a
group of 20 people (or more) to get a spe-
cial group rate at SWOOP (South Western
Ontario's Organization of Parachutists).
SWOOP is located in Grand Bend, and
take it from me, it is quite a sight when
you're gliding all the way down to the
ground. If you are interested in taking the
plunge, oontad: me or leave a message for
me in the Orifice. If we can get enough
people to go, I will arrange a skydiving
weekend sometime at the end of June or in
July (or even after exams if necessary!). So
if you've ever thought about it, tl1is is your
chance! Come on out for
the ultimate thrill!
If skydiving isn't your
thing, maybe watching a
ball game is. There are
still tickets left for the
Toronto Blue Jays vs the
Kansas City Royals game
at SkyDome on July 15th.
Tickets are only $12.50,
and that indudes admis-
sion as well as bus fare
there and back.
It looks like Canada's
Wonderland is already a
success and it's still a
month and a half away.
We have only got a hand-
ful of tickets left. If you
still want to go get your
hands on those last few
tickets!
Tickets for the Midnight Magic Engi-
nemng Semi-Fonna1 '93 are now available
in the Orifice for the low, low price of
$23.00. It is being held at Ruby's Dining
Lounge & Ballroom on Friday, July 9th.
Cocktails start at 6:30 p.m. and dinner will
be served at 7:30 p.m. 'This year's menu
should please everyone. Besides the other
rourses, for the main coun;e you will have
a choice between Breast of Chicken Supreme
and for all you vegetarians out there a tasty
Stir Fry. You will also have choice
between Black Forest Cake with whipped
cream and Bing d1erries and two pend! Crepes
with hot Gmnd Manlier Sauce. In addition
to the dinner there will a free round of
batch served to everyone and will be avail-
able at the bar for the rest of the night. If
you don't know how to get there or are
worried you won't be able to get back
home, fear not We will be running a shut-
tle bus to and from Ruby's. If you wish to
use this service it will cost you only an
additional $2 per person (to cover the oo;t
of the bus rental). This way we know
everyone will get back to campus safely.
When you buy your tickets in the Orifice,
make your dinner choices, your trans-
portation choices as well as signing a
playlist with up to three of your favourite
songs that you wish to hear that night. Get
your tickets soon because this will be one
party you do not want to MISS!!!!!
We will be having two multicultural
days in July. The first day will be a Home-
land Fashion Day. Just wear some funky
traditional threads and earns BIG-TIME
P"'S points. The second day will be a mul-
ticultural food festival day. We want to
transfonn the Cl'H foyer into an interna-
tional food fair. We want to have finger-
foods from around the world with all pro-
ceeds going to charity. 1'm going to need a
wr of help on this project from as many
people as possible. We need lots of chefs
to come out and displays their culinary tal-
ents. So come on out and be proud of
where you come from and tead1 everyone
else what you're all about!
\,yestmount Place Pharmacy
50 Wcstrnounl Rd. N.,Waterloo. ONT
OPEN DAILY
Sundays & Holidays
9am - 10pm
11am- 9pm
WE ACCEPT U of W STUDENT HEALTH PLAN
2B Electrical
H
t, about chainsaws,
etc. The reason we no
longer include lovely
little cartoons about
s
o, here's the lesson in reality -
"Money = Power", or "$=P" for
those of you who like symbols. Sinre
the IRON WARRIOR costs about $4 to $5
thousand a tam we need as much adver-
tising as we can get in Older to cover costs.
I am not going to debate the relative merits
of Mr. Ralph. nor the age old concepts of
freedom of the press. The press is only free
as long as someone is footing the bill.
As far as direct finance matters are ron-
cemed, we're alright, fm collecting on old
invoices that weren't paid from last terIn.
and you can expect a very nasty report
about Phil's Place if I don't receive a
cheque by the next IW issue. Your illustri-
ous president and I will be meeting with
the Dean in order to discuss an accounting
position for Engsoc and what it
" would entail. I'm just going to be
'\.sure it doesn't entail my failing
""out.

I have the opportu-

heinously violent charac- Does anyone have a
ters in the IW, is due to an , roofrack I can borrow for the
advertising backlash. It seems July 1st weekend?
that some of the companies / In any case, have fun with
who advertise with us were good luck and remember
not impressed with the artistic quality nor there is always the 100% final option
the non-politically correct presentation of
such cartoons last term
Morgan Day
4A Computer

proposal forms are currently

flowing in, but by the time you are
reading this spew, the due date for
proposals will have long past.
I would like to thank the few students
who took the initiative to submit a propoo-
al on their own. I hope that proposal fonns
were readily available and that all those
who wished to make a
proposal had an oppor-
tunity to do so. This
was the first term that
the standardized pro-
posal fonns were used
and feedback from stu-
dents and staff would
be greatly appreciated.
Please direct your com-
ments to Morgan Day,
Engineering Society
Office, or call me at
8884893.
The next of the
funding process will be
the proposal presenta-
tion meeting. This
meeting will be held in
the Davis Centre,
Room 1302 on Mon-
day, June 28 at 7:00pm.
The meeting is expect-
ed to last approximate-
ly three hours and will
give all t:hooe who sub-
mitted a proposal an
opportunity to present
SteveK-J.
it before the funding council I would like
to invite everyone in engineering to rome
out and listen to the proposal presenta-
tions with the funding council so you can
see how the WEEF operates. Only class
representatives get a vote on the funding
decision which is why full participation
from each class is mandatory.
With regard to the upcoming funding
decision. I would like to say that it is crying
shame that the 2B geological class can't
come up with a WEEP representative. I've
sent l'-mail, and advertised in
Iron Warrior and no onc will take tll' bail.
Do I have to b( g? Well, J won't, If you
don't want class then I
guess that's your prerogativ .
Anyway, keep reading Watsl.U' for m re
infom\(\tion about the WEEI' and to the
funding council and stl>ering committee,
thanks for doing a great job so far. By the
way, dleck out th' sexy WEEF ,d later in
tl1is issue.
Page 4 The Iron Warrior
Friday, June 11,1993
,
Dear IW Editor:
People go bald but pathetic are those
who hide their condition with wigs,
weaves, implants, combing side hair over
the top, or perma-hats. Usually these
pathetic 1())erS are content to retreat to the
corners of society to protect their fragile
and poorly founded self esteem. This
retreat is fine by me because exposure to
their thinking becomes irritating and even-
tually nauseating over time.
Such is the case of Stephen Kingsley-
Jones. I have never seen someone so ver-
bose who says so little of real value. Why
is the Iron Wanior, suppa;edly a source of
refinement and greater understanding,
rontent to publish this seemingly endless
SOUl're of verbal diarrhea? Articles written
by Kingsley-Jones amount to the intellec-
tual masturbation of a weak mind. When I
peruse the Iron Warrior an article with
Kingsley-Jones' authorship tells me to go
to the next article without further delay.
If the hun Warrior has SO few quality
submissions for publication then perhaps
it is better to publish less often instead of
pUb&hing more gaxbage. And when will
the Iron Warrior become an engineering
undergrad newspaper instead of a Sys-
tems Design 3A newspaper?
Sincerely,
Kurt Lenfesty
3ASystems
It has become more than obvious that
the IW is basically a dumping ground for
ideas that mayor may not have social,
political or technical re1evanre. It is Nor
an alternative art mag and this somewhat
concerns me given that in our engineering
core courses and electives there appears to
be more than enough opportunity to
divulge our woes regarding non-artistic
concerns. I find it imperative that we
acknowledge the fact that engineering is
indeed not only an applied scientific
endeavour but also an artistic one. After all
I think that its rather unequivocal to say
that some of the most noted engineering
endeavours world round have been the
real-life manifestations of the artistic
thoughts of people. The achievements of
the great Leonardo were cases-in-point of
this discussion
On this note I submit a piece of writing
that came to me some time back. I thought
I'd share with my passionately romantic
(and certainly artistically-inclined) engi-
fellows.
Hooked
My step starts to falter, my blood pres-
sure rises, My pupils start to fluctuate
between all kinds of sizes.
My skin has no colour now, my insides
start to swell, My world can't stop spin-
ning, my head's not so well My stomach
is turning, my eyes won't stop burning, So
bad I can't stand it, for a fix a am yearning.
My breath becomes short, my heart starts
to race, For I know I'll never touch again
that beautiful fare.
Withdrawn has my love today, no
warning gave, I'm a self-a>nfirmed addict
now, fortiUs love fma slave.
diAblo


Alcohol and Engineering
Don Bowman
3A Systems
E
are very few social gatherings a
person my age goes to where alco-
hol is not a central theme. Most of
these events are managed responsibly, and
. a good. time is had by all. Still, I have to
wonder if those who do not drink feel
excluded. Do they feel pressured into
doing something they don't feel comfort-
able with? Personally I've never felt pres-
sured, but maybe that's just me.
I always find that the majority of people
around me at any social event always have
something to drink. I see no problem with
this. However, there are usually very few
who don't. These people further boil down
to a majority who have to drive later, and a
few abstainers who have come out any-
way. Are there that few abstainers? Are
the abstainers generally the type of person
who doesn't go out to these social events?
Or do they just feel excluded, and thus
don't show up?
Alcohol seems to me to be a bit too cen-
tral. Why is it that at EngSoc meetings
there are no non-alcoholic beverages?
How about POEIS? It certainly doesn't
hurt to give people a choice. I'm sure that
with a little experimenting the people
planning a typical event would know
what proportion of Sprite to beer to pur-
chase. Maybe I won't choose the Sprite,
maybe you won't choose the beer. Neither
one of us should feel we have to.
