Mussolini-like Stratagems

Wielded by Italian
Journalism, Public
Television, Private
Television & Radio

A
bromide: “All nations
s so many in the world have the
same problems that
other Italy does. We are all
eighteenth- stewing in the same
century thinkers were, sauce: Tutto il mondo
Jean-Jacques Rousseau è paese. Let’s close
was not very partial to Italian businesses in
Roman culture first August, go on
and foremost in its vacation, and forget it
decline when most of all. Let’s take a ferry
the world at large— from Ancona and go to
except the natives of Croatia where we can
Rome themselves— at least get a good
fathomed that the end exchange for our weak
was forthcoming. To lire.”
point to the
ludicrousness of the There are some
state of affairs in the Italians who think
then-capital of the otherwise: Italian
world, Rousseau Industrial Prince
ironized: “…the very Gianni Agnelli, very
day of its fall was the close friend of United
eve of that on which it States’ Department of
conferred on one of its State guru Henry
citizens the title of “Carpet Bomber”
Arbiter of Good Kissinger, put it this
Taste.”1 Ancient way: “Italy has one
Rome did not fall in foot in the grave and
one day; Modern the other on a banana
Rome will not, either. peel.”2 And he should
know! From 1938 to
Italy is falling apart 1975, his FIAT almost
at the seams! single-handedly
brought the Italian
Yet again there they automotive head
are—the Italians count from 750,000 to
themselves—denying 15,000,000 cars! In
any and/or all hints 1990 there were
with contrarieties. In seventy three cars for
fact, one is forked over every kilometre of
this disbosoming
road in Italy—the mass media—are
highest density of these:
autos in the world.

I.
Every major Italian
city is an open-air gas Italy’s water
chamber. The
dilemma is slowly
pollution is destroying
but surely rising
historical monuments
to the nightmare
and human and
level. Droughts
animal respiratory
in the summer;
systems. La Dolce
inundations in
Vita?
autumn and
winter. Little by
Italy, Inc. is a nation
little, the
being held together by
hydraulic golden
bubble gum, rubber
mean is floating
bands and the occult
out of sight.
machinations of
Italians,
international financial
obsessive water
and political wizardry
users and
—both licit and illicit.
indifferent water
Its geographic position
wasters, are
and status as the
unconcerned.
home base of the
Their public
“Christian Club,” make
works system is
it very valuable to
so inadequate
Western civilization,
and outdated
and all is being done
that when the
to keep Italy, Inc.
flooding seasons
attached to life-
arrive, Italians
support systems. That
hold their breaths
task becomes more
and cross their
difficult every day as
fingers and light
Italy, Inc. slides all
candles praying
over the place trying
that disaster will
to live up to its rank as
not flow into their
being one of the
homes and
solvent members of
factories still
the so-called “elite”
again. Water
G7—or is that G8?
itself is not such
Italy, Inc. is doing its
a bargain. It is
best to make believe it
not wise to drink
is equal to the other
tap water, and
grand industrial
here it is already
nations, and it is
easy to pay Lire
prepared—through its
1,500 (.78 Euro)
propagandistic mass
for a half-liter
media—to fudge for
plastic bottle of
the whole world the
mineral water.
reality which Italy, Inc.
Italian urban
is.
planners have
failed to take two
Upon close scrutiny,
variables into
one discovers that
consideration:
many of Italy’s
water runoff from
problems are not truly
broken piping
the world’s. Only
and the tendency
three of them—
that Italian
frequently deliberately
climate is forever
distorted in the Italian
warming more.
 II.
To remedy the
existing state of Italy’s public
affairs, exorbitant
debt makes
sums of money
financial analysts
are needed to
at Moody’s and
replace
Standard & Poors
antiquated water
sprinkle extra
duct lines which
peperoncini on
in some areas
their spaghetti to
occasion as much
keep their blood
as a stunning
flowing when
sixty percent
they brood over
squandering.
Italian debt
The condition of
printouts. Italy’s
these conduits
public debt is
worsen as the
growing
years pass. Italy
inexorably—and
is usually
has been for
“blessed” with
years—with few
abundant rainfall
batting an
in autumn and
eyelash. There is
winter (“Who
no reason to
needs to repair
believe that this
water pipes?”)
quandary will
but how long will
right itself in the
its luck hold out
near future, and
with global
only weeks ago—
warming trends
with no real
threatening and
national debate
concrete jungles
to mark the
abrading the
event—the Italian
fragile Italian
debt turned the
ecosystem? Italy
Lire
is a small
2,000,000,000,00
country; thirty
0,000 corner!
two Italies are
How long it will
required to make
take before the
one United
57,000,000
States. Even its
Italian population
size is an omen
reaches the point
of its
where each and
vulnerability.
every citizen has
From where will
to pay more than
come the
$50,000 to
financing to
liquidate the
support the
Italian debt? And
creation of
these figures do
desperately-
not include the
needed
value of Italy’s
infrastructure
unfounded
development
pension
over the next
indebtedness!
decade—even if
Italy’s public debt
it is decided to
is roughly 123%
begin such work?
of its GDP. It is
More miracles?
not difficult to
Tutto il mondo è
deduce that
paese?
inflation is to play
an important part
in Italy’s
 economic future. Italy is becoming
Printing money is the Miami Beach
big business in of Europe…the
Italy, and at this number of
writing, there are residents in all of
three different Italy over 65
50- and 100-lire years of age is
coins in now 15%, but
circulation. that figure is
Money, paper expected to jump
without value, is to 17.6% at the
all over the place. beginning of the
Forty dollars are new century4…
needed to buy Guidalberto
one hundred Guidi, president
aspirins, but of the
Italian journalists Industrialists of
headline that the Emilia Romagna,
“brakes” the one of Italy’s
government is most propagable
applying to regions says:
runaway inflation “Our companies
are having their need more than
effect. Italy is in 5000 qualified
a quagmire workers and we
somewhat similar just can’t find
to that of them. It seems
Venezuela’s in incredible, but it
the early 1980s. is so.”5…Italian
There is an households
economic time spend twice as
bomb ticking in much on
Rome, “the prepared pet
Eternal Fountain food as they do
of Cultural and on prepared baby
Historical food—pet food
Resources, the sales are growing
Matrix of Western by leaps and
Civilization, the bounds
Spiritual Home of annually6…a
Every staggering 20%
Westerner.”3 of Italian births
Tutto il mondo è are performed by
paese? Caesarean

