The Big, Red Issue

------------------------------------- -- -- ~ - - ---------.
The Computer Revolution
A Video Series Sponsored by
The Centre for Society, Technology and Values
11 :30 - 12:30 pm
DC 1302
HIGH SPEED/HIGH PERFOR
MANCE
(15 June)
The program covers the new horizons
being opened by computer technology:
Synchronizing a multitude of sounds
across large distances, computer graph-
ics utilizing as possible 167 million
different colours, computer simulation of
everything from air flow around an
automobile to entire imaginary cities.
The program also shows how a comput-
er actually processes data.
DATA AS POWER
(22 June)
Information has become the key tool in
the battle for survival and success.
Fishermen and farmers sit in front of
computer screens to learn where the
fish are biting, the latest price of grain,
the harvest forecast. Computer imaging
and printing have speeded up the dis-
semination of information; other
processes disseminate information via
satellite and fibre optic lines as quickly
as it is received. There is no data to
suggest that people are understanding
more -- only that they are receiving more
information. In the medical field comput-
ers offer the ability to match diseases
with cures, and those in need of
specieal treatment with those able to
provide it.
THE NEXT FRONTIER
(29 June)
. How will p e o p l ~ and computers work
together into the future? Ufe without
computers is already unimaginable.
Computers accelerate calculations by
factors of thousands or millions. Com-
puters make office work more efficient,
while dehumanizing it. Military applica-
tions are major areas of computer inno-
vation, spearheaded by the Develpment
You too can own a box of this fascinating maga-
zinel Yours for only the low price of $0.01 . Avail-
able in the orifce for a limited time only!
(minimun purc hase of 1 box per customer)
Ryerson Road-trip - 'nuff said
\

.. \., --
, ... 1\ . .
,_," ' ... " .... J._ .
of Advanced Reasearch Planning
Agency which is developing new artifcial
intelligence software and expert sys-
tems, speech comprehension, machine
vision, computer vision, and natural
language comprehension.
ARTIFICAL
INTELLIGENCE/REAL PROB
LEMS
((6 July)
The next step is for computers to be
able to mimic the human mind -- that is,
perform in accordance with that combi-
nation of memory, "'tuition, understand-
ing, emotion, and subject selectivity we
call intelligence. While artificial intelli-
gence experiments are becoming
increasingly sophisticated, industry is
turning yesterday's copywriters' dreams
into reality. Undoubtedly, today's sci-
ence fiction will be ordinary tomorrow.
Editor-in-Chief
Kim Farwell
Assistant Editor
Greg Yardley
Missing in Action
Ad Gurus
Could Be You!
Layout
Kim Farwell
(yes, that explains a few things)
Darkroom Troll
Scott Chandler Ugh?
The Iron Warrior Magazine
Volume 2 Issue 2
13 June, 1994
In This Issue:
The Environment .................................. 2
Are you doing your part to help?
Liberty and Engineering .... " ............... 6
Darwin, Doo! and P**5 do the East
Dear I W ............... , , ....................... , ........ 9
Trash those Editors
From the Deans' Desks .. " ................... 4
Environmental Engineering will be a Reality This Fall
Tales from Around the Campfire., ... 74
A Bottle O'Djinn
Ritual of the Calling of an Engineer 75
What's Really Behind an Iron Ring
Eng Soc Fee Referendum, ............... ,. 8
More Money ...
Spews Everywhere, ...................... 76- 78
All the Exec and even the Feds!
Editorial ................................... , ......... 79
Proposed Changes to the
Engineering C&D
Michael Worry
VP Finance
Amanda Allen, Leah MacKinnon, Judel/
Rodrigues
C&D Managers
The Coffee and Donut shop had been serving Engi-
neers for a long time. Yet with the turnover every four
months of C&D managers and the exec there has never
been a unified approach to its long term organization.
The Engineering A and B Societies are considering
moving from our current organization of a directorship
changjng every term and full-time cashiers, to having a
full-time manager and a roster of student cashiers. This
is a major change for the C&D and we should consider
it carefully. Problems with the current system include:
- Accounting inconsistencies between terms. e.g.
problems with taxes, invoicing, bills forgotten, man-
agement has no professional training.
- Administration of personnel changes every four
months leading to employees jobs being modified and
expectations changing continuously.
-Current management structure allows little room
for expansion of services or hOUTS.
- 0 effective inventory, health, financial, or tender-
ing system in place.
The proposed changes address r--""""' ....... ....--,
many of these problems, while at the to' __ .,,'--
same time providing student employ-
ment. There are also some disadvan-
tages:
-The positions which Cindy and
Mary (the present cashiers) hold may
no longer be available.
-Transition time in between terms
as the new roster of cashiers is sched-
uled.
-Creat deal of trust placed in full
time manager.
We may consider other alternatives.
For.example, perhaps since Engineers
have such busy schedules we can "_iii'
only reliably expect one student
Ii
cashier. A system to provide for this could then be to
have the full time manager, one full time cashier and
one student cashier position available.
A-Soc has already approved moving to the full time
manger / student cashiers
system. This is the architec-
ture most C&D's from other
societies use. We will be vot-
ing on these changes at our
next council meeting on
June 22nd. Your class reps
will be asking in class how
many people would be will-
ing to commit to work at the
C&D should these changes
be implemented. Student
support is crucial to this
idea's success-let your class
reps bring your opinions to
council.
About the Apocalypse
VP Constantly Moving Stuff in the Orifice
If you aren't STRESSED by now, you've got a
problem
So, apparently we've survived another few weeks.
Dawn's world is famng to pieces because she no longer
seems capable of properly counting out a roll of pen-
nies, but I've stopped floating around Needless Hell
long enough to notice some other things that are crum-
bling the infrastructure of our society. Normally, I can
rely on the Computer Science Oub to provide m with
some pretty good kind ling for these whine columns,
but this time around, rve got to thank Chris Redmond
and his troop over at The Gazette for their fine work.
-On the cover of the May 18th issue of the Gazette,
we see a woman holding a picture of her 11 month old
child. The caption reads " ... [this University employeeJ,
who spends most of her days updating records for stu-
dents with surnames G through K, ... " We are paying
for ONE PERSON whose sole duty seems to be to
update the records of people whose last names start
with 5 LEITERS OF THE ALPHABET? I figure tllere
must be someone over there whose sole job is to
remove important updates from the files of students
with names G-K.
-MOTHER OF GOD AND SAINTS PRFSERVE US,

THIS ISN'T HAPPENING, THEY ARE NOT COM-
ING OUT WITH A FULL LENGlH FEATURE FILM
STARING BARNEY. Yes folks, if you haven't already
heard, Barney and all his friends will soon be hitting
tlle big screen, and our last meals will soon be hitting
the wall. This sign of the apocalypse doesn't apply to
those in 2B Meeh, who are probably already organiz-
ing a class trip to see the making of the movie.
-In a recent issue of the MathNews, the intro to the
esc article reads "Hello fellow oxygen exchangers."
Do they really have a problem with wldead people
joining their club? I wouldn't be surprised. After all,
Woody is a member.
-Cats who eat "Friskies are spontaneously taking
flight and orbiting cat food boxes at high speed.
one should really start investigating tlUs phenomena. I
personally think that its a conspiracy by the militaristic,
tyrannical, transsexual hispanic Reform Party mem-
bers, but my theories rarely hold water.
-The Computer and Electrical Engineering classes of
1997 have pulled off more stunts than anyone else has
this term. This just isn't normal folks! The last Electrical
class to win P**5 was Shandrickameg Boombaras back
in the mid 80s. [Nope, it was Ohm Rangers, Winter 91
- Ed] Since then, most E&CE classes have known their
place. Let's WAKEUP, people.
-Read the article in the May If\th Gazette describing
the convocation ceremony at a South American wliver-
sity. When a faculty member was asked about what he
thought of the ceremony, which included, among
other things, the distribution of confetti to the
ates for them to tluow around the auditorium, friends
and family joining the graduates and drinking away
while the ceremony was still going on, and a gigantic
inflated penis being paraded into the building, the
most negative comment he had was, "This is starting
to get out of hand." My own opinion is that these
should realize that you're not supposed to have fun at a
these ceremonies. Just ask anyone who went to one two
weeks ago. Besides, I can only imagine how many
stroke victims there would be if we decided to run our
convocations this way in the future. Hmmrnmrnm ...
-Dave has hit the jackpot in Bad Cats five straight
times. Now if only he could stop hurting himself so fre-
quently.
Well, that's all I could think of for this week. I'm start-
ing to think that I'm running out of ideas for this col-
umn, but I figure, so long as people like Rush Lim-
baugh are still breathing, I'll always be able to find indi-
cators of our downfall. In the meantime, don't forget to
celebrate these upcoming and as yet unrecognized
national holidays. Hopefully, whoever's doing layout
won't hack off 2/3 of my dates to make my article fit.
June 10 - First Thru Restaurant opens, 1952
J 11 - First teenager drives backwards through a
1952
J 13 - The Ford Foundation launches a study to
increase the cultural level of 'IV shows, 1951
J 14 - Mr. Ed premiers, 1951
J 15 - Jim Belushi is born, 1954
J 21-CBSintroduces the first LP, 1948
J 24 - World record set for spitting watermelon seeds
(68" 9'),1989
J 29 - Frrst 'IV sold with a remote control, 1964
J 30 - Mike Tyson (#316394) is born, 1966
July 1 - Dan Akroyd is born, 1952 . .
Environmental Realities
Dan Gariepy
Civerely Damaged
I am a fourth year Ow Engineer and I can't believe
some of the shit I am hearing. The are some really
whacked people out there who have a vexy unrealistic
perspective on the environment. The thing that scares
me the most is that an overwhelming majority of the
population appears to ignore the real life application of
environmental issues.
"HEY! I recycle and I only use recycled paper, I
drive a brand new car that emits less pollution to the
atmosphere," you say, indignant of my accusation.
That's my point exactly.
Before I came to University I had to interview the
town engineer for a school project. I asked him how
the recycling program was going and he proudly said
that things were going very well with nearly an 80%
participation rate. I was impressed. I figured we were
probably making a pretty penny to boot, with all those
marketable recyclables. I asked the engineer who we
were selling the stuff to. His expression was less recep-
tive. He said that they had been stockpiling some recy-
clable goods into warehouses. They were quickly run-
ning out of space and had to consider another ware-
----------
house or disposal. I hope the stuff has made it out of
the warehouse by now.
