The Real Life Home School Mom by Virginia Knowles

The Real Life
Home School Mom:

It’s a Life in ReVision
by Virginia Knowles
Maitland, Florida
www.VirginiaKnowles.com
www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com
www.StartWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com
www.ContinueWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com
www.FinishWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com
The Real Life Home School Mom by Virginia Knowles
Welcome to the PDF version of The Real Life Home School Mom!
Since you aren't holding the "REAL" print edition in your hands, I thought you might like
to read what is supposed to be on the back cover!
Do you need help and hope for the journey of home schooling? Are you tired of trying to
live up to some fantasy ideal? The Real Life Home School Mom is just for you, whether you
are a veteran or a beginner. You will find Scriptural encouragement and practical advice
for your emotional and spiritual life, family relationships, support groups, educational
philosophy, success in academics, home management, and much more. Virginia Knowles
is the mother of 10 children, ages preschool to adult, and a veteran home educator. Since
1998, she has published the Hope Chest Home School News e-magazine, which reaches
over 1,000 families around the world. Most of all, just like you, she is a Real Life Home
School Mom who understands both the blessings and the challenges of educating your own
children.
THE HOME SCHOOL MOM'S ALPHABET
Accept, admire, affirm, and appreciate your family.

Boldly believe our big God for beautiful, bountiful blessings.
Calm courtesy communicates care and combats chaos.
Diligence and delegation dutifully do daily deeds.
Encourage by enthusiastic example.
Face, fix, forgive, and forget foolish faults.
Grace is given where grace is needed. Glory to God!
Have a happy, humorous, harmonious, hope-filled home.
Include imagination, inspiration, and interesting information.
Juggle your jobs judiciously and joyfully.
Kiss your kids!
Listen, then lovingly lead.
Meet many marvelous mothers.
Notice new needs.
Overcome obnoxious offenses with optimism.
Pray, prioritize, plan, and prepare for productivity and problem prevention.
Quick and quiet, not dawdling or riot.
Rules without relationships reap rebellion.
Serve sacrificially.
Take time to teach and train truthfulness and thankfulness.
Understand until united.
Virtuosity is victorious.
Wise words will win.
Xpect excellence.
Yackety yack, no talking back.
Zippety doo-dah, zippety ay, my oh my what a wonderful day!
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Publication Information
Published by Virginia Knowles
Address: 1925 Blossom Lane, Maitland, FL 32751
Web site: www.VirginiaKnowles.com
Blog: www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com
E-mail: VirginiaKnowles@gmail.com
Subscribe to the Hope Chest Home School News:
HopeChest-Subscribe@Associate.com
Original Copyright 2000 New Edition 2007

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic,
mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission
of the publisher, except as provided by USA copyright law.
Printed in the United States of America
Scripture taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version unless
otherwise marked. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible
Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights
reserved.
Scriptures verses marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English
Standard Version copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good
News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Books by Virginia Knowles
Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled Home Education for Preschool to 5th

Grade ... $20
The Real Life Home School Mom: It's a Life in ReVision ... $18
The Learner’s Journal Lesson Planner ... $11
If you order 3 or more books at the same time, take a $1 discount per copy.
Shipping is 10% with $3.50 minimum. Florida residents add 7% tax. E-mail
for instructions before you send payment.
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THE REAL LIFE HOME SCHOOL MOM

Table of Contents
Dedication and Acknowledgements ... 4

Introduction ... 5
Part 1: Home Schooling Basics
Blessed and Stressed ... 7

Aim for the Heart ... 13
Theory & Practicality: How Does Education Really Work? ... 33
Essentials for Educational Excellence … 44
Part 2: Daily Life and Logistics
Life Management 101 ... 63

Busy at Home ... 71
Little People in the Home School ... 86
Part 3: Living, Loving and Learning from a Mother’s Heart
In Search of Sanity ... 94

The Hallmarks of a Gentle Spirit .... 107
Abide in Christ ... 119
Your Support Network ... 131
Building the Family Home … 139
Cherishing Your Marriage ... 153
The Home Schooled Mom ... 171
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DEDICATION
This book is lovingly dedicated to:
My dear husband, Thad and

our children: Mary, Julia, Rachel, Joanna, Lydia,
Andrew, Micah, Naomi, Benjamin and Melody
From the bottom of my heart,

I thank you for your patience and help while I labored over this book!
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
My older sister, Barb Dell, a former home school mom, encouraged me from the
very start of this project back in 1995. When we were very young and didn’t have a
television, we wrote stories together. Barb, for giving me your only copy of your own first
book, Miss Bluebird’s Dancing Lesson, I am forever grateful. (Just don’t ask me where it
is, because I haven’t seen it in over 30 years!)
My parents, Phil and Mary Quarrier, prodded me to “write a book about all that
stuff!”
Cheryl Bastian and Shelley Colter, this book wouldn’t be what it is without
your honest but gentle advice. Thank you for the treasure of friendship and prayer over the
last several years. (Shelley went to be with the Lord on January 1, 2008, but her legacy of
love and encouragement lives on.)
Cindy Rushton offered much needed information on the practical aspects of self-
publishing and kept telling me to “just do it”! So I did!
My dear friends at NearHim Home Educators, Orlando Grace Church,

Metro Life Church, and Providence Home Educators have encouraged me and
given me food for thought over the years.
The readers of the Hope Chest Home School News, my monthly e-mail
newsletter, have provided me with precious insight into the lives of home school moms
around the globe, and have told me to keep writing!
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INTRODUCTION
THE IDEAL HOME SCHOOL MOM. What image do those words convey? If
you are like me, your mind conjures up a composite portrait of all your aspirations. That
Ideal Home School Mom juggles it all in perfect balance. Her house is always ready for
unexpected company. The children can always find clean socks. They never burp or pinch
each other or interrupt when she is on the phone. She never raises her voice. She
effortlessly jumps from teaching algebra to teaching ABCs. She has a gourmet meal (with
homemade whole wheat bread and garden fresh vegetables) ready at 6 o'clock sharp. She
is the home school version of the Proverbs 31 woman, and unfortunately you know you'll
never be just like her. You try and try, but as a Real Life Home School Mom, you fall short
of the glory of her, your picture of perfection. I'm all for high ideals. I have visions for my
family that will not let go of me. Yet in my own life, I see deep needs for renewal and
encouragement that will not be met by a new and better curriculum. What I need is a new
and better me! I know I am not alone in this.
Who am I to write a book on home schooling? Certainly not Super Mom! I won't
claim to be an expert on education or psychology. I have a Management degree and my
work experience is in computer programming. My qualification is simply that I am a Real
Life Home School Mom, just like you. Thad and I have ten children (seven daughters and
three sons) ages two to young adult. They all have vastly different personalities, talents,
and learning styles, so we have had to adjust our home school methods over the past
several years.
Beyond teaching my own children, my heart is committed to encouraging other
home school moms. Many years ago, I compiled a set of notes called "The Little Book of
Home Schooling" to hand out to new home school families and use at a "Get Started in
Home Schooling" workshop. Since The Real Life Home School Mom first came out in
2000, I also published another book, Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled
Home Education for Preschool to 5th Grade which is a comprehensive subject-by-
subject teaching guide. In addition, since 1998, I have published the Hope Chest Home
School News, a free e-mail magazine reaching over 1200 families around the world. I
notice that whenever I talk to home school moms, I hear the same thing: voices that are
hopeful yet hesitant, full of both wonder and worry. My heart is with them. I know just
how they feel!
This new edition in 2007 is a major rewrite reflecting what I have learned in the past
seven years, which has included raising teenagers, transitioning into new approaches to
home schooling, and experiencing a “midlife reckoning” and corresponding spiritual
renewal. I trust that you are learning and growing each year also, which is why this new
edition of The Real Life Home School Mom is subtitled It's A Life in Revision.
Over the past decade or so, I have written these pages with an eagerness to minister
to others who feel like I do. If I can encourage just one mom to hang in there through
tough times, I will be satisfied. If you aren't the perfect home school mom, this is for you!
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Part 1:
Home Schooling Basics
Chapters:
Blessed and Stressed

Theory & Practicality: How Does Education Really Work?
Essentials for Educational Excellence
Aim for the Heart
In this section of the book, we’re going to start simple with some
home schooling basics that somehow I, even as a veteran, need to
have refreshed in my mind continually!
The Entire Object of True Education

by John Ruskin
The entire object of true education is to make people

not merely to do the right things, but to enjoy them;
not merely industrious, but to love industry;
not merely learned, but to love knowledge;
not merely pure, but to love purity;
not merely just, but to hunger and thirst after justice.
John Ruskin, 1819-1900

English writer, art critic, professor, reformer
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BLESSED AND STRESSED

The opportunity to educate our own children at home is a tremendous blessing and
an exciting challenge. However, despite the fact that well over a million families have
blazed the trail before us, our journey can still be fraught with difficulties and
discouragement.
When Thad and I were newlyweds, we embarked on a grand adventure,
transplanting from Florida to Maryland. Some good friends had moved there the year
before, and they welcomed us into a church full of home schooling families. This was a bit
of culture shock to a starry-eyed 22-year old computer programmer! Though we had
planned to wait a few years to start a family, the beautiful example was contagious, and
soon Baby #1 was on the way. Meanwhile, the idea of home schooling tantalized and
intrigued me, so my eyes and ears stayed riveted to these families. I saw that their children
loved to learn and were growing up with a sweet and gracious spirit of maturity. What a
blessing it was to soak up wisdom and vision from their example!
I was always ready for a life of creativity and thrilling adventure, so by the time
Mary was born in 1987, I was sold on being a home school mom. The journey was much
simpler at the start. The years rolled along, with more babies and more books, and here we
are two decades later and back in Florida again. It's a whole lot more complicated now...
Sometimes I feel like I'm juggling too many balls and dropping the one labeled “sanity!”
Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever wonder what made you do this thing in the first
place?
Like any blessing, home schooling brings new pressures and responsibilities. The
stresses often take families by surprise. If you are unprepared, you will be tempted to turn
aside and miss the real treasure. With this in mind, my goal in writing this book is to help
you:
 refresh your vision for home schooling
 acknowledge the common emotional stresses which affect moms
 realize that you are not alone or inadequate
 grab hold of some practical tools and hope for daily life.
The Benefits of Home Schooling
Sometimes to keep ourselves on track, we need to go back to the beginning and

remind ourselves why we chose to home school in the first place. Let's focus for a few
minutes on the visions we had at the start. If I were writing a pro-con list about home
schooling, the “pro” side might be like this. Home schooling allows us to:
 nurture a lifetime love of learning in a natural, affirming atmosphere
 grow in unity as we spend time learning with and about each other
 watch our children blossom and know that we played a major role
 refresh our own knowledge of school subjects
 direct the education and upbringing of our children (Deuteronomy 6:4-7)
 present issues in the context of our family's values and beliefs
 select and customize effective methods and curriculum for each child
 give individual attention so each child can work at his or her own level
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 weave school subjects together logically and creatively
 delve deeper into fascinating topics, while cutting out busy work
 let our children pursue personally motivating interests and projects
 find out what truly works for our children with learning disabilities
 protect our children from physical dangers rampant on school campuses
 reduce peer pressure and competition, while offering positive training and
opportunities for socialization
 set our own daily and yearly schedules
 train our children in the work ethic and responsible living
 stay in touch with our child's environment
 deal with problems promptly in accordance with family policies
 teach children to make wise choices and set solid standards for excellence using the
Bible, good literature, and mature adults as resources.
It sounds exciting, and what's more, statistical research on home schooling shows
success. As a whole, home schooled children far surpass the national norm in scores on
standardized academic tests and have also excelled on psychological profiles measuring
self-concept and leadership aptitude. According to studies by Dr. Brian Ray of the
National Home Education Research Institute, the academic scores are not even very
dependent on the socioeconomic status, education level, or professional certification of the
parents. It appears that the key factor to success is the commitment of the parents to
making sure their children receive an excellent education.
All in all, home schooling radiates as the bright star on the educational horizon for
over a million American children. The numbers are mushrooming each year, but what
kind of challenges will these new folks find? What is on the “con” side of the list? What
things do you struggle with as a home school mom?
The Challenges of Home Schooling
A mom who starts to home school with unrealistic expectations is like a naïve
wannabe missionary who dreams of taking a crash linguistics course, dropping in on some
far-off pagan tribe, and leading all the natives in the Sinner's Prayer before the canoe is
even moored to the palm tree. It all sounds noble and glamorous, so we plunge in to
transforming our own little household pagans into heavenly cherubs. After the first week
(or the first hour) we get disillusioned and pick up the phone to dial the local school. We
forget that we still have the raw material of our own children, the ones who haven't learned
all that cherubic stuff yet.
If home schooling has become a burden for you, may God restore your sense of
wonder, joy, and fulfillment in this tremendous blessing. I don't have many easy 1-2-3
success formulas. We must work through real issues and real answers. I believe that most
problems gnawing at home school moms are not academic, but matters of motivation,
attitudes, choices, personal discipline, family relationships, and practical life skills. When I
get discouraged or confused about home schooling, it usually boils down to one of those
categories. Let's get a little more specific with some of these.
Overwhelming Choices: The blessing/burden of choice is one of the first tasks
meeting families on the threshold of home schooling. Wading through the maze of
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educational theories, teaching strategies, and legal options is a daunting task that robs
many parents of their confidence. New home school moms and veterans alike are
overwhelmed at the explosion of products and services on the market. Making too many
mistakes can doom a parent to an empty wallet or a frustrated child. There are also
decisions about how to allocate finances, time, and energy to make it all happen. What you
have is the challenge of choices. Yet the Lord will not leave us alone to wander. It may
take a while, but if we determine to be prudent and persistent explorers and we are
sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, we will learn to discern the best educational
options for our own children.
Organizational Nightmares: Organization of time, space, and paper is another
big hassle for home school moms all over the world. We trip on toys, search in vain for
worksheets, find cookie crumbs under the couch cushions, and fritter away precious
moments dealing with petty crises that really could have been prevented. If your home is
like this, don't give up! Those who struggle with organization have a rougher adjustment,
but it can be done if they are willing to learn. Consider it a fringe benefit of home
schooling. Later chapters in this book present tips from the perspective of a naturally
disorganized mom -- me!
Opposition: Other people don't always share our convictions that home schooling
is the best option for our children, and a fraction of these folks are quite vocal about their
opinions. In decades past, when the modern home school movement was in its infancy and
not always legal, the conflicts were even more alarming because they were most likely to
result in a lawsuit or at least a tense visit from school officials or social workers. How
grateful I am that the Lord has raised up a vast army of veteran home school families. I am
also relieved that organizations such as the Home School Legal Defense Association now
stand in the gap with us. Let’s be diligent to lobby for favorable legislation. Still, many
current home families face worried grandparents, nosy neighbors, their children's former
teachers, and the aforementioned government entities. While we may be relatively secure
from legal troubles (depending on state and local authorities), we still face the sting of
criticism and doubt that threaten to shake our confidence. I’m used to hearing people say
things like, “Home schooling? That sounds hard! Doesn’t it take a lot of time?” I can
handle that sort of comment, mainly because I know that it is hard and time consuming at
times, and because it is not meant as a personal affront. However, it might cause me more
mental anguish if anyone close to me ever said, “I don’t think you are doing what’s right for
your children. They belong in a real school!” And yet so many of you do face that sort of
pressure. If someone is trying to dissuade you from what you are convinced God wants you
to do, you must know in your heart that the Lord is with you to sustain you. Hold on to
your convictions. Seek encouragement from successful home school families. Use
discretion and winsome ways in dealing with your critics. As Colossians 4:5,6 instructs us,
“Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every
opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with
salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Pay attention to their
specific concerns, because some of them may have a nugget of truth to help you improve,
rather than abandon, your home school. Many grandparents and family friends have been
won over by a well-presented home school book, workshop, or family open house. Be
patient, because it may take a few years of success before they see the wisdom of your ways.
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Family Frenzy: Many moms fear home schooling because they don't have a
harmonious family situation yet. Maybe their children are resistant to instruction and
discipline. Toddler mischief might be driving them crazy. The atmosphere is rife with
bickering and pestering. The marriage relationship could be insecure. These moms
wonder if they will ever accomplish anything! We assume that if we are going to be “good
home school moms” that we have to have all our ducks lined up in a row before we start the
game. Perhaps we think our devotion to home schooling will automatically immunize us
from loneliness, anger, selfishness, or temptation. However, we haven't found a one-way
non-stop ticket to piety. We still lose our temper with the children. We still crave the
respect and appreciation that comes from accomplishment. We still covet our friend’s
sweet little angels. We still cry in the bathroom. So we think we have failed, permanently
and irrevocably. We aren't spiritual enough. We can't cut it, can we? The fatiguing
demands of children and housework have done nothing to invigorate us. We want to
collapse in a heap. Forget the dishes, forget the laundry, and forget school! I just want to
sleep until noon! But somewhere in our hearts is a tiny spark of life that will not let us quit
forever. We have had a taste of victory and we want more. It will not land in our laps.
Our race for family excellence is a marathon, not a sprint. Long-distance running requires
patience, perseverance, and practice! If you have had the wind knocked out of you, stop,
lean on the Lord, take a deep breath, and rest a bit. Then keep pressing on! When I am
tempted to give up, Philippians 3:12-14 is a passage that both soothes and stirs me:
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been
made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ
Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself to have
taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind
and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal
to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in
Christ Jesus.”
So we forge onward. We keep trying. Little by little, we start to grow in our family
life. Sometimes it comes in spurts, but sometimes it seems a long time coming. We must
have faith to believe that our Lord will finish the good work that he started in us
(Philippians 1:6). If your family life is not what you want it to be, prayerfully make that the
first focus of your home school. Think of it as a class called Family Living!
The Evaluation Blues: I still remember our first official evaluation in

kindergarten way back in December 1992. When we lived in Maryland, the county schools
inspected home school families twice a year. I was one nervous rookie, so I gathered up
every single educational item we owned and piled them on my dining room table in
towering stacks. I wrote a ten page summary of Mary's skills and the topics we had
studied. When the evaluator arrived, I recited our accomplishments and flipped excitedly
through our portfolio. After about a half hour of this, the dear lady snapped her notebook
shut and chuckled, “That's quite enough! You pass! And next time, I only need to see a
few books and samples!”
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Evaluating progress is a major concern for home school families. While some of us
bypass report cards and standardized tests, that doesn't mean we are ignoring evaluation.
We take progress very personally because we are essentially grading ourselves. We can't
just blame our children's failures on their classroom teachers, because we are the teachers.
We struggle with questions: Should we push harder or go slower? Should our children be
more self-directed? Are we teaching to their learning styles? Are they reaching maximum
potential? Where is the finish line in our race toward excellence?
My fitful pursuit of excellence puts me in a philosophical mood once in a while. One
question rattles around in my head: “accommodate or challenge?” There is a fine balance
between accepting natural human limitations and insisting on reasonable progress. In
nitty-gritty terms, it's a choice between letting the sleeping dog lie or waking the old thing
up to teach it some new tricks. It's a choice between cutting them slack or giving them
flack. When our children don't mind their manners, we don't always know whether to be
alarmed into forcing a drastic change or just sigh and tell ourselves they'll grow out of this
childish stuff if we keep at them. When we hit a brick wall in an academic skill, is it a
natural learning plateau, rebellion, or an inadequate curriculum? When I look at all I
haven't accomplished in household organization, do I chalk it up to the fatigue of
motherhood and active children, or do I chart out an amazing new schedule to really get
with it? When have I done good enough? When do I get my pat on the back? When will
that voice from heaven boom, “Well done, thou good and faithful Mommy?”
Unreasonable Expectations: So what do you want out of me, anyway? The
expectations of others compound this whole business of measuring up. Our identity as
moms is at stake since our self-images are closely tied to home and family. With so many
resources available to us, we feel we have no excuse for messing up. Our children must
excel academically, spiritually, and socially, or we can't justify our efforts and the local
critics will chorus, “I told you so!” Then there are nagging doubts. What if I buy the wrong
reading program, neglect a critical “real world” skill, fail to cut the apron strings, or give
the home school movement's reputation a nasty black eye? What if....? When we are
struggling, we have a hard time 'fessing up and asking for help. We don't want anyone to
think we are not “with it” or that home schooling doesn't work, so we suffer in silence and
forfeit the rich counsel that could be ours for the asking.
This measuring up doesn't just apply to academics. Many of us see home schooling
as an entire lifestyle, not just an educational option. In the broad sense of “life as
education,” home schooling isn't just part of our schedule, it is our schedule. The deeper
we immerse ourselves in the home school subculture, the more it affects the way we view
family life, government, health, entertainment, ministry, relationships, and myriad other
topics. If you survey all the magazines, books, workshops, and web sites, you end up
wrestling with dozens of viewpoints on different issues, each one claiming to be Biblically-
based. What started as an innocent investigation of home schooling options is now a
question of how you live, not just how you educate your children. Escaping peer pressure
is one reason we home school, but now we face our own adult version of it. Do you feel
compelled to buy a certain curriculum or institute a new family rule in order to be just like
everyone else in your particular group? The way of wisdom is to be like the noble Bereans
in Acts 17 who examined the Apostle Paul's teaching in light of Scripture. Let this pressure
spur you to study the Bible and exercise discernment to meet your own family's needs.
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Special Cases: Besides these general stresses which concern almost all of us,
some home school moms face more unique challenges. Not all home schoolers have
suburban evangelical Christian families where Dad works nine-to-five and Mom stays
home with three happy healthy children. Among our ranks are families with:
 working moms, unemployed dads, and/or very tight budgets

 single parents or step-parents
 moms, dads, or children who are reluctant to home school
 interfaith families
 extended families who strongly disapprove
 dads who travel, work long hours, or are otherwise absent
 an only child or several children
 academic, physical, emotional, or behavioral challenges
 teens or parents who have been on drugs, in prison, pregnant out of wedlock, or
expelled from school
 homes in the inner city, isolated rural areas, remote mission fields, or “on the road”
 children adopted at older ages, some with histories of abuse
 other children in public or private school
 religious convictions or other conditions which set them apart from other families
I am not saying it is too hard to home school under these conditions, but neither is it
easy. They can create a challenge in your own home, plus they are an extra hurdle to leap
in your efforts to become part of the home school community at large. If you are in a
difficult or unusual situation, hang in there! You aren't alone. There really are others out
there just like you. And if you know someone like this, please encourage them, pray for
them, and serve them!
How Are You Doing?
All of these pressures on the home school mom are not inherently bad. They
certainly keep us on our toes! However, we do have to watch how we react to the forces
that pull and push us. They can either challenge us to new heights of accomplishment or
they can discourage us into quitting.
At times like these, it helps to remember the reasons you chose to home school in
the first place. If you need that extra boost right now, go back and read the beginning of
this chapter. Write your own “benefits” list to look at when you lose heart. Call a trusted
friend for encouragement. My prayer is that we can lift one another up and spur one
another on. With God's blessing, I hope this book will do that for you.
12
AIM FOR THE HEART

In the journey of life, while we concentrate on dodging potholes and weaving
through traffic, we often lose sight of the final destination. If we don't have any “down the
road” view for our children, or we don't have a map to guide us there, the grand adventure
detours into frustration, confusion, and discouragement. We get stuck in the rut of daily
details -- the tyranny of the urgent -- and we forget to aim for the heart. My husband and I
have many goals for our children, but the most important ones relate to their hearts. We
aren’t always very effective at keeping focused on them as we should be, but these are the
ones that keep drawing us back.
This chapter is not exactly a simple one, but it is foundational. Before I even get into
anything about academics, I want to focus on the heart. This is not just a matter of tacking
on a few Bible verses to whatever else you are doing, but integrating into all of life the
fullness of what God has for us as his precious children. Most of this chapter is new to the
2007 edition. It is the fruit of an extra several years of home schooling, child training, and
growing as a Christian mom. After all, I’ve been through the teen years while I’m still in
the toddler years! I am writing from the full spectrum of experience, not all of it rosy. I’d
like you to learn from my mistakes. Please don’t get discouraged by the length or the depth
of this chapter. It may take you a while to get through it. It will also take some thought
and application. Also, for those of you who are just starting out with younger children,
much of what you will read here is for “down the road.” You will be there before you know
it, and now is the time to prepare for what is coming in the future. You are laying a
foundation for it, not only in your child’s life, but also in your own heart. So, with those
words of preparation about this chapter, let’s go! We will cover the following topics (and
please note that I will cover family life and child discipline in a later chapter):
♥ A Christ-Filled Life of Spiritual Maturity
♥ Creator, Creation & Creativity
♥ Learn to Discern: To Know and Do What is Right and True
♥ Preparing Your Children to Face Adversity
♥ A Sense of “Calling” for Life
♥ Nations & Generations: Home Schooling to Make a Difference in the World
♥ Justice & Mercy
A Christ-filled Life of Spiritual Maturity
My number one, absolutely essential top priority for my children is that they may
know Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. Without that, nothing else matters! I don't
just want them to be lukewarm Christians who go through the motions and say the right
religious phrases. I won't be satisfied until I see my children become whole-hearted,
consecrated disciples of the Lord, walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and the authority
of the Word of God. Being an example of this is the ultimate challenge for a Christian
parent! We must encourage our children to seek God's perspective and not take their cues
from the hopeless culture around them.
“Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your
bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your
spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of
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this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then
you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good,
pleasing and perfect will... Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your
spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in
affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:1-2, 11-12 (NIV)
As we teach our children about God, it helps to remember that we cannot save them.
We can lead them to Christ, but we cannot be their righteousness or train them to be “good
enough” to earn their way to God's favor. Christ alone is sufficient, and they must believe
in him for their own salvation. I remind myself of Galatians 3:24: “The law was put in
charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith.” In the King
James Version, it says that the law was our “school master.” In many ways, that is our
role as parents. We are there to lay down the standards, but most of all we are to point the
way to the only One who perfectly fulfills them and who enables us to live in them. I
constantly remind my children how Jesus loves them so much more than I ever could. He
is the only one who is always gracious, kind, forgiving, and faithful, even when I am not.
He is the one who gives ultimate wisdom, even when I don't have all the answers. They
don't need to ride piggyback on my faith. Even as young children, they can know him for
themselves and start a process of spiritual growth -- abiding in Christ -- which will last for
all eternity. Our focus is on prayer, worship, Bible study, a solid Christian world view,
church participation, practical service, and mature relationships.
Another thing to ponder is that little ones may respond in a childlike faith to the
Gospel message, but not really truly understand it until much later. Is it wise to assume
that they are “saved” just because they repeated the Sinner’s Prayer after you or because
they were baptized? How will you deal with doubts later on? It is not uncommon for
children in the upper elementary and middle school years to agonize over whether they are
really saved or not. When this has happened in our family, we have had to patiently go
over the basics time after time, trying to help them realize that it isn’t an intricate formula
that gets them saved, but a very foundational and simple trust in a loving God.
At some point in time, our children need to consciously affirm the faith as being
their very own. This may not happen until the teen years, even with faithful teaching and
example from the parents and church. Julia, my second oldest daughter, says she didn’t
fully “get it” until she was a teenager. It’s not that she didn’t have all the right information,
and it’s not that she didn’t accept it, but she didn’t have the maturity to know how it would
impact her life. In her teen years, as she plugged herself in at our local church, she grasped
onto it for herself. I am so encouraged when I walk into her bedroom and find excellent
Christian books at her bedside, ones that she has purchased from the church bookstore
because she really wanted to read them herself. This is especially heartening to me since
she has never been one of our big readers, so I know she wants to absorb this stuff! As she
and her older sister Mary have grown in their love for the Lord and for the church, they
have cultivated eager hearts to serve in children’s ministry, on summer mission teams to
Bolivia, and with outreach events. They are disciples in their own right, not because Mom
and Dad say they have to do this or that.
You may even find that a teen whom you thought had fully embraced the Gospel
message as their own, now realizes that he or she had just been following along with what
you taught, and now has serious questions about whether or not it is true. Many pastors
we have known have told us this is true even in their own families, so don’t feel like you are
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unspiritual. It is better for this to come to light, rather than for a child to dwell in the false
assurance that he is a Christian just because his parents are. This is actually a great
opportunity for teaching your teen in a very purposeful and positive (non-judgmental) way
what the Christian message is all about. There are all sorts of great apologetics books out
there that explain the truth for young people, such as the youth editions of Lee Strobel’s
books The Case for Faith, The Case for Christ and The Case for the Creator. One
book that clearly addresses the issue of “making the faith your own” is Growing Up
Christian by Karl Graustein. I think every teen should read these books!
Please take the time to know each child’s spiritual condition, just like a shepherd
knows his sheep. Draw them out gently in private. Make it safe to talk to you by letting
them know you are not going to intimidate or interrogate them, and that you won’t react in
massive shock if they tell you something that you don’t want to hear. This is so important,
especially in the teen years. We all want to be our children’s spiritual confidantes. This
isn’t going to happen if we don’t have a warm and open relationship with them.
Like most Christian parents, I desire for my children to grow in love, wisdom,
honesty, humility, self-control, and so many other qualities. What will they be like as
adults? If we do not start training them now, how can we expect a magic transformation at
age 18? For example, if we do not train our children to respect parents and other
authorities starting from babyhood, then it gets only harder and harder as the years go by.
Contempt for human authority leads to a profane attitude toward God, while respect leads
to reverence. If we don't teach our children to be honest about the cookie jar, how can we
expect instant integrity when we hand them the car keys? The child who is faithful in the
little things will become faithful with much, and the crucial training ground is right in our
own homes.
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he
sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature
will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the
Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for
at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians
6:7-9
If I want my children to grow spiritually, I need to share Scripture with them every
day or their education is not complete! I often get discouraged with implementing this, but
I keep trying because I know it’s worth it. I can’t change the past, but I can change the
future. Many years ago, as I grappled with how to overcome the obstacles which have
hindered us, I asked God to give me a new vision. How could I reach the hearts of my
children, and not just their minds? Again and again I realize that cultivating positive
attitudes in my children is so vital to the whole growth process. How they think about God,
about authority, about learning, about work, about family relationships -- this is what can
make or break a home school. As a result of this prayer time, I decided to start a special
Worship and Wisdom Hour with my children each day. I set up special notebooks for each
of us with sections for Songs, Prayers, Bible, and more. First we sang hymns (downloaded
from www.cyberhymnal.org), contemporary choruses and classic children’s Bible songs
that I selected for their emphasis on worship or on spiritual commitment. Each day, one of
the children chose a song and I chose one, too. The kids enjoyed banging on pots and pans
or Tupperware bowls with spoons to keep time. Sometimes they danced around while we
sang or acted out the songs with hand motions. It was pretty lively at times, for sure!
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After singing, we prayed using a list of requests from family, friends and missionary
magazines. Third, we had a short Bible study. And lastly, we read aloud from quality
character building literature. Though my children were not always 100% reverent during
this time, I was pleased with the results. I feel that it set the focus for the day. What is
education without wisdom? And what is wisdom without God’s word?
Well, the years have rolled by and times have changed. It is rare that our entire
family gathers for devotional time together, except for an occasional Scripture reading by
my husband at a meal. However, I do still try to have a Bible and literature time most
mornings with my younger children, ages 10 and under. Now we often use the New
International Reader’s Version (NIrV) which is easier for kids to understand than an adult
Bible. We usually start off with a passage from Psalms or Proverbs before moving on to
the New Testament. And I still have a good selection of Christian books to read aloud to
them after that! This is a very pleasant and productive time for us. I like to think of this
time as bringing my children to Jesus for a blessing, as folks did in Mark 10:13-16. Since a
major reason for home schooling is spiritual training, here are over a dozen ways to help
your children grow in their knowledge of the Lord through Scripture.
♥ Read a short passage of the Bible aloud at the beginning of each day. Perhaps Dad
can lead this at the breakfast table. (Don’t criticize his efforts if it doesn’t go exactly
how you think it should go. Respect him as the spiritual leader of your home!) If
your children are old enough, let them take turns reading. Offer brief age-
appropriate comments and ask questions. The Gospel of John is a good place to
start. If your pastor is preaching sequentially through a section of Scripture, find
out what he is preaching on next week, and study it ahead of time. This will help
your children understand and enjoy the sermon better.
♥ Set up a weekly one-on-one discipleship session with each of your older children. A
child can really appreciate having Mom or Dad all to himself for an hour! Include
Bible study, prayer, and confidential discussion. This is not a time to pick on your
children's faults, but to communicate loving concern for their lives.
♥ Print out a list of Scriptures to go along with almost any unit study. You can use the
web (such as www.ESV.org) to find verses. Passages abound for myriad topics such
as farming, nutrition, astronomy, or the Reformation. Make a copy for each child to
read and keep for future reference. You can create a whole unit study on a theme
such as creation, patriarchs, prophets, life of Christ, or the early church.
♥ Start a regular Bible memory program. Use a packaged card system or choose your
own verses. Write the new verse on a wipe-off board each week and review the old
ones. Children should also be encouraged to memorize longer passages, even whole
chapters. They can do this by starting with one or two verses, and then adding on a
verse each day. Psalm 23, 1 Corinthians 13, Romans 8, and Colossians 3 are all
worthwhile memory projects.
♥ Sing Scripture music, such as Steve Green's Hide 'Em In Your Heart series.
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♥ Use a Bible story book as a first reader. Find one that is attractive, friendly, and
easy for beginning students.
♥ Read the Bible or a Bible story book aloud at bedtime.
♥ Focus on one Bible virtue each week or month. Find a related character, Scripture
story, and key verses. Look for related literature.
♥ Let your children make illustrated Scripture verse posters. These make a
worthwhile decoration for bedroom walls.
♥ Use Bible verses for dictation, handwriting, and grammar exercises. Examples:
punctuate the verse, find all nouns, identify dependent clauses.
♥ Use Scripture passages for thinking skills activities. For example, print out the
verses from Proverbs 15, cut them apart, and have your children categorize them
under the headings of Integrity, Attitude, Correction, and Speech. Then have them
read them all aloud.
♥ Encourage your children to develop the habit of private quiet times. Equip each one
with a good study Bible, notebook, and devotional tools.
♥ Take advantage of teachable moments. Be on the alert for opportunities to relate
every day happenings and issues to specific Bible principles.
One note: be ready for your children to apply Scripture in ways which may be
initially uncomfortable or inconvenient for you as a parent. One morning at breakfast, my
husband taught the children about being content with what we have and being generous to
share with others. He had just set an example for us by giving our extra vacuum cleaner to
a single mom at his office. A few hours later, our six year old asked if she could give a pair
of her outgrown sneakers to a visiting neighbor. My first reaction was, “But I was saving
those for your younger sister!” Then I thought about how silly I was being. I needed to let
Naomi share and put the Scripture into practice! OK, so that’s just a tiny thing, but here is
something more serious. Just after two of our teenage daughters signed up for a 2005
missions trip to Bolivia, that nation was plunged into massive political upheaval, complete
with a coup and rioting in the streets. For safety reasons, our relatives questioned whether
we would still allow them to go. What a decision! We prayed and consulted with the
mission trip leaders, and decided to let the girls make their own choice. They chose to trust
God for whatever would happen, reminding us that ministry was the priority and that they
needed to be courageous. They did face many different kinds of risks (including hazardous
bus rides on narrow mountain roads and being exposed to lots of weird germs and bugs),
but they wouldn’t have traded it for anything. Oh, did I happen to mention that I was 8
months pregnant with our 10th baby when they left? Yes, it cost me some, too, but there is
no way I would have held them back just for my convenience. Like I said, sometimes
applying Scripture can require something from us! This is where personal example is such
a powerful teacher.
Fellow parents, let's persevere in the most important facet of home schooling:
spiritual maturity! When we reap a harvest of godly young adults, what a contrast they will
be to the decadent culture they will live in! The light of Christ in them will pierce the
darkness. This hit home for me when my second daughter, Julia, graduated from our
church’s home school program. The nine graduates each gave heartfelt tributes of honor to
their parents. What they appreciated most was not so much the academics, but the heavy
investment their moms and dads had made in their spiritual lives. I know there were many
people in the audience who are not Christians, and some of them commented to me about
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how touched they were by this. It was such a testimony to them of the grace of God. Now
that's a motivating vision for the future!
Creator, Creation & Creativity
As home school moms, we long to fill our children’s hearts and minds with good
things! We are not just talking about behavioral rules or academic skills, but a thirst for
beauty. We are right to focus on the cross and salvation as the foundation of our faith, but
we also need to reverence the Lord as our Awesome Creator. Think back to Genesis about
how our Lord marvelously called our world into existence. Paradise! Beauty! Purpose in
life! Oh, how sin marred this ideal, but creation still points us to our Creator. In fact,
Romans 1:18-20 says: “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all
ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness
suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them,
because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his
eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the
creation of the world, in the things that have been made.”
I think that part of introducing our children to spiritual things, to the realm of a
Gracious God in their lives, begins with an appreciation for creation. We should give our
children ample time to enjoy the splendors and the intricacies of the natural world. They
should gain a sense of divine awe for the masterful design of geographical formations,
plants, and animals. This can inspire us to worship the Lord! The same God who created
all this created me, too! We didn’t evolve from pond slime. We were designed by an all-
knowing all-powerful God who has a plan for our individual lives. There are so many
excellent resources to teach our children about creation versus evolution. As home school
families, let’s take full advantage of our right and privilege to use them. The Jonathan
Park CD stories produced by Vision Forum have excellent content and are fun for bedtime
listening. They even have study guides so you can extend the educational value. The
Incredible Creatures that Defy Evolution DVDs are great, too.
I recently came across a book which expands on children, nature, creativity,
imagination, a sense of wonder and mystery, the arts, and the heart far beyond whatever I
could write here. Be sure to get a copy of Romancing Your Child’s Heart by Monte
Swan. (Visit Monte and Karey’s web site at www.rychfamilies.com). This is a masterful
book on parenting, a must-read highly recommended by folks like Tedd Tripp (author of
Shepherding a Child’s Heart), Dennis Rainey (Family Life Today), and Wade and
Jessica Hulcy (authors of the KONOS curriculum). I was captivated from the start by
Monte’s description of his own Wisconsin childhood, and parents who nurtured his love of
nature and of creative tinkering, even though he struggled with traditional learning. The
aimed for the heart – and they got it! Monte writes: “As we smell a wildflower in the
springtime, watch a blazing sunset over the desert, or witness a thunderstorm on a sultry
summer afternoon, beauty and drama capture our hearts. Is the wonder we feel the
response He hoped for as He created these things? I'm confident that creation reveals
another aspect of romance in God's heart. He's the first Quilter of prairies, the primer
Painter of autumn colors, the archetypical Sculptor of the mountains, the master
Composer of the whippoorwill's song, and the original Poet of grace and truth. And He
has imprinted His creative image in human hearts. Burning curiosity, wonder at
mystery, and the delight at finding a solution that makes order visible -- all these
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accompany creativity, giving us our fullest happiness and deepest satisfaction on earth."
1
Let’s go beyond nature study to more human endeavors. Our creative God, who
made us in his image as creative beings, often reveals himself through the “common
graces” of literature, art, music, and nature study. Charlotte Mason, the esteemed turn-of-
the-century British educator who wrote much about home schooling, always urged parents
to make the most of these, rather than merely dull dry paperwork. She envisioned children
growing up wholesomely in the spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical realms of life.
That’s what we want: true beauty, a keen aesthetic sense that so fills the soul that there is
no room for the garbage our culture dishes up so liberally. The beauty I am talking about
is not just “pretty stuff” for the eyes and ears. It is not devoid of pain and suffering. It is
what transforms the soul toward the inner beauty of kindness and compassion – and that
will mean exposure to the pathos of human existence. Our literature choices need to
carefully reflect real life at the heart level. French archbishop Francis Fenelon wrote in
1687:
“Children filled with thoughts of their romantic heroes, become astonished when
they look around in real life, and cannot discover a single person throughout the
world bearing resemblance with their ideal hero. They would wish to live like
those princes and princesses who are always charming, always adored, always
above every care. What a disgust for them to descend from a hero and heroine, to
the low detail and drudgery of taking care of a family. Children should be
influenced by books that vividly portray life in all its trials and victories. Divine
providence should echo throughout its pages. Characters who suffer wrongfully in
a righteous manner, and display humble dispositions, will lay a secure foundation
for the time when childhood may be stolen away; perhaps through the death of a
loved one, sickness, or calamity. Children need informed instruction, and models
of heroes and heroines of righteousness to fill their reserves for such a time. In
literature as well as in history, God who doeth all things well, must be seen
through the filter of His divine love and tender care of His children and as an
avenger of all who harden their neck.” 2
Literature, art, music, nature study – these are so vital to “ignite the delight” in a
child’s education! But they must be worthy! Philippians 4:8 tells us, “Finally, brothers,
whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure,
whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if
there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
What is the learning atmosphere in our homes? Are they places where we read great
books to one another in the evening (or at any other time), where lullabies and hymns are
sung, where fine art books are contentedly browsed through on the couch, or where an
older sister thinks to put on classical music so a tiny brother and sister can grow up with a
bit of culture? We can have it if we choose it. Even if we don’t own all the resources we
would like, we can always go to the library, or take a field trip to an art museum or a free
concert in the community.
1Romancing Your Child’s Heart, page 99, by Monte Swan

2
As quoted in Education of a Child: The Wisdom of Fenelon, edited by Mark Hamby, Lamplighter
Books
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Beyond enjoying the creativity of other people, our hearts are nurtured when we
create beauty, too! Art is not just another school subject. In whatever form it takes, it is a
way of touching the heart, of being who God created us to be. We can affirm our children
in their fledgling efforts at creativity. Each child has different talents and interests, but
each one can find a niche or two. Whether it is a pennywhistle performance, a colored
pencil drawing, a pattern block design, a piano minuet, a zany impromptu skit, a rollicking
rhyme, a fragrant flower garden, or a tasty ethnic meal – may our lives be enriched by the
abundant fruits of their creativity! We don’t expect perfection because we learn and
improve as we go. We don’t want to squelch the desire with undue criticism. Our family
once visited an Eric Carle exhibit at our local art museum. From an information panel on
the wall, we learned that he was inspired in his vibrant artistry by a kindergarten teacher
whose encouragement carried him through the rest of his dull years of education. How
much will our words of affirmation mean to our children, for whom we will be primary
teacher for so many years? Let’s aim for the heart with the arts!
If you still think that the creative arts are optional, ponder for a moment how they
can be used for God’s glory within the church. Our children have sung in choirs and on the
church worship team, acted in church musicals, painted sets and sewed costumes for
Christmas productions, face painted for community outreaches, mimed on mission trips,
helped out with kids’ crafts during a Mom’s Brunch and much more. Our church also has
several talented young dancers who bless us during holiday services, musicals, and youth
outreaches. I see so much hope for the future of the church knowing these young people
are using their creative energies – in whatever form -- to minister to others. Think also of
how dependent our culture is on the arts to communicate messages about life. If we want
to be able to draw people to the Savior, we are going to have to raise up a generation skilled
in relaying the Good News through the most effective, heart-reaching means. Let’s get
them hooked on honoring God with their talents while they are young! This starts with
giving them high quality examples to emulate in the books they read, the music they listen
to, the art they look at, the movies they watch, and the people they meet. Choose well –
you are laying a foundation for life. That’s exactly where we’re going next…
Learn to Discern: To Know and Do What is Right and True

One reason we home school our children is to teach them discernment: to know and
do what is right and true! We want to pass along our faith and family values, and not leave
them vulnerable to everything else out there. We realize that discernment is not just about
making isolated moral choices (like what movies are appropriate to see) or following rules
to avoid negatives. It is also living by positive principles set down in Scripture and being
able to listen to the Lord for specific life direction in fulfilling the destinies to which he has
called us. We each have to discern not only right from wrong, but the “priority best” for us
from among many “good” opportunities. Here are several ways we can teach our children
discernment.
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Teach your children to evaluate what they learn and what they choose
by Scripture. For a Christian, the Bible is the ultimate authority in life – not what culture
or experts say. We should all learn to “set our minds on things above, not on earthly
things” and remember that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” My daughter
Mary (age 20) commented after going to a New Attitude conference on discernment, that
“gray areas” where the Bible is not specific are not excuses for sloppy thinking. If we
search it out, we can find Biblical solutions for each decision that we face. James 1:5-8
assures (and warns) us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives
generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask
in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea
that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that
he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable
in all his ways.” (ESV) It’s not enough to simply learn the truth – we need to apply it
and to continually renew ourselves in it, claiming it as ours in Christ. “…Test
everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.” 1
Thessalonians 5:21 (ESV)
Teach your children the Bible! Even if you don’t get into complex discussions
with your little ones, you can always introduce such basic concepts as “you reap what you
sow” (what might happen if you do this…) and “do unto others as you would have them do
to you” (how would you feel if…). Make sure they are especially grounded in the nature of
God and the nature of man. God is powerful, pure, holy, just, good, and kind, while man is
naturally deceitful, selfish, unfaithful, and proud. Knowing this helps us to trust and obey
God’s way of doing things, and also to be wary of everything else in the world that has been
corrupted by man’s sinful nature.
Encourage your children in their own personal walks with the Lord.
Help them to establish a consistent and meaningful devotional time of Bible study, prayer,
and worship. As they mature, look for a deeper understanding of the concepts. Learn to
draw out their hearts, and see how their knowledge is affecting their lives, their attitudes,
and their choices. Encourage them to cultivate an attitude of humility and teachability so
they can seek wisdom.
Teach your children to closely guard their own emotions. As I have
watched the home school movement for the past twenty years, I have been grieved to
observe the faith and virtue of countless young people shipwrecked by three very powerful
emotions: bitterness toward parents (which results in outward rebellion or passive
rejection of their values), pride (they know it all and don’t need any counsel or
accountability) and unwise romantic attachments (which can sway someone into thinking
or doing things that ought not to be thought or done). Feelings are sort of like the moon –
they have a tidal pull (on our attitudes and choices) and they sometimes eclipse the sun
(block our vision of truth), but they should also reflect the sun (show God’s glory in our
lives). You may find appropriate times with your children to share your own experiences of
dealing with your emotions so they can remember they are not alone, and perhaps find
some strategies for handling their own feelings. You can also work at communicating
regularly and lovingly with your children so you can be aware of the challenges they are
facing. They should know that you are a safe person to talk to, that you won’t be overly
shocked when they share something with you, and that you will work through issues with
them in a healthy manner that preserves their own God-given dignity.
Allow for different maturity levels among your children. Learning
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discernment is a gradual transfer of responsibility from the parent to child as their ability
to reason develops. A newborn has no discernment at all, but by the time our offspring
have reached “adult” age, we expect them to be making prudent choices most of the time.
However, there is no abrupt cut-off at age 18; young adults still need parental input and
guidance, although our goal is to launch them into independence. We all need
accountability, even as older adults. I actually welcome my children making observations
about my choices, as long as they are halfway respectful about it. They might say, “Mom,
why are you watching that TV show? It’s not very edifying!” or “Mom, don’t you think what
you just said was gossip?” Fair enough! Our lives are open books, aren’t they? And
speaking of that, you may wish to share examples of how God has guided you through your
decisions in life, such as in relationships, finances, schedule, educational options, career,
ministries, health care, etc.
Give your children a vision for the future. What kind of men and women do
they want to be? Do they realize that the choices and habits they are making now affect
their future in vital ways? I liken this to packing a toolbox. If a plumber or electrician or
carpenter goes off to a job and doesn’t have the appropriate tools (drills, wrenches, nails,
etc.) then he is ill-equipped for his job. If our children go off into life without the tools of
diligence, wisdom, purity, respect, and other virtues, they will be ill-equipped to deal with
what life throws at them. So their job is to pack their life toolbox now and prepare for
success. They need these character qualities now, anyway, not just as adults!
When you do see your children making wise choices, be sure to tell
them! This can help guard them from wanting to give up, and they will be motivated to
repeat the good things that you have appreciated in them.
Remember that you are a gatekeeper. You decide what comes in and out of
your home, and where your children go. You have the right to say “no” to whatever you
think might harm your children, while at the same time allowing them increasing flexibility
to make their own choices under your guidance. You need to provide wise leadership to
your children in choosing friendships, books, music, movies, hobbies, group classes, and
other things that may influence their attitudes and choices. Please remember that not
everything that is labeled Christian is reliable or consistent with your family’s standards
and values. There is a lot of religious crud out there! An author who has written one good
solid book might be totally off base in another. The same thing goes for magazines,
musicians, public speakers, etc. Be aware and beware! Here are a few tools to help you
safeguard your children.
♥ For children’s literature reviews from a “family values” home school mom
perspective, visit http://bookangles.com/info/titles.htm
♥ For music and video game reviews, visit www.almenconi.com
♥ For movie reviews, visit Focus on the Family’s www.pluggedinonline.com
♥ For free Internet filtering, http://www.k9webprotection.com/
Provide worldview training. Show how Christian thinking compares with other
belief systems and ideologies. There are many books, workshops, and camps available to
Christian families. Some authors to look for are Dr. Francis Schaeffer, Lee Strobel, David
Noebel, R.C. Sproul, and Jeff Meyers. You could ask one of your pastors to teach a
worldview class to home school students or to the church body at large. Our own church
has used The Truth Project DVD series (www.TruthProject.org) produced by Focus on the
Family. Summit Ministries (www.summit.org) also has good materials and events.
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Choose academic resources consistent with a Biblical worldview, such as
those which teach creationism. Be sure to check out the Creation Studies Institute web
site at (www.creationstudies.org). Answers in Genesis (www.answersingenesis.org) has
built a new state-of-the-art Creation Science Museum (www.creationmuseum.org) in
northern Kentucky.
Teach your children to think clearly and thoroughly. Train them to pay
close attention to what they are studying, rather than doing the mere minimum to get
through an assignment. (The Charlotte Mason methods of oral and written narration can
help them with this.) Help them to search out the deeper themes in literature, rather than
just recalling details. Keep track of current events and trends (culture, politics, etc.), and
evaluate them in light of the truth of Scripture. Teach logical thinking skills, such as
spotting fallacies in reasoning. Help them write out a pro-con list and/or brainstorming
pages when they are making decisions. Let your children face the consequences of these
choices, especially as they get older. Experience can teach what lectures often can’t.
Show your children that they can’t always judge a situation or a person
by first appearances or impressions. Discernment requires getting the whole
picture, not depending on stereotypes or snap judgments. We don’t have to be afraid of
truth or of stretching our perspective, and we can still learn something valuable even from
those who might hold a different view of things than we do.
Remind your children that being discerning sometimes requires making
difficult, inconvenient or unpopular choices. Encourage them that the eventual
rewards (not always immediate) are worth it. They may have to stand alone when all of
their peers (even home schooled ones) are doing something different. They may have to
set aside their own desires to defer to the needs of others. They may have to delay instant
gratification so they can obtain a more lasting or valuable future benefit.
Preparing Your Children to Face Adversity
In the summer of 2004, three destructive hurricanes blew through our area of
Central Florida in a period of just six weeks. Our family had some major inconveniences
from these, and eventually had to get a new roof, but that was nothing compared to the
devastation that Hurricane Katrina wreaked upon New Orleans and the rest of the Gulf
Coast just a year later. I can’t even imagine picking up the pieces of life after that.
However, much of what we “weather” in life is not wind and rain, but other kinds of
adversity. The storms of life will come and go, but will your child be prepared or be blown
away? In some ways, home schooling appropriately shelters children from many storms of
life. In other ways, it can prepare them to be even more effective in dealing with
challenging and disappointing situations. This process takes effort on the parents’ part as
they try to discern the balance of sheltering and preparing. There are many ways any
parent can help prepare a child for weathering the storms of life.
Cultivate a sense that God is in control, no matter what happens. Show