III.
sections! There
Italians are is an epidemic of
them. Why? Two
most incongruous reasons offered
when the subject by Italian
of natality is obstetricians:
broached. Their “The hunger of
birthrate is the private clinics
lowest in the and obstetricians
world and 40% of to make the
all Italian families additional profit
have only one that comes with
child…in performing
Calenzano where Caesarean
I live 20% of the sections; and the
population is over stress trying to
65 years of age… organize time
 and to use fixed European Union
hospital hours directives? Why do
instead of being not 21 of every 100
called in the households in Italy
middle of the possess a book? Why
night.”7…. Again is a sports newspaper
Rousseau: “For the one sold mostly in
my part, I am Italy? Why do only
continually 11% of the Italian
astonished that a population buy a
mark so simple is newspaper every day?
not recognized, Why are Italy’s
or that men are beaches so polluted?
of so bad faith as Why do only 35 of
not to admit it. every 100 students
What is the end who enter the
of political university finish and
association? The only 5% of them
preservation and terminate their
prosperity of its courses in the time
members. And allocated? Why so few
what is the surest computers in Italian
mark of their businesses? Why do
preservation and not Italians speak
prosperity? Their foreign languages?
numbers and Why does not any
population. Seek other European
then nowhere country possess the
else this mark disaster that is the
that is in dispute. mezzogiorno—the
The rest being blighted southern part
equal, the of Italy? Why is Rome
government red tape and rackets
under which, while Milano is trying
without external to be strong, on-the-go
aids, without and operative? Why
naturalization or did the University of
colonies, the Goettingen in
citizens increase Germany (Italy’s
and multiply biggest trade partner)
most is beyond classify Italy as one of
question the the top ten corrupt
best. The nations in the world?
government Why do Italians take
under which a the longest in Europe
people wanes to pay their bills? Why
and diminishes is did the Italian railway
the worst. system suggest to
Calculators, it is their employees that
left for you to in time of emergency
count, to they should throw a
measure, to roll of toilet paper with
compare.”8 a message on it at the
Tutto il mondo è nearest station? Why
paese? are Italians, who think
of themselves as
Other subjects worthy being very particularly
of note are these: individualistic, capable
Why has Italy not of organizing strikes
complied with dozens with a vengeance that
upon dozens of bring them to Rome in
masses almost learnt well from its
reaching a million? Nazi counterparts at
Why are the Italian the Ministry of
political and judicial Propaganda in Berlin.
systems so corrupt it The lie that Fascism
is impossible to find was alive and
anyone who believes functioning well had to
in them? Why is the flick across cinema
only Italian FM radio screens throughout
station, which plays Italy to prop up the
classical music delusions of grandeur
exclusively 24 hours a of both the Duce
day, always on the Benito Mussolini and
verge of going out of the Fuhrer Adolf Hitler.
business? Why no
Italian language Italians are very
lessons for immigrants proud, obstinate
from the Third World? people and they are
Why do bus drivers on very chauvinistic. It
the coast of Versilia— has not been easy for
when no one is them to digest the
looking—refuse to defeat they withstood
stop for African people at the end of World
who are waiting for War II and many
them in the torrid sun Italians, even today,
at bus stops? do not want to believe
that that event even
These are questions ever occurred. While
that not only Italy the structure of
must ask of itself, they Fascism has been torn
are questions Western down bomb by bomb,
Civilization must ask brick by brick, the
of Italy. notion of an extreme