That was a couple of years ago. Thing have
changed, right? ot exactly. Two terms ago I, rked
for an environmental engineering finn based just out-
side of Toronto. I was at the president' house one
night in Aurora and I remarked, jokingly, that he was
the only one who had not put out his blue box. He
gave me this look I won't soon forget. 'Tm n t going
to pay for them to take my recyclables to the dump."
According to him, this town didn' t have enough ware-
houses to store the "valuable" recyclables and they just
kept on dumping them in with the rest of the garbage.
What kind of recycled paper do you use? Do you
use the 10% recycled paper? It does help but there is a
trade off in terms of more bleaching and chemical
processes involved. in the recycling. If evexyone began
recycling their paper today, there would be an enor-
mous surplus in recycling. Just do the math. H we con-
sume 100 sheets a day and we recycle these, we will get
1(XX) sheets of 10% recycled paper. Let's assume that
half of the paper is lost in the recycling process. This
would mean 500 sheets of 10% recycled paper were
produced. We would not have to recycle our paper for
the next five days. The paper waste would HA VB to
go to the dump. This assumes that evexy011e uses the
~ -
So WllafCA I Puf in Those iffy
?

Tina Salamon
Recycling Director
Here it is folks: answers to those recycling questions
that keep you tossing and turning a t night.
Q - What can I put in the blue box in my class
room?
A -0) EMPTY cans
(2) EMPTY bottles
(3) EMPTY PEr bottles
Q - Why do the cans and bottles hafta be empty?
A - Cause if they're not, the blue boxes will quickly
become smelly and we'll be over-run by fruit flies.
"Empty" also means you shouldn't jam your straw,
serviette, muffin wrapper, sandwich paper etc. in the
empty container - there's a garbage can for those.
Q - That blue box is soooo far away from where I sit
H I just leave my EMPTY bottle on the table, will it get
recycled?
A - Not likely. The custodial staff don't have time to
run evexything to the blue box, so it will end up in the
garbage. Please don't let this happen ... grab your bot-
tle and make the journey yourself.
Q- I'm really keen on recycling fine paper and
newsprint. Can these go in the classroom blue boxes
too?
A - No. Hey ... didn't you read the answer to the first
question?
If you want to recycle paper, look:
outside, between CPH and E1, for a big blue
newsprint bin
in computer rooms or at the library for fine paper
bins
Q - I like putting stuff in those big recycling bins on
wheels that I see around campus. Any advice on
those?
A- Yeah. Read the labels to avoid throwing stuff in
the wrong bin.
Cans and plastic (PEr) bottles go in the bins for cans.
Uds from juice bottles can go in here too.
"Clear glass" means glass that is both clear and
colourless.
"Coloured glass" means what you think it does.
The open bins in front of the &D marked "card-
board only" are for ... corrugated cardboard and kraft
paper only!!! H you have garbage you want to get rid
of, turn 180 degrees and you'll see a garbage can. (cor-
rugated cardboard = cardboard with an internal rip-
pled layer; kraft paper = things like brown paper bags,
and manilla envelopes)
Q - I've heard that pop can tabs are being collected to
help buy wheelchairs. Where can I put my pop can
tabs?
A - There's a mini blue box for pop can tabs hanging
from the railing above the bins in CPH foyer. There's
also a collection container on the counter around the
info desk in the Orifice.
- Q- Whoemptiestheblueboxes?
A- Student volunteers - your classmates. Please
help them out by following the advice above.
recycled paper and tha t no one will use anything else.
Jud ing by the actions of the two municipalities, r
would sa that the supply is far ceeding the demand.
And for that n w car? I'm really glad to hear that it
has reduced emissions. Good show. What about the
on ou just trashed? Was it so bad you couldn't have
k pt on using it? H Y u continued using your old car
and tried to maintain the emissions at a low level you
would ha e done th environment a better favour.
Where clid that one go? Th energy expended to pro-
duce tllat n w automobile ha caused its own set of
pollutants and problems. And so you emit less harm-
ful chemicals to th atmosphere. Where are th y going
instead? Th yare probably ending up in your catalytic
convertor. Actually, the fuel does burn better in these
new cars but the emissions don't clisappear. When you
add the environmental cost of that new car, what has
the environment really gained?
We have to have a more realistic view of the environ-
ment. The fact is that unless we figure out a way to
stop breathing, we will not be able to survive much
longer anyway. The carbon dioxide emissions from
living animals is a problem that cannot be solved unless
we stop life itself. Don't give me that rain forest sob
story either. 1 doubt in the long run it will matter. It
doesn't hurt, but it will not "save the earth". With the
kind of population growth the planet is experiencing,
we would have had to choose between trees and
human lives anyway. This argument sounds extreme
but given enough time, that could be what it will m
down to.
The fundamentals fo physics still apply to the envi-
ronment. Matter cannot be created nor destroyed.
When we produce garbage, it will always be. We can
recycle it, reduce it, eat it, drink it, whatever. It will still
exist. H there are harmful chemicals in the garbage,
they won't disappear either. The nature of most hann-
ful chemicals is that they are difficult to break down.
That is what makes them harmful. In some cases
breaking them down makes them mQre harmful
You must figut"(' th"t I have \()';t, 11 wiIllo 1i . l:'lm
so dep 'St>d < bout the worlJ going to h III in II h.lnd-
ba kcl thall must Imd a mise tlble li '. Why would I?
The nvironm nti1] dam.lgc W' ,1ust'ti is .\ sidl' ~ :1. of
w living (Cd h (1 ion has t n XIII. I .md oPI
tion). I can't say I fl.'b'l"el being aliv' and so it would be
hypocritical of me to fl.'g.I'Ct ausing Sl,lme sort of de m-
age tot h environm nt resulting from my 'xisll'n '. 1
am committl>d to minimizing the darnagl' we an' caus-
ing, as an aspiring environmental c ngin w, but J will
not deny thal lh rc mu, t be some repercussions for u
existing th way we do on this plilnet.
Doof and Darwin take
P**5 Guy to the Eastern
Seaboard
"Darwin" Zacher, S.O.S.
Steve "Doof" Dufour, Electrical Cir-
cus
"Ooof!" I shouted .
"I've been looking for you," Ooof
replied. "We're going to Boston."
I had jus t sp ent the afternoon
bringing my bicycle into the shop to
be repaired, and was coming out of
the Kmart with a few things for the
upcoming Cal cul a tor Boat-racing
event.
"Okay. You do realize though,
'that I have to wait until my bike is
fixed so I can ride it home," I clari-
fied.
"Yes I know, we' ve already been
there looking for you," replied Steve.
"The only thing I can't figure out is
where you were in between P.O.E.T.5.
and the bike shop."
"McGinnis."
"Oh."
And so that is how the weekend
started; we grabbed a few things
including:
- Three sleeping bags and one tent
- One camfing stove
- One 24 0 Coca-cola
- Three (OOPS!) Two low-burdened
VISA cards
- One North American road atlas
- One reliable beater car (Ooo's)
- Two cameras
- One Waterloo Engineering hard-hat
- One large Waterloo Engineering
banner
- One 10" Ridgid tool
- Three gung-no electrical and com
puter engineering students
At 7:00 p.m. we set off for the border;
at 5:00 a.m. the following morning we
arrived in:
a. Stop #1: Boston
Not too much is open at five am on a
Saturday morning, nevertheless we pro-
ceeded to take in the sights of Boston.
We started out with 01' Ironside: the
U.S.5. Constitution, an old warship. We
then saw the Bunker Hill memorial
(something to which one of the Constitu-
tion's shipmates took great pride in
telling us the number of steps). Then it
was off to the Waterloo of the south ...
things to do this weekend.
that's right,
M.LT. Here's
Ooof and Kyle
in one of the
M.LT. build-
ings, showing
off the banner
with the M.I.T.
beaver. I took
the photo
from standing
on top of a
fireplace man-
tle. We
looked for an
actual live
beaver, but
figured they
had it under
tight cover -
besides we
had other
Our next stop was Cheers (Bull and
Finch), ya know, that funky little place
where everybody knows your name. We
stopped in and bought some shirts, we
grabbed some pins and a photo of our-
selves with the infamous banner. Then
we drove around for a bit, we saw the
Boston Tea Party (an old boat), the Royal
Boston Hotel (which has yacht parking)
and a first for me - a car with bullet
holes in it! Yahoo! By 12:00 pm we had
"done" Boston, so we started out on our
way towards Cape Cod.
Stop #2: Plymouth Rock
This was one of the more historical
places visited; we parked the car and
started walking around and soon stum-
bled upon Plymouth Rock. It is some-'
what easy to miss Plymouth Rock
because what most people think of as a
huge rock face is simply a small boulder
no larger than a barbecue with "1620"
carved into it (was Michealangelo on
board?).
We then moseyed through the grave-
yard - was that ever old. Three words,
"Big Honkin' Crypts!" After seeing the
oldest gravestone and a couple hundred
memorials of places where the initial set-
tlers once took a dump, we settled back
into the car and continued south to
Exeter, Rhode Island, where we were
told there was a campground. It turned
out that there was only a Scout camp
that was not yet open, so we camped for
the night in some field somewhere. This
was the first time our fearless heroes had
slept this weekend.
Stop #3: McDonalds in Rhode Island
We stopped for breakfast in Hopkin-
ton, Rhode Island and grabbed some
McMuffins and O.}. Taking some water,
we then proceeded outside to brush our
teeth in the ditch in front of the McOon-
aIds sign.
Stop #4:
YALE
So, we
were In
the car,
righ t ?
And Dar-
win said:
"Ya kno",',
we reall y
need a
1Io.=-..:. ___ -.:IIIL...-..=::.JIloililll S how e r .
Let's grab
a shower at YALE. They' ve gotta have a
gym somewhere ... "
Outside the gym building, we saw the
most honkin' street sign! Here are our
own reflections of the r-_ _
meaning portrayed by
t ha t oh so mys tical
sign.
Upon arnvmg a t
YALE we discovered
it was commencement
day! Needless to say
we f ound the gym
and sn eaked in to a
locker room. Low and
behold we found the coldest [Obscenity
removed at authors' request. - Ed] showers
in the known world!!!!