We also have to consider our responsi-
bility to the frosh: maybe we are secure
enough in ourselves now to say ''No'', but
someone immersed in a new envirorunent
and not knowing anyone is not quite as
secure A responsible start into the Univer-
sity lifestyle is important. An example
should be set that not drinking is as accept-
able as drinking, and that no one should
think any the less of you for it .
instead promoting the view that engineers
are people who can enjoy themselves
responsibly, and include the widest pc6Si-
ble cross-segment of the population? I
mean, everyone knows we're a bunch of
fun-Ioving people, but how about modify-
ing that somewhat? How about making
people see us for what we are: students
struggling to get through school who need
a little relief from stress now and then.
Whether that relief comes from television
or discussing astro-turf in a bar is really up
to each of us as an indivi.dual.
I know of many
people who view
engineers as stereo-
typical beer-guzzlers
I don't think de-emphasizing alcohol
use will in any way negatively impact pe0-
ple's fun or social lives. In fact, it could
encourage more people to become
involved. I am not preaching abstention to
people: most of you know me too well for
that I am preaching incl usion The more
people we include, the better. If including
people means serving coffee at events as
well as beer, so be it. I'll even cheerfully
chip in to foot the bill.
I would like to see all EngSoc sponsored
events, from regular meetings to the Semi-
Formal, accessible to everyone. There
should be a clear message that not drink-
ing is perfectly acceptable and in no way
looked down upon. At the same time,
those who do enjoy having a few drinb
with their friends should not feel impinged
upon A balance must be struck. This bal-
ance can me made through compromise
and accommodation. We are all intelligent
enough. we just need the will
SUBMIT, DAMMIT!
I know of many people who view engi-
neers as stereo-typical beer-guzzlers. It's
certainly not true as a rule. We can change
our image from within. How about
Everyone should ask, "Did I only rome
to this EngSoc meeting because 1 knew
there was free Batch?" If the amwer is yes,
you may as well not have shown up. You
aren't conbibuting anything.
Terry "My God, ..... does he get allhallIme?" Woo
3ASystems
5:
l've hean:l a few complaints over
number of subr:ni$ions made by
3A Systems class (technically not
my class, but that's another story). ''1'00
much," they're saying, "Domination!
Media control! Famine, warfare, pesti-
lence... "
WeD. my answer to thic; is._
SUBMIT,
DAMMIT!
The Iron Wania doesn't care what you
submit, so long as it's, you know, within
the bounds of taste. So just do it , why
don't you? Want to report about a dub
meeting - SUBMIT, DAMMlT! Want to
do ooncert / reconi I book reviews -
MIT, DAMMlT! Want to complain abrut
how many articles are submitted by 3A
Systems - SUBMIT, DAMMm I'm not
picky! Try me! I dare you! I dm't care if
you want to write about a dream you had
about Ernest Borgnine kidnapping you Need a Computer on your desk?
and forcing you to dance - just SUBMIT, You can go to a no-name, no-service, computer outlet, OR
DAMMIT!
Short stories? Sure! Problems with geo- C 11
erating an idea? I'll help! Finish this a
if
WATLAN ...
memo ""
"I woke up one moming in a cheap
motel room in Des Moines with half a taco
hanging out of my mouth. My left arm
had been sawed off and replaced with an
orange PEZ dispenser."
You can't say this statement doesn't
have possibilities! You bloody well can't
746-0550
HeD. the IW staff will even field insults,
cheap shots, death threats (so long as
they're constructive) ... anything! We
LOVE being ostracized and put down!
We liVE Cor ill! Ha, ha. hal!! We're not
Free consultation with our expert - a UW Engineer
hitchiking
. . I W' RIDING"
anymore. ere ..
By the way, 3A Systelm receives about
2(XX) P"'5 points for f!Vf!!lY issue of the IW
Every computer customized to your specifications
No hassles or hard sell tactics
Good prices, service and warranty
that comes out (for editing, producing, W A TLAN INC.
writing for and dNributing the thing in its
near entirety _ not exactly by choice, mind 160 Columbia Street w.
(at Phillip Street)
you). So if you don't want to see any of Phone 746-0550
those smug Systems types gloat at the end ... ______________________ ....
of the -SUBMIT, DAMMIT! I
Friday, June 11, 1993
The Iron Warrior PageS
many of which were cleared up
and I hope to have it right this time. I
would also like to apologize for some of
the less than visible photos in the last issue.
I am getting better in the darkroom. (hey, I
learned how to use the darkroom 2 hOllIS
before doing the photos for the first
<0: issue, ok?) and have been talking to
our publisher so we will (hopeful-
cJ' get them right this time.
Alun Fryer
3A Systems
S
eep? What's sleep? I hear it's highly
ver-rated anyway. In fact I enjoy
Walking around like a zombie every-
day.
First off, I would like to apologize for the
really aummy printing in the fust issue. I
have been working with the fine folks at
Graphic Services to correct the problem,
One of the first things I did when I
took over this job was to change the
front page and logo. I really hated the one
that has been used for the last few terms. I
wanted to recapture the spirit of the origi-
nallRoN WARRIOR logo (see below) which
was used back in the dark ages of manual
layout Let me know what you think of it
You can always leave me a note in my box
in the Orifice nw Editor''), or just drop by
if rm in and say, 'Hi Alun. Nice Paper!"
rYe had quite a number of people come
to me and tell me, "Hey! There's nothing
but Systems people in here!". Well, I can
only print what gets submitted, so if YOU
submit, we can have a broader rnngein the
IW. On that point, rd like to say thanks to
our staff writers who have been doing a
great job at providing the articles that go
intotheIW.
If you feel the sudden urge to help out
with the paper, just drop by the IW office
(across from POETS) and talk to one of us,
or you can e-mail us at iwarrio:r@l302.
," RON WARRIOR
FI'bruaryl986 ,., .. -, ......... "." ..... "dlr//{/l y /Y8I,

1- 7
cathy Richardson
18 Systems
D.!
. g my work tetm in a city that
. remain unnamed, the equally
anonymous newspaper of that
city introduced a new personal ad section
that quickly became immensely popular.
You could place your ad for free, and leave
phone messages for someone else's ad
through a W6 number that charged by the
minute. It also cost $$$ to collect your own
messages.
On a couple of occasions I was com-
pelled by curiooity to read some of these
ads. One has to wonder what kind of
morons are so desperate that they have to
spend money to announce to an entire city
that tlley're single. I expected to find lonely
38-year-olds looking for that "special
someone." What I found instead was
astonishing.
While perusing these published mating
calls, 1 made a few completely unscientific
observations. Frrst, tllere were about twice
as many "Men Seeking Women" as
''Women Seeking Men". If we can assume
that in the heterosexual population there
are approximately equal numbers of men
and women, it follows that there are equal
numbers of single men and women. So
why are so many more men "seeking"?
It's something to think about ...
Logically, the remaining categories
should be "Men Seeking Men" and
''Women Seeking Women" n'est-<:e pas?
But homosexuals looking for partners
were lumped into the vague euphemistic
category of /I Alternative Lifestyles". Soci-
ety is still refusing to acknowledge gays
and lesbians, and denying their identity.
Perhaps what surprised me the most
was the large number of advertisers who
were (or claimed to be) in the 18-25 age
bracket. TIlere must be better ways for
someone our age to meet people than
through newspaper ads! SchooL work, fel-
low commuters, clubs, teams, even (gasp!)
engineers ... think
everyone will
worship them
Fed Hall and the like ... To resort to a per-
sonal ad seems extreme. TI1e typical ad
described the physical attributes of the
seeker, and desirable qualities of a seekee.
Moot didn't mention anything about their
jobs. Except the engineers. There was a.
noticeably higher number of engineers
proclaiming their profession than any
other group. I tried to figure out why this
could be. 1 drew only two conclusions.
Either engineers are so high on the idea of
being engineers that they think everyone
will worship them at tlle mention of the
word, or ... there are a whole lot of single,
desperate engineers around! Just some-
thing to think about
We Got Good Grammar
Andrew Netherton
. 18 Mechanical
E
etest bad grammar. Bad grammar in
any liteIaIy piece is like a sour spot on
. fts lollipop: not life threatening, but
as annoying as a date who loves garlic
bread, and smells like it It still may be a
nice piece of literature, or date, but bad
grammar ruins the mood.
There are three forms of granunatical
error which I find moot annoying: misuse
of the "there-their-they're", "your-you're",
and "its-it's" families. All are u'>ed. erro-
neously quite frequently, which is a sad
statement. We were supposed to learn this
stuff way back in grade four or five,
weren't we? Somehow, in the interim
between our first encounter with fractions
and lining up to shovel resume packages
into random slots, we lost our ability to dif-
ferentiate between the correct and incor-
rect uses of these small, but necessary
words.
Sadly, this happens everywhere. I have
witnessed a very expensive new piece of
equipment display its title screen with an
"its" where it was obvious there should
have been an "it's". Even the ever-popular
Iron Warrior allowed a blatant misuse of
"their" where a "there" was screaming to
be put [You mmn theirs adifferena? - edl.
This happened on the front page, no less! I
won't even start to get into the numerous
letters, CONF sessions, and e-mail mes-
sages I've received with faulty grammar
structure. Trust me, there have been
many.
Communication skills, as has been
said before in this forum, are essential to
engineers, hence the ELPE. I believe that
we should go further than that We need
another mandatory exam. for all students
accepted here, faculty not an issue, that
concentrates solely on basic grammar
skills. I'm not suggesting that everyone
needs to know every instance where
"whom" should be used instead of "who".
Pluases like, '1 done good", '1 hope your
coming here", "There going to be here
Sunday", and "Its cloudy out" absolutely
need to be stamped out of existence.
Maybe expecting decent grammar skills
is unrealistic. I'n admit right now that I
have difficulty spelling certain words. My
spelkheck gets quite a wOIkout, and earns
its keep on a regular basis. Seriously
though folks, are we going to let five
measly words, none longer than seven
characters, ruin our literary creations? I
hope not .... I want my date; without drag-
on breath. thank-you very much.