how faith, hope, and love can conquer depression, fear, and anger. We don’t always
understand what is happening, but we can trust a sovereign God. In showing God’s
providence and our need for perseverance, you can use Bible stories (such as Joseph, Ruth,
or David), Bible verses (such as Psalm 43:5, James 1:2-4, Romans 5:3-5, Romans 8:26-39,
1 Peter 1:6-9, and Habakkuk 3:17-19), hymns and worship songs, and prayer. Many
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children are disillusioned when they pray and God doesn’t answer as they want him to.
Explain that sometimes he answers yes, sometimes no, and sometimes wait. Share stories
from your own life when you asked God for something that would not have been good for
you, and how you are glad you didn’t get your own way. You can also model a wholesome
response to trials in your own life. Your children are always watching you!
Equip your child with both skills and responsibility ahead of time. Don’t
coddle your children – challenge them! If you make life too easy for them, they will never
be strong enough to face the outside world. Stretch them appropriately in their academics
and household chores, and don’t let them give up on an assignment just because they think
it is too hard. Children who have learned to value responsibility and duty over comfort and
convenience will have more inner strength to face challenges in life. There are also specific
skills you can teach that will help your child prevent or solve problems that they might
possibly face. At various stages of their lives, you may wish to cover first aid, home safety,
emergency survival skills, map reading, traffic rules, self defense, time management,
money management, organization skills, household repair, etiquette, and communication,
etc. With younger children, role play “What If?” games, asking what they could do if they
got lost at the mall or a dog started chasing them or another child dared them to do
something wrong. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Teach Biblical peacemaking concepts. Walk them through how to resolve
interpersonal conflicts, which are usually either the cause or result of so many of life’s
storms. Peacemaker Ministries (www.peacemaker.net) has many wonderful resources.
Adversity should never be an excuse for conflict. It can become a way to draw together
with the ones we love.
Let your children “own” their trials. You can comfort them and brainstorm
with them, but don’t be quick to offer easy answers. Make it a dialogue, where you are
merely coaching them through solving their own problems. Give plenty of time – don’t
rush through this process! Follow up later on to see how well they are coping with the
aftermath, and if there is any bitterness or confusion. Teach your children to think ahead of
time about the consequences of their choices. “If I do this, then that could happen.” Let
them suffer the natural consequences of their own poor behavior, since they will learn from
that more than from a lecture. Do not let them whine, sulk, or manipulate others. Hold
them responsible for their share of conflicts, rather than simply blaming the other party to
salvage a child’s feelings. If you see your child reacting to a frustration with bitterness,
accusation or impatience, stop them and role play a calm, wholesome response. I no longer
allow my children to yell, “THIS IS STUPID!” Instead, they may say, “I don’t understand
this.” And finally, encourage your child to look for a life lesson that God is trying to teach
them through this. If they caused their own problem, they could learn to repent and
prevent situations from happening like this again. In a situation that was not the child’s
fault, they can learn patience to endure, faith in God’s care, and compassion for others who
are suffering. Be sure to point out “evidences of grace” that you see in your child’s life
because of this trial that has helped them to mature.
Teach your child to be flexible enough to adjust to circumstances. They
should develop the ability to switch to Plan B without undue agony, because rigidity is not
an asset in life. Sometimes we have to "think outside the box" and get past being a control
freak about our own agenda. For example, my 12 year old daughter Lydia was trying to
make a special welcome home dinner for one of her sisters. She ran into some obstacles,
though. First, the ground beef wasn’t thawed out enough to make meatballs. We decided
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to do a roast instead. Then we found out that our oven coil was broken, so we had to cut
up the meat into chunks and make a stew on the stovetop instead. We sent a loaf of
braided egg bread over to a neighbor’s house to bake, and instead of cupcakes, she used the
batter to make frosted pancakes! Plan B turned out to be yummy! There are so many
times when life doesn’t go as we plan, whether it is a rained out picnic or a failed science
experiment. We all have to learn to roll with the punches and not get bitter. If our
children learn this while they are young, they will be light years ahead of the game!
In your home schooling time, be aware of teachable moments. Read
plenty of heart-reaching books where the people face difficult circumstances. Talk about
what they did that was appropriate, and what they did that wasn’t. While studying science,
point out instances in the natural world where “adversity” is necessary to produce the best
results, such as precious metals being refined, gemstones being hacked out of the ground
and chiseled into shape, muscles being exercised, tree roots growing deep for nourishment
and anchoring, etc. Math can be a major source of frustration. However, it can model
more general problem solving principles, such as staying calm in the knowledge that the
problem is here to teach you something valuable, following any instructions, breaking it
down into smaller parts, thinking through the different options, working carefully with
keen attention to detail, asking for help when necessary, and checking to make sure the
solution is reasonable. See how even the academic aspects of home schooling can prepare
your child for facing the storms of life? What a blessing!
A Sense of “Calling” for Life
Another big goal of home schooling is to prepare our children for their role in the
adult community as they move into the working world. This is not just an academic
exercise in career planning, but a matter of the heart. You see, God has designed each one
of us for a special spot in the scheme of history. At each season of life, he places us where
our unique gifts and abilities can be developed and put to productive use. At times, it
seems like our talents are hidden away, but he brings out each one of his treasures as he
has need of them.
The saga of Joseph in Genesis 37-50, illustrates this concept beautifully. From
Joseph's teen years, God gave him grand dreams for his life -- dreams which made his
older brothers so intensely jealous that they sold him into slavery. From there he bounced
back and forth between servitude and power. He was ultimately appointed second-in-
command of Egypt, in charge of stewarding the nation through seven years of famine.
Later, when Joseph had both excuse and opportunity for retribution against his brothers,
he realized that though they had intended to harm him, it was all part of God's perfect plan.
The Lord fulfilled the calling over a period of twenty years, even when Joseph was
oppressed and “forgotten.” His purpose was not just to turn Joseph from a shepherd boy
into a powerful ruler, or even to spare Egypt and the surrounding nations from starvation.
These events ultimately played a crucial part in Jehovah's redemptive plan for all nations
in history through the earthly lineage of the Messiah. He also has a destiny for each of us
which interlocks with his eternal agenda! He doesn't reveal the details all at once, but
neither does he leave us clueless about where we fit in. He expects us to faithfully use the
gifts he has given:
“We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift
is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving,
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let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him
encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give
generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing
mercy, let him do it cheerfully.”
Romans 12:6-8
Do your children have any idea of what God is calling them to do in life? Are they
aware of how he has endowed them with gifts and talents to be used for his service? Do
they have any inkling of how to use their spiritual influence to impact the nations for
Christ? Not only do we have spiritual gifts, we also have “secular” talents which can be
used for God's glory. He has equipped artists, engineers, nurses, car mechanics, chefs,
linguists, inventors, receptionists, computer whizzes, bricklayers, research scientists,
plumbers, authors, politicians, farmers, bookkeepers, and everyone else. What would we
do without them? Where does your child fit in? What will he or she do for a living? Of
course, not all of these talents will be used in a paying career. Some will be used in the
family, among friends, in the church, and in the community. Perhaps we can't put a price
tag on these efforts, but we can still appreciate their worth.
God's gifts and callings are not always apparent in young children, but are
illuminated slowly over the years as they explore their interests and aptitudes. Often,
God's direction for a person is affirmed by those who know him well. Other times, profile
tests can be useful. It is important for us to be more aware of these things so we can plan a
logical course of study leading to proficiency and enjoyment in the targeted occupation or
ministry. In all our plans, let's seek the will of the Sovereign Lord, who can instantly
change the course of our lives in very unexpected ways.
“Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or
that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.'
Why, you do not know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life?
You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do
this or that.'” James 4:13-15
“Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that
prevails.” Proverbs 19:21
As we think about preparing our children for their calling in life, we can learn some
lessons from the life of Hudson Taylor. I once read a biography of Hudson Taylor to my
children which gave me some insight into home schooling. Hudson’s parents, James and
Amelia, home schooled the children through reading aloud, dictation, grammar, French,
Latin, arithmetic and plenty of heart-enriching nature study. More importantly, however,
they were carefully trained in the Scriptures, having family devotions after breakfast and at
afternoon tea. Next came a time of fervent prayer. James also gathered the children at
bedtime for prayer with his arms around them. Then he would dismiss them to their own
rooms for a time of private Bible reading, saying, “Learn to love your Bible, for God cannot
lie. He cannot mislead you. He cannot fail.” Visiting preachers would delight the children
with conversations about theology and missions around the family table.
This sounds like the ideal home school setting for spiritual growth, and indeed it
was. However, there were some significant bumps along the way! At age 15, Hudson went
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to work for a bank, but unfortunately his materialistic and skeptical co-workers had a big
influence on the boy. He wrestled with doubt about his childhood faith, and eventually
turned away from it. Providentially, after several months, an eye disease forced him to quit
his job. He sulked gloomily around the house, which irritated his father, who wasn’t aware
of his son’s spiritual struggles. One day, shortly before he turned 17, he picked up a Gospel
booklet in the parlor and decided he would read the story at the beginning but close it
when it got to the “preachy” part. However, he read it all the way through, and was so
taken by the concept of “the finished work of Christ,” that he was gripped with conviction
and prayed to receive Jesus as his Savior. Unbeknownst to him, at that very moment, his
mother, visiting a relative 50 miles away, was called by God to pray for the conversion of
her son. She stayed on her knees in fervent intercession until she received assurance that
her pleas had been answered. Hudson’s younger sister Amelia had also been praying every
day for a month for her brother.
After a period of spiritual growth and local service, Hudson felt called by God to go
as a missionary to China, where the Gospel was virtually unknown. He did not know until
many years later that his parents had prayed, shortly before his birth, to bear a son who
would bring God’s word to that very country. He did indeed! After going through medical
school (while living austerely and trusting in God alone for his finances) he set sail for
China. Adopting native dress and hairstyle, he was a faithful evangelist, Bible translator,
doctor, and mission organizer. By the time of Hudson Taylor’s death at age 73, the China
Inland Mission had recruited 800 missionaries, raised 7.5 million dollars and converted
30,000 Chinese people to Christianity.
I think this story can give hope to parents who are doing the best they can, but they
have children who may or may not always “get” the message of the Christian life. Get a
vision, lay the foundation, build on it wisely, and as you go, pray, pray, pray! Don’t get
resentful if your child seems to reject your faith and values because that will only drive him
further away. Wait and see what God can do. It could be that he doesn’t want you to
depend on your efforts, but fully on his grace to save and transform your child’s life. He
must get the glory!
Nations & Generations:

Home Schooling to Make a Difference in the World
Like James and Amelia Taylor in the 1880s, one of my goals has been to inspire my
children to see how they can make a difference in this world for God’s glory. "Nations and
generations!" has been the cry of my heart, echoing the cry of God's own heart. We've
studied cultural geography to learn about how people live and what they believe, and we've
talked about missions, but sometimes reading a biography about a missionary who lived a
hundred years ago is too remote. We need to know that is going on the world right now -
and how we can participate! Learning about global current events via the Internet,
newspapers and TV news has also been quite fruitful, though we have to fight the tendency
to be armchair spectators. Just knowing about a crisis around the globe does nothing to
alleviate it. I realize that the most important lesson will be personal example. What do
they see me doing and what can we do together? We've always made a point to send both
money and tangible items towards missions. Please understand that as I write the
following examples, I am not trying to brag. Instead, I write to share a testimony of the
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Lord's faithfulness to our family as we are trying to serve him globally, as well as offer some
practical ideas for your own families.
In the summer of 2005, my two oldest daughters, Mary (then 18) and Julia (then 16)
traveled to Bolivia on mission trips hosted by our church. Julia returned to southern
Bolivia in 2007 on a ten day medical team. She has a real heart for the people of Bolivia
and for extending the Kingdom of God. After she returned from there the first time, she
hung a Bolivian sugar sack over her bed. Then over the following weeks and months, she
did something that I considered most unusual: she taped up a whole bunch of newspaper
photos of people around the world who are suffering from war, famine, injustice, and
natural disasters. My eyes welled with tears when I realized why she had done this. On her
nightstand, heavily marked and highlighted throughout, was the book Ministries of
Mercy: The Call of the Jericho Road by Timothy J. Keller. There are a lot of things I
wish I had taught my children all throughout their home school years, but I’m glad to see
that they are at least developing hearts for compassion, service, and world missions.
When the kids were young, they had so much fun stuffing shoeboxes with small
items for needy children around the world, and then delivering them to a Samaritan’s
Purse (www.SamaritansPurse.org) drop-off point. This is a worthy ministry organization
that I highly recommend. Our children have also helped pack care boxes for pastors in
the Ukraine and children in Mexico to be personally delivered by friends.
One year, the girls collected blankets from our friends and neighbors to be sent to
Sudan for Voice of the Martyrs’ Blankets of Love program (www.persecution.com). VOM
has been a terrific resource to us. We've read their magazine articles about the persecuted
church around the world, watched their excellence children's video (Stephen's Test of
Faith), and subscribed to their children's quarterly, LINK magazine. On the topic of
persecution, also be sure to check out the International Christian Concern web site at
www.persecution.org for information on the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted
Church, which occurs each November.
In 2001, we assembled gift baskets for Indian and Chinese students at UCF,
followed up by a traditional American Thanksgiving dinner for them at our house. The
kids worked hard to prepare the meal and decorate the house. They also had a chance to
share their own talents with our guests: one sang a Thanksgiving hymn, one played the
piano, etc. We got quite an education about Indian culture that evening as our guests
shared about religious pilgrimages, arranged marriages, idol worship, and other Hindu
customs. This was a wonderful extension to the unit study on Asia that we had been
doing. Since it was Thanksgiving, we jumped on this opportunity to watch an animated
video about William Bradford and the pilgrim colony with our guests. This naturally led
into a discussion about the stark difference between the American form of government
and the Chinese way, and introduced our guests to the Christian faith in gentle and
winsome way.
For Christmas the year I was pregnant with Ben, my daughter Mary (then 16) gave
me the gift of prenatal care -- for a woman in Africa! She ordered this gift in my honor
through Harvest of Hope, an outreach ministry of Partners International. You can
"send" such unusual gifts as goats for milk and breeding, native language Bibles, bicycles
for church planters, school supplies, sewing machines for cottage businesses, emergency
medical kits, well-building supplies and more! Call 1-888-887-2786 or visit
www.harvestofhope.org to see a catalog of gifts in different price ranges.
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One spring, we hosted a whole bunch of missionary kids for a party at our home
while their mothers enjoyed an elegant tea at a friend's house. This was a great
opportunity for my children to use their creativity to extend hospitality to our little
guests.
Another year at Christmas time, some of my daughters helped me distribute little
Christmas outreach packets to our neighbors, which included a greeting with an original
Christmas poem and a Gospel of John. We hung these on doorknobs with pretty ribbon.
For the past several years, we have been committed to sharing as much as we can
with Headson Makazinga, a village pastor and church planter in Malawi and
Mozambique. The proceeds from my Learner’s Journal lesson planner go to him for
Bibles, hymnals, conference expenses, and orphan care. We also produce and ship
Chichewa language tracts for him to distribute. The children have helped with this
endeavor.
Some families decide to sponsor a child through Compassion International or
another trustworthy organization. This provides the child with money for food, clothing,
and school expenses. Your own children can correspond with them, too.
Nations and generations! We can make a difference in the world if we look beyond
the borders of our own countries and realize there are billions who haven’t heard of Jesus
and his love.
Justice & Mercy
“He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8
One of the greatest privileges of educating my own children is the opportunity to

teach them about the themes of justice and mercy. Whether we are studying classic
literature, history, geography, current events, careers, science & technology, health, home
economics, and even math applications, these concepts can be woven through our
curriculum. Take a few moments and think of how you can do this. Human nature being
what it is, the drama of conflict and suffering unfolds down through the ages and across the
world. I want my children to be able to respond not just with their heads, but with their
hearts. I want them to evaluate ideas and actions in light of the truth of Scripture. In
addition to what I have already listed in the “Nations and Generations” section, here are a
plethora of ideas for incorporating the concepts of justice and mercy into all of the subjects
of your education program.
Scripture: Study what the Bible says about the subjects of justice and mercy. You
can do a search on these words in Scripture at www.ESV.org. For starters, take a look at
the entire chapter of Isaiah 58. Think about it, especially in terms of how you can apply it
in your own lives!
Family Life: Model justice and mercy in your family relationships through fairness
and mutual respect, but also patience with others who aren’t holding up their end of the
bargain. Teach your children to endure perceived offenses without undue fussing.
Children love to cry, “It’s not fair!” Usually this means they haven’t gotten their own way.
Life isn’t always fair, but a lot of the time we just need to go with the flow, allowing
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someone else to go first or get the bigger share. Yes, there is a time to stand up for yourself
and for others, especially in matters of moral conscience or flagrant injustice, but much of
the time we just need to yield rights and show preference to others.
Community Service: Foreign mission projects are exciting, but they aren’t the
only ways for our children to serve God and others. There is so much to be done in our
own communities! Part of this is just being aware of needs as they come up, such as
babysitting for an evening without charge for a struggling family, or volunteering to serve
at a church event, or mowing a neighbor’s lawn, or planting flowers during a community
improvement day. But we can also take the initiative for regular, planned community
service. One of our friends takes her girls to visit a nursing home every Monday night.
Teens might tutor and mentor disadvantaged elementary age students each week through
an inner city ministry. Our church organizes periodic service projects for the youth, such as
packing food at a homeless ministry. Habitat for Humanity (www.habitat.org) also offers
work projects building homes for the disadvantaged.
Perspectives: Learn to think from other people’s perspective and give them the
benefit of the doubt. When we observe other people who are different from us or who
disagree with us, it is easy to get judgmental, critical, and legalistic. This is a poor example
to our children. We need to “walk a mile in the other man’s moccasins” and to “take the
plank out of our own eyes before we dig around for the speck in someone else’s eye.” As
home school families, we probably look pretty strange to other people, and we want them
to think well of us even if we don’t agree. Let’s extend the same courtesy. We may be
strange, but let’s be gracious, too.
History and Literature: Read well-written books, especially biographies and
historical fiction. Talk about how people in these stories made just or unjust decisions,
how these affected other people, how they responded to one another, what they could have
done differently, etc. If we are reading about slavery or some other time of great injustice,
I want my children to think of how they would have responded. When she was 10 and we
were studying the Holocaust, my daughter Rachel asked if I would have sheltered Jews
during World War II. I would have done something in the anti-Nazi Resistance movement
if I had lived then. But that begs the question: What am I doing about injustice now? How
am I living out justice and mercy in the 21st century?
Government: This is another school subject that lends itself to a study of justice
and mercy. For a civics class you can study your country’s executive, legislative and
judicial systems to discover how laws are made and enforced. What does the constitution
say? What checks and balances are in place to prevent corruption? How are freedom of
speech and freedom of religion protected? How are criminals punished? How are
minorities and women treated? Next, do a comparative study of various political systems
around the world, including republican, democratic, monarchy (with our without a
representative government like parliament), communist, socialist, military dictatorship,
etc. Find out what life is like in Iran or Cuba. Reading about wars also provides many
scenarios for discussion. There are at least two viewpoints for every conflict. No one is
entirely right or wrong. Each side has reasons for acting as they did. Innocent civilians
suffer for poor decisions made by their governments, and are not “the enemy” themselves.
For example, Patricia Beatty’s book, Be Ever Hopeful, Hannalee, is told from the
perspective of a young Southern sister and brother cruelly uprooted from their home and
family during the Civil War. You can discuss concepts such as “just cause” for revolt
against an unjust government, reasonable force, aggression vs. self-defense, pacifism, etc.
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We should apply this to various conflicts, past and present. This is excellent material for
logic and thinking skills.
Current Events: When you read the newspaper or watch a news program, talk
about the concept of justice. Was the court decision fair? Why is this person claiming
discrimination? What programs should the federal or state government fund? How does
the welfare system work, and is it effective? What policies should the government set
about issues such as euthanasia or stem cell research? Check out the work of the
International Justice Mission at www.IJM.org.
Writing: For language arts, you can study vocabulary (integrity, justice,
righteousness, compassion) and assign creative writing projects relating to justice and
mercy. “What would you do if you found an iPod on the floor of the science museum at a
field trip?” “If you had $500 to give to five different charitable organizations, which would
you choose and why?” Whom do you know who embodies the concepts of justice and
mercy? Write them an encouraging letter! Many folks are discouraged in the midst of
their service, and your kind words of affirmation could give them just the moral boost they
need to continue. Think about it!
Careers: Discuss workplace ethics from your own family’s experiences as well as
news stories. Talk about how one person’s actions affect others. If an employee embezzles
money or is not a good steward of company resources, it ultimately makes prices go up for
the customers. If an employer discriminates in hiring or firing, or allows harassment, this
reduces employee morale as well as hurting the offended party. Our actions affect others!
Civil Protest: Talk about boycotting and picketing as a means of non-violent social
protest. How have these been used throughout history? What has been the result in
various circumstances? Are there any products or companies that you boycott? Why?
Would you ever picket? If you have a TV, watch the news for labor union disputes,
environmental activism, and other forms of protest.
Education: Talk about the ethics of education. What does it mean to cheat on a
test or plagiarize writing? (One of my children seemed to make a huge leap in her ability to
do addition using our homemade flash cards, until I realized that the paper was thin
enough for her to see the answers on the back!) I need to teach my older children how to
properly attribute a quote to another source, and how much word for word excerpting is
appropriate in various kinds of writing. Home school moms obviously have to help their
children with schoolwork, but do give some thought to how much is appropriate for each
age level and situation. At some point, children do need to think for themselves. If they
need to take a chapter test, go ahead and prepare them ahead of time for it, but then just
let them do it! They need an honest appraisal of their performance. We shouldn’t always
shield them from that! As long as we are on this topic, are you adequately complying with
state requirements for home education?
Fairy Tales: Fairy tales often present a simplified view of justice. The lines
between good and evil are clearly drawn since little people can’t always understand the
nuances of more complicated characters and plots. In the older versions, the villain (the
big bad wolf, the wicked witch, etc.) usually meets his or her doom in the form of death.
The newer non-violent versions have the bad guy chased away “never to be seen again” or
reformed due to the innocent example of the child hero. Most times there still is that sense
of closure, the “happily ever after” that young children need to assure them that all is well
and the world is safe. At some point in time, children need to mature to the point where
they can appreciate a more realistic story that may not have a tidy ending. The Book of
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Virtues and The Moral Compass, both edited by William Bennett, are essential
anthologies of stories and poems for all ages.
Games and sports: A little healthy competition provides great opportunities to
practice fair play, good sportsmanship, following the rules, taking turns, and being kind to
someone who is less experienced or physically able. If your child is struggling with team
cooperation, ask him, “What would you say to a player acting like this if you were the
coach?” You can also find out what kinds of games and sports are played around the world,
especially in Third World countries where they don’t have fancy toys. Can you send a box
of soccer balls to an orphanage overseas?
Justice and mercy are so close to God’s heart. If we want to reflect his image, they
must be close to ours as well. British ministry leader Mike Pilavachi encourages Christians
to not turn away from news about injustice or oppression or poverty, but to act. “Because
the truth is, if we don’t look properly, we’ll never cultivate a true heart of compassion. If
we want our hearts to be changed, then we need to get involved. Often I think we’re afraid
to see things fully because we know that once we have, we can never plead ignorance to
God; we’ll have blown that excuse out of the water.” 3 He quotes Dr. Martin Luther King,
Jr. as saying, “We will have to repent in this generation for not merely the cruel words and
actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.” So I plead with
you, my fellow home school parents, as you rightly shelter your children in some ways,
don’t isolate yourself or them from the needs of the world that God has called us to serve in
his name. If we don’t, who will?
Aim for the heart! Our agenda is so much bigger than spelling tests and science
experiments. I encourage you to seek out the Lord's will for each of your children, and to
work diligently and purposefully according to what he reveals. Get a vision for something
bigger! With the grace of God, our children can be a shining testimony to the world in the
way they conduct their business, raise their families, worship the Lord, and serve the
needy. That's a powerful motivation for me as I carry out the daily duties of being a home
school mom!
3
Mike Pilavachi, When Necessary Use Words: Changing Lives Through Worship, Justice and
Evangelism, published by Regal Books. First quote is on page 114. Second quote is on page 132.
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THEORY & PRACTICALITY:

HOW DOES EDUCATION REALLY WORK?
As abstract as they may seem, your educational theories and philosophy will make a
daily difference in your home school experience. Have you taken the time to research the
major approaches to home education, think about how they apply to your family and write
down your own particular opinions and goals?
Working With the Author of Life
As you sort through educational issues, it is helpful to note the various components
that need to make up the package. On one side is The Student with his or her unique
abilities and interests at this age or stage. On the other side is The Body of Knowledge that
you wish to impart to The Student. By what means will you do this? Enter Teacher,
Materials, Methods, Schedule/Sequence, and Setting. Yes, we have a Who, What, How,
When and Where. Is that all you see? Is there something missing? Of course! You can get
this sort of mechanistic approach to education in any secular academic journal. While all
of these are necessary, there is no true education without constant reference (and
reverence) to the Author of Life. To borrow an illustration from a traditional college
model, I like to think of God as the Professor, and myself as a Graduate Assistant. As I
teach, I am fully accountable to my omniscient Boss, who opens the bountiful library of his
wisdom (Scripture) to direct me through his plans for each branch of our studies. He is
also always “on call” (through prayer) to discuss the students, course contents, format,
curriculum, schedule or whatever else befuddles me at the moment. And though I have
had years of education myself, I am still learning right along with my students.
If we see Jesus as the prime mover in education, this infuses life into learning. No
longer shall we merely learn a list of uninspired facts to regurgitate later. Now we see it as
the process of discovering the world that he has made, seeing his divine hand intervening
in human affairs throughout time (history) and space (geography), developing the gifts and
skills that he has given us to serve others. Most of all, it is becoming who he wants each of
us to be on the inside where a standardized test cannot measure the results.
Entering into Your Own Philosophy of Education
With this emphasis on keeping God at the center of education, it is nevertheless

tempting to look around at whatever our concept is of a “godly home school family
pursuing academic excellence” and then to try to imitate every tidbit of what we read or
hear. During my first several years of motherhood, I devoured books and magazines by
Mary Pride. Her profound influence on me is one reason that we have ten children and are
such avid home school advocates. She published over a dozen of my own articles in her
various magazines and newsletters, and though I do not agree with her on every point, I
have a deep respect for all the hard work she has done on behalf of the home school
movement. In my early years of family life, I idolized her so much that I wrote her a letter
and suggested that she make a video about her family, featuring home schooling, home
business... home everything! It would be so perfect, wouldn’t it? She quite politely
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declined! Though she was (and is) a home school guru, she was humble and real enough to
let me know that her home was not a public showcase and that her family did not belong
on a pedestal. In the years since, I have gotten out of the habit of living life according to
the question, “What would Mary Pride do?” and started thinking more about “What does
Jesus want me to do with my family right now?” (And that is just as Mary Pride would
have it!)
When we start out being parents or home educators, we have lots of theories about
how things will work. Like good lab scientists, we put our theories to the test and see what
comes out of the “black box” -- what works, what bombs. We adjust a few things and try
again. Oh rats, I still didn’t get the exact results I wanted! But our children aren’t rats nor
robots, not angels nor demons. We are very complicated human beings, and we are each
unique! What works for yours, or for the expert who wrote that great book, may not work
for mine. What worked for my oldest may not work for the next in line. What worked last
year may not work this year, even for the same child. You can read all of the home school
books, magazines, and web sites, and talk to a gazillion moms in your support group or e-
mail loop, but the bottom line is that you have your own family to educate.
Theories, Methods and Materials: Tools for Teaching and Learning
Educational theories, methods and materials are very useful tools available to us to
accomplish whatever task we need to do right now. Like any tool (from a hammer to a
power drill, from an egg beater to a paring knife) you pick it up when you need it, and you
lay it aside when you don’t. Some we use every day and always keep them close at hand,
while others we pull off the shelf once or twice a year for a special occasion.
For example, when you teach math, you might have a workbook which you use daily
at a regular time. It provides healthy structure so you can cover everything in an orderly
way, and it is convenient for you, all laid out as it is with an answer key for quick grading.
But when you teach the concepts such as addition or place value, you find it helpful to pull
out the math manipulatives (anything from an expensive set of plastic blocks to a handful
of raisins) for a personal demonstration that you read about in one of your teacher idea
books. When you sense that they need extra speed with computation, you could shelve the
workbook for a week or so and just concentrate on drill -- oral, written and/or
computerized. Then you show your child the real life application as you cook or build a
birdhouse or count out change at the grocery store. You are making wise use of your tools,
both tangible and abstract. But these materials and methods are still just tools in the
pursuit of the end result. You don’t need to feel obligated to them; they are your servants,
not your masters!
Likewise, as I sift through the popular home school styles -- traditional textbooks /
workbooks, relaxed schooling / unschooling, classical education, technology, unit studies,
Charlotte Mason method, etc. -- I find certain things which are useful to me in each one. I
have blended them in various amounts at different stages of home schooling, always trying
to go for the least fuss and most effectiveness and enjoyment.
For the rest of the chapter, I will try to share what I appreciate about each of the
major educational approaches, and how they have worked or not worked in our family, in
the hopes that you will see something you would like to adapt or avoid. Please keep in my
mind that I am not an expert or know-it-all on any of these methods. These are just my
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humble opinions!
Traditional Structured Approach: The classroom style of home education,

using formal textbooks and/or workbooks, is depended on by many families and disdained
by others. As far as the routine schedule, this works well for families who most appreciate
structure and who are in a situation where they can easily make it succeed. These children
know what they are expected to do at each hour of the day, so they can develop reliable
habits of study and work. If the schedule is not too rigid, and is sensitive to the maturity
level of each child, it will be a blessing for years to come. But if you have tried to stick to a
detailed daily schedule and it just doesn’t fit your family style, you don’t need to feel guilty!
Just do what works for you! In my opinion, textbooks and workbooks definitely have their
place in the scheme of things. The advantage of the best of these is that a body of
knowledge about a certain topic is laid out in an organized and comprehensive fashion.
The students can proceed through them sequentially and get a fairly logical overview of a
subject. They are convenient for the teacher to assign and grade. On the down side, they
can be quite expensive and tedious in large doses. In our early years, we only used
traditional workbooks for math and handwriting. However, we now use textbooks and
workbooks in many different subjects. I am particularly happy with Apologia Science at
all levels. We also use A Beka extensively for middle school and high school history. I’m
impressed with many of the readers we have used from Christian Liberty Press, too.
Progeny Press and Total Language Plus literature study guides use the “whole book”
literature approach and are useful for upper elementary through high school. We have also
used various grade levels of the Write Source series with great success. We are diehard
Horizons Math users in the elementary grades, though I confess that I rarely read the
lesson plans in the teacher manual. Honestly, I still have an aversion to text books, but I
am thankful that they are here in this busy season of life just to keep things rolling along.
There are many benefits of text books and work books. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
You can use them as the main course of the educational diet or you could just serve them as
side dishes! If you are interested in the traditional structured home school approach, I
recommend reading Home Educating with Confidence by Rick and Marilyn Boyer,
which is available from www.thelearningparent.com.
Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of the Traditional Approach
♥ Set up a reasonable daily schedule for each family member.

♥ Choose textbooks or workbooks especially for subjects which teach sequential skills,
such as math or grammar.
♥ Even if not used regularly, textbooks make excellent references for content subjects.
♥ Serious high school subjects often require more formal materials such as textbooks.
♥ Select interesting and attractive materials that you wouldn’t mind using yourself.
♥ Save money by buying used and/or reusable books.
♥ Answer keys will keep you sane and are worth the extra money, especially in the
upper grades.
Relaxed Schooling / Unschooling: Almost diametrically opposed to the

traditional structured approach, “relaxed schooling” and “unschooling” are both similar
and different from one another. They both emphasize real world experience, lower level of
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structure, interaction with knowledgeable adults, and independent learning based on
curiosity and the “need to know” a concept at a particular point in time. “Unschooling” as
advocated by the late John Holt, takes place when the child chooses what, when and how
he wants to learn, with minimal direct adult intervention. In contrast, Dr. Mary Hood,
Christian author of The Relaxed Home School, still calls for a low-structure
independent learning environment, but advises parents to formulate definite goals and
hold the child accountable for progress. The strong points of these approaches are that the
child ideally becomes a self-motivated, eager learner who can handle the varied situations
that life brings. A child who has been overstressed by typical classroom methods may
especially appreciate a period of unschooling.
Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of

Relaxed Home Schooling or Unschooling
♥ Include your child in household projects, errands, community service, etc. Teach as
you go.
♥ Take field trips to interesting places.
♥ Allow an unstructured time each day for the child to pursue her own hobbies and
interests.
♥ Encourage your child to develop relationships with other enthusiastic adults who
have wisdom and skills to impart.
♥ Provide hands-on tools and supplies needed for independent projects and learning.
♥ Fill your home with interesting books about all kinds of subjects!
♥ Allow your child to help pick out learning materials and activities.
♥ Encourage learning as something your child does for himself, not something done to
him.
Unit Studies: While I don’t like to be stuck with just one label, this is admittedly
my specialty – or at least it used to be in our earlier years of home schooling! Unit study is
a natural method of learning which attempts to weave many school subjects (language arts,
literature, history, geography, career orientation, science, technology, art, music, math
application, etc.) around a chosen topic for a period of time. One goal is for the child to see
the logical connections between the subjects. The other goal is to focus on a topic in its
“natural habitat” of related information, just like we do in the real world. Knowledge is not
split into tidy little isolated boxes, but comes alive as a whole body. You can also present
the information on several levels for different members of the family. A big plus is that
most of your reading materials are available in your public library – which can make unit
studies a very low cost method of education!
While I love unit studies, I do have to watch out that I don’t try to make everything
we learn fit into the current unit study. Obviously, it would be difficult to teach every math
skill using only your unit study, though I have a friend who has done this in the younger
grades with a single child. I also can’t expect them to learn everything there is to know
about a topic. They would quickly get sick of it! I’d rather pique their interest with a good
solid introduction, a framework on which they can hang other related facts they encounter
later. My children also have their own interests that sometimes seem to take precedence
over my planned theme. When I am tempted to ask, “But what about all those weather
books on the shelf?” I have to bite my tongue when I realize they are reading books about
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other good topics -- like butterflies or the Civil War -- at the moment. If I see them
drawing a kangaroo, I don’t say, “But you can’t do that until we study Australia!”
A possible disadvantage to unit studies is that you do have to invest some planning
time, but this can be as simple as doing a computer search for good titles at your library,
swooping along the shelves to pick out the best of them, carting them home, assigning
books to various children and planning a few related activities. Almost any of these steps
can be partially delegated to your children!
You will find more information on unit studies in the Essentials of Educational
Excellence chapter, as well as in my book Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled
Home Education for Preschool to 5th Grade.
Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Unit Studies
♥ Choose a theme such as The Human Body, Pioneer Days, Insects, Desert Life or
Music.
♥ Decide how long you plan to spend studying this theme and what your main goals
are.
♥ Make a list of subtopics in the areas of literature, science, history, geography,
careers, etc.
♥ Use the public library for most of your books!
♥ Plan a few simple hands-on projects, writing assignments or field trips.
Living Books / Charlotte Mason: Miss Charlotte Mason was a late 19th / early 20th
century leader in British education. Her Parents National Educators Union schools, in
homes and villages around that country, championed natural learning methods, high
quality literature, the fine arts, orderly home atmosphere, healthy outdoor time, and the
dignity of the child. Her methods, outlined in the six volume Original Home Schooling
series, have made a comeback in modern home schooling circles where they are also
known as “living books” or “life experiences” education. Mind you, I haven’t yet been able
to plow through all of her own writings, but I do appreciate the books and magazine
articles I have read about them. If I had to choose one approach to home schooling, this
would be it! For language we use dictation, copy work and narration; choose interesting
“whole books” written by authors with a passion for their subjects; and teach children to
read with a commonsense blend of phonics and sight words. There are so many other ways
we have used Charlotte Mason to appreciate art and nature, but to list them would start
another whole chapter! My favorite book on this is The Charlotte Mason Companion
by Karen Andreola.
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Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Living Book / Charlotte Mason
♥ Choose interesting “living books” and biographies for reading aloud or independent
study.
♥ Keep lessons short and varied so that the mind does not become dull.
♥ Assess comprehension by oral or written narration (the student tells what he has
learned).
♥ Use the methods of dictation and copying to practice grammar, handwriting and
spelling.
♥ Go on nature walks and draw what you see.
♥ Allow plenty of time for unstructured outdoor play.
♥ Study fine art and listen to excellent music, focusing on one artist or composer at a
time.
Classical Approach: This medieval system of education, revived in this century

by British writer Dorothy Sayers, proposes teaching the Trivium, three mental maturity
based levels of learning called Grammar, Dialectic and Rhetoric. Hallmarks of the
Classical Approach are memorization of facts, classification skills, Latin, formal logic,
theology, debate and ancient cultures. Sayers’ goal was “to teach men how to learn for
themselves.” Used in private and home schools, it offers a rigorous intellectual education.
One major challenge facing parents is to pull together all of the hard-to-find books and
supplies needed to fully implement a classical education. Also, for parents who lack a
background in such scholarly subjects, the thought of teaching them can be quite
intimidating. But this should not prevent parents from picking and choosing some of the
classical tools and principles as needed. Our oldest daughter attended a one day a week
classical education program for the first two years of high school, and I think it was a
productive experience for her! If you are interested in the classical approach, I would
recommend reading The Well-Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise, or
at least poking around at their web site, www.welltrainedmind.com.
Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of the Classical Approach
♥ Give your child Bible verses, short lists of facts, or famous quotes to memorize.
♥ Teach the Latin and Greek roots of modern day words to improve vocabulary skills.
♥ Show your child how to spot logical fallacies (faulty reasoning) in what he reads or
hears.
♥ Practice making organized, understandable, interesting public presentations.
♥ Study the history and culture of Ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, the Middle Ages, etc.
♥ Teach your child how to classify animals, plants and other data.
♥ Give your child a thorough overview of Biblical events and concepts.
♥ Hire a tutor or enroll your child in a class to cover a particularly difficult classical
subject.
Computer Technology: Not usually seen as a distinct “approach” to education,

computer technology has nevertheless become a major part of how we teach our children,
often supplanting the use of other methods such as text books. This is partially out of
38
necessity as we’ve entered this new technology-dependent millennium. Computer skills
are vital for college education and adult occupations. A computer offers rapid, compact,
efficient access to information. It is a very time-saving, patient, “friendly” interactive tutor
for basic skills. It gives your child the power to create attractive reports and displays to
showcase what they have learned, as well as the ability to quickly communicate with others
via e-mail. You can even enroll your child in on-line courses. For example, in our state,
students can get credit for free courses offered by the Florida Virtual School at
www.flvs.net. My daughter Mary took an Advanced Placement English class one year in
high school and found it very rigorous. I am so thankful for the four computers in our
home! (I especially love my husband’s laptop which I can take into the bedroom and use
while I sit in my favorite rocking chair!)
There are some cautions. We lambaste the use of television as a babysitter, but
neither are computers any substitute for a wise and caring human teacher. We should
always be aware of what our child is doing on the computer (especially if they are using the
web) and offer parental guidance along the way. We should put reasonable limits on the
time our children spend in front of the screen, and severely curtail the use of time-wasting
non-educational games which can hurt the eyes and strain the wrists. After all, the time
spent at the computer is time not spent in healthy outdoor play, reading good books,
making creative things with the hands or helping around the house. At our house, each
child is assigned one specific hour per day, and non-educational games are usually only
allowed on weekends.
Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Computer Technology
♥ Excellent CD-ROM or on-line software is available for all topics and age levels.
♥ Teach your child how to use word processing, spreadsheets, and simple
databases.
♥ Do web searches to research information or show your child how to create a web
page.
♥ Let your child use e-mail to correspond with friends and relatives.
♥ Consider enrolling your child in a web-based or e-mail academic class. We have
been very pleased with the Florida Virtual School (www.flvs.net), which is free to
Florida residents but still available to others.
The Cooperative / Group Class Approach: This is quickly becoming one of the
most popular options in the home school movement. Our own family has been quite
involved in cooperative and group class education for many years. Cooperative education
is when a number of families gather together on a regular basis to share the teaching and
learning. For example, the co-op we are in now has 100 children, from nursery age
through high school, from about 25 families. We meet all day on Mondays at a local
church. Each mother is responsible for teaching or helping in at least two of the four class
periods, which cover Math, Science, Social Studies and English. Some students opt out of
one or two classes and go to study hall instead. This is an academic co-op, with required
homework assignments, rather than a stand-alone enrichment co-op. A team of ladies
administrates the group, but we all pitch in to get the job done. I really enjoy teaching the
middle school English class (literature, creative writing, grammar, spelling, etc.). I can do
things there that I couldn’t do at home, and spend time focusing on creating terrific lessons
39
for one class instead of for all of the subjects and grade levels. We use a mix of different
teaching styles, based on the topic and ages of the children, as well as the teacher’s own
favorite style. Our children have also taken weekly enrichment classes taught by
volunteers at church, as well as paid weekly tutorial classes in high school math and
science.
Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Cooperative Learning
♥ Pray about the situation before you jump in. Once you make a commitment, you
need to stick with it, so count the cost. What do your husband and children think?
♥ Look for a group that is well-organized, with clear policies for classroom discipline,
homework, sick children, etc.
♥ Consider what subjects you would enjoy teaching, and plan your lessons with
diligence and creativity, just as you expect the other moms to do for your children.
♥ Make every effort to be there every time and be on time.
♥ Train your children how to behave in a classroom setting, such as learning to raise
their hands, speak respectfully, keep their hands to themselves, etc. Make sure your
children complete any required homework, too!
♥ Teach with love and genuine concern for your students, accommodating to their
skills levels, but gently stretching them to higher accomplishments.
♥ If you are personally starting a group from scratch, go visit other local co-ops first to
see how they work. Take good notes! And try to start small. You can always grow
as you go, but if you start out too large, you may have a fiasco on your hands.
The Eclectic Approach: Synthesizing Your Own Style
Are you boggled after reading about the different approaches to home schooling?
Which is right? Which is right for your family? If you think about it, what the people who
teach these approaches are trying to describe is how you can most effectively allocate your
family’s time, money, space, attention and decision making capabilities to secure the best
education for your children. To that extent, each one is valuable. I doubt that any single
approach offers everything you will ever want, and there are so many overlaps that we can’t
even say they are mutually exclusive. I guess I use what I call the Eclectic Approach,
attempting to combine the interest and organization of unit study, the natural methods
and love for beauty of Charlotte Mason, the order and discipline of traditional education,
the freedom and imagination of relaxed home schooling, the scholarship of the classical
approach, the convenience and fun of computers, and the accountability of a co-op. I
cherish the freedom to pick and choose from whatever will work at the moment with each
child. I feel so blessed to be a home school mom just because of that. If you ask me what
my philosophy of education is, I would say:
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“God is the Creator of the Universe, the Author of Life, the Prime Moving Force in
History, and the Ultimate Teacher. He has chosen my husband, children and me
to be members of one family, to live and learn together. In his grace and wisdom,
he has given parents the awesome responsibility to train and educate children so
they can know, worship and serve him in practical ways all of their lives. Our
children can learn by being with us, watching us, listening to us, conversing with
us, and working with us as we go about our daily lives. Through personal
relationships, reading, and writing, they can acquire and share knowledge and
skills with others. They can gain direct experience with the world around them
through hands-on discovery and projects. They can learn self-discipline as they
follow plans that are not all of their own choosing, but they will also enjoy the
satisfaction which comes from individually pursuing their own God-given interests
and talents.”
It it Time for a Change in Home Schooling?
If you are frustrated with home schooling, you may sense a need for change. In fact,
you just might be itching to do it differently. Don't be afraid to break out of a rut and start
something new. It is wise, however, to take things a little at a time! First re-evaluate why
and how you are home schooling. Maybe you need to adapt your curriculum or teaching
methods to your growing children or a new understanding of the learning process. A fresh
breeze of new ideas can stir through your home school and give you a new burst of energy.
Some moms start with a very structured text book program and later decide to
loosen up and do things a little more creatively. They might add an occasional unit study,
or plan more field trips, activities, and independent projects. Other moms launch out with
“100% natural” teaching or unschooling, but then gravitate to a little more structure and
routine as their children grow or become more numerous. When our family started home
schooling, I thought I would make up our own entire curriculum as we went along. I
avoided text books, designed our own worksheets, and racked my brain every day for new
ideas. The children learned fairly well this way, but after a few years I realized that I was
leaving small gaps in their skills and that I was tired of trying to “reinvent the wheel.” I
started investing in more structured curriculum for math, some language arts skills and
science. This allows me more time to plan unit studies for history, geography, creative
writing, literature, art, etc. We also still liberally use hands-on manipulatives, homemade
materials, and other spontaneous learning methods. Our family is now more efficient and
more effective, so I am glad I felt the freedom to change.
Home school moms don't need to feel embarrassed about laying aside curriculum or
teaching techniques that just aren't working right now. Effectively meeting our children's
educational needs is more important than justifying the time and money we have already
spent concocting a program that doesn't work. Maybe you can adapt the program to fit
your needs, save it for later, try it with another child, lend it to a friend, or sell it. We all
make occasional blunders when choosing materials or methods. It is part of our growth as
teachers!
Education for the Future: What About College?