D
nationalism—exalting
both race and country
uring the above the individual
and standing for a
reign of the centralized autocratic
despot government headed
Mussolini, still today by a dictatorial leader
for millions and who wields severe
millions of elderly economic and social
Italians “the good old regimentation and the
days; anything would forcible suppression of
be better than the the opposition—is
mess we have now,” it ever-presently
was standard attractive to the
operating procedure subconscious thinking
for fascist clean-up of a vast number of
squads to paint white Italian psyches.
the houses along the “Sweet Despotism” is
routes Mussolini would the “leftist”
pass triumphantly. euphemism for this
And with a final touch Italian innate
of “class,” flowers character trait.
were put in front of
homes and buildings When pushed, Italians
and shops to highlight can rise up
for filmmakers the passionately,
success of the fascist fanatically with an
regime which had excessive devotion to
their culture, history nations, does it not?
and country. For Are they indeed? (An
foreigners who have English-speaking
come to Italy to live— “joke:” “If Italy is one
not to vacation for a of the G7, imagine
couple of weeks— how poor the other
there is this unwritten countries which are
law: “Let the Italians not are?”) When an
speak as badly as they Italian-American
want to about Italy, achieves noteworthy
but don’t you ever success, he is called
agree with them or an Italian in Italian
berate Italy.” newspapers; but,
Tormented Italy has when he is arrested for
been subjected to mafia dealings, he is
much tribulation in its relegated to being an
long history, and that “American.” A
has hardened the financial publication
Italian ego to all that is that speaks well of the
tramontane. A very Italian economy is
long time is still “authoritative, well-
needed before known and read by the
newcomers will be world’s movers and
accepted into any shakers.” One that
Italian social strata or does not render
community. Italians homage, is “American,
do it best! English,
Another Italian controversial….” Or,
psychological twitch is as this headline
the intense desire to demonstrates, there is
be taken seriously and the subliminal urge to
to be treated as one of be considered “up
the “biggies” on the there” with the
world political and “greats:” THE GREAT
economic mise en NATIONS
scène. Italians are so THREATEN, THE
fervent in their desire SERBS BOMB, ITALY
to be considered OFFERS AIRPLANES
grand, they often ( ! ).
come off puerile as a
result of their Italians are masters of
extraordinary efforts The Look. They are
to conform. Again, the famous all over the
intense hurt this world for their
Lilliputian peninsula automotive designs,
has been subjected to furniture, machines,
through the centuries, clothing and jewelry—
has left scars of the number one Italian
humiliation and export to the United
distress upon the States!
consciousnesses of its
people, and Italians They were once
have had to do much famous for their art,
to show that they are for their music.
just as acceptable as Italians would like to
others are. And it is a believe that their
pity they feel so. Why economic and political
should they? The power is as well-
whole world says they known as their
are one of the seven sweaters and dresses,
strongest industrial and knowing it is not,
they all the more of the insides of the
connive to push the Italian electronic
idea and the image propaganda pecking
that it is. Bizarre order!9
journalistic
declarations often I “got on” because a
supervene. friend of mine thought
I was “simpatico,
Since only a small really simpatico, and
portion of the intelligent and tuned
population buys a to the Italian scene,”
newspaper every day, and she told a friend
the obvious who told a friend who
whereabouts of the told a friend who knew
big Italian Stretching the brother of the host
of the Truth about the of the MAURIZIO
actual state of “Sweet COSTANZO SHOW.
Despotism,” is—you
guessed it!—The To pass “inspection”
Italian Idiot Box! before my idiot box
debut, I had to
George Orwell, should undergo an hour’s
he be alive today, drilling by telephone
would have to make a by an American lady,
visit to the RAI and Carol, who worked for
FININVEST studios. He Maurizio, one of Italy’s
would burst out favorite Freemasons.
laughing watching The interview, in
Italian television English (Italian
executives, programs are still
brainwashed to spit broadcast in Italian!),
out democratic golden gently opened my
coins but biting the bit brain to feel for my
to be “regimentators” political inclinations
of state affairs, living and my general state
out their electronic of mind. Clever Carol
Animal Farm with knew what she was
Laurel and Hardy-like doing. She and I both
side shows. agreed that the new

