Bludgeoned, hacked and poleaxed!

My skullshattering stab at medieval fighting, the world's most violent hobby

By Tom Mitchelson PUBLISHED: 23:01 GMT, 21 August 2013 | UPDATED: 10:24 GMT, 22 August 2013

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Crash! A poleaxe smashes down on my helmet, loosening the fillings in my teeth. Clang! A sword whacks me on the side, and while Im still trying to work out if my ribs are intact ... Crunch! A shield is thrust against my chest, sending me reeling backwards. Im beginning to wish Id tried a genteel martial art, such as kick-boxing or cage fighting. Full-contact medieval fighting is a lot more martial than it is art, and unlikely to be recognised as an Olympic sport any time soon. Scroll down for video

Dented pride: Tom Mitchelson engages in medieval fighting, a violent sport fast-growing in popularity

Fighting fit: The first medieval fighting world championships were held four years ago

Heavy going: Writer Tom Mitchelson in training at Ludlow Castle in Shropshire

Indeed, whatever its fans and participants say, Im not certain it can be called a sport at all, given that it essentially involves men dressed as warriors from the Middle Ages attacking each other with real weapons

until their enemies are beaten to the ground. However, more and more people are pardon the pun taking a stab at it. At the first world championships four years ago, the only countries to compete were Poland, Russia, Latvia and Lithuania. This year, 24 nations took part. The event attracted 17,000 spectators and the online broadcast had half a million viewers. Team UK even got to the quarter finals of the world championships. Full-contact fighting grew out of the popular historical re-enactment societies that have sprung up across Britain, and was driven by people who craved a more challenging experience than marching forward in a line and pretending to die when someone shoots blanks at you from 50 yards away. In the UK there are some 250 participants. Team UK is funded by sponsorship and takes part in 25 shows a year, watched by up to 15,000 people.
The world's most violent hobby? Medieval fighting

The rules are minimal: the weapons are not allowed to be sharpened, while stabbing, stamping and horizontal strikes to the back of the neck are forbidden. Other than that, anything goes. Sword fights in the Middle Ages werent like the balletic physical chess of fencing. The weapons medieval fighters used such as poleaxes, broadswords, maces and bludgeons often had heavy cutting edges designed to slice through leather tabards or chain or plate mail, and hack into the human body. Unsurprisingly, even today when the weapons are blunt injuries are common. Few fighters will escape the occasional black eye, split ear, torn ligament, dislocated shoulder or broken arm. In the spirit of the old adage that you should try anything once except Morris dancing and incest, I decided to give it a go.

Crushing disappointment: Around 250 people around the country take part in medieval fighting

Medieval times: Weapons used include poleaxes, broadswords, maces and bludgeons

I went to Ludlow Castle in Shropshire to join Team UK on an intensive training day to see if I could as it were hack it. Preparing for combat is a complicated business. A full set of armour costs around 1,500 from a professional armourer. Im borrowing a set. First I don a thick, padded coat. It is the hottest day of the year and Im getting dressed for an arctic winter. The coat provides a base for the steel breast and back plates which follow. Next are the knee plates, shoulder guards and finally a padded hat to cushion my helmet. Ive been looking rather anxiously for the steel cod piece. Sadly it is not forthcoming. Mark Annable, the 42-year-old Team UK captain, helps me dress. Were going to bulk you up, he says. Youre a skinny blighter. Unmanly, Id say. Mark, a props maker by profession, is a ruddy-looking, solid sort of chap, with a low centre of gravity. Difficult to knock over, I imagine. Unlike me. Im reasonably fit but Im not sure if this will help defend me against a battleaxe. Is this really such a good idea? Mark tells me that once Ive done it, Ill have a new-found confidence. Youll hold yourself differently, he says. Casting my eye over the weapons well be using, I hope he doesnt mean that literally. Its a frightening arsenal of heavy-duty timber and iron (the two-handed swords weigh 3kg).