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College is a huge issue for many home school parents. It is for us. I’m not totally
sure what I think about it now. My oldest daughters, Mary and Julia, both started dual
enrolling in the local community college when they were 16 and in their junior years of
high school. This is an extremely common practice among the home schooled young
people here in Central Florida, because it is an economical way (free tuition!) to get a jump
on college credits, and it takes a teaching burden off the parents for the more advanced
courses. I don’t have any huge complaints about how this has worked out in our family so
far, except that it is definitely a step away from the home school lifestyle. You just don’t
have as much contact and influence over your teens in this situation. Plus, you are sending
your teen into a culture that is probably very alien to your way of life. (Many parents still
think a community college is preferable to a high school because the peer culture is less
intense and there is less bureaucratic control for parents to wrangle with.) Some teens are
mature enough to handle this kind of “culture” and some aren’t. We haven’t seen a major
detrimental effect on our daughters, who are pretty grounded in their faith. They have had
to endure a lot of rough talk in the classroom, as well as a lot of anti-religious teaching,
especially as Mary transferred to a local four-year state university. Yes, we did wrestle with
whether or not to send her to a private Christian college out of state. In the end we decided
that we couldn’t afford it (even after scholarships) and we’d rather have her home and have
some direct oversight in her life. We do talk pretty regularly about what’s going on at
college, like what her feminist professor had to say about the elections, or about the
Buddhist guy who unsuccessfully tried to ask her out for a date! She seems to hold her own
well enough! (Update in 2009: Last year Mary graduated with honors with a degree in
Journalism and a few days later married Ryan Tindall. She has interned at the Wall Street
Journal, worked as a copy editor for the Orlando Sentinel, and now works as a writer in the
marketing department at Wycliffe Bible Translators.) Julia, after two years of dual
enrollment (in which she amassed nearly a year’s worth of college credit) has decided at
this point not to continue with college. She plans to work and be involved in mission
projects until she eventually gets married. (Update in 2009: Julia works full time for a
restaurant equipment company. She spent three months in Bolivia earlier this year at the
mission in Entre Rios, and returned with a two week church group trip in the summer.) I’m
not sure about what we’ll do about college with the other girls. Some of them have only
minimal interest in college, even in dual enrolling. Maybe next time we’ll wait until the
senior year of high school for dual enrolling for the ones who still want to do that. We take
it as it comes, with much prayer! (Update in 2009: Rachel dual enrolled for only her
senior year, and is continuing at the community college for now. Joanna is dual enrolling
part-time for her junior year, catching a ride with Rachel.)
Most American parents automatically assume that college is the primary means of
career preparation, but many in the home school movement are taking a second look. Is it
really necessary for every young adult to sit in a college classroom for four or more years, at
an annual cost of several thousand dollars? Do they really need to “learn to think” from
professors who, for the most part, do not profess a Biblical faith? Are there any
alternatives? Granted, some careers (accounting, medicine, law, engineering, etc.) require
a degree for professional certification, but for the rest, possibilities abound for a truly
creative and productive education. Some students choose trade school or “college ala
carte,” picking only those courses which will be most useful in their individual pursuits.
Others design their own liberal arts program by delving into the plethora of great books
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which reinforce the Christian world view, and illuminate, rather than degrade, the mind
and spirit. The book College Without Compromise: An Encouraging Guide to
Starting Early, Finishing Economically, and Protecting Your Homeschool
Vision by Scott and Kris Wightman covers many of these topics.
Ironically, the most interesting options are offered by a combination of new-fangled
technology and the revival of old-fashioned concepts. On the “new” side, there are college
level options in computer on-line courses, educational video, teleconferencing, and who
knows what else to be developed in the next few years. And, in a return to old style
education, we can consider apprenticeship, family business, entrepreneurship, and
independent study. Many valuable skills can also be learned in volunteer settings. As God
leads, we can customize a quality “higher” education, just as we have been doing all along
in the younger years.
When my oldest daughter Mary was a junior in high school, she was recommended
for a position as an intern with a local law office. This firm only hired interns who have
been students with a local classical home school program. They know that they will get
high quality workers! Mary had a great opportunity to learn office skills there, and enjoyed
the salary, too. Julia has worked on the maintenance crew at our church, and has learned
to fill in for the receptionists when necessary. Our teenage daughter Rachel helps my
husband with administrative and computer support for his real estate work. I see much
value in apprenticeships and internships.
~*~*~
Whatever style of teaching and learning you choose for your family, I am confident
that with diligence and creativity, you will do a fantastic job. You will make adjustments –
some big and some small -- along the way. There is nothing wrong with that at all! Just
have a terrific time learning with your own kids!
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ESSENTIALS FOR
EDUCATIONAL EXCELLENCE
Home schooling is one of the most challenging jobs there is, yet it also has
tremendous potential for shaping the world to come. Few of us would bother if it didn't
somehow hold out the hope of more responsible children and excellent results, but it
sometimes still seems like a marathon. It can take constant hard work from Mom and
Dad, which bites into our own agendas. Focusing on home schooling takes discipline. If
you tend to spend school hours concentrating on your own tasks or hobbies while your
children work “independently,” you may be physically present but mentally absent. Your
prime role during these hours is teacher, so you must be available to explain assignments,
answer questions, and untangle frustrations. This is not to say your children should
impatiently demand every minute or that you can't fit in snatches of this and that, but
Mom's close attention is a key to success. Kids can’t raise themselves effectively!
One thing I have always heard in the home school movement is that it is more
important for a child to develop strong Christian character than to fill up the brain with
skills. This is true! The qualities of faith, honesty, courtesy, generosity, diligence, and
others are totally indispensable for pleasing God. Compared to them, even the 3Rs are
mere electives! Janet, a veteran home school mom of seven, has sage words: “A lot of us
have pressure and conflict because our society overvalues academic skills instead of
spiritual development and we want our kids to be able to compete in the market place with
public-schooled ones. This is particularly acute at the high school level, when you must
complete specific amounts of hours, tests, and paper trails in order to get a diploma. I
believe that if they have the character and not all the skills, they will be able to excel
beyond people who have skills and not the character.” Amen! Of course, the ideal is to
teach our children to be strong in both character and practical skills. It's not an either/or
situation. In fact, character training moves beyond the theoretical as children learn how to
work. They must become productive and diligent with their current school work so they
can also effectively serve God and others. Here is my personal list of essentials for
educational excellence.
♥ Determine the Style and Capabilities of Each Child
♥ Provide Appropriate Curriculum and Resources
♥ Plan and Assign Lessons
♥ Set Up a Daily School Schedule
♥ Organize Your School Room
♥ Keep Track of School Papers
♥ Clearly Demonstrate Each Educational Skill
♥ Use Academics and Your Example to Develop Practical Life Skills
♥ Add a Little Adventure
♥ Develop a Sense of Teamwork
♥ Evaluate Success
♥ Encourage an Attitude of Excellence
Determine the Style and Capabilities of Each Child

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How our children approach and accomplish their work will depend on their unique
personality, learning styles, physical development, attention span, and intellectual and
emotional maturity. Home school parents must determine how their children learn best,
and what level of skills and information they can pursue. There are lots of technical
sounding labels in educational theory, but the main point is to find out whether your child
needs:
♥ materials and methods which are primarily:
 visual (sight) -- books, pictures, graphs, diagrams, videos
 auditory (sound) -- tapes, songs, chants, rhythms, discussions, lectures,
videos
 tactile (touch) -- puzzles, math manipulatives, kits, hands-on activities
 kinesthetic (movement) -- activities using the large muscle groups
♥ structure (routine and sequence) or spontaneity
♥ solitude (peace and quiet) or companionship (group work)
♥ supervision or independence
♥ logic or intuition
Your research will pay off if you find even one or two hints to help you reach your
child more effectively. If you can see that your child's uniqueness is a precious blessing,
you will learn to affirm it, not try to “fix” it. Teaching to your child's style can make or
break your home school.
Another mom once implored me to pray for her family when they started home
schooling again. In kindergarten they had used a traditional Christian textbook curriculum
and a structured classroom schedule. They were both stressed out and exhausted, so the
next year she enrolled him in a Christian school where he repeated kindergarten and went
on to first grade. Her son's teachers complained about his classroom behavior, even
though he did good work and was relatively compliant. What was the problem? They
discovered that he was an active kinesthetic learner! He couldn't sit still in the classroom
for hours and do nothing but page after page of workbooks, so he would dutifully finish his
work and then go find something else to do. Was he a disruptive child or a budding
genius? Wiser from the experience, they started using activity-based unit studies with
great success. He has since graduated from high school, and his mom is still joyfully home
schooling his younger siblings.
As we seek to match assignments to interests, it’s important to find out, “What does
my child really want out of this and what is he or she capable of doing?” I often interview
my children and ask them about their home school experience. I want to understand their
preferences and aptitudes, and most importantly, find out what I can do to help each of
them have an enjoyable and effective education. I am sometimes surprised by their
answers! While I can't give in to every wish or pet peeve, I am able to make some
adjustments.
When my oldest daughter Mary was in fifth grade, she told me that she was ready
for much more independent study. Our conversation gave us both an extra boost of
confidence toward self-directed learning. She would consult with me on her writing and
research assignments, discuss what she was learning, and grade her own math. I helped
her with math sometimes, and she participated in family worship and some discussions,
but otherwise she was a self-motivated, independent student. She preferred not to take
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part in our read aloud times, because she is not an auditory learner and she felt she could
use her time better working by herself. I had a hard time letting go of her with this, but I
needed to respect her individuality. Even from her elementary years, she has been gifted
with words. Now finishing a journalism degree in college, she has the goal of becoming a
professional writer or a teacher in a home school program. She can do this kind of work
from home even after she gets married and has children. In her middle school and high
school years, she read mounds of great literature (classics and modern works), researched
her writing topics thoroughly, mastered typing and desk top publishing, honed her skills in
the mechanics of the English language, took e-mail correspondence courses in creative
writing, and attended a two week workshop for high school students at the World
Journalism Institute. In her senior year, she enrolled in a challenging on-line Advanced
Placement English class, founded a journalism club for home schooled students, and wrote
freelance articles for various newspapers and magazines. For all her effort, she scored
very high on the SAT, and landed several generous scholarships which pay her cash for
living expenses in addition to her academic expenses. While in college, she has worked
written extensively for the campus newspaper, coached other students at the University
Writing Center, tutored students through our local public school system, and interned at
the Orlando Sentinel and Daytona Beach News-Journal newspapers. I believe she has
great talent! Whatever vocation or further education she pursues, she will certainly be a
well-rounded young woman!
My daughter Julia is not really a paper and pencil person. Thad and I had to work
more closely with her to help her stay “on task” with the few subjects which required this
kind of format. I tried to leave ample time for her to pursue her favorite hands-on
educational activities, like collecting butterflies, playing the piano, playing outdoor sports,
gardening, cooking and trying to beat Dad at chess. Though she was not a book worm like
some of her sisters, she would often read and write about her hobbies, so I couldn’t really
complain! Julia played varsity basketball for four years and dual enrolled at the
community college during her last two years of high school. She has a heart for missions,
too. In her late teens, she discovered our church’s bookstore, and has been an avid reader
ever since. However, she is not planning to continue with college.
After three years of using Getty-Dubay Italic style handwriting workbooks, Rachel
decided to secretly teach herself “loopy” cursive. When she surprised me with a full page of
beautiful traditional cursive, I knew in my heart it was time to honor her preference and
release her from the work books. She had found her own style, and I wasn’t about to
squeeze her into my mold. (Oddly enough, she still chose to finish the work book!)
Beyond understanding a child's learning style, we must determine the right level of
academic difficulty for each subject. This will not necessarily correspond with their grade
level or age. We need to find a balance between pushing a child (often to satisfy our own
ego) and doing overkill on a concept or skill. A child may initially resist an unfamiliar skill,
even if it's at the right level. You must have faith that you will soon break through the
“outer crust” of difficulty to the point where it becomes easier with practice and they can
comfortably sustain their production level. If it is truly too hard, you may need to back up
to something easier or review foundational skills. On the other hand, your child may show
interest in a concept not typically presented until a later grade. Feel free to explain it in
simplified terms and work on it as long as she remains interested. Home schooling gives
us freedom to adjust the pace to the child.
If you are using age-integrated unit studies, remember to include different materials
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and activities at appropriate levels for each child. Some middle-level books and projects
can suit the whole family, but others will frustrate the young ones or bore the older ones.
Older children often resent the thought of working on the exact same assignment as a
younger sibling, so try to vary the difficulty level if they are working on the same topic.
As you consider your child’s needs, remember to accommodate any physical
challenges they might have. Vision and hearing tests are quite important. We thought one
of our daughters was being uncooperative in her work. Then, during a routine vision
screening at a curriculum fair, we found out that she is legally blind! A good pair of
eyeglasses, and later contacts, has made a world of difference. People are not always aware
when their vision or hearing is deteriorating, so regular checkups are imperative!
Provide Appropriate Curriculum and Resources
Our children will attain maximum productivity and independence only if they are
equipped with the appropriate learning tools for each task. As they mature, they will be
able to choose for themselves what they need to get a job done. Until then, we must do it
for them. And there is absolutely no shortage of options! The trick is to pick the right ones
for our students, and not just assume that what is popular or flashy or inexpensive is the
best choice. We should try to be aware of what is out there by reading home school
magazines, looking through catalogs and web sites, going to conventions and workshops,
and talking to friends. Then we evaluate our possible alternatives, pull together a
“package” for each child, and check to make sure we are adequately covering the basics and
some of the extras.
My three favorite companies for ordering curriculum are:
Timberdoodle www.Timberdoodle.com (360)426-0672

Timberdoodle, a small family company, does not have as wide a selection as
some other supplies because they very carefully screen what they carry. They
will let you know if there is a possibility you might find something objectionable
or less than helpful in any of their products. They stock a lot of hands-on fun
stuff, too. Their customer service is stellar, and the prices are discounted. They
even give away free books with each order. I have been buying from
Timberdoodle since 1990, and I have always been pleased!
Rainbow Resource www.RainbowResource.com

Terrific selection, low prices, great service, free shipping on orders over $150.
This is where I actually do the bulk of my ordering.
Christian Book Distributors www.ChristianBook.com (800)247-4784

Here is where you get the massive selection, which can be overwhelming! This is
about as close to “one stop home school shopping” as you can get. Just
remember – just because it’s there doesn’t mean it’s good or that you need it!
The resources our children need for learning can include books, tapes, videos,
computer software, kits, hands-on manipulatives, homemade teaching aids, charts,
posters, art supplies, and lots of paper. We need to choose materials which fit each child's
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basic learning style (such as visual, auditory, tactile, or kinesthetic), so we can cater to his
strengths. However, we shouldn’t limit ourselves to just one of these learning modes but
stretch him in his weaker areas too. Our educational menu should include the main course
(core curriculum), side dishes (supplementary materials), and dessert (fun stuff).
Don't assume that the curriculum you already have on hand will be suitable for each
of your children. I have often had to switch grade levels and even publishers to find the
product which is most effective for a particular child. It is usually worth the extra effort
and money because it takes the headache out of teaching. Plus, there are now more
options for the other children. Other times I am unable to find something which quite fills
the niche, so I design my own materials. For example, I took craft sticks (like tongue
depressors) and wrote the Spanish words for numbers 1-20. The children can lay them on
the table in order (a nice hands-on activity), say the words, and then flip them over to
check the numerals on the back.
If you use unit studies, a large portion of your reading materials can come from the
public library. Let your child help pick out the books which are most appealing to him on
the chosen topic. This lets you select materials at the right level, assures him that you value
his opinion (which further captivates his interest), and prepares him with research skills
needed for more independent study later on. Be sure to show your child how to do a search
for books using your library's computer system.
Plan and Assign the Lessons
Based on your child's style and capabilities, as well as the curriculum you have
chosen, you may be ready to write out specific goals and plans for them. Try to estimate
the time each assignment is going to take so that as you try to figure out how to fit each
task into your child's daily or weekly routine, you can determine whether your expectations
are realistic. At first, pare it down to what you know you can do without a strain; you can
always add other things in later.
After you have mapped out a reasonable routine, you can assign work. You have
authority as the teacher and home manager to give orders, so don't feel guilty about
making them follow through. While we should be flexible and sensitive, we still must be
firm. Our children need external discipline until they develop their own self-discipline. If
you stick to a fairly regular routine, the tasks become somewhat automatic. Have you tried
a routine, only to have it slide into oblivion after a few weeks? Don't give up! Try again! I
remember telling myself, “It looks hopeless, but the results I want are not going to happen
unless we take another shot at it!” We may only move forward inch by inch, but at least we
are headed in the right direction.
What about the child who always claims that he “didn't hear you” assign a job?
Make sure that he hears! Don't yell the instruction from another room and hope that it
bounces into his ears. Call him to your side. Speak to him face to face, with full eye
contact, and have him acknowledge you. When you give the instruction, ask the child to
repeat it back to you. If the task is complex, list the steps on paper and have him read them
in your presence. Beyond hearing with his ears, make sure that the child listens with his
heart and mind. If you have to keep nagging about it after you know he has heard and
understood the instruction, you could definitely have a serious character issue on your
hands! Even “forgetting” could be a sign of passive disobedience since we can all choose to
remember what is important to us!
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Academic planning runs the gamut from long-range goals to daily details. Let’s start
with the big picture. Do you know where you are headed over the next few years? This will
give you an idea of what you need to do this year. If you continually use grade level
textbooks from a single publisher, it’s easy enough to just buy the next book for each
subject. A look at the “Scope and Sequence” will tell you where you are headed. I have
always enjoyed unit studies, but I didn’t want to approach this haphazardly. To make sure
we covered all of the important themes in a logical order, I devised a five year plan with
about sixty different topics to cover history, science, geography, literature, health, etc. We
did history-based units sequentially, from Creation to Life in the Future, and the other
units were often related to the general time period, such as Desert Life after Ancient Egypt,
or Modern Europe after Renaissance & Reformation. We finished up this five year plan,
and while we shuffled, combined and even deleted units, I was quite pleased with the
results. We had fully intended to just keep repeating this unit study cycle, but we have
altered our course since then and are taking things year by year. Don’t be overwhelmed
with this concept if it’s not quite your style. You don’t have to do it this way, or even do
unit studies at all, but you should think through how you approach long-term planning.
When our oldest daughter started her high school years, long-term planning became
of utmost importance. We joined a private school enrollment option for home schooling
families, and the administrators helped us choose courses that would take our daughter to
her goals most effectively.
Next, let’s look at annual planning. A few months before the start of the new school
year, I look at the calendar and decide when we will take our breaks. Then I choose when
we will do each unit study. For subjects like math and language arts, I write goals (desired
results) and plans (how we will do it) for each child. I decide how this will be divided into
weekly and daily assignments and which curriculum we will use. I had this written down
for Mary’s fifth grade Writing:
GOAL: Learn the writing and editing process, from brainstorming to final draft.
PLAN: Read the entire Writer's Express handbook at the rate of 3-4 pages per
day. Work on some phase of a short report, essay, or story every day. Write about
our unit study or choose topics from the “Idea List” in your notebook. Use the
encyclopedia, dictionary, and thesaurus as appropriate. Meet with Mom 2-3 times
per week to discuss your work.
In reality, after a few months I noticed that she wasn’t reading Writer’s Express
anymore. When I asked her why, she replied that it was so good that she had already
finished it! I find that I often have to change our goals in the middle of the year, setting
new challenges for the child who has surpassed expectations, and readjusting the workload
for the one who is still struggling. Christmas break is a great time to make these
evaluations.
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Now, let’s think about monthly and weekly planning. If you are using formal
curriculum, you will need to read the teacher’s manual to prepare for upcoming projects,
and check your child’s work to be sure he is on target to finish the book on time. When I
would prepare for an individual three or four week unit, I wrote lists of age-appropriate
objectives, research topics, and ways to integrate each school subject. This helped me to
brainstorm for ideas, map out a variety of activities, and determine what supplies and
library books I would need. After I brought home the library books, I chose which ones to
read aloud and which ones to assign for each child’s independent research. As we
proceeded through the unit, I could refer to my plans and keep us on track. Here are some
sample objectives for a unit study on Music:
♥ Read about several composers and listen to their music.
♥ Hear the different styles throughout history and around the world.
♥ Be familiar with different musical instruments: how they sound, what they look
like, how they work (the science of sound), how they are made.
♥ Recognize musical symbols and start to read music.
♥ Play easy tunes on the piano.
♥ Make simple musical instruments.
♥ Find out what the Bible says about music.
Lastly, let’s talk about daily planning. I want my children to have a strong grasp of
their school routine, so we use a weekly grid lesson plan / record book. Then they can say,
“I've done my math and grammar, but I still need to read this book, work on Spanish, and
edit my new story on the computer.” If they do this consistently from week to week, they
will make progress and I can be satisfied. But if they slip behind (this does happen!) or we
are working on something unusual, I write out a short list of specific items to keep them on
track. I also give them on-the-spot assignments such as:
♥ “Read this story to me and I'll help you with the hard words.”
♥ “Here is your spelling list for the week. Copy all the words, circle the adjectives,
and let me know when you are ready for a test.”
♥ “Can you build a dodecagon (12 sides) with Cuisenaire pattern blocks?”
♥ “Tell me what you learned about Cincinnatus in The Famous Men of Rome.”
♥ “Dad just stacked bricks by the garage. Calculate how many there are using the
formula for volume.”
♥ “Let’s do a bar graph showing the different kinds of canned food in our pantry
closet.”
♥ “Do one page in your Italic Handwriting book.”
♥ “Get the origami paper and the library book so we can make a duck.”
♥ “It's time to write thank you notes for your birthday presents!”
♥ “Count how many bagels we have and tell me if there are enough for lunch.”
♥ “Gently put the egg in the cup of vinegar. We'll check what happens to it over the
next few days.”
If you are pressed for time, you don't have to make your child do every problem on a
page. If the math book has two rows of similar problems, consider assigning only the first
row. For each incorrect answer, assign a make-up problem from the second row.
As children get older, they can take initiative for independently completing and
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recording assignments. In order for this to work, you may need to streamline the number
of subjects studied during a semester. Overloading with electives can lead to confusion, so
choose what is important for your family and don't feel guilty about bypassing all the nifty
things that other families do. Better to do a few things well than do many of them poorly!
This will also give them the freedom to choose some of their own topics for independent
“delight directed” research.
Set Up a Daily School Schedule
What about a daily schedule? Home school families vary widely on their approaches
to a daily school schedule, depending on the style of curriculum and the personalities, ages,
and body clocks of family members. Find out what works for you! Feel free to change your
schedule as needed. However, don't use your freedom in home schooling to let things
slide. Even though many of us are loath to copy an institutional classroom, we still need to
stay focused and cover the material in an orderly fashion. To do less is to cheat our
children out of a quality education.
Set fairly consistent starting and ending times for school, as well as a general
sequence of events. You don't need to be enslaved to the minute, but your children should
know what to expect. It doesn't hurt to post a daily schedule in a conspicuous spot. Each
family needs to assess their own situation, but here is an example of the flexible framework
we have used in the past to keep us on track.
7:00 - 9:00 Breakfast, meal clean up, personal hygiene, etc.

9:00 - 10:00 Group Bible lesson, unit study read aloud, and discussion.
10:00 - 12:00 Math and language arts, with individual tutoring.
12:00 - 1:00 Lunch, clean up, and maybe a few minutes of free time.
1:00 - 3:00 Independent research, projects, crafts, undone academics, etc.
3:00 - 4:30 Free time and outdoor play
4:30 - 5:30 Tidy house
5:30 - 6:30 Dinner preparation and last-minute clean up.
6:30 - 8:30 Dinner, clean up, family time, bedtime routines for little ones
For kindergarten, an hour of “sit down” time can be more than sufficient. Older
elementary children may require three or four hours of concentrated study. Let them
spend the rest of the day helping around the house, reading for pleasure, and doing
creative projects.
Organize Your School Room
The best curriculum won’t do you any good if you can’t find it or you are constantly
tripping over it or spilling things on it. So we need to keep things organized! Proper care
of school materials is good practice in stewardship and can cut down on irritation from lost
or broken items. For example, children should learn to treat books gently, conserve paper,
turn off the computer, rewind videos, and put away the scissors.
It is also important to locate your learning areas for maximum effectiveness. Over
the years, our main learning area (school room) has been in three different spots of the
house. First, we used what most people would consider the dining room adjacent to our
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living room. We outgrew this after a year, and now it is our computer room. Then we
moved into a “spare” bedroom, but now that houses two children. For the past several
years, our learning area and our true dining room have shared quarters. Situated in the
middle of the house, it is a large room with a huge conference table, chairs, and several full
bookcases. For a short while, I had my own desk in there, but unfortunately, everyone piled
their junk on this convenient flat space. It was a constant mess, so I couldn’t work there
anyway. I finally decided it would be much more space efficient to have extra bookcases.
We were actually able to save a lot of money on all of the furniture in this room. Most of it
was given to us or bought used. We have also been creative with what we have. It’s
amazing what we’ve been able to cram into this room!
Here are several things you can do to set up and maintain effective and organized
learning areas in your home.
Think about where the best places for learning. You may not have much of a
choice, but you can always think “outside the box” and set up learning areas around your
home. For example, maybe you can put bookshelves in the living room near the cozy
couches for reading. You can keep your arts and crafts supplies near the kitchen table or
out on the back porch, wherever you do messy projects. You can tuck a bin of one child’s
text books and workbooks in a cabinet, or on the child’s desk in his bedroom.
Organize your books logically. For example, one shelf could hold your own
books about home schooling and parenting. You can put basic reference books and
handbooks (dictionary, thesaurus, encyclopedias, atlases, nature guides) on another shelf.
On yet another shelf you could arrange non-fiction works by basic topic (geography, earth
science, plants & animals, health, American history, technology, biographies, etc.).
Another shelf could hold paperback fiction. Each child could also have their own bookcase
in their bedroom to hold personal favorites. We have about 2000 books in our home, and
it does take some shuffling and juggling to keep them organized, but the time is well spent
if it makes them more accessible to the children and keeps them off the floor. I confess
that books still pile up in various spots around the house, but at least I know that kids are
reading them!
Keep small bins in your school area for supplies and little stray items.
We have separate bins for regular pencils & pens, colored pencils, crayons, scissors & tape,
stencils, painting supplies, math manipulatives, flash cards, game pieces, and little stray
items. In this last bin we throw all of the little assorted items (such as game and puzzle
pieces that have gotten separated from their sets) which accumulate in the nooks and
crannies. I try to put them away every couple of weeks. Why don’t I just put things away
in their correct homes as soon as I’m done with them, or as soon as I find them out of
place? The children and I do try to put most of our stuff away quickly, but to be honest, I
just don’t have time to run around the house all day keeping every little thing in its perfect
place. It’s more efficient to throw them in the bin and do a whole batch later.
Use larger bins to store each child's books and supplies. We put in their
notebooks, texts, workbooks, current reading books, and school supplies. They can move
their bins from room to room as they work. There is always a place to put their stuff!
Don’t hesitate to get school room equipment and supplies to make your
job easier. These are useful to me: an electric pencil sharpener, a heavy duty 3-hole
punch, a sturdy stapler, lots and lots of see-through plastic boxes, and a CD player. We
also get a lot of use out of our all-in-one printer/fax/copier. We often use 2” clear plastic
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tape to reinforce the edges of maps and posters, as well as repair books and puzzle boxes.
Use plastic zip-style bags to store sets of loose flash cards. Label the bag
with a description of the card set (i.e. Addition 1-20). Store several sets, labeled edge up, in
flip-top plastic box, and you can easily find the needed ones at a glance.
Purchase a whole case of copier paper to use for drawing and printing.
Just don’t put it all out in one spot. Take out a stack, and then hide the rest. Other school
supplies can also be bought in bulk to save money and time.
Store back issues of magazines in binders with plastic inserts or in
magazine boxes. I know that some people say you should never save magazines, but I
think the home schooling ones are worth keeping around for a while!
Keep Track of Your School Papers
Do you feel overwhelmed with record keeping? Try to view lesson planning as an
exciting sneak preview into your adventure in learning. Chronicling your progress through
daily record keeping can give you a delicious sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.
Staying on top of your paper trail makes you more organized, effective, and credible. Write
down your accomplishments promptly, at least the same day, or the details may prance
right out of your brain. I say this from experience! You can see at a glance what you still
need to cover. Though you can't always expect to do everything on the list, it gives a sense
of accountability and helps you to accomplish more.
If you have a computer, it is easy to customize your own forms to meet

the needs of each child. On your lesson plans, include spaces to write specific goals for
each school subject (reading assignments, worksheet pages, projects, research topics, etc.)
If you want to combine this with a record sheet, have your children check off the
assignments as they are completed, and write in extra daily accomplishments. I publish
the Learner’s Journal Lesson Planner and Resource Log. Check my web site at
www.VirginiaKnowles.com for more information.)
Set up a three-ring binder for yourself as a working notebook. Include
current lesson plans, lists of library books checked out, year-long schedule (unit topics,
holidays, vacations), notes on upcoming unit studies, purchase lists, blank forms, and
recent support group newsletters. Another binder can hold reference materials and
teaching suggestions in various subjects, motivation and inspiration, and future school
plans and curriculum considerations.
Give each child one or more school notebooks and other paper-
organizing tools. These will contain lesson plans, record sheets, written work, reference
charts, worksheets to be completed, drawing paper, etc. Use dividers to split up the
subjects (if you are using one notebook) or subjects within subjects (such as Grammar,
Writing, Spelling, and Literature for English class). Slender workbooks can be included in
this notebook using magazine inserts. Young children can use three-prong folders. Give
them magazine boxes to hold personal papers and coloring books. Save the best samples of
art work in a large envelope or file folder. As the notebooks fill up, throw away
unnecessary papers and transfer the rest into a portfolio notebook to be saved for official
year-end review. We usually do this in January to start fresh for the new semester.
Set aside a section of a file drawer or file box for school related items.
Curriculum receipts, official documents, news clippings, support group information, visual
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aids, and others can each have their own folders. I don’t personally like the looks of file
cabinets in public areas, so I bought a few large plastic file boxes at an office supply store,
and put them under our computer desk. This conserves space and looks a lot better.
If you do unit studies, plan a list of topics ahead of time. Then you can
collect relevant magazine articles, booklets, maps, and reproducible worksheets. Drop
them into labeled folders or accordion file pockets along with teaching ideas or outlines.
Clearly Demonstrate Each Educational Skill
Here is the instruction part of training. The point of teaching is to give our children
the skills and confidence to tackle their school work with increasing independence. We
must show them how something is done, instead of expecting them to know it instinctively.
A task may seem simple to you, yet still be totally foreign to your child. It often takes much
repetition and practice to make it really click, so don't get discouraged if you have to go
over the same thing several times. At various teaching levels, you may need to do it while
the child watches, do it with the child, coach while the child does it, or give feedback after
the child does it.
Many home school parents fall into the habit of testing before teaching. If you hand
a child the book and expect him to figure out an unfamiliar assignment alone, don't be
surprised if he gives up in frustration. You don't have to present a full lesson from a
teacher's manual for each subject every day, but you should be prepared to teach new
concepts when the child reaches them.
Our children generally get overwhelmed when first working on an unfamiliar math
concept. The first section of the lesson may start with tears and moans of, “I can't do this!
It's just too hard!” I sit next to the child and show the procedure several times with some
of the problems on the page. At times, I demonstrate with math manipulatives. Then I
coach the child through the next several problems, pointing out any errors and giving hints
for appropriate strategies. Generally, he or she can complete the rest of the page smoothly
and is usually smiling and confident by the end. I point out that the child can now do
something that he or she couldn't do before. The child has learned a new skill and
developed the capacity to think through a problem, so the struggle was worth it.
How can you compensate for concepts and skills not adequately covered in a basic
curriculum? This is a prime time to exercise your creativity in the teaching process! Keep
trying until your child understands the concepts and is proficient in the mechanics. Here
are a few examples:
♥ Use manipulative materials (Cuisenaire snap cubes, dry beans, craft sticks, etc.)
to demonstrate math concepts.
♥ Draw a quick diagram to explain a scientific principle.
♥ Make up a rhyme to teach a list of facts.
♥ Set a Bible verse to a catchy tune.
♥ Write easy words on index cards to reinforce a phonics lesson.
There are options available to those who feel unqualified to teach certain subjects:
♥ Learn ahead of your children from books and workshops.

♥ Use independent study books, audio cassettes, videos or CD-ROM.
♥ Ask Dad to teach.
♥ Arrange for private tutoring or group classes.
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Use Academics and Your Example to Develop Practical Life Skills
Education is not just about stuffing information into the brain. We need to know
what to do with it, how to apply it in daily life. No matter what careers our children choose
and no matter how technology changes, they will need some basic life skills. Occupations
may come and go, but in my opinion there are certain work skills that will never become
totally obsolete. They are applicable for both men and women in almost any life pursuit.
We must teach them to our children, largely by our own example, but also by specific
instruction. The following topics are not just academic skills. They reflect heart attitudes
and priorities. Let’s train them well, in the context of a Biblically-discerned home life!
Life Management: how to manage time, set goals, evaluate options, make
decisions, plan details, read with discernment, organize resources and space, maintain and
repair commonly used items, optimize health, etc.
Finances: how to earn money, budget, manage a checking or savings account,
make wise purchases, avoid scams, stay out of debt, stretch and conserve resources,
interpret financial and economic data, make wise investments, do personal and/or
business bookkeeping, and most importantly, maintain contentment in a materialistic
society.
Communication and Leadership: how to converse pleasantly and effectively,
use proper body language, write clear correspondence and reports, give oral presentations
with visual aids, debate logically and persuasively, offer direction to colleagues and
subordinates, and appeal to those in authority.
Add a Little Adventure
OK, OK, so life isn't just a matter of fun and games, but a spoonful of sugar sure can
help the medicine go down. We can help our children actually enjoy the process of doing
their work rather than just tolerating it. In the process, they will learn their own lifetime
techniques for making tasks interesting.
Children are naturally inquisitive. This creates big demands as Mom and Dad are
barraged with “how” and “why” questions at inopportune moments. Within reason, we
should not squelch curiosity, but catapult it into self-motivated learning situations. Here
are some ways to enliven academic pursuits:
Hobbies: Hobbies can provide beautiful balance to a home education program.
They offer brain-enriching opportunities to plan projects, select materials, follow
patterns and instructions, develop skills, care for equipment and supplies, make useful
items, and nurture creativity. You could spend tons of money on this (“I want a pony!”)
but many activities are free or cheap.
Imagination: Encourage your children to use their imaginations to ask “what

if?” Let them pretend to be the first astronaut to land on Pluto, a child on the
Mayflower, or the discoverer of a peculiar new plant in the Amazon. Stock a dress-up
box with a variety of costume components.
Interests: Plan some of their school lessons around their own interests. At the
beginning of one school year, I let each of my children choose one independent unit
study topic to do for three weeks. Rachel chose dogs because she was passionate about
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them, even though we haven’t ever had one. She became a virtual “walking
encyclopedia” about various breeds. She knew how big they are and the countries from
which they originated. She constantly checked out library books about dogs, including
titles on how to draw them. Her walls were covered with her sketches, original stories
and collages of magazine pictures. One Christmas, she received two dog calendars, a
dog watch, and several stuffed dogs. I also gave her a small plastic set with several
breeds, which she identified using our encyclopedia, and then arranged in alphabetical
order. For her birthday, I found the Dogs and Puppies Complete Identifier guide
book featuring more than 170 breeds in full color photographs. As you can see, from
this one interest, she learned reference skills, geography, math, literature, art, creative
writing and alphabetization -- and she didn’t even know she was doing school work!
She has since gone on to other interests, like music and web design.
Literature: Include adventure stories in their literature selections, especially as
they relate to a unit study. When we studied Australia, we read the first three books of
Robert Elmer’s Adventures Down Under series, set in the 1800s.
Seasons and themes: Plan art projects, literature, field trips, music, and
cooking to enhance holidays, seasons and unit studies. For example, at Christmastime
you can plan an Advent Adventure unit by singing carols, baking cookies, making
presents, and reading favorite Christmas poems and stories.
Bookmaking and displays: Let your children make an illustrated book or
display to creatively summarize what they have learned about a topic. We often use
three panel folding display boards for tabletop projects.
Creativity box: Fill an odds-and-ends box with spools, straws, craft sticks,
cord, clothes pins, and other items for children to make things of their own. Collect old
small appliances for your young tinkerers to dismantle.
Nature study: Go on nature walks and collect specimens to identify and
observe. Are there any nature trails in your county?
Field trips: Visit local sites such as a bakery, fire station, museum, etc. If you
will be visiting a location often enough, such as a science museum or botanical gardens,
consider getting an annual pass.
Science experiments: Check out books from your library to find activities
which are educational, entertaining, and fairly uncomplicated. Keep basic science
exploration supplies on hand, such as magnifying glasses, magnets, and test tubes.
Gardening: Let them plant a garden. If you are a novice or have a black
thumb, try buying mature plants instead of growing from seed. This is also a time to
build relationships with neighbors; if you see someone working outside and they have a
great garden, ask for advice! People are usually thrilled to share their expertise.
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Pets: Get a class pet. I suppose this could be anything from a caterpillar in a jar
to a herd of dairy goats. Think through this decision carefully. With most pets, your
commitment runs at least a few years. If your pet is unfriendly, your child may resent
caring for it. If you choose a nocturnal animal such as a hamster, it might make noise
at night and sleep through the day!
Games, puzzles and crafts: Try strategy and word games such as chess,
Pente, Rummikub, Boggle, Scrabble, Twenty Questions, Concentration, etc. Let your
child keep score to sharpen math skills, especially in Scrabble, where there is doubling
and tripling. Find related games, puzzles, and crafts to supplement regular lessons.
Teacher’s manuals and web sites sometimes include ideas for these, but you and your
children can make up some of your own.
Group festivities: Participate in your support group’s science fair, history day,
international festival, fine arts show, or other opportunities. If they don’t already offer
these activities, why not volunteer to do it this year?
Develop a Sense of Teamwork
“If your children don't go to public school, how can they ever develop team work?”
So goes one common objection to home schooling. It's true that our children need to learn
how to work cooperatively with those of differing abilities and opinions; this is, after all,
how the body of Christ functions! However, if you have more than one child, this should
not be a problem. For many families, co-op classes, sports teams, 4-H or hobby clubs, and
youth choirs are also appropriate in the overall educational program.
Since we often learn best by “passing it on,” let your children teach each other.
Encourage them to share tidbits from independent study. Allow older children, under
your supervision, to tutor younger siblings. Give them lists of suitable activities (“20
Things to Do with Cuisenaire Snap Cubes”) or let them dream up their own. They can use
dramatic voices and sound effects while reading aloud books or making up stories.
Plan family learning situations where each can participate at their own level:
experiments, skits, games, foreign language, etc. Let them come up with many of the ideas
and work them out by themselves. Our children used to like to plan surprise concerts for
us; they chose the songs and practiced them in secret, complete with their own hand
motions. Home schooled kids sure are creative!
Multi-grade unit studies can include the whole family. All of your children study the
same basic topic, such as “The Ocean” or “Pioneer Times.” Plan group reading and
activities, as well as individual assignments for each child. Each one can then teach the
rest of the family what they have learned, perhaps through a brief oral presentation, a
homemade book, or a poster.
Not all learning will be cooperative. Too much “togetherness” can lead to chaos and
spoil the fun. I believe there should be daily sessions for individual grade level math,
phonics, etc., when each child receives one-on-one attention from the teaching parent.
They should be encouraged to work very quietly or split up into different rooms so as not to
distract each other.
Allow your children to team up with other home schooled friends for science fair
projects or other cooperative pursuits. This gives them practice in coordinating work with
someone outside of the family and lets them pool their materials and unique skills. It
significantly adds to the fun factor too! Arrange for them to spend a few afternoons
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together for collaborating. Some mothers consult with each other about curriculum plans
so their children can be studying the same books at the same time.
Several families in a support group could set up a weekly, monthly, or seasonal co-
op day. The children can enjoy a variety of activities which we don't have the background
or energy to prepare, while also interacting with other home schooled children. A few
families could gather in a home, or you can have a formal program at a church building,
with fees, professional teachers, and several elective options for various ages. Classes can
be based on a unit study, crafts, music, science demonstrations, sign language, writer's
forum, Drama Guild, gymnastics, or whatever your creative minds can concoct. Each mom
has a job: host the group, coordinate details, teach lessons, bring snacks, supervise
preschoolers, etc. Just be sure that your co-op involvement does not gouge too deeply into
your private home school instruction time.
Evaluate Success
Like they say, it's not what you expect but what you inspect. If you don't demand
consistency and thoroughness on their tasks, they won't take you seriously. Children are
not naturally motivated to work when they would rather play. If they can convince you that
they are incapable, they are halfway to their goal! Make sure that the child carefully
follows your instructions unless you give him creative license to do the job as he sees fit.
Did she do a quality job or was she sloppy? Did he balk and drag his feet? Has she been
“faithful with the little things”? If the child can't quite work up to standards, then you must
evaluate the need for an easier task, more on-the-job training, or a serious attitude
adjustment!
Evaluation is not just a matter of a few dispassionate facts on paper. Something
much more precious and sensitive is at stake here! Home school moms ask themselves,
“Are we really doing the right thing? Am I a success or a failure at this project of home
schooling? What kind of teacher am I? What kind of mother am I? Are the children up to
grade level? Should I be pushing them more, backing off, switching to something else, or
what?”
Evaluation of home schooling is for both official purposes and your own
information. In our state, standardized testing is not mandatory, and we did not feel a
particular need for this until our oldest was in middle school. Now our children (third
grade and up) usually take the tests offered by our church’s home school program. The
objective information which a test gives can be very helpful if properly interpreted,
especially in the older grades. You can prepare your child in the few weeks prior to a test
by coaching them on specific test-taking strategies, as well as tutoring them on the skills
and content areas which will be measured. However, in my opinion, we shouldn’t try to
“teach to the test” all year to the detriment of a rich learning experience. That defeats the
purpose of education! In years past, we hired a certified teacher and his wife (a home
school mom) to evaluate our children, inspect their portfolios, and send a report to the
county. They gave us very valuable suggestions and pointed out gaps they saw in our
program. This informal interactive setting is especially effective for younger children.
What about evaluation for your own information? Most curriculum packages have
tests and answer keys, but what about the less-structured curriculums, especially those you
have designed by yourself? You still need to know whether you are covering the material
adequately and making progress. Part of this is just going to be your general “feel” for the
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situation. Go back to your original written learning objectives for this school subject or
topic. Check whether you either accomplished what you intended or made an equivalent
substitution. If not, were the expectations too high? Look for an improvement in skills.
Review written samples from a few months ago and note the progress your child has made.
If you are proceeding at the right level and in a reasonable manner, he should now be able
to do some things which he couldn't do before. Other things he struggled with should be
somewhat easier now. If you aren't making any progress, you may need to back up to an
easier level or drop it for now.
In “content” subjects like literature, history, or science, look for an expansion of
your child's understanding. If you must leave a paper trail, don't lean too heavily on work
sheets and book reports. Just keep an accurate reading list and jot down a summary of
discussions or demonstrations. For your own information, you can talk informally with
your student to see if he is more familiar with the topic than when you began teaching it.
Check for a grasp of basic concepts and ideas more than minute details. Their brains
should be organizing the information into “learning hooks” which they can use to make
more sense of related data in the future. As children mature in their thinking skills and
their understanding of a topic, they should be able to synthesize (look at the “big picture”),
analyze (examine the small details), and compare/contrast (see similarities and
differences). They should be able to carry on an interesting conversation about the subject
and verbally summarize back to you what they have learned (this technique is also called
“narration” by Charlotte Mason fans). Your children may wish to try explaining a concept
to a younger sibling or present an oral report for the family.
Skill subjects such as math, spelling, handwriting, grammar, and phonics, require
quick feedback before errors get ingrained, so grade papers promptly or work orally. If a
child continues to make the same mistakes, look for the reasons so you can go back and
reteach the concepts. Continue to review the skills periodically until they are cemented in
place.
When you find a mistake, you must choose whether to just mark it or make your
child go back and do it over. There is a fine line between pickiness and a reasonable
insistence on accuracy and neatness. Certain skills, such as math and phonics, require
stricter attention to detail than more subjective pursuits. Public speeches, formal papers,
and final tests should be taken more seriously than private discussions, rough drafts, and
pop quizzes.
Giving feedback to your child takes ultimate wisdom! You need to be tactful, but
you shouldn't let them pout every time you point out a problem. Something is wrong if you
consistently have to coax your child out of a pity party. If there doesn't appear to be any
obvious problem with the curriculum, the child may need to get a grip on his emotions and
learn persistence and fortitude. Stand firm and hold your ground, because you are
preparing your child for life in an unsympathetic and competitive world. Success comes to
those who “go for it”: the people who overcome the obstacles, accept constructive criticism,
and discipline themselves to plow on through until the job is done.
If you are banging up against an academic brick wall, talk with your child! Do this
at a time when he is rested, relaxed, and able to carry on a reasonable conversation. Don't
put the pressure on or accuse him of failure. Instead, ask for his help in understanding
what the problem is from his perspective. Maybe he has not understood your expectations
or the concepts have not been clearly explained. Maybe he has absolutely no interest in the
topic and is resisting your attempts to teach it. You might have to come to some sort of
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compromise on the “negotiable” elements of your program, while being firm on the
essentials. Your child's level of motivation has much to do with his success. When you
honestly listen to your child's opinions, you are doing yourself a big favor.
Encourage an Attitude of Excellence
The heart of the matter is that our children can do just about anything they set out
to do. It's not just a question of ability, but of self-motivation. You waste your time when
you have to nag, and they may earnestly hope this will discourage you from even trying! It
sometimes seems like an uphill battle to teach our children to take initiative and
responsibility in caring for self, possessions, home, and education. However, it is vital to
our ultimate success in home schooling, since future employers want enthusiastic, diligent,
and responsible workers. The attitudes our children learn working in our kitchens,
backyards, and school rooms will carry over into whatever careers they enter. We also
know that God wants us to train our children to have enthusiastic servant hearts in all they
do, and to gain the intrinsic satisfaction of doing a good job. They will learn perseverance
as they stick with difficult and unpleasant tasks. None of this is natural; it takes diligent
training and enthusiastic example from the parents.
Is your child paralyzed by fear of failure? Assure him that you selected the
assignment just for him, and that you will provide whatever resources, instruction and
moral support that he needs to truly succeed at it. This builds the healthy confidence that
comes from a nurturing relationship between parent and child, and it reflects the care that
our Heavenly Father has for all of us. Once you have shepherded your child to a measure
of mastery, he can take pleasure in his accomplishment and feel more comfortable about
doing it independently.
Children sometimes have a hard time seeing the “big picture.” They need to see how
their success in school relates to careers, homemaking, ministry, and personal life. If your
child questions the relevance of a topic or skill, do a little research project on how it is
necessary for success in “real life.” For example, math calculations must be accurate so
that buildings don't fall on our heads, we pay the right amount at the store, our recipes are
edible, and we don't run out of gas or get lost on vacation. We delve into history because it
chronicles God's intervention in the affairs of men and teaches principles of leadership.
We learn language arts to acquire information and to communicate our thoughts and ideas
effectively. We explore science because it reveals God's creative hand and opens up new
doors of technology and discovery.
Children need to realize that learning makes a difference and that it is exciting.
Encourage them to use their God-given powers of imagination and creativity to embark on
the grand adventure of discovery. When they are nurtured with a love of learning rather
than mere duty, then that is the most powerful motivation toward excellence!
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Many home school parents don't feel that traditional letter grades are effective
incentives, but we still need to affirm our children for good work. A smile face at the top of
a workbook page can bring a smile to a child's face. An attractive new book could
encourage a child who has recently learned to read. A child who has completed a chapter
of math might appreciate a session with fun math software. Be creative with your rewards.
They may not be the “main thing,” but they are frosting on the cake!
What is the ultimate motivation toward responsibility and excellence? The pleasure
of God!
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for
the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an
inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you
are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24
~*~*~
How are you doing on these essentials? Don’t get overwhelmed by everything at
once. Pick a few things (or maybe even just one) to work on at a time. Ask a friend for
advice or help, if necessary. Talk to your children and husband, too! And most of all, pray
to the Lord for wisdom. He wants your children to have an excellent education even more
than you do!
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Part 2:
Daily Life & Logistics
Chapters:
Life Management 101
Busy at Home
Little People in the Home School
Now we’re hitting some of the nitty gritty stuff! This is not so much
academic, but daily life when your school campus is also your house.
What do you do with clutter, laundry, meals, and most of all the
active toddlers? Let’s find out! But first, a little old time household
humor to start this section right!
Doing the Wash: Grandmother’s “Receet”

(Author Unknown)
Laundering instructions from a time when the only “appliance” was a scrub board!
1. Bild fire in back yard to heet kettle of rain water.
2. Set tubs so smoke won’t blow in eyes if wind is pert.
3. Shave one hole cake lie soap in billin water.
4. Sort things, make three piles. 1 pile white, 1 pile cullord, 1 pile work britches and rags.
5. Stur flour in cold water to smooth then thin down with billin water.
6. Rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, then bile. Rub cullord but don’t bile -- just rench and
starch.
7. Take white things out of kettle with broom stick handle then rench, blew and starch.
8. Spred tee towles on grass.
9. Hang old rags on fence.
10. Pore rench water in flower bed.
11. Scrub porch with hot soapy water.
12. Turn tubs upside down.
13. Got put on cleen dress, smooth hair with side combs, brew cup of tee. Set and rest a spell
and count your blessins.
There now, don’t you feel better already? Here we go with Daily Life & Logistics!
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LIFE MANAGEMENT 101

Drop Thy still dews of quietness
till all our strivings cease;
take from our lives the strain and stress
and let our ordered lives confess
the beauty of Thy peace.
John Greenleaf Whittier (from the hymn “Dear God and Father of Mankind”)
Let Our Ordered Lives Confess the Beauty of Thy Peace...?
What home school mom hasn't wished for the “dew of quietness,” ceased strivings, a
little less stress, and an ordered life! Daily life can place overwhelming demands on you.
You are the family teacher, doctor, police woman, lawyer, judge, psychologist, manager,
interior designer, seamstress, chauffeur, maid, chef and playmate all rolled into one. So
what in the world is Whittier talking about? It seems that an ordered life is just an elusive
fantasy or that we have to be born orderly. Many moms claim they aren't “the organized
type.” By birth and rearing, I fall into the “messy” group, so I was in for a shock when I
married Mr. Meticulous, had children, and started home schooling. For a while I used the
excuse that getting organized would diminish my creativity and spontaneity, but that soon
wore thin. I had to do something!
Home school moms cherish flexibility and autonomy, but some of us overdo it to the
point of rejecting any structure. We try to wing it, making up our lives and school from
scratch as we go along. We end up feeling frazzled, exhausted, unproductive, unfulfilled --
and guilty. We start to wonder if we really need a system after all, and relish the new idea
of taking control of our lives with a schedule, routine, budget, and lesson plan. We realize
that we don't have to be victims of circumstance anymore.
When I take the extra effort at putting my life in order, I realize that this gives me
peace from the storm. Life makes sense when I follow a plan, and an added bonus is that I
now have more liberty to focus my newfound spare time and energy on creative pursuits.
My brain is less cluttered by loose ends. Order and organization allow us to live “on
purpose,” to see our dreams and goals come to fulfillment. We can make a plan and make
it happen. To be honest, there are months and even years when I am better at this than
other times. My success ebbs and flows with how much of a priority I make it, as well as
what’s going on in the family, such as a new baby. If I’ve let it slide for a while, it’s hard to
get going again. Just a word to the wise!
Let me clarify what I mean by order. I am not talking about a regimented minute-
by-minute schedule, a white-glove-clean house, robot children, strictly structured
classroom-style school, or lesson plans written on stone tablets. Life with children is
unpredictable, so we must be flexible. There will be down days when we only accomplish
the bare basics. Even on good days, we all need room to live and breathe. If we set
ourselves up with unrealistic expectations, we will be bitterly disappointed. There is plenty
of room for different personality styles and comfort levels. Some people can't function well
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with any amount of disorder; others are comfortable with a relaxed loose-ends lifestyle.
For all practical purposes, my working definition of an ordered life is:
♥ I will have specific goals and plans in various areas of life. I will accomplish the
most important ones, plus some of the optional ones. I will not go off on tangents.
♥ I will not create extra work through neglect of details. An ounce of prevention is
worth of pound of cure.
♥ In my schedule and home atmosphere, I will enable my husband to be both
productive and relaxed. When he gets home, I will have sufficient emotional
reserves to cheerfully attend to his needs.
♥ My children will know what to expect in the general sequence of the day. They will
gain productive habits and self-discipline to launch them into future careers and
family life. I will be able to give instructions, knowing they will obey without undue
fussing or delay. They will be successful in school work because I will tailor it to
their needs and make sure they do it.
♥ I will be able to confidently invite people into my home. Since I will prepare ahead,
I won't be so frazzled with the details that I can't pay attention to my guests. This
will make them feel comfortable and welcome.
♥ I will be able to find what I am looking for quickly without disrupting the household.
I will also recall information from the “memory banks” of my brain without getting
overly confused.
♥ When I am sick or otherwise prevented from actively pursuing order, my system will
not automatically fall apart. It will have sufficient momentum to function for a
while without me.
These are definitions to which we can all aspire! We can personalize these basic
facets of order to our own family situations and know that we are taking positive steps in
the right direction toward success.
I believe that this reasonable level of order is the prerequisite to true productive
creativity. A world-class composer must have a handle on the “laws” of music theory
before writing a symphony. The orchestra members must have the self-discipline to
practice their instruments, read the music as it is written, and follow the conductor's cues,
or the symphony will be a cacophony instead! Our Creator is “the God of order, not
chaos” (1 Corinthians 14:33). He designed a gloriously exquisite universe, quite
systematically, day by day. He is the same God who gave intricate instructions to the
creative craftsmen who fashioned the tabernacle, and he is the same God who can put your
life back in order if you will follow his directions!
The order in our lives starts from the center; for Christians, this focus is that “Jesus
is Lord.” Everything else in our lives must flow from that, or nothing will make sense. But
beyond that universal focus, God has a specific plan for each of us. Our job is to discern
our individual mission in life and report for duty. Our approach to this will profoundly
influence how we manage our daily lives.
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Motherhood Management
Let's think about two different moms at exaggerated ends of the spectrum.
Mom #1 rolls wearily out of bed when the preschooler starts whining for breakfast.
The two older children stumble out of their rooms, poking each other, and meet with a
sharp reprimand from Mom. After eating, the children wander off and Mom is left alone to
clear up the debris. The baby starts to whimper and Mom discovers a blow-out diaper
oozing onto the high chair. She sets the jelly jar back on the table and carries the baby
upstairs to the nursery. As soon as she gets the messy diaper off, she hears a crash
downstairs. It is the jelly jar, now shattered and splattered on the kitchen floor. After she
mops, Mom trudges back upstairs to nurse the baby. The other children scamper outside
to play, barefoot and in their pajamas. When Mom yells for them to come in, they track
mud all over the fresh-mopped floor.
During morning school time, Mom #1's third grade son repeats the same math
mistakes from yesterday, because she didn't grade his paper. They can't do the science
experiment listed in their text book because they didn't buy the supplies. While Mom
hunts for flash cards for the first grader's phonics lesson, the bored preschooler throws
blocks at the baby. By now it's lunch time and Mom must try to make peanut butter
sandwiches while clutching a howling baby.
The bedraggled family has just finished eating when the phone suddenly rings. It is
a home school friend, inviting them all over to play that afternoon. Escape! After a frantic
scramble to find matching shoes, they jump in the van and fight over the front seat. During
their visit, Mom and her friend spend the time commiserating over the lack of good field
trips in their support group, and ask themselves if maybe they should switch groups.
Actually, though, Mom's friend is thinking of quitting home schooling anyway, and the
social time turns into a gripe session.
On the way home, Mom drops off the overdue library books and stops at the grocery
store to get meat for supper. She forgets to get a new jar of jelly, but her children
manipulate her into buying candy bars to keep them quiet. When they get home, Mom has
to set the groceries on the floor because the table is still covered with the remains of lunch
and the counters are full of clutter. The preschooler has missed his nap and runs around
wild until Dad walks in. Mom has a pulsing headache and the house is trashed. There is
very little to write down for school, but Mom hasn't kept records this week anyway.
So that was an exaggerated Mom #1! (I hope!) What about Mom #2? She has the
same children and the same house, but her perspective is totally different!
Mom #2 gets up early to have her quiet time and a shower. The preschooler is up
when Mom gets out of the bathroom, so she puts him to work setting out the breakfast
dishes. She turns on some music and greets her grumpy older children with a smile,
because she knows that the next 10 minutes can either make or break the day. After
breakfast, the children all take their dishes to the sink. One child wipes the table and
another sweeps. Since the jelly has been transferred to a plastic jar, the preschooler enjoys
putting the food away. Mom throws in a load of laundry, takes tonight's dinner out of the
freezer, and quickly reviews her to-do list and lesson plans.
When the baby starts to whimper with that blow-out diaper, Mom takes her and the
preschooler upstairs. The preschooler picks out a picture book and plops onto the floor.
Mom changes the messy diaper, washes her hands and nurses the baby to sleep.
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It's time for the third grader's math lesson, so the first grader takes the preschooler
into the living room and helps him with a puzzle. At the dining room table, Mom pulls out
a fraction chart to demonstrate the math lesson. She can see the concepts click in her son's
brain. This is a dramatic improvement from last week's fraction frustration which impelled
her to make the chart in the first place. Then the two older children switch places so that
the first grader can do her math and phonics with Mom.
After this, Mom calls the other children in for a science experiment. She pulls the
supplies out of a plastic bin, opens the book and directs the children through each step as
the preschooler watches with wide eyes. School time proceeds smoothly through the
morning. Lunch passes amiably with only one cup of spilled milk and lots of scattered
crumbs, which are quickly cleaned up.
When the phone rings, Mom waits for the answering machine to come on, finds out
it is a home school friend calling, and picks it up. Her friend invites them over to play, so
Mom checks the to-do list. No, it won't fit in today. Mom reminds herself, “Great ideas
deserve great planning,” so she suggests postponing it until Wednesday. This is fine with
her friend, yet Mom detects an odd note in the voice on the other end of the line. Is
anything wrong? “Well, yes,” replies the friend. “I am so burned out with home schooling.
I'm thinking of quitting. I just can't seem to get it together. How in the world do you do
it?” Mom chats with her friend for 20 minutes, trying to think of a way to encourage her.
She recommends a helpful home school book which she has been reading in snatches each
day.
After Mom gets off the phone, she tells her children that they can go weed the
backyard strawberry patch if they put their shoes and socks on first. She then makes a
quick phone call to the health insurance claims department. Next, she pulls out her home
school planning notebook, opens to the support group section and flips to her field trip
planning page. She calls the local science museum about group prices and jots down all of
the information on a notebook page.
When the children are ready to come inside, Mom stands guard at the door to make
sure that dirt doesn't sneak in too. The preschooler is filthy, so Mom sticks him in the tub.
It's also time for his nap time story and cuddle. Mom grabs her own book to read in his
room, because she knows she will have to prevent the nap-fighting preschooler from
escaping. When he drifts off to sleep, she sorts through closets and drawers to find items
to donate to Salvation Army.
For the rest of the afternoon, Mom reads to the older children, plays with the baby,
supervises clean up time and prepares dinner. When Dad gets home, Mom tells about the
day and hands him the notes from the health insurance phone call. After dinner and a
short Bible video, Dad reads to the children while Mom grades papers and fills out home
school record sheets. Mom and Dad chat about the agenda for the next day before she goes
to bed, tired but satisfied.
What's the difference? On the surface, the most obvious thing is that Mom #2 has
prepared for her day and prevented many of the time-and-energy-eating hassles that
plague Mom #1. If you probe a little deeper, you might detect that Mom #2 has gone
beyond mere survival to true productivity. How? She is focused on important goals and
priorities previously set with Dad. In line with what she feels is her mission in life, she
wants to develop a warm home atmosphere, be a helpful partner to her husband, teach and
train their children effectively, optimize the family health, grow in her personal life, and
assist other moms to do the same. These goals are attached to specific tasks (home
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schooling, reading, cooking, decluttering and cleaning the house, phone calls, etc.) which
Mom does little by little each day, in delicate balance. She must keep her goals and tasks in
mind so she doesn't get sidetracked. She knows when to say “NO.” Mom #2 is both
efficient and effective. I know this ideal mom seems unattainable, yet we can at least see
improvement to the extent that we emulate her and aspire to her ways.
These two moms reflect different management styles: Management By Objective
(MBO) and Management by Exception (MBE). MBO managers set positive, specific,
measurable, attainable goals with steps to implement them. They also anticipate situations
so they are ready to prevent them or respond to them. In contrast, MBE managers coast
along until a problem comes up and then they react to it. They spend prime time on
“fighting fires” instead of on productive work. For some, MBE is actually Management by
Explosion. What is your current management style? As you move toward MBO
management, ask God for a mission statement for your own life, a reflection of what he has
called you to be and do. Next, seek God's vision for your life in the areas of marriage, child
training, home school, finances, health, ministry, home making, schedule, personal
development, etc. These should all be in harmony with your mission. List your specific
goals in each area, both long term and short term. Choose a few that are important and/or
urgent, and set up a brainstorming page for each. In detail, list the steps and resources
needed to pursue each goal. Knowing that I don’t operate in isolation, I even include
sections for God’s Part, Others’ Parts and My Part.
Hold on to your visions and keep them in your mind every day! Review your goals
and evaluate your progress. Are you overwhelmed? Pace yourself and don't try to
accomplish everything at once. Major on one or two things, and dabble in the others as
you have time. You are not obligated to become an expert in every “essential” school
subject, extra-curricular option, or homemaking skill. Find what fits your unique family.
Keep your goals and priorities in balance, so that hobbies, projects, and ministries don't
crowd out your first duties to spiritual growth, husband, children, and home life.
Plan ahead so that you can avoid spending all your time reacting to problems.
When you are calm and rational, think through recurring problems to reveal creative
solutions for the future. For example, if your child routinely bursts into tears while doing a
certain subject, consider alternative ways to present or supplement the lessons. The care
you take in solving your child's learning problems, rather than merely shifting blame,
communicates to him that he is worth something. Your approach to life planning and
problem solving will be one of the strongest lessons to your children in the home school of
real life. Not even the zippiest workbook can surpass a resourceful and sensible mom.
The Secret of Replacement
Perhaps the path to your life goals is hindered by destructive personal habits.
Trying to break them seems to be a lost cause. How many New Year's Resolutions are dead
and gone by the end of January? Sometimes concentrating on the distressing patterns in
our lives only digs them further in. This dilemma reminds me of the poor man in Luke
11:26 who had a demon leave him, only to come back with seven worse evil spirits. His
heart had been swept clean, but the Holy Spirit had not been invited to fill the empty spot.
True repentance and reform require that we turn away from the bad thing and toward the
high ideal. The good shall prevail over the bad. This is firmly established in Scripture:
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♥ “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21
♥ “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me ... to bestow on them a
crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of
mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” Isaiah
61:1a, 3b
♥ “... you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on
the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its
Creator.” Colossians 3:9b, 10
♥ “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish
one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1
♥ “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.”
Proverbs 14:23
♥ “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Proverbs 15:1
♥ “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the
bones.” Proverbs 17:22
As Francis de Sales noted in the 17th century, “As to these smaller temptations… as it
is impossible to be altogether freed from them, the best defense that we can make is not to
give ourselves much trouble about them; for although they may tease us, yet they can never
hurt us, so long as we continue firmly resolved to dedicate ourselves in earnest to the
service of God…. Content yourself with quietly removing them, not by contending or
disputing with them, but by performing some actions of a contrary nature to the
temptation, especially acts of the love of God… This grand remedy is so terrible to the
enemy of our souls, that as soon as he perceives that his temptation incites us to form acts
of divine love he ceases to tempt us… He who would wish to contend with them in
particular would give himself much trouble to little or no purpose.” 4
What are the life areas in which you long to improve? What are the habits you want
to banish? Let's replace our hit list with our hot list!
The Hit List The Hot List

