"An especially readable and visually stimulating addition to the literature in the field of NLP.

" Robert Dilts CO author of Belief's: Pathways to Health & Well-being co author of NeuroLinguguistic Programming, Vol ! "A delightfully illustrated presentation of the basic precepts of Neuro linguistic Programming. One of the concepts they teach is the importance of being fle!ible in your communicative output. "his boo# embodies that fle!ibility." $edges Capers% Ph.D. &orld reno'ned "ransactional Analysis lecturer and educator ("his is truly )agic of NLP "emystifie# &ritten in an informal and entertaining style% this boo# 'ill introduce the reader to a remar#able ne' approach to the study of human communications and therapeutic change. )anagers% sales people% consultants% therapists% parents% educators anyone interested in or involved 'ith influential communications and personal change 'ill benefit from reading this unusual boo#. *+,N - ..../ 0-1 0

)A2*C of NLP D3)4+"*5*3D

$ Pragmatic %ui#e &o 'ommunication & 'hange

,yron Le'is 6 5ran# Puceli#

PREFACE
"his 'or# represents the culmination of several years of training and self e!ploration 'ithin the confines of a specific sphere of study. *t 'as in the early -710(s that * 'as led through a po'erful therapeutic e!perience by t'o important people in my life% 5ran# Puceli# and Leslie Cameron 8no' ,andler9. "hat session had a profound and lasting effect on me. +oon after the e!perience * found myself thin#ing% "* 'ant to learn ho' to do that #ind of magic:" And so * did. &ith the help of Leslie and 5ran#% * became a member of a small e!perimental research therapy group in +anta Cru;% California. "hus * became one of a gro'ing number of people 'ho 'ere actually studying the magic of therapeutic gro'th and change. "his e!tremely creative and generative group of people centered around t'o e!citing and charismatic individuals< Richard ,andler and =ohn 2rinder. Caught up in the enthusiastic energy of the group% * found my perceptions heightening% my abilities gro'ing% and my o'n model of the 'orld e!panding as if by magic. *t 'asn(t enough% ho'ever% to simply learn ho' to do this therapeutic 'i;ardry. * 'anted to share it 'ith others. * began to compile noteboo#s detailing my learning e!periences and started to see clients under the supervision of therapists 'ho 'ere also interested in the )eta materials. *t didn(t ta#e long to develop a style of my o'n% and * labeled my notes "A )odel for a Process (theory of Personality." *

'as sure * had found ""he Right "rac#." *t too# a 'hile for me to become a'are of the trap * had set for myself. As * read and continued to study and 'or# 'ith people% * discovered that my model 'as continually being stretched% e!tended% e!panded% and enlarged. ,ut >ust as often it 'as also shrun#% crushed% pierced% and mutilated. * 'as ama;ed. *t 'as during a moment of ?uiet desperation that * created a symbolic representation of the 'onderful contradictions confronting me. *t represents both the confusion * 'as feeling 8don(t get me 'rong * thoroughly en>oyed it:9 and recognition of the trap from 'hich * 'as escaping% the trap of thin#ing that there is only one reliable% accurate% and successful path to therapeutic gro'th and change. "he symbol has held an important place tac#ed to the 'all above my type'riter. *t loo(s li(e this:

< ONE WAY >

)y goal 'ith this boo# is to present models of basic )eta principles 'hich underlie the "magic" of effective change oriented communication. $o'ever% it is essential to #eep %n mind ho' important it is to remain open to e!perience in order to prevent becoming trapped or limited by a model. "o'ards that end * have structured parts of this presentation to emphasi;e that there are al'ays alternatives. &e need only learn ho' to recogni;e them.

December 27, 1979 Byron A. Lew !

"N#ROD$C#"ON
. . . 'e must learn to understand the "out of a'areness" aspects of communication. &e must never assume that 'e are fully a'are of 'hat 'e communicate to someone else. "here e!ists in the 'orld today tremendous distortions in meaning as men try to communicate 'ith one another. 8p. /79 3d'ard ". $all "he +ilent Language *n his boo# Persuasion an# Healing, =erome 5ran# identified the ma>or goals of various approaches to psychotherapy. "hese include efforts to reduce the client(s distress% increase his self esteem% help him to function better at 'or# and in his relationships% and ". . heighten his sense of control over himself and his environment." 8p. /009 *t is important to note that% as 'e become a'are of some of those "out of a'areness" aspects of communication referred to by $all% 'e enhance the sense of control that 5ran# has identified as a ma>or goal of psychotherapy. "his boo# is dedicated to improving our ability to perceive% identify% and utili;e certain aspects of the communicative process that are not normally in our conscious a'areness. "his is also a hun# about change. *t is a collection of effective tools for assisting in the resolution of problems

found in many settings. "he patterns discussed can assist anyone to more fully participate in and control the gro'th e!perience of positive change. "he )eta principles presented in this boo# encompass many schools of psychological thought. "hey include elements from each of the follo'ing areas of psychology< beha)ioral psychology% 'hich emphasi;es observable behavior and stimulus response connections@ humanistic psychology% 'hich stresses free 'ill and sub>ective e!perience@ cognitive theory% 'hich covers the transformation of sensory stimulation in terms of coding% storing in memory% and retrieval systems@ tra#itional *sychothera*y, 'hich deals 'ith conscious and unconscious distinctions of thoughts% fears% and 'ishes that may or may not manifest themselves in a'areness@ and information dra'n from various neurological studies% especially studies of changes 'hich occur in the nervous system. "he term "meta" is used because the model 'hich is developed is about rather than a part of all of these% and the emphasis is on the processes of change. "his boo# does not propose a ne' approach to psychotherapy% a ne' "philosophy of life%" or a ne' 'ay to get "*"." &hat it does offer is the opportunity to e!perience personality and communication as processes. "he te!t presents a blend of research% theory% and relevant portions of transcripts from therapeutic sessions and educational seminars. "he emphasis is on models% for it is through them that 'e can share a 'ide range of comple! e!periences. "he medium of study is the process of communication% and special attention is paid to areas generally thought to be unconscious or una'are communicative behavior.

*t has been my e!perience that% 'ith the help of a teacher% counselor% or therapist% people are able to resolve many of their problems. "here is often a certain degree of change in personality as a result of insight gained or behavioral modifications programmed into the individual during the sessions. "his change assists the individual in "coping" 'ith particular difficulties. &hat these therapeutic e!periences usually do not do% ho'ever% is systematically create a reference structure a set of e!periences that 'ould

enable a person to change his coping patterns in response to ne' difficulties. *n my 'or# 'ith people% * have found that by presenting information to them in specific 'ays% that is% by being e!plicit about the processes involved in change and positive gro'th% clients can learn to have many of the same resources the teacher and therapist have for solving problems. "his systematic demystification of normally out of a'areness aspects of communication gives the client a heightened sense of control over himself and his environment. Although this is not true for every client% the patterns used to obtain the information about a client(s communicative behavior remain the same. Aarious 'ays of utili;ing this information are presented in the te!t. "hroughout the te!t% a variety of techni?ues are provided as pragmatic applications of the material. "hey also dra' the reader(s attention to the processes involved in personality development and maintenance. Bse of these processes may assist you in helping those you 'or# and live 'ith to discover more choices about ho' they perceive the 'orld and themselves and 'hat they might do to lead more comfortable and productive lives. "he methods covered in this boo# may be learned ?uite rapidly. "hey are not meant% ho'ever% to ta#e the place of any currently in use psychotherapeutic methodologies. "hey are offered as an ad>unct to e!isting techni?ues and as a perceptual paradigm for the serious student of human behavior% communication% and personality. "hroughout this boo# * interchange the terms "model of the 'orld%" (map%" and "model of reality." "hey all stand for the same concept in this boo#.

