Darlene Sanchez November 23, 2013 Educational Biography Power of Language Growing up in the city of Los Angeles, I was

raised by both my mom and my grandparents. While my mom was at work, my grandparents would take care of me. I would spend hours with my grandparents playing with dolls, learning how to ride my bike, having pillows taped to my butt as they taught me how to roller-skate, and even listening to my grandparents stories from when they were kids. I grew up speaking Spanish because of my grandparents. I remember the different stories my grandma would share with me about her childhood life in Mexico. Her house was described as la casa grande, the big house. Walking into la casa grande from the front door of the house, she explained the kitchen on the left side and the living room on the right side. Straight ahead was a hallway which led into three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The way my grandma spoke about her childhood was beautiful. It was real to her, almost like if she was reminiscing back to the good times she spent in Mexico with her family. You could see it in her facial expressions that she was being taken back to that place and time, reliving some of the many wonderful memories where she was together with all of her loved ones. There is nothing better than being around the people you love the most and feeling that sense of warmth and security. The words my grandparents spoke to me made me feel protected and loved. Just like Majorie Agosin, my grandmother recollects the familiar ways of her childhood as she shares her stories with me in her Spanish language. This shows me her great love for her homeland, and suddenly I feel connected. I used to be a fluent Spanish speaker as a child, but

then it came time for me to grow up and go to school and thats when English became my primary language. The students around me spoke English to one another. Of course I understood what they were saying in English since my mom spoke to me in both languages. I was so used to always speaking Spanish more than English. I knew if I wanted to fit in with everyone at school, I would have to speak English; and so speaking English instead of Spanish became an everyday habit for me. Once I started attending school, I spent a less amount of time with my grandparents. I went from spending mornings through evenings with my grandparents, to just seeing them for a bit in the afternoons. Everyday was the same routine. Afterschool, they would pick me up and Id go to their house until my mom got out of work. Id get to their house, greet my aunt and my great grandmother, eat with them and then do all of my homework. By the time I was finished with homework my mom was already out of work and on her way to pick me up. My schedule didnt really allow me to have the time to sit around and interact with my grandparents as much as I use to. Spanish was not spoken during our class lectures and in time my Spanish became weak. I miss that undulating and sensuous language of mine, those baroque descriptions, the sense of being and feeling that Spanish gives me. I realized that because I was spending a less amount of time with my grandparents, my Spanish was weakening both orally and in terms of comprehension. Now I am older but I somewhat struggle to keep a flowing conversation in Spanish with my grandparents. There are times when I get embarrassed because I feel like I am not making sense. I begin to feel nervous and insecure, hoping that the words that are coming out of my mouth are making some kind of sense. I then begin to feel tongue tied because with the look on my grandparents face, I know that my words are not making sense. I feel the blood rushing through my face, feeling hot and then I just stand there quietly without a sound. What am I suppose to say? What am I suppose to

do? I feel like my grandparents are being let down all because of me. They had taught me how to speak such a beautiful language and suddenly it was fading away. It is difficult for me to have a full on conversation in Spanish with someone. I am able to understand the other person, especially when they are not speaking so fast. Sometimes I feel bad because my grandpa tries talking to me, but he just talks so fast that I can not even make out the words that are coming out of his rapid mouth. Even when I do try making out what it is hes telling me, there are words that I have never even heard of before. When I ask him to repeat himself he seems bothered, not because I wasnt listening to him, but because I just cant really comprehend what he is saying when he speaks so fast. I continue practicing the language so that one day I will have the ability of a fluent Spanish speaker as I once did long ago as a child. The Spanish language is such a beautiful sound, like a song written in our hearts forever; a melody waiting to be spoken. I feel like I can relate to Sofia Gomez. Sofia describes how she learned English and how everything that is around you when you are a child is still a learning experience. Her experiences are comparable to mine because we both had certain privileges in our early education. Our efforts on receiving a good education were similar because of the advantages we had that others didnt; the advantage of being able to speak multiple languages. This was a learning experience for me. It was something I had to make sure I was practicing everyday. I think that introducing a second language for children is an advantage, since their minds are much more receptive to new things than when they are adults. Reading in Spanish is not a problem for me. When it comes to having to write in Spanish, I struggle and get stuck on how certain words are spelled or where accents should be placed. Sometimes Ill ask my mom for help on how to spell certain words in Spanish, but it can be quite frustrating when all she says is spell it out the way it