We sa w the sight s, r-.....
chatted with a couple of
grads and headed on
our way to:
Stop #5: New York City
Where to start? Well,
first we got lost in the
Bronx. Then we got lost
in New Jersey. Finally we found Man-
hattan! We found the most amazing free
parking spot right next to Battery Park,
and took a stroll down to the Liberty
Island ferry. There was a huge group of
people all dressed in formal for a posh
party on the Island. We asked to jOin,
but we couldn't get the bow ties and
cummerbunds to look good with our T-
shirts, shorts and sandals. (Ya know .. .. )
So we settled for a walk down Wall
Street, saw the stock exchange, sauntered
over to the World Trade Center and
planted a bomb! (HAHAHAHA!!! We'll
get you yet, Mario"!!) We toured the rest
of southern Manhattan on foot then
drove towards what we thought was the
Empire State Building. After parking the
car, seeing the U.s.s. Intrepid, walking
through Times Square and Grand Cen-
tral Station we arrived. Upon entering
the building, the security guard told us
there was no observation tower. What a
gyp! Turns out we were in the Chrysler
building. A few blocks and a few blis-
ters later we hit the Empire State Build-
ing. Three words: beau-
ty hankin' view - espe-
cially at night. \Ve aw
the rest of !vlanhattan
the quick way - look-
ing out from the top! '--'--",",,'.I
Struggling our wa ba k
to the car, we ha ppened
bv uch ite as Madi-
son Square Garden and
Macy' departm nt
store.
Getting back in the car
we decided it l'\'as time for supper (1 :00
a.m. is good) so we headed to infa-
mous "Hackensack, New Je r ey"!
Besides the n ame, t hi town ha d no
redeeming qualities except a aturated
hotel and a T.G.I. Fridays. We found a
cockroach motel that accepted cash only
and crashed for the night; Monday was
going to be a busy day.
Stop #6: The Statue of Liberty
We went,
We wai ted (in line),
We pulled a stunt. (See picture on front
page)
Stop #7: Dave's PIa - he Ed Sullivan
Theater
We thought we' d complete our week-
end with an impromptu appearance on
the Late Show! After negotiating our
way through Manhattan rush-hour in an
overheating car, we found a nice $1.50/
hour spot right in Dave's back yard. We
even saw Dave himself driving around
in his Limo.
Tip to anyone wishing to go see Dave:
You must li ne up at the Ed Sullivan The-
ater (DClve'_ PIa e) at 7:00 am to have a
de ent chance at getting in the show.
Once our mission wa complete, we
drove eight hours straight back to Wa ter-
loo, our hearL full of glee, our sou Is
replenished, our eye struggling to tay
open.
You Want Some Response, Huh?
... 1'11 Bite

(W
DearIW,
I've always been one of those backroom aitics of the
media, always bttdling about tt but never actually doing
anything about it. The last issue of The Iron Warrior
changed my mind. I found some elements of the last
issue so deplorable that I I had to respond.
Let's start with Greg Yardley's "So Submtt Dammtt!"
edttorial article. I am assuming he is the author but
there was no signature or byline to oonfirm this. Some
of his assumptions are false. Had Mr. Yardley
researched his topic he might have realized that
Canada produces the most engineers per capita
seoond only to Japan. The most recent figures I oould
find were from 1980, in a UNESCO report entitled:
"Engineering Manpower" . Japan produces 6.2 engi -
neers per 10 000 population with bachelor s degrees
and Canada produces 3.9 engineers for the same
number. The nearest oompetttor is New Zealand with
3.1 engineers per capita. The study states that this
number is "a good measure of the ... engineering flow
into society" . The problem must lie elsewhere; we are
certainly doing our part as a oountry to produce
engineers at a fast enough rate.
LOOking at these figures, I figured that we must have
one of the highest per capita engineering population of
any oountry in the world. With a little more digging, I
found out that I was mistaken.
When I called Allison Banier of the Canadian Society
of Professional Engineers in Ottawa with the statement
that I thought that Canada must have one of the highest
engineering populations per capita, she almost broke
out laughing. She did not have any figures to back it up,
but she said that this was certainly not the case. I will
not be able to get the figures before the deadline, but
will produce them for the next issue. The point is that
the demand is certainly there. However, we are already
producing engineers as fast as we can. The existing
numbers is where the problem lies.
We don't have enough engineers out there now. [Oh
yeah? Ask the '94 grads just how many of them have
jobs right now. - Eal No matter how quickly we produce
engineers from this point on, we will be playing catch up.
Once we readl capacity, we will be producing too many
engineers for the market and that would not be good
either. [I guess we need a PID rontrol system on the
number of engineers we prrxiuce - Eal
To relieve the immediate deficiency in engineering,
the solution seems obvious. If we don't have the skill
right now, we should get it from somewhere else. If we
allow engineers and their families to immigrate to
Canada then there will not be a problem. We oould
allow the older people to immigrate so that once
Canada can supply the engineers required, the
immigrant engineers will be retiring. Of oourse the
government will not alkm this to happen. They say that
they will not allow any immigrant to "take Canadian's
jobs". In actual fact, this legislation does not allow fair
oornpetition on a world scale tor professionals. I know
of one Archttect who was denied entry into Canada who
would have certainly answered a demand that is not
being filled by Canadian architects. He would not be so

stupid as to oome over without having any prospects for
: employment. If the demand is as great as Mr. Yardley
portrayed it to be, then there should be enough capacity
to allow this kind of immigration.
Moreover, I am just plain tired of the "I can't afford
tuition for engineering, subsidize me." Bite me. [This
can be arranged. - Eal Our tuition oovers a very small
portion of the cost of our education. I think that's enough
subsidies, thank you very mum. It's not like the schools
are starving for enrollment either. Every university I
have ever heard of is at capacity in engineering.
a,viously someone can afford to get their engineering
degree.
Allow me to tum my attention to Kim Farwell's articles.
The first one "For the Rest of Us ... " was a well written
piece that followed an argument through reasonably
well. I liked it except for one mistake that everyone
seems to be making these days. She called Kurt
Cobain's death "drug-related". Last time I checked, he
died from a shotgun blast to the head brought on by
being tucked up in general. [while on heroin, making his
death drug-related, though not necessarily drug-caused.
- Eo) The man suffered from ulcers, chronic back pain
and (obviously) severe bouts of depression. There are
those who say that he first had a problem with drugs as
a of the pain killers he had been prescribed for
these problems. Buy that or not, the point I am trying to
make is that heroin did not kill Kurt Cobain; he was well
on the road to his own demise The heroin did
not oonvince a friend of Cobain's to buy the weapon.
The heroin did not make the shotgun jump into his
hands. The heroin did not pull the trigger. The whole
truth of the matter is that we have no idea what any
person thinks. We should no be so quick to judge a
person by some lyrics and the media's portrayal.
I foura her seoond jJticIe"A Plea for a Better-Looking
Margarine" editorial more disturbing. Aside from the fact
that I found the subject pretty vapid, it was not very
oonvincing. If Ms. Farwell is going to pick a topic that is
so weak she should at least have a strong argument.
She is asking why the dairy folk have imposed this
oolouration legislation on margarine manufacturers.
[No, more like she was lookjng for space-filler for last
months skinny issue - Eal She later proceeds to explain
howaappy margarine looks when rt is white or bright
yellow. She has answered her own question. Obvious-
ly the dairy people are seeking to lower the oonsumption
of margarine by making
its appearance less
appealing. It appears
that Ms. Farwell does not
like the look of margarine, perhaps enough that she
would (maybe even subconsciously) hesitate to use it.
Does this seem like a personal attack on the editors
to you? Maybe you're right. They do represent what
The Iron Warrior will be this term. I was talking to Kim
yesterday and she is having problems just keeping the
paper afloat finandaJly. She enlightened me with some
facts about Kurt Cobain's death that I did not know.
After my disrussion with her, I researched it a little
deeper. I realize that there is a lot of work involved in
being an editor and I oommend both of them for taking
on this responsibility. However, in the past, I have seen
better articles come off the edrtor's desk.
'Wait a minute, you righteous bastard! What have
you done for the IW lately?" you're probably saying.
Dick all. That's why I submitted an article along with this
letter. I don't feel that it would be fair to critidze the
people who make up The Iron Warrior if I didn't try to
change the things I disliked. I think this will be the first
article that anyone from my class has ever submitted. I
tried to research my sources as best I oould to write an
informed piece. I will 'gladly take oonstructive criticism
you submtt. Kim and Greg will get their chance to a..rt
me up too.
Dan Gariepy
Civerly Damaged
[Hurray! We managed to finally get some fXJOr
apathetic engineer so riled up that he had to write.
Thank you Dan, let you be a model for the rest of them.
Except next time you submit, do it electronically; i.e. on
disk. -Eo)
Stolen Books
DearIW,
I'm madl Damn mad! It's not often I'm this unhappy.
But let me first explain my situation. I was in 38 in the
Fall term of 1993. Immediately after, I stayed on
campus tor a WOI'1< term. When Spring term neared, I
decided to move. Having lived at a place tor eight
consecutive months, I have amassed quite a few
personal items.
During my winter WOI'1< term, I had (and stiD have) a
little cubicle office in the VLSIIab (third floor DC). It's
basically a research Iabratory for grad students working
on drruit design. All grad students there have their little
cubicle offices and none seems to think otherwise when
they leave their personal belongings in their cubicles.
So I thought that it would be safe for me if during the
transition moving period, that I place a few of the heavier
items in my office. So as my winter WOI'1< terms was
ooming to a close, I started moving my text books and
other personal books into the shelf in my office. When I
bought my books for this Spring term, I also chose to
temporarily store them in my cubicle until I have cleared
enough room at my new place of residence for these
items.
Just this past Monday (May 16, 1994), I walked into
my cubicle, wanting to take a few of my texts home with
me. To my surprise, I noticed certain very large empty
gaps in my shelf that used to be filled with books. My
first thought was that someone had just borrowed some
of my books. After all, grad students in the VLSIIab do
that all the time. But as I examined what books were
missing,l realized that this was not the case. llastsaw
them the previous Monday (May 9,1994) so I knew that
the books must have been taken between May 9 and
May 16.
I thought in an area sudl as the VLSllab, it was
suppose to be a place where intellectuals gather and
express their ideas through their work In addition, I
Stolen Books cool
thought there was something called Engineering "Ett"OCs
n
But a doser look at the stuff
stolen from my office, one can eac>ily see a pattern. All the texis for the EledricaI3B
term were taken. Obviously, the thief had something very specific in mind. He or she
also has an affinity toYIards the stod< market
I then tried to find out which undergrad has ac:x::ess to the lab and is presently in 3A
Electrical. I have come up with a couple of names. So what? What can I do OON? I
certainly can't just come out and accuse them; I'm not certain to any degree. I really
couldn't care less who this person is. I simply want my stuff back.
