1here ls a general Lendency Lo belleve LhaL famlly background could affecL chlldren's fuLure.

ln Lhls regard
some people Lhlnk LhaL chlldren from poor and mlddle class famllles could manage dlfflculLles ln Lhelr
adulLhood beLLer Lhan Lhose from rlch ones. CLhers, however, argue LhaL rlch parenLs provlde Lhelr klds
chlldren wlLh beLLer faclllLles and educaLlon, whlch leads Lo havlng more maLure and educaLed chlldren.
?ou need Lo be more creaLlve ln wrlLlng your lnLroducLlons. Cnly Lhe flrsL senLence shows your creaLlvlLy and
Lhe oLher parLs seem Lo be a memorlzed senLence plus Lhe paraphrase of Lhe Loplc lLself.
1here ls enough evldence Lo supporL Lhe vlew LhaL chlldren wlLh mlddle and low lncome famllles could Louch
obsLacles and problems Lhelr parenLs faclng. 1hls means LhaL ln Lhelr chlldhood Lhey achleve some general
senses abouL real problems of llvlng ln Lhe socleLy. lurLhermore, Lhey could also see how Lhelr parenLs
approachlng problems and resolvlnge Lhem. lor lnsLance, l am personally from a worklng class famlly and
when l was a chlld my parenLs had severe flnanclal problems. CosequenLelyConsequenLly, l reallzed LhaL Lhe
llfe ln ls dlfflculL ln naLure. undersLandlng Lhls facL, noL only l sLudled dld l sLudy hard Lo prepare myself for
Lhe fuLure, buL also l Lrled Lo learn managlng dlfflculL conLlngencles.
Cn Lhe oLher hand, lL ls obvlous LhaL rlch chlldren have access Lo more faclllLles, as well as expenslve courses
and programs, whlch ordlnary famllles could noL afford. ln facL, Lhey could beneflL from excellenL
experlenced Leachers and hlgh quallLy educaLlon programs. lor example, ln Cermany Lhere are a loL of
successful famllles ln fleld of manufacLurlng. 1hey own Lhe flrms for several generaLlons and each generaLlon
brlngs up Lhelr chlldren Lo be a fuLure compeLence compeLenL managers.
As dlscussed above, lL seems convlnclng LhaL belng ralsed ln an ordlnary famlllesy could help chlldren Lo
undersLand Lhe real problems ln llfe and Lo learn how Lo deallng wlLh Lhem, alLhough lL should noL be
overlooked LhaL rlch chlldren could be nurLures nurLured ln much far beLLer condlLlons.
|ease send the top|c a|ong w|th your wr|t|ng. It |s |mposs|b|e to dec|de about 1k and CC comp|ete|y. 1he
wr|t|ng |s genera||y good, but you seem to run out of |deas when wr|t|ng about the second s|de of the
argument. 1he other prob|em w|th your wr|t|ng |s the |eve| of Iorma||ty for your |ex|ca| resources. |ease
check |f a word |s forma| or |nforma| when us|ng them |n context.
Lst|mated 8and Score:
1A CC Lk GkA Cvera||
-- -- 7 7 7
6ood Luck,
corrected ond commented by: nomed Mohommod nosseini
Comment [Afarinesh1]: 1he word klu ls
lnformal.
Comment [Afarinesh2]: lL ls Lhe socleLy ln
whlch Lhose people llve.
Comment [Afarinesh3]: 1here musL be an
lnverslon for Lhe flrsL senLence of nC1 CnL? ln
formal wrlLlng.
Comment [Afarinesh4]: Much ls an lnformal
modlfler for comparaLlve ad[ecLlves.