Retaliation and Alienation Blessing and Reconciliation
Complaints and Depression Gratitude and Cheerfulness
Accusation and Nagging Encouragement and Affirmation
Rudeness and Harshness Courtesy and Kindness
Gossip and Slander Prayer and Protection
Habitual Messiness Systematic Tidiness
Distraction and Slothfulness Daily Routine and Diligent Work
Junk Food (Body and Soul) Wholesome Nourishment
Ugliness Beauty
These are not passive changes. They require positive action. They demand that you
go out of your way and take extra effort at doing good things that don't come naturally.
4
As quoted by Gary Thomas on page 76-77 of Seeking the Face of God, published by Harvest House.
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♥ “I won't eat that extra piece of chocolate cake. I'll have a banana and a glass
of milk.”
♥ “I won't give my husband the silent treatment because he was rude to me.
Instead, I will figure out why he was upset, pray for him, make a list of his
good qualities, and fix his lunch for tomorrow.”
♥ “I won't watch soap operas. I will listen to worship music while I fold the
laundry.”
♥ “I won't tear out my hair over teaching double digit addition. I will
demonstrate with hands-on materials.”
♥ “I won't nag the children about our messy school room anymore. We are
going to clean it up, get rid of the junk, buy organizing supplies, put the
papers in notebooks, and schedule a tidy time every day.”
If you have tried and failed, tried and failed, this may seem like a hopeless effort.
Keep your mind fixed on the fact that the changes are possible and that they are important.
They will only come about if you encourage yourself to keep trying, no matter how many
times you fail. And then, wonder of wonders, some day it will click! Eventually your new
hard-won habits will even become natural and you will wonder what all the fuss was about.
Isn't God good?
Hold on though, because the danger isn't over. When the victory breaks through,
there's a strong temptation to give yourself a big pat on the back! That's just about the
surest way to slip back in the pit, because “pride goeth before the fall” (Proverbs
16:18, KJV). Sometimes God asks us, “Just how much did you think you could do by
yourself?” Arrogance will make you regress, but humility ensures progress. To God alone
be the glory, for the great things he has done!
Living Life on Purpose
Life management is not complete unless we think about our how daily home life
reflects our faith in God. I found an excellent Bible passage that I think really talks about
how we must work to reach our children’s hearts with spiritual truth as we teach
academics, take care of our homes and relate to our family members. I use 1 Thessalonians
5:12-22 to evaluate my effectiveness as a home school mom, and to give me the perfect
prescription for getting our lives back in balance.
“Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard

among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish
you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their
work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers,
warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be
patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong
for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to
everyone else. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in
all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do
not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with
contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind
of evil.”
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Based on this passage, I developed a checklist to evaluate my own progress in

nurturing my children in the Lord and preparing them for productive adult life in family
and careers:
The Thessalonians Prescription:

A Checklist for Home School Moms
1. Do I take the time to cultivate a reverent, fervent, joyful heart and home life?
2. Do I work hard to provide spiritual leadership through good example and
teaching?
3. Do I require my children to show proper respect toward both parents? (Some
people think that respect must always be earned. While we should try to be
worthy of both respect and emulation, there is a certain kind of respect that
needs to come with positions of authority -- such as parents, pastors, teachers of
any kind, and government officials -- regardless of what our child feels about
that person or the situation.)
4. Do I keep my children busy doing good things?
5. In my pursuit to teach my children independent living and learning, do I
patiently exhort those who refuse to work, encourage those who lack confidence,
and help those truly need direct assistance?
6. Do I seek to be a peacemaker by encouraging kindness and prohibiting revenge?
7. Do I give thanks in all circumstances, knowing God will bring good from them?
8. Do I eliminate influences and activities which are not the best for my family?
9. Do I teach my children to discern good from evil and to seek God’s will?
10. When I see God’s Spirit beginning to work in my child, do I avoid quenching this
progress with my own impatience and perfectionism?
11. Do I pray earnestly and continually for my children?
Home schooling can provide the ideal setting for daily discipleship, which needs to
be the focus of any true education in our family. When Mom’s heart is nurtured through
abiding in Christ, she can handle the challenges of the day better. When children’s hearts
are cooperative and teachable, they will learn academic skills much easier. Sometimes it
seems like a sacrifice to lay aside my own individual interests to invest the necessary time,
energy, and love into my children, but the blessings are abundant and the rewards are
eternal. It forces me to lean hard on God! As we all lay aside the old attitudes and
methods that have hindered us, may God renew our minds so we can be truly productive
for his glory. This is life management at its best.
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BUSY AT HOME
In the last chapter we took a look at grand goals. Now let's focus on some of the
nitty gritty daily details. This season of your life is full of intense mothering, home making,
and home schooling. Have you ever been quite so busy? Concentrate on maximizing your
time and managing your home, because if you can get control of elusive minutes, you will
reclaim precious days to share with the people you love.
My degree is in Business Management, and I learned one life-changing concept
which has spared me from many stupid mistakes. Here it is! Efficiency is doing things the
right way, but effectiveness is doing the right thing. If what you are doing is not even
worthwhile, it doesn't make any difference how fast you work, how hard you labor, how
elaborate you make it, or what process you used, because it will still be a waste of time and
resources.
How does this apply to time-conscious home school moms? If an activity is not
really necessary, there is no point in doing it faster or fancier. It is better to concentrate on
doing one important thing thoroughly than to cram in a dozen trivial pursuits. Don't be
afraid to cut through meaningless clutter in your curriculum or schedule. For example,
you don't need to attempt every project suggested in a teacher manual, since most of them
were designed for a class of thirty, not your one-room school house. As you evaluate
options, discern whether the learning value justifies all the gyrations. Make sure the
essentials get done and then you can add on a dollop of the frills.
Beyond the school room, seize the confidence to slice activities out of your schedule
if they hinder your family's mission in life. To God, we must always say “Yes,” but to
people, we must learn to sometimes say, “NO!” For example, my husband and I were both
heavily involved in Sunday School ministry every week for a few years when our children
were young. It was not the best fit for our spiritual gifts and it was taking a toll on our little
ones, so we eventually dropped back to substitute status. I know of one congregation
which actively recruited every member for some church ministry, but they wisely told the
moms, “Raising your children is your prime ministry. You don't need to sign up for
anything!” Amen!
There are also tons of worthy children's activities, such as sports, music lessons,
field trips, and clubs which could easily gobble up your time. Home school moms
sometimes feel that they must get their children involved in lots of extra-curricular
excitement to compensate for not being in “school.” As a result, they often spend more
time in the car than at home. Be selective. Some families limit each child to one out-of-
the-home commitment at a time. Other families try to do activities together or offer
alternative home-based hobbies. If you want your children to have professional music
lessons, see if you can arrange for a teacher to come to the house. Get involved in a church
or home school musical that will hit three birds with one stone: ministry, music training,
and fellowship. There are ways to have fun without going crazy!
Often we think we are accomplishing things if we keep busy doing whatever flies our
way. We fill up our time with phone calls, project deadlines, and endless meetings. In the
end, we look back and see that much of it was busywork! We need to discern whether our
efforts are fulfilling our true priorities: growing in our Christian faith, loving our husbands,
training our children, building a compassionate home environment, and serving God's
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Kingdom with our own special blend of spiritual gifts and callings.
Let's get back to basics. It's not how busy you are, but who you are inside that really
counts. For a real eye-opener about true effectiveness, take a peek at 2 Peter 1:5-8. After
listing the core maturity traits (faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance,
godliness, brotherly kindness, and love) it asserts that “if you possess these qualities
in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and
unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” It takes time to
build character, so reserve some hours in your busy schedule for reflection and renewal!
Efficiency and practical tips are still wonderful to the extent that they liberate us to
pursue worthy goals. By all means, put them to work! Since the nitty gritty details of
running a home and school can be a stumbling block to many moms, the rest of this
chapter is a sampler of tips in the following areas:
♥ Daily Household Routines

♥ First Steps to a Tidy Home
♥ Children and Chores
♥ Calendar Scheduling
♥ Household Paper Work
♥ Marvelous Meal Times
♥ Clothing the Lilies of Your Field
♥ Home Decorating
Daily Household Routines
Due to a combination of procrastination and forgetfulness, many of us find it easy to

tune out daily responsibilities. It is hard to change years of bad habits, but the rewards
more than compensate for the effort.
Do routine chores every day so they won't pile up. Cultivate a “DO IT
NOW!” attitude. Tie everyday tasks to deadline events, like meals, Dad's arrival home, and
bedtime. I once had an effective bedtime routine which was posted several places around
the house. Life changed, so what I had then wouldn’t work now. I am still working on
breaking into good routines!
If you are faced with a monstrous job, don't keep putting it off! Break it
up into manageable chunks and do a little each day for a week. For example, if you are
deep cleaning the kitchen, tackle the refrigerator on one day, and reorganize and wipe
down the pantry cupboards on a different day.
Watch out for time wasters! Restrict TV watching, since it wastes time and cuts
productivity. Instead, put on upbeat music to get your body moving as you work. Use an
answering machine to screen calls during school and family times.
Think like an efficiency expert as you examine your housework
methods. Keep supplies handy. Make a list of jobs which can be done in 15 minute “in-
between” times. Do two things at once, like tending soup while giving a spelling test, or
grouping your errands and appointments into one outing.
Create a realistic routine for periodic household chores. You can divide
your weekly chores into short list for each day of the week (i.e. Friday: clean master
bathroom, take out the trash, and plan next week's lessons.) Some organized types of
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moms manage to pre-schedule monthly and quarterly chores (i.e. wash walls on the third
Monday of each month). However, many of us are just not wired that way, so don't feel
guilty if you can't seem to break into these routines. Here is my approach. First, I try to do
all major cleaning and organizing during school breaks, especially Christmas and summer.
The children are expected to help! We also attempt to stay on top of the crucial stuff
(laundry, dishes, basic tidying, etc.) daily. The children’s chore chart includes most of
these items, but I still have to supervise. Other than that, when I notice that a task really
needs doing, I do it that day or as soon as possible -- while I am still motivated! So if I see
lots of smudges in my refrigerator or a layer of dust on my ceiling fans, I clean it on the
spot. If my husband drops hints about a messy closet, I organize it. This relaxed approach
may seem like heresy to organizational gurus, but it works for our family.
Keep track of other specific non-routine tasks. If you have a handheld
computer such as a Palm Pilot or a Blackberry, use it! However, most of us don’t have one.
For things to be done in the next day or so, such as phone calls, errands, and special
projects, jot a short list and attach it to your refrigerator where you can see it easily during
the day. For items to be accomplished within the next month or beyond, make a more
comprehensive list to go in your notebook or on the refrigerator. Sit down for a quiet hour
of brainstorming and try to recall all of the little elusive details. To help jog your memory,
talk to your husband and children, consult your calendar, review your goal lists, look
around the house, and browse through your paperwork. Jot it all down as you think of it,
then type it on your computer or neatly rewrite it in categories:
♥ Items to Discuss with Husband
♥ Phone Calls & Correspondence
♥ Errands & Purchases
♥ Paperwork / Computer / Finances
♥ Household Care and Repair
♥ Upcoming Events (Holidays, Births, Vacations, Hospitality, etc.)
♥ School Preparation
♥ Miscellaneous
First Steps to a Tidy Home
Since I am a recovering messy, learning to keep my house organized and clean has
been quite a challenge for me! You see, when I was a little girl, my bedroom was piled so
deep in junk that I could have hidden an elephant in there. Mom had to turn off my light at
night because I didn't dare walk across my room in the dark. Yes, I was bad, and I didn't
get any better until I had roommates, then a tidy husband, and then a bunch of children. If
I didn't do something, I was going to drown! Here's a sample of what I have learned from
books, the example of others, and personal trial-and-error.
Get a vision for “kosmos” in your home. My boys and I once read the book
Archimedes and the Door of Science by Jeanne Bendick. She mentioned that the
word cosmos, which we think of as universe, is from the Greek word kosmos, which means
an orderly and harmonious arrangement. This is something the Greeks highly valued;
they were so pleased that the heavens exhibited this quality. In my life, this inspires me to
pursue kosmos at home. I try to stoke this vision by reading home organization books by
such experts as Don Aslett, Sandra Felton, and Emilie Barnes.
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View cleaning up as a form of art. Imagine how beautiful your home will be if
you stay on top of it all. Picture clear counters, glistening appliances, neatly folded laundry
in the drawers, smooth carpets, and shiny tile.
Give a room a facelift just by removing clutter and tidying things up. Be
ruthless! Give away items that you don't need or that distract you from important
priorities. Apply the Philippians 4:4-8 test. If it is not good, noble, true, and pure, out it
goes!
If you have a bunch of active, curious children, don't expect an
immaculate house! Young children can make a new mess every time you turn around.
Tackle the germs and the obvious clutter first, and don't get hyper about every speck of
dust on the furniture or hand print on the wall. You don't have to have “House Beautiful,”
just a home full of living, loving, and learning.
Invest in household equipment, tools, and supplies to get the job done
right and save your precious time and energy. Also, be sure you have proper
household storage such as shelving, plastic bins, sports equipment racks, and organizers
for musical and computer media.
A place for everything and everything in its place! Assign consistent
“addresses” to all items close to where they are used. Teach all family members where
things belong. When you find something out of place, reinforce its correct address: “These
markers go in the blue box up on the shelf, not in my pencil holder!” There are also proper
places to do different activities. For example, we have a rule that you can’t eat, drink, or do
messy projects in carpeted areas. Of course, the rule is often ignored, but it helps
somewhat, especially with the younger children. I don’t want glue stuck on my carpet or on
the couch, nor do I want to have to retrieve dirty cereal bowls from bedrooms! (We have
cockroaches in Florida, after all!)
Children and Chores
You can’t do it all yourself! That’s the first rule of housework, in my opinion. Get
those children busy, and watch the work melt away.
What happens when parents fail to train children in everyday responsibility?
Picture Tommy Tornado. He dawdles through his school work finding every excuse for
distraction. He still hasn't finished his math page by the afternoon, and since it's so B-O-
R-I-N-G, he shoves the book aside and retrieves his model airplane kit from the closet. He
has the glue, newspaper, and plastic parts all spread out on the kitchen table when his
friend Joe rings the doorbell wanting to play. Mom asks from the next room if he has done
his math yet. Tommy calls back, “Yeah...”, justifying to himself that he has done some of it.
He runs outside and is soon happily rollerblading down the street. An hour later, he
stumbles back inside, totally exhausted, and plops down in front of the TV with a snack.
Mom nags Tommy to clean up his airplane mess and take out the trash, but he is now
comatose on the couch in front of the TV, amid potato chip crumbs and apple cores. She
ends up doing it all herself, still resentful about the jumble of Legos and crayons from this
morning. When Dad gets home, already tired from a long day at work, he nearly runs into
the rollerblades left in the driveway. He is now in no mood for mercy when he steps inside
the house to greet his tired wife. It's going to be a long evening! Multiply this by a houseful
of children, and you have trouble with a capital T. And as Tommy slides through the
teenage years into adulthood, he will face major obstacles in higher education, career, and
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family life.
One basic difference between adults and children is that adults tend to think of
“duty” things (productivity, safety, health, hygiene, tidiness, thrift, etc.) while children
naturally gravitate to “pleasure” pursuits (play, food, friends, relaxation, affection, crafts,
etc.) Sure, adults like these things too, but often have a hard time “cutting loose” when
there is so much work to be done. They run themselves ragged, skimp on meals, get
overwhelmed, and start grumbling. Meanwhile, the children play until they drop (all the
while making excess work for Mom and Dad), and then they don't even think about helping
out. What is the solution to overworked parents and lazy offspring? Train the children to
work! At first, this will just mean cleaning up their messes and taking care of personal
hygiene. Later, they must learn to pitch in on family responsibilities and household chores.
As the children come up to speed and carry their own weight, then the adults are more able
to relax and enjoy life with their children. Everyone wins! The children become more
mature and actually get to spend friendly time with Mom and Dad. The adults, on the
other hand, can cultivate a childlike appreciation of simple pleasures like naps, hugs,
games and evening strolls. True balance comes when all family members learn to
intermingle duty and pleasure by adding adventure to their tasks, alternating periods of
work and rest, and laboring together in a spirit of comradeship. Rather than being pitted
against each other, the parents and children are blended into a team! Here are a few tips
to help along the way:
Insist that tidying up is a necessary part of every project. Don't let your
children go on to the next activity until the last one is cleaned up. If they don't have time to
clean it up, they don't have time to do the project! To be honest, our younger children have
yet to learn this, and it’s a constant source of frustration. I don’t like to have to play
detective later on to figure out who made the mess.
Schedule regular tidy-up times. Have a “Power Hour” before Dad comes home
in the evening or, better yet, before they go out to play in the afternoon. Ask each person to
pick up 10 items or play “Beat the Clock.” Make it fun! Think of how Cinderella danced
with her mop! Put on some bouncy music and let the children play “clean-up train”
together. Each one chooses to be a different kind of train car -- one for toys, one for
clothes, one for papers, etc. As they toot through the house, they make stops at each room
to collect and transport the cargo. Set the timer and race to clean up the play room in 15
minutes. When you have a little more time, put the block bucket in the middle of the floor
and see how many they can throw in. Confiscate items which are repeatedly left out. Some
families have a “redemption box.” The children have to wait until the next redemption day,
pay money or do extra chores to get their things back.
Make a chore chart. There are many ways we have done this, and you can come
up with the way which works best for your family. At first, we started with as many index
cards as we had children who could do a fair share of housework. On each card, I wrote a
daily mealtime chore at the top and then another chore for each day of the week. Then I
slipped them into a plastic photo page that had four segments labeled with my children’s
names. I attached this to the refrigerator door, and rotated the cards each week. One card
might have looked like this:
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Meals: Load dishes.
Mon: Vacuum and dust living room.
Tue: Organize your bedroom.
Wed: Vacuum your bedroom.
Thu: Vacuum and dust living room.
Fri: Gather trash from around the house.
After a few years, I decided to design a computer spreadsheet to produce weekly

chart pages. Children’s names went across the top, and days of the week went down the
side. Using the cut-and-paste function, I created three different pages, shifting the
columns of chores around so that the first child got chore set A one week, set B the second
week, and set C the third week, and so forth for the other two children who shared those
sets of chores. We changed the page each Sunday.
Next, after reading more about the subject of chores, I decided to assign my children
“permanent” chores in a specific room, without rotating each week. In other words,
instead of assigning one to wipe the table, and another to sweep underneath it or one
person to load the dishwasher and another to unload it, I chose one child for each whole
area. The limit on this was that if someone else made a big mess in your area, they had to
clean it up. My oldest daughter asked for the hardest job, kitchen duty, because she truly
liked to see it clean and figured she was the best person for the job! Another daughter was
responsible for keeping the bathroom clean every day, another had the dining room, and
another the living room. This set up eliminated confusion about who did what and
prevented people from getting in each other’s way or having to wait for each other to do a
chore which needs to come before their own (like unloading and loading dishes).
Now that we have more children available to work, we are back to a chore chart with
more specific tasks based on age levels and availability. For example, one of our little ones
sets out the silverware at dinner time and folds all of our cleaning cloths. Our two oldest
sons gather and take out all the trash. One of our girls cleans the bathroom. We schedule
our teenager’s chores around their class, work, and sports schedules.
Picking the right job for each child is a matter of knowing what they are physically
and mentally ready to do, what they are naturally good at, and what they can learn. Maybe
the toddler can just put his socks in the hamper and pick up his toys. The fourth grader
could sanitize the bathroom or vacuum the carpets. A teenager could shop and prepare
meals. Let the organized child tidy closets, the energetic one rake leaves, the creative child
make a table centerpiece, and the nurturing one entertain younger siblings. You might
find that a job truly is too hard or hazardous for one child. On the other hand, with a little
training, a younger child could become quite capable of a job that you thought was too
difficult until they begged to try.
Provide appropriate tools for your children to help clean house. Imagine
that you had to clean a giant's house with the giant's own tools! Stretch, pull, stretch, pull!
Provide your children with child-size brooms, dustpan, work gloves, garden tools, aprons,
etc. Keep a whole pile of wipe-up cloths on a low shelf. Use non-toxic cleaners stowed in a
caddie which can be carried from room to room. Give them plastic bins for easy toy
storage. Make it simple and it will more likely get done! Eventually, your children will
learn which tools or supplies are used for each task. The narrow vacuum nozzle is used for
cleaning the cracks in the couch, while the wide one is used for the floor. One spray bottle
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is for cleaning windows, but the other is for disinfecting toilets. The ability to select an
appropriate resource is just one more step on the way to independence.
Train your children in specific home maintenance skills. I once handed
my young daughter a spray bottle and asked her to clean our toaster. She honestly didn't
know that you aren't supposed to douse the heating elements with chemicals. On the
bright side, I got a new four-slice toaster! It is not a waste of time to lay aside the
worksheets to teach home skills. Sure, it's faster to do the job yourself, but they have to
learn some time; the sooner they learn, the sooner you will be free to do other things.
Teach a little at a time, work with them, and allow them to succeed at small assignments
before going on to more complicated ones. Since children can't read our minds (except
when we are thinking of ice cream), we need to clearly and systematically explain and
demonstrate the process. If the task is to sweep, then “show-n-tell” how to get under the
edge of the counter or how to shift the dustpan back to catch the last few crumbs. You
could also write a detailed list of steps for “How to Clean the Bathroom” and tape it to the
wall for quick reference. For young children learning to clean their bedrooms, you could
make a picture chart or have them memorize key words: CLOTHES, BED, PAPERS, TOYS.
Teach your kids to work together to get the job done. Parents often hear
bickering among the children about chore assignments. If you tell young children to “clean
up the living room,” you will almost invariably hear one child complain, “He isn't doing
anything, so I'm not going to either!” It might be better to tell them, “Bob, you pick up the
toys while Ann picks up the books.” With these clearly defined responsibilities, they won't
feel obligated to make up for the slacker. Whichever way you do it, don't allow your
children to compare among themselves or boss each other around, because you alone have
the bird's eye view of the assignments.
As they complete household tasks, they will soon learn that timing and sequence are
important. If one child has to wait for another to unload the dishwasher before he can put
the dirty dishes in, and Mom has to wait for the dishes to be cleared out of the way before
she can make dinner, these “log jams” disrupt efficiency. I urge my children to think of
other people when they are choosing which of their tasks to do first. If someone else is
waiting on you to do a certain job, that one takes priority. This may seem like a subtle
lesson, but when they get out into a career where they must cooperate with their
colleagues, they will appreciate your training.
Children must eventually develop the capacity for truly working together rather
than merely alongside one another. This can start out simple, as in: “Bob, please hold the
bag open while Ann dumps the trash in.” With older children or teenagers, you could say,
“The Miller family is coming for dinner on Saturday. You can figure out a good menu, shop
for the ingredients, and fix the meal.” At this stage, they are not just performing pre-
assigned tasks. They must actually plan the details, check their resources, budget, make
decisions, negotiate compromises, and split up the work according to their interests and
abilities. As a mini-committee, they are preparing for life in the “real world.”
Inspect what you expect. Housekeeping standards vary from family to family,
but they must be clearly communicated and checked. If they don't do it all, or don't do it
right, they need to do it over. Your children should be able to tell when a job is done by
certain criteria such as:
♥ When you tidy up, the whole room should look better at first glance.
♥ Junk must not be shoved behind doors, in closets, or under beds.
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♥ Toilets and sinks must be sprayed with disinfectant.
♥ Hard surfaces should not have sticky residue after cleaning.
♥ If you must pile up books or papers, make the stack neat and steady.
♥ Putting away the tools and supplies is part of the job!
As you set and enforce your standards, remember that your child may eventually
share living space with a roommate or spouse accustomed to a much tidier lifestyle.
If you find that the child's work is not up to par, go back over the first seven
“essentials” again! Or consider whether the problem is a matter of attitude... which takes
us to our next and most important element!
Encourage good attitudes toward home responsibilities. “Housework?
Isn't that Mom's job? Does she think I'm a slave or something?” It is a rare child who
gleefully serves at menial chores. Excellence won't enter their minds until they grasp a
sense of ownership over household tasks. Our children must get the idea that they are vital
members of the family team and that we are in dire need of their assistance. Teach your
children to value a clean and tidy house. Remind them how much more pleasant it is to
walk across the floor without tripping, slipping, or sticking!
A clean house is its own reward, but is that enough? While a system of rewards can
help spur your children to do a good job, they also need to develop the internal motivation
of doing a job for what it produces, not just what it pays. Some families pay cash for all
chores, citing that a worker is worth his wages. Others feel that household work is the
price you pay for living in the home, so each one should do his share without extra
compensation. In the middle are those who don't pay for routine chores (laundry, dishes,
sweeping, etc.), but offer rewards for doing extra work (yard work, baby sitting, deep
cleaning, etc.) As an alternative to money, children can earn privileges such as outings or
private time with parents. Whatever incentives you choose, a word of appreciation is
always appropriate for a job well done, especially if they have cheerfully taken the initiative
without being reminded.
When my husband Thad was about nine, they moved into a Massachusetts ski lodge
that his father managed. Thad worked in the kitchen and dining hall after school. He had
plenty of outdoor fun, but he sure learned to work! Even now, he can't walk past a sink of
dirty dishes without at least rinsing and stacking them. He must be the most diligent
person I know. He encourages me, “Honey, just train the children to be busy at home!”
When it comes to dirty dishes, sticky floors, or smelly toilets, children can suddenly
develop a sense of squeamishness. Somehow this never bothered them when they were
making mud pies, catching worms, or eating yogurt with their bare hands. Yucky stuff and
germs will be around for the rest of their lives, so the sooner they learn to deal with it, the
better off they will be. Remember your high school or college biology class? When we had
to dissect a rat, my classmates and I were all disgusted. However, I knew I had to put aside
my nausea and do it, so I pounced on the task with morbid glee, to the amazement of my
lab partners. (I beg pardon from all of you non-violent animal lovers out there!) Gross
messes don't faze me much now. Tell your children to roll up those sleeves, plunge in, and
then disinfect themselves later. That's why we have soap, hot water and rubber gloves! It
takes some training, but a child who is willing to follow the “foot washing” example of
Jesus and dig in to a dirty job is fit to serve God in the most profound way.
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Calendar Scheduling
I once accidentally scheduled a dinner party on the same night as a home school
meeting. I knew they were both “next Tuesday,” but because I hadn't written either one on
the calendar, it didn't dawn on me that they were both on the same next Tuesday. This was
not an isolated incident, but fortunately these mistakes can be prevented with the proper
use of a calendar.
Hang a large family calendar in a central place close to the phone. Keep
it coordinated with your husband's and children's personal planners. Record all regular
meetings, activities, appointments, and field trips as soon as they are scheduled, and check
with other family members before you make commitments. When you come home from
the library, mark the due date on your calendar. We gave up on using those pretty picture
calendars, because we have so much stuff to write down that we need one of those big desk
size calendars with the huge blocks. We hang it in the kitchen, where we can all see it
easily. We also use Microsoft Outlook to enter calendar information. We can print out as
many copies as we need for different family members to keep us all on the same page with
our schedules.
At the beginning of the year, mark your fresh new calendar with all the
birthdays and anniversaries. Make a master list of these occasions to keep from year
to year. Plan big events like vacations, reunions, and celebrations weeks or even months in
advance to make details smoother, allow optimal arrangements, and save money.
Don't view your husband as an obstacle to your schedule. He is your
partner, provider, protector, and leader. He can help you say “no” to overload even when
you don't realize you are in above your neck. When someone asks for a commitment of
your time, you may want to tell them that you will give an answer after you have checked
with your husband. He will appreciate your consideration in honoring his leadership and
guarding his need for privacy and relaxation after a hard day's work.
Household Paper Work
Welcome to the Information Age! Even with high-technology, much of our data is
still on low-tech paper which must be either organized or constantly shuffled.
Try scheduling at least one time each week to handle paper work which
cannot be done immediately. Make the rounds of your home to collect all loose
papers, gather them all into a pile, and tackle it! A clean desk and a trash basket full of
discarded papers bring a tremendous sense of satisfaction.
Stock up on paper storage devices: notebooks, magazine boxes, file cabinets,
folders, and archive boxes. You need them! Just make sure that you keep them organized,
and weed out old stuff on a regular basis.
Use a computer to store a lot of your records. This is the ideal way to
maintain your financial records, calendar, phone & address list, and more. It can be easily
changed, and you can fit lots of stuff on each page. Be sure to back up your data. We use a
jump drive (also known as a flash drive) for backing up important documents and other
files, which also makes it really easy to transport them to our other computers. Of course,
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we still print out a lot of what we enter in to the computer, so we still have to deal with the
papers, but it’s not quite as much.
Set up a notebook for your personal and household records. Packaged
organizers can be adapted to your needs or you can set up your own with a three-ring
binder and dividers. Here are some possible sections:
♥ Schedule / Calendar: To-do list, project list, planning forms, calendar pages,
family schedules, master list of birthdays and anniversaries.
♥ People: Personal phone/address list, organization and club member lists,
legislators, personal notes on people, hospitality plans, items loaned or borrowed,
letters to answer
♥ Grocery / Menu / Nutrition: Grocery checklists, diet instructions, meal plans,
nutrition information, favorite recipes, product boycott lists
♥ Finances / Insurance: Monthly budgets, things to buy, expense records, cost
comparisons, financial goals and plans, tax information, Scriptures on money and
finance, “in case of death” summary of important financial and legal information
(bank accounts, debts, insurance, will location, burial, etc.)
♥ Children: Clothing sizes, personal goals, Bible verses on children, practical
Mommy tips, safety reminders, activity and craft ideas. If you have outgrown baby
books or can’t find them when you want them, you can write personal notes about
your children in this notebook section.
♥ Ideas / Goals / Personal: Goals/plans/priorities, notes from favorite books, new
things to try, inspirational tidbits, personal writing
♥ Health / First-Aid: First-aid and emergency tips, family medical summaries (a
page for each person including a record of illnesses, injuries, treatments,
immunizations, weight and height, etc.), instructions from or questions for health
care providers, medical insurance information, health ideas, exercise instructions,
and Bible verses on health and safety
♥ Home Maintenance / Decorating: cleaning & organizing tips, maintenance &
repair summaries, decorating plans and ideas, items to buy, stain removal chart
♥ Paper: lined, unlined, note cards, graph paper, and other special formats
Marvelous Meal Times
It's 5:30 p.m. and one of your children wails: “Mommeee... I'm hungry! What's for
dinner???” Dinner? Oh, my! Is it really that late? You rummage around in the
refrigerator. You see a container of leftovers and hope rises until you realize they are over
a week old. Next you check the pantry closet for tuna fish. Nope! The freezer? Let's see,
chicken... No, that takes too long to thaw. How about ground beef? OK, into the
microwave! Oops, the edges are now brown rubber. Oh well, it will mix in when you fry it,
but what can you have with it? Guess it will be another “Surprise Casserole” night! “Oh
yuck!” chorus your loyal children. Peanut butter and crackers, anyone? Don't laugh too
hard, because it happens even at my house! My children still snicker about the time when
my laziness and creativity collided and I fixed egg casserole with green bean and
mushroom sauce. It was awful! Even my clean-your-plate-or-else husband wouldn't eat it.
I obviously don't have 100% success with meals, but I'll share with you the things that do
work.
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Keep your kitchen organized! Arrange your storage areas for convenience. Put
seldom-used items in less accessible spots or get rid of them. It is easier to wipe up spills
and crumbs if your counters aren't cluttered. Put all of your baking equipment in one
cupboard, and your plastic containers in another. Keep a canister for sharp knives at the
back of your counter if you don’t want them in a child-accessible drawer. You can store a
few flexible cutting mats and mini cutting boards along with them.
Do nutrition research as it applies to your family's health needs and
tastes. Your library probably has cookbooks for nearly any style of wholesome recipes,
and you can easily do web searches to find a ton of them, too. It's still true that the way to a
man's heart is through his stomach. Choose meals that your husband enjoys. Don't just
serve what you think the children will eat. Treat Dad like a king!
Plan meals before you go to the store. Make a list of your most commonly
used recipes and their ingredients. Figure out what you need for this week's menus, and
inventory what you have on hand (including leftovers). Take note of upcoming events on
your calendar: nights you will eat out, have company, or need to eat quickly to get to a
meeting. Try a rotating menu schedule. Each week has a different set of recipes and a
standard shopping list. After three or four weeks, the cycle starts again. My older children
are very good at meal planning, after years of practice.
Type and photocopy a detailed master shopping checklist. Include
products that your family normally buys, sorted by aisle location in the grocery store.
Choose one full service supermarket and supplement with trips to a warehouse club,
discount bread outlet, fruit stand, or health food store. When I was pregnant with our 10th
baby, I did not have the stamina to make it through a full grocery trip. Our 11 and 13 year
old daughters would take the organized list and gather all of our groceries while I sat on a
bench nearby. The only thing I had to do was pay for the stuff! They have gotten so good
at grocery shopping, they can figure out the best deals and brands themselves, and they
know what extras will be acceptable along the way.
Check into cook-ahead plans. This might be once-a-month, once-a-week, or
fixing a double batch of recipes. Pre-cook your meats. Roast a turkey or brown several
pounds of ground beef to freeze in bags for several meals. At the very least, you can make
your husband's lunch for tomorrow as you make lunches for today.
Train and delegate! Get the children to set and clear the table, wipe counters,
sweep the floor, and do dishes. They need this experience just as much as you need the
break. Teaching your children to cook is a vital part of your home education program.
Remember Home Ec class? Young ones can tear lettuce for salad, pour drinks, or mix
muffin batter. Later, they will progress to actual stovetop cooking. When you are ill or
rushed, it’s such a relief to have children who know how to fry scrambled eggs, chop
vegetables, mix meat loaf, or assemble burritos. Our unit study on “foods and nutrition”
paid big dividends in my children's interest and ability in the kitchen. Sure, there is an
occasional botched recipe or broken dish, but who am I to complain for all the help they
give me? At times, we have assigned each of our older children to plan and prepare dinner
one night a week, which is a huge time saver for me. They do fix lunches for their younger
siblings almost every day, anyway! You may also wish to teach your children proper food
storage techniques to reduce spoilage and keep your food safe to eat. One of my young
children, trying to be helpful, put all of our fresh meat away in the kitchen cabinet, where it
was not discovered until the next day! Ouch!
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Run the dishwasher every night before you go to bed. Unload dishes after
breakfast, and fill the dishwasher throughout the day. Our large family actually runs three
or four loads per day! You can also assign color-coded cups and bowls so you will know
who has cleared their dishes or not. They can also use the same cup over and over again
during the day.
Don’t forget to enjoy your meal together! We’ve only talked about the
logistics of mealtime. The real heart of it is family fellowship. Families can get so busy
with activities away from home that dinner time is often a rushed or on-the-go affair.
While we might not get to eat together in leisure every evening at home, we should make
the effort to do this most evenings. We can start by asking God’s blessings on the meal. A
traditional “grace” in our home is one passed down from my grandparents: “Give us
grateful hearts, O Father, and make us mindful of the needs of others, through Jesus Christ
our Lord, Amen.” Then take the time to talk! If the art of pleasant meal time conversation
does not come naturally to your family, you could ask each person open ended questions
such as, “What was the most interesting thing that happened to you today?” or “What is the
favorite thing that you did today?” If these aren’t specific enough to elicit anything more
than a shrug, try questions like, “Billy, would you like to tell Daddy how you caught the
gerbils when they escaped from their cage this morning?” or “Nicole, why don’t you tell us
what you learned about Amelia Earhart at the science museum today?” And do try to keep
things positive without tense arguments or petty corrections. Those are best handled
privately later on, or better yet, prevented ahead of time. “Don’t cry over spilled milk” –
just keep a damp cloth handy at the table for the inevitable messes. Say something like
gentle, like: “Oops! There goes your cup! You can wipe up the milk with this. And let’s
move your cup away from the edge of the table so you won’t knock it over with your elbow
again.” You can also hold fun and informal table manners “classes” at lunch so you can be
prepared for a peaceful dinner when Daddy is home in the evening. That will make for a
more marvelous mealtime!
Clothing the Lilies of Your Field
Those lucky lilies! The flowers of the field are arrayed in dazzling colors with velvety
soft textures, and they don't even have to do laundry! If your house is like mine, clothing
care is a never ending job. Here are a few suggestions to make life easier:
Equip your laundry area or bedrooms with plenty of containers for

sorting dirty clothes. For several years, we used recycled laundry detergent buckets
and labeled them for each child, as well as delicate clothes, linens, white clothes, items to
be bleached, etc. Now that we have less space in our laundry area since our garage was
converted to a bedroom, storage room and office. I try to keep minimal dirty laundry out
there. The kids are supposed to bring out their clothes when they are ready to wash, and
not let things pile up. I find that sturdy square laundry baskets are much more practical
than the larger rectangular ones because they are easier to carry, especially for young
children. We also use smaller, transportable hampers (rectangular trash baskets) for their
dirty clothes in their bedrooms. We have small hampers in our dining room and kitchen
for dropping in wet rags used for wiping the counters, drying dishes, or cleaning up spills.
These get washed every day!
Round up all dirty clothes and linens after breakfast. Then sort them into
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your bins or baskets, and get the first load going before starting school. Try to put away
clean clothes the same day they are washed. If you do a mixed load of all of your children's
laundry every day, they may each have only one or two outfits to put away! My three sons
share a bedroom, and I do all of their laundry at once. I usually sort the clean clothes into
separate baskets for them so they can fold and put away their own stuff. Otherwise, it takes
much longer for them to get it done if they do the sorting themselves.
As soon as your children are able, make them responsible for their own
laundry. You will need to show them which washer and dryer cycles to use, how much
detergent to add, how to treat stains, and other specific skills. Children as young as age
two can help fold wash cloths, match socks, and put clothes away. Stock up on a few dozen
pairs of identical socks to cut down on sorting. Equip closets with plastic hangers, low
rods, and sturdy plastic boxes to make it easier for them to finish the job.
Lay out clothes ahead of time when you are going out. This will cut a lot of
frustration as you are trying to get the family out the door for a field trip, co-op classes, or
church service. Ideally, you should lay out clothes, shoes, and hair accessories the night
before. If modesty is an issue at your house, make sure that all clothes are approved by
mom or dad, too!
Find good sources for “recycled” clothing. Garage sales, consignment shops,
friends, and family members are good bets. When you don't pay full price, you aren't as
grieved when an item is damaged, lost, or outgrown. We often find plastic bags with hand-
me-down clothes in them next to our van after church, and we’ve been known to do the
same thing for others! It makes sense!
Teach your children (and maybe the adults too) a few laundry policies.
Here are a few of ours.
♥ Don't go outside in stocking feet.
♥ Use towels, pajamas, and sweaters more than once before washing.
♥ Take wet or heavily soiled laundry directly to the laundry area.
♥ Turn items right side out and empty pockets before placing in the hamper.
♥ Never put crayons in pockets, even for a minute!
♥ Tell Mom about stains and rips immediately so they can be treated.
♥ Use a smock or wear old clothes while doing messy projects.
♥ When you take out anyone’s laundry from the dryer, make sure that you lay
clothing such as nice skirts, pants, and shirts nicely across the top of the basket
or on a bed so they won’t get wrinkled. We also want them to alert the owner
that their laundry is out so they can get to it promptly.
Home Decorating
When you are home schooling, your home is your campus. You are there all day.
You want an inviting, attractive atmosphere for learning, not just in your official “school
room” but anywhere you and your children might find yourself working during the day.
Decorating dilemmas are plentiful at my stage of life, so they require premium
creative energies. How about you? If you groan every time you look around your home
campus, this will affect your morale and productivity as an educator and homemaker. OK,
I know you are on a tight budget and maybe you have to live with a stained carpet or
outdated wallpaper for a time. Maybe you bought a “fixer” house, and it has you in a fix!
You are not alone. I've been there!
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When we moved into our house several years ago, we lacked curtains for the odd-
size windows in our bedroom. I prayed and asked God to show me what I could do, because
I didn't have the money for new ones, and the curtain rod had fallen off the wall. A few
minutes later, I returned with a large hemmed piece of blue-flowered cloth that my mom
had given me. I fastened the top edge above the window at three places, and covered the
hooks with corsages of white silk flowers from various weddings. It didn't cost me a dime
and was pretty enough that I kept it up for ten years.
Our living room was a constant sore spot for years, and I was embarrassed to have
people visit. Our two ancient couches were adorned with mismatched makeshift throw
covers which pulled out of place when anyone sat down. In desperation I finally cried out
to God, “Dear Lord, I don't want to be materialistic, but I really need two couches. They
don't have to be fancy, and I don't care where they come from, but it would be nice if they
matched.” Two days later, I discovered that an anonymous young artist had inked a tic-
tac-toe board smack in the middle of one of the light colored cushions. “This is the last
straw, God. Help!” The very next day, I got a phone call from some neighbors down the
street who did not know of our desires. “Virginia, we have two matching couches here that
we don't need anymore. They are about six years old and in great shape. Oh, and one is a
couch bed. We don't want to be pushy, but you are welcome to have them for free.” Wow!
Praise God! What an answer to prayer, what a difference in my living room, and what a
way to build a friendship between neighbors! We used those couches for years before
replacing them with a sectional sofa from a garage sale. Finally, when we renovated our
entire house, we actually bought new couches! Knowing how much time we spend reading
in the living room, I shopped very carefully for just the right ones. We finally picked a pair
of dark red micro-fiber puffy cushion sofas. They hide the dirt, the fabric is durable, and
they are ultra comfortable!
Moms, I'm not saying that God will drop matching sofas in our laps every time we
pray, but your situation is not hopeless. Most times, the Lord is just asking us to use the
creativity and resources that are readily available to us. We can create a pleasant place to
live and raise our families, even on a tight budget. Perhaps you can get a few buckets of
paint and teach your older children the techniques. Our older children are quite proficient
with painting, and have often done their own bedrooms with a little help from Dad. They
have an immense sense of pride in their accomplishment. If you don’t have a child who is
old enough to help you, and your husband is uninterested or too busy, ask a friend to help
out. It’s always fun to eat pizza with them after the painting party! Even if you aren’t going
to repaint a whole room, a few touch ups will do wonders. You can quickly repair dents in
your walls with a small tub of spackle, a spreader and some sand paper. You can also hang
pictures over the bad spots. Or how about making some inexpensive room decorations
during your home economics class? Any mom can do something! Start small with a
simple centerpiece or a corner of a room. Experiment, research, dream and plan well.
With God's help, you can make it happen!
How are you doing with these little household details? Titus 2:4 encourages us to
be busy at home, so we rejoice in the dignity of an important, God-ordained task. When
life hits a frenzied pace, or it seems that the piddly stuff is about to make you pop at the
seams, remember that the point is to make your schedules and systems work to create a
warm and orderly home environment for your family!
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LITTLE PEOPLE IN THE HOME SCHOOL