O
ambassador to Italy
from the United
n two States, Peter Secchia,
was a dummkopf but
occasions I “we,” Carol and I,
had the should not say things
chance to appear on a like that over the air
FININVEST network because “that” might
(privately owned); cause trouble for all of
another time on us. She instructed
RAIUNO (state owned); that I should stick to
and, two other times the format of the
on RAIDUE (state show, and the reason I
owned). Before we had been called to
return to 1984, sit guest in the first
back, relax, and grab place: I am a Vietnam
your channel-zapper! veteran and February,
I promise there will be 1991 was time for the
no breaks to sell you Iraq war, and it was
soap or insurance thought my presence
during my “show” would be interesting
which will reveal some for all who wanted to
know what one United hotel of their choice
States’ war veteran and my meals for the
thought about another overnight stay were
war. (War is hell!) It free, too. No
was very wise of me recompense for my
not to tell Carol what I enactment was
thought about the offered.
Vietnam “War”
because if I had, I Before the beginning
never would have of the MAURIZIO
made it to the COSTANZO SHOW, I
MAURIZIO COSTANZO was told to visit
SHOW. As it turned Maurizio in his
out, hardly anything dressing room. As I
was talked about Iraq entered, it crossed my
or my impressions mind that Maurizio is a
about it or Vietnam full-fledged member of
although behind us, on a Freemason secret
a huge screen, images society once
from Iraq kept flashing investigated by the
during the program. Italian government.
He is a very powerful
journalist and prime
My Italian television mover in Italian
first time up deadlifted political circles, is an
on the nineteenth of intimate friend of
February, 1991 in the Silvio Berlusconi, and
evening at the Teatro is credited with having
Parioli in the Spiritual discovered the
Home of Every obnoxious Vittorio
Westerner. The Sgarbi thought by
theatre is not within Italy’s left to be an
any of the fenced-in, intellectual gangster
dog-patrolled, super- and one who gives
surveilled media sense to that “Sweet
camps of the Despotism” found on
FININVEST media the controversial
citadels, so there Berlusconi FININVEST
some formalities (I.D. networks for which
badges, guards to Maurizio, too, slaves.
accompany (A couple of years
guests/visitors to the after my show,
toilet, anti-mafia Maurizio was “almost
affidavits to sign after killed” in a bomb
one’s performance, explosion near Teatro
bullet-proof glass, et Parioli and said to
cetera) went by the have been ordered by
boards.10 the mafia. Others
have told me it was
The atmosphere probably a hoax to get
before airtime was higher viewer ratings.
deadpan, and after It is impossible to get
makeup, a FININVEST to the heart of these
official came to pay, in matters in Italy,
cash, the cost of my unfortunately, and one
first-class train trip is best left to think
from Firenze (tourists what is the worst.11)
call it “Florence”) to
the Matrix of Western I found this Italian
Civilization. I had media mogul relaxed,
been lodged in a dingy serious, alert. Not an
inkling of a sense of are limp-wristed
humor. My first because—like a good
impression was as fight—Maurizio knows
heavy as he is: his ratings (more or
Maurizio is so short less 1-1.5 million
and overweight people watch him)
(Buddha-like) one soar the more—the
wants to offer up more blood is spilt.
immediately a warning
to him: “Please, watch The show began
your weight, Maurizio! cordially and I at once
You’re going to kill steered the way, my
yourself if you don’t way, to the topic of
go on a diet.” When Peter Secchia, the
he spoke with me at Dream Machine of on-
closed quarters, a the-take political
horrible odor came science professors in
from his mouth and I Italy. Secchia had
thought right off his encountered
liver must be under an resistance in the
enormous stress. United States’
Congress to his
A heavy-hearted man, assignment because
Maurizio is all nuts and he had insulted
bolts about his feminists, was a
program, and he had stentorian, gung-ho
taken control of it with ex-Marine, and
an iron hand ordering because he had
this, then that, and carried the state of
getting his way always Michigan for President
within the hectic Bush’s White House
moments before election victory. He
airtime. No one had to had no diplomatic
guess who the boss experience, did not
was at Teatro Parioli. speak Italian, and had
difficulty finding Italy
Mine was the kick-off on a map. Democrats
part of the program. were gunning for him
The format of the and rightly so—I
show is interesting. surmised. I believed
Seven or eight chairs Italy—in the terrible
are set in an ovality on state of affairs it is
stage, facing the fixed in—deserved a
audience. Maurizio professional diplomat
floats from chair to at least, and not a
chair picking out the political crony out for
comments of his a payoff. (There was
guests as he sees fit— this joke going around
if a brawl is not in Italy at the time:
progress. Visitors vie “Secchia is so dumb,
for their camera time, even the terrorists
and more frequently don’t want to kill him.
than not, debates boil With enemies like this,
to the point where who needs friends!”)
insults are hurled not Peter was said to be a
only onstage, but even great party-giver in
from the audience The Boot’s business
itself. Maurizio bluffs circles.
that he is contrary to
all this childishness, I called Secchia a
but his efforts to halt it vulgar incompetent on
The Italian Idiot Box to and believed
simply restate a Maurizio’s show could
common fact I help him. Some other
foolishly thought author who had come
Italians would be to pitch the sale of his
familiar with. If Italian book, lent it to me on
folk had known what stage, and I began to
had been said about read it, on the air,
Secchia during his trying to forget how I
nomination hearings, had failed to rally the
my accusation would Italian television public
not have appeared as to my side—against
provoking as it did on the United States’
the airwaves. ambassador and the
Maurizio, his brow war in the Gulf. I felt
beaded with sweat like an idiot. No more
drops that kept that night about
splashing to the floor United States
as he leant towards ambassadors, no more
me to interrogate me, even about the war in
hoped for a break to Iraq.
sell soap. I said it all
with a vengeance and The next morning I
waited to hear the called Carol to ask—in
applause of the English!—how things
audience which I had gone (“…
reckoned—orandum hhhhmmmmmmmm”),
est ut sit mens sana in and she told me right
corpore sano—would off that the United
break out in joyful States’ Embassy had
bravos happy to hear called asking for a
me make game of the video-cassette copy of
potentate, the United the show. I begged to
States’ Ambassador know if she had given
Peter Secchia. them one. “Of course
we did,” she replied
The silence in the nonchalantly.