Throughout my stay at this university, t have heard countless times about how
ethical the engineering profession is, how we are taught an ethics course in first year,
how most engineering students are OON required to take some sort of "STY' course
and how engineers should deserve respect from their communities. It is a noble
image, something that I would like to believe in. However, only takes one bad
inddent to make a proud engineering student wonder if all of these seIf-boasting and
seff-
congratulatory remarks are simply just brail"flNaShing propaganda. Yes, my case is
an isolated incident Yes, nothing like this has ever happened in the VLSIIab. Yes,
this does not happen everyday. But does not change how I feel.
The seardl continues ....
Stanley Ma
4A Electrical
sjanaelecom2.watstar
Challenger Picture
Ina riate
:DearIW,
I would like to make a point in regards to the design of the Eng Soc 'B' Spring Blotter.
When I first saw the blotter I was impressed with this term's design as compared
to past terms. The use of two colours, as well as the small pictures used to signify
events taking place on various days make the blotter look very professional and well
planned. I was shocked and disappointed, however, when I noticed that the picture
used for VICtoria. Day depicts the Challenger shuttle disaster. I feel very strongly that
this is in extremely poor taste, and the designers of the blotter used bery bad judge-
ment in choosing this photo. The firewor1<s displays which take place on VICtoria Day
are intended for the entertainment and amusement of the audience [not to mention
ceIebra1ion of the British Monarch's Birthday - Ed). I do not believe that the paren1s,
friends and relatives of the seven astronauts killed in the Challenger disaster would be
pleased to know that this tragedy, which claimed the lives of their loved ones, was
being compared in any way to a spectade for the amusement of the generaJ public.
I admit that this was probably just an oversight on the part of whoever is responsible,
and that they meant no offense. Certainly, people do make mistakes, and this one
may not seem very important, given that the picture is rather small and will not be seen
by very many people outside this faculty. Nevertheless, as an engineer and past
member of Eng Soc 'B', I believe that each of us has a responsibility to maintain
engineering's reputation as a profession populated by individuals with a certain level of
class, and that this responsibility extends to everything which represents our university
community and engineering as a whole, no matter how small may seem.. In future, I
hope that all students who act on behalf of Eng Soc and the University of Water100
Faculty of Engineering in any capacity keep in mind the importance of a strong
commitment to uphold our professional image.
Michael Bondi
Olt1G "'10\ riUiO(l s'll
038 b,(lJ\; '3(.111d S tit :1
Sir:; or,
'-lW 5,,"';01:1
Rre you a Greedy, Capitalist
Pig?
The Iron Warrior Magazine is piloting a new advertising
strategy this term. We want to attract enthusiastic advertis-
ing staff by offering them commission on the ads they bring
in tor us.
What sort of commission are we talking about? Well, two
of our fromer advertising directors claim they would have
made between $800 and $1000 dollars on a 15% commis-
sion basis in a single term. Now that would sure help offset
the partying budget!
How does this work?
You make contact with The Iron Warrior
You approach business and sell our ad space
You bring us the ad
-We print it
We pay you 15% of the before tax value of the ad
I nterested but scared because you don't know
how to sell an ad?
We can tell you euerything you need to know.
To apply:
Drop your "resume" (name, class, phone number, email, and
any other info) so we can contact you into the IW Editors box
in the Orifice.
No job is too small
From the Deans' Desks
This is the first publication of a neW feature in The Iron Warrior. "From the
Deans' Desks" is a means for the Dean of Engineering and the Associate
Deans to commicate with the student body. This column will provide infor-
mation about new programs and courses, as well as updates on the projects in
which our Deans are involved. Please read on.
Environmental Engineering B.ASc Program Starts in Fall, 1994
Introduction
Commencing September 1994, the Faculty of Engi-
neering at the University of Waterloo will offer a
degree program in Environmental Engineering. The
new degree program expands and enhances a consid-
erable and ongoing involvement with environmental
concerns.
The Farulty has, for a considerable time, offered
courses and options that relate directly to environmen-
tal concerns from an engineering perspective. These
historical initiatives include designated Faculty options
(the Water Resources Option and the Environmental
Engineering Option) and Departmental options (e.g.,
the Biotechnology Option, the Environmental (Ge0-
Physical) fluid Dynamics Option, the Pollution Con-
trol Option, and the Societal and Environmental Sys-
tems Option). These activities will continue.
The new Environmental Engineering degree pro-
gram provides an additional choice for students; a
choice which results in a more comprehensive devel-
opment of environmental engineering expertise. Given
the extensive opportunities provided by the coopera-
tive system, and the breadth and depth of the faculty at
Waterloo, the Environmental Engineering degree pro-
gram desaibed herein will be unique and excellent.
Engineering and the Environment
In engineering education and practire, it is essen-
tial that there be an increasing awareness and concern
for the environment. Environmental engineering
encompasses both the prevention of, and remediation
of water, air and soil contamination, with the mix of
engineering work varying substantially from one prob-
lem to another. Engineers must have the tools and
skills to sua:essfullyand effectively incorporate envi-
ronmental aspects into their work This capability is
required both in the design, development, construction
and operation of processes and plants, whether indus-
trial or municipal, and in dealing with the downstream
consequences (pollution) resulting from poor practices,
accidents, and scientific and social limits. Migration
pathways that expose humans and ecosystems to
unacreptable pollutant levels as a result of historical
practices and accidents in. residual disposal and in
industrial and urban development, are examples of the
need to reflect envirorunental concerns in engineering
decisions.
The envirorunent, society, and industry are com-
plex systems which are interdependent. It is not possi-
ble to develop a single engineering program to cover
such a broad, complex area. Therefore, the Faculty of
Engineering at the University of Waterloo has devel-
oped an integrated approach for incorporating greater
environmental content into engineering education. We
start from the premise that all engineers must inrorpo-
rate environmental considerations into their profes-
sional practice. Hence, all programs offered in the Fac-
ulty of Engineering incorporate environmentally relat-
ed examples and applications into the core materiaL
and several programs include technical electives with
an environmental focus. In addition, engineering stu-
dents in programs other than Environmental Engineer-
ing may take an enriched program incorporating a
substantial Environmental Engineering Option which
appears on the transcripts and diplomas of graduates
who successfully complete this option.
Environmental Engineering Program
In addition to the above, the Faculty will now offer
a new degree program in Environmental Engineering
for those wishing to specialize to a greater extent. The
program has two branches. For the Chemical Engi-
neering Branch, primary emphasis is on the integration
of environmental and ecological issues within the plan-
ning, design, operation and management of industrial
and other technological processes. For the Civil Engi-
neering Branch, primary emphasis is on the minimiza-
tion, treatment, remediation and risk assessment
aspects of the solid, liquid and gaseous wastes that are
associated with living in a modem society.
The environmental engineering degree program
initially will have a maximum enrolment of about 70
first year students with approximately 30 admitted to
the Chemical Engineering Branch, and approximately
40 admitted to the Gvil Engineering Branch. The Envi-
ronmental Engineering Program will be a single
stream (Stream 4) program; that is, Environmental
Engineering students start in September with four
months of school before going out on the first work
tenn in January.
Cltemical Engineering Branch
The most distinctive element of the Chemical
Engineering Branch of the Environmental Engineering
degree program is the emphasis on process engineer-
ing and control that it has in common with the Chemi-
cal Engineering degree prograin.
In the long tenl\ the most effective way to reduce
environmental degradation and pollution is to stop it
from occurring. Incorporation of environmental princi-
ples and constraints in every stage of planning and
design from initial conrept to operational status is the
optimal way to ensure the creation of plants and
processes which can be operated and controlled to
minimize pollution. Existing, as well as new, plants
and processes must be controlled and operated so that
materials which would degrade the air, water and soil
are eliminated or contained. With their process engi-
neering background, graduates from the Environmen-
tal Engineering Program (Chemical Engineering
Branch) will be ideally suited to address these needs.
Civil Engineering Branch
Within the Gvil Engineering Branch, there will be
two themes, the Waste Treatment and Management
Theme and th> Water and Soil Quality Theme. These
build on existing departmental strengths. The premise
is that all human activities result in some degree of
impact on the environment and the interest is in
achieving a balance between economic development
and environmental protection. For example, solid
waste management is more than just waste disposal- it
is waste generation, waste reduction, energy recovery,
and disposal of the residual in an environmentally-
acceptable manner. Improving water quality in rivers
is more than just monitoring of pollutant levels - it
must be translated into such features as watershed
planning, reduction of pollutant discharges, and reme-
diation of historical disposal practices. Historically, the
client in many engineering tasks was the municipality
or a governmental agency; now, in many cases, the tax-
payer is having much more direct input. The graduates
from the Environmental Engineering Degree Program
(Gvil Engineering Branch) will have the educational
credentials to be important, contributing members to
the resolution of these engineering problems.
Where do we go from here?
In summary, this new degree program is based in
Gvil and Chemical Engineering; no new department is
being formed. The program will be administered by a
board consisting of the Dean of Engineering, the Ass0-
ciate Dean of Undergraduate Studies, faculty members
from the Civil and Chemical Engineering Depart-
ments, plus a few other members to be decided by
Engineering Faculty CounciL Day- to-day responsibili-
ty for the students (course approval, examination and
promotion recommendations, work term report evalu-
ations, etc.) in the Chemical and Civil Engineering
Branches will rest with the Departments of Chemical
and Gvil Engineering, respectively. The Faculty of Sci-
ence and Faculty of Environmental Studies are con-
tributing to the offering of this new program.
When the proposal for this program was submit-
ted to the Provinre of Ontario in July 1993, it was on
the basis that we would re-organize existing programs
and avoid incurring long-term additional costs. The
curriculum approved by Engineering Faculty Council
and Senate and included in the approved proposal is
listed in Table 1. There will be some minor changes to
the listed curriculum that will have to be approved by
Engineering Faculty Council and Senate. Since much
of the first year is common to the existing programs in
Civil and Chemical Engineering, this allows us to
make a quick start on the program despite receiving
approval from the Province only in late April 1994.
Although it was too late to advertise the program to
this year's high school graduates, we anticipate that
this year's intakes into Chemical and Gvil Engineering
will include students who will choose to take the
Chemical and Gvil Engineering Branches of Environ-
mental Engineering. The students will be advised of
this possibility.
Given the financi,aI cutbacks that the University
has endured over the last three years, Faculty resources
dictate that the degree program be phased in slowly.
For example, the first offering of the 3A EnvE tenn will
be in the Spring, 1997 term. Therefore, it is unlikely that
students currently in second year and beyond will be
able to participate. As welL enrolment in the Faculty of
Engineering is not being increased. Total admissions
into engineering at Waterloo are being held constant at
740 students.
The word is out and now the real work begins.
We'll keep you posted.