On Being A Coconut
Andre carrington
38 Design
ecently one of my classmates
referred to me as a coconut-
wn white on
inside. Should I laugh at this metaphor?
Should I dismiss that statement as his way
of saying that 1 am Canadian born? Should
I feel humourless because I don't compro-
mise my intellect to prescriptive and
insulting statements?
No.
The fundamental problem with that
statement is that it directly implies that my
perceptions, attitudes and behaviours are
somehow white, and consequently, it
implies that I lack self-esteem to the point
that I wish to either consciously or subcon-
sciously deny my race and ethnicity in
favour of another.
have to daal with the of that
I lu ven't forgotten that my anc::estors were
slaves to a famUy wh nam was Car-
rington- h nee my last name is Carring-
ton. I haven't forgotten th whole ugly
affair of slavery.
I hope you will endeavour to remember
something of the history of my race, too.
And if you don't know much about my
heritage or anyone else's, find out. Mk, and
you may better understand and appreciate
yourpeers. .
Henry Arnold Roon Spews:
Page 6
The Iron Warrior
Friday, June 11, 1993
Women in Eng-neering
Stephen Klngsley-Jones
28 Electrical


the AECL Toastmasters Club.
is a group designed to
improve people's public speaking ability.
Thic; speech seemed to go over quite well
(a standing ovation from over 35 people).
The purpose of the speech was to intro-
duce myself to the group, which should
explain the lonnat Perhaps it might give
you more of an insight into why Dec.6 is
important to a person like me.
per5, watched lV, and knew the city of
Toronto fairly well by the age of 18.
But none of this prepared me for the
rather odd shock I had when I jOined
Waterloo Engineering. Fu'St Day, Frosh
Week, I walked into a room filled with my
Frosh Team maie;, and stupid me asks the
question "Why aren't there any girls
here?".
To be precise their were a quite few, but
at that time all I noticed were the high pr0-
portion of males. In every single one of my
final year high school courses there were
more females than males. Throughout
high school I achieved near the top of my
Good Morning Mr. President, Fellow class, but every year the ones at the very
and weloome Guests. top were girls. I never had the slightest
Where were you on December 6, 1989? thought that they were not as smart as
I'd like you to take a moment and go myself. So why weren't any of them in
back to just over three years ago. (Pause) I Engineering?
myself W$ busy with my final high school Waterloo Electrical & Computer Engi-
exams, what were you doing? What will neering was and still is the toughest under-
you be doing next December 6th? grad program to get into in Canada. So
I ask these questions because of the diffi- where were all the female high achievers
rulty I had in deciding what to speak upon that I used to go to school with (some
today. I could say that my name is came, most did not).
Stephen Kingsley-Jones, I am a Waterloo That was when I got the big shock
Engineering student, I'm 21 years old. "Don't you know, girls don't go into Engi-
These are facts, but they do not give an neering". Again yours truly, Mr. Stupid,
insight into what and who I truly am. So... asked "Why not?" to which there are sev-
overwhelmed by my youthful idealism I eral different answers.
decided to speak on a part of my life that One of which being: "They aren't smart
has evoked a lot of personal conflict. enough in Math" - well the #1 and #2 at
I am very much a product of the mod- my school me in Physics, Alge-
em environment I was born and lived bra and Chemistry so that obviously isn't
most of my life in the suburbs of Toronto true.
and absorbed what I would call "conven- Thus began my quest
tional" culture. Having been on my own Which is how I found out that young
since fifteen I feel that when I went off to girls are systematically encouraged not to
University 1 was a little more "worldly" enter Maths and Sciences by their parents,
than most students. I tell you this because teachers and society. How I discovered
I don' t want you to think I grew up in that though there is no consistent correla-
some kind of bubble, I read the newspa- tion between ability in
I Didn't Expect The Spanish Inquisition vol II num III
by the Man with the Two Chrome Sticks
-
,
Acamling to Tohn Westlake, program administrator for Engineering Co-op
Education, the new "Continuous Placement" progrAm will help to make UW
Co-op much mort competitive.
young girls and boys, there is a miscon-
sbued belief that females are less quantita-
tive than males.
My quest led me to learn that Engineer-
ing has a reputation as being hostile to
women, both as a faculty and as students.
That while it has been growing, Engineer-
ing still has the poorest male to female
ratio of any faculty other than Ardlitecture.
All this led. inevitably to my learning of
Dec.6, 1989. That was when, a student,
who had failed to be admitted to Engineer-
you know,
girls don't go into
Engineering"
ing, decided to take out his anger. Farly
afternoon on Dec.6, Man: Lepine entered
L 'Eoole Polytechnique in Montreal with a
high powered rifle. In one classroom he
fired off"a shot and ordered all the men to
leave, he then lined the women against the
wall and said "You're all feminists, I hate
Feminists" at which point he opened fire.
In total Marc Lepine killed 14 women
that day. He then killed himself, leaving a
mystery of motivation, a great deal of grief,
and a microscope pointing at Engineering.
Due to the focused media attention,
Engineering in Canada got a real kick.
Since 1990 any aspect of Engineering Stu-
dent behaviour which exhibited sexism
was sought out and removed. Engineer-
ing newspapers, formerly a bastion for
filth of all kinds, are now a breath of fresh
air compared to other student newspa-
pers. There have been programs to
encourage women to enter engineering
and summer science camps for children
set up, we've tried to remove sexist tradi-
tions, I could go on with the things we've
done. Suffice it to say, that from a person
on the inside, Engineering at Waterloo is
working towards the least sexist environ-
ment we can create.
We have worked hard, myself induded.
to root out problems and to find solutions.
We have, for the most put, been success-
ful
But it doesn't matter, it won't make the
slightest difference. Right here, Right Now
out in the "real world", the sexism hasn't
changed. The jokes and the posters, the
attitudes of older Engineers, technicians
and even professionals haven't changed. I
fear for some of my classmates who go out
on workterms from a place where they
compete as equals, to a place where they
are laughed at. Where they get inter-
viewed because "We wanted. to see what a
female engineer looked like./I We have
tried to fix the entrenched sexism in Engi-
neering Schools, but the world has a long
way togo.
I myself helped to organize the Dec. 6th
Memorial ceremony last December.
Watching Fourteen female Engineers, my
friends, go up and light a candle for each of
the Massacres victims was the saddest and
angriest moment of my life. I have never
been so sad and angry at once. During my
mother's funeral I was of course sad, but
there was never that anger at the society
and at the attitudes which were at the root
of the Massacre.
So, I am very angry. Angry at every
man and woman who continue to re-
enforce attitudes that have no place in a
civilized country. That one person isn't as
worthy as another, or that anyone, male or
female is more an object than a person I
must, and we must as a people direct our
anger to resolving the attitudes which
induce men and society to denigrate
women
Every day I try to work towards
improving this world for those who will
come after as we all do. That next time
there does not have to be another fourteen
deaths for us to realize what needs to be
done.
Next Dec. 6, I will be attending a Memo-
rial Service, where will you be?
Watch For Our Cuupon.
In Every Issue of
The Iron Warrior
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160 University Plaza: 884-7821
Friday, June 11, 1993 The Iron Warrior
Page 7
Paul Gulnness
3A Systems
M
o;t of us can sum up the world
news as depressing. Chao; and
Yiolence; and the inability of
ourselves to do anything about it I cringe
when I read the news. However, I believe
that what is happening elsewhere in the
world can provide valuable insights into
the current and future social situation in
Canada.
In the last few weeks, several stories
have caught my attention One was a doc:-
umentary on human rights violations that
occurred in Paraguay during the 1970's
and 1980's. The BBC documentary had
countIess interviews with those tortured,
and the police, government, and diplomats
who denied hwnan rights violations were
committed. There were tours of prison
facilities and pictures of incriminating doc:-
uments.
Another story we are all familiar with is
the continuing tragedy in former
Yugoslavia between Croats and Serbs.
We've all seen the headlines and the horri-
fying facts. What stunned me was that
people from different ethnic groups from
tile same village would turn on each other
Care
or stand by as outside forces swept in to
"clean up" their neighbours.
How do people commit or pennit such
crimes against others? Much as I'd like to
cling to the hope that justice can be served
through some international council, the
last time this happened were during the
Nuremburg war crime trials after WW2.
The simple fact is that violence and aime
within a country cannot be reduced or con-
trolled by an outside force. Once a COWltry
descends into violence, little can be done to
stop it and justice is never served.
Can this happen in Canada? Before you
laugh and turn the page, remember that
the people of Paraguay or Bosnia are much
like us, yet it happened and is happening
to them. They too have families and
friends, work hard, and try to enjoy life.
These two points can be made. One, citi-
zens of a country do not plan to let their
COWltry be swept up in a reign of violence
and repression Two, it happens anyway.
I believe citizens arrive in a state of
oppression and violence through subtIe
and slow changes. Overnight citizens don't
arm themselves and go on killing sprees.
Overnight a dictator doesn't mysteriously
appear and seize power. It doesn't happen
that overnight prison camps and the tor-
Why Should I become a
Professional Engineer?
John Kasunic
3A Systems
1:
is an article full of questions and
very few answers (if any). On Tues-
day, June 8, we had a speaker in our
class prof. hour disa,tssing the APEO. [now
known as PEO - Professional Engineers
Ontario - ai] It was thought that he would
answer questions as to why or when they
would cl1aIlge the system. As it currentIy
stands we need two years experience and
they want to cl1aIlge it to four by 1995, but
that is beside the point for now. I went into
th is discussion fully prepared to join the
APEO, but now I'm not so sure. During
this session I was told what was expected
of a "good little engineer". I was told how
to apply for membership and why I could
be rejected. I was told tIlat I could write the
Ethics exam one year after graduation and
tIlat I should apply ASAP to maximize my
chances of being accepted in this organiza-
tion
Why should I want of be a part of this
organization? I'm sure there is some bene-
fit to it, after all, ahnost everyone applies to
tile organization. I was told that if I didn't
like sometIling about the organization, that
after I was a member, I could make
changes.