"here are also places 'here * have shortened the term "representational system" to simply "system." *n these cases% the meaning of the 'ord 'ill be obvious from its conte!t. &ith some practice% you may soon find many of the techni?ues and the perceptual acuity presented here coming into use in your everyday patterns of communication% as 'ell as in the professional setting. * invite you to use this boo# as an opportunity to e!plore the variables of both internal communication processes and the behavior called communication that 'e e!perience continuously as social beings.

AC%NOWLED&E'EN#(
2ratitude is e!pressed to the follo'ing individuals< "o Leslie Cameron ,andler 'ho sho'ed me the path% "o Richard ,andler 'ho led me do'n it% "o =ohn 2rinder 'ho illuminated it for me% and "o 5ran# Puceli# 'ho set me bac# on course 8repeatedly9 and 'hose immeasurable input into this volume 'arranted his co authorship. +pecial than#s go to Ron $ill% Ph.D.% Nancy +#olni#%

Ph.D.% and Linnaea )arvell )ell% 'hose editing and helpful suggestions 'ere so instrumental in putting the boo# into its final form% to )arcia Le'is% my 'ife% for her support and her illustration on page --1% and to Leslie Antos% my sister% for her beautiful and creative illustrations.

#ABLE OF CON#EN#(
C)*+,er "- 'o.e/! ................................. 1 "he Bse of )odel.. .......................... Neurological basis "he reality model Patterns of Rule 2overned ,ehavior ............. 2enerali;ation Deletion Distortion Case study "rust< 2aining Rapport .......................... -D ,eing understood logical typing errors Constraints on the )odel ........................ -C Neurological constraints +ocial constraints *ndividual constraints Comple! e?uivalents +ummary ........................................ /E C

C)*+,er ""- #)e Comm0n c*, on C*,e1or e! 'o.e/ .... .............................. DRepresentational +ystem .................%....... DPredicate Preference ............................. D1 Preferred representation systems Bsing the Language of the Representational +ystem ........................................ F+tress 5unctional differences Representational system hierarchies

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R% *d -----07--- "( t"( N"8" -% -%-%% nl C(onununicel *an <unl 8(hunPC A hAo=cl * (or A Prucu.. rlleolrK ar 13,4,, ""-1120y- *7so% am%%% A. * H-h.%. 8(apyoght n -77---% Rynnl * c!FL !nd *O%%n# *NCCh# Ccn cr l1csi#n # h=llingbP( Larl +lcphcm n***%*rnr*all% ny * rl+ nllt, st"aal nr%*ll#. tI B%H o"*tsa.yllo = *. HP(*lle to' aILatllnoc nn acct dc%lpn an= amcur#Priolm ill c%c unae= st<*n.. nr Alnvua - %%.(A. nyNll A. ntnG *%rNLP=en%.rre=.<---......... egtl(*=c* nd ch@l ec Q evr - -R *l.c %% R= Po!*l# """$. Garlll <- %- A%%8 :Rcv.e=. p. u -/eellu=.%=O )<*gic=enrysOtie=. *tec.e=.e-7R/ *nclu=c. hihlinprnph#nl rercrcnccs. *si/N * ssss; ---1-9 *. N...... cui!lic *voyln%nun...g *. Puceli#% */. hun#. ll. % "" A% )ay%%*ll -.s - -c/0 70S.1 -/ Publ"**C= by )etamorphous Press *nela *(anlan.l% O*/ -1----% 8--%-C )A2*C of NLP D3)4+"*5*3D $ Pragmatic %ui#e &o 'ommunication & 'hange ,yron Le'is 6 5ran# Puceli# )etamorphous Press Por,/*n., Ore1on

-.E ,*,L*O2RAP$4 -.7 3llerbroe#% &. "Language% 3motion and Disease." Ornni% -</% Nov.% -71E% 7D -/0. 5ran#% =. -9. Persuasion an# Healing ,altimore< =ohns $op#ins Bniversity Press% -71D. ,andler% R. and 2rinder% =. 5rogs into Princes. )oab% Btah< Real People Press% -717. . "he +tructure of )agic% Aol. -. Palo Alto% California< +cience and ,ehavior ,oo#s% -71.. S . "he +tructure of )agic% Aol. --. Palo Alto% California< +cience and ,ehavior ,oo#s% -71C. ,andler% R.% 2rinder% =.% and +atir% A. 'hanging 'ith 5amilies. Palo Alto% California@ +cience and ,ehavior ,oo#s% -71C. ,ateson% 2. +teps to an -cology of .in# Ne' 4or#< ,allantine ,oo#s% -71/. ,ogen% =. "+ome 3ducational Aspects of $emispheric +peciali;ation." BCLA. -#ucator, -1 8-71.9< /F D/. ,ois% =. +. "he Art of A'areness% &hir# -# Dubu?ue% *o'a< &. C. ,ro'n Co.% -7CC. Castaneda% C. "ales of Po'er. Ne' 4or#< +imon and +huster% -71F. Coleman% =. C. and 5oresman% +. Abnormal Psychology an# .o#ern Life, /ourth -# 2lenvie'% *llinois< +cott% 5aresman and Company% -71/. Choms#y% N. Language and )ind< 3nlarged 3d. Ne' 4or#< $arcourt% ,race% =ovanovich% *nc.% -71/. -Td'ards% ,. Dra'ing an the 0ight 1i#e of the ,rain. Ne' 4or#< +t. )artin(s Press% -717. 2ibran% U. "he Prophet. Ne' 4or#< Alfred A. Unopf% -7C7. $all% 3. ". Beyon# Culture. Ne' 4or#< Anchor PressQ Doubleday and Co.% -71C. . "Learning the Arab(s +ilent Language." Psychology &o#ay, -D<D% Aug.% -717% F. .F. . "he +ilent Language Ne' 4or#< Doubleday and Co.% -7.7. $ess% 3. "he "elltale 3ye. Ne' 4or#% -71.. $u!ley% A. &he Doors of Perce*tion Ne' 4or#< $arper and Ro'% -7.F. =ung% C. 2. .an and $is +ymbols. 2arden City% Ne' 4or#< Doubleday% -7CF. . Psychological "ypes 8Aol A* of the Collected &or#s. Princeton< Princeton Bniversity Press% -71- 8-7/D9. )eichenbaum% D. Cognitive Beha)ior .o#ification Ne' 4or#< Prenum Press% -711.