This summary was prepared by I.F. Macdonald, Chemical
Engineering, EA McBean, Civil Engineering, in consultation
with the Associate Dean for Undergraduate Studies, G.
Schneider and the Dean of Engineering, Dr. D.J. Bums. If
you require further information, please contact one of them.
Term
1AF
1BS
2AW
2BF
3AS
3BW
4AS
4BW
ChE 102
Math 114
Math 117
Phys 115
EnvE 100
GenE 121
GenE 123
Math 118
Phys 125
CSE 1
EnvE 101
EnvE 222
Math 210
ChE 012
ChE 023
Chern 026
EnvE 220
ERS 241
EnvE 213
Math 216
Bioi 250
- "
CSE3
ChE 032
ChE 033
EnvE 332
Bioi 454
CSE4
ChE 035
EnvE 331
EnvE 321
EnvE 333
ChE 041
EnvE 410
EnvE 422
EnvE 420
Tech Elective
EnvE 480
EnvE 483/481
EnvE 403
Tech Elective
Tech Elective
ChE 572
or
ChE 574
Table 1
ENvmONME TAL ENGINEERNG BASe PROGRAM
Chemical Engineering Branch
Control and Process Engineering Theme
Chemistry for Engineers
Algebra & Vector Geometry
Calculus 1
Mechanics
Env E Concepts 1 (incl. Graphics)
Digital Computation
Electrical Engineering
Calculus 2
Physics for Engineers
EnvE Concepts 2
Applied Math 1: Statistics
Advanced Calculus
Equilibrium Stage Operations
Phys Chern 1: Thermodynamics & Phase Equilibria
Organic Chern 1
Env Chern and Ecotoxicology
(CSE 2) Intro to Environmental and Social Impact
Assessment
Fluid Mechanics
Differential Equations
Ecology
Introductory Biotechnology
Process Engineering Thermodynamics
Inorg Environmental Process Principals
Environmenmental Toxicology 1
Mass Transfer
Instrumentation & Analysis Methods
Applied Math 2: Advanced Math
Chemical Reaction Engineering
Intro to Process Control
Transport Processes: EnvE Applications
Economics for ChE/EnvE Students
Modelling of the Environment
EnvE Project (0.25 cr)
EnvE Project (1 .0/0.75 cr)
(CSE 5) Environment: Regulations & Legal Issues
Air Pollution Control
Treatment of Aqueous Inorganic Wastes
Civil Engineering Branch
Waste Treatment and Management (WTM) Theme and Water and
Soil Qualily(WSO) Theme
ChE 102
Math 114
Math 117
Phys 115
EnvE 161
GenE 170
GenE 121
GenE 123
Math 118
Phys 125
CSE 1
EnvE 126
CivE 224
CivE 221
CivE 265
CivE 292
EnvS 200
EnvE 220
ERS 241
CivE 280
CivE 222
CivE 253
CSE3
CivE 375
CivE 353
EnvE 330
EnvE 320
ChE 032
Chem 026
CivE 381
EnvS 401
ChE 036
or
CivE 422
Earth 456
Bioi 454
CivE 472
EnvE 430
Chemistry for Engineers
Algebra & Vector Geometry
Calculus 1
Mechanics
EnvE Concepts 1
Graphics
Digital Computation
Electrical Engineering
Calculus 2
Physics for Engineers
EnvE Concepts 2
Probablility and Statistics
Advanced Calculus
Materials
Engineering Economics
Field Ecology (or Bioi 250)
Env Chem and Ecotoxicology
(CSE 2) Intro to Environmental & Social Impact
Assessment
Fluid and Thermal Sciences
Differential Equations
Geology for Engineers
Water Quality
Soil Mechanics
Field Sampling & Analysis Techniques
Environmental Resource Management
Introductory Biotechnology
Organic Chemistry 1
Hydraulics
Environmental Law (CSE 4)
(WTM) Chemical Reaction Engineering
(WSQ) Finite Element Analysis, or
(WSQ) Numerical Methods in Geoscience
Environmental Toxicology 1
Wastewater Treatment
EnvE Project 1
Tech Elective (WTM)
or
CivE 486 (WSQ) Hydrology
Tech Elective (WTM)
or
Earth 458
EnvE 431
CSE5
EnvE 477
Tech Elective
(WSQ) Physical Hydrogeology
EnvE Project 2
Solid Waste Management
ChE 574 (WTM) Treatment of Aqueous Inorganic Wastes
or EnvE 420 (WSQ) Modelling of the Environment
ChE 572
or
CivE 473
(WTM) Air Pollution Control
(WSQ) Contaminant Transport
Take Off with
CASI, UW!
1r
LJ-Te Cheng
SD grad, Chair CASI UW
Arguably one of the University of Waterloo's
most surprising secrets is that it has a student
branch of the Canadian Aeronautics and Space
Institute (CASD. With many student and profes-
sional branches
across various universities nationwide, CASI
strives to promote and educate about the latest
developments in space and aerospace research and
industry. Interested in what's going on today in
these leading edge fields? Keen on meeting people
involved .in the space and aerospace industry? Itch-
ing to beef up your space/aerospace vocabulary for
that big interview? Want to put something nifty on
the resume? If you said "YES!!!" then become a
member, and come out to the events we have
planned this term! If you said "forget iLl! then
come out anyway!
CASI UW Events Calendar (tentative):
June 16, guest speaker: Dr. Ken Money (DC]EM)
former Canadian astronaut
topic Humans and Spaceflight
June 23, guest speaker: Dr. James DeLaurier
(UTIAS)
topic Design of the UI1AS Ornithopter
July 7, guest speaker: Peter White, SEDS Canada
topic SEDS Canada - Students for the Explo
ration of Space I
AND ... a tour of the Astrophysics depart
ment's obsetvatory
OM lab tours (UW robotics lab):
July 14, tour of the P AMI Lab (Systems Design
portion of the OM lab)
July 21, tour of the Electrical Engineering portion
of the OM lab
July 28, tour of the Mechanical Engineering por
tion of the OM lab
Keep an eye out for our JX)Sters and updates on
the WATSTAR calendar for updates on these
events! There is also a regular advertisement on the
newsgroup uw.generaL Or sign up on our emailing
list by sending email to CASI@l308.watstar, and
you'll be regularly informed on what's going on in
CASIUW.
And finally, if you would like to meet the exec or

help out, then come out to the CASI UW exec meet-
ings, which are held regularly on Wednesdays at
3:30pm in E2-1306D. Feel free to email any com-
ments or questions!
I X

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WEEK STARnNGJUNE 16, 1984 ISSUE 1409
The Reflex Duran Duran Capitol
Time After Time Cyndi Lauper CBS
Let's Hear It For The Boy Deniece Williams CBS
Run Runaway Slade CBS
Dance Hall Days Wang Chung WEA
Oh Sherrie Steve Perry CBS
Relax Frankie Goes To Hollywood WEA
It's A Miracle Culture Club Polygram
Dancing In The Dark Bruce Springsteen WEA
I'll Wait Van Halen WEA
You Can't Get Whal You Want Joe Jackson A&M
Whisper To A Scream (Birds Fly) The Icicle Works Polygram
Original Sin INXS WEA
Wouldn'l It Be Good Nik Kershaw MCA
WMe Horse Laid Back WEA
My Ever Changing Moods The Style Council Polygram
They Don't Know Tracey Ullman MCA
The Heart of Rock & Roll Huey Lewis & The News MCA
Eyes Without A Face Billy Idol
I Want To Break Free Queen Capitol
You Might Think The Cars WEA
High On Emotion Chris deBurgh A&M
Sister Christian Night Ranger
Listen To The Radio The Pukka Orchestra CBS
Who's That Girl Eurythmics
Legs ZZTop WEA
Slrike Eddie Schwartz WEA
Self Control Laura Branigan
Jump (for my love) The Pointer Sisters
Meet Me In The Middle The Arrows
WKS
8
8
12
9
7
9
8
5
4
7
7
6
6
10
5
6
10
5
4
5
13
3
2
8
2
2
7
looking for
members. If you would like to
to try developing your own
black and white prints (artsy
photos or not) then sign up at
the orifice for the EngSoc Photo
Club. Memberships are $15
per term. To proccess your own
negatives and prints the Engi-
neering darkroom has all the
equipment and chemicals
(Except for the paper and nega-
tiv - TI,crc" a phott'>bTffiphy
shop in university plaYa) If you
need help using th darkroom
or choosing paper and film,
come to the Engineering dark
room, beside EL 211, on Mon-
day, June 13th at p ~ I would
Tales from Around the Campfire
A Bottle O'Djinn!
Indy
AICoH20LiCs
So you open the bottlc, and out pops a Genie.
Whadayamean? II could happen! So anyhow, out
pops this Genie, real impressive like, wi th a big clap of
thunder, and smoke, and lights and all that other stuff.
You wonder what exactly it is you' ve just inhaled from
this bottle, as he says IfJ will grant thee three wishes, 0
my Master!" . He wears an expression that reminds
you of Mr. Bizzle, your grade 4 teacher, the very last
time you told him "My dog ate it, sir". He speaks with
a voic that is deep and sombre, \ike an empty tomb,
since he's been locked in this bottle for four and a half
thousand years, and hasn't yet had the chance to see
II Aladdin". Being an acutely perspicacious (m Engi-
neer, you immediately reply, "I wish for an unlimited
number of wishes!". Now you've really got him by the
balls!
Th:is is perhaps a good place to stop and ponder
some interesting questions. Why do Genies have to be
male?
There. That should be enough time to ponder.
A more interesting question. How can a Genie
mallage to be so clumsy as to accidentally get himself
stoppered into a bottle??! I suppose someone else put
.... _ the stopper in. But what the hey was the Genie doing
sneaking around in a bottlc in the first place? Personal-
ly, if I'd just h,'ld the in.credibly good fortune of finding
a Genie with his butt sticking out of a bottle and a
handy-dandy 1:>topper to boot T'd unstopper (Is that a
word?) him again just to get the three wishes! Well,
enough pondering. Back to the story.
Now it's a well-known fact that Genies must pro-
vide exactly three wishes to anyone releasing them
from a bottle (Newton's Fundan'lental Law of Genies).
So if Zajhulum (that's the Genie's name, as you can
easily see from the large, yellow "Hello. My name is
Zajhulum" button he's wearing) follows the intent of
your wish, a C<l klS1TOphic rift in the fabric of time and
space il'iClf will su k the entire known universe into a
churning maelstrom of paradoxical doom. This is
obviously 11 t desirable.
But all is not lost. Aft r aU, Zajhulum is a enie.