I asked if there was someone tI'\at I could
talk to now, to lobby for my causes (ie do
not change the required work experience
time to fours years). I believe that I was
evaded. Telling me that any of 60,000
members would lobby for my cause isn't a
realistic answer. TI\ere has to be a council
set up somewhere who makes these deci-
sions. Why wasn't I told how I could reacl)
this "council" or whatever it is. I don't
think that all 6O,(XX) members meet once a
week to discuss engineering practises in
Ontario a could be wrong however).
My main beef about the presentation is
that this organization, which I had previ-
ously held in high regard, seemed to
accomplish nothing. It is supposed to reg-
ulate engineers and make sure that no bad
engineering is done. J was told that by pin-
ing I would show my support for this con-
cept. I felt that by joining I would open
myself to judgement of my engineering
practises. Who governs people who don't
join and yet perform engineering work?
I was told (by a professor of this univer-
sity no less!) that I could be in serious legal
trouble if a didn't join because I wouldn't
be informed of certain legislation! Does
this mean that the provincial government
only releases information about engineer-
ing legislation to the APEO and its mem-
bers? I don't think so!
I probably sound bitter and cynical, but
in fact I am disappointed and confused.
There have to be benefits to joining the
APEO besides the fact that I aright become
more employable. The APEO cannot
lobby against the government for the bene-
fit of engineers, it cannot give "whistle
blower insurance" to engineers who lose
their jobs because tIley did what was "pro-
fessionally" right! I wish tile gentleman
could have told me the attraction of joining
the organization.
Almost everyone who applies gets in
(after 2 - 4 yrs) and only 4-5 members l'\ave
been kicked out last year a tlUnk he said
last year, It could've been even a longer
period, I'm not sure). TIlis is out 6O,O(X),
members, one tends to wonder about the
effectiveness of such a body. Its benefits
seem few, and its power seems nonexis-
tent. TIle only tiling it seems to do is belittle
us poor slobs who want in after we gradu-
ate!
I'll probably still join tile APEO and I'm
sure there are benefits to membership
(WOrtll $175 maybe), but I wasn't informed
of these during this presentation
o Ask
turing of prisoners is instigated. It happens
gradually, slowly, and subtly.
These countries can be characterized in
some ways. There is a lack of respect for
human life and little restraint on rape, tor-
ture, or murder. Citizens cannot restrain
violent hatred for each other. Citizens are
powerless to affect their leaders. Citizens
are unwilling or unable to stop immoral
There is ... little
restraint on rape,
torture, or murder.
acts of fellow citizens. of the world
situations where violence has erupted on a
widespread scale (ie.r the majority of the
popuJation feels the impact of the violence)
can be characterized with some of the
above traits.
Can this happen in Canada? Is our soci-
ety encouraging morality or is our genera-
tion growing up devoid of values? Is our
society growing more violent or less? Are
individual freedoms being constrained or
upheld. Are we learning mediation or con-
flict? Do citizens control the government
and dictate its actions? Can we or do we
our rights as citizenS in a democra-
tic country. Do we have C()JJ\JDunity values
and standards or are they gradually being
eroded? Olanges and compromises can be
small: together they are disastrOUS-
The xnajority of us are headed into engi-
neering p rofessions were we will be asked
to design, create, build, solve, and fix.
However, the environment in which we
woJi(, study, and live is stable enough that
we can be in a process of developing,
exploring, and advancing, nus cannot be
taken for granted. We must be willing to
invest time and effort not only into our job;
but into the society in which we exist.
We are mandated as citizens to be
always aware of social i<isues, to be think-
ing and questioning the direction our s0ci-
ety is going. What is our justice system like
and hoW' is it administered? What is being
taught in. our schools? What is our govern-
ment involved in? What is happening in
our own communities? We must be will-
ing to resist and protest what we believe is
wrong and affirm and build up what is
right. This is not a far fetched "Humans
can live in peace" rhetoric; this is a plea to
consider the world as a looking glass into
our own country and lives.
ENVIRO-TIPS
Dave Knight
Frog
issue's tips will deal with saving
water
Did you know that only 3% of the
earth' s water is fresh water? Most of
which is frozen in the polar ice caps. This
leaves only about 1% of the total earth's
water supply available for our use.
Household usage is about 5-10% world-
wide, most of which occurs in North
America. On average each person in
North America consumes nearly 200 litres
of water per day at home.
To save water you should:
Put a bottle of water in your toilet tank.
On average each
person in North
America consumes
nearly 200 litres of
water per day
TIlis saves water every time you flush and
since this is the biggest use of household
water it makes sense. Just put a jam jar or
something in the tank. We use a plastic
yogurt container filled with water and a
small rock to keep it from floating. I heard
tImt the Waterloo township gives you bot-
ties for your tank if you go in to get one but
I'm not sure.Turn the tap on briefly to wet
your tooth brush and then turn it off until
you need to rinse your moutIl. Think of
how long you brush your teeth. If you
leave the water running all the time then
you are paying for water that you don't
use.
Keep a bottle of water in the fridge.
Don't run your tap to get a cold glass of
water. Instead keep a bottle in the fridge
and use that Just make sure you refill it
for the next person.
Take a 5 minute shower instead of
lather your hair and lxxiy. This idea was
adopt,. :l for sdf preservat ion as when
someon lsc turns on th wat 'f in may
apartm Itt 1 get bl.a .. <.;ted wit h hot water. I
now jlls t get w ,t, tum th show 'r off, lath-
er up and tll n rinse ff.
Fill your coffee pot after show ring or
the night before if YOll run water to g I rid
of lead in the pipes. This will prevent you
from wasting water if y u run it to get rid
of the lead. If you shower fIrst you will gl.. >t
rid of th lead right away tU'\d not have to
worry.
Put a bowl, coffeepot o r watering can
under a leaky tap. This will collect the
water and you can tIlen use it instead of
letting i t n m down the drain.
Revive the rain barrel I' m trying to get a
barrel that I can put under a drain-spout
on the outside of tile house and then use
for wat e ring the garden TI1..is will save me
money b y allowing me to use "free" water
for my garden.
Use a bucket instead of a hose to wash
your car. A few litres of water in a bucket
will wash the car just as well as spraying
your car constantly with a hose. When it is
time to rinse the car a quick squirt with the
hose wi11 use less tI1aIl a bucket rinse. A1so
if you have a l'\abit of washing your car on
a regular basis, then delay it by a day. If
you wash each week tIlen wash every 8
days instead. This would save 6 washings
a year and even though it may not seen
like a lot, that's about 240480 litres of clean
d:riJlkable water a year.
Environmentally yours,
ENVIROMAN
Page 8
Paul Grodde
W
aterloo Engineers were again
represented at the Formula SAE
competition, held on the May
long weekend at the Ouysler Technology
Center in Auburn Hills, Michigan. The
Formula SAE is a contest is organized by
members of the Society of Automotive
Engineers (SAE). The competition is for
university students and involves design-
ing, building, and driving a race car.
Waterloo's team consisted of 7 students
from Mechanical engineering and 2 from
Systems Design. Waterloo's position in the
final standings will not be in the top ten
thanks to a blown engine on the second
day of the three day event
The first day saw the design competi-
tion, which involves judges going over
every detail of the car, looking for evidence
of good engineering. The cars are limited
The engine red lined
... resulting in a
spectacular cloud of
oily smoke
to 600 cc engines, and most of them,
including Waterloo, are souped up with
fuel injection and turbo chargers. Frame
and designs are evaluated. The
judges also look for innovative use of
materials for such things as intake mani-
folds and body panels. Waterloo scored in
the top 20 in a field of about 70 cars in this
event
The aeoond day saw beautiful sumhine
and the acceleration, skid pad and
autocm;s events. It is here where the real
test of the design begins.
The skid pad test involves driving in a
figure eight as fast as you can without
knocldng over pylons and course officials.
This is a test of the cornering ability of the
car. Waterloo did fairly well in this event
Disaster struck in the acceleration event
The Iron Warrior
Formu;8 SAE
This event involves accelerating from
standstill over a length of 300 feet. On the
second acceleration lUI\ the driver, expect-
ing second gear, gunned the engine.
Unfortunately, due to a problem with the
shifting linkage, the engine was in neutral
The engine red lined and one of the valves
collided with a piston, resulting in a spec-
tacu1ar cloud of oily smoke which drifted
over the test track.
Amazingly, a backup engine was
installed in the car in three hours. A crowd
of onlookers from other schools gathered
around the Waterloo work area to gawk at
the disintegrated piston from the old
engine. Despite the spectators, the Water-
, 100 team managed to get the car in run-
ning order for the "Auto<::ra;s" event later
that day.
The Autocross event consists of a two
timed laps through hairpins and turns
marked by pylons in a parking lot A time
penalty is assessed for
each pylon knocked over. J
The Waterloo car, com- I
plete with a new engine,
just made the time dead-
line to get into the race.
collisions as cars skidded off the track.
Unfortunately, the fuel injection problems
on the new engine went from bad to
worse, and the Waterloo car could not
make it past the fust turn in the event
Other highlights of the event was the
loca.tion itself. the sparkling new Chrysler
Technology Center. Spectators got a
chance to drool over dream cars like the
Dodge Viper and chat it up with engineers
and designers from Ouysler. Team mem-
bers got a tour of the inside of the ultra
modern facility.
The '93 team would not have been able
to compete at all if it were not for the gen-
erosity of sponsors. Some of this years
major sponsors included SKF Canada,
Long Manufacturing, Procter and Gamble,
WEEF, Goodyear Canada, The Gateway
Group, Standard Tube Canada, Competi-
tion Trre, and Schleuter's O\ev 0Ids.
The '93 team have graduated and left
However there was no .......
time to tune the custom
built fuel injection system,
and the car performed
poorly.