My children must have a whopping team of guardian angels. Let me tell you about
just one of them as a toddler and preschooler. First, we temporarily lost two-year old
Rachel in a subway station on a field trip in Washington D.C. At age three, she removed a
child-resistant cap and swallowed several handfuls of fruit-flavored children's vitamins and
iron tablets. Ironically, I was busy childproofing our school room at the time! (She spent a
very expensive night in the hospital, but came home in full health.) Then there was the
time we had seven firemen in our kitchen removing a tight plastic glue-tube top from her
finger, while the neighbors paced up and down the street. Speaking of keeping our
community helpers busy, twice in one week Rachel dialed 911 and hung up. She had been
listening to a sing-along safety songs tape. The policemen who arrived on our doorstep
were not amused!
Several years ago, I went to a home school retreat and was relieved to see that a
question-and-answer period was on the agenda. My burning question, as the mother of a
kindergartner, preschooler, toddler, and baby, was, “What do I do with my two year old?”
Rachel wasn't young enough to lie around and coo, but not old enough to sit still and color.
These dear veteran home school moms replied, “Trust the Lord and this stage will soon
pass.” Yes, Rachel is now a responsible teenager. She has outgrown most of her previous
mischief. However, since she has several younger siblings, preschool days are far from
over in this house! I have not totally conquered the art of home schooling with “little
people” around, but I can share a few practical suggestions.
Pregnant Pauses
Pregnancy is a time to reflect on the awesome blessing and responsibility that each
child brings (Psalms 127 and 128). I like to meditate on Psalm 139 because it reminds me
how intricately the Sovereign Lord designs each baby in his workshop called the womb.
This is also a prime opportunity to teach older children about conception, gestation, birth,
and baby care. Why not plan a unit study on this? There are plenty of children’s books out
there on these topics, but you do have to prescreen them, because some of them are a little
too advanced or graphic about the process!
You may also wish to consider allowing some of your children attend the birth or a
sonogram, or at least watch a video of it later. Mary (then 7) and Julia (then 5) witnessed
Lydia's debut at a local birth center. They only came in the room for the last five minutes,
so they were spared watching me go through too much pain in an unmedicated birth. All
five of our older girls (ages 5 to 13) joined us for Naomi’s birth, and Mary (then 18)
watched Melody’s birth. We never had any problem with this, even for our hospital births.
It was a priceless experience gave them an idea of what to expect when they have babies.
With all that fantastic work going on inside, pregnant moms must take extra care to
get proper sleep and nutrition. It's a perfect excuse to unload excess activities from your
schedule! Your children can also spurt forward in responsibility as they learn to help you
through the months of morning sickness and bulkiness. You may be home schooling from
the couch, but that’s OK!
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I thought you all might enjoy a poem I wrote to announce our pregnancy with baby
#10, who turned out to be our precious Melody Lynn.
We've Counted Up Our Blessings

by Virginia Knowles
We've counted up our blessings,

Now we're counting them again,
We've got nine terrific children,
This summer, we will have ten!
God works in mysterious ways
His wonders to perform
So we're going double digit
Which is way beyond the norm.
Our hands are full, our house is full,
Mom's belly will be full, too.
But there's still room inside our hearts,
For a baby fresh and new.
Rejoice with us!
Wee Little Babies
Be sure to plan at least four to six weeks off after the baby is born, even if it means
you have to start school in July. Your family needs a relaxed time to get acquainted with
the new bundle of joy, and you need daytime rest since the little wiggler might wake you up
all night. Take it easy during this time, and enjoy all of your children, not just your
newborn. One little mental snapshot that I tucked away in my memory is this: It was 10
PM on a Sunday night in July 1999. I was nursing Micah while my husband Thad went to
pick up my mom at the airport. I hadn’t had a chance to put Andrew to bed yet, so he was
sitting on the living room floor playing with a handful of Lego blocks. What made it such a
precious moment was that he was absolutely quiet (a rarity for a two year old boy!) and
every minute or so he would look up at me and beam such a radiant smile that I felt my
heart would melt right out of my body! He seemed so contented just to sit at my feet doing
something simple, enjoying my fellowship.
As the weeks go by, you will be able to ease back into your school routine again.
Tend to your baby's needs, such as nursing, burping, diapering, or cuddling, before each
school session. Otherwise, you'll have a tiny ticking time bomb! Nursing moments can
even be redeemed beyond the obvious opportunity for relaxation and bonding. You can
use this time to listen to your children read aloud or play verbal games. When I sat down
to feed a wee baby, I would often swivel my rocking chair to face our huge continent maps,
which completely covered our computer room walls for many years. Then I would ask the
children to find a country, such as Nepal, or all Europeans nations starting with F, or the
state to the north of California. I would also read home school books, listen to music, have
a quiet time, read my e-mail, edit books, or plan lessons in my head.
Speaking of nursing, I’ve always been a proponent of the “breast is best” philosophy,
and I still am! However, my last four babies had to start formula supplements as newborns
for medical reasons. I took this pretty hard at first, but then I recognized this as a gift from
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the Lord during such a busy season of life. Bottles gave me extra flexibility. There were
times when it was harder to nurse, like when I needed my hands free to teach school, when
we were driving around in the van, when we were in a public place, or when I had to be
away from them for a few hours. Bottled formula became a real sanity saver for us, once I
knocked the self-righteous chip off my shoulder! Yes, breast is still best, but a bottle will do
in a pinch.
A baby sling allows you to wear a baby or toddler on your chest. He might quiet
down and even fall asleep when cradled so close to your body, and you will have your
hands free for holding books, writing, etc. Newborns lie down, but older babies and
toddlers can sit up. Slings are also wonderful for field trips to places where you can't bring
strollers, or for discrete nursing. I used a sling for my last six babies, and highly
recommend them.
Another very helpful piece of baby equipment is an adjustable height reclining high
chair. We received one from my parents when our seventh baby was born in 1999, and
we’ve been using it ever since. It allows us to keep baby or toddler in the room with us, at
our own seated height, while we eat or do school. They love to watch us, and, compared to
an infant seat on the floor, it keeps them safer from being tripped over or having things
dropped on their heads! One evening while I was making dinner, Micah was sitting in the
chair. By rocking himself forward and back, he managed to scoot it all the way over to the
bookshelf and grab an encyclopedia. That was years ago, and he sure does love to read
now!
My other favorite piece of baby equipment, the bassinette, is one we didn’t discover
until our 10th baby. I could kick myself for not using one earlier! Not only did it fit
compactly next to my bed for easy night nursing, but we could roll it into the other rooms
and keep baby safely with us. The only drawback is that you can only use it for a few
months, but it was well worth the $40 we paid for ours. Several of our friends have
borrowed our bassinette since then, and they have all raved about how wonderful it is.
Work With Your Little Ones At Their Own Level
Education doesn't start when children turn five and enter kindergarten, but at birth.
We don't need to start them on formal “school” until they are ready, yet we should still
make definite plans and efforts toward age-appropriate mental growth. This is such a
crucial period for learning about the world around us. Remember how much time you
spent with your oldest child at this age? It was vital preparation for school. Introduce your
preschool child to numbers, letters, shapes, colors, animal sounds, music, Bible stories, etc.
Use books, pictures, games, cassette tapes, and hands-on experiences. Reading aloud is a
key activity at this stage.
When Mary was two or three years old, we had a pocket guide with about 50
common American birds. Somehow she managed to memorize the names of all of them by
looking at the pictures, which is a feat even I couldn't accomplish! Though she can't
remember many of them now, this activity was still quite valuable as a pre-reading skill
because it trained her to distinguish visual details and to use her auditory memory to recall
the names. When I would read aloud to her, she wanted the same books over and over.
After a while, she could recite long stories word for word as she saw the corresponding
illustrations. Of course, now she is an adult journalist, so this early memory training
seems to have paid off!
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Other concepts to teach very early on are obedience, gentleness, tidiness, and
quietness. It is not impossible to teach a toddler rules such as staying away from
schoolroom bookshelves. This takes persistence, but the more you follow through on your
instructions, the easier it will be. Just keep commands short and simple, using the same
phrases over and over from day to day. If you tell them not to do something, give them
positive alternative, such as, “Don't play with that video. Here's a board book.”
Communicate truths about life in very simple terms. From babyhood on, I always
ask our children, “Who loves you?” I answer for them, “Mommy loves you, Daddy loves
you, all your sisters and grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles love you. But Jesus
loves you most of all!” We go through the litany of: “God made the pretty flowers and the
green trees! God made apples for us to eat. God made bunny rabbits and kitty cats. And
God made you. He did such a good job!” Toddlers also love the “Where is your nose?
Where are your eyes?” game. Cause and effect are not beyond their grasp. One
preschooler insisted on taking her clean clothes into the shower with her. She quickly
learned that the consequence was wet clothes!
Young children also gain confidence from participating in their personal care
routines and simple household chores. Toilet training presents its own set of stresses and
rewards, yet how you react to “accidents” sets the tone for future learning experiences. To
be honest, our children were a little slow to learn potty training. I finally decided it wasn’t
worth the aggravation to push it before they were ready. Some of them were over three,
but when they did learn, there weren’t so many accidents, and I didn’t have to fuss.
Pay attention to motor skills and speech patterns. If your child lags behind, you will
need to spend one-on-one time to help him catch up. Our family had a very difficult time
understanding the speech of one of our daughters at the age of three. We knew that she
had an “output” problem and not a language processing disorder. After prayer, research,
and observation, we decided to bypass speech therapy for the time being, and instead
redouble efforts at communicating with her. We realized that she had gotten lost in the
shuffle of everyday conversations. One sister made a list of the troublesome sounds and
coached her on them. Thad and I helped her recite poetry and the Lord's Prayer, and
encouraged her to sing along with us. Her aunt, a speech therapy major, offered her
advice. Everyone made a point of complimenting her when she spoke clearly. In just six
months, her pronunciation had improved, she spoke in more complex sentences, and best
yet, she enjoyed talking! By her fifth birthday, she had only minor diction problems and
could read fluently. Now she is a very gabby teenager with no problems talking at all!
Include the Little Ones in School Time
Young children have keen antennas for both rejection and inclusion, so involve
them in school time whenever possible. Hold them on your lap when you read a book. Let
them scribble with crayons, squish with play dough, or swish with a paint brush during art.
Let them play with math manipulatives along with the others. If they show interest and
ability, provide a few fun preschool workbooks. They soak up so much information just by
watching and listening to you teach your older child, and they may shock you with their
abilities if you let them try things before the “normal” age.
There are exceptions to this advice on inclusion. At our house, math turned to chaos
because the two preschoolers made a predictable amount of noise and mess while the older
ones were trying hard to concentrate on their workbooks. I finally decided that those two
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had to play together in an adjoining room while the rest of us worked quietly for a half
hour. If we must do something that cannot be interrupted, such as a messy art project or
science experiment, we save it for nap time or for evening when Dad is home to help.
Your preschoolers can work on a simple educational task while you are teaching
your older ones. Get them started on this first, and then they are less likely to clamor for
attention. When they start getting restless, spend a little more time with them. Take a
snack break or send everyone outside for a few minutes. A spill-proof cup of juice or milk
can buy you a few quiet moments when you really need them.
Arrange Your Home for Safety
Children are not always very safe creatures. Is that an understatement or what?
When my son Andrew was little, he almost always had some sort of stick in his hands –
perhaps our brand new meter stick or the broom or a real branch from outside. He just
had the urge to poke and wave and otherwise endanger the safety and sanity of his siblings.
And then there was string: a shoelace (yes, from his own shoes, and no wonder it takes us
so long to get out the door), or his toy tape measure or maybe his sister’s kimono sash.
Whatever the form, he just wanted to either tie it to something (with lots of good strong
knots) or swing it wildly around. All the better if there was something hard tied to the end
so he could get some momentum going. I lost track of how many times I had to confiscate
the sticks and string. I’m still doing it with his little brothers, too!
All that aside, there are some things you can do to make your own home safer. Make
sure that you child proof the whole house and yard. When you least expect it, your younger
child could wander off and get into serious trouble while you are busy. Accidents happen
faster than you can blink. Most of them end up with just a bumped head or frightened
child, but you never know when the “big one” will change your life forever. What you can
do is prepare for and prevent needless accidents. Here are a few safety ideas:
♥ Teach older children to shut bedroom and bathroom doors every time.
♥ Secure all doors to the outside with child proof doorknob covers.
♥ Use a hinged safety gate, which swings open easily for adults.
♥ Secure a vented bi-fold closet door with ribbon ties high out of reach.
♥ Put forbidden items on a high shelf and hazardous items in a locked cabinet.
♥ Insert shock stop plugs in electrical outlets or install a spring-loaded cover.
♥ Remove small items that your child might choke on.
Set Up a Play Space Stocked with Interesting Toys
If young children have a place to call their own, they will feel more welcome and
they won't bother others as much. Rotate your supply of school time diversions often to
keep them interesting. Here are some quiet, tidy options: child-size table and chair, felt
shapes, blocks or building sets, Cuisenaire materials (rods, pattern blocks, snap cubes,
etc.), pegboard, big beads and lacing cards, matching games, dress up clothes, stuffed
animals and dolls, coloring books and crayons, board books and tactile books, sturdy
puzzles, stacking cups, play house with kitchen equipment and plastic food, educational
videos, preschool computer software.
Teaching your tiny ones to clean up after play time will save you hours of nagging in
the years to come. To make this easy, give them low shelves and plastic bins to put away
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toys and books. Don't allow them to have out more than one set of toys at a time; for
example, they must put away the basket of dress-up clothes before they get a puzzle out.
Recruit Your Older Children to Help
An older sibling can play with younger ones or read them a story while you are
working with another child. Many children find it fun to teach preschool concepts to their
younger siblings, and it helps solidify their own knowledge while they teach. If you have a
few school age children, consider setting up a regular routine of “shifts” so each one can
take a turn being the teacher for half an hour. Even a mature preschooler can help
entertain a toddler in a safe enclosed room for brief intervals. Siblings get excellent
opportunities to practice relating to each other in mutual cooperation and servant
leadership. My teenage daughter Joanna helped four year old Ben start learning to read
with a Dick and Jane book. Several days later I was shocked when he started reading
stories from it to me! I never gave him any formal phonics lessons, other than teaching
him letter sounds.
Our children love babies. When we had tiny ones, they would snatch them from the
crib and carry them around the house every chance they got. The girls once told me they
would never go to public school because they would just die without their little sweeties!
Home schooling has made such a relationship possible.
When our babies just won’t settle down by themselves, we play “pass the baby.”
Any spare pair of arms can get called into duty! While I’ve gotten good about balancing a
baby on my lap, it is much easier to read aloud or tutor math if someone else will take him
or her for ten or fifteen minutes. When they get tired, another sibling gets a turn. It’s not
uncommon for a big sister to be curled up on the couch with a baby and a book while I
work on something else.
One word of caution: do not expect your older children, unless they are mature
teenagers, to supervise tots in an unsafe environment, such as near a busy street, in the
woods, or close to a pool or pond. You are courting danger if you think that since your
elementary-age children are home schooled, they are automatically mature enough to keep
younger ones out of trouble. The older child could get distracted, or may not discern
trouble. The smaller sibling may also simply be too fast, strong, or persistent. Don't risk it!
When your older children are in middle school or high school, they may appreciate
taking a pediatric CPR / First Aid class to prepare them for babysitting younger siblings
while you are away from the house. This is great training for when they get paying
babysitting jobs too!
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Trade Off Child Care for Field Trips
Field trips often have age restrictions which prohibit bringing along preschool
siblings. Perhaps you can trade off babysitting with another mom in your support group.
One mom watches the younger children while the other mom takes the older children on
the field trip.
Dads, grandparents, or other relatives may also volunteer to chaperone your older
children to cultural events, such as concerts and plays, which would not be enjoyable for
preschoolers.
Enjoy Your Little Ones While You Can!
I occasionally write notes about my children in one of my notebooks. It is fun to see

how they have changed, and they get a big kick out of me reading their “histories” to them.
Here is one of their favorite stories. When Mary and Julia were three and almost two, I lay
sick in bed nursing newborn Rachel. As I read a Christian parenting magazine, I marveled
at my sweet little girls who weren't bothering Mommy. Then hysterical giggling tipped me
off to trouble. Little did I know that they had been downstairs in the kitchen, dumping a
gallon of milk all over the chairs and floor, and tossing cereal, crayon wrappers, and toys
into the flood. As they grew up, when I was sick, these same daughters would entertain the
little ones, fix lunch, make get well cards, and tidy the house. Praise be to God! They do
grow up!
Here’s another tale: I rushed around getting ready for a baby shower, and then when
I went to put on some clean non-Mommy clothes, I discovered that my bedroom was wall-
papered with a whole bag of sanitary pads. I knew I couldn't be the only mom in this boat,
so as an icebreaker at the shower, I asked each mom to describe some silly antic committed
by their children. Soon we were all roaring in laughter! What mother hasn't found a child
with scissors behind his back and a hunk of hair on the floor? How about toothbrushes in
the toilet or melted crayon all over the clothes in the dryer? Little ones can be a constant
source of humor. One time I snapped, “You drive me bananas!” at one of my preschoolers.
With perfect aplomb, she retorted, “Well, you drive me strawberries!”
Our family often takes a walk around the block. Our preschooler trots along behind
his sisters, giggling all the way, but he also stops several times, fascinated by sand, rocks,
and scolding blue jays. The look of wonder on his face is a priceless memory. Children
enable us to see God's creation freshly.
Fresh? Well, sometimes our children are anything but! At times the sights, sounds
and smells of little ones turn even a devoted Mommy off. Stick him in the tub to get him
squeaky clean. Put on his cutest clothes. Then sit down to cuddle and play, sing a sweet
song and nuzzle in his soft hair. Your little one needs it and so do you.
~*~
Fall in love with your small children all over again. It is their birthright. Children
are a blessing, whether we have many or few. Love, nurture, protect, and train them to the
best of your ability as a faithful steward over the most precious of all God's creation.
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Part 3:
Living, Loving and Learning
from a Mother’s Heart
In Search of Sanity
The Hallmarks of a Gentle Spirit
Abide in Christ
Your Support Network
Building the Family Home
Cherishing Your Marriage
The Home Schooled Mom
To be honest, this is really the core of the book. I’ve just been easing
you into it slowly… The farther I travel the home school journey,
the more I realize how important it for me to have a nurtured heart
to not only survive the daily stresses, but to grow in my own
spiritual life. Home schooling becomes a way in which God changes
me into his image, and that is good news! It also becomes a way to
build my family as I learn to love my husband and children from the
heart.
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IN SEARCH OF SANITY
Home school is many things, but utopia is definitely not one of them. Some folks
think it's the next coziest thing to sipping hot cocoa in front of the fireplace, but the most
common reaction I get from moms who don’t home school is: “I've got to give you credit. I
wouldn't have the patience for it.” I have news for those ladies. I certainly don't have great
gobs of natural patience either, but we do it anyway. I am going on faith that God is going
to build in our family, little by little, all of the character qualities it takes to be successful.
When time get rough (and they do), that is what not only carries me through, but allows
me to stay enthusiastic about the blessing of our home school.
Believe me, bad things will happen. I could rattle off dozens of examples from our
own family in recent years. Some merely annoy or inconvenience us, but others cause a
deep ache because no end is in sight or because we keenly see our own inadequacy of
character. Whether the future looks bleak or you just feel the heat of daily hassles, rest
assured that you are not alone in your struggles. May I share just two of our experiences?
The Monday Morning Blues
One Monday morning in 1995, our school day got off to a particularly sour start. We
were all grumpy, the girls were being uncooperative, and I was discouraged! Our unit
study theme was The Life and Times of Jesus, but I felt that if I had the audacity to teach
this when we were all in such negative moods that the girls would come away with a bad
taste for “religion.” Things calmed down when the younger girls took afternoon naps, so I
decided to try again. Mary and I had quite a good discussion while Julia, who said she
wasn't interested, floated in and out. Finally, Julia came over and asked, “Mom, what are
you are talking to Mary about? Can you explain it to me?” She sat down as I read the
Scriptures again and told her what they meant: Jesus is the only way that we can get to God
the Father and the only way to go to heaven. Julia responded, “Can I ask Jesus into my
heart now, Mommy?” I was floored!
We had been through the salvation message so many times with all the girls, but on
the day when I least expected it, she wanted to act on it. I prodded her, “Are you sure you
understand, honey? Let's go over it again.” We discussed it a little more, and then she
prayed to Jesus to forgive her sins, make her a new person, and help her grow as a
Christian. Mary decided that though she had done so before, she would pray just so she
could have a time to remember for sure. I will always remember September 17, 1995, as
the day the Devil fought to keep me from sharing the gospel. By God's grace I persevered
and won. Press on, sisters, because “your labor for the Lord is not in vain” (1
Corinthians 15:58).
The Slump of Slumps
“If I was a quitter, this is when I would QUIT!!!!” This once came from me during a
deep month-long slump when I had five children under the age of nine. I was struggling
with how to walk in joy and peace in the midst of chaos. Our whole family was plagued
with lingering illness. Fever and congestion tormented me on and off for weeks on end, so
fellowship with others was non-existent. Daddy worked long hours on frustrating projects.
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I was on edge about ovarian cancer tests and freaky hormones. While I was out of
commission, the children squabbled, misbehaved, and balked at helping out. Housework
fell by the wayside. The toddler learned to climb out of her crib and needed to move out of
our bedroom into her own room. As a result, we suddenly had to move school into our
dining room and rearrange the rest of the house. Tension mounted high. I was tempted to
yell all day -- that is, when I wasn't wiped out in bed!
I was fed up with trying to run the whole thing on my own efforts and energy. How
ridiculous! If these kids were going to be part of my school, well, they'd better shape up
their act! I threatened to quit and send them to school, which shook them up. I would
never have the heart to do that because we have strong convictions and a commitment to
home schooling which have always outlasted the temporary tough times. Quitting sure
seems attractive at times, though! The next best thing seemed to be a manifesto. If teacher
unions can make demands about working conditions, I reckon that I’m entitled to a few of
my own. I set to work on a list of “the way things are just going to have to be if this whole
project is going to fly.” I resolved that my children have to pitch in and help get the job
done with regular chores. No more whining or gross chatter! No more fussing about
school assignments! No more cereal still stuck to the floor at dinnertime! No more raiding
the refrigerator during school hours! No more coming to the school table in pajamas and
uncombed hair!
This was a pivotal time for me as the Biblical phrase, “Let everything be done
decently and in order” (1 Corinthians 14:40), suddenly gained new relevance in the
home school arena. I asked myself, “If I paid another mom to teach my children in her
home, what reasonable expectations would I have for the learning environment and
academic progress?” and “Why should it be any different here?”
Like any effective organization, my family needs basic policies and procedures for
the way we do things in our home, school, and relationships with one another. Thanks to a
little adversity and fresh resolve, we set out on the road to making this happen -- though
more than a decade later we are still quite a hike from our final destination!
My cheerfulness and health returned eventually, yet looking back, I thank God for
that “dark night of the soul.” Yes, it was terribly unpleasant at the time. Worst of all, I
often neglected prayer, Scripture, and edifying language. Yet I was humbled to learn how
small I am compared to a Sovereign God. I gained a whole new sensitivity to other
struggling moms, and at the same time found myself surrounded by dear Christian sisters
who prayed for me and offered practical help. Later, I wrote an article on surviving
burnout for our support group newsletter, and many ladies told me that this particular
article ministered encouragement to them at just the right time. Since that time, I have
seen much progress in our school, homemaking, and family life. Don't give up, sisters! In
the grace of God, there are things you can do to improve your situation.
Ditching Out or Climbing Out of the Ditch
When you are battling a slump, it is tempting to either lie there in the ditch or to bail
out and give up your dreams. You might think, “What's the use? I'm failing at this home
schooling stuff. I'm tired, frustrated, and burned out. The house is a mess. The kids are
driving me nuts and we're behind in our school work!”
Are your convictions being tested? How firm is your commitment to home
schooling? Maybe you started just because it looked interesting or your friends were doing
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it. If your motivation, methods or standards are based merely on someone else's
precedent, you need to seek the Lord to see what he wants you to do and how he wants you
to do it. You are accountable to him, so he will give you the wisdom you need.
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make
your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously
to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5
Undeniably, there are down times in home schooling when we feel we have no
strength or resources to sustain us. It sometimes takes a while before we come to our
senses, lean harder on the Lord, and find him to be truly sufficient after all. However, it is
not at all unspiritual to feel low once in a while. Think about the book of Lamentations or
all the Psalms which start with a “woe is me” mood. As Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us, there
is: “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”
In Matthew 5:3-4, Jesus teaches that: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is
the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be
comforted.”
Home school moms often mourn at the lack of progress in their children. We want
so much to disciple them into whole-hearted, hardworking, godly, intelligent adults, but
the set backs are discouraging. The same Apostle Paul who penned, “Rejoice in the
Lord always,” was also grieved, frustrated, and distressed as he viewed the behavior of
those he was trying to reach for God or as he struggled with his own inadequacies (see
Romans 9:2; 2 Corinthians 1:8-11; 4:7-10; 11:28,29 and Philippians 3:18). On occasion, he
even brought sorrow to other people!
“Even if I caused your sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I

did regret it - I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while -
yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because
your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God
intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow
brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but
worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has
produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear
yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what
concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have
proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.” 2 Corinthians 7:8-11
Worldly sorrow manifests itself in pity parties, false guilt, spiraling despair,
bitterness, endless introspection, etc. It leads us toward death, robs us of spiritual joy, and
ruins our relationships. On the other hand, godly sorrow brings us to repentance,
reconciliation, and ultimately joy. In Luke 18:9-14, it wasn't the “thankful” Pharisee who
was commended, but the contrite tax collector who beat his chest and wailed, “God have
mercy on me, a sinner.” Likewise, godly sorrow makes us throw ourselves on God's
mercy. It prompts us to take a hard and sober look at our circumstances to see how we
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have fallen short and what action we can take for serious and lasting improvement. In
these situations, James 4:7-10 commands us: “Submit yourselves, then, to God.
Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come
near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you
double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to
mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and
he will lift you up.”
When the Lord sends low points into our lives, he doesn't intend for us to stay there
forever. It's just for a period of time, though it seems long to us. After we humbly
acknowledge his holiness and our weakness, his purpose is to lift us up and restore us!
“Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his
anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may
remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning... You turned
my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me
with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my
God, I will give you thanks forever.” Psalm 30:4-5, 11-12
To those of you who struggle with your emotions, may I offer a heartfelt confession?
I have shed many tears of doubt and confusion. Can the Heavenly Father really transform
my life and shepherd my children past my mistakes? I often wonder what secret key will
make it all come together in a neat package, but I suspect it's a matter of patient endurance
and trust. Progress doesn't come all at once. I need to live by faith in the Almighty, not by
the sorry sight of my own shortcomings (see 2 Corinthians 5:1-7). I also need constant
encouragement! My sisters in Christ have often poured out a healing balm of mercy,
consolation, and prayer. The loving intercession of a church prayer team has comforted
me. Going to church every week has also been a boost. A few times I have had to drag
myself to a service, not feeling like worshipping, yet God has met me there with a special
sermon or song to renew me.
If you wrestle with yourself like I do, please don't go through this trial-by-fire alone.
If you don't find any relief from depression, anger, or other destructive patterns, do not be
afraid to get help. Don't be so concerned about your “home school mom” image that you
allow your hurts to fester. Carefully work through these issues with your husband, an
experienced home school mom, an older “Titus 2” mentor, or a godly pastor who is
supportive of home schooling and your other convictions about family life.
Taking Control of Your Thoughts
Our attitudes are largely a matter of choice. When it comes to dwelling on

unhealthy thoughts, the Devil may prompt you, but he can't “make you do it.” If you are a
Christian, you have the authority as a daughter of the King to “take captive every
thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).
Suppose a dangerous criminal has escaped from a nearby prison and is lurking in
your neighborhood with a pistol in her purse. She looks innocent enough when she knocks
on your door and asks to use your phone, but fortunately you just saw her mug shot on the
evening news. Instead of opening the door and inviting her in, you dial the police, who haul
her back to the slammer in their squad car. You would not even think of harboring a
fugitive like that in your home! We should likewise be on guard against allowing
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destructive thoughts to linger in our minds. They may seem innocent enough, as angels of
light, but their “mug shots” are clearly displayed in the Scriptures. We may freely call on
Christ Jesus to banish them from our lives and spare us from untold hazards. So what
thoughts should you invite in? Meditate on lovely and pure thoughts which glorify God.
These “guests” should be entertained continuously! Here are a few ideas which have
helped me.
Shield Yourself from Satan’s Hateful Bombardments with God’s

Protective Promises: Many years ago our family visited St. Augustine, which is the
oldest continuously inhabited city in the United States. It has been under Spanish, British
and American control at various parts of its colorful history. One thing that interested me
about the Castillo de San Marcos was when the guide related that during a bombardment,
the British attackers, situated on an island across the river, had to aim their cannons
continuously at the same spot to have any hope of breaking through the tough plaster-
covered coquina. Once they broke through the white plaster, the darker bare spot became
their visible target. Fortunately for the Spanish, the British would cease firing at night so
they could rest. Then the Spanish, under cover of darkness, would scale their own fort’s
walls and apply new plaster, making the weak spot disappear. The British eventually gave
up! It struck me (pardon the pun) that we all have weak spots spiritually. Those who have
received forgiveness from God, through trusting in the death and resurrection of Jesus, are
covered with his righteousness. But sometimes it seems that a hypocritical hole is blown
right through our faith. Rather than wallow in guilt and let Satan keep taking fire at our
vulnerable areas, we need to daily be re-covered and hidden in Christ’s protecting grace.
Our enemy is a liar who came to steal, kill and destroy. He is always accusing us! But we
don’t have to listen to him!
SATAN’S HATEFUL BOMBARDMENTS
 I am, and always will be, a failure as a mom.

 My children are going to be failures.
 I’ve already blown it too bad.
 My life is out of control.
 There is no way out of this chaos.
 My circumstances are just too hard.
 My problems are going to ruin me.
 I am the only one who is struggling like this.
 God must not love me anymore.
 God isn’t taking care of me.
 There is no hope.
 I can’t do it.
GOD’S PROTECTIVE PROMISES
♥ There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Conviction yes,
condemnation no!)
♥ The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.
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♥ You did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear.
♥ You received the Spirit of sonship so you can call God “Abba” (Daddy).
♥ You are a co-heir of Christ’s glory if you share in his sufferings.
♥ Your present sufferings are not worth comparing with this great glory.
♥ The Spirit helps you in your weakness by interceding for you.
♥ In all things God works for your good because you love him.
♥ You have been called according to his purpose -- he has a plan for you!
♥ If God is for you (and he is), who can be against you?
♥ He will graciously give you all the things you need.
♥ God justifies you, so no one can condemn you.
♥ Jesus is at the right hand of God interceding for you.
♥ You are more than a conqueror in Christ!
♥ Nothing, no NOTHING, shall separate you from the love of Christ.
All of these promises from Romans 8 are for those who have placed their trust in the
saving power of Christ Jesus. If you already know him, PRAISE HIM! And if you haven’t
yet experienced the joy of personally knowing Christ, won’t you take some time right now
and talk to him about it?
Make a Sanity File. If you find yourself plagued in a certain area such as fear,
doubt, or anger, write out Bible verses on their positive counterparts: hope, trust, peace,
etc. Organize these in your quiet time notebook, small photo album, or index box, and
keep it ready to grab in stressful times. When the dastardly mood strikes, you can fight
back with Scriptures, just like Jesus did when he was tempted by Satan. As I have said
before, we must claim God's promises by faith, even when our eyes don't see an immediate
victory. Here are a few topical Scriptures for your Sanity File:
♥ Spiritual Warfare and Victory: Joshua 1:8-9 / Psalm 3:3-8; 6:1-5; 51:10-17
/ Zechariah 4:6 / Nehemiah 8:10 / Luke 10:17-20 / 1 Corinthians 10:12, 13 / 2
Corinthians 1:3-7-11 & 10:4-5 / Ephesians 6:10-12, 14-18a / 2 Thessalonians 3:3-
5 / 1 John 4:4; 5:5 / 2 Peter 1:3-4 / Revelation 12:10-12
♥ Comfort and Peace: Psalm 23 / Psalm 30:5,11,12 / Psalm 37:3-9 / Psalm 62:1-
2, 8 / Psalm 131 / Psalm 145:8-10, 13b-14 / Isaiah 40:8, 11, 30-31 / Isaiah 41:10 /
Isaiah 42:3-4a / Isaiah 43:1b-31a, 18-19 / Matthew 11:28-30 / Romans 8:28,
37-39 / Ephesians 1:3-4, 7-8 / Ephesians 3:20-21 / Hebrews 4:15-16 / James
1:2-5 / 1 Peter 5:6-7 / Jude 24
♥ Consecration and Service: Matthew 5:14-16 / Matthew 20:26-28 / John
13:14-17 / Romans 10:14-15 / Romans 12:1-2 / 1 Corinthians 9:12-23 & 15:56-58
♥ Loving Relationships: Psalm 133 / Romans 12:9-18, 21 / Romans 15:1-3, 5-7
/ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a / Galatians 5:22-23 / Ephesians 4:2-3, 29, 32 /
Ephesians 5:19-22 / Philippians 2:1-4 / Colossians 3:12-14 / Titus 2:3-5 / James
1:19-21
Dwell in God's forgiveness. When you do blow it, don't pile yourself under guilt
or discouragement. God’s grace can wash away the foulest attitudes. If you have offended
anyone with your actions and attitudes, make sure that you apologize promptly and
sincerely, ask for forgiveness, and affirm your care. Unresolved conflict is a major stress
factor in any family. As home school families, we are even more vulnerable because we are
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around each other more. There is so much opportunity for Christian growth as we learn to
extend grace to one another.
Monitor the input to your thought banks. Evaluate your choices of books,
magazines, newspapers, music, TV, radio programs, movies and even personal
relationships. How do these set the tone for your day? Does what you read, view, and hear
encourage or undermine your goals for a wholesome learning environment? Garbage in,
garbage out!
Focus on success. We probably do 95% of everything quite adequately, but it is
the 5% “failure” rate that we concentrate on. When it seems like home schooling is too
hard or that you aren't accomplishing anything, take stock of what you have done. You will
find that you have taken many of your achievements for granted. As you think about a
realistic view of an institutional classroom (busy work, high student-teacher ratio,
objectionable curriculum, etc.), you will see what a blessing it is to have your children at
home. Remember that progress is not always immediately visible. Give it time!
Replace fault finding with good seeking. Keep a keen eye out for any small
success, and play it up! Praise specific positive behaviors or efforts:
 “Wow, Emily, you just read a whole page by yourself! Good job!”
 “Rob, I'm really impressed that you chose to do physics first this morning. I
know it's challenging for you!”
 “Bekah, I'm so pleased that you were gracious when Andy was rude!”
 “Pete, I know that you got the final answer wrong, but you did the first three
steps just right! It's only those two digits that got switched.”
Learn to laugh. It's good medicine! Think of how Christian authors Barbara
Johnson (Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy) and Patsy Clairmont (God
Uses Cracked Pots) console and amuse their readers: by finding a little bit of humor in
almost every hassle and inconsistency of life. Many times, a tense child can be coaxed back
to calmness with a humorous approach to the situation. For example, if a child is annoyed
because he can't find his school work, put on your best dramatic voice, and announce a
mystery to be solved: “The Notorious Case of the Missing Math Book.” Then get out your
magnifying glass and prowl around the house like a detective.
Think of others who are less fortunate. When you are tempted to throw a pity
party, think about the suffering saints through the ages (that's what home school history
class is good for!) or about Christians who still endure dire situations. How often I have
taken my daily comforts for granted, forgetting those who are being tortured and killed for
their faith all around the world! It still happens! No inconveniences or interruptions I
have can even compare. For example, Corrie and Betsie ten Boom were imprisoned in a
Nazi concentration camp for the crime of providing hidden refuge for Jews in their Dutch
home. They learned the secret of rejoicing in each situation that God brought them into,
even throughout deep suffering. Though her sister Betsie perished, Corrie continued her
life of sacrificial ministry worldwide for another thirty years. Let her stories, found in The
Hiding Place and other books, inspire and encourage you.
Beyond merely thinking of suffering people, go a step further and do something to
help. Serving others gets our minds off our own troubles and helps us be thankful for what
we have. By blessing others, we too are blessed. Also, through community service, our
children learn the lessons of love. What you are able to do depends on your family
situation (time, finances, children's needs, etc.) but here is a sampler of good deeds your
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family can do in a few hours with less than $25:
 take a box of baby things to a crisis pregnancy center
 serve a meal at a homeless center or work in the church food pantry
 baby sit, cook, or clean house for a sick friend
 visit a nursing home or invite a lonely person over for a meal
 buy a child's Christmas gift for Prison Fellowship's Angel Tree program
 wield a hammer or paint brush for Habitat for Humanity
 assemble a care package for missionaries
I have always been encouraged by Isaiah 58:6-12, where the Lord promises that
those who serve the disadvantaged and satisfy the needs of the oppressed will receive God's
light, healing, presence, protection, guidance, reputation, strength, refreshment, and
answers to prayer. What more could we ask for?
See circumstances through God's eyes. The limitations which seem to
constrict you are actually either challenges to hurdle or channels to follow. If they are
challenges to hurdle, don't let them beat you down or discourage you from accomplishing
your God-given priorities. Go on in his overcoming power! On the other hand, if you sense
that the Lord has graciously allowed these particular limitations to channel your life, think
of how a river bank restricts the flow of water so that it goes where it is supposed to. For
example, if you can't afford a fancy curriculum, this may be God's nudge to turn your
creativity toward a low-cost alternative. If you are a one car family, this can help you focus
your energy on home-based pursuits instead of running around town. If your dining room
doubles as a school room, you have extra incentive to clean up messes promptly. If your
TV breaks, this can force your children to be more resourceful with their recreation. There
is always a reason, though it may not be revealed until eternity. God can work all things
together for the good of those who love him in order to transform us into the likeness of
Jesus (Romans 8:28-30).
Read a good book. There are so many good books out there to encourage frazzled
moms! Here are a few that I like:
 A Mom Just Like You: The Home Schooling Mother by Vickie and
Jayme Farris
 Help for the Harried Homeschooler by Christine Field
 She’s Gonna Blow: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger by Julie
Ann Barnhill
 Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit by Teri Maxell
(www.Titus2.com)
Truth and Grace in the Stories of Our Lives
It could be that your sanity is tested by painful memories from the past. I am not at
all a fan of “therapeutic psychology” but I do see the value in dealing with any emotional
baggage that is continuing to trip us up. It is not just going to go away by itself, but neither
are you powerless to deal with it. I’ve always said that God is in control, that he is
Sovereign. Now it’s sinking in a little deeper, a little richer, a little more personally, as he is
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illuminating a fresh way to renew my mind. If you are like me, you have a Life Story with
countless chapters, and more than a few of them swirl up your soul with confusion, fear,
guilt, or bitterness.
“What if?”
“If only…”
“Why, God, why?”
These are compelling questions, to be sure, but what are the answers? I am learning
to reinterpret the experiences of my life by searching out evidences of God’s truth and his
grace in each situation, whether past or present. In his Awesome Providence, he has a
plan for my life, and that includes the bumps and bruises along with way. So: truth and
grace! What do I mean?
Truth: What actually happened (or is currently happening), apart from how I have
perceived it? This requires a little objectivity because our feelings can be so deceptive!
What details would someone else add to the story? This could either be someone who was
involved in the situation, or a mature, trustworthy friend or pastoral counselor. Now,
what would the Bible say about what has happened? I have to be careful not to pick out an
isolated verse, but instead seek out the “whole counsel of Scripture” as various passages
round out the picture. It also helps to use Biblical terminology rather than pop-psychology
jargon. Truth requires acknowledging my own contribution to the problem rather than
merely blaming someone else. After all, if my sin is part of the problem, there is hope:
since the circumstances are not entirely out of my sphere of influence, then I can repent
and become a part of the solution, too. Another question: What truth did I learn from (and
about) the Lord in this situation, and what does he still wants me to grasp even now?
Grace: How has God poured out his mercy and forgiveness on me during this time,
even though I may not have recognized it or appreciated it yet? How has he used a
proverbial “brick wall” (a blocked opportunity) to channel my life in a new direction? How
has he brought about spiritual growth? How have I learned to lean harder on him, rather
than rely on my own self-effort? How has he provided other people to bring
encouragement, comfort and truth to me? How can I experience his grace and liberty
freshly, even if much time has passed? How can I find a release from my bitterness
through forgiving others? How can I overcome evil with good, and respond to an insult
with a hearty blessing? How am I to extend this healing balm of grace to others who might
be suffering as I have?
If you have been through a troublesome time that still weighs heavily on you, or if
you are still rehashing uncomfortable details and feelings, you may have been encouraged
just to forget it all and pretend it didn’t happen. That’s a nice thought, but it isn’t always
possible or healthy to suppress painful memories. I believe that we can reinterpret our life
stories and thus release the bitterness, confusion, guilt, or fear from our minds without
necessarily forgetting what happened. Then we can look back on the very same story with
joy and gratitude over what God has done for us. This will enable us to move on in life with
confidence that he will still be with us, working his quiet wonders! Back to the Genesis
story of Joseph and his spiteful brothers: No matter what he had suffered as the
consequences of his brothers’ jealous hatred, he could say to them, “You meant it for evil,
but God meant it for good.” He saw the providence of God in bringing him through slavery
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and prison to a position of power where he could preserve the lives of entire nations
throughout a famine.
Try this little exercise. Pick a chapter from your life story that still bothers you –
maybe not a big hairy one this first time, but something manageable. Ask the Holy Spirit
to guide you as you take time to evaluate it from a fresh perspective of truth and grace.
(You can use the Truth and Grace questions above as a launching point.) Write your
thoughts down if you can, and don’t rush through it. If you kept a journal during this time
(which I highly recommend!) then read through it carefully to glean insight. If you need
the perspective of someone else involved, ask for it if you can do so without undue conflict.
After you have your thoughts organized in your head or on paper, start summarizing the
key points. Now, write out a short “Authorized Version” – the “Grace And Truth Edition”
of the story -- that you can quickly recall whenever this memory comes to mind again. I
like to use the acronym GATE for “Grace And Truth Edition” because a gate is usually
attached to a fence, which is a boundary designed to keep things and people secure. You
can go in and out of a fenced area safely by walking through an open gate and staying on
the path. Likewise, the Grace And Truth Edition of your story allows you to revisit your
past on the Path of Providence, rather than veering off into destructive thorn bush thought
patterns again. We must continually discipline our minds toward true and wholesome
thinking, even after we know how. This is not a one shot deal, but the spiritual warfare of
taking our thoughts captive to Christ Jesus, as we learned about earlier in this chapter.
I know how easy it is to be plagued with fear and confusion about what will happen
in the days and years to come, whether with my health, children, marriage, home
schooling, ministry, finances, and whatever else touches so close to my heart. I want to be
able to look forward in faith and confidence. And I can, because “I don’t know what the
future holds, but I know who holds the future!” God is great and God is good! I can trust
His truth and grace!
The Spirit is Willing but the Flesh is Weak
Are you just plain tired? I’m with you, honey! One evening at bedtime, my
kindergartner asked me if I could read her a story book. I declined, reminding her of how
many books I had already read to her that day. So she countered, “Well, how about if you
make up a story from your head?” I told her I was way too tired for that. Not giving up,
she had another suggestion: “Well, maybe you could just sleep-talk the story!” Truth be
told, some days I feel like I am sleep-talk teaching!
Home schooling is a high energy occupation, but at times we feel so physically weak
that it's hard to give it our all. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians
6:19), so working toward optimal health enables us to serve God more effectively. It is
quite common for women to experience temporary bouts of fatigue, depression, irritation,
and general malaise. Often this makes us feel guilty because we automatically think it
indicates spiritual or relational dysfunction. Not so! Your body can trigger many of these
feelings too. Consider such health factors as nutrition, sleep patterns, vision, muscle/bone
strength and alignment, chemical substance use (prescriptions, drugs, alcohol, nicotine,
caffeine, and food additives), illness, disease, allergies, genetic history, hormone function,
and the physical demands of menstruation, childbearing, and menopause. We must think
holistically and practically about body, mind, and spirit. Problems don't always just go
away; we must deal with them through personal research, consultation with health
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caregivers, and positive action.
As I entered middle age, I had to find the balance between making peace with my
changing body, and figuring out what to do to improve my health. For example, at age 40,
my eyesight started to decline. I still don’t have to wear prescription glasses, but I’ve
gotten to the point where I can’t read without an inexpensive pair of reading glasses. I
keep several pairs around the house so I can find them when I need them. Every time I put
them on, it’s a reminder that I’m getting older. I’m OK with that now. I know I’m not
alone. But there are other things I can be more proactive about, like my diet and my
energy level. My diet is an uncomfortable topic for me right now. I know I need to eat
healthier food, and I’m trying to make changes here and there, but it’s hard. It’s easier to
pop a few frozen pizzas in the oven for lunch, but my kids are teaching me to take the extra
few minutes and warm up some tortillas filled with black beans, onions and cheese. They
also offer me some fresh sliced apples or a big glass of water. Maybe they want to keep me
around for a little while?
If you find food choices to be confusing or your problems are severe, seek
professional nutritional counseling. You may be reacting to ingredients in overly processed
foods or medications. Choose a healthier menu, including lots of whole grains, fiber,
vegetables and fruit. Start cutting back on products which are high in sugar, fat, caffeine,
sodium, cholesterol, MSG, etc. Keep healthy snacks, not junk food, on hand. An
occasional sweet treat can lift everyone's spirits, as long as it is balanced with a sensible
everyday diet. You may wish a book such as The Smart Weigh by Pamela Smith, a
Christian nutritionist with a very balanced perspective on health and nutrition.
The way you move can affect your state of mind. When you are stressed out, move
gracefully, slowly, and quietly. When you are feeling sluggish, then try to move briskly,
confidently, and productively. Take a walk around the block or in a nearby park. If you
have a hard time getting motivated for this, just promise your children that you will all take
a walk every day. They will probably hold you to your word, just for the chance to get
outside. If you have several children, perhaps the older ones can ride bikes around the
block while you push a baby in the stroller. The children need exercise for P.E., and it can
help them settle down for more quiet work.
Our family recently joined the YMCA. We all enjoy swimming in the pool. Our
youngest children enjoy playing in the child development room during the time when my
teenagers and I are using the cardio and weight equipment. We need the aerobic exercise!
This YMCA is a non-profit organization dedicated to the community, so if you feel like you
can’t afford a membership, apply for a scholarship, which might be up to half of the total
amount.
When you wake up in the morning feeling ill or drained, it is tempting to act like a
vegetable and put life on automatic pilot. Before you know it, the house is a mess, the
children are hyper and disobedient, and your tension rises to fever pitch. If at all possible,
stay on top of the household situation and your basic daily routine from the very start, even
if you must supervise from the couch. Explain to your children how much more you need
their cooperation when you are not feeling well. If they can work independently or
supervise little ones, you may still get a chance for a snooze.
Speaking of snoozing, a good night’s sleep is so important for home school moms!
The times when I stay up late, I really pay for it the next morning. I get grumpy, and this
leads to time-wasting conflicts with the children. It’s just not worth it. As we are reminded
in Psalm 127:2, “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat --
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for he grants sleep to those he loves.” Don’t cheat yourself out of God’s replenishing
gift of sleep! If sleep is a problem for you, consider these suggestions which have been
very helpful to me:
 Arrange for a “desperation nap” during the day – everyone must be quiet!
 Don’t use the computer or watch TV before going to bed.
 Don’t talk about tense issues before going to sleep.
 Take two non-prescription sleeping pills (such as Tylenol PM) on nights when it
is particularly crucial to get a good night’s sleep.
Even if you suffer from ongoing health problems, remember the Apostle Paul, who
had some sort of physical affliction which he called “a thorn in my flesh.” When he
pleaded for God to remove it, the Lord replied, “My grace is sufficient for you, for
my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). I personally know
home school moms who battle chronic disabling illnesses, and I have heard tales of women
who teach from their sick beds. As they provide us with a precious opportunity for service,
their persistence also testifies mightily to the overcoming power of the Lord working in
them. That same power is available to us, whether our own afflictions are great or small.
The Transitions of Life
Just when it seems like you have home schooling all figured out, everything
changes! Beyond the normal challenges of our children growing up, there are some other
specific transitional challenges that we can face as home school moms. These might
include pregnancy, the birth of a new baby, miscarriage, our own health issues, moving to a
new home or a new community, taking care of aging parents or chronically ill children,
grieving a death in the family, surviving a church split, switching support groups, taking on
leadership in a home school organization, laying aside outside activities to focus more on
the home, going through menopause, marital crisis or divorce, a wayward child, or any
other number of circumstances that try our souls.
Have you ever taken one of those profile tests which gauge your stress risk based on
how many life changes you have undergone in a one year period? Do you ever feel like you
are off the charts? I do! In 1997, Thad’s dad died of a sudden massive heart attack, our
son Andrew was born (with a small hole in his heart), Thad had to close down the family
business and find a new job, his mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, and we started the
school year with a new kindergartner. In 2003, it we did it all over again when we had our
son Benjamin, Thad laid aside his full-time paying job to care for his mother who died of
lung cancer that year, and he took on the care of a psychiatrically disabled sister. Both
years were completely tumultuous, but by the grace of God, we survived. Several factors
helped us keep our heads together throughout the extreme upheaval. We have faith that
God is good and that he will take care of our needs and comfort us in sorrow. That is the
most profound security! Thad and I learned to cooperate more to get everything done and
to support each other emotionally. Friends and family pitched in with meals, baby sitting,
bags of children’s clothes, and lots of prayer. I can finally appreciate the saying, “I don't
know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.” So when it seems like life is
swirling around you, take the advice of the old hymn, and “hold to God's unchanging
hand!” He will never leave you or forsake you. His mercies are new every morning.
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“Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of his praise be heard; he has
preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For you, O God,
tested us; you refined us like silver. You brought us into prison and
laid burdens on our backs. You let men ride over our heads; we went
through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.”
Psalm 66:8-12
~*~*~
In our quest for home school sanity, it takes constant readjustment to juggle the
needs of our own body, soul, and spirit, not to mention those of our children. When it
comes right down to it, though, I wouldn't trade home schooling for any other lifestyle. I
cherish the opportunity to spend time with my children and shape their futures. The
challenge of teaching them totally banishes boredom as it stretches my creativity,
resourcefulness, and faith. Even after a stressful day, I still look forward to all of the
lessons (academic and otherwise) that the next day will bring. May we all discover what it
takes to not only survive the stress, but plunge onward into a joyful life full of blessings.
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THE HALLMARKS OF A GENTLE SPIRIT

The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit -- that's the elusive prize sought out
by Christian home school moms. In our hearts is a burning desire for spiritual renewal
which will result not just in Bible knowledge, but transformed lives. Yet we get
preoccupied with our children, housework, academics, and other activities. The flame gets
quenched and we find ourselves getting irritable. Whatever happened to our ideal of a
sweet mother gently leading her children into a love of learning? What can we do to
recapture a vision for godly womanhood? Let's look at several hallmarks of a godly and
gentle spirit:
♥ Reverence
♥ Humility
♥ Submission & Service to Others
♥ Dignity
♥ Joy & Cheerfulness
♥ Quietness of Spirit & Speech
♥ Peacemaking
♥ Patience
♥ Preparation
Reverence
Reverence is the first foundation for a gentle spirit. As I grow in an abiding faith in
the power and goodness of God, I am less likely to strive and claw for things which will only
temporarily satisfy me. Knowing he will graciously provide for each need, I can turn my
focus from selfishness to service. I can be pure-hearted and single-minded as I “seek
first his kingdom and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33).
One of the most beautiful examples of reverence is found in Mark 14:1-9, when “a
woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure
nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.” The astonished
onlookers harshly rebuked her, but Jesus responded with tender and everlasting
affirmation. She had lavished not only perfume, but wholehearted love and devotion. She
is an inspiration for us all to pour out our lives for Jesus.
Alabaster Jar
by Virginia Knowles from Matthew 26:6-13
Alabaster jar, costly sweet perfume,

Devotion broke it open, fragrance filled the room.
Poured over Jesus’ head, anointing for the grave,
Some saw only money lost, but Jesus blessed the love she gave.
Broken and poured out, broken and poured out,

But there’s no waste of life, just fragrant sacrifice
And it’s all because of love.
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Can you see his love? Messiah on the cross!
Body broken, blood poured out, for our sin’s redemption cost.
Can you see his power? Victory over death!
Hell could not contain him, nor quench his living breath.

But there’s no waste of life, just fragrant sacrifice
And it’s all because of love!
Lord, break me for your glory, pour me for your name.

Let me share his sufferings and power just the same.
Crucified with Christ is what I want to be,
For when I’ve died to my old life, I’ll rise up to be free.