He quickly wishes himself a solution, and replies,
"Your wish is granted, 0 my Master! You may ask
your next wish in ten billion years."
"Zounds and curses!" you shout. (Or a reasonable
approxinlation thereof.) "! want to modify my wish!"
"Sorry. Can't be done. Union regulations, you
know how it is."
"All right. OK I wish to retract my wish."
"You're sure you won't try to get more than one
more wish?"
"As sure as the engineering profs don't use the
bell curve."
"Right. It is done. Your wish is my command, 0
my Master!" replies Zajhulun'l genially. (Genies have
to be genial. After all, it's in their name.)
You breathe a sigh of relief. What will you
wish for? Money? Power? Fame? A co-op
placement?
"I wish you to immediately be stoppered up
in the bottle again!"
Wow! Did you just say that? Good. thinking!
So you w1Stopper the bottle again.
"YOU I SOLE T MORTAL!!! HOW DARE
YOU 00 THAT!" Zajhulum appears to have lost
some of his geniality! "I ought to blast you to oblivion
right now!"
''You can't do that, I haven't wished it!" you point
out.
"What, you think I have no will of my own?fff
"But if you destroy me, then I won' t be able to ask
my three wishes!"
'Thanks! For a minute there I was actually consid-
ering letting you live." Zajhulum draws back. A black
nothingness, shot through with flashes of void, draws
in around his upstretched hands. His eyes tum to
swirling red and green fire, and an evil ''Beaumont''
grin curdles the comers of his milky smile. A horren-
dous cackling chortle oozes from his angry maw. He
swells immensely, towering above you. He draws
back, preparing to hurtle a ball of black hellfire through
your sternum.
"I wish you to never harm me."
Wow! You're amazing! You're fantastic! Stupen-
dous! You must be an engineerl You have just looked
death in the eye, and stared it down with a calm power
that rivals that of the eternal Tool! (Well, actually, you
may need to invest in some new shorts, but at least
you' re alive.) Too bad Zajhulum isn' t quite so cool.
Zajhulum's brain begins a slow broiL His cheeks
puff out, and smoke begins to billow out of his ears.
He hurls the fireball at the math building, which aum-
bles like so much flimsy calculus. He lets out an
anguished scream, which sounds something like
"AAURRAUROWAUGHABAROUGHGHG!!!!"
''I wish my shorts were clean. I wish you were
immediately stoppered up in the bottle again."
There is a clap of thunder, and a strange sucking
sound, like glass breaking, played backwards on a
cheap walkman, underwater. Sitting on the table
before you is a bottle of molten rum. You breathe a
shaky sigh of reliet and the next day you mail the bot-
tle to Timbalaba, Atlantis. At least- you know why
genies show up in strange places, stoppered in bottles!
Pirates in Tight Pan s
Kim Farwell
Erotichem
A little culture was added to Engineering this term
with a trip to Stratford to catch a preview of Pirates of
Penzance, which will have officially opened by the
time you read this. Pirates is likely to be the smash hit
of the Stratford Festival. The Gilbert and Sullivan musi-
cal is no longer under copyright, therefore it is permis-
sible to do a little playing with the script... Whether you
are a COlUloisseur or a Pirates virgin, this play is a must-
If you know the script, you'll puzzle over the cast of
characters listed in the program. Is it the same play?
I There are a whole bunch of names you won't recog-
nize. That's because it's been spruced up a bit, sort of
along the lines of Kiss Me, Kate (an upbeat version of
The Taming of the Shrew - W. Shakespeare, though
not to insult your intelligence!) Picture a hand-cranked
movie projector in a Hollywood studio during the early
stages of the "talkies," where Pirates is being filmed.
The cast is a prim and proper seasoned British theatre
troupe and the director is a tyrannous German who
wants to "see a little flesh."
Traditionally musicals were performed in Stratford's
Avon Theatre, which is a regular stage arrangement
with curt:ams and side-wings. However, Pirates of Pen-
zance is performed. in the Festival Theatre, ie. theatre-
in-the-round (no curtains). Th:is requires minimalistic
sets and creative changes. Of course the under-lying
movie plot greatly assisted with this. If it's okay to
have a little fun with the script, it's okay to have a little
fun with the set, too.
Pira tes of Penzance was written as a spoof in the first
place. It's f1.mny, it's upbeat. Even if you hate musi-
cals, there is just too much else happening in Pirates to
concern yourself in the fact it's a musiG:'l. And, if you
hate spoofs, well, there' s more to it than a spoof.
Remember, this is a dynamite rendition, with brilliant
additions to an awesome script that has been a staple
of the stage for over a hundred years. And the Strat-
ford Festival attracts Canada' s best talent. They had a
lot to work with and they used it well.
The greatest weakness in the orign'lal script was that
it ended too quickly. For a plot line that resembled a
bottomless can of worms, the lid went on awfully fast.
Almost so fast that the audience only realized it was
over when the actors started doing curtain calls. This
Pirates of Penzance solved that problem with well
choreographed non-verbal story lines as the pirates,
policemen and daughters of the Major-General chased
each other all over the grounds of the Major-General's
estate. Including a little scene with the Pirate King, a
bullwhip and a few ideas that might go over well for
Operation Leather Storm.
The play is so upbeat and action-packed, that the
extended farewell between Frederick and Mabel starts
to lag. It is one of the few serious scenes in the play
and it is almost too much of a change of pace from the
ambitious level of energy maintained throughout the
performance. It is the sort of play where the actors
feed off energy from the audience and you leave the
theater exhausted; reality isn't quite the same as it was
before the play began. It was a standing ovation per-
fonnance and well deserved. Go see it. It's worth it.
The Sandford Fleming Foundation
4306 Carl Pollock HaJl, University of Waterloo
Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3G1
Waterloo Campus Activities
(519) 888-4008
Thirteen silver medals were given to students from across the eight branches of engineering. at the May 1994 Convocation .
.9kdemic '4.cdfence Co-Operative Proftcienc!J
Michael N. Santos, CIiemiaU'EnjJineerin!J
Evan C. Bentz. Civil'EnjJineerin!J
Neil L. Shipp. Computer 'Engineering
Mark S. Davis, 'E1ectrical'EnjJineerin!J
Chi Tam Nguyen,
Lowell L. WingerSymms t])esign.
Katrin M. Schliewen, (jeowgic4{ 'EnjJineerin!J
Lyle Strub, Management Scienas Option.
Norbert Horvat.
Gregory DaRe,
Stephen C. w.
Carey W. Mar, 9,{ec!umicai 'EnjJineerin!J
U-Te Cheng, System.s 'l>lsifJn 'EJlginurilfg
The Ritual of the
Calling of an Engineer
Kim Farwell
Erotichem
Someday you are going to get your Iron Ring. Some
of you sooner than others. But with midterms looming
(and some lucky folks are already done) even the 4A's
don't have much time on their hands for rounting the
days to the IRS. Yup yup yup. Great excuse to dress
up in funny clothes and drink all day. Hey, I'm not
knocking it. I'm impatiently awaiting my own Iron
Ring Stag, and have been since I began the engineering
sojown. Unfortunately with all the hype about the per-
fect Goodwill outfit, wearing your boxers and getting a
little piece of stainless steel (that's what they use nowa-
days) for your finger, the true reason for the celebration
gets lost behind hideous ties and obnoxious clinking of
rings.
One man had a dream. Professor HE.T. Hultain of
U of T was the luncheon speaker at the Thirty-Sixth
Annual Professional Meeting of The Engineering Insti-
tute of Canada. He spoke about '''The Romance of
Engineering" and the potential for tribal spirit and
brotherhood in this profession. He envisioned some-
thing like the Hippocratic Oath of the medical profes-
sion; something to bind all engineers to common
understanding, no matter where they work or where
they were educated. Present at this Meeting were
seven past-presidents of the Institute, and they elected
to form a committee to act on this proposal. 1his was
January 25, 1922.
The rommittee approached Rudyard Kipling with
this idea. They immediately found another believer.
Kipling ,,,rote the Ritual of the Calling of an Engineer;
binding Engineers to their profession. The ritual is not
an oa th, but an Obligation to the profession and to. one-
self.
Cold iron of honourable tradition. Iron: strong,
hard, but can be made into many things with the right
tools and a skilled pair of hands. The hammer, the
anvil and the chain. They are a part of the Ritual, the
Obligation, and the Engineer wears a ring of iron to
remind him of his Obligation and of them. Cold iron.
But in the hands of an Engineer, it is wann.
The Obligation was first taken on April 25, 1925 at
the University of Montreal by six engineers. It was
repeated on May 1 in Toronto, obligating fourteen
more engineers. In a letter Rudyard Kipling stated:
"The Ceremonies which have taken place rank as
Ancient Landmarks, since they form the beginning of
what, it is to be hoped, will be a permanent and world-
wide Ritual." Though he was concerned that the
potency of the ceremony would be lost with time, as he
knew that the Seven Past-Presidents would net be
available to administer the Obligation at all schools
across the rountry. So Camps were established. Each
camp with seven wardens, who themselves were
Obligated engineers.
There are 21 Camps across Canada today. Each
Camp has seven wardens who administer the Obliga-
tion to the graduating engineers from schools within
their jurisdiction. The first Camp was established in
Toronto in 1925. Camp 15 was inaugurated here in
Waterloo on September 18, 1%2. Nineteen engineers
from the Waterloo area were Obligated on March 26,
1963. One hundred and five graduating engineers
were Obligated on June 4 of the same year.
The Camps have the responsibility to maintain a cer-
tain continuity between ceremonies of different years
and different locations, though each Camp imparts
some of its own traditions. The Iron Ring Stag is a tra-
dition of Camp 15, Waterloo. No one else seems to.
have the urge to recycle clothing in that manner. And
each Camp has its own hammer, anvil and chain which
have their own significance. Camp I, Toronto's anvil
was forged from one of the main pins of the cantilever
bridge which once spanned the Reversing Falls in New
Brunswick Part of the chain at Camp 2, Montreal was
used in the erection of I.e Pont du Quebec. The ham-
mer and anvil at Camp 5, Vanrouver were used in the
ronstruction of the Board's water tunnel. The hammer
from Camp 8, Winnipeg was presented by a Camp
Warden, who had received it during his apprenticeship
in EuroIX! over fifty years before.