On the third day it ..;..,
rained which provided
delayed the final and
biggest event called the
Endurance event. The
purpa;e of this event is to
see if yoor car can make 5
laps of the course without
breaking down. It also
provides the mos.t "thrills
and spills" for the onlook-
ers, as there are about 5
cars on the course at once.
Thanks to a light rain,
there were many impres-
sive wipe outs and near
The Sandford Fleming Foundation
4306 Cart Pollock Hall, University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3G 1
Sandford :Fleming :Foundation Silver Medal Winners
Friday, June 11, 1993
the car in the hands of next years team. The
'94 team hopes to improve the perfor-
mance of the car so that we can be in the
top 10 once again. The competition is very
tough from schools like the University of
Texas at Arlington and Cornell, which
have two of the top cars. Next years c0n-
test is scheduled for May '94 at GM's prov-
ing grounds.
A major challenge this year will be to get
new engines donated to the schooL fund-
ing is always required for such things as
fuel injection development and a proto-
type continuously variable transmission
(C V.T.). This year's team will be contact-
ing potential corporate sponsors for parts

Students who want to get involved with
the SAE are encouraged to join the student
chapter (see Oleryl in Orifice) or drop by
the Formula SAE room in E3.
J.
-
Waterloo Campus Activity
(519) 888-4008
Thirteen silver ffi7dals were given to students from across the eight branches of engineering, at the May 1993 Convocation .
.9lcaaemlc 'tceffence CO-Operative Proficiency
Bryan Craig Price, Cfremica{'Enginuring Dawn Teresa Nigro, Cftemica{'lIgineen'''!J
Theresa M. Passarello, Civif'Enginuring Gregory Roy Frew,
Bradley James Betts, Computer 'Enginun'ng Donald Glen Mac Kinnon Comptl ler 'Drgillun"rg
Serge Lemay, 'Ekc.tricaf'Enginunng Philip John Zwart, '.Mecfwnicof'ltgilleering
Jan K. Krasnodebski, Mecfumica{'Enginuring Edmond T. Chow, Systems 'Design 'lIlJilleen','9
Nixon 0, Systems 'Design 'Enginuring
John Alexander Buyers, (jeowgicaf'Enginuring
Stephen Mark Legault, Management.5denas Option
An organization devoted to the advancement of engineering education
, 4
Friday, June 11, 1993 The Iron Warrior
Page 9
Midni ht Sun Update
Mark Harnett
T:
Midnight Sun is a solar powered
racing car that is being built as a uni-
versity wide project to compete in
Sunrayce '93 against 35 other universities
from across North America The competi-
tion consists of a grueling 7 day, 1600 kilo-
meter race from Dallas, Texas to Mfu-
neapolis, Minnesota. The race is intended
to educate those working on the car as to
how to function efficiently as a teaIl\ as
well as teaching the engineering principles
in the building of the car. TIle event will
also be highly publicized, and the general
public will learn about some of the applica-
tions of solar and battery technology.
Since April exams ended a hard core
group of eight team members have been
working full time to complete the car in
time for the race . In early May the aero-
body of the car was mated with the frame
for the first time and displayed at the
Canadian Solar Olallenge at the Universi-
ty of Western Ontario. Our competition
was there in the form of McGill and
Queen's and they looked good The sight
of their can; spurred the Waterloo team on
to even greater efforts. The suspension was
redesigned to handle the expected wear
MIDNIGHT SUN
and tear that will be encountered on con- the car is now in the final stages of testing
crete and W. Earti this 1Veek ,if you
ere oin'the East Campus iJhll f>arking
lot Jnl the early]hours Of tJr. you
'may have seen the eM's three wheeled
frame racing around pylons at over SO kph
during testing (yes the car can run at night
on batteries!).
The budget for the Midnight Sun is on
the order of $100,00:>, not all of which has
been raised yet. Although this budget may
sound large, Michigan reportedly spent 1.6
Million on their car last year and won the
race!! They bought a large portion of the
world supply of space grade solar cells and
batteries for $800 000. They also had a
semi-truck with a full machine shop in the
back!
This year the playing field has been lev-
eled somewhat and all Ule cars must use
terrestrial grade solar cells and lead acid
batteries, thereby ensuring that the race
can't be bought What we are trying to fig-
ure out is what Michigan can spend their
extra million on this year?? The Midnight
Sun is still trying to raise money, and if you
would like to help T-shirts are available in
the Orifice for the low price of $10.
The culmination of this 2 year project is
near. By the morning of Saturday the 12th,
the efforts of over 100 students will have
been finalized into a fully functioning solar
powered race car. The race runs from jwle
20th to 26 and will be highly publicized.
Watch for Waterloo out in front!!
Hygienic Tissue Spews Something Funny? What am I,
Your Clown? Andrew Netherton
1 B Mechanical
E
newspaper is a rather interesting
conglomeration of articles. It (X)1\-
tains everything from well-
resean:hed, in-depth, informative articles
to random literary jello like this. I have to
wonder, however, which articles your
average Paul and Paula Plumber enjoy the
most I have a feeling pure reading enjoy-
ment (minty, spearmint, or otherwise)
varies inversely with the amount of effort
put iIi to each article.
Sure, being informed about the adminis-
tration's policies, the new co-op system,
WPIRG, or how your class can extract
bizillions of P"5 from EngSoc is all fine
and good, but it just doesn't tickle your
fancy to read such articles. (Or maybe it
does - who am I to say?) I believe that the
most enjoyable experience article-wise is
reading something that has absolutely no
relevance, deep metaphysical meaning,
context, repercussions, or plot In short, the
inane subjects that English majors (or any
self-respecting journalist) wouldn't bother
to soil their hands with.
Take, for example, the fact that when
you blow your nose (or at least when I
blow my nose), the I<leenex you are using
disintegrates under hearty blowing, leav-
ing a patch of murus-Iaden tissue fuzz on
your chest It never fails to happen, and
seems to happen more often when you're
wearing dark colours that would expose
the fact that such fuzz is on your chest
more easily. Being mucus-laden, and all
but atomized and ionized, it stid<s to your
shirt like a gummie bear that has been
sucked on too long on a piece of paper,
making your efforts of brushing it away
mostly w;eless, and fairly unsuccessful
Maybe the tissue manufacturers are
fully cognisant of this phenomenon. and
are waiting until public outay is so great
that instead of reformulating their secret
I<leenex mixture, they will start marketing
bibs expressly for the purpose of protect-
ing your clothing from used tissue all-out
Such bibs may lake the fum of maxipad-
like devires, that are really thin and com-
fortable, and are self-adhesive. Just slap
one on, blow your nose all you want, and
dispose of it cii.screetly.
Of course, all this stems directly from the
fact that one's nose points down. Were
this not true, I would not be here com-
plaining about low tensile strength and
blast-resistance in hygienic tissue. Unfortu-
nately, there is no other configuration for
our noses that would be A) aesthetic and
B) functional Consider nostrils that point
straight out Just the fact that you would
be able to see down everyone's nose is
enough to make me discard that idea.
Upwards? No, as glasses would constantly
be glazed, and hair permanently fixed
pointing straight up during flu and cold
season. Sideways might work, but glasses
would have to look pretty darn funky to
work on such a honker.
Maybe the nose should be relocat-
ed altogether. Under the chin? No.
That would make shaving for men
that much more hellish. ("Gee Bob,
did you nick your nose again this r-......
morning?") On top of the head?
Sony, but I don't want to be sticking
a brush up my nose, or having Pert
Plus drain down into my'sinuses.
My point is made. Not all articles
are amusing, and not all are relevant
TIle two are not mutually exclusive,
but I find that actual content and
humour value are not linearly relat-
ed. But I'Illet you decide for yourself.
I mean, would you really listen to
someone with Kleenex fuzz all over
their shirt?
Terry "Guffaw Is not 8 real word" Woo
3ASystems
S
I accastaf in hall by
fellow, see? A nice fellow. Anyways,
ne complained that I wrote too much
stuff in the Iron Warrior, and all of it was too
serious. In an attempt to boost my humour
output, he gave me a speech about how
hwrour was valuable to life. ''Everyore must
laugh," he explained, "or the world would
shrivel away, a dry, uninteresting husk"
Hmmmm.
Okay.I'Ugiveitatzy.
10 Reasons Why the IW Isn't as Funny
TheseDi)'B
10) Engineers aren't funny.
9) That's what we have pb for.
8) They're not ?lying me erough to be funny.
(Now, if you DOUBLE my salary from
what it is now, I might tMs in a blonde pke
here and there).
7) I haven't been drinking enough this term.
6) Gas price; are edging the OO-cent mark in
TUOIdo.
5) It wouldn't be oonsistmt with the EngineEr-
ing image. Speaking of which, our new
seri on "Computer Data Structure DSgn
for Maintenance and Pun" starts next issu
4) What is humour except an of
one's inner child? We're all grown ups
here, right?
3) Because life is merely an empty void, cir-
cling around a void that encompasses a
very large void. All is meeningJe;s. We are
loot.
2) What am L your down? Am I pst a pup-
pet, to perfonn for your entertainment?
Huh? Is that it? Huh?
1) TIle N.J sees no need to dominate the
Enginewsletter in yet another literary
Qltegory.
Page 10 The Iron Warrior
Friday, June 11, 1993
If You Think You're Anti-Racist, Read This
Terry "<Speechless. Truly.
Almost.>" Woo
3ASystems
O
y, so, like, you know, RacisI1l
'ght? Yeah, racism. What el<;e can
I say about it, really? It's a bad
thins Yeah.
So, like, skinheads, right? Racists. Gath-
ered in K-W last week, I think. I don't
know; being in school removes you from
reality, sort of. You know what I mean.
So what the heD am I writing about?