)orris% D. .anwatching Ne' 4or#< $arry N. Abrams% *nc.% -711. Pala;;oli% ).% 2ianfranco% C.% 2iuiana% P. and Luigi% -D. Para#o2 an# Counterparado!. Ne' 4or#< =ason Aronson% -71E. +amuels% ). and +amuels% N. +eeing 'ith the .in#'s 3ye. Ne' 4or#< Random $ouse% -71.. -.C D. +ee "he +tructure of )agic% Aol. *. "he form * present here is a revision of their original model. "his version deletes some of the original distinctions and e!pands other distinctions.9 highly recommend reading the original version for more information on the origins and development of the )eta )odel. F. ,ecause of differences in the structure of different languages% some of the distinctions presented here may not apply to the native spea#ers of languages other than 3nglish. .. 5rom Noam Choms#y(s Language and )ind comes% "...'e can thus distinguish the surface structure of the sentence% the organi;ation into categories and phrases that is directly associated 'ith the physical signal% from the underlying deep structure% also a system of categories and phrases% but 'ith a more abstract character." 8p. /E /79 "hese t'o are related% says Choms#y% by certain formal operations #no'n as grammatical transformations 'hich include the processes of generali;ation% deletion% and distortion. C 5rom Omni )aga;ine% November% -71E. 1. 5or an elegant and pragmatic discussion of the calibrated communication cycle in families% see ,undler% 2rinder and +atir% Changing 'ith 5amilies% especially Part **. -.1 C. 5rom ,ogen< "+ome 3ducational Aspects of $emispheric +peciali;ation" in ,etty 3d'ards Dra'ing or% the Right +ide of the ,rain. 1. 5or a fascinating discussion on the nature of internal dialog% see Donald )eichenbaum(s boo# Cognitive ,ehavior )odification. E. Notice the therapist(s intentional use of the cause and effect pattern here. *n this 'ay he paces =oe(s e!perience and uses the pattern to ensure good rapport. "his utili;ation of a )eta )odel violation is an effective out of a'areness means of operating 'ithin the client(s model of the 'orld in a 'ay 'hich enhances the trust important to therapeutic communication. As#ing this 'ay also elicits an uninhibited demonstration of the dysfunctional pattern that is preventing the client from being able to change. "he observant therapist can utili;e this piece of the client(s model of -he 'orld in very productive 'ays as the session contiuiuKs. Foo,no,e! 5or C)*+,er "6 -. 5rom "Learning the Arabs( +ilent Language%" an intervie' 'ith 3d'ard ". $all% Psychology "oday% August% -717% pages F1 FE. /. +ee his chapter "Pupil +ignals%" 'hich begins on page -C7. "his boo# is an e!cellent and stimulating resource for anyone interested in human behavior. D. +ee $ess( boo# "he "ell tale 3ye for a complete description of this phenomenon. F. +ee their boo# 5rogs into Princes% pages // /1. ... 5or more information% see +perry(s article in $andboo# of Clinical Neurology. -C.-. "he term representational system comes from ,andler and 2rinder. 5or additional

information% see "he +tructure of )agic% Aol. *% pages C /C. /. *n #eeping 'ith the ,andler 2rinder model% * have put the olfactory and gustatory systems together. "he name "olfactory" and symbol "0" are used because 'e ma#e so many more distinctions 'ith our sense of smell than 'ith our sense of taste% 'hich can only differentiate bet'een four basic stimuli< s'eet% sour% salty% and bitter. D. 5rom Pragmatics of *lumao 'ommunication, page CD. F. ,andler and 2rinder discuss "the most highly valued representational system" on page E of "he +tructure of )agic% Aol. **. "hey also e!pand on page /C% saying% ",y most highly valued representational system 'e mean the ... system the person typically uses to bring information into consciousness. . .%" and ". . no special one of the. . systems is better than the others% although some may be more efficient for certain tas#s." * have incorporated this construct into "preferred representational system" in its greatly e!panded form presented in this boo#. .. 5rom Aisual Learning, &hin(ing an# 'ommunication C. Bnli#e information entering our brains from the other gory systems% smell does not pass through the thalamus and is% therefore% not sub>ected to the thalamic filtering the other systems undergo. 1. +ee the section "trust< 2aining Rapport" in Chapter -. E. 5or more information% see the section ")apping" in Chapter *A. 7. 3specially important is her boo# Peo*lenwhing 'hich 'ill be referred to later in this section. -0. "he t'o boo#s% "he +tructure of )agic% Aolumes - and Q-% already referred to contain part of the information used to create the communication categories model presented in this hoo#. --. "his chart 'as developed primarily through the 'or# of 5ran# fuceli# of the ).3.".A. *nstitute 'ith input *Vom students in various parts of the Bnited +tates. *t 'ould he Foo,no,e! 5or C)*+,er "" -.. interesting to compare these observations 'ith those of individuals from other cultural bac#grounds. -/. 5rom Coleman and 5oresman% $bnormal Psychology an# .o#ern Life, page CF/. -D. &iliam +heldon% author of "he Aarieties of Human Physi3ue and "he Aarieties of Human "emperament% is famous for his research on the relationship bet'een tomperament and physi?ue. Although this boo# presents correlations bet'een various patterns of behavior including body types% the need for further research poses e!citing possibilities to e!perimental psychologists and others in the field of human communications. -F. 5rom an intervie' 'ith 3d'ard ". $all in the August% -717% Psychology "oday. -.. +ee the section 'onstraints on the )odel in Chapter -% especially "+ocial Constraints." -C. "his is another e!ample of a comple! e?uivalent 8see pages /1 /E in Chapter -9. *n this case% a particular meaning% "lying%" is attached to a specific behavior% loo#ing a'ay 'hile tal#ing. "hus% a behavior 'hich is necessary to the person 'ho needs to loo# a'ay 'hile tal#ing can pose problems if it is misinterpreted by someone 'ith the above comple! e?uivalent. (there is an e!cellent discussion of comple! e?uivalents in ,andler% 2rinder% and +atir(s 'hanging4 faith 5amilies% 'hich begins on page @-E. -1. +ee pages .7 E. in Peoplenta#irng by Airginia +atir for a complete presentation of

her "patterns of communication." -E. +ee "he +tructure of )agic% Aol. *Q% page F1. Foo,no,e! 5or C)*+,er """ -. As 2regory ,ateson says on page /7- in +teps to art 3cology of .in#, "*t 'ould seem that analogie communication is insome sense more primitive than digital and that there is a broad evolutionary trend to'ard the substituti8m of digital for analogie mechanisms in higher mammals." /. ,ateson does point out conte!t mar#ers 'hich may signal one interpretation as being correct. +ee pages /E7 /7- in .+teps to it 3cology of .in# -C/ -. 5or the purpose of this 'or#% the distinction bet'een "ourselves" and our surrounding environment is a functional one. *t does not imply that other 'ays of describing the relationship do not e!ist. As =ung points out in P.sycltological "ypes% psychology focuses on internal processes 'hich operate inside both the sub>ect and the observer. "herefore% the observer should be able to see not only sub>ectively but also ob>ectively. "he demand that he should see only ob>ectively is ?uite out of the ?uestion% for it is impossible. & e must be satisfied if he does not see too sub>ectively." 8p. 79 Roger N. &alsh also ma#es a contribution to the discussion in the follo'ing ?uote from the =ournal of "ranspersonal Psychology< &hat can be #no'n is the interaction bet'een the observer and the observed and never the independent properties of the observed alone. All observation is a function of the observer% and thus the #no'n universe is ine!tricably lin#ed 'ith consciousness.... 8p. -E09 /. Aolume * of "he +tructure of )agic contains many of the models presented in this 'or#. "he "universal human modeling processes" are presented on pages -F -E. highly recommend any of $andler and 2rinder(s boo#s 8see the ,ibliography at the end of this boo#9. D."his is a linguistic form called a "nominali;ation." +ee Chapter *** for a complete discussion of this and other linguistic indications of the structure of a person(s model of the 'orld. F. 5rom Coleman and 5oresman% Abnormal Psychology and .o#ern Life, -71/. i. "he study 'as printed under the title Patients Aie' "heir $ sychothcra*y in -7C7. FOO#NO#E( Foo,no,e! 5or C)*+,er " -CD C. 5rom +teps to an 3cology of .in#, -71/. +ee his discussion on the "theory of logical types" 'hich begins on page /E0. 1. "he +tructure of )agic% Aol. *% pages E -D% give ,andler and 2rinder(s rendition. &at;la'ic#% et al% gives the definition of constraint in Pragmatics of Human Communi cation as follo's According to information theory% stochastic processes sho' re#un#ancy or constraint% t'o terms 'hich can be used interchangeably 'ith the concept of pattern.... 8p.DF9 As used in this boo#% then% constraints are patterns 'hich operate on the model building processes. "hey can be conceptuali;ed as a "grid" or "filter" through 'hich information is processed on the 'ay to becoming an e!perience. E. +ee pages F and -1F of "he +tructure of )agic% Aol. **% by ,andler and 2rinder% -71C. 7. &horf(s "linguistic relativity hypotheses" is a 'ellformed presentation of the idea that