But there’s no waste of life, just fragrant sacrifice,
And it’s all because of love.
It is important to note that we can be outwardly reverent, while inwardly distant

from the Lord. He doesn’t just want the surface thoughts, words, and actions, but
abundant life in the inner being! Are you just living in the daily stuff or are you living
wholeheartedly in the love God lavishes on us?
“These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with
their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is
made up only of rules taught by men.” Isaiah 29:13a
“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
The Lord himself is to be number one, the top priority, the center of our lives – not
family, not home schooling, not homemaking, not ministry, not our rules or standards, not
our reputation, not anything! These things, as good as they are, can become idols in our
hearts if we cling to them too tightly and react in ungodly ways when they are threatened.
As Matthew 10:37-39 warns:
“Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of
me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy
of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not
worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his
life for my sake will find it.”
Instead, we need to lay these good things on the altar as an offering to the Lord. As
a teenager, I memorized a Scripture verse which asked, “Who then is willing to consecrate
himself this day unto the Lord?” That’s still a question for us today! We all need to be
consecrated to our Master who made us, ransomed us with his blood, and has full claim on
us. To be consecrated is to yield ourselves and our families to be set apart for a holy
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purpose, and not for selfishness. I need to grasp onto what God has called me to be and do.
I want to live out this season of marriage and motherhood in full devotion to my sweet
Jesus, and not let anything come between us.
A reverent woman has the number one priority of a strong, worshipful relationship
with the Lord. What else does reverence lead to in our daily lives?
Humility
One spring, I attended a ladies’ workshop at church on the topic of pride. I thought
I was just going to accompany my teenage daughters; of course, they needed to hear it. Oh
my! How is that for pride? God had a much bigger purpose for me. Listening to the solid
Biblical teaching convicted me, but that was just the start. One of the books I read, the
classic Humility by Andrew Murray, showed me how we must actively pursue true
humility as the only proper relationship between humans and their Creator.
Foundationally, it is not whether or not we are being arrogant in front of others (though
this matters, too) but how we see ourselves before God and how we respond to him.
Murray says:
“I am sure there are many Christians who will confess that their own experience
has been very much like my own in this, that we had long known the Lord without
realizing that meekness and lowliness of heart are to be the distinguishing features
of the disciple as they were of the Master. And further, that this humility is not a
thing that will come of itself, but that it must be made the object of special desire
and prayer and faith and practice. As we study the word, we shall see what very
distinct and oft-repeated instructions Jesus gave His disciples on this point, and
how slow they were in understanding Him. Let us, at the very commencement of
our meditations, admit that there is nothing so natural to man, nothing so
insidious and hidden from our sight, as pride. Let us feel that nothing but a very
determined and persevering waiting on God and Christ will discover how lacking
we are in the grace of humility, and how impotent to obtain what we seek. Let us
study the character of Christ until our souls are filled with the love and admiration
of his lowliness. And let us believe that, when we are broken down under a sense of
our pride, and our impotence to cast it out, Jesus Christ Himself will come in to
impart this grace too, as a part of His wondrous life within us.” 5
After starting to read Andrew Murray’s book, I decided to embark on a serious

Scripture study about humility. I spent hours and hours on this over a period of weeks. It
amazed me how vigorously the Bible commands us to humble ourselves before God and
warns of us how pride is an abominable barrier between us and him.
I became so convicted of the evidences of spiritual pride in my heart, that I begged

God to do whatever it would take to remove all remnants of this and my many other sins.
It was very painful emotionally, especially when he called me to face up to unhealthy
thought and behavior patterns which took root in my younger years. Almost all of them –
5
Andrew Murray, 19th century South African preacher, from his book Humility which has been
reprinted by various publishers with various subtitles.
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no matter what outward form they took -- were long waving tentacles connected to the
poisonous jellyfish of pride. I believe he allowed me to see my sin more clearly so I could
seek fresh mercy from him. I just could not get past it by myself, so I cried out to him for
help. When I didn’t know what words to say myself, I learned to appreciate the gift of
praying in the Holy Spirit, and knowing that Jesus himself is interceding for me at the right
hand of his Father. There is more to this story, but I’ll save it for the next chapter, “Abide
in Christ.”
I know my own sin, even when it’s not apparent to those who might want to put me
on a pedestal. I need to repent daily – or even hourly! I have so much room to grow.
When I think of how much the Lord has done for me, there is really no reason to think I’m
better than anyone else. It’s all an undeserved gift from God. Anyway, humility is much
more appealing if we are trying to attract someone to our way of living, isn’t it? What if we
turned someone off to being a home school mom because they didn’t want to be like the
conceited person telling them that they should, or because they didn’t think they could be
good enough to do it successfully themselves? Oh, they need to know it is only by God’s
grace! The best place for each of us to grow in this humble consecration is where it is most
challenging -- in our own families! “Be it ever so humbling, there’s no place like home.”
Before we move on, I’d like to give you some tools to use as you battle pride and cultivate
humility.
Symptoms of Pride: Ask the Lord to search out any roots of pride in your heart so
you can confess and repent from them. Here are a few surface symptoms that might
indicate a problem…
♥ Apathy or complacency about spiritual disciplines such as Scripture, prayer,
worship, confession of sin, accountability, and church life
♥ Reluctance to listen to others, receive correction, acknowledge fault, apologize
graciously without counterattack, forgive wrongs against you, or serve in menial
or inconvenient ways
♥ Dissatisfaction or ingratitude for the many blessings in your life, as if you
deserved better or as if you had earned them by your own merits
♥ Self-centered attitude in wanting the best for yourself, craving approval and
recognition from others, comparing yourself with others, demanding that others
serve you, or being offended when you are slighted
♥ Critical spirit, gossip, slander, divisiveness, fault finding, blame shifting, jealousy
about the success of others, resentment when others are recognized
♥ Talking too much about or showing off your “superior” family lifestyle, spiritual
gifts, knowledge, possessions, appearances, accomplishments, children, church
doctrine, or educational approach
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A Small Sampling of Scriptures on Pride and Humility:
♥ Genesis 3:1-13; 11:1-9

♥ Psalm 25:1-22; 51:1-17; 52:1-9; 115:1, 123:1-2; 131:1-2; 138:1-8
♥ Proverbs 3:5-8; 11:2; 12:1; 15:33; 18:12; 21:4; 22:4; 25:6-7; 29:23
♥ Isaiah 6:1-8; 29:13-24; 57:14-21; 58:1-14; 66:1-2
♥ Lamentations 3:19-33
♥ Micah 6:6-8
♥ Zephaniah 2:3; 3:9-20
♥ Matthew 3:1-12; 11:28-30; 18:1-4; 20:20-28; 23:1-12
♥ Luke 1:38-55; 14:7-11; 22:24-27
♥ John 3:23-31; 13:3-15
♥ Romans 11:17-36; 12:1-3; 12:16; 14:10-12
♥ 1 Corinthians 1:25-30; 13:4-6
♥ 2 Corinthians 7:9-10; 12:1-10
♥ Ephesians 4:1-6; 5:22-24
♥ Philippians 2:1-18
♥ Colossians 3:12-21
♥ Hebrews 12:18-29; 13:12-17
♥ James 1:19-21; 3:13-18; 4:1-17
♥ 1 Peter 3:1-9; 5:5-11
Submission & Service to Others
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,” exhorts Ephesians

5:21. Submissiveness, though scoffed at in our culture, is a key hallmark of a gentle-
spirited woman. It beckons us to, “Look not only to your own interests, but also
to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:4). The gentle spirit delights in doing good
deeds and bringing joy to other people. It doesn't matter whether the other person has a
position of authority; we can willingly serve the least of God's people because he has given
us a spirit of humble compassion.
It is also submission which allows us to sacrifice our time, money, and energy to
home school our children in the first place. Granted, it is often difficult to lay aside my
own desires to fill the need of another person. I want to be in control! Often the hardest
people to submit to are those in our own homes. Your child asks you to get up from your
easy chair and fetch the Cuisenaire pattern blocks from the top shelf. You have to wipe up
another potty mess. Your husband says you can't afford that fancy curriculum you have
being drooling over unless you are willing to give up on buying new dining room chairs. Or
he has to work late and can't watch the children while you go to the monthly home school
meeting. Or he points out behavior problems cropping up in the children. It's
uncomfortable!
As Christian women, we are especially called to submit to our husbands. Titus 2:5
admonishes us to be subject to them, “so that no one will malign the word of God.”
But I am selfish and proud. I resent being told what to do, and even more, I resent being
corrected when I don’t do what I’ve been asked to do. My defensiveness and lack of
humble submission have often driven my husband to bitter frustration. Trust me, ladies,
men take this very personally. Even if you don’t like how your husband brings something
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up to you, do yourself a favor and listen to what he is trying to say. I see how many rough
areas in my life are due to not taking my husband’s wise counsel seriously. I have often
brought trouble on my own head by wanting things my own way. As I make an effort to
sweeten up, his responses to me can become so much more tender and patient. He doesn’t
need to speak forcefully if he knows I am listening and responding.
Suppose your husband says, “Honey, I really have doubts about that TV show the
children have been watching every afternoon. Please don't let them to watch it anymore.”
You might think it's an educational program which gives you a little break from childcare.
If you sense that your husband is open for discussion, you might attempt a respectful
petition. But let's say his decision is firm. If you secretly let your children watch it anyway,
you will lose all their respect! In their minds they think, “If Mom can ignore Dad, then so
can we... and we can ignore her, too!” Thus, Biblical child training and the power of your
example go out the window. In 1 Peter 3:1-6, marital submission is inextricably linked with
a gentle spirit:
“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any
of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without talk by
the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of
your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment,
such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.
Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this
is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used
to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own
husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her
master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give
way to fear.”
One evening, I’d had it “up to here” with my children. After dinner, my husband
asked a very innocent question about my day that set me off again. I snapped, “I’ve had it!
I’m out of here! I’m going grocery shopping!” But as they say, “It was a dark and rainy
night….” Thad firmly instructed me not to go out in that kind of nasty weather, but I
wasn’t listening. A little rain wasn’t going to stop me! I stomped out of the room, grabbed
my shoes, and marched out to the car. I drove all the way down the street before the Holy
Spirit started reminding me of what my husband said as I had slammed the door: “You’re
setting a very poor example for the kids.” Convicted, I drove once around the block and
then pulled back into my driveway. I sheepishly walked back into the kitchen, soaking wet.
Later that night, I learned that a tornado had blown through the area about the time I had
left the house, and a large tree had toppled along the route I would have been driving.
Yow! I am so glad I decided to submit to my husband after all that night!
True godly submission is motivated by our trust in the Sovereign Lord who ordained
authority, not by threats of what another person will say or do. But does submission mean
being a doormat or compromising our convictions? No! Let's go on to the next mark of a
gentle spirit.
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Dignity
The epitome of feminine nobility, that infamous Proverbs 31 woman, is “clothed

with strength and dignity” (verse 25) and her works will “bring her praise at the
city gate” (verse 31). Gentleness does not mean being a wimp! A godly woman has
strong character and convictions. Without being obnoxious or strident, she is courageous
enough to stand up for what is right and protect her children. In our godless culture, she is
sorely needed! A woman of dignity can let insults roll off her back because she is secure in
her identity as a precious daughter of the King of Kings. She also has holy confidence, even
when others look at her as “just a housewife wasting her time at home.” She knows that
her hidden efforts are destined to impact eternity. In her own home, the woman of dignity
does not give in to selfish demands from her children. She has the firmness to say, “No!”
and to stick with her decision, no matter how loud the whining gets. She makes sure they
do their school work and chores, even when they would much rather play. She does not
allow her children to treat her with disrespect. She knows a parent's job is to train them to
obey quickly, quietly, cheerfully, and completely, so “faithful instruction is on her
tongue” (Proverbs 31:25). And, at the risk of being controversial, I believe that a woman
of dignity does not allow her husband to treat her with disrespect either. I’m not saying
she should be strident or overly defensive about it, but he may need some sweet and firm
retraining on how a gentleman is supposed to speak to a lady. I’ll write more about this in
the marriage chapter, though. For now, just remember to be a worthy woman of dignity,
and then it will be easier for others to treat you like one. And even if they don’t, you are
still doing the right thing and the Lord will be pleased.
Joy & Cheerfulness
Joy is a powerful witness that God is present and working in our lives, and
cheerfulness is a sweet ministry to the oppressed in spirit. These qualities have a profound
impact on how our children view life and Christianity.
“...even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are
filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the
goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:8b-9
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the

bones.” Proverbs 17:22
“A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the
spirit... All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful
heart has a continual feast... A cheerful look brings joy to the heart...”
Proverbs 15:13, 15, 30
Being joyful is not the same as being “happy.” It makes a catchy children's tune, but
we honestly aren't “inright, outright, upright, downright happy all the time!” Happiness is
based on circumstances: good health, compliant children, ample finances, etc. True joy
flows from God working in us through the often stormy situations we face. Rejoicing is
something we choose to do, instead of a fickle feeling that floats up and down, in and out.
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“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many

kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops
perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be
mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also
rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces
perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope
does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our
hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”
Romans 5:2b-5
Quietness of Spirit & Speech
There is nothing more attractive in a woman than “the unfading beauty of a

gentle and quiet spirit.” But how can we nurture a serene spirit in the middle of the
sometimes overwhelming demands of motherhood and home schooling? This, too, goes
straight back to the Lord!
“The LORD your God is with you... he will quiet you with his love...”
Zephaniah 3:17
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
“The effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.”

Isaiah 32:17
One result of a quiet spirit is quiet speech. What is in your heart comes out of your
mouth! If you store up bitterness, that's what spills out. But if you fill up on divine love,
this will flow out in kind words. Likewise, the words you choose will bounce back to you in
the reactions of others. You reap what you sow. If you speak graciously to others, most
likely they will respond pleasantly. If you yell at them, you can expect them to yell back!
A quiet heart trusts in God, no matter what life brings. The testimonies of
Christians who have suffered much while remaining yielded to God have often inspired me
to keep going.
A quiet heart is also content. If I am grateful for whatever God has provided, then I
don't have to complain or stew over my present circumstances.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and

petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the
peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your
hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
God's peace! What a tremendous gift! Not only can we have peace with God,
through trusting in the cross of Christ, but we can have the peace of God: the assurance of
his care. Further still, he also gives us peace with others.
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Peacemaking
The Jews and the Gentiles in Bible times weren't exactly on congenial terms, yet
Jesus died for them both to destroy the dividing wall of hostility (see Ephesians 2:14). We
too can enjoy peace with our brothers and sisters in Christ. But peace is not passive! God's
kingdom needs peacemakers.
“Whoever would love life... must seek peace and pursue it.”
1 Peter 1:10-11
“But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace
loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial
and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of
righteousness.” James 3:17-18
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of
peace.” Ephesians 4:3
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with

everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's
wrath, for it is written, 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the
Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is
thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap
burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome
evil with good.” Romans 12:18-21
The first duty of a peacemaker is to live in peace with those around her. In your
relationships, is there an atmosphere of harmony or discord? Are there any barriers of
hostility that need to be broken down by persistent and prayerful love? Is there an
undercurrent of resentment that needs to be rooted out and released? Do you want to
break a cycle of angry patterns (passed down from your childhood home) before it is
passed on down to the next generation? God has the power to heal your relationships and
emotions, but you must choose to forgive.
What about your children? It is very difficult to teach a child who is bitter and
resistant, so take time to repair the relationship instead of pushing harder on academics!
Beyond making peace between parent and child, we also have the challenge and privilege
of being ambassadors of reconciliation (1 Corinthians 5:20) as we introduce our children to
the peace of God through the Gospel of Christ. Then, we must train our children to live in
peace with one another (Psalm 133). Whether it is breaking up a quarrel or showing them
a more gracious way to respond to an irritation, we can be peacemakers! Several books
have been helpful in our own family’s quest for peace:
 Peacemaking for Families by Ken Sande and The Young Peacemaker (a
curriculum for kids) by Corlette Sande (www.peacemaker.net)
 Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah, Stephen and Grace
Mally (available from www.tomorrowsforefathers.com)
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Here is another idea for moms who are trying to be peacemakers: Stop, Drop and
Roll. Given the sheer size of my family, there is a high probability that someone will be
involved in an unpleasant confrontational conversation (argument) in a given day. A mom
needs a way to deal with all this and not get overloaded. Here's a quick explanation of
something that helps me keep my sanity when conflicts arise. I developed this concept
from the standard "what to do when your clothes catch on fire" Stop-Drop-and-Roll
instructions. Think of a conflict as a fire that is about to burn you up. If you thrash around
wildly or run away, the oxygen is going to feed the flames. You've got to stop, drop and
roll.
STOP: When you find your temper flaring, your jaw clenched, your muscles tense,
STOP! Don't yell, nag, threaten, accuse, slam doors or otherwise lose it. You've seen the
red warning flag, so STOP! "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak
and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the
righteous life that God desires." (James 1:19, NIV)
DROP: You've got resentment, bitterness, frustration roiling around inside. It's a
burden, and a heavy one at that. You're going to have to lay it down eventually -- why not
RIGHT NOW? Drop your burden at the feet of Jesus. "Cast all your anxiety on him
because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7, NIV) You don't have to carry it one minute
longer. Forgive!
ROLL: Get on with it. If there is a solution to your conflict, work it out calmly,
paying special attention to preventing a recurrence of the same problem in the future.
After that, go about your business and don't let the whole thing stop you in your tracks or
cause you to stew. You've got a life to live! "Brothers, I do not consider that I have
made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and
straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize
of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14, ESV)
When I remember to Stop, Drop and Roll, it helps me solve problems much more
effectively and efficiently. I also don't carry around frustration quite as long, which makes
me more productive the rest of the day.
Patience
At times, it seems like forever before progress is made in an area. Maybe you have
been making desperate attempts at self-improvement and are just about to give up on
yourself. You think, “If God is so powerful, why hasn't he changed me yet?” It's time for
patience! “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my
cry” (Psalm 40:1).
Perhaps it is your children who need your patience: the first grader who knows the
alphabet, but just can't take the plunge into blending sounds, or the fourth grader who
can't understand long division after repeated demonstrations. The patient mom reminds
herself that this is all quite normal; they will learn eventually as she affirms their efforts,
stays tuned to their abilities, and uses her many resources.
There is another kind of patience -- the ability to control your emotions in times of
stress or irritation. Home schooled children often don't live up to their parents' fantasy
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expectations of perfection: always tidy, pleasant, cooperative, diligent, etc. This reflects
“failure” on the part of the parents and can lead them to be bitter toward their errant
offspring. Then every small transgression grates on the nerves and the molehill turns into
Mount St. Helens. However, we are not forced to erupt under pressure. It is a choice! If
we want victory with this, we cannot let our children keep pushing the limits while we
vainly try to control our tempers. It is far better to deal with a problem instantly, calmly,
and firmly, before it gets out of hand. We also need to have hearts and minds that are well-
prepared to meet the challenges of the day.
Preparation
What is it, in our everyday home school lives, that gets us ruffled up? An
unexpected situation throws us for a loop. A “little” neglected detail comes back to haunt
us. We have been burning the midnight oil and just aren't ready for morning. We have
been lax in child discipline. We don’t have a clue what to do for school today. Whatever the
situation, the lack of preparation quickly robs us of joy and makes us anything but gentle.
“Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your

hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1
Peter 1:13
Back to the Proverbs 31 woman:
“She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and
portions for her servant girls... She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks... When it snows, she has no fear for
her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet... She watches over
the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”
Proverbs 31:15, 17, 21, 27
Preparation is absolutely necessary in the spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical

realms. For a home school mom, this could include a morning quiet time, discussions with
your husband, setting goals, planning lessons and menus and schedules, learning how to
teach, ordering your curriculum on time, deciding ahead of time how to respond to various
forms of childishness, etc. If you don't stay on top of things, you will end up under the pile!
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A Woman of Beauty
When I find myself having a “bad hair day,” or I snap at my children, or things just
look dreary, I remind myself of what is truly important for a woman of God. The words to
this song were inspired by 1 Peter 3 and Proverbs 31.
A beautiful woman is quiet in spirit,

gentle in all that she does.
Adorning the inward part,
she trusts the Lord with all her heart,
She is a woman of beauty!
She does not need ornaments of fancy gold,

and it's not in how she fixes her hair.
As long as she's clothed in strength and dignity,
it doesn't matter what else she wears.
A beautiful woman is quiet in spirit,

gentle in all that she does.
Adorning the inward part,
she trusts the Lord with all her heart,
~*~
May the Lord minister to your spirit, making you not just a home school mom, but a
gentle woman of true and lasting beauty.
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ABIDE IN CHRIST
Is it possible to nurture a gentle spirit, show constant compassion, and be
productive in home making, teaching, and the rest of our responsibilities? Not in our own
strength! As I seek God's character, I become aware that a pure and holy life (as I
described in the last chapter) is impossible to accomplish with my own feeble abilities. It is
humbling to say, “OK God, I can't do it by myself. Whatever progress I make has to come
from you.” As Galatians 3:3 asks, “After beginning with the Spirit, are you now
trying to attain your goal by human effort?” I must continually depend on the
fresh filling of the Holy Spirit, not so that I can use his power, but so that he can use me.
What will be the result? Godly character! “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,
patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control”
(Galatians 5:22).
One striking characteristic about fruit is that it just doesn’t grow by itself. It must be
connected to a living, growing plant. I love the way the King James version expresses this
truth found in John 15:4-8:
“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself,
except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am
the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the
same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. If a
man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and
men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. If
ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will,
and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye
bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.”
When it comes to being fruitful and loving as home school moms, we must depend
utterly on abiding in the True Vine, Jesus Christ. The million dollar question is, “How do
we continually abide in Christ?” Sometimes I just seem to feel closer to God as I go
through periods of vibrant growth. At other times it seems like I am withering away
spiritually. Ironically, I can get up a little early to have a devotional time, but then when
my children are bickering at breakfast or squirming during our morning Bible lesson, I can
suddenly lose my temper. How quickly I forget his grace which is always available to me!
So merely going through the ritual of reading your Bible and saying your prayers is not the
magic key to 24 hour piety. I must “turn my eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful
face” every moment of every day. That doesn’t mean that I am on my knees or that my
nose is in the Bible all the time. It would be pretty hard to do dishes that way! But with
eyes of faith, I need to sense his constant caring presence in my home and talk with him as
I go about the daily responsibilities he has given me. I may be weak and sinful, but he is
strong and righteous! His grace is sufficient to meet all the demands I face as a busy home
schooling mother.
Have you tried communing with God before, only to feel your fervor fizzle out?
Maybe it seems like you don't get anything out of it or that you are just talking to yourself.
I think that most of us struggle with developing a consistent and meaningful time with the
Lord. What makes it worse is that after we have been away from prayer and the Word for a
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while, we feel guilty. We hesitate to go to him because we feel unspiritual and unworthy.
We wait longer and longer and the guilt piles higher. We fail to see his open arms waiting
for prodigals to return. When you are out of fellowship with God, think who it is that
wants to keep you that way. Is it God? No! He died for you to redeem, restore, and
reconcile you in the first place. “A broken and contrite heart he will not despise,”
(Psalm 51:17) and “a bruised reed he will not break and a smoldering wick he
will not snuff out” (Isaiah 42:3). Hebrews 4:16 assures us that we may confidently
approach the throne of grace for mercy, and we will receive it in time of need. Seek the
intimacy that comes by faith in the loving Lord, not by a human righteousness obtained
from moral behavior and Christian activities. He is ready for you!
I promised in the last chapter that I would continue the story about my spiritual
pilgrimage which began with a study of humility. You see, the Lord didn’t just want me to
learn facts about humility; he actually wanted me to become humble. And that is not
exactly a sterile academic experience! For me it took a very painful season of seeing my
own heart for what it was. Some might call it a Midlife Crisis, but I like to call it a Midlife
Reckoning – a sober look at who I was and where I was going in life. If I had known at the
beginning what it would take me through, I might not have had the courage to take the first
step. As a newlywed, I memorized Psalm 84, and learned that the Valley of Baca
represented a place of tears. How fitting it is for me to recall these verses as I meditate on
the brokenness God called me through in this time of intense spiritual searching:
Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts
on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a
place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go
from strength to strength until each appears before God in Zion.
Ironically, my pilgrimage started right about the time when I was celebrating my
30th spiritual birthday with a trip back to Pennsylvania to attend a family reunion, the very
setting in which I had met the Lord in the first place! When I had gotten saved in July
1976, on a bicentennial family vacation, I knew the Lord was giving me independence from
a lifestyle of sinful thinking to which I, at even the tender age of 12, had become enslaved.
And he did! I had been suicidal before, but now I had a zest for life. I grew by leaps and
bounds in my Christian life throughout my teen and young adult years, even going on
mission trips. Yet so many unhealthy patterns of thinking from my childhood, including
an idolatrous craving for approval, persisted in my heart over the next three decades.
While they were usually dormant for long periods of time, every so often an unhealthy
mental habit would rear its ugly head, and in shock I would wonder, “Where did that came
from?” Then I would stuff it back down again and try to forget. But this couldn’t go on
forever. This was to be the summer of Jubilee for me. The Lord had whispered into my
soul that it was time to face the past, time to root out besetting sin in my life. And sure
enough, I found myself in the midst of a spiritual battle for the integrity of my own soul. I
had been wrestling with my conscience for weeks, realizing that something was amiss in
my spiritual life. I just didn’t know what it was at the time, but I wanted to find out. My
journal, which had once been neglected for months at a time, now took on fresh new
importance as I daily penned Scripture verses, as well as my inner thoughts and prayers.
Early one morning, after a night of fitful sleep, I began to see a vision of my heart at
two levels. The crevices of the deeper region were mostly packed in with decades of debris.
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On top of this hard crust, I had piled on the outer workings of my daily life: wife, home
school mother of 10, homemaker, church member, writer, and other duties. I realized that
even in my spiritual life of Scripture study and prayer (which have been so very valuable), I
often live in the “oughts” and not from true desire or spiritual passion. As I wrote these
newer insights into my journal, the crust to the deeper places started to crack open.
“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and
breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at
night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life.”
Psalm 42:7-8
I longed for God to invade the very core of my heart, to wash away all of the debris
with the healing flood of the Holy Spirit. I wanted to be filled instead with all that is lovely,
noble, pure, admirable, and true. I became captivated by the glorious mystery of his
surprising love for me. Ever since then, my heart has cried out to the Lord for mercy.
Seeing my own inadequacy has only made me adore his sufficiency even more. As I started
realizing this, a poem flowed from a broken spirit:
Rhapsody in M
by Virginia Knowles
Myriad mercies:
more and more
merited? no! no merit in murky miserable me
Mystery:
manic malice meted on Messiah Martyr
Mighty and Meek
Miracle:
manic malice meted on my Mediator misses me
marvelous mercies ministered on me
Majestic Master:
master me
move massive mountains in me
make merry melodies in me
mirrors of Thee in mere me
more and more
myriad mercies
As an overflow of this spiritual revival in my heart, my hunger for Scripture and

prayer became ravenous, like a bear waking up from a long winter’s hibernation! My quiet
times became like manna to my soul. I couldn’t settle for one short devotional time during
the day anymore – I wanted to slip away to be with the Lord whenever possible! While my
experience was very dramatic to me, I believe that the Lord wants all of us to be continually
renewed, day by day. Let’s talk more about how this can work in your life.
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A Quiet Time and Place for Daily Devotions
Whether you are aware of it or not, the devil would love to distract you from
immersing yourself deeply in God’s presence. He would love to destroy your relationships
and steal your joy. And he will do just that unless you recognize your enemy and prepare to
fight. If you are engaged in spiritual warfare, doesn’t it make sense to put your armor on
when you first get up? Some moms have quiet times first thing in the morning so they will
lay a solid foundation before cluttering their brains with other concerns. Even if you can’t
devote an extended time early in the day, it helps to at least pause and ask God to prepare,
protect, strengthen and equip you for the challenges of the day. Truth be told, sometimes I
have my main quiet time in the evening after my children are in bed. Then I am not rushed
and I have a chance to reflect on the day just finished and prepare for the one coming.
If you must have your quiet times while your children are up and around, you may
need to think of a diversion for them. If they can sit still for a little bit, they can have their
own quiet time with a picture Bible, Bible story video, or music and/or story audio CD or
cassette tape. They could copy the letters in a Bible verse, color in a picture, or do a puzzle.
An older child could read to a younger one. Whichever options you choose, do let your
children know that this is a special time for you, and they must be quiet. My younger
children often wake up before I finish my quiet time. I either hold them on my lap, let
them lie on my bed, or send them off to play in the next room. Other times, I have to finish
up quickly and hope I can come back to it later.
I am blessed to have an ideal place for a quiet time in my bedroom. Many years ago
while on a morning walk, I spied a perfectly good rocker recliner chair on a neighbor’s curb
with a “free” sign on it. I jogged home to get my van and a strong teenager, and claimed
my prize. There is just enough room for it right next to a tall bookcase where I stow my
Bibles, personal journal, quiet time notebooks, CD player and worship CDs, and an ample
supply of Christian books and magazines. I could live in this chair! I do slip away from the
household chaos to my little sanctuary a few times a day for at least a few minutes of heart
renewal. I might read a chapter from a devotional book or a few verses from Scripture, or
flip open my prayer journal, or just lay back with my eyes closed and think about the Lord.
Even though I usually have a regular morning quiet time, I find that these “snacks” get me
through the day more sanely.
Many moms have trouble concentrating on their quiet times because they get
distracted by clutter, paper, projects, or people around them. If this is your problem, set
apart a “chapel” area that is quiet and comfortable for reading, writing, and perhaps even
spreading out reference materials. If a private area is unavailable, don't despair; God will
meet with you anywhere. Just find a pretty basket for your things, and tote them to the
quiet spot of the moment.
Be ready to focus quickly on the things of God during what little time you might
have. Learn to lay aside “the cares of this world” and concentrate on what the Lord has for
you. Yes, there will be a time to bring before him in prayer the issues that concern you, but
your focus should be on his sufficiency, not on your troubles. He is so much bigger than
our circumstances! We bring our problems, our confusion, and our weakness into the
Throne Room of God. As we draw near to him, we will bring out his strength and wise
answers so we will be equipped to deal with them.
Your quiet time notebook or journal will be an important element for success. I find
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that the process of writing things down helps lock them into my brain. It also grants the
opportunity to come back later and review the material I have studied or prayed about.
Using a notebook helps guard thoughts and notes from getting lost in the shuffle. A three-
ring binder is easiest for adding and removing pages, but you could use a spiral note pad or
a folder. I actually use my journal for anything related to quiet times now. I write my own
observations and questions about life, some of my prayers, and plenty of Scripture verses
and quotes from whatever books I am reading. This has been such a lifeline to me in the
past year as I’ve been so acutely aware of my need for God’s mercy. I think of so many
Christians through the ages who whose lives have been enriched by journaling.
Let’s not overlook the middle of the night as a quiet time for quiet time. I am a
chronic insomniac and I have a toddler who sometimes gets up “in the wee hours” so I’m
usually awake somewhere between 3 and 5 in the morning. During these times, I remind
myself of the mercies of the Lord, pray for others, and think of Bible verses I have
memorized. I also do this as I am falling asleep at night, and sometimes as I lie in bed
trying to wake up in the morning. This is also a good practice for mommies who are night
nursing their babies, as I did off and on for nearly two decades. “My soul will be
satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful
lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches
of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I
will sing for joy.” Psalm 63:5-7
Apart from our formal devotional times, we can bask in God’s presence throughout
the day. We can especially use our daily duties and routines as object lessons of God’s
truth and grace. When you are making dinner, think of the feast he is preparing for us in
heaven. When you are washing dishes, be thankful for the abundant food you ate off of
them, and pray for those who are less fortunate. When you are cleaning up your kids’
muddy toes, think of how Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. A yucky toilet, stubborn
laundry stain, or dirty diaper can remind us of how he washes our foulest sins away: “white
as snow.” This attitude not only inspires our souls with the holy character of God, but
makes our work meaningful and less irksome. I find that, like Brother Lawrence, I can
“practice the presence of God” no matter what I am doing, even if I am not kneeling in
prayer or reading my Bible.
For an extended time of entering into communion with God, be sure to enjoy your
Sabbath! This is a time when I don’t have to feel guilty about laying aside many of my
regular daily duties. I like to use Sunday afternoon as a time for leisurely reading and
contemplation, as well as rest. What a precious gift from God! Summer is also somewhat
of a Sabbath (or sabbatical) for home school moms since we aren’t so busy with lessons.
Use some of this time for refueling your own heart for the year to come!
Coming Before the Throne of Grace in Prayer
Do you find yourself droning, “God bless Grandma and the missionaries in Africa,
help Susie to get better from the flu, and make Mike mind his manners, Amen.” How can
we make our prayers more meaningful? This is not a purchase order to a computer, but a
conversation with a Divine Father. He has something to say too, if you will listen quietly
and resist the temptation to do all the talking. Prayers do not have to be long. As the Bible
says, “And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they
think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them,
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for your Father knows what you need before you ask him” (Matthew 6:7-8). At
times, the most appropriate prayer is simply, “Lord, have mercy!” I send that one up all
day long!
Prayer has so many different facets beyond just asking for things. Take the time to
look up these verses, and let them kindle in you a thirst for prayer and a knowledge of the
power of intercession. Write them down for continual encouragement.
♥ Communion with God through Worship and Adoration: Psalm 46:10;

84:1-4 & 145-150; Romans 11:33-36; Revelation 4:8-11
♥ Confession and Restoration through His Forgiveness: Psalm 51; Isaiah
57:15; Hosea 14:1-5; Hebrews 4:16; James 4:6-10 & 5:16; 1 John 1:6-10
♥ Consecration and Dedication of our Lives to Him: 1 Chronicles 29:5;
Proverbs 3:3-6; Isaiah 6:8; Romans 6:13 & 12:1
♥ Thanksgiving and Praise for All He Does: Psalm 136:1; 2 Corinthians 2:14;
Ephesians 1:3-6; 1 Thessalonians 3:9 & 5:18
♥ Petition and Intercession for our Needs and the Needs of Others
(According to God’s Will and for His Glory): Psalm 118:4; Mark 11:24-25;
Romans 8:26-27; Colossians. 1:9-12 & 4:2-4; 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12; 1 Timothy
2:1-3; 1 John 3:21-22
♥ Spiritual Warfare: Psalm 3:3-6; 1 Corinthians 10:12-13; 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 &
10:3-5; Ephesians 6:10-18; 2 Peter 1:3-4
If all of this is too hard for you to remember, just use this short acronym: P.R.A.Y.
This stands for Praise, Repent, Ask, Yield. We PRAISE, coming to him with adoration for
who he is and thankfulness for what he has done for us. Then we REPENT for the sins we
have allowed to come between us and God, not only the bad things we have done, but the
good things we have neglected. We ASK him for what we and others need, in a spirit of
humble intercession. And we YIELD our will to his will and consecrate our lives to his
service. You can teach this process to your children as well.
The Bible is full of wonderful prayers, such as Colossians 1:9-12, by which we can
confidently make petition for ourselves and others to glorify God according to his will.
“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not
stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge
of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we
pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may
please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in
the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to
his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,
and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to
share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.”
We can also pray using the words of God’s pilgrims who have gone before us in the
faith. This is not cheating, but gleaning from the very best of spiritual wisdom from the
ages! I love my beautiful leather-bound prayer book called The Valley of Vision, which
is edited by Arthur Bennett of Banner of Truth Trust in Scotland. Mr. Bennett compiled
and melded a stunning collection of prayers from such eminent Puritan and post-Puritan
theologians as John Bunyan, Isaac Watts, Henry Law, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, and
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more. These pages do not go not easy on the soul. They plumb the depths of our sin and
God’s grace, which is precisely why I love them so much. During my months of spiritual
pilgrimage, The Valley of Vision was constantly in my hands and heart. Since then,
Sovereign Grace Music has produced a worship CD based on it, appropriately called
Valley of Vision. You can find out more about this CD and the book at
www.SovereignGraceMinistries.org.
Of course, I’m sure you’ll come up with your own original prayers, too. You may
want to write them out in your journal. Or, you may want to jot down short prayer
requests, along with the date; you can review them often to see which ones God has already
answered. You could reserve a section in your Bible study notebook for these prayer notes
and guides. I use the back of my journal for my prayer lists. When I’m done with a journal,
I copy the requests that are still current into my new journal and add others. Before I
started using my journal for this, I kept my prayer requests in a small notebook, purchased
from Wal-Mart, which holds pre-punched 3 x 5 index cards. I wrote each prayer request
on a separate card and categorize them into labeled sections: My Home & Family,
Relatives, Church, and Mission/World. Some of these prayers were on-going, such as
for family members, but others were short-term, such as a need brought up in our home
group fellowship on Wednesday night. In fact, I would tuck a few blank cards into my
purse and my Bible so I could jot requests down as they were mentioned by others. Each
day, I flipped through and pray for several of the requests in my card notebook.
If you have a long list of people and situations to pray about on a regular basis, you
may wish to divide them into broad categories and split each category into sections for
each day of the week. For example, on Monday you might pray especially for your firstborn
child, your own parents, your church’s women’s ministry, the pro-life movement, your
state government, and missionaries in South America. You can add on extra current
requests each day as needed. If your church publishes a list of missionaries that it
supports, you can keep this with your regular prayer list so you can interceded for them,
too.
Prayer is a form of worship, too. Do you take time to just adore the Lord and to
meditate on his goodness? Try writing out a prayer of thanksgiving to God, praising him
for what he has done in your life. Write it down and share it with your children! Maybe
they will be inspired to do this, too. Here is one that I wrote many years ago:
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Psalm to Sweet Jesus

by Virginia Knowles
Sweet Jesus, you bring to me all that is good:

Comfort and hope when I am discouraged,
Peace and reconciliation when I am in conflict,
Strength and enthusiasm when I am weary,
Wisdom and guidance when I am confused,
Courage and confidence when I am afraid,
Forgiveness and mercy when I have done wrong.
You bore the fatal punishment that I deserved,
Yet rose up again in power,
Promising that if I would turn from my awful sin,
And believe in your awesome grace,
I could become your own precious child,
And enter into your everlasting Gloryland.
Such a rich salvation that I could never earn!
As a simple gift of gratitude,
With help from your Word and your Spirit,
I will trust and obey your loving commands,
I will worship you with my prayers and songs,
I will serve others joyfully,
I will share your Good News,
So that each one who hears and believes
May receive the matchless treasure
Found only in you.
O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing!
Melodious prayer ministers to the Lord like sweet fragrance and sinks deeply into
our own hearts. I am amazed at the emphasis the Bible places on music in worship. While
preparing a unit study, I came across these passages, which are in the English Standard
Version:
“Then Moses and the people of Israel sang this song to the LORD,
saying, “I will sing to the LORD, for he has triumphed gloriously; the
horse and his rider he has thrown into the sea. The LORD is my
strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God,
and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.” Exodus
15:1-2
“I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set
my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my
mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put
their trust in the LORD.” Psalm 40:1-3
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My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and

make melody! Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will
awake the dawn! I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples;
I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your steadfast love is
great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Be exalted, O
God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth!” Psalm
57:7-11
“Praise the LORD! Sing to the LORD a new song, his praise in the
assembly of the godly! Let Israel be glad in his Maker; let the children
of Zion rejoice in their King! Let them praise his name with dancing,
making melody to him with tambourine and lyre! For the LORD takes
pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with salvation. Let the
godly exult in glory; let them sing for joy on their beds.” Psalm 149:1-5
“The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he
will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he
will exult over you with loud singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
“And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of
Olives.” Matthew 26:30
“About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to
God, and the prisoners were listening to them, and suddenly there was
a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken.
And immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone's bonds
were unfastened.” Acts 16:25-26
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing
one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual
songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.” Colossians 3:16
Wow! What a way to keep our minds joyful in the Lord! Music reaches the heart in
a way that spoken or written words cannot, and even breaks down the prison doors within
our souls. Take the time to learn some hymns and choruses, and continue to sing them
throughout the day with your children. I’ll talk a little more about how to do this later in
the chapter. I have found that children often spontaneously burst into song; what we have
“recorded” on their brains will go round and round until it comes out of their “speakers.”
Perhaps you might keep a song book or a worship CD handy so you will be ready with
words of praise. If you have an MP3 player or iPod, you can load it with your favorite songs
and listen as you work around the house. When I’m working out at the YMCA, I love to
listen to worship music with headphones on.
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A Journey in the Word
The Bible is not a book that you master in an hour, but something that should
master you for a whole lifetime. You can always learn something new as long as you have a
hungry heart and a diligent mind to read, study, meditate, memorize, pray, obey, and share
it with others.
When my children were very young, it was easy to teach them simple Biblical truths
as they related to school subjects. By the time they reach middle school, and start
reasoning and thinking abstractly, we must gird our minds for some tough questions on
complicated issues! No longer can I teach Creation Science by merely pointing out that
God made this and that on thus and such day. I have to provide a solid background in
apologetics, and counteract the errors of evolutionary theory. What makes it harder was
that the creation science books available don’t always agree with one another, even when
written by conservative evangelicals! And now I can’t just skim over the Pilgrim saga with
stories about the Mayflower and eating turkey with the Indians. I must be prepared with a
lesson on the theology of the Puritans and the religious persecution they fled in the Old
World! I can read accounts of this in Christian history books, but again, these are going to
vary widely based on the doctrinal position of the publisher. The same goes for our studies
of world geography, government, nutrition, and more. If I can’t count on reference books
for solid answers, I must rely on the ultimate authority -- Scripture!
The Bible bursts with instruction and counsel on our finances, schedule, wardrobe,
nutrition, health, education, careers, entertainment, friendship, marriage, parenting,
politics, and the rest of life. It helps you to sort through the issues facing you as a home
school mom, both in your own family life and in all of the literature that stuffs your mail
box and book shelves. There is a war of values and truth in our culture and in our
churches. With so many conflicting messages, the only way to discern the true Christian
message is to go directly to the Source -- the Bible. The sure foundation of Scripture gives
us confidence and authority for ordering our own lives and families under God, so we don't
need to abdicate our responsibilities to secular institutions.
As we study the Bible to search for God's treasure, we are charting vast territory. At
times, we press on over long distances by reading through large portions of Scripture. At
other times, we pause to dig deeper in our search for hidden treasure through a topical
study or a verse by verse analysis of a passage or even an entire book of the Bible. There is
joy in the journey.
It is a blessing to read the Bible through in a year at the rate of a few chapters per
day. This method gives a sense of flow and overview to Scriptures and keeps us from
getting stuck on one subject while neglecting the “big picture.” In order to do this, you will
need to read three or four chapters daily. If you want a little variety, split it up:
 A Psalm or chapter of Proverbs: You will cover these twice in a year.
 Two chapters from the rest of the Old Testament: You could go straight through
from Genesis to Malachi, or alternate between the historical books and the
prophetic books.
 A chapter from the New Testament: Alternate the Gospels with Acts, the
Epistles, and Revelation. If you read a chapter a day, you will finish in less than
nine months and can start over again. Or slow the pace and read a little less
than a chapter each day.
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As you do this, jot down verses or short summaries which impress you from the
passages. See if you can find any links between the Old and New Testament portions.
Beyond reading through larger sections of Scripture, make time periodically for in-
depth systematic study. The “flip-it-open-and-see-where-I-land” method may work once
in a while, but is not sufficient for continued growth. Imagine standing blindfolded in
front of your refrigerator trying to choose your meal by grabbing the nearest container.
Out comes a jar of pickles for your dinner. That's OK for a snack, but not a meal! Carefully
choose a book of the Bible or a topic which meets your needs right now. Keep things in
context by letting Scripture interpret Scripture. One way to study is to choose a specific
topic. Using your reference materials, locate related passages from different sections of the
Bible. Sample themes: The Life of Paul, Passover, Joy, Patience, Prayer, Children,
Marriage, Money, Health.
Invest in a few Bible study tools, but shop carefully to get products which are both
theologically sound and easy to use. Choose ones which will also be suitable for your
children as they grow older. Consider adding these items to your home library or finding
them on-line:
♥ study Bible with built-in concordance, cross-references, study notes, maps, etc.
♥ topical reference - to look things up by subject
♥ complete concordance - to look things up by individual words
♥ Bible dictionary - to look up meanings
♥ other Bible versions
♥ Bible commentary by a respected theologian
♥ study workbook on a book of the Bible or a topic
♥ Bible study software
For long term study, choose a whole book such as Colossians. When you start, get
an idea of the book's context (author, audience, theme, time frame, geography, key people,
etc.) Skim through to get a broad scope of what you are about to learn. Break up the book
into manageable passages. Your Bible may already have verses sectioned off with logical
headings, or you can split them into clusters of several verses. Type the passage double-
spaced for easy marking. If you do this on your computer, you will have these passages
ready for future activities. Bible software programs can print out the passage
automatically. Here are some ways you can approach a passage of Scripture:
♥ Read and summarize. Pick a favorite verse to write down and memorize.
♥ Look for “SPACE”: Sin to confess, Promise to claim, Attitude to change,
Command to obey, Example to follow.
♥ Make a list of timeless life principles. Ponder how you can apply them.
♥ Outline the passage. Or mark phrases with lines and squiggles to indicate who,
what, when, where, why and how.
♥ Study verse by verse. Research key words and concepts with your reference
books. If you have a cross-reference Bible, look up verses listed for the passage.
♥ Use the passage as a basis for your prayers.
♥ Write the verses on a card with colorful markers or print from your computer in
a nice font. Share them with another person or post up on your wall.
Rather than just quickly reading the verses, take the time to meditate on them.
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What do they mean? How can you apply them at your house? It is good to sit quietly and
think, but you can also meditate on Scripture as you go about the rest of your day,
pondering these things in your heart. I read from Luke 16-17 one morning, and jotted
down several application phrases onto a card to put in the pocket of my capris: Faithful in
little, faithful in much. Serve one Master: God! God knows what’s inside your heart.
Forgive others repeatedly. Don’t expect praise for doing your job. Thank God for what
he has done in your life. Lose your life to keep it. Just feeling the crinkle of the card in my
pocket as I’m sitting or walking reminds me of what I have read, and I do take it out once
in a while to remember them.
Try to read at least occasionally from good solid Christian books to help you walk
out your faith and apply the word. Several trustworthy authors are Andrew Murray, Jerry
Bridges, John and Noel Piper, C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney, Gary Thomas, Elisabeth Elliot,
Corrie ten Boom, and Amy Carmichael. C.J. Mahaney’s book Living the Cross-
Centered Life is a new classic for its ability to focus on how the sacrifice of Christ can
affect our lives. Donald Whitney’s book Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life
has come highly recommended by our pastors as a way to dig in to Scripture study, prayer,
meditation, fasting, and other heart-nurturing practices. A good devotional book with
short selections can be just right for a busy mom. My teenage daughter Joanna found
Charles Spurgeon’s Morning by Morning, Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His
Highest or Thomas a Kempis’ The Imitation of Christ for me at our library’s used
bookstore -- nicely bound hardbacks for $1.50 a piece!
To supplement your study times, keep Bibles and inspirational books at various
places around the house so you can grab one quickly when you have a spare moment. Keep
a small New Testament in your purse for when you are away from home. Remember
Deuteronomy 6, which admonishes us to have God's word inscribed on our door posts and
gates. A modern version of this might be a Scripture verse printed out from your
computer in a nice font on colored card stock and posted on the kitchen cabinet.
Calligraphy or needlepoint verses make a beautiful encouragement, too. All of this is
“scattered sunshine” to help lift you up at odd moments of the day.
~*~*~
Are you abiding in Christ? I encourage you to come into his presence with a yielded
heart, ready to change any detail of life in patient submission to God. “Devotions” may
seem like just another item in a busy day, but as we abide in Christ, we will find refuge,
restoration and renewal. We will be well-equipped to serve our families joyfully.
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YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK

Forever etched in memory is my first impression of a home school support group. I
had been “doing school” with my four-year-old for several months and decided to join a
group to prepare for kindergarten. As I listened during the meeting and chatted with the
ladies afterward, I was struck by a thought that I have never since doubted: “Home school
moms are the most creative and friendly people I have ever met!” It would be impossible
to share with you all that I have learned from support groups since then, whether the
format has been a small group in a living room, a panel of veteran moms, a curriculum
show-and-tell night, or a picnic in the park. Even more than the information I have
gained, I treasure the fellowship and the encouragement I share with kindred souls.
Much of our success as home school moms hinges on nurturing by others. We have
a unique set of needs and questions which are best satisfied by those who understand what
it's like. I am not talking just about curriculum and lesson plans. I am talking about
instilling a vision of raising wholehearted godly children in a time intensive, close quarters
setting, surviving daily skirmishes without burning out, and setting priorities to see our
goals accomplished. Books and magazines can help, but there is nothing like a warm
human body. I thank God for the women who launched me into home schooling. Though
some of them had been at it for over ten years, they didn't think it was a waste of time to
coach a Mommy whose children were still preschoolers. Their quiet example speaks
volumes to me even now, years later and several hundred miles away. Sometimes I keep
myself going with the simple thought that if they can do it, so can I! I want to be that
inspiration to someone else.
Your Local Home School Support Group
Finding and joining a good local support group is a logical first step toward
connecting with others. We need to gather for mutual encouragement and to gain a wide
range of perspectives and approaches. We grow by hearing testimonies of God's grace in
tough times. Support groups also grant the opportunity to discover new friends for more
personal one-on-one nurturing. Maybe a new friend will be the missing link to solving
your particular problem. Maybe a phone call will be just the help you crave on a trying day.
Maybe a smile or a knowing glance across the room will give you the tiny bit of energy to
keep on going. A little spark can set a fire blazing in your heart.
For a new or potential home school family, a support group is absolutely essential to
prepare for the challenges of choosing curriculum and setting up a workable routine.
Many metropolitan areas have at least a dozen local groups, each with its own flavor. Some
are affiliated with churches, while others center around a certain curriculum or enrollment
program. If you haven't yet been able to locate a group which meets your specific needs,
contact your state home school organization, which you should be able to find with a quick
web search.
Once you get involved, you will find opportunities to minister with your own gift,
whether it is organization, teaching, hospitality, or humor. Many women do not realize
how much work there is and how much they are needed. As a support group grows, one
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person just cannot do it all and still maintain a quality family life and home school. In my
opinion, the most effective support groups are led by teams of several women who recruit
others for specific tasks such as the newsletter, field trips, craft days, Spelling Bee, socials,
etc. In addition, all members should volunteer for jobs which match their talents. Be
prepared for a few snags along the way. Support group service requires learning to submit
to each other: following the policies of the group and/or sponsoring church, listening to the
opinions and suggestions of a diverse membership, and being willing to turn over a
cherished task to a fresh face.
As we participate in the activities and responsibilities of the support group, we must
remember to balance the needs of our own family. It’s easy to get so overcommitted with
committees and projects that we neglect the whole point of home schooling: nurturing our
husbands and children. One mom became so frazzled leading her support group and
planning field trips that she had lost the joy of being with her own children. She was
tempted to give up home schooling, but wisely chose to cut back on her activities and spend
more time at home. Even when our schedules are generally in balance, we still need to be
sensitive to our family situations at the moment. One night my husband arrived home
from work just as I had to leave for our monthly support meeting. Since I was scheduled to
lead a small group, I felt quite anxious to be on time! After a brief but sharp disagreement
with Thad, I jumped in the car and raced down the street. Halfway there, fighting back
tears, I realized that it was pointless to go and “encourage” others when I was not at peace
with my husband or myself. I knew that to obey Matthew 5:23-24, I must go reconcile
with my husband instead of offering my “gifts” at the meeting. I turned my car around and
contritely drove home. God gave me blessed peace at serving my own family that evening,
and another mom easily filled in as small group leader.
Learning from One Another
“My Letitia is six years old and she can recite twenty poems and do multiplication
tables. Of course she's upset that four-year-old Charity is doing long division now...” It
was always so amusing to hear my girls pretending to be mommies at a support group
meeting! In our real life support group, it is fun to hear about all the different families and
how they approach home schooling. Being such creative people, home school moms are
full of fresh ideas and solutions which they are most happy to share. Unfortunately, this
can also make other moms feel inadequate, wondering if they are doing it right. They can
be misled to believe that if only they carefully copy the methods of the “successful mom”
that all their problems will be over.
For example, several of my children learned to read at age four. This wasn't due to
any one particular curriculum or technique that could be replicated for instant success by
the masses. In fact, two of my children charted entirely different paths, and finally gained
fluency and enjoyment when they were nearly seven years old. I attribute each one's
success to personal interaction with Mom, the child's own interest and readiness, a
houseful of interesting books, a strong emphasis on phonics and reading aloud, and lots of
playing around with different ideas! My advice has helped other moms find a starting
place for teaching reading, but they need to work out the details with their own individual
children. My attitude in a support group is that I can learn from and share with the other
moms, but none of us has to imitate or compare. We take a little from here, and a little
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from there, but a giant share comes from our own intuition and common sense. One of the
beauties of relationships within the home school community is that we can pick each
other's brains for ideas while acknowledging that each family is unique. What excites one
would bore or frustrate another. One day many years ago, my friend Debbie and I sat at
my kitchen table brainstorming about upcoming unit studies when she noticed my plan to
present a “Pretty Potpourri” unit. “Do you really think you can spend three whole weeks
on flowers, poetry, hospitality and manners?” she chortled. “Sure! Remember I've got all
girls!” I replied. Debbie looked around the room at her six sons and mused, “Yes... I guess
we'll do a unit on small engine repair!”
Accepting One Another
If you hang around any support group long enough, you will discover that there are
great differences of opinion on education and all the rest of life. Maybe your group has
moms who are deeply committed to various teaching styles, such as structured text books,
classical education, Charlotte Mason methods, unit studies, or unschooling. When you
were a new home schooler, did it give you culture shock to meet women who birth their
children at home, use medicinal herbs, and bake their own organic whole wheat bread?
There also may be women with strongly held theological or moral convictions not shared
by your family. Put them all together and how do they react? Do the die-hards also live
love? Do you all learn from each other and show willingness to try something new? Is
there a climate of acceptance and warm concern?
My friend Debbie (the one with the six sons) moved away to a rural area and joined
a church which is much more conservative than the one I attended. Since many of the
families were new to home schooling, she invited me to drive up and present a workshop
for them. Knowing that even my old-fashioned lifestyle might seem carnal to them, I felt
extremely nervous about it. I dressed extra modestly and changed all of the Bible
references in my handouts to the King James Version. Imagine my relief when these dear
women greeted me warmly, listened enthusiastically, and thanked me profusely. Their
welcoming spirit transcended their strong personal convictions about lifestyle.
Be a welcomer! When a newcomer visits your group, go over and talk directly to
her, look in her eyes (not over her shoulder at your buddies), put a gentle hand on her arm
and tell her how glad you are that she has come. Introduce her to someone who has similar
children or who lives near her. Then stand and chat for a while about her family. Get her
name and phone number to invite her over for lunch or tell her about an upcoming field
trip. Many support groups set aside time for small group discussion. During this time, in
one special group, the new moms could meet with one or two veterans to ask rookie
questions, get acquainted, and receive a packet of useful information. It can be such a
delight to meet others who are starting along the same path. Welcoming newcomers in
these ways is so vital. I know that women have quit home schooling (or at least been
tempted to) because it seemed that the other moms in a support group were apathetic and
unhelpful.
Accepting one another also means resolving problems peacefully and quickly. If
there is a conflict or misunderstanding between women in your circle of fellowship, it
doesn't just affect them, but their families, mutual friends, and even strangers. We must be
peacemakers, not side-takers. Gossip and slander must not find a listening ear. As the
Apostle Paul exhorted in Philippians 4:2,3a:
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“I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each
other in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these
women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel...”
Peeling Back the Mask
What if you are afraid of investing yourself in others or letting them see you as you
are? I did not have many close friends when I was growing up, since I was viewed as a
loud-mouth geek. As that image gradually softened over the years, the Lord graciously
brought new friends alongside, but there is still a chunk inside my heart that feels
unlovable, unworthy, and unattractive. I have known the pain of being betrayed in
friendship, of finding myself outside the circle of those I thought had accepted me. The
fear remains. If people really knew me, if they saw me in my unguarded moments, would
they still like me? Are they just being polite? If you wrestle with thoughts like that, you
are not alone! We are here! We are real! We labor with you, flawed as we are. It is well
known that pastors' families shoulder a burden of stricter standards in the public eye, but
it's the same for many home school families. We feel that we must fulfill certain
expectations to be a good advertisement for home schooling. The literature of our home
school subculture is full of worthy examples of piety and devotion. While we longingly read
it, we must reluctantly admit that we are still human beings with human problems and oh-
so-human children. We may wear a smiley mask in public, but our own families know
what really goes on behind closed doors when frustration or fatigue sets in.
I would love to preserve a spotless public reputation, but I am not perfect or even
close to it. I disgust myself routinely. I feel like a hypocrite when The Accuser condemns
me and tells me to give up. Thank you, God, that you are merciful and forgiving. Do not
cast us aside in our foolishness! We are complex people, heir to the human pathos which
has fueled writers, philosophers, artists, and theologians through the ages. We are not
isolated or immune from our world of poverty, greed, ignorance, profanity, prejudice, and
disease. We don't even understand ourselves. We do the things we don't want to do, and
don't do the things we want to do. Becoming a Christian or wife or home school mom
does not solve all our problems. In many ways it brings them into sharper focus. What we
do with our problems is the big issue. Pride may tempt us to deny or hide them, even from
ourselves, with a smoke screen of spiritual talk, but hypocrisy is no witness for Christ. At
the other extreme, airing all our “dirty laundry” in public is not healthy for anyone either.
We need a balance of reserve and transparency. While we shouldn't get overly explicit
about our troubles, it is liberating to confess that life can be a zoo at our house, our
children are not always excited about their lessons, and that Mommy occasionally
explodes. We can say this and still affirm that home schooling is a precious blessing in the
middle of chaos. Our credibility is intact because we are not hiding skeletons in our closet.
Real people can relate to us. They can approach us with their own frailty and know that we
comfort them from experience.
Super Mom can leap over a mile-high mound of laundry, banish children's tears
with a mere glance, and zip through grading papers faster than a speeding bullet.
However, even with our fatigue and frustration, we have something better: the blessing of
being Real Life Home School Moms. Our toil and trouble is mixed in with love, adventure,
the freedom to be ourselves, and the comfort we share with other muddling mothers. If
you have been holding back from investing yourself in other women, you are robbing
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yourself of one of the most profound blessings God has given us. Having true friends
means taking the risk of being known intimately and loving unconditionally. For us home
school moms, it means going beyond our four walls and pristine public images. In our
emphasis on family autonomy and self-sufficiency, perhaps we forget that women need
each other. We mothers must mother one another!
As I have become more intensely involved in raising my family, I have had less time
to spend with friends. Jesus had scores of followers and a dozen apostles, but only three
close companions. Likewise, we can have many acquaintances, several good friends, but
few very intimate relationships. I have also found that at various life stages (such as
marriage, motherhood, the start of home schooling or when switching to a new church), I
have had to shift my attention from old friends to newer friends who share our lifestyle.
While we shouldn't just abandon our old friendships, this change is quite natural. As the
ditty goes, “Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.” How I
cherish the special friends I have made in the past several years! I rarely get a chance for a
one-on-one visit anymore, but I’m glad I can pick up the phone for a chat. We share cries
of pain, sighs of frustration and squeals of joy. I treasure their prayer, advice and
understanding. A few of these women have the insight and courage to help me refocus
when I get off track and to counsel me when I confess my sins. What a divine gift!
A Mentor for Mom
I believe home school moms need mentoring relationships with more mature or
experienced moms who help them gain wisdom, vision, and knowledge. Susan Hunt
explores this key concept in her book Spiritual Mothering. Martha Peace has also
written an excellent study guide, Becoming a Titus 2 Woman. Though these books are
about general women's ministry, I think mentoring is all the more important in the home
school movement, where we are bound by common purpose and needs. Each of us can
benefit from a few close friendships with both veterans and rookies to share needs,
strengths, weaknesses, ideas, perspectives, and resources. The Apostle Paul surrounded
himself with other believers at various levels of maturity. At the start, he was led and
launched into ministry by Barnabas. He rubbed shoulders with Silas, with whom he had a
rather wall-shattering songfest. He was like a father to young Timothy, guiding him into a
ministry that would span generations. We too need mature sisters to lead us on, growing
sisters to walk along side us, and seeking sisters to follow after us. Bringing people to
maturity in Christ is the goal of both home schooling and mentoring.
The concept of discipleship is uncomfortable to some. We have all heard of
churches with very controlling authoritarian structures. When I advocate mentoring, I am
not talking about manipulation, invasion of privacy, or a system of hierarchy. What we
need is a reasonable level of openness and accountability which enables us to help each
other discern potential or existing problems so we can find practical solutions.
How do you get started in a personal mentoring relationship? Before you do
anything else, pray! Ask God to show you what you need and trust him to provide it. In a
letter to a home schooling friend in another state, I mentioned my longing for a local
mentor -- someone with a big family of older girls and lots of experience in home
schooling. This mother of six wrote back and gently reminded me that what I need first is
a more Spirit-led relationship with Jesus. No mentor could fill all my expectations or
yours. Go to the Lord first, then let him show you where he has provision for you in other
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people (Matthew 6:33). Get your husband's counsel on this issue too, since he is the God-
given spiritual leader of your family.
Next, think about what you are looking for. Do you need more help choosing
curriculum, teaching a challenging child, or being patient and organized? Seek someone
who is achieving those goals. The ideal mentor has godly character (Titus 2:3 and Proverbs
31) and bases her life and teaching on the solid foundation of Scripture. While she should
have a good measure of successful experience as a home school mother, she certainly
doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, she needs a strong dose of humility and vulnerability,
because if she makes you think she's Super Mom and you know you aren't, you may lose
hope. Your relationship should grow secure enough for her to gently and confidentially
help you see areas for improvement (Proverbs 27:17 and Ephesians 4:15). She needs to be
willing to share her life (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8), and available to spend time with you
without overloading her schedule or sacrificing her family. It's a big plus if you are already
in the same activities and groups. She should also share your convictions and it helps if she
has a similar approach to home schooling and curriculum.
If you can't think of any likely candidate, ask the leaders of your home school
support group. (If they get enough requests for this, they may consider organizing a
mentoring program.) When you do find someone that looks like a good match, simply ask
her if she is interested. She may not be available right now, but she will still be honored
that you thought of her and may refer you to someone better suited. Once you have found
a mentor, discuss with her what you both expect to give and receive. No mom wants to feel
under pressure to be perfect or to always be available at moment's notice. You might
suggest, “Let's get together next Saturday for a few hours without the children so we can
get to know each other better.” Then you might meet each other once a month (with or
without children), touch base weekly on the phone and pray for one another daily.
Occasionally your families could get together for a barbecue or whatever. This is where it is
especially helpful if you attend the same church, home school support group or home
group Bible study, since there will be natural opportunities for you to see each other.
Veteran home school moms often have difficulty finding more experienced mentors.
Unfortunately, some mega-veterans who would be qualified to fill this void feel that they
don’t need a support group anymore because they are facing physics while the younger
moms are all still talking about phonics. They might just be too busy to attend one more
meeting. If nobody in your support group is able to give you much advice from “further
down the road”-- you might have to seek one of these moms somewhere else. Even if they
are too busy for regular support group involvement, they may still welcome the
opportunity to fellowship with you one on one for mutual encouragement. If you are open
to mentoring others, take initiative! Look for someone who needs a boost. If you are a
veteran home school mom, you could lead the way for a mother with less experience. Even
if you are a rookie, you could still take the hand of a preschool mom. You can be a vessel
through which God can supply mercy and truth, so ask him to lead you into what could be
one of your most important and fulfilling “outside” ministries. There is balance. Our God-
given priority is still our own family. We can't spend the whole day socializing or letting
others monopolize our attention. Empty chatter and gossip are worse than a waste of time
and should be tactfully silenced. Often, a person who complains of endless problems needs
to be exhorted to take responsibility for following through on the solutions. New home
school moms are also likely to come to you for detailed advice on issues or curriculum for
which there are already abundant resources. It's exciting to help them get started, but this
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can be very time consuming! After giving them some information over the phone, or
inviting them to your “home campus” for an afternoon, you can refer them to a relevant
book or prepare your own handout to answer the frequently asked questions. I also used to
host small groups of prospective kindergarten moms in my home in the springtime. We
would sit around my kitchen table, talk about what home schooling really is, share
questions and ideas, and look at some of the educational materials on my shelves. This
allowed me to help many moms at one time, and gave them the great opportunity to meet
one another and find playmates for their children. Some of these kids are now teenagers!
Where has the time gone?
Whenever I talk to a new home school mom, I encourage her to join a local support
group so she will have many “human resources” and perspectives. Much as it would feed
my ego to think so, there is no way I could meet all their needs myself, even if I had all the
time in the world. Many support groups host a home school orientation in the springtime,
with tables manned by ladies experienced in the different major methods, plus plenty of
catalogs to take home. At this orientation, moms can be encouraged to attend a state
home school convention, so they can listen to the fantastic speakers and browse the book
tables. One of our support group leaders often reminded me that we can’t spoon feed the
newcomers every morsel of information. We have to equip them to dig into the feast
themselves!
Why the Church?
I’ve noticed a lot of discussion (and debate) in home schooling circles about “the
church” -- what it is and what is should be like. Unfortunately, I know there are many
home school families who are as cynical toward the organized church as they are to the
public school system. In the past 30 years, due to family moves and other providential
circumstances, I’ve had the privilege of membership in over a dozen congregations with
slight to moderate variations from one another, and even some that had been wracked with
crisis and conflict. Each one was manna to my soul! As an avid student of theology, I care
deeply about sound doctrine, but I’d rather be in an imperfect church than none at all. If I
ever find the perfect church, I won’t attend it, because I wouldn’t want to ruin it!
The most important reason for the church is that Christ himself established it. Yes,
we automatically become part of the universal Church when we become part of Christ,
since the Church is his Body. But there is also a need for faithful fellowship with other
believers in your geographical area. Web boards, e-mail lists, and TV broadcasts may
enhance our Christian growth, but they are no substitute for the living, breathing local
church. A local church offers a diverse mix of backgrounds to broaden and deepen our
spiritual lives. What a joy it is to walk into the auditorium each week and see people so
different from me! “Every color, dark or light, they are precious in his sight!” Jesus is Lord,
not just of white middle class Americans, but over every nation, every skin tone, every
socio-economic status and educational level. This kind of healthy diversity builds respect
for others into the lives of our children. There is no sense of us versus them but of being
dear brothers and sisters in the Lord. I can learn from those who are further along in the
Christian journey, while at the same time helping others along the path.
A local church offers flesh-and-blood accountability. I know how easy it is to drift in
the Christian life, even after decades in the faith. Having people personally looking out for
my spiritual life is a vital safeguard for my faith. I’m not talking about an invasion of
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privacy here, just a valid concern that allows certain people to ask, “What is the Lord
teaching you right now? Is there any way I can help you through your struggles?” If there is
a disagreement, this is a valuable opportunity to be like iron that sharpens iron to one
another. If I get off balance, my brothers and sisters can bring me back to reality again.
Most likely, I’ll even be prevented from getting to that place because I am hearing the
whole counsel of Scripture wherever I turn in the church!
A local church offers in-depth teaching and corporate worship. The pastor invests
hours of his time to prepare his message each week. He wants to build his flock through the
public preaching of Scripture rather than amuse them and make a name for himself.
Likewise, the musicians work hard so we can lift our own hearts in praise to God. Rather
than find all the reasons why we didn’t like the sermon or the music, do we take the time to
express our sincere appreciation to those who so faithfully serve us? What a responsibility!
A local church offers a place for adults and children to develop and exercise spiritual
gifts and works of service. The preacher can’t do everything by himself! Each member must
do his or her own part, though mommies with little children must certainly be careful not
to overdo. It is especially encouraging to see young people being mentored into church life
by serving on the worship team, reading the passage at a Bible study, scrubbing floors,
collecting the offering, tutoring home school students, serving meals, or watching out for
the wee ones at a church function. This is such a practical part of their training into
maturity.
A local church can choose to offer educational opportunities to round out what we
are trying to do at home. Our church offers a lot of support for home schooling, through
tutoring classes in high school math and science, free enrichment classes for all
ages, support meetings and workshops for dads and moms, and used curriculum sales.
A local church supports missionaries in other lands. Part of a church’s budget is
usually set aside to extend the gospel around the world through financially sponsoring
missionaries. Our own church also sends members on short term overseas outreach trips,
including whole teams of teens and young adults.
Yes, your church can be your most important support network in home schooling!
~*~
We all need a strong network of give-and-take relationships, so take the effort to

invest your life in other moms. Get involved in a home school support group. Find a
mentor. Be a mentor! We all need somebody to lean on!
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BUILDING THE FAMILY HOME

One of the beauties of the home school movement is the emphasis placed on family
autonomy and vision. We have taken back some of the privileges which society has
relegated to institutions, and insist on the right to direct our own children in the nurture of
a Christian home. Though each family has its own set of convictions, preferences, and
ministries, we can unite around a common goal of raising children who will change the
world for Christ.
Amid these noble goals, it is often quite discouraging to see the difference between
our visions and the cold hard realities of family life. Picture this scenario: It is 5:30 PM
and you are trying to fix dinner when the preschooler dumps a box of eggs on the floor.
The baby is shrieking in the crib, school books and crayons are jumbled on the table, and
two children are tussling over a pile of toys near the front door. The phone rings; it is
someone trying to sell aluminum siding. As you try to convince the telemarketer that you
have a brick house, your husband walks through the door. He is home early from work,
shoulders sagging. His eyes scan the rubble for signs of adult life. You hastily hang up the
phone and peer around the corner of the kitchen doorway. What is your conversation
going to sound like?
At times like these, we need to go back to Scripture and catch the vision again.
Colossians 3:14-21 is bursting with encouragement.
“Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe

yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and
patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you
may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And
over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in
perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as
members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let
the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one
another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual
songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do,
whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving
thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your
husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do
not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for
this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they
will become discouraged.”
Though this passage doesn't specifically mention families until the end, it is full of
wisdom for us as we work to build a team spirit in our homes. Family unity is one of the
main goals which propels us into home schooling in the first place. Family conflict is also
the one thing that will pull apart a home school faster than anything else. The HOME (the
family environment of love) is the most important thing in the home school. Please take
the time to read the passage again before you go any farther. Meditate on God's word.
Allow it to fill your heart and mind.
This is just a tiny sample of the Bible's instructions for family life, but I am deeply
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convicted when I read it. Please know that our family is still working on all of the
principles in this chapter. As human nature has it, in the heat of the moment we forget
what works and what doesn't. Then we have to pick ourselves back up, offer our heartfelt
apologies, and keep trying. Nevertheless, our failure does not negate the principles. To the
extent that we follow God's ways, we have success. Therefore, I commend these thoughts
to you, not based on “having it all together,” but instead on the sure foundation of God's
Word. Before I get further into this chapter, I would also like to recommend a great book:
For the Family’s Sake: The Value of Home in Everyone’s Life, by Susan Schaeffer
Macaulay. It is a very thoughtful book on family life, with an emphasis on building warm,
nurturing, “good enough” families. Gary Thomas’s books Sacred Parenting and
Devotions for Sacred Parenting are also very helpful to me.
Bitterness, blaming, complaining, and discouragement tear down family unity, yet
God has graciously provided for us the remedies of kindness, humility, gentleness,
patience, forgiveness, gratitude, etc. What a difference! What is it going to take to make
this a reality in our families? We have all tried to do “better” at loving our families, yet we
still fall flat on our faces! The key is Jesus Christ living and working in us, beyond our
puny efforts. Little by little, bit by bit, persevering and pressing on in the midst of failure,
we will eventually triumph by his grace. If our home is to stand strong, it will be on the
foundation of Christ as we build up the four walls of communication, consideration,
cooperation, and commitment. The roof, which is “over all,” is the compassion we have for
one another.
Communication: Cultivating Graciousness
Learning to communicate effectively and graciously is not just a change of speech

habits, but an attitude shift which first comes from within your heart and then flows out
from your mouth (see Matthew 12:34,35). Your thoughts and feelings are reflected by your
words, tone of voice, and body language. Do your husband and children sense that you are
delighted to see them when they walk in the room? Do you acknowledge their presence
with a smile and a warm greeting? Do your nicknames for each other affirm each person's
worth, rather than degrade it? What is the general atmosphere around your home? Do
you seek to see your children as blessings rather than burdens (Psalm 127 and 128)?
One of the quickest ways to improve the emotional atmosphere is to make a habit of
speaking in a soft, cheerful voice. Proverbs 15:1 tells us, “A gentle answer turns away
wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” It is tempting to use yelling to gain
momentary action, but it is unproductive in the long-run. James 1:19,20 reminds us that,
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
Choose to affirm and exhort your family, rather than blame or accuse. When
something annoying or inconvenient happens, emphasize the need to solve the problem
instead of arguing over whose fault it is. Motivate with sincere encouragement, not guilt
trips. If someone needs correction, focus on the specific positive effort or result that you
want to encourage more than the negative habit that you want to eliminate. For example,
you might say, “Please try to write that more neatly and stay within the lines,” instead of,
“You are such a sloppy writer!”
If we seek redeemed communication, we must deal quite firmly with the words that
fly around in our homes. The Scriptural standard is to speak the truth in love, saying only
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what is edifying for building others up (see all of Ephesians 4). Make your children aware
that contemptuous or profane phrases are totally unacceptable in your family. By your
example and instruction, teach your children to cheerfully use phrases like:
♥ “Thank you!”
♥ “May I please _________?”
♥ “You are welcome!”
♥ “Would you like some _________?
♥ “May I help you?”
♥ “I'm sorry! I was wrong. Will you forgive me?”
♥ “Yes sir, I'll do that right away.”
♥ “Excuse me!”
♥ “That was a good idea!”
♥ “You did a good job!”
♥ “I love you!”
Humility is absolutely vital to Christian family communication. Think about what

prompted the Lord to confuse the language of the nations. Wasn't it the arrogance at the
tower of Babel? Even today, if our pride has made us stiff toward others, we won't be able
to hear them and they won't want to talk to us anyway! Humility is what bridges the gap
and lets us speak the universal language of love. Closely related to this, gratitude is
another hallmark of gracious conversation. As each one does something to help, thank
them! Be quick to praise a child who has been particularly polite, patient, or thoughtful.
Watch their eyes light up when they realize that someone has really noticed! It serves us all
better if they get attention for doing right, not just for acting up. And what glory when we
hear them affirming one another!
Many times our husbands or children will complain that we aren't listening to them.
They tell a joke or show us something interesting and we brush them off with, “That's nice,
dear!” before we turn our attention back to our own business. If a family member wants to
discuss something, we might mumble “yeah” or “uh huh” after every few phrases. Sisters,
this won't build up our husbands and children into lovers and thinkers! If you have a hard
time listening to them in the course of conversation, learn to ask progressively in-depth
questions about a topic that they enjoy. Forget about using this as a gimmick. You really
must pay attention and get involved in the conversation.
A private conversation, away from the prying ears of others, can often open up lines
of communication. When I run errands, I sometimes take just one of my children along.
This offers an opportunity for more intimate sharing. We can air our concerns, discuss an
issue or just make small talk. They feel a special closeness, and so do I!
And finally, communication is not just a matter of exchanging pragmatic daily
details. We must also pass down our heritage to the next generation. Our children love to
hear stories of our childhood adventures, of how we came to faith in Christ, faced
disappointments, suffered from our foolishness, and overcame challenges. A picture is
worth a thousand words, so our photo albums are priceless! The children are also thrilled
with the sagas of our ancestors: the premature birth at home during an Iowa blizzard, the
French Huguenots who immigrated to the New World, the Revolutionary War captain who
died in the Wyoming Massacre, the great-grandmother who raised her younger siblings on
a primitive island in the Bahamas. They learn about God's providence and our precious
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family values through the legacy of storytelling.
Consideration: Living with Understanding
To truly love someone, we must understand them. This can be hard at times,
because all people can act irrationally at the most inconvenient moments. But it is worth
the effort and we do have help. God, who loves us infinitely, knows each of us intimately.
He can give us insight into our husbands and children as we consider them and think
about who they are:
♥ in-born personality style and spiritual gifts
♥ interests, desires, and aptitudes
♥ learning styles and modes
♥ attention spans
♥ fears, insecurities, weaknesses, and “chinks in the armor”
♥ body rhythms which affect moods and capabilities
♥ academic skill and comprehension levels
♥ physical maturity
♥ attitudes and relationships with siblings
♥ needs for friendship
♥ spiritual growth in the Lord
I believe there is great value in discerning what makes your family tick. Your son,
daughter, or husband may be wired with a different personality style than you. Each one is
a unique creation, hand-picked by God to fit into your family for your benefit. As a
microcosm of the church, each Christian family is a body of believers, ala 1 Corinthians 12
and Romans 12. Some family members have the gift of being go-getters who love to take
charge and get the ball rolling. Others are filled with quiet mercy and a servant heart to see
and meet personal needs. One may be a creative idea-factory, always coming up with a
lively new twist on the situation. Still another is an administrator, thoroughly handling the
fine print of life. Sensitive parents can use these talents and tendencies to motivate their
children in schoolwork and relationships.
Don't forget your husband! It took me ten years of marriage to realize that my
husband Thad functions best in an ordered atmosphere. In fact, it's not just his preference,
but his prerequisite for productivity. For the longest time, his heartfelt pleas to “get things
organized” came across as nagging, and his attempts to do it for us seemed like
interference. However, Thad is good at it! He is the one who pays attention to the tiny
details that would otherwise trip us up. I may be the creative engine of the family, but my
husband is the conductor who keeps us on track. We are balanced, as long as we
appreciate where the other one is gifted to compensate for our lack. However, I can't just
say, “It's his gift, so let him do all the organizing.” He is genuinely too busy, so I must do
my part with a whole heart.
I have also discovered that growing children need privacy and freedom to be
themselves without too much prying. They need a place to put their treasures, practice
their organizational skills, arrange things to suit their own style, and entertain guests.
They need time to read, think, tinker, and create. Family loyalty aside, being cooped up
with a bunch of siblings for hours on end can be unbearable! Even if your children share
bedrooms, as ours do, try to set aside a little personal haven for each one.
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Another facet of consideration is to be sensitive to our children's emotional and
social needs, so that they can enjoy being home instead of in a classroom setting. Though
we should be selective and keep things in balance, our children need buddies just like we
do! When my daughter Mary (then age nine) repeatedly expressed her need for personal
friendship with another Christian girl her own age, I started scanning the list of families in
our home school group. I found a like-minded family with girls the same ages as Mary and
Julia, plus three younger boys. The children had similar interests and cherished every
visit, phone call, and sleepover. I enjoyed spending time with their mother Leah, too! The
friendship between Mary and Katie has been a lifelong one. In high school, they chose to
go to the same group classes, and now as young adults, they still get together when Katie is
home from college. The circle of friendship also grew to include several other girls. Since
I felt it was important to provide my girls with a quality opportunity for socialization, I
initiated a monthly mother/daughter tea for the 9-12 year old girls in our support group.
We called it Rubies and Roses, because the moms are the rubies and the girls are the roses.
It was a smashing success. The key ingredients were yummy snacks (potluck style), an
easy craft, a show and tell (bring an item or share a talent), and lots of great conversation.
We met in a different home each month, which gave each girl a chance to practice
hospitality. The second year, the group was split up so that the middle school girls had a
Jewels for Jesus club, and the third through fifth graders had Rubies and Roses. Each
hostess could either plan a tea or a special event such as ice skating, talent show, service
project or other low cost activity. This was such a great way to meet the “socialization”
need of our children!
Consideration really boils down to thinking of the needs of others before our own, or
as Romans 12:10 says, “Honor one another above yourselves.” Even little touches
of thoughtfulness are meaningful, and your own example grants much mileage to your
training attempts. Make yourself available when they need help. Smile. Write love notes
and tuck them under pillows or into Dad's lunch. Kiss the boo-boo, even when you are
busy. Notice the facial expression or body language that says there's a hurt on the inside.
Give lots of hugs, kisses and back rubs. Find a little favor you can do for your husband or
child that will communicate: “You are special!” Can you fix a favorite recipe or display one
of their favorite items?
You can also encourage your children to look around to meet the needs of others
through compassionate and willing service. The home is the ideal place to practice this,
especially with older children helping the little ones and setting a mature example. The
home atmosphere can be transformed by such small courtesies and attitudes as helping
each other with chores, tutoring younger siblings with troublesome skills, and staying quiet
during nap times and school.
Cooperation: Living in Harmony
Cooperation between family members is both vertical and horizontal: parents and
children, Mom and Dad with each other (discussed in next chapter), and children with
children.
What about getting our children to cooperate with us? When I was 17, the Lord
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convicted me of passive defiance toward my parents. I was a good Christian girl who didn't
drink, smoke, do drugs, or run around with boys. However, I didn't follow instructions and
could always think up several reasons why I shouldn't. When I confessed this sassy
attitude toward my parents, they felt the freedom to lead me in new and exciting paths, and
were more open to attending church with me. My fervent prayer is that all of our children
will learn willing submission much earlier than I did.
Obedience does not come naturally. The first step is to search Scripture for the
principles and mandates of discipline. You can also find helpful information on this topic
from Christian books. My favorite book on this topic is Shepherding a Child’s Heart,
by Tedd Tripp. He emphasizes the need to reach our child’s heart, rather than merely
enforce rules. If we don’t do this, we might have a child who is temporarily obedient on the
outside, but rebellious on the inside. That kind of obedience is always strained, and only
practiced when you have your eyes on them. If you have a chronically angry child in the
house, I recommend the book The Heart of Anger: Practical Help for the
Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children by Lou Priolo. It is very Biblical and
gives doable strategies for working on this problem. Be forewarned, though, that you will
be looking at your own life first, to see how you may be provoking your child’s anger.
One cause of conflict between parents and children is rules. Home school parents
are famous for setting standards for their families. After all, we want nothing but the best
for our precious ones! As I think about how we make decisions on various issues, a few
important principles come to mind. Our family’s standards and rules should be fair and
reasonable, not arbitrary or picky. We shouldn’t make a rule just because other families do
it. We don’t want to be self-righteous, pretending that we have perfect knowledge and
obedience. Eventually, people would see the many flaws beyond our masks -- the same
faults our children see in us every day. So in all things, we want to be wise and humble,
depending on God for both guidance and strength to do what is right. There are four
principles I think we can use when setting sensible standards for our families. As our
children understand them, they are more likely to want to cooperate.
♥ The Test of Truth: For a Christian, the absolute standard is the Bible. The
Scriptures are quite clear on crucial issues, and give plenty of general principles to
guide us through the gray areas. We shouldn’t have to agonize about whether it’s
OK to get drunk, cheat on tests or taxes or spouses, etc. (See 2 Timothy 3:16-17.)
♥ The Law of Love: The whole law of God is summed up in the command to “love
one another.” (See Matthew 22:334-40.) Will our choice help other people or hurt
them? We teach our children to “do to others as you would have them do to you.”
We don’t want our children to call each other nasty names because it violates the
law of love. Similarly, we don’t take what belongs to others or punch people in the
nose. We want our teens to come in at a reasonable curfew hour at night so that
Dad can go to bed and get some sleep. It all boils down to loving others! Read 1
Corinthians 13!
♥ Sensible Stewardship: We must faithfully use and care for the many resources
which God has given us, and neither squander nor destroy them. These include our
time, money, possessions, health, energy, intellect, talents, moral purity,
relationships, the environment, and much more. (See Matthew 25:14-30.) If I
restrict TV viewing, I am preserving our time, intellect, and moral purity. If I don’t
let anyone take food and art supplies into the living room, I am trying to extend the
life of our furniture and carpet. If I warn them against the dangers of smoking, I am
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guarding their health. If I insist that we take our recyclable garbage out to the
garage instead of tossing them in the kitchen trash, we are conserving the earth’s
resources.
♥ Winsome Witness: How will this affect my ability to be a positive influence on
others? I’m not advocating the “what will the neighbors think?” kind of fear that
provokes many picky rules. But, we should honestly evaluate whether our choices
will cause others to stumble on their journey of faith. That may mean we do some
things in private or keep our opinions to ourselves. (Look up Romans 14.) This will
also mean that we need to keep our front yard looking neat and tidy. The children
have to put their bikes and roller blades away when they are done. And it means
that we keep complete school records for our annual evaluations. We want to be a
good testimony for our chosen lifestyle!
Once you have communicated your standards clearly to your children, you need to
enforce them! Don't delay in training your children to obey the first time you give an
instruction in a normal tone of voice. Don't get in the habit of yelling, nagging, or flailing
your arms to capture attention. Not only is it a hard rut to break out of, but it's a highly
contagious disease! Your discipline must be consistent, or they will ignore the rules.
Insist on compliance. Your children are not properly cooperating if they talk back, stamp
their feet, glare, dawdle, roll their eyes, slam doors, or show other signs of disrespect. I
often remind my children that the instructions I give them are really simple to understand
and obey. They just need to choose to follow them!
Let natural and logical consequences pack their own punch when you can. If a child
leaves her toys out in the rain and they get ruined, this natural consequence is its own
“punishment.” Logical consequences are initiated by the parent but still closely related to
the “crime.” If a child “forgets” to do his math, he might miss out on a family activity until
it is done. If he carelessly damages school materials, he might have to pay for replacing
them.
I believe, based on Biblical admonition, that there are definite times to use physical
chastisement for cases of open rebellion and intentional disobedience (see Proverbs 13:24;
19:18; 22:15; 29:15 and Hebrews 12:5-11). However, problems can occur when we lash out
in anger or fail to bring proper closure with forgiveness and reconciliation. Children notice
our attitude even more than the temporary pain. Genuine concern, not hostility, should be
the motivating force in our discipline. Responsiveness, not knee-jerk reaction, should be
the rule of the day. Our relationships with our home schooled children will either bring us
hours of joy or hours of grief every day and will profoundly affect our ability to teach
academics. I am also convicted by the Lord that I need to spend at least as much time
praying for each of my children as I do correcting them!
Some problems should be prevented, rather than just corrected in hindsight. If you
analyze the trouble spots in your home, you might notice that children tend to misbehave
when they are unsupervised or bored. When you are trying to get housework done,
complete a personal project or teach the others, one child is begging for something fun to
do! If you brush him off, he might go find something foolish to do. Plan ahead. Help your
child make a list of things he can do and keep supplies and equipment handy so he can
help himself and put things away when he is done. Or kill two birds with one stone and
find a way to include him in your housework. Many children don't mind folding laundry or
working in the kitchen with Mom if they can have a friendly chat, verbal game, or fun
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music at the same time.
“How good and how pleasant it is when brethren live together in
unity,” says Psalm 133:1. Unfortunately, our children bicker just like most children and
this can be so discouraging! The little ones fight over teddy bears, toy trucks, and Mom's
lap. The big ones argue over the phone, the bathroom, and Mom's ears! And while we are
supposed to be “building family unity” with home schooling, we have yet to kick the habits
of name calling, teasing, pestering, and making unpleasant faces. I must encourage myself
constantly with the fact that they play (and sometimes work) pleasantly together for long
stretches of time that are merely punctuated with conflict, loud and unpleasant as it is.
During their quiet moments, they chat amiably, share secrets and goodies, and plan
projects. This reminds me of my childhood relationship with my sister, who is my dear
friend now that we are grown up. How much more pleasant our young years would have
been with a little more compassion and consideration, and how much sweeter my life
would be now if my own girls would just catch the vision of harmony!
So what are we supposed to do with children who refuse to get along? The rude
words are just a symptom of hostile attitudes. It boils down to a lack of love, which needs
to be addressed as a spiritual problem first. When I see a problem spring up between my
children, the first thing I ask is, “Were you being loving and kind?” and then, “What has
God called you to do? Are you going to do things God’s way and be blessed, or try to get
your own way and be miserable?” I encourage my children to reconcile quickly when they
have offended each other. I do not allow them to mumble or growl “SORRY!” A proper
apology has at least three elements: taking responsibility (“I was wrong”), expressing
remorse (“I am sorry”) and seeking peace (“Please forgive me”). After the other child has
affirmed forgiveness, I like to see them give each other a hug or at least a cordial
handshake.
We must also concentrate on building positive experiences between brothers and
sisters. Let them work near each other at activities that are less likely to flare up into
confrontation and then graduate to projects which require true teamwork. One day, many
years ago, my two older daughters were having a sharp disagreement over makeshift
costumes for a skit. Finally, I ordered them to drop the quarrel and go do something else.
The next thing I knew, they were outside weeding our neglected experimental vegetable
garden. This was an opportunity to work alongside each other without having to battle
about decisions. Now who said that home schooled children lack opportunities to learn
socialization skills?
As parents, we also need to “pull weeds” at the points of specific conflict and ask
ourselves, “What can we do about this situation?” Here are a few common problems and
possible solutions:
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♥ Train young children not to do this

A younger sibling keeps ♥ Provide private spots for each child to store their
getting into an older child's personal possessions.
things. ♥ Encourage the older child to not be quite so
possessive!
♥ Encourage your children to be good sports.
A child is frustrated at not
♥ Remove a child from a game if he refuses to
“ever” winning in games or
cooperate.
other competitions between
♥ Choose an easier game or an adaptation of the
siblings.
current game.
♥ Take turns by time period.
♥ Buy extras of commonly used items like Lego bricks
Two children want to use the
or colored pencils.
same items at the same time.
♥ If the arguments persist, consider confiscating the
items until they learn to share.
♥ Evaluate the assignments to see if they are fair.
Children complain of unfair ♥ Clarify what you expect for each job.
chore assignments. ♥ Rotate tasks between children.
♥ Encourage your children to work as a team.
♥ Figure out if this is true!
One child feels that another
♥ Affirm and show affection for each child.
one is the favorite.
♥ Avoid unhelpful comparisons.
♥ Ask your children to appreciate and affirm each
other’s individual gifts and talents. Describe how
Children tease each other each is a benefit to the entire family.
about skill levels and talents. ♥ Talk to the teasing child about whether or not his
speech is “loving and kind” which is our standard as
Christians.
♥ Give positive attention to this child. He may be
A child pesters for attention
feeling neglected or left out.
by name calling, mimicking or
♥ Correct persistent poor behavior with rebuke or
making faces.
punishment.
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♥ Ask your child what is bothering him and see if you

A child is cranky and taking it
can work it through together.
out on others.
♥ If your child is tired, it may be time for a nap, or at
least some alone time in a quiet room.
♥ Teach children to independently solve conflicts, and
to “suck it up” when the offense is minor. They don’t
have to play the victim.
♥ Supervise playtime closely if a fight is likely.
♥ Listen to both sides of the story. Both children might
be wrong. Insist that the child tells you what he did
A child tattles with the intent
wrong before he tells you what his sibling did wrong.
of getting someone else in
This is called “telling the whole truth and nothing but
trouble rather than solving
the truth.”
the problem.
♥ Clarify for them which problem situations need
report to parents.
♥ Address the attitude with which the child presents
evidence against a sibling. If they are trying to get
the other in trouble, this displays a lack of love. An
unmerciful attitude is grounds for punishment.
♥ Let your children take turns choosing. If you can’t
keep track of who chose last, let them take turns
Children are having a conflict
being the chooser for a whole day.
over which group activity to
♥ Better yet, teach the Christian virtue of “giving
choose or who goes first.
preference” to one another. We are trying to teach
them to be unselfish, aren’t we?
Do you still need help with childhood conflicts? There is also an excellent book out
there called Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by siblings Sarah, Stephen
and Grace Mally. You can find it at www.TomorrowsForefathers.com. This is the best I
have seen on this topic, especially since it was written by teenagers!
Training children to be cooperative can seem endless. Whenever I forget what the
point of the matter is, I manage to run across an adult who is enthusiastic, courteous,
professional but warm, paying attention to both details and feelings. I think, “YES! That's
it! That's my goal!” Can you imagine how far our children can go as adults in
relationships, careers, and ministry if they just learn to work pleasantly with others with a
genuine servant heart? Or can you imagine how handicapped they will be if they never
learn? Let it spur you on.
Commitment: Sticking Together with a Passion
Commitment is a pledge not only to stick together, but to cherish one another! It's
not just gritting your teeth because you have to, but grinning because you choose to. It's
not just co-existing in the same house, but actively building relationships. Commitment
says, “You belong to me and you are important to me, so I choose to invest my time,
energy, and emotions in you.” In the “love chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13, commitment is
reflected as it “keeps no record of wrongs” and “always protects, always trusts,
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always hopes, always perseveres.”
Commitment compels us to forgive family members who cause us irritation,
inconvenience, or utter embarrassment. We don't have the “luxury” of nursing a grudge or
giving up on them, because they aren't expendable. When it seems that a relationship with
our husband or child is drifting toward apathy or alienation, our commitment leads us to
tenderly but doggedly pursue and renew. Even after our prodigal children squander our
emotional reserves, commitment allows us to welcome them again with open arms.
If we are committed to our family, we will be loyal to each one. What an old-
fashioned word! When we are gabbing on the phone with our fellow home school moms,
isn't it easy to gripe about everything our family members have done to us? When our
children overhear us recounting every last bit of their mischief or our frustration in raising
them, what does that say except that we are willing to sell out their budding reputation for
a morsel of sympathy? Worse yet, it sends the message that we think they are burdens
instead of blessings from God. I'm not saying we should never tell others about rough
family times, but we must be discrete and guard against a complaining spirit. Our intimacy
in the family makes us all vulnerable. If we want our husbands and children to trust us
with private thoughts, we must remember that “loose lips sink ships.” Children need to
learn this too. It's a cruel world out there, so brothers and sisters have got to stick together
on the family team.
Commitment is also found on its knees in prevailing prayer. Sometimes I just can't
scale the wall or ram the gates to get through to a resistant or bitter loved one. The Lord
knows the way through the labyrinth into the inner sanctum of every heart. My prayers,
carried by God's ministering Holy Spirit, can enter in and gain an audience where my
words or deeds could not.
Finally, commitment demands lots and lots of time! Home schooling certainly
requires moms to spend “quantity time” teaching, disciplining, reminding, feeding, wiping,
etc. Tucked in amidst all of the basic care and daily duties are little pockets of meaningful
moments: a hearty laugh, tender cuddle, captivating joint project, or eye-opening
conversation. Much of our “quality time” as moms is interspersed throughout the day like
this, but what about the dads, who aren't around as much? When they come home, there is
still a pile of tasks for them to complete. We need to guard their “spare” time from excess
chores and meetings so they are free to enjoy family activities. As parents, we must make
distinct choices about what is important rather than coasting with whatever is convenient.
I'm not quite sure how it happened, but one day when I was seven years old, our TV
mysteriously broke. We could no longer spend several hours a day watching sit-coms and
cartoons, and thus it remained for six more years. My parents wisely broke the addiction
that stifled our creativity and growth. Soon we realized that the worlds of music, art,
literature, and gardening were more exciting and productive than Gilligan's Island and The
Brady Bunch. My brother and sister and I all ended up with a lifetime love of learning.
Many of the skills we pursued in our TV-free childhood days have served us well as adults.
I fondly recall the many hours spent with my sister, reading side by side, designing our
dream houses, writing zany stories, and going to Saturday morning music theory classes at
the conservatory. My brother helped me with the piano. Mom and Dad took us to concerts
and ethnic restaurants, and we never missed a school musical with John on the trombone
or keyboards, or Barb at the cello. Dad later taught me computer programming and
prepared me with a job skill that paid my way through college. As a family, we had become
unplugged, but not unglued.
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In our own household, we haven't totally gotten rid of our TV. We enjoy educational
videos, some PBS, and the evening news. Putting limits on time is always a challenge! We
occasionally put the TV in storage for a few months when it has consistently gotten out of
hand. You can also buy a set with a “parental control” feature so you can block out TV
access for hours at a time or filter offensive content.
Families need regular hours for the 3Rs of recreation, relaxation and rejoicing with
one another to affirm their commitment. Why not try a few of these TV-free activities?
♥ Read aloud a chapter from a long book or choose short picture books.
♥ Write appreciative notes to relatives, missionaries, shut-ins, or each other.
♥ Produce an annual family newsletter.
♥ Write and illustrate your own books.
♥ Play thinking games, like chess, 20 questions, or Scrabble.
♥ Design your own game!
♥ Try sign language, Braille, or Morse code. Take a blindfold walk.
♥ Have an art contest or draw self-portraits.
♥ Bake cookies and deliver them to someone who needs a lift.
♥ Walk around your neighborhood and chat with whoever you meet.
♥ Take a nature walk and make collages with your specimens.
♥ Work together on a special household or garden project.
♥ Have family worship time with songs, prayer, story, and craft.
♥ Look at photo albums, show slides, or listen to old records.
♥ Tell stories of when Mom and Dad were young.
♥ Put on a talent show or dress up for skits. Make sure the camera is ready!
♥ Let the children try the old guitar or clarinet.
♥ Have a family discussion about topics like where to go on vacation.
♥ Go to a concert, play, art museum, or zoo.
Compassion: Love in Action
And finally, the roof of the house! Compassion is where it’s at! Love is the most
important commandment. If we are teaching our children oodles of other things, but fail
to teach them how to love, then we have failed!
“And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together
in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:14
“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all
knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not
love, I am nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:2
“Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no
cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness
and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going,
because the darkness has blinded his eyes.” 1 John 2:10-11
“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions
and in truth.” 1 John 3:18
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“All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one
another.” John 13:35
This is what the rubber meets the road, dear moms. You can lay aside the academic
assignments when you must, but make love the number one lesson. Home is where it
starts. Home is the ideal training ground, the boot camp of life, the laboratory of working
it out until we get it right. Sometimes it’s easy to be “nice” to others outside our homes,
because we don’t have to live with them, and because we want them to have a good
impression of us. But if we can learn to love at home, we are truly successful. Don’t get
discouraged if you don’t experience this yet. Just keeping working at it in the grace of God.
Compassion for others wraps up the whole bundle of good things that God does in
us! It is the one proof to the world that we live in him, and he in us. If you have chosen to
home school in order to empower your children for Christian leadership, then their
education will not be complete without learning, through your compassionate example and
God's grace, how to love.
P.S. A Word About Our Children’s Future Families
In this chapter so far, we’ve been talking about our own families. I want us to look
ahead now to the families our children will have in their adult years. The preparation
starts now!
I shudder when I think about the future of our society, and how family life is sinking
further into the pit. The attack on the traditional nuclear family has been relentless.
Children are expected to express their independence through hideous rebellion. Only a
remnant of teenagers guards their physical purity, and many more compromise their
thought lives. The concept of a faithful lifetime marriage is seen as all but obsolete. The
distinction between the roles of men and women has been blurred and mutilated. The
unborn, handicapped, and elderly are targets for destruction or neglect. It makes me all
the more determined for our family to be a stark example of God's grace and hope, both
now and in the future.
What will the future bring for each of our children? Will they marry and bear
children? Marriage is not God's plan for every young adult. Consecrated single men and
women can give undivided attention to ministry (see 1 Corinthians 7). Do our children
even know that this is an option? Are they acquainted with godly single role models? Are
they determined to live their lives for God’s glory rather than moping around waiting for a
spouse? If our children are destined for marriage, how will they find God-fearing spouses?
We may be hopelessly old-fashioned, but like many home school parents, my husband and
I are very attracted by the model of courtship. Basically, this means that relationships are
reserved for adults who are logistically and emotionally prepared to make permanent
commitments, rather than play around with a series of tender young hearts. The goal is
serious preparation for marriage, so courtship is marked by maturity, purity, and guidance
from parents and pastors. Fortunately, we attend a church where most of the families
share these convictions. Most of the young people hang out in groups, especially after
basketball games, or for lunch after church. This isn’t fool proof, though, especially since
they have cars, cell phones, and e-mail! There have been some bumps along the way, and
we’ve had many in-depth conversations with our older daughters about guarding their own
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hearts, as well as the hearts of the young men they are spending time with. Our girls have
read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris, as well as other
assorted courtship books. Only time will tell what will happen as they move more seriously
toward marriage.
May I share a little of my own story? I first moved to Florida, far away from my
parents, when I was 17 and in my second semester of college. Why? I was “in love” with a
boy I had met on an overseas summer missionary team. It was a very volatile match, and
two years later we canceled our wedding plans. Over the next year, I went on a few dates
and learned the folly of chasing guys who weren’t interested in me. I also devoured
Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion and Purity. I often wondered when I would meet Mr.
Right. Then, when I was almost 21 and a college senior, I met “him” at church. Thad, who
is four years older than I, had not dated for about three years because he was convicted by
the Lord to keep his heart pure. As we got to know each other, he told me he would not
pursue any relationship without the goal of marriage. What a relief that was for me, since I
wanted no further part of the dating scene! Over the next year, the Lord's direction to
marry was confirmed by our families and the pastors who did our pre-marital counseling.
Our wedding was a joyous occasion, and I have reaped the abundant benefits of marriage
to a faithful Christian man.
I want our children to be likewise blessed with Christ-filled marriages, unless God
calls them to sanctified singleness. I often pray for their future spouses, that God would
raise them up in love, wisdom and purity. And I see that I must prepare my own children
to fulfill Biblical roles in marriage. I want my daughters to know that there is no shame in
pouring their lives into being full-time wives and mothers. I want my sons to revel in their
responsibility to lead, protect, and provide for their families. I want them all to know that
children are a precious gift and heritage to be raised in the nurture and admonition of the
Lord. And I hope that when we are old and decrepit, they will still remember to honor
Mom and Dad with tender care!
How can a mom prepare her daughter to be a wife and mother? We can set an
example, in big and small ways, as we live our daily lives. They will learn the essence of it
as they see us relate to our husbands, nurture and discipline our children (including
them!), plan and teach academics, organize, economize, cook, clean, sew, garden, decorate,
fix things, tend to sick ones, show mercy to the needy, and so forth. It will be entirely
natural for them to work alongside us and even to take over various tasks as the years go
by. When they leave the apprenticeship of our homes, they will be equipped!
Likewise, our sons can be prepared for adulthood by watching their fathers cherish
and serve Mom, discipline the children, make leadership decisions, provide and steward
the family finances, maintain the house/yard/car/equipment, and all the other things that
husbands do. Wise parents also make sure that their sons will be capable, in character and
skills, to provide for their families without depending on income from their wives. We are
looking out for our grandchildren!
~*~
Families are our dearest earthly resource. Let's treasure the opportunities we have
to worship, work, serve, play, learn, grow, and love... together.
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CHERISHING YOUR MARRIAGE