It is ahnost St."\.' nty y 11$ sin<.'t' th ' first Rih.1.Il o! th>
Calling of an Engin There re <l I t of pt'Opl ' wmr-
ing Iron Rings, including somt' wh did not grad14\k'
here in Canada, but w rc obligated in th san fashion
at pedal ceremonies. It was the wish of Rudyard
Kipling that this Ritual would be shnrcd by the world;
that OUT brotherhood/ ist rho.od would grow. We
hav to believ in our Obligation. The C1mp Wardens
all across the country believe, because they I<Ikc time to
share the Ritual with each grad141ting s.
Why is there so little said about the Ritual of th
ing of an Engineer? Yeah, I know it's upposcd lo be a
private cer mony shared only by enginccrs, but it
upsets me that most of tl1e general public don't know
that engineers in this country have an Obligation.
Heck, unless you live with/work with/or go to school
with engineers, you probably don't even know
those little silvery rings you see JX>()plc wearing aren't
just a decoration. And when your big day comes,
before you have another afternoon beer, -;top and think""-
because you might want to remember the seriou . part,
the Ritual. Believe.
Engineering Society Fee Referendum
Michael Worry
VPFinance
The Engineering Society provides a wide range of
services to its members. Unfortunately EngSoc has
been faced with rising costs and has had to reduce bud-
geting for many projects we've typically supported for
the benefit of the student body. To better provide to the
demands of our students, we are considering raising
the Engineering Society Student fee from $10.50 to
$14.00. There will be a referendum held this term to
determine student support, and we encourage you to
vote yes!
EngSoc currently provides funding and services for:
C&D
POETS
FroshWeek
Pubs
Athletics
P"'S
Recycling
Shadow Program
SAC
Iron Warrior
EngiNewsletter
Alison Pearse
President
Hiya there every-
one! Midterms and
labs due dates are
approaching rather
rapidly and I'm
thinking that I would
like to be climbing
big rocks or swim-
ming vast lakes or even just vegging with a cold bever-
age beside a kiddie pool (anything but work) for the
rest of the summer. Anyone interested in joining me ...
bonus points if you own a climbing rope!
A thought for some of the upper year c1asses (that
means anyone 2A and above!), how about getting to
know the younger classes in your department? Throw
a party, have a barbecue, arrange something for your
class and others in your department and bond. Bond-
ing isgoocl!
The Iron Warrior is looking for help solicit-
ing advertising revenue for the paper. If
anyone is interested in making some
money for themselves and for the
paper, please contact Kim Farwell, the
Iron Warrior Editor. If there are any
local businesses that you patronize
frequently, ask them if they will
advertise in the IW. Get involved
and make some cash at the same
time, this oppourtunity
~
doesn't come along every
day!
Come on out for awe-
some food in CPH, on
Tuesdays and Thursdays
Betty - Orifice 5ecretaIy
Course Critiques
Old Midterms & Finals
Semi-Formal
Eng Week
Take Some News
The TOOL
Photocopiers
Darkroom
Novelties
Canada Day
Frontrunners
Special Events
Sandford Fleming
Watpubs
This fee increase would allow the following improve-
ments:
Restoring EngSoc support to reduced budgets and
re-establishing our backup fund.
Better prizes for Athletics, P*>5 and Special Events
More POETS Pubs
More social events
Funding for fenced in POETS Patio
Expanding Orifice computing facilities
EngSoc History Display I Trophy Case
Concrete Toboggan sells burgers and sausages on
POETS Patio and on Friday at lunch time Grad Comm
will be selling Fed Pizza for the low low price of $1.50 a
slice (bigger and better tasting than Ginos!).
Thanks to the Social Directors Dragana Beara and
Stephan Schweighofer for treating us to two ends of
the social spectrum; road trips to enjoy Pirates of Pen-
zance at the Stratford Festival and to the Brunswick
House in Toronto. A fun time was had by all! There is
something going on for everyone, so make sure your
c1ass reps are keeping your c1ass informed of events.
Thanks also to Tony Francelj and Florijan Papa (our
Athletics Directors) for nmning the Mudbowl on Sun-
day. There were no serious injuries (that I've heard of
... ), it was an awesome day and ... Erotichem (4A
Chemical) won! What more could you want?
On Saturday, the Arts Boar was sited in front of the
Modem Languages Building, adorned with the Engi-
neering Logo, as well as purple gauze and pink satin
ribbons (brings a picture to mind doesn't it?). The Boar
is being fixed there permanently (in concrete), so that it
doesn't go missing again The Boar used
to sit in the foyer of the Modem lan-
guages Building. It was known to
disappear and then reappear in
front of P.o.E.T.s. on a number of
occasions a guess it was fond of
us and can you blame it?). A few
years ago in went into storage, to
be brought out again for penna-
nent siting when a location was
decided. Anyway, the whole pur-
pose of our being at this ceremony
was to pledge to be the defenders of the
Boar ... thanks to everyone that came out
and helped make our presence felt (you
couldn't miss us), and to Bill Baer for
Provide funding for capital purcllaSes over the
next five years
Increase our influence as a society able to represent
Student Engineers' viewpoints
There are many events that Engineering has nm in
the past, that typically break even, but which we are
hesitant to hold now because budgetary constraints
leave little margin for the unexpected. It is difficult to
forecast what capital expenditures will arise over the
next five years- for example if the C&D needed
expanding, the POETS big screen TV broke down, the
Iron Warrior needed new equipment. Currently there
is no funding available for when such needs arise.
Note that the EngSoc fee has not raised in 6 years-
in 1988 it was raised from $8.50 to its current $10.50.
Many EngSoc activities such as the C&D, Iron Warrior,
Semi-Formal, and other social events are operated as
services and are budgeted to break even. If this fee
increase is not approved we will be forced to find other
sources of income- raising C&D and novelties prices,
charging more for social events, athletics entrance fees-
all the things we DON'T want to do! So please allow us
to continue to expand our EngSoc activities- when the
referendum occurs later this term, vote yes for EngSoc
Fee Increase!
working with me to organize our part of the ceremony!
The Federation of Students is nmning a logo contest,
please send submissions to the Feds in the Campus
Center for big prizes (250 big ones I believe!).
o m ~ events that are coming up quickly and are not
to be missed are the Off-Ring Road Classic Gune 11),
Operation Leather Storm Guly 8), free movies every
Tuesday night in P.O.E.T.s., a road trip to Canadas
Wonderland Guly IS) ... the list goes on, check the cal-
endar in the Orifice or the White Board outside
P.o.E.T.S. for more information
T e Feds Spew Big Ch nks
Avvey Peters
Sr. Officer Internal Affairs
Hey all ...
This is kind of a new thing for the Feds, but Kim
assures me that with ptactice, the Feels will be able to
spew with the best of them. So here goes ...
PREZSTIJFF
Stephen C is pretty comfy in his new surroundings
up at the Fed office ... we're trying not to be too rough
on him until he learns the ropes. Drop by and see him
sometime. He's got a couple of big things on the go
right now, including the cooperative Feds-GSA cam-
paign to protest the elimination of OHIP benefits for
international students. Petitions are circulating around
campus ... drop by the Orifice if you'd like to sign.
The Council of Ontario Universities has approved a
plan that will offer benefits to international students;
the plan offers similar coverage to that of OHIP (physi-
cians and hospital care) and is carried by Blue Cross.
The cost to International Students will be $496 ingle,
$1,013 for two, and $1,570 for a family of three or more.
like everything else these days, these prices are subject
to 8% retail sales tax.
Stephen is also looking for undergraduate students to
sit on the Student Services Advi ory Committee
(SSAC); SSAC reviews student services supported by
ancillary and/or tuition-related fees. There/s a tudent
majority on this 11 member committee, which means
the student vote can make a big difference. If you have
any questions about SSAC, please contact Stephen at
x2478 or at fedpres@watservl.
Stephen's cohort Dave (Academic Affairs honcho)
has some stuff in the works too ... there's a co-op recep-
tion at Fed Hall on June 27th at 4:30 pm Hence, being
co-op students, all engineers are invited. And try your
luck at Frisbee Golf to win some great prizes ... there's a
tournament being held on July 22. For more info, call
Dave at x2.34O or e-mail fedacad@watservl.
VPOFSTIJFF
Christine and I are working on a communica-
tions survey, to find out how students find out
about "stuff" on campus. New ideas for commu-
nicating are a "Students' Comer" (a la CITY 1V),
and some programming on Rogers Cable. You
should be hearing more about all of this later this
term. We're also trying to improve communica-
tion between all the different student groups on
campus, by way of resoun:e handbooks for s0ci-
eties, clubs and services. Those should be avail-
able next month.
And the Feels are holding a contest to come up
with a new logo for the organization: we're look-
ing for something that reflects the Feels commit-
Michael Worry
VP- Finance
Hellos from the land of budgets, taxes
and late nights in the Orifice. I ""on't say
much here, but please read my articles on
the changes to the C&D and the EngSoc
Fee. If you have any questions as to ho""
Engineering spends their money, my
books are open to the Society. Yve spent a
long ti:rne organizing them from the,
L---...::...... _______ ..... un:unrn, incomplete, state they ""ere left
in.
Other than that, I encourage all Engineers to become
involved '\!Vith the Society. Just stick your head in the Orifice
once in a ""hUe and see ""hat's happening. There are al""ays
lots of places for energetic people - you'll learn stuff outside
of class that you'll actually use in real life, develop valuable
contacts and it looks great on a resUIne!
ment to students, our long history as an independent
organization, our service-oriented nature, our $4.3 mil-
lion corpotate status, and the fact that we' re here to
make a difference. So, if you think you can express that
in a great new logo to go with our new exec. and our
new building, then submit your design on 8.5" 11" to
the Fed Office (CC 235) along with tl1e contest entry
fum1 (available at th office) ...
AND YOU COULD WlN $250!!!!!!
... could come in handy, don't you think?
VPUASTUFF
Julie and Karin (Student Issues guru) are studying
sexual harassment among tudents. Policy 33 of the
University (dealing witl, sexual harassment) is under-
going revisions, 311d we're trying to make sure stu-
dents have tl1eir say. If you have had an experience
with sexual harassment either on campus, or on a c0-
op placement, Julie and Karin would like to make the
University aware that sexual harassment is happening
to students. Please either drop by and talk to
Julie/Karin, or drop off an anonymous letter explain-
ing your concerns and your experience. Both women
have mailboxes in the Fed office, or can be reached at
fedvpua@Watservl.
And PAL.S. (Peer Assistance Links Service) is up
and running again for the summer, on shorLened
hours: call on- W"S 7-1 P
So there you have it... the fIrSt Fed "Spew" of the
term. That just about covers what we're up to these
days ... and if you have any questions, or anything
remarkable and insightful to share, feel free to call
x6331 or e-mail me at fedintm@Watservl.
f l ~ Birthday to The. TOOL
Dave Thompson
VP/nternal
hehehe. What it
is, MamaL.Blat
Dere, ah' spewed.