A
audience nearly killed
me! I raised up my
hands gesturing week later,
desperately to seek
26 February
the support of the
1991, my
passionless crowd.
next exhibition on The
Some of them
Italian Idiot Box came.
responded weakly, but
The show, I FATTI
overall their R.S.V.P.
VOSTRI on RAIDUE,
was lacklustre. I
was conducted by
retreated in
Fabrizio Frizzi one of
embarrassment, and
Italy’s most
Maurizio went off to
personable and
interview other guests
promising television
one of whom had
personalities.
attempted suicide
eight times and had
Please switch channels
written a book about
to RAIDUE…!!!
his experiences which
he thought might help
I FATTI VOSTRI—again
others; and, another
a talk show format—is
who had been
positioned on stage in
searching for his
the form of an outdoor
father for forty years
piazza. Its production back home in New
facilities in Via Mazzini York!”) The RAIDUE
in the Eternal City are journalist liked my self-
stupendous and in this assurance and anti-
studio I got an idea of war stance. From all
what a gargantuan the questions asked of
industry RAI actually me and answered by
is. Much had been me, a television script
invested in the was composed. A
construction of the I copy was FAXed to me
FATTI VOSTRI set, and and I was told to
to give the effect of a memorize it before
real piazza, about show time. During the
thirty tables were telephone interviews I
scattered about it to made some cute
render the feeling of comments about the
being truly outdoors. United States’
About seventy people government and its
occupied the tables obtuse Italian
and they constituted ambassador, but these
“an audience” during had been neatly
airtime. excluded from the
script along with the
On this occasion I was revelations I had
paid Lire 300,000 for volunteered
travel and hotel concerning the
expenses (again I was stupidity of the United
told what flophouse to States Army during
go to), and I managed the Vietnam conflict. I
to get still another Lire got the hint.
300,000 when I
explained head- The same nice lady,
strongly that I would Pina, who had
be losing two days’ interviewed me by
work by coming for an telephone, was the
overnight visit to the individual who came
Eternal Fountain of to meet me at the
Cultural and Historical hotel and later
Resources. (My escorted me through
600,000 check arrived the RAI fortress’s
eight months later!) entrance in Via
Mazzini. With her
Before the show I had always by my side, we
three or four long passed through bullet-
telephone interviews proof rooms with
in my home. magnetic plastic
Questions about passes, and even
Vietnam were asked of when I went to the
me anew, and some toilet, Pina was right
queries about my there waiting for me
political ideas and outside the door. The
thoughts on Italy were security was
also made. (“I’m impressive.
decidedly to the
‘left’—whatever that On my way to the
means!—my heart studio where the show
beats to the left, and was to be presented,
for my notions about we flowed through an
Vietnam I’m still Italian Disneyland of
considered a ‘pinko beautiful girls,
communist bastard’ stunning set
constructions, expert looking for the words
makeup staff, talented to tell him I had not
musicians, elegantly when he tossed his
dressed RAI copy up and then over
executives, uniformed and to the back of his
electricians and head laughing and
lighting personnel—all saying to me: “Don’t
hustling and bustling worry, Tony, I didn’t
in the stimulating memorize it either!
showbiz milieu. We Let’s make our own
stopped for a coffee at interview together—
the RAI bar, and there you and I!”
I recognized some Fabrizio did not
performers and understand clearly
celebrities I had seen how glad I was to hear
at home on my own those words, and a
television for years. I great deal of tension
was excited. The that had accumulated
atmosphere was in me in anticipation of
exuberant and the fact my live presentation,
that in a very short oozed out of me and I
time I would be began to enjoy myself
presented to millions a lot more in the
of people in their living caverns of the dynast,
rooms and kitchens RAI—the biggest
throughout Italy, made source material at the
me very, very time for The Italian
nervous. The RAI Idiot Box.
plant was
overwhelming; I could After our short,
feel the power of it. pleasant powwow I
was instructed by a
studio hand to wait for
We moseyed to the I my airtime, so I took in
FATTI VOSTRI studio more of the exciting
area, and I at once re- goings-on which were
identified—this time in percolating about me.
the flesh—Fabrizio The countdown time
Frizzi who was to show time—
presented to me something exhilarating
straightaway. Fabrizio, in any part of the
the simpaticone, world—clicked for a
offered me a drink, a nervous me and every
COMPARI soda, and he so often someone
invited me to sit with shouted out the
him at one of the minutes remaining to
many tables on the the “on the air” signal.
“piazza” set. Then, Ten minutes before the
almost immediately, “go” sign, the director
Fabrizio gave me one spoke to the almost
of the most precious two hundred people,
acts of political crews and visitors
freedom I have ever from other studios,
experienced in my life. and when some
He had a copy of our fidgety girls kept
script in his hand—the talking and laughing,
one I had been told to he threatened,
memorize—and he autocratically, to
asked me if I had report them to “the
learnt it by heart. I office” if they did not
had no sooner began remain silent. Silence
held sway. Last “We are paid Lire
touches were being 800,000 a month for
made here and there: ten hours a week
makeup for Fabrizio; sitting in this studio
people were being audience,” he went on
pushed away from the loquaciously as if to
camera line; men with say I should be so
earphones tested lucky. (I was not!)
microphones; “Very, very
musicians played long interesting,” I said.
practice notes; and,
my remote He pointed his hand at
microphone was a woman seated at
pinned to my sweater. another table and told
We were getting ready me that she worked
to blast off into the for another show, the
homes of about four MAURIZIO COSTANZO
million Italians! SHOW and she earned
Lire 1,600,000 a
Seated in my interview month working twenty
spot at one of the hours a week!
tables with only about
four or five minutes to “The MAURIZIO
go, I turned to speak COSTANZO SHOW?”
to a young man
behind me to help “Yes, the MAURIZIO
myself break the ice COSTANZO SHOW,” he
and keep my mind off confirmed.
the fact that in a very
short time I would be Eureka! With one
“live” all over Italy and minute before air time,
parts of Switzerland. I I put two and two
was petrified! I asked together and deduced
the gentleman what why no one had kicked
he did for a living and in to encourage me
he told me he worked when I called
for “Mamma RAI” in Ambassador Peter
the mornings and Secchia, the imbecile,
attended university in a vulgar incompetent!
the afternoons. In Italy the television
audiences are paid!
“What work do you
perform for ‘Mamma After the I FATTI
RAI?’” I quizzed. VOSTRI show, which
was the best of them
“I sit in the audience.” all for me, while I was
walking to the bus
“You sit in the stop, a helmeted
audience?” Fabrizio Frizzi spotted
me, made a huge U-
“Yes. All of us here turn on his big blue
are paid to be part of HONDA, and came to
the audience.” thank me again for
appearing on his show.
“Paid to be part of the I was really happy he
audience?” I could not had done so. He said
believe what I had he would call me one
heard. day and ask me to go
out and have a drink
The young man with him. Then he
continued for me: buzzed off. To this day
I remember Fabrizio world DEAR (sic)
for his thoughtfulness studios.
and friendly character
and I would have been The transcript for the
honored to have been show had the usual
one of his friends. questions about
Most importantly, Southeast Asia that I
Fabrizio had an have been hearing
instinct to be free—a ever since I left
virtue which many of Vietnam in 1968.
his colleagues at RAI Each query could have
and FININVEST never been answered with a
even ever thought book chapter, and the
about possessing. arrangement of them