thought is relative to the language in 'hich it is constructed. *n Language, &hought, and 0eality, he proposes that it is the structure of language 'hich causes culturally seated differences in perception. -0. $andler and 2rinder% 5rogs into Princes% -717% p. -C. --. Coleman and 5oresman% Abnormal Psychology an# .o#ern Life% -71/. -/. "his is some'hat different from the eye contact rule discussed in association 'ith the visual communication category in Chapter --. $o'ever% it is not unusual for conflict to occur as a result of an encounter bet'een someone operating 'ith the social eye contact model and someone else operating out of the visual system. -D. +ee "he +tructure of )agic% Aol -% page -7% footnote /. -F. 5rom ,undler% 2rinder% and +atir% 'hanging 'ith 5amilies% -71C% comes the follo'ing definitions< Comple! -3uiualence is the relationship bet'een a 'ord or set of 'ords and some e!perience 'hich those 'ords name. 8p.709 -.0 representational systems< literally referring to repeesentations of e!perience 8D/9% they include the cc al system 8D7% .- ./9% the #inesthetic system 8D7% ./ .D9% the auditory system 8F0% .F ..9% the digital system 8DD% .. .C9% and the olfactory system 8DC D19. representational system hierarchy< the order of responsiveness to the 'orld 'ith the system in 'hich a person ma#es the most number of distinctions 8his preferred representational system9 coming first and the least number of distinctions coming last. 8F1 FE9 -.understood. "rust is a necessary ingredient in the "magic" of effective communication and change. 8-D -C9 universal human modeling processes< three mecham isms common to all model building activities@ the processes of generali;ation% deletion% and distortion. 8. 79 universal ?uantifier< a )et% )odel violation in 'hich a generali;ation has been made in a 'ay that indicates that the spea#er is not a'are of any e!ceptions to his statement as 'ith such 'ords as "every" and "never" 87C 779 +atir categories< e!aggerated postures and associated internal feelings about oneself. "hese include the "blamer%" "placater%" "computer%" and "distracter." 8C/ CF9 social constraints< cultural filters on our ability to perceive. Language% for e!ample% can either enhance our perception of something by naming it 8"perceptual enhancer"9% or it can limit perception by not providing labels for certain aspects of e!perience. 8/0 /D9 unspecified verbs< a )eta )odel violation in 'hich a person uses a verb 'hich deletes such ?ualities as ho'% 'hen% or 'here the activity too# place or the duration or intensity of the act. 870 7/9 stress< an important factor in determining ho' a person 'ill respond in certain situations. +tress 'ill often cause a person to "retreat" into the representational system in 'hich he ma#es the most number of distinctions 8his preferred system9% thereby *hniting both his a'areness of the 'orld and his choices about ho' to respond. 8F/ FD9 subliminal cues< see "calibrated communication." 8-0/9 surface structure 8++9< the spo#en or 'ritten portion of communication 'hich is derived from the D+ using the processes of generali;ation% deletion% and distortion. 81D9 synthetic e!perience< see "internally generated stimuli." 8/F /C9

trust< 'ithin the conte!t of effective communication% trust is the sense a person gets 'hen he believes he is being -FE mind reading< a )eta )odel violation in 'hich a person e!presses the idea that it is possible to #no' 'hat someone else is thin#ing or feeling 'ith little or no diret feedbac#. 877-0F9 mirroring< see "rapport." 8CC9 modal operators< )eta )odel violations 'hich identify limits to a person(s model of the 'orld. )odal operators of necessity 87D 7F9 are e!emplified by imperatives such as "should%" 'hile modal operators of possibility 87F 7C9 are e!emplified by 'ords such as "can(t." model< a representation of a thing or process 'hich is useful as a tool for better understanding 'hat it represents and for predicting ho' it 'ill operate in various situations. A model is a generali;ed% deleted% and distorted copy of that 'hich it represents. 8- /9 model of the 'orld< a perceptual representation of our e!periences of the 'orld. A personal model of "reality%" it differs from person to person depending on their neurological ma#e up and social and individual e!periences. 8/% -C9 neurological constraints< the filters of our brain and sensory organs. Differences in people(s "sensitivity" to various stimuli accounts in part for differences bet'een people(s models of the 'orld. 8-1 /09 nominali;ation< a )eta )odel violation in 'hich an "abstract noun" is formed by ta#ing a verb 8such as "relate"9 and changing it by the process of linguistic distortion into a noun 8li#e "relationship"9. A nominali;ation differs from a "concrete noun" 'hich names a person% place% or thing. 8EF709 nominali;ed< dissociated from #inesthetic aspects of e!perience through the use of language. A "digital" is often described as being "nominali;ed." 8E.% EE9 pacing< see "rapport." 8CC9 oeeular accessing cues< see "accessing cues." 8--. -//9 perceptual enhancer< the effects of language on our perception. +ee also "social constraints." 8C79 predicate preference< the habitual use of certain predicates verbs% adverbs% and ad>ectives 'hich indicate systematic use of one of the representational systems to e!press thoughts more often than the others. Predicate preference is often a good indication of a person(s preferred representational system. 8D19 preferred representation system< the system in 'hich a person ma#es the most number of distinctions about himself and his environment. "he habitual use of one system more often than the others to sort out and ma#e sense of e!periences. 8DE9 pupil response< an unconscious response to emotional arousal. Directed by the autonomic nervous system% the pupils dilate 'hen a person is e!posed to pleasant stimuli and constrict 'hen he is e!posed to an unpleasant situation. 8--D --F9 rapport< during effective communication% rapport is established through communicative behaviors called "pacing." "hese subtle forms of feedbac# elicit in the observer a sense of being li#e and of trusting the communicator. "'o methods of pacing that result in rapport are matching a person(s predicate preference and "mirroring" 8matching9 a person(s

posture% gestures% rate of breathing% etc. 8-D -C% CC9 referential inde!< a )eta )odel violation in which till% person or thing doing or receiving the action of the )i,,!5 in a sentence has been deleted 811 1E9% unsl!Kcified i1r( generali;ed 8E0 E-9% or reversed 8E/ ED9. -F7 -FC derived feelings< see "3motions." 8D. DC9 distortion< the universal human modeling process by 'hich 'e manipulate our perceptions and remembered e!periences. "his process often alters e!periences in a 'ay 'hich 'ill better fit our o'n models of the 'orld% and it is also important in the creative processes of fantasi;ing% planning ahead% and en>oying 'or#s of art and literature. 8E9 emotions< a comple! set of physical sensations combined 'ith other thought processes such as internal images and thoughts. 3motions are also commonly called "feelings%" possibly because of the important role the physical sensations play in our ability to attach meaning to these comple! "derived feelings." 8D. DC9 feedbac#< see "rapport." 8CC9 filters< see "constraints." 8-C9 F "uple 8F "9< one moment in time including the four parameters of visual% #inesthetic% auditory% and olfactorygustatory e!periences. &ritten asHA U A OL. 8D/9 generali;ation< the universal human modeling process of dra'ing from one or one set of e!periences to understand and ma#e predictions about similar ne' e!periences. 8C9 n. 7 .0*/ con!,r* n,!- the collection of our past personal history our complete set of stored and remembered e!periences through 'hich 'e filter our ongoing e!periences. 8/D /19 information retrieval behaviors< movements and gestures 'hich are symptomatic of cerebral processes associated 'ith retrieving stored 8remembered9 information. "hese include eye movements 8--C -//9% breathing patterns 8-//-/F9% and body posturing 8-/F9. -F1 internally generated stimuli< e!periences% HA U A OL% 'hich are dra'n from memory% (this "synthetic e!perienee" can include (my or all parameters of the F " and replaces at the moment in time it is being accessed the associated e!ternal e!perience in the F ". 8/F /C9 lead system< the system a person uses 'hen he first starts. to access internally stored information. "he lead system is not al'ays the same system as a person(s preferred system. 8F09 logical typing errors< mista#ing the "map" for the "territory" it represents. Assuming that 'hat you perceive 8'hich is based on your o'n model of the 'orld9 is reality% and that it is the same as 'hat other people perceive. 8-. -C9 lost performative< a )et. )odel violation in 'hich a person ma#es a value >udgement or e!presses a belief in a 'ay that deletes the >udge or the originator of the belief. 8-0E--09 mapping< a process by 'hich you can determine a person(s accessing cues schematic% his preferred representational system% and his representational system hierarchy. 8-/. -D/9