Why am I writing this article? No, leather-
clad Nazi's didn't burn a cro;s on my front
lawn. No, I didn't get beat up by a group
of white-robed Klansmen. No, I didn't
have some fat, beer-guzzling, lumber-jack-
et wearing redneck hurl racial epithets at
me from his Bronco 4 x 4.
Here's the Situation: I go to Gill's on Sat-
urday night, right? With a friend, who also
happens to be Oriental. Go figure.Any-
way, we're working our way through a
pitcher and a massive platter of Nacho's,
watching the Canadiens pound the Kings,
who eventually caught up. So this drunk
young man, neatly dressed, walks up and
starts chatting. Nothing serious ... "What's
the score?", "Gretzky get any points?",
'1'm a Bruins fan. .. ", etc, etc
Well, all of a sudden he asks about our
racial background. No big deal; I was a lit-
tle starued, but I answered that I was Ou-
nese, sort of. No problem; it's happened
before - it's disconcerting, but that's all
right
He talks about the Nazi gathering that
happened last week. He talks about how
they should be outlawed, arrested, and
shot He talks about how he believes Cana-
da is a great country; if you're black, white,
purple or sequined, if you'll add to this
country, he's all for you. He talks about
people who don't believe this should be
killed. He mentions that if he runs into a
white supremacist, he'll kill hin\ no com-
punction
Very logical, right? I mean, I certainly
went to a sports bar to end up discussing
about morality and racism. Sure, that's
what I had in mind; that's what everybody
has in mind.
I mention to him that I disagree. These
groups are wrong, but if you outlaw them,
you're writing a blank cheque to outlaw a
lot of other organizations - freedom of
expression and all that. I mention that
these groups are fringe, nothing more: they
are too extreme to be taken seriously. I
mention that it's the c1a;et racists - the ones
who don't dress up, who look like nonnal,
reasonable people, who promote their
hatred in a reasonable-sounding way, that
we should really concenbate 01\ not these
HHEY, LOOK AT
ME!!! I'M NOT A
RACIST!!! I'M
NOT!!!"
crazies. I mention that it's the university
students - "intelligent" people - who write
racial slurs on study carrels, that we should
truly fear.
He disagrees vehemently. He berates
my friend (who is doing a slow burn) and I
for our "apathy". Ho ho. He goes on -
about how his father fought in the war
against the Nazi's to eradicate this sort of
thing, about how apathetic attitudes such
as ours promotes holocausts, about how
he's got a History degree and how he
understands these things. (Of course, me
being a minority AND a sthooooopid
engineer, I certainly have no grasp of the
situation)
He repeats that he would kill a white
supremacist, with little regret I mention
that we are coming from different direc-
tions, and he leaves to go to the wasruoom
My friend mentions that it was odd that
he came up to us, the only two minorities
in the bar, and talked about this racism
thing - why not the Caucasian dudes sit-
ting next to us? He comes back. and I men-
tion this to him.
He says he talks about this to everyone.
Mmmm hmmm. I repeat that we are com-
ing from two very different directions, and
we leave.
He was a Wilfred Laurier student Politi-
cal Science. Probably not stupid; probably
not stupid at all
Immediate Analysis: He was drunk. He
was babbling. He was coming from a
moral direction . .sort of. One that I can cer-
tainly agree with at a certain level.
My Options:
1) Let it go. He was drunk.
2) Don't let it go.
My 0I0ice: If2..
Comments? Fuck you.
You unaware, moralistic, insecure bas-
tani ... FUCK YOu. You fucking well keep
your politically-correct brand of morality,
because you obviously have NO fucking
clue as to what ANYTHING racism is
about
You say you want to wipe this thing out,
and yet you single my friend and lout to
reaffirm your rightness, your own twisted
sense of self - because we're Oriental.
"HEY, LOOK AT ME!!! I'M NOT A
RAOSf!!! I'M Nan!!" The HELL you're
not. If you're opinion happened to be
oppooite, the one that I DON'T agree with.
YOU would be the problem, the closet-
racist, the Klansman wrapped in a nice
suit, charming smile and a University
degree.
You are not part of the solution; you are
part of the problem. You obviously have
no understanding of this. Therefore, I
choose no longer to communicate with
you. I will not try to make you understand
- you are not worth the effort. Your heart
may be in the right place, but you're brain
is out in left field. In fact, I seriously doubt
you have one.
Go away.
Kill a Nazi., and get arrested. That's two
less racists I have to worry about
I want to enjoy myself, okay? I want to
sit down, have a beer, and watch a hockey
game, like any other CANADIAN guy,
without having to run into a political dis-
cussion motivated by the colour of my
skin. I think I'm entitled to that right, really
I do.
But I suppose that's too much to ask.
Sigh.
Make Your Statement Against
Racism!
H
tred and fear are on the rise in
Waterloo Region. A new chapter
f the white-supremist group, the
Heritage Front, is being organized in this
community. They are propagating hate
and targeting your neighbours and
friends. Jews, people of colour, and anti-
racists are facing harassment and assault
These racist motivated activities must not
be met with silence.
Silence is consent . .DEMONSIRA 1'!
The Heritage Front will be holding a
recruitment "rock concert" on June 11 or
12. Join other community members in
demonstrating that Waterloo Region is for
diversity and tolerance and against white
bigotry. Demonsbators will be picketing
the Heritage Front's recruitment location,
the former European Sound Imports
store, 109 King St West, Kitchener.
Wed.,June94t06pm
Thu., June 10 4 to 6 pm
Fri.,Junell 4to6pm
Sat, June 12 4 to 6 pm (if necessary)
Choice of placards available or bring
your own (B.Y.O.P.)!
Leif Me
Alone
Andrew Netherton
1 B Mechanical
E
ver have someone you know
expressly tell you not to do some-
thing? Ever had your life threatened
if you v ~ consider doing that something?
It seems to be quite a common phenome-
non, wouldn't you say?
Well, I have not been threatened in any
way, shape, or form. So one may ask
exactly what my point is, and if I actually
have one. Well, of course I do you silly
rabbit
I believe that to make life truly interest-
ing, one must live on the edge. Don't get
me wrong - I'm not saying you should go
skydiving everyday between alligator
wrestling and hunting down Amazon
women to tell blond jokes to - just make
life worth living. So do yourself and tlle
world around you a favour. Every day,
wake up, smile, and antagonize someone.
Friday, June 11,1993
The Iron Warrior
Co-op Q& A
W
ith the new ro<>p system being
implemented, there are many
common questions students
have.
Q. The time &arne for job postings and
resume submittal is too tighL How can
anyone be expected to custom make
resumes between Ipm and llam the
next day?
A Through discussions with student
representatives, the committee on con-
tinuous placement has decided that
implementing a two-day time frame
would be more reasonable. TIlis should
be in place by next term.
Q. What's to stop people from falsifying
their academic record?
A Falsifying academic records or sub-
mitting false credentials are considered
academic offences and will be treated as
sudl.
"Academic offences shall include,
but shall not be limited to, the fol-
lowing: ... Falsifying academic
records, including tests and exami-
nations or submitting false creden-
tials for purposes of gaining
admission to a program or course,
or for any other purpose."
(page 2, Student Academic Disci-
pline Policy #7l)
Checks are implemented in the new
system and, if caught, the student will
face a penalty as determined by the
Associate Dean of Engineering. In talk-
ing with the Associate Dean, Dr. Schnei-
der, regarding the penalty to be
incurred, at the very minimum the stu-
dent will be suspended, and for flagrant
changes such as whiting out or changing
a mark the penalty will be expulsion. In
other faculties, a student was suspended
and another expelled for this offense.
Q. How can I look at job postings after
they have been taken down?
A. Job pootings are kept in binders in the
Career Resource Centre and are avail-
able to look at TI\ere are four copies of
these binders.
Q. Is there a way of checking interviews
rom. off campus.
A No. The answering machine of previ-
ous terms is burnt out. With the new
system, interview schedules and last
minute infonnation will be available
online. A recommendation for an inter-
im solution until the online system ,
comes into effect has been made.
Q. What are the co-op figut'e5 like for
thistenn?
A As of May 31, there were 1801 stu-
dents participating in interviews and
1272 jobs available. Soliciting for jobs is
done daily and the jobs available are
expected to increase.
Q. I don't think that Mr, Ms, Miss etc.
and our birthdate should be present on
our academic records. They are irrele-
vant and could unnecessarily bias the
employers.
A A recommendation has been made to
the Registrar's office to remove these
fields from the transaipts for the pur-
pooes of co-op.
Q. How is the on-line implementation
being planned and with what features?
A The on-line implementation of the ro-
op system is part of a University initia-
tive to improve student access to infor-
mation. Student's lnfonnation Systems
Project (SISP) is a long term project
designed to be interactive and provide
students with the ability to perform
most administrative tasks on-line. The
co-op system is the first portion of this
project
Features of the new system include:
on-line access to job desaiptions, inter-
view sclledules etc.
scheduling conflict avoidance
- conflicts will be avoided as much as
My Roommate Has Gills
possible taking into account conflicting
interview times, employer availability
and class and exam scl\edules.
convenience
- daily trips to Needles Hall will be
avoided unless applying to jobs or
attending interviews
An approximate timeline of events is as
follows:
Sept 1993: Main scheduling system taking
into account timetables and exam sched-
ules should in lace.
Nov. 1993: Pilot of student access (possibly
through terminals at NH, still to be
decided)
Jan. 1994: Implementation of remainder of
system including management and
administrative tools, job offers etc
May 1994: Addition of remaining mod-
ules for system enhancement.
The system software should be at an
operational level by January 1994. The
problem is then hardware implementa-
tion. Concerns have been raised regarci-
"lH/$ VIA'S MY'
FlCl.. HE Wt\S Jdsr ONE
1He S-rIC,K
F.GURE.S INUA8jTa-t>
PAGes oc=' IW-
!'if CAME 1'0 Vw FoR..
CWGalNIe:GR1Nl2 I5fCAlJSe.