M
with their answers,
which had been
y third, condensed for me by
the RAI journalist who
and the composed the script,
most made for what I
distasteful of all, thought was a very
staging was on the superficial
RAIDUE DOMENICA IN conversation. So
FAMIGLIA show, 27 general were the
March 1994. If questions, and so
Fabrizio had been abbreviated my ghost-
cordial and respectful, written answers, I
Alessandro Cecchi could not bring myself
Paone, the show’s to even think to go
host, was just the about putting the
opposite. Again, the transcript to memory.
interviews by Working around the
telephone, the FAXed truth—my truth!—the
script sent to my questions and answers
home, and the orders never reached the
—this time more stony heart of the verity I
—to be sure to had talked about over
memorize every line. the telephone with the
The RAIDUE journalist—id
journalist/interviewer est, the interesting
was curt and often and special insights I
rude with me on the wanted to reveal
telephone, and about Vietnam were
because I insisted on not included.
being paid a measly “Mamma RAI’s”
Lire 800,000 for this treatment of my
show, I almost lost the version about Vietnam
chance to go on. was very evasive and
shrewdly constructed
After a couple of days and some of my more
the approval to pay cuspidate elucidations
me Lire 800,000 (that concerning the United
check arrived five States’ government
months later) was and its role in
authorized, and I fomenting the Vietnam
made plans to go to “War,” had been
the Matrix City, not to deleted, again, from
the Via Mazzini the script pages FAXed
studios, but to the to me.
new, really out-of-this-
The DEAR studios camera—a big
were very much more difference between
security-clad than him and Fabrizio.
were the Via Mazzini Alessandro was
ones. The huge constantly,
complex is similar to a excessively skittish.
military base, and it is When I arrived Cecchi
obvious, just looking Paone had been
at it, no one is going already interviewing
to get into it without other guests.
the proper Between commercial
authorization. breaks he came off
stage to give orders
A hotel was assigned and complain about
to me. It was far from how things were
the studios, so a progressing. He kept
limousine came to pick the atmosphere tense
me up for my morning and unpleasant for all.
transmission. The There was a man, mid-
show aired every forties, all this while
Sunday—starting at standing around
about seven o’clock— waiting for something I
when there were not could not imagine. He
many people in the wore a very bright
surrounding studio blue-green jacket and
areas which host he looked strange. I
many famous thought he might have
“Mamma RAI” been one of the guests
television productions. but he told me he was
Once more, bullet- not. At a break,
proof glass, electronic Alessandro came off
passes, armed guards, stage to him, sat stiff
and well-delineated on the edge of a chair,
access zones and and pointed to the left
prohibited areas. side of his neck
Security was extra- saying: “I have a kink
heavy 27 March 1994 here. See what you
because it was a can do to get rid of it!”
national election day The man began
in Italy, and the day creating a “magical
Silvio Berlusconi, field,” he told me
media magnet and later, by rotating his
owner of FININVEST, hands in circles
won his electronically- around the neck area
manipulated victory of Cecchi Paone! This
shocking the pants off “magical field” was
the Italian “left.” supposed to relieve all
the tension Cecchi
Paone had
accumulated in his
There are two neck area during his
memories—both show—and during the
disagreeable—I have break for publicity!
of Alessandro Cecchi When Cecchi Paone
Paone. He was went back onstage, I
autocratic with his co- went to the mago to
workers and did not get from him the
have the smile on his reasons for his
face when he was off- success. “It’s in the
camera that he almost hands!” he told me.
always possessed on-
My turn came to go sense of humor calling
before the cameras for—after three or four
and because I had not Scotch whiskies—a
memorized my script change in the name of
Cecchi Paone was the C.I.A. from the
furious with me during Central Intelligence
all the time of our Agency to the Central
interview. I kept going Stupidity Agency! The
off the “track” that Foggy Bottom Cult is
had been laid out for more open-minded
me by the journalist than their
working for “Mamma counterparts, and
RAI.” But whenever because they are more
the camera was on easy-going, they tend
Cecchi Paone, he to fly less off the
smiled as if he were a diplomatic handle.
crazy man. Naturally, they are
often considered
cream puffs.