the )eta )odel< a linguistic tool for using portions of . person(s spo#en or 'ritten behavior to determine 'here he has generali;ed% deleted% or distorted e!periences in his model of the 'orld. *t includes specific ")eta )odel responses" to these ")eta )odel violations" 'hich aid in obtaining a more complete representation from the person(s deep structure. Certain responses also help to reconnect the spea#er 'ith his deep structure in 'ays 'hich can e!pand his perceptions and give him more choices about ho' to feel and behave. 81/ 1D9 meta perspective< #ill a'areness of the patterns involved in the processes of conmnmication as 'ell as the content. 8-0E9 -FF "he numbers in parentheses follo'ing the definitions indicate the page or pages in the te!t 'here amore complete o!plaaanon of the term may be found. obstruct noun< see "Nominali;iuions." rid9 accessing cues< movements of the eyes 'hich are symptomatic of cerebral processes of retrieving thoughts and other e!periences stored in the brain. 8--. -//9 APP3ND*W *9 2LO++AR4 O5 "3R)+ -F. tational systems"9. (these patterns include predicate preference% posture and body type% breathing% lip si;e% voice tonality% eye elevation% rules for loo#ing% +atir categories% )eta )odel violations% )eta )odel illformed meanings% and accessing cues. A complete chart of these behaviors for each system is included in Appendi! C. 8FE .09 comple! e?uivalents< the relationship bet'een a 'ord or action and the meurung attached to it by the observer. *t is called "comple!%" because the e?uivalent verbal description is much more detailed than the 'ord or action being defined 8"a picture is 'orth a thousand 'ords"9. A person(s comple! e?uivalent is a more accurate representation of his deep structure associations to the particular 'ord or action. 8/1/E9 analog< any form of output 8behavior9 e!clusive of 'ordsymbols. 8C7 1-9 auditory tape loops< thoughts% e!pressions% and persistent ideas stored in short% often tuneful or rhythmic auditory patterns.8--79 calibrated communication< sometimes called a "calibrated loop%" these are unconscious patterns of communication in 'hich a loo#% gesture% or e!pression unintentionally triggers a response from another person. Often based on subliminal cues minimal gestures that operate outside the a'areness of the individuals involved these calibrated communication loops can be the source of pain producing miscommunication bet'een couples% family members% and co 'or#ers. 8-0/9 cause and effect< u )eta )odel violation in 'hich the spea#er indicates a belief that one person can directly cause another person to have it particular emotion. 8-0.. -0E9 communication categories model< hased on the four representational systems% this model includes the behavioral patterns associated 'ith each of the systems 8see "represem concrete nouns< see "Nominali;ations." 8EF9 consensus reality< due ft similarities in the neurological mechanisms 'ithin each of us and shared social and cultural e!periences 'e are able to create similar representations of the 'orld called consensus reality. 8F9 constraints< filters on the model building processes. Neurological% social% and individual

constraints affect our models of the 'orld by providing e!periences to be generali;ed% deleted% and distorted. 8-C /19 deep structure 8D+9< the most complete linguistic representation of an e!perience. A person(s D+ is a linguistic model of his model of the 'orld. 81D9 deletion< the universal human modeling process 'hich screens out or prevents the a'areness of e!periences. A primary function of the brain and central nervous system is to filter out most sensory input so that 'e can attend to our various activities uninterrupted. *n language% deletion is the process of simplifying deep structure representations by leaving things out in the surface structure. 819 -F/ -FD Pattern Predicates which presuppose repreent tlnnal system Posters Rod%y "tGpu( and aye G%la Lip stse ,reathing Aoice tonality% 3pee% volume 5<ye elevation in relation to others Rule for loo#ing 'hile listeningS +alir category )e%%% 4l il olati%ns )ean )edal illfm - %ings Ac # ues Aisual( s% loo#% bright% perspective% focus% colorful straight% "3t% head 6 shoulders up ither thin or obese% tight% >er#y thin% tight high in chest high, clear% fast and load about others moo feel% grasp% loud%% firm% 'arn% cool% get a handle on curved% ho%od% head 6 shoulders do'n soft% full% rounded% *nn e% flo'ing full% soft la'% into abdomen

lo'% airy%% sla'% and

ft belo' others

""onal" "Digital" Pattern tbell% soy r%% ring% * #e%a sl-Nstlcally spea#

Predicates 'hich

XharmonioGino(.reOlsonnble% prneuppose a repre o( gmal% # se t lionl system "telephone" posture% arms folded% h cad tilted to side head up sistent body@ soft% full@ ,ody o"amen and bet'een tight 6 loose r gtd v vanes thin% tight lip i!%% full range restricted bresthing melodic% rhythmic, * monotone voice tonality% riable often diverted Sclipped% consistent * speed% and volume "ga;es" over r3yo elevation in

do to lists %there( heads -Y>atton to others "don(t loo# to * Rule far loo#ing listen" o eye contact 'hile listening S "distracter" computer"* +atir category g * ia%d g.. * - d . d * t d referential --0-8r- f . t )et.% )odel )eta )odel . Srte * -i. turns mint Ln lost perfarmative lost porforn%ative * l * * ftd iumrm d meanings *. . lev * l n d r gl l 8-* ft. ht 8: * ftm

A cc s% t c.the

t * and do'n9 alt - t -ton9 s. "loo# to listen" 'ould rather touch than loo# "blamer" "placalet( sad f.......... p%f l Kur model op t f rood al p. t ra ul ac msitL possrbilay mind reading up *rft and tight do'n left or right cause and effect -F0 Note< Obviously% a test as brief as this 'ill not give absolutely accurate data on an individual. $o'ever% as a ?uic# and easy tool for identifying potential problems% strengths% and 'ea#nesses bet'een individuals% it has proven ?uite useful in several settings including analysis of business management styles and in marriage and family

counseling sessions. "he immediate feedbac# and the ability to compare scores promotes healthy and productive discussion bet'een participants. APP3ND*W C "$3 CO))BN*CA"*ON CA"32OR*3+ )OD3L "he chart on the follo'ing pages is organi;ed around four preferred representational systems. "hese are the visual system% the #inesthetic system% the auditory system% and the digital system. "his chart is an abbreviated visual representation of the model as it is presented in the te!t. it is a highly generali;ed format meant to be a guide to your o'n obser)ations As you gro' accustomed to the distinctions presented here% you 'ill also discover and become familiar 'ith the "interpretations" re?uired in its use. Remember% 'e are all highly comple! individuals% and this is only a model of certain communicative behaviors. *t is a generali;ed% deleted% and distorted representation of those behaviors. -DE .. - am very attuned to the sounds in my surroundings. * am very adept at ma#ing sense of ne' facts and data. * am very sensitive to the 'ay articles of clothing feel on my body. * have a strong response to colors and the 'ay a room loo#s. (cor n1 ,)e Re+re!en,*, on*/ (y!,em B *! #e!, (,e+ -< Copy the ans'ers from the test onto the lines belo'. +tep /< Add the numbers associated 'ith each letter. "here 'ill be five entries for each letter. A *9 +tep D< "he comparison of the totaled scores above give the relative preference 8hierarchy9 for each of the representational systems. -D7 +!smoa) 1o2 y4 APP3ND*W , "$3 R3PR3+3N"A"*ONAL +4+"3) ,*A+ "3+" 5or each of the follo'ing statements% place the number F ne!t to the phrase that best describes you% a D ne!t to the phrase that 'ould ne!t beat describe you% and so on% ending 'ith a * ne!t to the phrase that least describes you. Do this for each of the five statements. +coring information follo's the test. -D1 &*) ZZ 'O' 8'( * Ncu? itei CooGnruie +OBND+ -2r+ )un+ &muumous *. * ma#e important decisions based on< gut level feelings. 'hich 'ay sounds the best. 'hat loo#s best to me.