sounds. When she says this, I think to myself if I knew I would not be asking you. Judith Ortiz Coher once said, To write in Spanish is for me a gesture of survival. I know it really is not all that hard, but when your family is able to carry on a full conversation with each other in Spanish, and youre just standing there like whats going on? you begin to feel left out. I remember when my great grandmother turned 100 years old. Our whole entire family flew to Colima, Mexico to celebrate. During our time in Mexico I got to meet so many family members I had never met before. My uncles, aunts, and cousins all spoke Spanish perfectly, and here I was trying to pull Spanish words together to form one sentence. Although the few Spanish words that I still remembered were what helped me communicate with my relatives, I wish I would have been able to keep the conversation going longer. I had so many questions I wanted to ask my cousins, but because of the lack of words to say I was never able to ask. It wasnt so much fun seeing the way everyone was interacting with each other without a problem. I felt so out of place, trying to make my way out of one conversation after the other only because I was the one not able to respond. Even though I am constantly struggling in these areas, I know I must find a way to work on this so that I may one day feel a sense of security whenever I speak to my grandparents and other family members in Spanish. Maybe all I have to do is keep on practicing my Spanish, after all practice makes perfect. Soon, I will be able to feel like I belong, just like Shannon Nichols. Shannon Nichols worked hard to achieve all of her goals. I felt like a failure. I had disappointed my family and seriously let myself down. Worst of all, I still could not figure out what I was doing wrong. Putting in my time and effort will eventually help me out a lot and my grandparents will be so proud of me. They will no longer have to deal with trying to figure out what Im trying to say and everything will make perfect sense like it did once before.

Just like Judith Ortiz Cofer, I want to feel like I belong. Her story of how she was raised to act and dress like a young lady and how she was sent to a Catholic school, reminded me so much of myself. I was raised this way as well and I also attended a Catholic school. My grandparents are really religious and conservative, so being raised by them I already knew how I was expected to dress and act. Because of my education and my proficiency with the English language, I have acquired many mechanisms for dealing with the anger I experience. I have been raised to act proper, and I know what is expected of me especially when it comes to my education. In freedom writers I felt a great connection with the students as I read the writings of their different diaries. The peanut game was something that stood out to me the most. Its not the messenger but the message. I see this as a way of speaking through the language; its not who is speaking but what is being said. Everyone is their own peanut in their own shell. Every peanut and every shell might look the same way but we are all different. My culture and language will always be a part of my peanut shell. The way to reconnect to my Spanish language is for me to continue to practice in the same way my grandparents taught me the language in their own tongues. I will soon be able to reconnect to the beautiful melody that I once left behind. Even today I see the way some of my family members react to three of my cousins that know absolutely no Spanish at all. They give my cousins such a hard time for not speaking the language of our culture. When I see this, it reminds me to practice my Spanish more and more because I dont ever want to be put in the same situation as my cousins. As it is, I already feel humiliated when I get tongue tied. At least for me, I can understand what my relatives are saying when speaking in Spanish. My cousins didnt have the advantage of being raised by my

grandparents like I did. Im pretty sure that if my cousins did have this benefit, they wouldnt have the problem of not knowing any Spanish whatsoever. Everyone needs motivation for success. My motivation comes from knowing that once I am able to speak Spanish fluently again, I will be able to carry many long and engaging conversations with my grandparents just like I did when I was a child. Carol S. Dweck explains that a person must develop intelligence through effort. Some students believe that their intellectual ability is a fixed trait. They expect to have things given to them without working for it. Other students believe that their intellectual ability is something they can develop through effort and education. I see myself as having a growth mindset. As a child I was introduced to two languages and it was my responsibility to put in effort in order to keep fluent in this language. I do not want to continue my life without the fluency of my Spanish language. One day when I am married and have children, I would like for them to speak the words of our culture. It is important for me because it will help my family interact with each other and express our needs and feelings. I wish for this to grow upon me and to recapture the memories of how the Spanish language once brought my grandparents and I closer together. In the future, I would like to visit Mexico with my new family, in hope that they understand the Spanish language and are able to fluently speak it so that they wont ever feel the way I do. Not only is the Spanish language beautiful or important to me because of my culture, but because it is one of the worlds most common languages and a product of being connected with others around you. In time, I will regain the beautiful connection through the power of the Spanish language that will hopefully reconnect the strong bond I once shared with my grandparents. Being around people who spoke Spanish was an advantage for me, but was soon dismissed when I started

school. Loosing my Spanish language made me feel out of place and because of this I was not able to have full on conversations with my grandparents as much as I would have liked to. I would like to hear more wonderful stories from my grandma. I know now that all I need to do is practice more. The next time my grandmother shares another one of her beautiful stories with me about her childhood, I know I will be able to sit there and imagine everything as though I were there in that specific place, time and moment. Our beautiful Spanish melody is yet to be heard, and when it is sung, our words will be stronger than ever.