EPILOGUE The other persuasion

is the right-wing
branch and that which
has the final say—
Having taken a long, usually. These are the
hard look at the United pragmatists, the
States’ Department of conservatives, the
State for more than conservators. Nuts
thirty years in an and bolts. Characters
inductive fashion— who do not dwell in an
poking at particulars Ivory Tower, nor do
to arrive at they lack concern or
generalities and interest in urgent
always remembering problems and practical
that as a being is, so it matters. They are not
acts!—and at close escapists; they like to
range in the United confront events
States, Vietnam, directly. They are
Venezuela and Italy, I great players of board
have come to the games, and they will
conclusion that there wait a hundred years
exists two to make a move if
confederacies in they think that is the
Washington which only way they can get
tender boundless their way. They
devotion to the idea believe—as did once
that the United States one professor of
is by far the best philosophy at
available to lead the Heidelberg—that the
world we all live in: world is constantly
The Foggy Bottom Cult evolving, by force, and
and The John Foster every system, by
Dulles Cult. itself, causes a
reaction to it.
The first is the more
eccentric, egg-headed. The first bloc has
Acolytes are the given us The Best and
“leftists,” the doves. the Brightest myth,
They are forward- and the second has
looking, too, and handed over
might even have a idiosyncrasies such as
Barry Goldwater and become drunk with
Jesse Helms, and for delight over their
Italy, gems such as ability to understand
Clare Boothe Luce and the fact that if
Peter Secchia! (By the dominoes are stood on
way, back in Michigan end one slightly
Secchia, “Pete” to his behind the other, a
friends, “Ambassador slight push on the first
Pete” when he wants will topple the others!
to get at something, is Geopolitical genii!
proud to participate in They pontificate in
any Independence Day Time, in The
parade where he rides Economist, in National
in the back seat of a Review, in Foreign
Cadillac convertible Affairs, in The Times
with “Ambassador Literary Supplement,
Peter Secchia” et cetera…. They
emblazoned on its speak with passion
sides! And people and gnaw at the
look at him as if he is enemy with this
someone who has conceptualisation:
benefited mankind BETTER DEAD THAN
with his stay in the RED! They are
United States’ political missionaries
Embassy in the Eternal and proselytise all
City!) over the world
Together, The Foggy preaching to
Bottom Cult and The undemocratic
John Foster Dulles Cult heathens to vote and
have come up with go to church
some really majestic on Sundays. Many do.
political boo-boos: Many are paid very
Cuba, Vietnam, well in dollars.
Colombia, Iraq,
Mexico, Venezuela… 1989 came along and
the list is actually the victory
interminable. One is celebrations appeared
left with the suspicion never to end. In the
that the United States’ euphoria it was
Department of State is realized that Eastern
more fatuitous than it Europe needs to be
is penetrating. (The built, that Eastern
Worst and The Europe wants what it
Dullest?) Yet as the does not have, that
case may be, if Eastern Europe has
Southamerica does “everything” to gain.
not turn out to be its But, it was
most terrible conveniently forgotten
diplomatic faux pas, that Southern Europe
Europe surely will. needs to be rebuilt,
that Southern Europe
wants more of what it
For almost sixty years, has, that Southern
the two cults kept the Europe has
tightest lid possible on “everything” to lose.
a razed Western
Europe and The genii, for all these
checkmated Eastern years, rode a magic
Europe so cleverly, so carpet protecting and
successfully, the preserving their
schismatics have crowned checker,
Germany, bluffing all point where it will be
the while a very the political and
special big move: the economic expedient in
United States of Western Europe
Europe. The cute (again!) to be
ruse, naturally, was reckoned with. (Is not
never brought to pass treuhandanstalt just
because the intended another Harvard
tactic of this point University Business
d’appui was the School case study?)
following: to keep— The Germans are