precise diligent study of the issues. /. During an argument% * am most li#ely to be influenced by< the other person(s tone of voice. 'hether or not * can see the other person(s point of vie'. the logic of the other person(s argument. 'hether or not - feel * am in touch 'ith the other person(s true feelings. D. - most easily communicate 'hat is going on 'ith me by< the 'ay * dress. the feelings * share. the 'ords * choose. my tone of voice. F. *t is easy for me to< find the ideal volume and tuning on a stereo system. select the most intellectually relevant points concerning an interesting sub>ect. select superbly comfortable furniture. . select rich color combinations. *DF color of your first carT" People access all the time. Once you get used to the concept and its uses% you 'ill find that it is usually unnecessary to go through the formal mapping process. )any people 'ill give you all the information you need during the course of a normal conversation. APP3ND*W A CON+"RA*N"+ ON OBR )OD3L+ O5 "$3 &ORLD -D.. "he diagram 'hich follo's illustrates the three constraints 'hich affect the construction of our models of the 'orld. As discussed in Chapter -% 'e start 'ith the "ra' materials" of e!perience. "hese are channeled via our sensory organs through our neurological filters. At any moment in time% 'e have available to us one complete F"uple 'hich includes an e!perience of sight% feeling% sound% taste and smell. 5rom there% our e!perience is further modified by language and other social filters 'hich either enhance our perception or diminish it. 5inally% our great body of stored memories create an in#i)i#ual filter 'hich further modifies our perception% sometimes by heightening and other times by obscuring the original sensory data. "his internally generated e!perience can ta#e the place of any of the four parameters of the F " at any moment in time. "he completed F " 'ith its combination of e!periences of e!ternal and internal origins is then shuttled into memory% 'here it may be called upon to modify future e!periences as they arise. -D/ Of course% this hierarchy testing leaves out the digital representational system. A "digital" 'ill be more li#ely to score auditory and visual over #inesthetic. $o'ever% a "digital" 'ill also tend to score visual over auditory% 'hile an "auditory" 'ill tend to score auditory over visual. *n any event% it is important to ta#e into consideration all aspects of a person(s communicative output. "he mapping s#ills described above are only one of the 'ays to facilitate understanding and determine 'hich system of communica tion to use in order to obtain the rapport and trust necessary for influential communication. 5or more on identifying a person(s hierarchy% see A++en. 9 B. "he Aisual )odel provides us 'ith a format for seeing% understanding and utili;ing consistent patterns of observe able behavior. ,ased in part on research and pragmatic

applications of the ,andler 2rinder model% these techni?ues provide ?uic# and efficient means for determining the representational system being used by an individual at any particular moment. Pupil response is a very accurate indicator of interest or arousal. &ith good light% pupil response can be seen from as far a'ay as five feet or more. Close observation of a person(s eyes during the uttering of #ey 'ords or phrases can assist you in determining his areas of concern and interest. As hot[( the >ade dealers and the Arabs have reali;ed% this response +ay< ""ell me 'hat you are a'are of as * do this 8see Do belo'9. Do< As you say the 'ord "this%" 'ith one hand gently touch the person% 'hile 'ith the other hand "scribe an arc" across the person(s field of vision. Again% this 'ill indicate 'here the person(s attention is dra'n. "he person(s response 'ill let you #no' ho' to score. (0mm*ry -DD cannot be controlled% since it is governed by the sympathetic nervous system. 3ye scanning patterns or accessing cues also provide information about ho' an individual is thin#ing. Combined 'ith breathing and postural shifts% they can prove to be e!tremely useful in assisting people to discover and change limiting and pain producing behaviors. As in the e!ample 'here =oe creates uncomfortable feelings from an unconscious eidetic image 8see page -/D9 these behaviors usually operate outside a person(s a'areness and control. "he mapping process can assist you in determining the meaning of certain patterns of behavior. Part A is designed to help you identify the specific eye motion associated 'ith each type of thin#ing. +ections - and / of Part -D give you information about 'hat representational system8s9 a person habitually uses 8the preferred representational system9% and +ection D sho's you ho' to e!amine a person(s representational system hierarchy. ,y #no'ing a person(s preferred system% you can more easily facilitate the rapport and trust important to effective communication. Uno'ing a person(s representational system hierarchy can help you to understand ho' people systematically delete certain aspects of e!perience from their a'areness and 'hat those aspects of the environment are most li#ely to be. &ith this information% you can help people become alert to situations in 'hich they consistently stop themselves from seeing% feeling or hearing input. As 'as demonstrated by +haron in Chapter * 8page --9 and the fire victim in Chapter ** 8page FD9% the deletion of portions of e!perience from a person(s model of the 'orld is potentially harmful and limiting to a positive and healthy life. "hese mapping techni?ues can be used at any time during the course of an intervie'% therapy session or any setting 'here verbal communication is ta#ing place. "he important thing to remember is to maintain continuity and rapport. "o suddenly turn to someone and say% "Can you tell me the color of your first carT" may be much less effective than casually% during the course of a conversation% mentioning an anecdote about your first car. "hen you can say% "4ou #no'% * don(t even remember 'hat color it 'as.... Do you remember the -D0 (ec, on 11. 2ive these instructions prior to the ne!t t'o steps< "*(m going to as# you to thin# about some things you may have e!perienced or you might e!perience% but * 'on(t