O.K., so's dere's
mo'e where dat
came fum, but
instead I'll plum
fake it here on dis
page. What it is, Mama! What's cornin' down ya' may
ax' yo'self, 0' ya' may be wonderin' whut ya' missed.
Sheeit,let me try t'fill ya' in. 'S coo', bro ...
De roadtrip t'Stratfo'd t'see Pirates uh Penzance,
some humo'ous tale uh sin'in' pirates and deir foibles,
wuz enjoyed by all who went, 'sept dose ova' 5'6/1. De
show wuz quite enjoyable, but da damn seatin' left
sump'n t'be desired. It seems as dough Systems folks
are da damn only ones who appreciate some little cul-
ture in deir lives, but dey've always been some little
different
Engweek wuz held right afta' de long weekend.
Dose who participated had some most enjoyable time,
swimmin' in inflatable pools, goin' on booze gun ram-
pages, and doin' oda' liquid related events. But no one
came out t'drow sponges at me. What it is, Mama! ah'
stayed dry, despite Kyle's best effo'ts.
Kyle, now dere wuz some wet individual, but dat's
anoda'sto'y,rightG.P.?
As ah' scribble dis, de Bnmswick House Road Trip
be approachin' fast. I'll downdate ya' later. Ah be
baaad ..
What it is, Mama!
Opuh'shun l..eada' Sto'm be approachin' fast .. but it's
top secret.
If youse goin' t'be around on Canada Day, 0' need
an 'suse not t'visit yo' significant
oder's grandparents, mosey on down and see Vid-
dIes 0' Matt in de Orifice. What it is, Mama! Dey are
lookin' fo' sucka's to help out wid de festivities. ah'
dink ya' may even git some nifty t-shirt and some wee
party drown in fo' baaaad measho' nuff. Details t'fol-
low, 0' rap t'ViddIes and Matt
later. Ahbebaaad .....
De Brunswick House Roadtrip gots back not too
long ago, and ah' gots'ta finish dis befo' e dey'll
let me sleep. ah' dink dat all 'Bomba' staff should be
tralned at da damn Brunny. Slap rnah fro! Po' 'esam-
pIe, Mario, to indicate dat he wuz finished wid his
pitcher, put it on top uh his 'haid. Various oders
oomenced t'drow peanuts into it De co'red response
fum de bounca' (really big-ass guy) wuz '18 dat some
hint?/I We wuz all real impressed wid his panache,
and not bein' used t'reasonable bouncers, wuz quite
swprised. Needless t'say, all had some great time.
What it is, Mama! Cheap drinks, free peanuts, and
baaaad beat make da damn weekend go ... smoodly.
Slap mah. fro!
If ya' aint already noticed, dis place called da damn
Orifice be a real impo'tant place fo' engineers. It's
kinda likes de Batcave. What it is, Marna! If ya' wanna
know sump'n, 0' are plum lookin' fo' a cool place
t'hang out, check it out We even gots' our own fount
uh knowledge (plum likes de Batclunker), Betty, and if
she duzn't know it ya' kin always count on Mario de
Orifice Denizen fo' an endless source uh useless
info'mashun about greaser Soccer. Ah be baaad ...
And, den dere's us, de Exec. Remember, we're slow

movin' and easily tempted by Gyros.
: De only 'suse fo' havin' foe wheels, be havin' two
bikes.
Claire Anderson
VP-External
I would like to thank everyone who
applied to attend the FSSCO AGM con-
ference in Ottawa. Unfortunately, we
don't have enough space (translation: $) to
take everybody. Those attending will be:
Jason Wood (4A Chern), Jennifer Smith
(2B Geo) and Mario Bellabarba (3A Civil)
and me! I would like to take this opportu- ______ --'
nity to encourage you all to apply for the conferences that come up every
term. I will by to inform you of them through my spews and at EngSoc
meetings, but please feel free to ask me about what is avaiJable at any time.
Planning is under way for the 1994-95 Bridging The Gap I..ecture Series.
For those of you who aren't familiar with this program, it is a series of seven
lectures given from September to March co-sponsored by the Engineering
Society, The Dean of Engineering and the Centre for Society, Technology
and Values. The purpose of the series is to provide engineering students
with exposure to an assortment of non-technical issues. Currently, a list of
potential speakers is being assembled. Suggestions of topics for lectures
and/or speakers are welcomed. Please direct all suggestions to me.
Canada Day is quickly approaching and Viddles
and Matt are working hard to put together
EngSoc's contribution to the events at Columbia lake. Traditionally, engineer-
ing students nm the "Kiddie Olympics" - games and activities for the chil-
dren in attendance. The Olympics are held in the afternoon, followed by
fireworks in the evening and then a get-together for all the volunteers (free
BEvERages will be avaiJable). Also, all those that volunteer receive a T-
shirt, free lunch and other cool stuff: If you don't have plans for the long
weekend yet, stick around and join us at Columbia lake, its a BLASf! (and
I almost forgot, all participants receive tons 0' P"'S points).
Lastly, the co-chair for the 1996 Canadian Congress of Engineering has
been chosen (this is the conference that we will be hosting in 1996). Amy
McC1everty (3A SO) will be EngSoc B's chairperson for this HUGE event
Amy has already got some great ideas on the go and I know she will do
an awesome job. As this event will be so Iarge, she will need help of all ....
kinds in order for it to be a success. There will be an organizational
meeting in the near future for those that are interested in being a part
of this inCredible event. For more information, talk to me or Amy.
Peter Roschke
Endowment Director
Just a quick reminder to everyone that the WEEF proposal deadline is Mon-
day June 13. If you know of any undergraduate lab / project / organization etc.
that could use some extra funding, talk to your WEEF rep or get a proposal form
from the Orifice.
I also want to thank all of you out there that supported the WEEF this term
through the VSC. I know that tuition has been rising for the past few years and
'--------------' that some of you are struggling to make ends meet - your commitment to your
university is phenomenal
--
Feed Me!
Clark
Everyone else is spewing 1tlis
issue, so I may as well add my
two cents. But I wish it was more
Womyn Can't Spell
Kim Farwell
Editor
'Womyn." My spell check doesn't accept it Not that I use that to gauge anything. My spell
checker is American and doesn't except things like neighbour ( pelled with a ''u''). 'Womyn" isn't
in my dictionary. The closest I can come, in fad, is: women. The plural fonn of the female gender
of the Homo Sapiens sapiens species.
So, what's the deal here? I have been infonned that "womyn" refers to a group of the above who
object to association with the root "men". Give me a break. So, are you femayle as well? The
spelling of a word proves nothing. If women can't get beyond the mere spelling of their gender
title, we have a lot farther to go than we think.
What's wrong with men? What's wrong with being associated with men? I like men. I even
love some of them. Naomi Wolf wrote a wonderful article in the May issue of Cosmopolitan titled:
"Can you be a Feminist and Love Men too?" Until I read tllis article, r had trouble associating
myself with the feminist movement. I support the fundamentals of feminism, but there are too
many radical ideas that r simply disagree with. 'Womyn" is on of tllem. I don't understand ilie
concept
Men are not to blame for ilie situation women are in today. They are only guilty of mimicking
ilieir role models (who, of course, mimicked theirs). We go all the way back to prehistory when we
lived in QlVes. Darwinian theory prevailed; survival of the fittest. To put it bluntly, women who
hunted didn't make very good mothers. Hardships were many. Children didn't survive. And
remember that due to poorer diets women matured later and lived only about 34 years so the clUld-
bearing period was relatively short. To maintain tribal population, women had to be pregnant or
nursing most of the time. Obviously, hunting fell to the men.
Now that day to day survival is no longer a concern, and modern medicine keeps more clUldren
alive, women have ilie opportunity to expand from being population-producers, to pursue oilier
interests and contribute to the development of society in other ways. This is a wonderful example
of ilie social level our race has achieved.
So, why do "womyn" seem intent on alienating men? As women's roles change, men's roles are
forced to change too. This is easier if men understand and support the new roles for botll sexes.
What this means is that instead of alienating men, we need to edUQlte them. Even though 51 % of
the world's population is female, men are still better edUQlted, have more employable skills and
control more of ilie world' s resources and finances tl1an women. Doesn't it make sense to have
noULsid ?
Women also have to reconsider their expectations. We are trying to change roles that bave been
in place for tens of thousands of years. We are doing it be<ause women have more to offer than a
womb; be<ause our society can support it; be<A.use our survival is going to depend on knowledge
and technology and our population is too big already. But it isn't going to happen overnight! And
in the historical scheme of iliings, our expectations are a little high.
Be patient. If each woman can bring two men to understand the fundamentals of a truly equal
society in her lifetime, her great-granddaughters will grow up with equality. Quotas aren' t going to
do it. Preaching anti-male sentiments only Qluses resentment. Do we expect men to support and
respect "womyn"? I don't.
Men, guys, all this woman/girl! chick, asks is that you listen to us wiili an open mind and try to
understand that we don't want to take away what you have, we just want to find a way to share it.
than two cents. The Big Red Issue, gang. We are in 1tle red. We
need more people to get involved, not just in advertising, but in all
aspects of publishing 1tlis creature. That way o1tler s1aff-type people
will have time to look for advertisers. f.s it is right now, we barely get
a 1tle ropy edited.
It's 5:50 am. The layout is almost done. The poutine and espresso have wom off.
Greg seems to be missing in action 1tlis issue. Dunno. Midterms? Dates? Dunno.
Gotta say 1tlanks to Memorial U. out in Newfoundland (MUN to some) for 1tleir wonderful End-<>f-Term
party that single-handedly set Engineering back about fifteen years. This party involved dragging female
colleagues up on stage to give 1tlem awards for various physical attributes. You know what I mean. I
1hought we were well beyond that. It's about time that we took our reputation seriously, since Engineering is
a professional degree program. MUN gets a Big Red Bite for that one.
Just gotta Say 1tlanks for 1tle loads of submissions 1tlis issue. Keep it up. I love it. However, please
submit stuff on diskette with NO FORMA DING. I repeat: NO FORMA DING. Otherwise I have to
unformat it before I transfer it into 1tle Mac, and I'm not very careful about reformatting it 1tle way you wanted.
If you want special formatting for a word or phrase or whatever, try (bold) 1tlis, and it will tum out like this.
And whoever left those cookies in my box, they were yummy. They were my dinner on Saturday. Oh,
1heyweren'tforme? Well, they were really yummy. Thanks .
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