from their German sitting pretty, and they
command posts— must be given credit
Western Europe for their efforts in
fragmented into bringing their west
separate constituents, and east together—an
dominoes, economic feat planned
guaranteeing that its well before 1989!
unification would
never be actualised. Henry Miller said the
Divide et impera. Germans—the biggest
ethnic group in the
European intellectuals United States followed
and political scientists by the Irish-Americans
frothed at their and the English-
mouths in anger. Americans—make the
Clare Boothe Luce and best “Americans”
Peter Secchia went to because in the United
English-speaking States they do not feel
Italian industrialists hemmed in as they
and political leaders are in Europe.
and organized anti- Hemmed in?
communist cocktail Sandwiched between
parties. Then, in the a hungry Eastern
same evening, went to Europe and a
the English and devastated Southern
Northern European Europe? Can the
diplomatic European Germans
brotherhoods and remain forever serene
voiced their “off-the- seated squashed
cuff, not-for-the- between these two
record” opinions: spheres of economic
“Would you be foolish disaster? Are we on
enough to want a the way to World War
European Union with Three or “Le continent
bankrupt members du Chaos”?12
such as Italy, Spain, Remember Murphy’s
Portugal and Greece Law?: Anything that
breathing down your can go wrong will go
necks to pay for their wrong!
public debts and
broken water pipes? Instead of a European
You’re not crazy, are Union that stands
you?” valiant, that addresses
the seriousness of the
And so, the German- problem not only as it
Swiss-Austrian- regards Eastern
Hungarian axis takes Europe, but even as it
hold ever so gently, regards, for example,
slowly but surely, and the fact that there are
strives to reach that more pension checks
cut in Italy every you have been so
month than there are ridiculous? Oh, Matrix
salary checks, of Western Civilization,
Europeans must now how could you have
look to the Fatherland, been so compliant?
hold their breaths, and Oh, Spiritual Home of
live in quiet Every Westerner, how
desperation crossing could you have been
their fingers that the so unconceited? What
Germans and the have you got to show
Russians will not have for it?
another go at it. (The
only issues Western Tutto il mondo è
Europe agrees on are paese?
that the MARLBORO
man smokes the best
cigarette and
Hollywood and * * *
hamburgers are
dangerous to your
health. Brussels’
legislators cannot Written by:
even agree on a
common shoe size for Anthony St. John
the European Union. Casella Postale 38
Sure, Northamericans 50041 CALENZANO FI
have been dumb for Italia
two hundred years;
Europeans have been 1 September 1995
dumb for two
thousand years!)

It is to this point
—“marshalling” all
their forces and NOTES
planning with all their
dominoes—that the
two confused cults 1
have lead Western Jean-Jacques
Europe. They have Rousseau, A Discourse
done everything, for on the Moral Effects of
sixty years, to keep the Arts and Sciences
Europe in a political (New York:
and economic deep- Everyman’s Library,
freeze banking on 1973), p. 8.
Italies always, senza
dubbio, to help keep 2
any idea of a unified Gianni Agnelli,
Europe an absurd La Stampa, 1995.
proposition
antecedently 3
supposed and proved The American
as a basis of University of Rome,
argument. Italy, et Admissions Catalog, p.
alia, have been used. 9.
They have been
abused. 4
Franco Torelli,
Oh, Eternal Fountain of “Gli italiani al 2003,”
Cultural and Historical Largo Consumo,
Resources, how could January, 1995, p. 17.
 5
Giuseppe Turani,
Affari & Politica,” la
Repubblica, 16 July
1995, p. 19.

6
Jane Williams,
“Supreme
Champions,”
EuroBusiness, May,
1995, p. 82.

7
Mario Pirani,
“Donna partorirai con
il cesareo,” la
Repubblica, 1995.

8
Jean-Jacques
Rousseau, The Social
Contract (New York :
Everyman’s Library,
1973), p. 231.

__________________,
“The X against
Fininvest,” The
Economist, 25 March
1995, p. 85.

10
John Glover,
“Factions and Fiction,”
The Guardian, 28
February 1995, p. 10
(Media).

11
Glover, p. 10.

12
Alain Minc, Le
Nouveau Moyen Age
(Paris : Gallimard,
1993), pps. 15-43.