HIS .... TO 8E.
FROM AL.1..
THE 6F H'S
HE \,5 ABOIJT TO J.1AKE: A
NOW .....
HO ME. '/IL.i.A' &

Page 11
ing the lack of computing facilities and
dial-in access lines. The Operations
Department is aware of this problem
and is working in conjunction with the
faculties to develop a viable solution.
Dave Thomas, Operations Administra-
tor is the Co-operative Education Repre-
sentative responsible for the implemen-
tation of the on-line system. Further
questions or comments may be made
through the SAC rep or to Mr. Thomas.
Q. Now that services have decreased
and fees have not, what am I paying
for?
A. Due to time restrictions, a complel>
budg t breakdown was not available for
this issue. It will appall' in U)e next issu'
of the Iron Warrior. 1 you can't wait,
contact the SAC rep through U1e Orifice
for further d tails.
A copy of the Audited University FUWl-
cial Statement is available from tile Arts
Reserve desk at the Dana Porter Ubrary,
call ntunber LE3.w1931992.
by Bob Hum IB Mechanical
..... ".r '" or ... 'f
Page 12 The Iron Warrior
Friday, June 11,1993
TECHNO-SCUNT
._-------_. __ ._---------------- ---- - --------- -
,.
friday, June 11, 1993
Page 13
The Iron Warrior
Arts for Engineering - Go Figure
Terry "Ne<Hndustrial Thrash Grunge" Woo
3A Systems
M
chMusic ("The Nation's Music
Station") had a special presenta-
'on on the other night - ''Too
MUch For Much?" - a discussion panel-
tyPE show that presented certain videos
deemed too offensive by the Moses and
the gang for regular video circulation.
Besides being extremely GeraIdo (sorry,
filling 90% of the audience with S&M
tyPS and priests, many in full costume,
does not constitute an accurate sample
space), the show managed to disappoint in
several other ways.
The first "offensive" video was by the
Nine Inch Nails, off Trent's sort-of new
album ''Broken''. The video for "Happi-
ness in Slavery" (an excellent "song", if
you could call it that - very aggressive,
angry and industrial) was shot at a cost of
$55 <XX). But that's not the clincher.
The song is apparently about modem
music artists and their seemingly willing
submission to the will of the all-powerful
record company. Trent (Reznor) apparent-
ly wanted to parallel this with the
metaphor of consensual S&M, with a focus
on the victim's (participant's???) relation-
ship with the machine - you know, creativ-
i!y being ripped apart by record produc-
ers, with total consensus from the artist
long as the cheques keep coming in - a
common issue in the music industry.)
The video starts off with a man, in a
business suit, descending into a dungeon
with a terrifying dentist-chair-like contrap-
tion in the middle. He strips naked and
sits down, at which point the machines
take over. The chair binds hi.m. and pro-
ceeds to insert nails into his wrist. Then
another mechanical arm springs with a
spikey ?!?!?!?!?!? attached, about to do God
knows what
At this point, Denise Donlan cut the pre-
sentation there and then, citing the graphic
content of the rest of the video. She also
mentions (disgusted expression on her
face) that the video continues on the same
lines until the man is disembowelled and
killed.
Now, I'm sure everyone has been "cen-
sorshipped.-out", it being a really cool topic
to talk about and all that I won't bore you
with personal blanket statements on the
moral quandaries of censorship vs. free-
dom of expression I WIlL however, tell
you what I think about this particular case:
1) MuchMusic should have played the
entire video. Stopping it about a minute in
prevents the audience from making their
own accurate evaluation on its offensive-
ness, and took away from the credibility of
Look Ma! I'm a Critic!
John Campbell
XSClv
Mkkhger. WaruieriI]g Spirit
The.first song I heard off this album was
"Don't Tear Me Up". It's all right, nothing
special. but it grows on you. Being an avid
radio listener, I soon heard some more
tracl<s. Before I finally bought it, I had
heard seven different songs (wow) - that's
half of the album! OveralL Jagger's third
solo effort really flows. There are a couple
songs that are kind of mellow, which is
fine if you like mellow. I do sometimes.
"Use Me" is a really funky duet with
Lenny Kravitz, which features a good sax-
ophone solo. 'Three tracks feature Flea on
bass from the Red Hot Chili Peppers
(Gawd, this guy's everywhere - Movies,
C tn
CD c:
..c CD
3:


....,
ca
t --
J:
CD


....,
...
as ca
::J:
.c
-
t-
Vogue magazine, Primus video ... ). Basical-
ly what I'm trying to say is there's really
good instrumentation on this album; sax,
hawaiian guiIar, fiddle, piano, guiIars, etc.
Being a musician myself, this is nice to see.
I read most of the lyrics, and either I'm
not too bright or they don't make a whole
lot of sense - probably both. But that's all
right It's rock and roll, it's not supposed to
make sense. But it sounds good, and it's an
enpyable listen (regardless of volume). Of
course, loud is always good.
So, should you buy it? That's up to you
If you like anything Jagger's done in the
past, I'm sure this will please your ears.
Good 01' Mick's voice is still holding out
Not bad for a man his age How old is he
anyway? (He even looks good too - see
liner photo> care of Annie Leibovitz (Fash-
ion Television anyone?). But what is it with
the bedroom scenes Mick?)
The only thing I can't figure out is how
Mid<, Keith and Ron can all put out excel-
lent solo efforts but can't do much together
(Steel Wheels, anyone?).
On a scale of one to five, I give it four
and a half spatulas.
AHH!
L .. -- " _ ... _---._---- ._-- --.'-_. _.- .. ----_._---. __ .... __ .
i
-
their decision to ban it
2) Filling the audience with pe0-
ple with more extreme views is a sta-
tistical sin Comments from members 0
the S&M community and the religious
community, though completely valid and
does merit attention, does not give an
accurate view of what the population in its
entirety thinl<s about the situation
3) Focusing on the consensual S&M
aspect of the video creates an erroneous
view of what the creator intended the
video to mean, at least in my opinion. I
think that Trent is a very angry and bitter
guy about a lot of things (if you don't
agree, listen to ''Pretty Hate Machine" clos.-
er). To express his anger using this partic-
ular metaphor is creative and rather
appropriate, though the actual metaphor
itself is enough to make the oatmeal hit the
wall when I think about it.
4) I agree with MuchMusic's overall
decision to ban the video. Unfortunately, I
didn't get an opportunity to back this opin-
ion up with hard reality. Even so, I could
imagine what would have come next, and
I think that even though the video present-
ed the artist's view in a very powerful
manner, that sort of thing is likely to be
misunderstood by most commercial view-
ers, and potentially damaging to younger,
more easily influenced viewers. (Even




though I
know 0/ -
myself to be C
fairly de-sensi- 0-1-.... '!J.
tized to a lot of things, -'?
the medium of the mes- :.to
sage really sickens me.)
Trent made the video with
the full expectation that it would
never be played on commercial tele-
vision. This is good; apparently, there
won't be any unpleasantness over "Free-
dom of Expression" on his part. However,
"Happiness in Slavery" is just another fas-
cinating example, among a multitude of
unique examples, of what we have to deal
with as a society defining morals in the
1990's.
Next issue: "An alien came down,
stunned me, and kidnapped my weed
whacker".
Upcoming Events
leny "tie's Chinese, what does he know about music" Woo
3ASystems
or $42..50.
The Great Canadian Party. July 1st.
Van Halen, Kim Mitchell. Alannah Myles,
E
Joo1cs 10 be a summer 01 great ewnts 11QfIt Bobcat GoJdthwaile. Molson Auic In
and goings-on. and here I am at schooL Barrie. Tickets are $35.
h, woe! How could the gods have CFNY Edgefest. July 1st. Crash Vegas,
done this to me, relegated me to this god- Ginger (former Grap of Wrath), 13
forsaken academic hell when life is burst- Engines, Sara Craig, Shadowy M n. the
ing with excitement and really wild things Waltons, hHead - lots and lots more.
around me? Ontario P1are Forum. Tickets are 10.20 or
For thcx;e of you who are less occupied, $17.50.
you might want to taste the "hep haps" Ned's Atomic Dustbin July 2 Ontario
going on. Just make sure you stop in the PlareForum. TiCketsare$14.50or$24.50.
DASL lab [that's reltind that mysterious door LoUapalooza '93. July 10. Alice in
labelled "SYSTEMS DESIGN UNDER- Chains, Arrested Developmetlt, Dinosaur
GRAD lAB" from POETS - M] to say Jr., Front 242 - the ouly one that really mat-
hi, or at least pull my body down from the ters. Molson Park in Banie. Tickets are
rafters. $33.50. Return transportation $15.
The DuMaurier Jazz festival June 2h - Spin Doctors, et a1. See EngSoc Adver-
July 4. Various jazz artists, quartets, qttin- tisments for details.
tets, sextets, etc., etc. Various locations - Just Another Roadside Attraction July
Molson Place, Pheonix Concert Theatre, 2irZl. Midnight Oil, Trngically Hip, Hot-
Rot Thomson Hall, etc, etc. Tickets for house Flowers, Daniel Lanois - many
various groups and events range from $10 more. Markham Fairgrounds a think).
to $55. T1ckets are $32..50 or $42..50.
Peter Gabriel. June 26. SkyDome
sucky venue, I know). Tlckets are $32.50: = 3?'
. ==z=z:;
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Page 14
The Iron Warrior Friday, June 11, 1993
The One Article in This Issue About the
Toronto Maple Leafs
Teny "tie's Chinese, what does he know about hockey" Woo
3A Systems
N
ow that the brouhaha over the
Leafs has died down, I figure this
would be a good time to retro-
spect the glorious climb made by this team
over the year. Not that anyone paid all that
much attention to the sixty-odd gamesj it's
the last few regular season games and the
playoffs everyone knows anything about
Sure, they loot, but wasn't it a great run? I
certainly enjoyed it I estimate that alone,
through the entire span of the playoffs, I
figure I ingested about 10 pitchers, 4 Jarge
pizzas, 5 baf;; of "Cool Ranch" chips and
an oven-baked quail. I logged over 16
hours in the Bombshelter and GiB's, in
... 10 pitchers, 4 large
pizzas, 5 bags of
'''Cool Ranch" chips
and an oven-baked
quail.
total.