as# you to describe them to me. =ust thin# about them. ReadyT" (ec, on """. "his final section re?uires some spontaneity on your part% as 'ell as attention to 'hat you do and to 'hat you say< they 'ill be different: 4our goal 'ill be to determine 'hich of t'o simultaneously presented% incongruent 8different9 niessages is received by the person you are li#e% "termonacar" or "frucerah" 8be inventive9% then pause and 'ait for the response. "his techni?ue is particularly effective because in order to ma#e sense of 'hat he has heard% the person must dra' upon information from his o'n model of the 'orld. 4ou have disrupted his e!pectations by saying a 'ord that doesn(t ma#e sense% and the confusion that results from the surprise nonsense syllables creates a mildly stressful situation in 'hich he 'ill most li#ely retreat to his preferred system in order to ma#e sense of 'hat he has >ust e!perienced. -. Past event. "Can you remember your last 8birthday% vacation% fun 'ee#end9T" ,y as#ing the person to dra' on his e!perience in a general 'ay using the unspecified verb% "remember"% you allo' him to recall the e!perience in the 'ay that is most comfortable to him% usually his preferred representational system. Again% allo' time for the person to fully respond before going on the ne!t ?uestion. /. 5uture event. "&here do you thin# you 'ill be hying ten years from no'T" Notice the use of the nonsensory specific 'ord "thin#." Observe 'hich system the person uses in order to create the response to this ?uestion. 'or#ing 'ith ""9*s 'ill give 4OB the person(s represcntatiunal system hierK.cchy. +tudy these e!amples closely tmd practice them before trying them out. Notice tlott each step has t'o parts% "+ay" and "Do%" 'hich overlap as indicated. -. Auditory% C(i.suJl incnngrucnce +ay< "*(nr going to as# you to pay attention to your internal e!perience 'hile 'e do 8scr Do belo'9 t'o things." Do< As you say the 'ord "t'o" above% hold up three fingers for >ust a moment% then put them clo'n. Do this casually% and after a fell moments% as# the person% "&hat 'as the first thing you 'ere a'are of as * spo#e. a moment agoT" "he person(s response to the ?uestion 'ill indicate 'hether he 'as more alert to the audit8"% portion of the esperiencc or to the visual portion. *f he. points out the incongruity bet'een 'hat you said and 'hat 4en did% he scores visual over auditory. /. 6 esthetlc,$u#aory int8 ngruencc. +ay< "Pay attention to your thoughts as - touch you em your right 8see Do belo'9 #nee." Do< As you say the 'ord K(right hove% retch nut and gently touch the person on his left #nee. "his is especially effective if you maintain the person(s visual contact 'ith your face% rather than 'ith your hand. *9o this by 'otelling the person(s face ns yrni to% spea#ing and reaching tKr io touch his #nee. &hen you or% hrough% as# % "&hat 'ere you a'tce of as * tnurhed you a nvoncut ago(T" if the person detects if%%. incongruity% he scores #imKsthetic over auditory. /. f ut. 6inesthc7ic in urnre. -/E

*t is important to note that people 'ill often lead 'ith the accessing pattern 'hich is most comfortable to them. A "visual%" for e!ample% may first access 'ith a visual accessing pattern 'hen as#ed to say 'hat letter comes before the letter "p" in the alphabet. &hat he is doing is using a visual lead system to create an image of the alphabet in order to ans'er the ?uestion. &hen a person persists in using one of the accessing patterns as the initial step in gaining the information% it may ta#e several ?uestions of the same type before you can observe the accessing cue for 'hich you are testing. One thing 'hich can assist you in eliciting the pattern you are testing for is to model the posture% tonality% and other minimal cues 'hich match the communication category and representational system presupposed by the ?uestion you are as#ing. 5or e!ample% 'hen as#ing a #inesthetic ?uestion% rounding your shoulders slightly% bending for'ard% spea#ing some'hat lo'er% and using a "placating" palm up hand gesture may help direct the person(s attention at an unconscious level to that accessing pattern. Part ,< )apping the Pre5erre. (y!,em *n. : er*rc)y *n the follo'ing sections you 'ill again be 'atching for accessing cues eye movements% shifts in breathing and posture% and other indications of systematic use of informa tion retrievel behaviors. +ince it is important in the sections 'hich follo' to #no' 'hat a person(s typical accessing patterns are 'hether do'n left or do'n right for feelings% for e!ample it is necessary to have already mapped the person(s accessing cues schematic 8see Part. A9. As you observe ho' a person responds in each of the sections belo'% C. *nternal dialog. Often the most difficult to detect% this cue is best observed as it naturally occurs% usually 'hen a person is not being re?uired to interact 'ith others. +ometimes this cue can be elicited by as#ing ?uestions such as% "During the ?uieter moments in your life% 'hat do you find yourself thin#ing aboutT" -/7 4ou 'ill be able to identify both his preferred representational system and his representational system hierarchy. As in Part A% the 'ording of the instructions given are only representative of 'hat could be said. Bse your o'n ideas in creating the instructions and ?uestions that 'ill be most compatible 'ith your normal 'ay of communicating. +ection *. 2ive these instructions before proceeding 'ith the three steps belo'< "*(m going to say a fe' 'ords% and * 'ant you to listen to them% thin# about them% and be sure that you #no' 'hat they mean. 4ou don(t have to tell me anything. =ust listen and understand. Are you readyT" *. Concrete noun +ay a concrete noun li#e "dog%" "tree%" or "boat%" then pause and observe the nonverbal response as the person hears and ma#es sense of 'hat he has heard. "hese responses 'ill be so fast and subtle that it 'ill re?uire your utmost attention. &hat you are 'atching for is an accessing pattern. 5or e!ample% upon hearing the 'ord "dog%" a "#in." might loo# do'n and to the right as he accesses the feelings associated 'ith his un#erstan#ing of 'hat the 'ord "dog" represents to him. A "visual" might glance up and to the left% creating an image of a dog associated 'ith his un#erstan#ing, 'hile a "tonal" or "digital" may glance from one side to the other% repeating the 'ord "dog" and associating it 'ith other auditory

elements. &atch for consistent use of one of these patterns as you continue belo'. /. Abstract noun +ay an abstract noun a nominali;ation li#e "friendship" or "manifestation%" then 'ait for the nonverbal response. "he reponses 'ill usually be almost immediate. -D. Nonsense syllables. +ay -- nonsense 'ord -/C constructed imaging. Once you #no' this information% you 'ill find that it remains fairly constant for any individual. "hough accessing patterns seem to remain stable in adults% children belo' the age of si! or seven do not demonstrate patterns as consistent as children 'ho are older. "his may occur due to the development of hemispheric dominance 'hich theoretically doesn(t develop before that age. Part , of the mapping process demonstrates ho' a person is responding to the environment at that particular moment and may also indicate habitual patterns of information accessing. &ith this information% you can discern a person(s preferred representational system and representational system hierarchy. Remember% ho'ever% that these can change depending on such variables as setting% amount of stress the individual is e!periencing% and his or her internal response to you. )apping may be used to simply verify the meaning of one small piece of behavior or information. *n the e!ample 'here =oe e!hibited the analog behavior of glancing up and to the left% the therapist could verify that he 'as "seeing" an siditic image by simply as#ing the appropriate mapping ?uestion. Or you can map a person completely prior to a formal counseling session. )apping can be done overtly% or the ?uestions can be embedded in the course of an ordinary intervie'. 3ventually% as you "tune" yourself to the people around you% you may find that the process of mapping people becomes an automatic part of your o'n communicative behavior. Done in this 'ay% almost unconsciously% it can be a tremendously useful means of both gathering important information and gaining rapport. Part A< '*++ n1 ,)e Acce!! n1 C0e (c)em*, c As you as# the ?uestions 'hich follo'% pay attention to the person(s eyes as 'ell as to shifts in posture and breathing +ometimes the response is so minimal it is hard to detect. *f you fail to get a satisfactory response% go on to the ne!t ?uestion and come bac# to it later. "he ?uestions given here are only e!amples. 4ou can be creative and generate ?uestions of your o'n% but pay attention to the predicates -/1 4ou use. *f they presuppose a representational system 'hich is different from the one you are testing% the person may be led into the accessing pattern associated 'ith that system. -. Con!,r0c,e. m*1e!. As# a visual ?uestion about the future% li#e% "&hat do you imagine 8*% this to'n% that tree9 'ill loo# li#e ten years from no'T" "his re?uires the person to construct an image of something he has not yet e!perienced. /. 3idetic images. As# a visual ?uestion about the past li#e% "&hat color 'as your first carT" or about specific information li#e% "$o' many 'indo's are there on the front of your houseT" "his calls to mind some previously e!perienced image. D. Con!,r0c,e. !+eec). As# for a comple! verbal response li#e% "&hat does it mean to be Opredisposed(T" *f you preface this ?uestion 'ith the directions% "=ust thin# about 'hat you 'ould say 'ithout ans'ering%" you allo' for the "rehearsal" of speech.