Walloped: A full set of armour can cost around 1,500. Pictured, Tom crashed out

As a bloke, you need to vent your anger and testosterone, says Mark. When you come off the field you know youve earned your stripes. I ask Mark what else he gets out it. I suffer with severe anger issues, he says with unnerving frankness. Fortunately, bashing the hell out of someone with an axe has provided an outlet for his anger, and he says he is now a lot more serene. Although at the moment this is a male-only sport, women arent excluded. Mark tells me his wife thinks its silly, but many of the other wives join the festivities pitching medieval tents, cooking on fires, acting as squires to their warring husbands and dressing in the appropriate garb. Other men in the team have jobs including project manager in an engineering company, working for heritage outfits, and IT. Sam, 24, another team member, has just finished his second tour of Afghanistan as a soldier and loves the thrill this stuff gives him. This is the best rush I can get without going back into a firefight in a war zone! he says. Peter, 44, works as an armourer making weapons and armour for re-enactment companies. At 6 ft 6 in and weighing 20 stone he looks like he could do a lot of damage to an opponent probably with his bare hands. Today, though, hes disappointed: he has to leave early because his dog-sitter has cancelled. I love my dog, he says, and shows me the tattoo on his arm of his furry friend Thor. Youre a big softie, really, I say, and he cheerily agrees. For Joe, an 18-year-old newcomer, the appeal of the game is simple. Theres not many places you can hit your friend on the head with a hammer and not go to prison, he says. He certainly has a point.

I watch one of the demonstration fights. Its chaotic, extremely violent and brutal. Visitors to the castle look on in horror as the combatants chop at each other with heavy, fearsome-looking blades. So far as I can tell, their attitude to health and safety is somewhat wrong war, I know cavalier. Then, suddenly, I get my call to arms and Mark hands me my helmet. Ready?

Suited and booted: Tom gets prepared for battle with large amounts of padding and metal armour

The huge, wraparound helmet is snug against its padded liner. Its ominously marked with dents and, once its on, along with the rest of the armour, Im almost eight stone heavier than when I started. I feel as if Im about to cage fight in my own personal cage. Mark passes me my shield, and I immediately wish it was bigger. Mark then strikes me without warning with his sword nine or ten times. You need to get used to being hit so you dont get stunned, he says. Thanks, I manage to gasp, insincerely. A man staggers over to us from the battlefield. A screw from his helmet came out during the fracas and he was hit in the head with a fist. His left eye is swelling and hes bleeding. Im still a bit shaky, but I was just unlucky, he says. I can see you need a hug, I tell him. Its hard to get my arms around him with all the armour but after a lot of clanking, I think he appreciates it. Were divided up into teams of five and Im led out into the arena to join my team. Our opponents are standing opposite, looking terrifying. The winners will be those still standing at the end, and the fight goes on till one side of the other has been totally vanquished. Once you are beaten to the floor, youre out. My mouth is dry and I feel extremely apprehensive. One of the men opposite, his sword drawn, is staring at me. Ive seen boxers at least touch gloves before fighting so I go over to talk to him. He grins and I see his front teeth are missing. In fact Ive noticed quite a few of the participants have what might be called a medieval look.

Baying for blood: Teams of medieval fighters launch themselves at each other until the last man is standing

Fight club: A padded liner and armour adds around eight stone

What do I do? I ask him. Im still not certain Ive fully grasped the rules of engagement. Hit everyone in the opposing team as hard as you can, he replies. What are you going to do? The same. Glad weve cleared that up. Someone closes my visor with a snap and shouts at me to get back in formation. We slowly advance. My heart is thumping. Wearing the padding and helmet, its as if someone has turned the sound down. Im still coming to terms with this when I feel a thwack as a sword crashes down on my helmet. It doesnt hurt but its a big jolt. I can only see whats straight ahead so Im shocked when, next, Im hit from the side. I spin round and manage to block a couple of blows with my shield. Im struggling to get used to the weight of the armour. Im expending a huge amount of energy, gasping for breath and sweating profusely.

Mortal combat: Hitting a strange with a metal sword can require some getting used to

The worst thing is that I seem to have a psychological block when it comes to raising my sword and striking with maximum force. Its a difficult thing, to hit somebody really hard with a big lump of metal, though its obviously a challenge that my new friends have overcome. Then, Im hit again from behind and a metal-clad fist connects with my chest, and a shield is smashed into my head. Instinct instantly takes over. I strike back and attack my assailant with my heavy steel sword, chopping down at him, aiming for the point where his shoulder joins his neck. I throw blow after blow until he backs off. Loutish knave! Who dares smite Sir Tom? Now, having broken through the psychological barrier, I find that violence comes surprisingly easily. I can feel