And they sm.L lost!!!!!
Okay, it's still buly incredible how much
the Leafs have changed ever since old man
Ballard kicked it For a while there, I fig-
ured that the old guy's curse would once
again engulf the team in a grey quagmire
of misery and mediocrity.
, CLEAN'
\.I"
THE
/I
But then, God smiled on the Toronto
Maple Leafs. Lepers were healed, floods
subsided, and the Leafs, for the first time in
a good two decades, once again became
the toast of Toronto.
How?
1) Oiff Retcher. Man, this guy's genius
and business savvy matches Robert
Campeau in his prime. It was he that
fleeced former protege turned goat Doug
Riseborough for that spectacular trade
with Calgary that brought Dougie
Gilmour, Grant Fuhr and a surprisingly
promising Kent Manderville in town, in
exchange for ... um. . .some other guys. Gosh
darn it, I can't seem to remember their
names.
He also brought goal scoring aficianado
Dave Andreychuk over from Buffalo for
Grant Fuhr, sure to have been picked up
for zilch by Anaheim in the expansion
draft. He was wise enough to have faith in
Felix Potvin - a risk that VERY FEW other
general managers would take if they had
Fuhr on the bench as welL
And Toronto's future looks pretty good
with their two first roWld draft picks in
one of the best draft years the NHL has
ever seen. Damn, that guy is good.
2) Coaching. Now come on; you can't
tell me that you Leaf fans didn't hate Pat
Burns when he was with Les Habs, can
you? Bums, with his smug coaching
expression, coaching a smug team with a
smugly-defensive playing style in a smug
LAUNDROMAT IN
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Loads 0' C"lean Funl
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city that treats post season play in a smug-
ly off-handed manner (noll. theCanadiens
are in the playoffs. . .again. .. of COUISe, what
did you expect? . .Excuse me, I have to get
an expresso").
Well. he's our smug bastard now. Sorry
- a brilliant smug bastard, who can moti-
vate a rock or Todd Gill into playing well
(only the rock makes fewer mistakes).
Truly, with this guy in town for at least 3
more years, the Cup has to make a stop
Doug Gilmour ... his
face looks like it's
been run through Mr.
and Mrs. Clark's
harvest combine
here. Goddammit, it's a GIVEN.
3) Doug Gilmour. Boy, his face looks
like it's been run through Mr. and Mrs.
Clark's harvest combine, dunnit? Twice.
Anyway, Gilmour (no one really calls him
Killer, do they?) has been eating lots of
pasta and playing like a man possessed for
the long haul Tough, feisty, defensive,
offensive and extremely clever, Gilmour
really ties together everything you'd ever
want in a hockey player, or at least as
much as you could get in a 160 pound
package. He's a wonder.
4) Felix Potvin. Boy, his face looks like
it's been run through a buttermilk wash,
dunnit? Three times a day. Anyway,
Potvin (no one really calls him Cat, do
they?) has been absolutely stellar in net
during the playoffs. Sure, Fuhr outshined
him in Buffalo early on, but who got to the
conference final? And he's only 21!!! I
don't know about you, but this makes me
feel old
5) The Rookies. The Leafs really have
cultivated a super crop 0' young'uns in the
minors. Mike Eastwood, Kent Man-
derville, Yannick Pereault, Damian Rhodes
in net .. the futures so bright, I gotta wear
shades.
6) Beer. Don't see the connection?
Here, let me explain ..
Beer = Good A lot of people like beer.
Many people It tickets (in order to drink
beer and watch the Leafs, instead of just
watch the Leafs). Beer = Molson's = Good
= VERY GOOD. Tickets + Beer Sales +
Souvenir sales to fans in a drunken frenzy
= $$$$$$$$ = a good shot at lots of free
agents in the coming years = Stanley Cup,
hopefully. (Well, it almost worked for the
Kings).
I'm sure there are a lot of other factors. If
you think you have anything to add on the
Leafs remarkable climb to respectability, or
I don't know what the hell I'm talking
about and want me to know that, don't
hesitate to jot down your opinions and
submit them to the IW for publication
I
CAMPUS SHOP
I
In the Campus Centre Mall
T-shirts
Rugby Shirts
Sweat Shirts
Nylon Jackets
Leather Jackets
Gym Shorts
Sweat Pants
Tank Tops
Wann-Up Jackets with Custom Lettering
All crested and non-crested items
available in a variety of
colours and sizes .
Best Prices on Fruit of the Loom in Town!!!
Open Every Weekday
10' - 4:30
Campus Shop - Another Federation of Students service

Friday, June 11, 1993
The Iron Warrior Page 15
Today's
Terry -I'm not a witch; please don't bum me" Woo
3A Systems
Capricorn
Advice. Your inner self is emerging;
head it off at the pass and ambush it with a
good-sized club. Post-hypnotic sugges-
tions work well this month. Stay away
from rabid animals. Your mother loves
YOlL
Lucky Love Days: June 12th, August
18th, nights of November when there is a
full moon
Lucky Word Processing Font: Times
Roman, 12pt
Lucky Substances: Rubber, Brown He&-
sian Wall Weave, Play-Doh.
Virgo.
Advice. Accept yourself for who you
are, not what kind of omlettes you like to
make. Bank cards will behave differently
some days; pawn CD's if you need money.
You are completely insane.
Lucky Love Days: 12:25 am, January
3rd,2013.
Lucky Word Processing Font: New
Century Schoolbook
Lucky Substances: Wind ex, Crayola
aayon wax. Head cheese.
Aquarius.
Advice. Time is but a figment of your
over-active imagination - ignore it and it
will just keep going. Part< benches are
warmer this time of year. Your friend
needs a cook; go to her with an open mind
and open heart.
Lucky Love Days: 1996.
Lucky Word Processing Font: Avant
Garde, only in bold format
Lucky Substances: Loeb Cola.
Cancer.
Advice. Stay away from men with odd
facial twitches. You find that psycho-sexu-
a1 dysfunctions are not conducive to stable
relationships.
Do not fence on Saturdays.
Lucky Love Days: Ouistmas Day, 1941.
Lucky Word Processing Font Book-
man
Lucky Substances: Aluminum foil, Old
Taco Bell wrappers.
Gemini.
Advice. Broken bones mend in time; be
patient. Do not buy cattle this month.
Under no circumstances should you sell
your soul to Satan, unless you are guaran-
teed complete world-domination .
Lucky Love Days: Every day. Don't tire
yourself out
Lucky Word Processing Font: You
won't need one (see above).
Lucky substances: Tupperware, Telluri-
um.
Libra.
Advice. Hearing aids prove ineffective
in large hockey arenas, at least on Thurs-
days. Liberal Democrats prove to you they
aren't so bad after all. Now is the perfect
time to pick up Esperanto.
Lucky Love Days: None. Everyone
hates you.
Lucky Word Processing font: 2apf
Chancery, 14pt
Lucky Substances: Mineral water, Lego,
Human flesh.
Flower-Planting Bob
... I Nuc. the. ... t-o ....
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, bl ,.
1(f'q'ulII <..
)
oroscope
Taurus.
Due to an astrological error, your star
was mistaken with a Nike-2eus missle
accidentally sent into orbit by a fringe ter-
rorist organization My profound apolo-
gies.
Aries.
Avoid people with names that start with
1<; you've only begun to recover emotion-
ally - why rip open old scabs? A friend
you've made recently turns out to be an
advance scout for a Venusian invasion
force. Fish don't have hair.
Lucky Love Days: Any day with a 3 in
it Sunny days.
Lucky Word Processing Font Helvetica;
New York if working in areas of high seis-
mic activity.
Lucky Substances: Zippo lighter fluid.
Pisces.
ylon walle are passe; inquire
replacement Franz Kafka's writings bear
incredible relevance to your life this
month, particu1ary on Tuesdays. Do not
murder anyone without a good reason.
Lucky Love Days: Yesrerday.
Lucky Word Processing Font Courier.
Lucky Substances: Ether, "Yoo Hoo"
chocolate drink, Ka;her meats.
Sagittarius.
Advice. Life is a meaningless, empty
exercise in futility. Nothing has quality or
value. We are all mere shells enclosing a
spiritual void. We are loot
Lucky Love Days: Irrelevant
Lucky Word Processing font: Irrelevant
Lucky Substances: Irrelevant.
Leo.
You h.we absolutely no reason to wear
green this month - stop it. Try harder to
understand why rock formations fonn the
way they do. The alchemy profession
looks poised for a comeback.
Lucky Love Days: None. What is love,
anyway?
Lucky Word Processing Font Aardvark
(obscureCorelDRAW! font).
Lucky Substances: Rice wine, Polyester,
Rabbit fur.
Scorpio.
Ireland has no relevance to your life this
month; just let it go. Avoid Elements 16
through 38; they'll just hurt you for no
good reason For some inexplicable rea-
son, you are attracted to men with wooden
legs.
Lucky Love Days: Depends on your
proximity from the waterfront
Lucky Word Processing Font You find
that word processing stifles psychic
growth and switch to pen and paper.
Lucky Substances: Kryptonite, Any-
thing with custard in it
Todays Birthday.
Under no circumstances have a tattoo
given to you by one- 'yed men named
Bruno. Love will fmd its wny 80m tim
next month; do n t have any major opera-
tions performed before this tim . Salads
arc mad more interesting with carrot
shavings. You discover you are actually a
small goat
by Andrew Netherton IB Mechanical
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h'_
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