A loving, Christ-filled marriage lays such an essential foundation for a successful
home school lifestyle. Does that statement fill you with hope or with a sense of despair?
Perhaps you feel like your marriage has failed. Maybe you are already divorced and you
don’t think this chapter applies to you. Or maybe your husband is not a believer in Jesus,
so a Christ-filled marriage sounds impossible. Please keep reading, because I think you
will find something helpful here anyway.
I know that some of you reading this chapter are feeling so overwhelmed already
that you need a quick infusion of grace for your situation before you read a sentence
further. Here is some encouragement from Carolyn Mahaney:
“If you are in an exceptionally trying situation with your husband, I encourage
you to pour out your heart to the Lord of love. He knows, He sees, and He hears;
and though your tears may be lost on your husband, they are not lost on your
heavenly Father. He is the compassionate Lord who urges us to draw near to
Him so “that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need”
(Hebrews 4:16). Although you may not understand, you can be sure that your
marriage has God’s loving inscription upon it. God’s unerring wisdom has
ordained your relationship with your husband – for your good and for Christ’s
glory. Look to God for strength to endure, for the Lord promises that He will
husband you (Isaiah 54:5-6). God will renew your strength so that you will not
grow weary in cultivating a tender love for your husband. Furthermore, you do
not know what the Lord has planned for your future. Your tender love for your
husband could be the means God uses to soften his heart toward you and toward
Himself. I have seen this happen in many marriages.” 6
Besides Carolyn’s helpful book, I just have to recommend a stellar book on

marriage that I didn’t discover until after 20 years of marriage: Gary Thomas’s Sacred
Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to
Make Us Happy? Gary Thomas is one of my all-time favorite authors. I think I’ve read
eight of his books so far. This particular book has totally changed my perspective on
marriage, just when I needed it most. I was initially resistant toward reading it, but the
more I read, the more I wept and repented for my sinful attitudes. This is not a “how to”
marriage book, but a deeper look into how marriage challenges us to grow. While it
should be required reading for all couples, I think it will be an especially vital
encouragement to those who are struggling with less than ideal relationships. More than
any book on the topic, it has helped me to adjust my thinking to the firm foundation of
Christian maturity in marriage. Two other great marriage-strengthening books are Love
that Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace by Gary and Betsy Ricucci, and The
Excellent Wife by Martha Peace.
Strong and godly marriages never just happen. Certainly no marriage is perfect.
We all have room to grow. A healthy, enduring marriage requires much hard work and
commitment, as well as continual repentance and forgiveness. It is tempting to coast
6
Page 27-28 of Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother by Carlolyn
Mahaney, published by Crossway Books.
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along taking marriage for granted because, after all, we are home schooling, and of course
home school families have it all together; if we don’t happen to have it together yet, well,
we’ll just have to “fake it until we make it.” But what happens when the edges of our
sanity become frayed at home? What happens when we are tempted to settle for
mediocrity? What happens when we let the guard down?
Home schooling doesn't automatically immunize our marriages against conflict or
even divorce. I know plenty of home school marriages that have already broken up, and
even more that are on the rocks. If you are home schooling to build family unity, you can
expect to come under constant attack from Satan. He does not want husbands and wives
to love each other or bear and raise godly children. He will do whatever he can to break
us apart, even in subtle ways. If we think we stand firm, we had better watch out lest we
fall! (1 Corinthians 10:12) Some people assume that Satan only goes after the weaklings
because they are an easy target that he can pick off easily. Some say that he only bothers
to attack the strong folks, because he knows what damage they can do to his evil plans by
extending the Kingdom of God. Let’s not be naïve. He will go after anyone for any
reason! I hate to seem so pessimistic, but this is the truth. However, we do not have to
be victims. God has called us to be overcomers, “more than conquerors” through our
faith in Christ. But to conquer, we must realize we are in a battle.
When I first published this book in 2000, I organized this chapter around five
dangers that war against a marriage in a home school family. In this new version, I’d like
to take a more positive approach, and focus on these seven safeguards to protect our
marriages instead. (Like a mama sneaking vegetables into casserole, I’ll still cover those
dangers!)
♥ Safeguard #1: Focus on Your Foundation
♥ Safeguard #2: Make Your Marriage the Priority Over Every Other Earthly
Pursuit
♥ Safeguard #3: Respect Each Other
♥ Safeguard #4: Forgive Each Other
♥ Safeguard #5: Communicate with Grace and Purpose
♥ Safeguard #6: Guard Your Purity
♥ Safeguard #7: Steward Your Resources
Safeguard #1: Focus on Your Foundation
“At least you have a common foundation in Christ,” my friend encouraged me.
There was a hint of sadness in her voice, because she has what is euphemistically called
an “inter-faith marriage” but which for her is a constant struggle. What keeps her going is
her own strong faith in the Lord, which she had renewed after her wedding. I took her
gentle admonition to heart. While Thad and I didn’t (and don’t) have the perfect
marriage, we at least have Jesus together. That’s huge for me.
So does that mean you are doomed to failure in home schooling if your husband is
not a believer, or is spiritually immature, or has glaring flaws that are adversely affecting
your family? Not at all! But you are going to have to work all the harder at pursuing God
for yourself, at training your children in God’s ways, and at building your marriage
despite the hindrances. Even if you know the Lord and your husband doesn’t, your faith
is still a foundation. Remember these words in 1 Peter 3:1-2?
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“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if

some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the
conduct of their wives— when they see your respectful and pure
conduct.”
The passage in 1 Peter 3 goes on to extol the beautiful and quiet spirit that we all
need as wives. Why? Not just because it makes for a happier marriage, but because it
pleases the Lord!
At our wedding, the soloist sang a song I had written. One line of the chorus went
like this: “Show us your purposes for our union, that we may glorify you, Lord.” Did we
even know what that would entail? After more than two decades, the most important
question for me as I look at my relationship with my husband is still, “What are God’s
purposes for me in my marriage?” One purpose is to use the very challenges of daily life
with my husband to shape me into his own image, to prepare me as the bride of Christ
(Ephesians 5:22-33) and not just the bride of Thad. And that’s a good thing! That’s
where my eyes need to be: on Jesus, not on my circumstances. If my expectations are
resting on the Lord’s grace and mercy, then I will be less likely to place an impossible
burden of expectation on my husband. Likewise, my commitment needs to be on
pleasing first the Lord and then my husband, not on pleasing myself. As I focus on the
Christ’s faithfulness, it becomes my own, and I learn how to be faithful to my husband.
As I contemplate God’s unconditional love, I become willing to receive it and give it to my
husband. My foundation is secure.
One of the benefits of life in the Lord is that we are part of his earthly body. Our
church family has played such a vital role in strengthening our marriage. First, there are
the solid Sunday morning sermons that set our hearts on Christ’s way of love and peace.
Then there are the weekly small groups where we can discuss how to apply Scripture in
our daily lives and relationships. In our church, the couples in each small group meet
together once a month to talk about marriage, often by discussing a book such as Sacred
Marriage. It is through our conversations here that I realize how much we are not
alone, that other husbands are much like my husband, and that other wives are much like
me. This has been so liberating. At a recent couples’ night, a newlywed husband shared
how when he and his wife have a conflict, it helps to pray together. This verse (Matthew
18:20) came to mind: “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there
am I among them.” If we want the best marriage counselor present, all we have to do
is pray, and God shows up! I’m grateful that this young man brought up the idea of
prayer to encourage the rest of us old fogies who have been married much longer. I am
also thankful for our pastors, who have so graciously counseled us when we have hit
bumps in our relationship. They are real human beings who have had struggles in their
own marriages. So they do not see it as a sign of weakness when a couple asks for pastoral
help, but as a sign of strength and humility. I think every marriage needs this kind of
boost somewhere along the way! Our church also hosts family-building workshops and
ladies’ retreats that have benefited my marriage. And finally, there are the friendships I
have with other women who have encouraged me in fulfilling the good plans that God has
for me as a wife and home school mom. What a treasure our church is in helping us focus
on our mutual foundation in Christ!
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Safeguard #2:
Make Your Marriage the Priority Over Every Other Earthly Pursuit
Moms, you are certainly to be commended for all you do in home schooling your
kids. But in all honesty, that’s not the very best thing you can do for them. Yes, I still
think it’s the best educational option, but there is something you can do at the same time
that is even more important: CHERISH YOUR MARRIAGE! I know you’ve heard it said,
“The best thing that parents can do for their children is to love each other.” That is so
true. Your marriage is the foundation for a healthy nurturing home. A strong marriage
will facilitate a home school, but a weak one will destroy it. Unfortunately, moms can be
so devoted to home schooling and dads so consumed in their careers that they become
apathetic to each other and place the marriage relationship to the back burner. We think
our mates will understand that we are too stressed out now for an intimate conversation
or more. We think this will be temporary and that soon we will be “back on track” but it
drags on and on. This leads to resentment, alienation, and loss of productivity. You will
be worse than when you started, because now you need to take more time and emotional
energy to restore the relationship and heal the hurts.
If your husband senses that the home school, hobbies, or ministries are replacing
him as the love of your life (after God), he will resist you in your efforts. If you place him
as the rightful priority, he can be inspired to lift some of your burdens and energize you to
accomplish even more! We all need to carve out prime time for our marriages, even if it
means laying aside other activities.
As you make your marriage a top priority, you will start to think about the very
best ways to add zest to your relationship. You won’t be content to get away with the bare
minimum anymore. You will want to invest fully into bringing joy to your husband’s life
and building the kind of intimacy that is God’s design for marriage. Be creative! Here is a
list to get you started, inspired by ideas given at a workshop at our church:
♥ Find out what he likes you to have finished around the house when he comes home
from work, and then make it a regular practice to please him by doing this. Or do
one of his chores for him as a surprise.
♥ Go for a walk and hold hands. Or lie on a blanket in the backyard and look at the
stars. Or take a picnic to the park.
♥ Don’t give up on date nights just because you have young children. Ask a friend to
keep the children at her house. Fix his favorite dinner, served by candle light. If
your children are home, put them to bed and then enjoy dinner at a card table in
your bedroom. Dress it up with a fancy tablecloth, candles and flowers from the
garden, put on some romantic music, and enjoy a gourmet meal or dessert. This
can be as simple as a mug of hot chocolate and a plate of graham crackers.
♥ You may need to use some of your date night time to plan your schedule and
budget or to sort through your family dynamics, but try to focus on the blessing of
your “just the two of us” relationship.
♥ Try to get away for an occasional weekend without the children! We like to go to
historic St. Augustine (where we honeymooned) and stroll through art galleries,
living history museums, and antique shops.
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♥ Keep your bedroom tidy, smelling fresh, and tastefully decorated. It should be a
haven of rest for him. If you can, set up two comfortable chairs so the two of you
can sit and talk in privacy whenever you want.
♥ Give him backrubs! Oh, this is a daily thing at our house for both of us. Not only
does it relieve stress, but it gives us a chance to touch one another lovingly and
show our affection in practical ways. After all these years of marriage, we know
exactly where to press by feeling around for the tense muscle ripples. Or you can
wash and massage his feet after a long day on them.
♥ Ask if you can plan Valentine’s Day this year, and let him plan your anniversary.
♥ Buy a special treat for him at the grocery store, and make sure your kids don’t
break into it! Keep a secret stash of his favorite candies, and bring one out once in
a while! (Thad hands me a chocolate truffle every now and then when I’ve done a
great job at something or when I look like I need a little lift.)
♥ Take time to write him a letter specifically telling him what you love and respect
about him. You could cut out lots of hearts and pink and red construction paper.
Write a reason you love him on each one and tape them all over the house. (The
kids can do this too!)
♥ Always have your “romantic feelers” out and pay attention to special events
happening in the community, such as free concerts, art festivals, etc.
♥ Hide a small cooler in his car with his favorite drink and snack to enjoy on his ride
home. (Just remember to tell him it is there sometime during the day!)
♥ Burn a CD with some of his favorite songs, or ones that are special to you as a
couple. Put it in his car’s CD player. Or buy him a little MP3 player and load it
with his favorite music so he can take it wherever he goes. We did this for my
husband for Father’s Day, and since he doesn’t have a CD player in his car, I
bought a speaker for it.
♥ Pray for ideas – God will answer you!
A marriage relationship is for a lifetime, long beyond this short period of active
motherhood. If you don't invest intensely in this intimate relationship, you may not have
much in common when your children leave home. The couples who are still gazing
lovingly into each others’ eyes at age 93 are the ones who either kept the fires brightly
burning or who lit them up again after they fizzled out. If you think it’s too late because
the apathy has already set in and the spark has already gone out, DON’T GIVE UP! You
can start all over again, with the same guy. Rekindle, renew, repent, refresh, and rely
fully on God. There is hope.
Safeguard #3: Respect Each Other!

“Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that
she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)
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“R-E-S-P-E-C-T.” We all know how to spell it, but defining it is another thing
altogether. What does it mean? Is it something that someone has to earn, or something
that we grant another person based on their position in life? Well, both. But really, the
best kind of respect is what is freely given out of our own hearts, not necessarily because
someone is divine enough to deserve it or dominant enough to demand it. The sad truth
is, respect between husbands and wives is sorely lacking in even Christian home school
households. I think a lot of it has to do with pride. I know this has been the case in my
heart. It is easy for me to develop a superior attitude toward my husband, thinking I
know much more than he does because I read more about parenting, or because I spend
more time with the kids, or because I have a more intuitive personality, or even because I
know how to use the computer better than he does, or because I have written books, as if
any of that proves anything. At the same time, even when I am not dishing out the
respect that my husband needs, I can hypocritically resent it when I don’t feel waves of
admiration and appreciation flowing in my direction from him. So, I guess I have to
admit that I’m selfish, too!
Yes, wives should be respected! We deserve credit for all of our smart ideas and
hard work. We don’t want “this guy” coming home and asking what we did all day! A
home school mom can feel that her creative talents and nurturing care are unappreciated
since they are hidden away amidst the drudgery of paperwork, laundry, dishes, and PBJ
sandwiches. We can whip out all of the lists on what a housewife would be worth
monetarily if you had to hire someone to do all of that domestic stuff. So I’m not letting
the husbands off the hook here. But, on the other side, how many of us wives are really
making a concerted effort to pour on the respect for our husbands and their masculine
leadership? When did he become “this guy” and cease to be the hunk we were gushing
over on our wedding day? Your husband wants to be more than just a breadwinner, and
God’s blessing flows through a home where he is honored by all. You want to be more
than just a housewife, and what bliss in the family when your husband and children rise
up and call you blessed!
So why is it so hard to respect each other? Part of it is burnout. Look, I know
you’re tired. I really do! I have 10 kids – need I say more? Like me, you’re at very close
quarters with active, curious children all day. To make it worse, your hubby probably
faces the unrelenting drain of office politics, meetings, and phone calls. After trying to be
patient with other people all day, it is easy to get irritable in the evening. It’s easy to tune
each other out. Moms, please don't get so “peopled out” that your husband, your
precious partner, feels unwelcome and disrespected in his own home. If you need a little
buffer time in order to be civil, arrange to lie down alone in a dark room and relax for a
few minutes before Dad comes home. Try to make his home coming pleasant with a fresh
appearance, a warm greeting, and a tidy house. Give him a chance to take his shoes off
and peek at the mail before he gets bombarded with the burdens of the day. Get the
children to tidy up and practice their best behavior, too. We can learn to treat each other
royally.
Some wives struggle with disrespect because they do not understand the inherent
differences between masculinity and femininity. Men are different! We should not
expect them to be always soft, sensitive, tender, creative, and intuitive. I can get irritated
with my husband for being so logical and meticulous in his thinking or for “coming on
strong” when he thinks something needs to change in our home, but in all honesty, I need
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to appreciate how he balances me out. This is part of God’s design for our family. We
would be in huge trouble if he was just like me or if I was just like him.
Another thing that can hinder respect is that many of us did not have strong role
models in this area while we were growing up. If you didn’t have Christian parents, or
even if you did, this might be a generational sin issue that’s tripping you up. You’re just
relating the way that you saw your folks relate, because healthy or not, that’s all you
know! If this is true, acknowledge it, and then move on. You can do better than this.
Don’t use it as an excuse any more. It’s got to stop sometime, so why not now, in your
generation, before your kids starting using it as an excuse in their own marriages?
OK, so what do you do if this respect thing just isn’t happening in your marriage?
I’m not saying you should start gushing praise for your husband if the well has been
running dry for quite some time. He’d probably get suspicious and wonder what kind of
“nutritional supplements” you’ve been popping all day. You can start small. The first
step is to at least get yourself up to the zero line, if you’ve dipped below. In other words,
zap the disrespect! All of it! Cut the criticism, nix the nagging, and wipe out the whining.
Or, as Francis de Sales said in the 17th century, “Have contempt for contempt.”
Expanding on this, Gary Thomas writes in Sacred Marriage, “Contempt is born when
we fixate on our spouse’s weaknesses. Every spouse has these sore points. If you want to
find them, without a doubt you will. If you want to obsess about them, they’ll grow, but
you won’t!” 7
You will also need to stop undermining him in front of the children. “Mary, Mary,
quite contrary, how does your garden grow?” I’ll tell you, that wretched garden grows
weeds of disrespect, because whatever we do, our children will imitate. And if they
disrespect him because of your disrespect, they will invariably end up disrespecting you.
The way you speak to your friends about your husband also reveals your own
character as a wife. If you are grumbling and complaining to whomever will listen, it is
likely that at least some of these folks will commiserate with you and agree with how bad
you’ve got it. They might add in their own poisonous comments about “MEN!” that will
not help your attitude or her attitude at all. Long after you have either forgotten the
offense or learned to interpret it rightly, your friend might still remember your
disparaging comments. This would not build the reputation of your husband among
those who know him, and it might come back to bite you later. I find that I must train my
tongue to be charitable when I am frustrated with something in my marriage. This
doesn’t mean that I pretend everything is perfect when it isn’t, but that I want to be
discrete and respectful to my husband, which in turn honors the Lord who gave him to
me as my life partner.
As you start clearing away the clutter of disrespect that has trapped you in the
negative realm, then you will be more motivated to move things on up to the positive side.
Start simple with noticing and appreciating your husband for the way he already is – and
tell him so! Pay attention! Nobody wants to be ignored. Even the little things really
matter. He takes out the trash. He pays the bills. He locks the doors at night. He prays
with the kids at bedtime. Whatever! Don’t take it for granted!
When you are ready to bump things up a notch from there, you will want to start
soliciting his advice and assistance more regularly. Many moms consider the home
7
Gary Thomas on page 70 in Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More than to
Make Us Happy? published by Zondervan
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school as their own private domain of expertise. Without intending to, they can easily
shut Dad out of his leadership in this important area of family life. Moms sometimes
jokingly refer to their husbands as the “principal” of the home school, but few actually
treat him as that. Dad often has perspective to guide you through a sticky problem if you
are willing to listen. Even if he doesn't seem as “spiritual” as you, don't ignore his counsel
(see 1 Peter 3). He is responsible as leader of the family, so let him lead. There are some
really practical ways that you can cultivate respect for your husband in a home school
setting. You can ask him for observations as you are trying to discern each child’s
preferred learning style. You can involve him in curriculum choice, and not brush him off
if he objects to what you are already planning. Listen to him! If you are going to
rearrange a room or the whole house to accommodate home schooling, seek his logistical
input and his physical brawn. If he wants to tackle teaching math or science or history,
let him! If he can take off time to chaperone field trips, glory be! Dad needs a sense of
ownership in the home school. Now don't go and nag him if he doesn't want to do
anything, but he should feel welcome to participate when he is able.
And finally, at the pinnacle of respect, learn to respond to your husband with your
whole heart, beyond what he says or does. Start seeing him as the gift from God that he
is, and treat him that way!
Safeguard #4: Forgive Each Other!
Let me say this right up front: You married a sinner and so did he! That means
that forgiveness will be a daily necessity, so you may as well get used to it! I know this
seems like a negative section of the chapter. But I want to give us a vision for something
precious. Forgiveness is such a gift for our marriages! It allows each of us a way back
after we’ve blown it in our relationships. It gives us a way to be like Jesus, who sacrificed
himself that we may be forgiven and come into fellowship with our Heavenly Father.
“…and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been
poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to
us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the
ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though
perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God
shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died
for us.” Romans 5:5-8
What a way to be like Jesus! What a way to restore fellowship with the ones whom
we dearly love, even when they have been weak and offended us, or when we have been
the guilty party and they forgive us! I hope that you are as excited about forgiveness as I
am!
Let’s get back to that concept of “You married a sinner and so did he.” This is such
a key to humble restoration in marriage. Elisabeth Elliot says:
“The consciousness that we are alike in our need of redemption is a liberating

one. For there will be times when you find yourself accusing, criticizing,
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resenting… But you will find yourself disarmed utterly, and your accusing spirit
transformed into loving forgiveness the moment you remember that you did, in
fact, marry only a sinner, and so did he. It’s grace you both need… you love,
accept, and forgive that sinner as you yourself expect to be loved, accepted and
forgiven. You know that all have sinned and come short of the glory of God, and
this includes your husband who comes short, also, of some of the glories you
expected to find in him. Come to terms with this once and for all and then walk
beside him as “heirs together of the grace of life.” 8
Gary Thomas, in Sacred Marriage, heartily concurs:
“The key to the discipline of fellowship is understanding this fundamental reality:
All of us face struggles, and each one of us is currently facing a struggle that
we’re having less than one hundred percent success overcoming. If we’re
married, the fact is we’re also married to someone who is failing in some way.
We can respond to this “bitter juice” by becoming bitter people, or we can use it as
a spiritual discipline and transform its exercise into the honey of a holy life. In
this fallen world, struggles, sin, and unfaithfulness are a given. The only question
is whether our response to these struggles, sin, and unfaithfulness will draw us
closer to God – or whether it will estrange us from ourselves, our Creator, and
each other. Will we fall forward, or will we fall away?” 9
I personally want to move toward my husband. I’ve had enough of closing myself
off, of hiding behind a stiff barrier of pride because I didn’t feel like dealing with how he
could possibly hurt my feelings if I opened up to him. I found that bitterness and an
unforgiving spirit tended to quench my affection for my husband. Bitterness will take you
where you do not want to go and keep you there far longer than you think you can bear to
stay. It will defile your children, too.
“Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which
no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace
of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and
by it many become defiled…” Hebrews 12:15 (ESV)
Bitterness is a prison, but the door latch is on the inside of the cell. You can walk
out whenever you choose to forgive from the heart. No, this isn’t easy, but the alternative
is far more arduous. Which would you rather have, a life set free to rebuild your
marriage, or a life chained and corroded by the acid of an unforgiving spirit?
Forgiving your husband does not mean that you ignore his sin. If you sweep the
issues under the carpet, they won’t go away. They will just make your walk very lumpy!
Yes, there are offenses that we can just choose to overlook, especially as we remember
8
I don’t know where this Elisabeth Elliott quote originally came from, but I found it in handouts for a ladies’ retreat
at our church.
9
Gary Thomas on pages 176-177 in Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More
than to Make Us Happy? published by Zondervan
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that all of us have bad moods once in a while, and that we don’t have to take every
misunderstanding as a personal attack. However, if your husband has sinned against
you and this continues to affect your relationship adversely, you may still need to
confront him with gentleness and respect.
“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and
if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven
times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Luke 7:3b-4
Of course, before you speak to your husband about his faults, you must remove the
log from your own eye so that you can see clearly to remove the speck from his, as
Matthew 7:1-5 admonishes us.
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you
pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be
measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's
eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you
say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when
there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out
of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of
your brother's eye.” Matthew 7:1-5
And when you do bring up an observation about his behavior and appeal for him to
change, you need to guard against a tendency to keep nagging him about it. You are not
his personal Holy Spirit. Intercessory prayer is much more effective than nagging! If
there is an unresolved issue that hinders your family's unity, ask God to help you find
specific ways to break it down in love. Then follow through!
“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate

hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one
another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each
other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And
above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect
harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which
indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” Colossians 3:12-15
And do you know what I am thankful for? The ability to do just those very things –
be patient, be humble, be meek, be kind, bear with my husband’s foibles, and forgive
him! What a privilege! Praise the Lord!
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Safeguard #5: Communicate with Grace and Purpose!
Communication is another precious gift from God. Being able to share our
thoughts, our ideas, and even our deepest feelings with someone we love is one of the
main reasons we get married in the first place. It was probably so easy for you to talk
with your darling before you got married, but you’ve probably found that it is not so easy
after the honeymoon! Yes, communicating wisely and graciously with your husband will
take work, time, and patience. We have to think about what we are going to say, and how
it will benefit the other person. We can’t just blurt out the first thing that comes to our
lips. The goal of communication is to build our marriages, so manipulation needs to be
banned from our conversations!
Miscommunication is a very common problem in Christian marriages. I know
what I am thinking in my head, but my words do not always communicate my
assumptions. The problem is that I think they do, and I get frustrated if he doesn’t “get it”
the way I meant it. And if my husband doesn’t understand me, it’s his own fault, isn’t it?
That sounds laughable, but that’s how so many of us operate. We don’t realize how
differently we process information, either because of our own background, or our
personality style, or whatever else may be affecting how we think.
Clarifying your expectations for one another will also help build your marriage.
What do you and your husband expect from each other and the children? Are your
expectations reasonable and suited to your own situation? Have you communicated them
clearly and tactfully and given them ample time? (Whatever our expectations are, we
must put them in the hands of God, who is the only one perfectly able to meet our needs
as husbands and wives.) Periodically ask your husband to be specific about what he
wants from you. What is most important to him? This will vary from husband to
husband. You can't please your own man by assuming he is just like your friend's
husband. Ask your honey to make a list of things that he thinks are important for you or
your family to do or be. Beside each item, ask him to mark “A” for very important, “B” for
moderately important or “C” for less important. If something is vague, prompt him to
add descriptive detail. When he says that he likes an attractive wife, is he talking about a
calm spirit or a new hair-do? If he wants a clean house, does he want you to scrub nooks
and crannies or just keep the clutter at bay? What kind of home school does he envision?
For fellowship, does he want to have another family over for dinner every month or go to
a midweek class at church? What kinds of food does he like? Give him the freedom to
share his heart! To paraphrase Shakespeare, “How shall I love thee? Please list for me
the ways!”
So many of our communication problems arise because we aren’t clear in what we
say, and we get frustrated at not being understood. But then there are times when we
actually intend to be harsh because we are angry. Oh, we’re speaking “the truth” as we
see it, but there is no love in either words or tone of voice. But there needs to be, no
matter how we feel. I often tell my bickering children, “No matter what he says or does or
how you feel about it, you must be kind!” Those are good words for our marriages as
well! How many problems could be avoided if we would just heed the wise words of
Scripture?
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way

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into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body,
joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped,
when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it
builds itself up in love.” Ephesians 4:15-16
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is
good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to
those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom
you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and
wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you,
along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:29-32
So what do you do when there is a serious breakdown in your communication?

I’ve been there, so I am not writing from the ivory tower. There was a time in our
marriage when I realized that something needed to drastically change in the way Thad
and I related to each other. Wishing wasn’t going to make it better, and reacting in anger
only made it worse. I had to do something positive, something redemptive. (Gary
Thomas later confirmed this for me in his book Sacred Influence: What a Man
Needs from His Wife to Be the Husband She Wants, but at the time I just knew
that the Holy Spirit was leading me, and that was enough.) Anyway, back to my story.
Thad and I each had unhealthy patterns in the way we thought about each other and
talked to each other. These made me vulnerable to bitterness, disrespect, and feelings of
estrangement. I knew these concerns needed to be addressed for us to make any lasting
progress. Yes, I could have survived a while longer, but I didn’t want to settle for the bare
minimum when I knew that the Lord had called us to so much more. I wanted a fulfilling
friendship with my husband, not petty tolerance. So I prayed hard and sought counsel
from a wise friend. Then I wrote a long letter to my husband, because I knew that I
wouldn’t be able to say it in a conversation. I confessed the many areas where I had gone
wrong, and I asked for his help as sweetly as I could, with suggestions for specific changes
for both of us. Then I sealed it up and asked him to take a walk with me around a local
lake where we often stroll. As we sat under the gazebo, he read it silently, looking up at
me now and then. To my relief, he responded graciously to me with expressions of
forgiveness and commitment. This was the start of working together to rebuild what we
had let crumble. I am so grateful for my husband, and for the gift of communication!
Safeguard #6: Guard Your Purity!
Christ has called us to be a pure people, having sacrificed himself on the cross to
make this possible. This is not an abstract or “other worldly” concept. It meets us right
where we are. Purity is not a natural thing at all, which is why precious metals must be
refined. Our souls must be continually refined, too! As Christians, we must guard what
God has taken the effort to purify. Please do not think that your commitment to Christian
marriage (somehow implicit in the fact that you home school) will protect you from
temptation. It is foolish to assume we will never feel like compromising the sanctity of
our marriage vows. Any savored thoughts about “someone else” need to be taken captive
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to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). And it is not just about “cheating” on our husbands
physically. Desires for extra-marital emotional intimacy can be just subtly devastating,
even if they don’t lead to blatant sexual sin. If you are justifying your thought life or
indulging in fantasy day dreams, imagine how you would feel if your husband were
thinking about another woman like that. As Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount
(Matthew 5:27-28):
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But
I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent
has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
The book of Proverbs is replete with exhortations about guarding marital purity:
“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own
well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of
water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be
shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you
rejoice in the wife of your youth.” Proverbs 5:15-18 (See also verses 19-20,
as well as Proverbs 7 & 8.)
And again in Hebrews 13:4:
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be
undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Why am I making such a big deal about this? I have seen the havoc that can result
when Christian husbands and wives don’t guard their hearts. Because of indwelling sin,
our hearts are still incredibly self-deceptive. We can justify just about anything that we
want to do, and then still try to blame the bitter fruit on someone else. Dear friends,
temptation can sneak up so unsuspected, even at Christian gatherings. Please be careful
about your speech, actions, and appearance in the presence of others. You may not even
realize that you are flirting with someone until it is too late. And if someone is flirting
with you, even in subtle ways, it can be easy to just enjoy the attention rather than see it
for the danger that it is. An emotional bond, even from a seemingly casual conversation,
can be a powerful thing that could potentially diminish from the rightful bond you are
supposed to have with your husband. Guard your heart! And if you have already given
away a piece of your emotions to someone else, repent before the Lord and ask him to
restore your full affection toward your husband.
Stay-at-home moms have the blessing of shelter from sexual harassment that
women experience in the workplace. I am grateful for that, because I had more than one
coworker make a pass or an innuendo during my earlier career years. However, our
husbands may still be exposed to temptation at the office. Other men can put on the peer
pressure with their jokes, pictures, and off-color comments. Women can be seductive,
either through naiveté or downright brazenness. It's a totally different mind set out there!
While we don't need to be consumed with jealous suspicion, we do need to stand by our
men. Pray for your husband in his daily battle for integrity and purity. Make your
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presence known at his office with occasional visits or a family picture on his desk. Stay
attractive for your husband and fulfill his physical and emotional needs within the
sanctuary of your marriage so that he will be less tempted. Let me make it clear that it is
not your fault if your husband does give in to temptation. However, it will serve your
husband well and please the Lord if you make it easier for him to stay faithful to your
marriage.
“Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a

limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come
together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack
of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:5
Or, to put it in a more positive light:
“You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my

heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace.
How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more
pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume
than any spice! Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my
bride; milk and honey are under your tongue.” Song of Songs 4:9-11a
Now that is the kind of romantic passion which the Lord has designed for our lives!
What a gift!
Safeguard #7: Steward Your Resources!
Finances can be a major stress on marriages. Most of us live on one income and
some still have debts, which can easily cause heated conflict. Perhaps your husband
thinks his hard work isn't appreciated, or worries that you will blow the meager budget on
the home school. As the family grows or orthodontist bills loom on the horizon, he feels
the increased pressure of financial responsibility. You might wish your husband
understood the needs for quality curriculum, magazines, and workshops. Maybe you are
tired of accounting for every penny and wish you had some money to spend on yourself.
Money is an especially volatile issue when one spouse does something really
foolish. Several times in the past two decades or so, my husband and I have each made
mistakes which cost us big bucks. The first temptation is to fume and fuss at the guilty
party, but then we remember that though we are all human and prone to error, God is still
in control. Our marriage is too precious to hold grudges.
If stewardship is an issue in your marriage, I encourage you to sit down with your
husband and talk. Crunch your numbers, research your options, and be willing to
cooperate with one another! You can find creative ways to cut your expenses, increase
your income, and be content with what you have.
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Cutting Expenses
Budgeting: Wise wives stay involved with the family financial situation and are
aware of the cash flow. With their husbands, they use a monthly budget, and review it
together often. Try to be united and “on the same page” with money issues. While my
husband is mostly in charge of the finances, he likes me to transfer my checks and debit
card transactions into his checkbook and specify categories of expenses. We talk often
about finances. As a side note, in case one of us dies unexpectedly, we have an organized
summary file of all of our assets, expenses, and insurance policies. This doesn’t contain all
of our financial documents, but it does have accounts, contact information, web sites, on-
line passwords. I know where the rest of the information can be found if necessary. We
also made a point to update our wills together a couple of years ago. We have seen the
chaos that can result when these details are not taken care of.)
Debt: Are you in debt? If credit cards are problem, yet you need the convenience
of ordering by phone or Internet, use a debit card which takes money from your checking
account. Set up some family rules to curtail spending. Some couples agree not to spend
more than a certain amount of money (like $20) without checking with the other spouse,
and to never spend more than another amount (say $200) without a 48 hour waiting
period, even if they are together. Just think of all the purchases you have regretted, or
other times when you waited and found out you didn't need an item after all.
Health insurance: Is health insurance killing your budget? In our case, since
my husband is self-employed and we have a large family, there is no way we could afford
commercial insurance. Instead, we are blessed to be members of the Samaritan
Ministries health cost sharing plan. For about $250 a month (as of summer 2007) our
family of 12 gets basic health coverage for any illness or injury over $300. We pay our
bills, and then send documentation to Samaritan Ministries. Within a few months, other
members (who are assigned to our case) send their monthly fee directly to us, adding up
to the covered amount. We have added an optional program for injuries resulting from
car accidents, and another for expenses over the already high cap. We have been with
this program for over three years, and wouldn’t switch to anything else. You can check it
out at www.SamaritanMinistries.org.
Miscellaneous stuff: Whatever your expenses are, you can put your
stewardship, diligence, wisdom, and creativity to work! Grandma always said, “Use it up,
wear it out, make it do or do without!”
♥ Avoid eating out or using expensive convenience foods very often.
♥ When running errands, bring food and drinks with you in an insulated bag.
♥ Cancel subscriptions which encourage a materialistic lifestyle.
♥ Make your own gifts, greeting cards, decorations, and entertainment.
♥ Cut your children's hair and learn how to repair clothing and household items.
♥ To save on labor costs, ask friends to help with big projects or barter your skills.
♥ Use garage sales and consignment stores to buy and sell.
♥ Organize your home to avoid replacing lost items.
♥ Borrow seldom used items.
♥ Shop around! If you take your time, you can usually find the best deal.
♥ Alert friends to your upcoming purchases so they can keep an eye out.
♥ Choose items which are versatile enough for many purposes and seasons.
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Curriculum: When you are planning for what educational resources you will
need, try these money-saving strategies:
♥ Shop carefully, concentrating on the basics first.
♥ Borrow, trade, or buy used materials as appropriate.
♥ Look for reusable or reproducible materials.
♥ Try to see products or get personal recommendations before you buy them.
♥ Consolidate mail orders with friends to save on shipping charges.
♥ Consider making some of your own teaching aids.
♥ Use the public library!
One year, a few days before Christmas, I was in a local warehouse store buying
bulk foods. As usual, I was also drawn to the book aisle, where I ogled over the beautiful
sale-priced Kingfisher Children's Encyclopedia. I really wanted to get it (who
knows if it would be there the next time?) but my husband was upset that morning
because I had already blown the budget for children's gifts and home school. I needed to
honor my husband, so the purchase would have to wait. A few hours later, my neighbor
Marie knocked on the door and handed me a wrapped Christmas present for the children.
You know what it was! God provided! This sort of thing has happened so many times
that it’s like a game to see God’s hand at work in meeting our needs – finding an
unexpected but much needed bargain on clearance or discovering a perfectly good
recliner chair at someone’s curb with a free sign on it or being able to trade math books
with a friend. God is good!
Making Extra Income
What about making extra income? If you must work for pay (at home or
elsewhere) you probably battle extra stress and fatigue. On the other hand, the stay-at-
home mom may feel guilty that she isn't working for a second income to pay off debts or
have extra money for fun stuff. She might feel pressured to start a home business on zilch
time and energy. Please let me warn you about taking any job -- at home or away -- which
requires you to routinely shove your wife-Mommy-teacher-house duties aside to meet
deadlines. Any job will divert a portion of your energies, so you may have to drop other
activities. Balance is the key. I have had several years experience as an at-home working
mom doing computer programming and bookkeeping for vastly different organizations: a
Navy contractor, a church denomination, a mid-size company, and a few family
businesses. I know now that it is imperative to avoid employers or clients who would try
to compromise your integrity or usurp the authority of your husband. Further, it is best
to retain the right to either turn down work or fit it into your own schedule. It is
unprofessional to accept a project for which you lack sufficient time or qualifications.
Yes, part-time work can be worthwhile if your husband is supportive, you can still attend
to your family duties, and the extra income allows you to make ends meet so you don't
have to pursue a full-time career. On the other hand, it could be the straw that breaks the
camel's back!
167
Being Content
The most important key to financial success is to be content and thankful with
what God has already graciously provided, knowing that we are his stewards and
channels of his blessings! For encouragement in this area, here is a small sample of
Scriptures from the English Standard Version. Let these Scriptures help you to be
content with your husband’s provision for your family!
“Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend
faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the
desires of your heart… Better is the little that the righteous has than
the abundance of many wicked. The LORD knows the days of the
blameless, and their heritage will remain forever; they are not put to
shame in evil times; in the days of famine they have abundance… I
have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous
forsaken or his children begging for bread. He is ever lending
generously, and his children become a blessing.” Psalm 37:3-6, 16, 18-19,
25-26
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in
whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low,
and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have
learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I
can do all things through him who strengthens me… And my God will
supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ
Jesus.” Philippians 4:11-13, 19
“Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we
brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of
the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be
content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a
snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people
into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds
of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away
from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs… As for the
rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set
their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly
provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich
in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up
treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that
they may take hold of that which is truly life.” 1 Timothy 6:6-9, 17-19
168
Stewardship is not just a matter of money, but all our resources. As homemakers,
we need to work hard taking care of our homes, as we talked about in the Busy at Home
chapter. The more you take care of your possessions, the longer they will last, and the
more you will be able to enjoy them.
“The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands
tears it down.” Proverbs 14:1
~*~*~
Marriage is a priority, a privilege, and a prize. We need to protect it, nurture it,
sanctify it, and commit it to God. A strong marriage is a legacy of love to our children
and, in the Lord, is the foundation for building our family team. When children see Mom
and Dad deeply in love, isn't this one of the most vital lessons they can learn in this school
called home?
“Grow old with me! The best is yet to be,

the last of life for which the first was made.”
Robert Browning (1812-1889)
“Come live with me, and be my love,

and we will some new pleasures prove,
0f golden sands, and crystal brooks,
with silken lines and silver hooks.”
John Donne (1572-1631)
169
THE HOME SCHOOLED MOM

It's lesson planning time! As you prepare your heart and mind to teach your
children, your thoughts roam through the tasks at hand. The books are all lined up and
the pencils are sharp. This child is learning fractions, that one is doing chemistry labs,
and the preschooler is discovering the alphabet. But wait! Did you forget a student?
What about Mom? You are being home schooled too! Don't say, “I'm so busy teaching
my children that I don't have time to learn things for myself!” Make time! It will help you
stay fresh, serve your family more effectively, and set an example to your children of the
joy of lifelong learning. Being a “home schooled mom” involves several things:
♥ Continue Your Teacher Training

♥ Study with Your Students
♥ Keep Those Brain Waves Rolling
♥ Nurture Your Creativity with Home Arts
♥ Accelerate Your Learning Curve
♥ Find Your Own Learning Passion!
Continue Your Teacher Training
School administrators know that teacher training is not a one-shot deal, so they
require continuing education classes. Likewise, home school teachers need to keep on
researching about the learning process. There is always something fresh to discover!
Reading several home school books and magazines will give you a broad spectrum of
approaches and ideas. One word of caution: home school books and magazines are a
great prescription against discouragement, but like any “medicine,” overdose is possible!
If you spend too much time reading, you may end up feeling overwhelmed and
inadequate. Not every idea or standard fits your family right now, and even the ones that
do must be taken a little at a time.
No home school author has a perfect perspective, no matter how strongly the
opinions are expressed or how nifty the techniques seem. Prudent parents evaluate each
idea by Scripture, “second opinions” from other families, and their own experience
teaching their children. Should you teach your child to read at age four, or delay until age
eight? Should you allow them to count on their fingers or use a calculator? Should you
ever use textbooks? What about flash cards? The bottom line is that we are free to try a
wide variety of teaching techniques in order to find what works for each of our children.
I'm not saying that moms should skip discontentedly from one expensive product to
another; each one deserves a fair trial. However, your trial-and-error will be less prone to
error if you make it a goal to read regularly about home schooling or special learning
challenges facing your children.
170
Study with Your Students
Another way to be a “home schooled mom” is to study school subjects along with
your children. This doesn't take much extra time, since you have to read most of their
books anyway. Whichever curriculum style you use, you can:
♥ Giggle with them at the animal pictures in a nature book.

♥ Drink in the high quality literature which you may have missed as a child. )I
often find myself choked with tears during the tender parts.)
♥ Let history come to life through captivating stories and biographies.
♥ Check out related adult-level books to enhance your own perspective.
♥ If your students learn a new style of handwriting, consider changing yours too.
♥ Explore the intriguing principles behind math equations or science
experiments.
♥ When you are curious about a subject, look it up in the encyclopedia.
♥ When you are at a loss for just the right word, reach for the thesaurus.
A great side benefit is that while you are soaking in all of this fascinating
information, your enthusiasm will be a contagious motivation for your children in their
own learning pursuits.
Keep Those Brain Waves Rolling!
Make regular time for stimulating your brain. Home schooling can be demanding
and draining -- as well as exciting and fulfilling. Don't succumb to the routine or get
stuck in a rut! Truly creative home school moms learn to keep electrical energy zipping
through the gray matter. They prepare their minds for action (1 Peter 1:13) so that they
are ready for situations that come up.
When we hit the snags of home schooling, we really need our wits about us! As
with any worthwhile life choice, there will be hard times when you feel like giving up. All
of us have days when almost nothing gets done or when our children don't act like the
rosy-cheeked cherubs of our dreams. As you seek practical solutions to the situations you
encounter, you will be amazed at your own creativity. Brainstorming is a very valuable
skill which you can teach your children by example and by letting them participate.
As you encounter each problem (um, I mean “opportunity for growth”!), sit down
and analyze what is really bugging you or what is hindering your progress. There are
solutions, so take some quiet time to think and ask God for wisdom, ala James 1:2-8.
Sometimes the answer is “stick with it and learn endurance”, but at other times you will
gain insight into specific things that you can do. You will find that you grow in
organization skills, self-discipline, and creativity.
Home school is for real life -- and you are being home schooled too! The most
common use of our God-given creativity is daily problem solving. Do you ever face
questions like these?
171
♥ What can I do to freshen up my quiet times with God?

♥ What should I teach until my backordered school books arrive?
♥ How can I help my third-grader memorize the multiplication tables?
♥ What should I do when I can't afford the curriculum I want?
♥ How can I get my children to eat their vegetables?
♥ What educational things should we do on vacation this year?
♥ How can we finish everything we need to do today?
♥ How should I arrange the school room?
♥ How can I protect my computer when the preschooler uses it?
♥ What can I do with this leftover chicken?
It's time to start brainstorming! Pray for God to inspire you and to remove mental
blocks. Thank him for your resources as you take inventory of what you do have to meet
each need. You may find the answer right at home! Here are a few hints on the
brainstorming process.
Saturate your brain with the situation, thinking through each facet of
it. Look at it from different angles. For a particularly sticky problem, grill yourself with
hard questions about any personal barriers you need to overcome. Think of other areas in
which you creatively solved a practical problem, and how that knowledge can carry over
to your new situation.
Read about the subject and talk with other people. The discussion process
can make it all seem clear. Since home school moms are generally creative and helpful
people, ask for their opinions at several points in the process. Ideally your support group
is a big idea exchange. We can always benefit from another's perspective and experience.
List all possible options and ideas, no matter how crazy. Don't be afraid
to try something different! For example, think of how to use what you already have in an
entirely different fashion, such as partitioning a room with a bookshelf or storing game
pieces in a plastic frosting container. Add a little spice to academic subjects by using a
smorgasbord of various approaches, activities and learning modes. Let your child choose
interesting sub-topics and resources for further independent research. Invest in or make
high-interest supplementary materials: hands-on manipulative materials, games, colorful
charts, etc. Do something to give your home school a jump start.
Write down all of your thoughts and nifty ideas promptly so you won't
forget. You can always come back to them later if your train of thought is interrupted.
Evaluate the options, pro and con. Include prices, time required, drawbacks,
uncertainties and expected results. Give yourself plenty of time to let these things rattle
around in your brain. Then choose the best alternative and try it out. Did it work? If not,
don't be discouraged! Change something or start over with Plan B or even Plan C.
Remember Thomas Edison and his thousand failed attempts to invent the light bulb!
172
Nurture Your Creativity with Home Arts
How about home schooling for mom? Our creative home arts skills can flourish in
our families and then overflow to the outside world. They make our lives more beautiful
and satisfying. Edith Schaeffer, in The Hidden Art of Homemaking, encourages
women to develop and express the “hidden arts,” the little creative things you do in your
home that sometimes no outsider even sees. You might take them for granted, not aware
of their potential, but if you start small and practice them consciously in your daily life,
you may see them blossom outward from your home.
Our creativity flows from the fact that we are made in the image of our Creator.
The Holy Spirit fills us with unique skills, abilities, and knowledge to serve God and
others, not just ourselves. In Exodus 35-36, Bezalel and Oholiab not only crafted sacred
articles for the temple, but taught their skills so others could join in the holy task. The
shepherd boy David ministered with anointed music to soothe a disquieted king (1
Samuel 16:14-23) and wrote everlasting psalms of praise. Dorcas, in Acts 9, made clothes
for poor people. The creative Proverbs 31 woman also spread out her hands to the needy.
What do you think of as creative? Here are a few ideas:
♥ drawing, painting, calligraphy, sculpture, stained glass

♥ photography, photo album arranging, origami, booklet making
♥ toy making, greeting card design
♥ sewing, needlework, clothing design, costuming
♥ hair styling, wardrobe selection
♥ singing, playing a musical instrument, composing music or lullabies
♥ puppetry, drama, poetry, humor, choreography
♥ story telling, fiction/factual writing, letter writing
♥ cooking, baking, menu planning, experimenting with recipes
♥ hospitality, celebration
♥ flower arranging, landscaping, gardening
♥ home organization, interior decoration, furniture restoration
♥ inventing, teaching, mentoring, problem solving
Obviously, you can't do it all! What do you want to do? Are you confined to the
things for which you have natural talent? Some things may come easier, some you may
enjoy more, and others you may excel at. However, you can learn a little something about
many things to enrich your family and home school. Ask yourself these questions:
♥ What talents have I already nurtured?

♥ What hidden arts or secret ambitions do I want to develop?
♥ How can I use these talents to serve God and others?
♥ What steps must I take to get started?
♥ What equipment and supplies do I need?
♥ Can I get a friend to teach or coach me?
As you evaluate the options, please realize that creativity changes with
motherhood. Your stage in life may inspire you to delve into areas you had not thought of
173
before. On the other hand, if you have young children but you don't have a separate place
for your own projects, there may be some activities you will have to save for another
season of life. For me, this includes oil painting and extended quilting projects, since they
involve time, mess, spread out space, and hazardous supplies. I still do crafts with the
children, draw with markers, sew simple items, make up songs, and write. Calligraphy
would be another fitting hobby since it requires minimal setup and supplies, and can be
used for home decoration and gifts. What a blessing it would be to have beautiful
Scripture passages to grace our walls!
Accelerate Your Learning Curve
When my daughters came home from Miss Dee's house with glowing accounts of
baking bread from scratch, I just had to tease Dee about being “homier than thou.” But
one day, since my husband has a weakness for homemade bread, I decided to try my hand
at whole wheat. I called Dee for a recipe, gathered my ingredients, and plunged in. Three
weary hours later, I had four soggy loaves, five dough-covered daughters and a totally
messy kitchen. “Why did I ever do that?” I wondered. Yet I had lots of flour and yeast left
over, so a couple weeks later I tried it again with a different recipe. I'm glad to say it was
much easier and tastier the second time around! Several months later, I could bake four
loaves with only about 30 minutes hands-on time. What made the difference? It was the
learning curve! I had to discover more efficient ways to work, twiddle with the recipe,
invest in tools and supplies, and learn to assemble large batches of dry bread mix ahead of
time. I also found sources for bulk ingredients. For example, a two pound package of
yeast costs about $2.50 at a warehouse club, which is a better buy than the four ounce
$4.00 jar at the grocery store! But now I must confess the pinnacle of my learning curve:
my mom gave me her old bread machine and now it's a snap! So was it a waste of time
doing all the fiddling and learning? No! I still make my own huge canisters of bread mix
with bulk ingredients, and at least now I know how to make bread by hand if necessary. I
was also able to teach my daughters how to do it, and some of them actually enjoy the
process!
Much of motherhood and homemaking requires learning curves. We need time to
acquire the skills of our trade without expecting instant success. Whatever the subject is -
- academic instruction, child training, marital communication, cooking, gardening, hair
cutting, sewing, crafts or house cleaning -- at the start it seems like you'll never get it
right. It just doesn't seem worth the effort, does it? Yet you persevere. Try, try, try again.
Practice makes perfect, and all that stuff. Pretty soon you're a veteran. An extended trial-
and-error process is not always necessary. Creativity is not just a matter of totally
spontaneous originality. Our projects are often based on previously developed plans such
as recipes or patterns. Especially when we are learning a new skill, we must be willing to
follow instructions. When we have gained enough proficiency, then we can branch off
into more original ideas. In my eighth grade sewing class, the teacher told us to go buy a
pattern for a simple piece of clothing. Being a rather fanciful girl, I had other ideas! I
sketched an elaborate velvet gown and told Mrs. Gregg that this would be my sewing
project. “No way!” she replied. “You don't even know how to sew yet, much less design
something like that!” I meekly bought a pattern for a rather plain skirt, followed the
instructions, and learned the basics. The principles and practice from two years of home
174
economics classes have served me well for 20 years. Now I can follow packaged patterns
as well as design my own projects. Do you want to accelerate your learning curve?
Consider these tips:
♥ Read about your topic; the library is full of how-to books.
♥ Start with some form of written instructions or one-on-one coaching.
♥ If you have problems, ask someone to help you troubleshoot.
♥ Plan ahead to be sure you have the tools, supplies, time, and space.
♥ Relax and take a deep breath. It’s hard to work when you are tense.
♥ Work slowly and methodically, referring to your instructions often.
♥ Make sure you clean up promptly so the project won't haunt you!
♥ Evaluate the results and think of how you could do it differently.
♥ Write down your new ideas and try a few of them next time.
♥ After you have a grasp of the basics, you customize the project as you want.
♥ If you really don’t like it after a while, chalk it up to experience and quit!
Don't be afraid to try new things, including fresh variations on old routines or
projects. Allow learning curves for the rest of your family too. Affirm their efforts and
encourage their creativity, but don't demand perfection or squash enthusiasm. Let us all
curve right on up to success. If we are skilled in our work, we'll serve before kings -- like
King Jesus!
Find Your Own Learning Passion!
Forget what your kids are learning for a moment! Do you have a topic that
interests you personally? Give yourself permission to do a little research and reading.
This is a good example for your children, as long as you don’t get carried away with it to
the detriment of your family schedule. You can’t learn about everything, but I’ll bet you
could be an amateur-expert (is there such a thing?) about one or two subjects. I obviously
love to research about family life, education, and Christian growth. In my case, I write
from the overflow of what I learn, and this has turned into two books and ten years worth
of e-magazines and freelance articles. I also love literature and history, which in turn
richly equips me to teach in our home school co-op classes. I’ve been told that my
enthusiasm for the subjects is abundantly evident. That’s because it comes from my
heart! No, you don’t have to write books or teach classes about your chosen subject, but
I do encourage you to enrich your own life and your family by learning for a lifetime.
~*~
As I have shared my heart with you, I pray that this book has encouraged you to
see the great dignity and worth of being a home school mom. By your example, your
children will see that home is a center for creativity, joy, and growth. They will see that
skills and relationships developed in our families fit us for service in God's big world
outside. And that is what home schooling is all about!
175

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The Real Life

Home School Mom:

THE HOME SCHOOL MOM'S ALPHABET

Accept, admire, affirm, and appreciate your family.

Original Copyright 2000 New Edition 2007

Printed in the United States of America

Books by Virginia Knowles

Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled Home Education for Preschool to 5th

THE REAL LIFE HOME SCHOOL MOM

Dedication and Acknowledgements ... 4

Part 1: Home Schooling Basics

Blessed and Stressed ... 7

Part 2: Daily Life and Logistics

Life Management 101 ... 63

Part 3: Living, Loving and Learning from a Mother’s Heart

In Search of Sanity ... 94

My dear husband, Thad and

From the bottom of my heart,

My dear friends at NearHim Home Educators, Orlando Grace Church,

Blessed and Stressed

The Entire Object of True Education

The entire object of true education is to make people

John Ruskin, 1819-1900

BLESSED AND STRESSED

The Benefits of Home Schooling

Sometimes to keep ourselves on track, we need to go back to the beginning and

The Challenges of Home Schooling

The Evaluation Blues: I still remember our first official evaluation in

 working moms, unemployed dads, and/or very tight budgets

How Are You Doing?

AIM FOR THE HEART

A Christ-filled Life of Spiritual Maturity

Creator, Creation & Creativity

1Romancing Your Child’s Heart, page 99, by Monte Swan

Learn to Discern: To Know and Do What is Right and True

Preparing Your Children to Face Adversity

Cultivate a sense that God is in control, no matter what happens. Show

A Sense of “Calling” for Life

Nations & Generations:

Justice & Mercy

“He has showed you, O man, what is good.

One of the greatest privileges of educating my own children is the opportunity to

THEORY & PRACTICALITY:

Working With the Author of Life

Entering into Your Own Philosophy of Education

With this emphasis on keeping God at the center of education, it is nevertheless

Theories, Methods and Materials: Tools for Teaching and Learning

Traditional Structured Approach: The classroom style of home education,

♥ Set up a reasonable daily schedule for each family member.

Relaxed Schooling / Unschooling: Almost diametrically opposed to the

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Unit Studies

Classical Approach: This medieval system of education, revived in this century

Computer Technology: Not usually seen as a distinct “approach” to education,

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Computer Technology

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Cooperative Learning

The Eclectic Approach: Synthesizing Your Own Style

It it Time for a Change in Home Schooling?

Education for the Future: What About College?

Determine the Style and Capabilities of Each Child

Provide Appropriate Curriculum and Resources

Timberdoodle www.Timberdoodle.com (360)426-0672

Rainbow Resource www.RainbowResource.com

Christian Book Distributors www.ChristianBook.com (800)247-4784