blood coursing through my veins and pounding in my temples. Someone launches themselves at me, another punch comes from somewhere. I smash the man in front in the chest with my shield and with all my strength bring my sword down on his head. The blows I throw are so much more draining than the blows I take because of the sheer effort. My opponent strikes me again and I rock back, tripping on something. I feel myself falling. Is this what Richard III went through before he was chopped to bits and buried under a car park in Leicester? Lying on the ground, I lift up my visor. There are about three or four men still fighting. I check myself for injuries. Nothing. My heart is hammering and adrenaline is sluicing through me. It seems I tripped over a felled team-mate. Fortunately my armour has protected me from serious injury, but I know Ill wake up sore and covered in bruises. And I wont be the only one. I haul myself up and soon were all joking and telling war stories. One man apologises for hitting me on the head with his shield. It turns out we were on the same team but in the commotion, he forgot. Friendly fire, I guess.

Primal instinct: Once past a psychological barrier, Tom finds violence surprisingly easy

Learning curve: Tom found attack is the best form of defence in medieval fighting

My team-mates treat me differently now Ive fought alongside them. It appears Ive been accepted. Ive been inducted into medieval fight club. I feel positively Shakespearean. We few, we happy few, we band of (bonkers) brothers. Mark says: Theres nothing like the bonding you get here. The real world can be quite fake. You have to be what society expects you to be. But here you can be what you want. He asks if I feel more of a man. The truth is, I dont. My masculinity doesnt feel dependent on having been in battle. However, there is no doubt the experience tapped into something primal in me. For the few minutes that I was in the heat of the melee, I was someone else. Pure instinct took over. The survival imperative drove out all other thoughts, and it was exhilarating. So will I be back for more? I wouldnt bet your castle on it.

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Comments (19)
Newest Oldest Best rated Worst rated View all In Medieval times men were men-what's happened?? - mari-g , Cardiff, United Kingdom, 22/8/2013 11:58 Click to rate Report abuse Wait 'til Health and Safety Nazis find out about this. All those involved will be summarily executed for their own safety. - Steve French , Utopia, Ireland, 22/8/2013 11:52 Click to rate Report abuse The video in this article has absolutely nothing to do with the sport of HMB. For a better idea, search Youtube for "Battle of the Nations". - MartinC , Reading, United Kingdom, 22/8/2013 11:28 Click to rate Report abuse The video footage in this article has nothing to do with the sport of HMB. Look up Battle of the Nations on youtube for a better idea of what this sport looks like. - MartinC , Reading, United Kingdom, 22/8/2013 11:26 Click to rate Rating 3 Rating 3 Rating 25 Rating 17

Report abuse "I just had a clever idea on how prisoners can earn their keep in jail." - Casey , Brunswick, 22/8/2013 04:37 ==== What makes you think they don't do it now? It goes on everywhere - but without armour and often without weapons. - Feddup , Yorkshire, United Kingdom, 22/8/2013 11:11 Click to rate Report abuse In our 'dash-for-bash' desire we get ever closer to actual mortal-style combat of gladiatorial blood letting. It still exists in us, hidden, or exposed in blood sports and many body-contact sports outside official rule-based control. The thirst for Hunger-style Games will out. We must recognise that it is a part of our humanity, every bit as much as love and compassion, charity and hate, etc. Violence in war and combat has shaped our species to evolve and will continue to do so, and forms the very core of our strive for supremacy as a species and as individuals. The veneer of civilisation - when it is lost, as in the many continuing conflicts today - shows this to be true; let anyone threaten your family and what feelings rise in your heart? Mankind is not at the top of the food chain for being tame and submissive. - elamsevilc , Laoag City - Philippines, Philippines, 22/8/2013 10:56 Click to rate Report abuse Where do I sign up? - Simon Avery , Portland Dorset, 22/8/2013 10:11 Click to rate Report abuse Big ol' wuss you're covered in armour, try early medieval we only get chain mail! - Werewolf Jesus , Wales, United Kingdom, 22/8/2013 10:09 Click to rate Report abuse I want a go! - Frank the rabbit , Bristol, 22/8/2013 09:57 Click to rate Report abuse There is only one Sir Tom... - Richard , Tokyo, 22/8/2013 09:54 Click to rate Report abuse Share this comment The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline. Rating 4 Rating 4 Rating 8 Rating 6 Rating 9 Rating 2

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