F. Remembere. !o0n.!. As# for auditory recall from the recent past or from a 'ellrehearsed "tape loop" li#e% "&hat 'as the first ?uestion * as#ed youT" or( "&hat letter comes before (p( in the alphabetT" .. 5eelings. As# a ?uestion 'hich presupposes the #inesthetic system% especially derived feelings li#e% "$o' did you feel on the day before your last birthdayT" or "&hat 'as the most 8e!citing% scary% happy9 e!perience you have ever hadT" Again% as#ing the person to simply thin# of the e!perience 'ithout verbally responding may give you a better analog response. your 'ife again% and as you do% * 'ould li#e you to do t'o things< * 'ant you to continue to loo# at her rather than loo#ing a'ay% and% as you loo# at her * 'ant you to ta#e several slo' deep breaths. &ill you do that(T" =oe< "Bh% sure% * guess so." As he carries out the therapist(s instructions% =oe e!periences a moment of confusion% but as it passes% he comments< "+ay% you #no' * didn(t feel that 'ay this time:" A portion of the remaining session 'as devoted to instructing =oe on ho' and 'hen he could use this "ne' behavior" to help him achieve his goal of "better communication" 'ith his 'ife. ,ody Posture Bo#y posture can also be a good indicator of ho' a person is accessing information. *t is much easier to "visuali;e" 'hen you assume a "visual(s" posture< bac# staight and erect% chin raised and for'ard% eyes loo#ing up% and breathing shallo'. "o access feelings% round the shoulders and bac#% lean for'ard% and breathe deeper into the abdomen. "a#ing the "telephone" posture 'ith the head tilted to one side 'e can facilitate tonal information accessing% 'hile the arms folded% head bac# posture of the "digital" is a good 'ay to become digitali;ed. ' n m*/ C0e! Often people 'ill e!hibit very slight shifts or variations from their "normal" stature. "hese behaviors are minimal cues. ,y training yourself to be alert to these slight shifts% you can often catch subtle nuances of communication that pass most people by at the conscious level. Auditory accessing is often simply a slight tilt of the head as the person recalls "tape loops" or tries to remember 'hat someone has said. Deep thought utili;ing internal dialog loo#s much li#e Rodin(s famous sculpture of ""he "hin#er%( 'ith various personal modifications. A slight stiffening of -/.. the spine or tensing of the shoulders can indicate visual processing% 'hile the opposite minimal cues rounded shoulders and curved spine can indicate that a person is "getting in touch" 'ith the information. &o n1 #)ro01) ,)e 'o, on! $ave you ever 'al#ed into a room and then% having forgotten 'hat it 'as that you 'ere after% found yourself retracing your steps in order to rememberT &hat you are doing is literally placing your body bac# into physical positions 'hich 'ill help you remember. 8Of course% visual and other cues along the 'ay also help.9 Often% in order to accurately describe a particular% comple! motion li#e a golf s'ing or tennis serve%

the person giving the description 'ill find himself literally going through the motions. "hese are both e!amples of a special case of #inesthetic accessing involving movement. As you become more alert to minimal cues people give as they communicate% you 'ill notice people(s muscles involuntarily responding 'ith subtle movements as they recall the gross motor movements of the actions they are accessing. '*++ n1 )apping is a process by 'hich you can determine both an individual(s preferred representational system and also that person(s eye scanning accessing patterns. 5or e!ample% 'ith Part A that follo's% you can determine 'hether a person systematically loo#s do'n left for feelings or for internal dialog. +ince accessing cues may be reversed in some lefthand% %%% it can be important to determine 'hich side of the visual iye scanning pattern is eidetic imaging and 'hich is -// LOOU*N2 DO&N AND LOOU*N2 DO&N AND "O "$3 R*2$"< "O "$3 L35"< feelings internal #ialog NO"3< "his schematic is reversed for some lefthanded people. CAB"*ON< "his represents a generali;ation of human behavior. R3)3),3R< W)en n .o0b,, c)ec; , o0,< O,)er Acce!! n1 P*,,ern! Bre*,) n1 "here are other observable behaviors associated 'ith accessing patterns. Breathing, for e!ample% can be an e2cellent indicator of certain information retrieval patterns. Often 'hen people are accessing visually% either constructing an image or remembering eidetic images% their breathing becomes very shallo'. *t can even stop altogether: "he follo'ing recounting of a therapy session demonstrates ho' this #ind of information can be useful. "he therapist has noticed that 'hen the husband 8=oe9 faces his 'ife% there are often long pauses in his breathing. At particularly stressful times he even holds his breath. =oe has >ust indicated that whene)er his 'ife loo#s at him "a particular 'ay%" he feels upset 8see "comple! e?uivalents%" page /19. "herapist< "&ould you tell me% =oe% ho' your 'ife(s loo#ing at you that 'ay causes you to be upsetT"s =oe(s imme#iate nonverbal response to the ?uestion is to glance up and to his left. As he does so% his breathing almost stops% and there is a long pause before he spea#s. "his matches the behavior previously observed by the therepist. =oe< "* don(t #no'. * >ust get the idea she(s disgusted or angry 'ith me or something." 5rom =oe(s analog res*onse, the therapist has a very important and potentially useful *iece of information. $is behavior indicates a strong possibility that =oe is "seeing" an internal image from some past e!perience 8an ei#etic image9. &hen =oe "sees" this image% he becomes upset. *t is important to note that =oe is completely una'are of this process 8"* don(t #no'. * >ust get the idea...."9 *f this is true% then it is not actually his 'ife(s loo#ing at him that "certain 'ay" that is upsetting him. *t is% rather% some visually coded memory that is elicited or brought to

mind by that loo#. *n effect% =oe is responding to an internally generate# e!perience 8see pages /F /.9 rather than to the e!ternally presented stimuli. After determining from =oe that his 'ife is still loo#ing at him "that 'ay%" the therapist(s intervention demonstrates ho' a slight change in =oe(s behavior can have a dramatic effect on his e!perience. "herapist< ".=oe% * 'onder if you coded loo# at */<i rounded% body dra'n into itself% "hat person is really "into his feelings." Remember that for some individuals% accessing feelings 'ill be do'n and to the left. tions appear to the observer. Put together% they form the accessing cues schematic. Loo#ing do'n and to the left< 8nternal dialog. 1 Bsually associated 'ith "deep thought%( these are the 'ords and sounds made internally that accompany this process. 8At times these sounds and e!clamations may "lea#" out 'ithout a person(s being a'are of it< "Please stop mumbling to yourself" is an often heard response to this lea#age.9 "ypically% internal dialog is a running commentary on your current e!perience. At ?uieter moments% it can be an analytic tool of comple!% rational% logical thin#ing. 8"his 'ould be "rational" and "logical" only relative to the individual(s model of reality% not necessarily to a general consem sus of reality:9 "his accessing pattern may be do'n and to the right for some individuals. Defocused 3yes< Aisuali;ation. "his may be in any of the above positions and is very often used during face to face conversations by individuals 'ho communicate using the "loo# to listen" rule. "his is usually accessing of either eidetic or constructed visual imagery. $o'ever% it may also indicate accessing of other forms of information. &hen in doubt% chec# it out: Closed 3yes< "aste an# smell. Although people often close their eyes in order to remember a particular taste or smell% 'atch for movements of the eyes under the lids. "hese movements can indicate any of the previously discussed accessing cues and can be interpret ed as if the eyes 'ere open. "he follo'ing illustratations demonstrate ho' the eye posi LOOU*N2 BP AND LOOU*N2 BP AND "O "$3 R*2$"< "O "$3 L35"< constructing images remembering images LOOU*N2 L3A3L% AND LOOU*N2 L3A3L% AND "O "$3 R*2$"< (f0 "$3 L35"< constructing speech remembering soun#s 3ye scanning patterns are the most easily observable accessing behavior. Descriptions 'hich follo' are based on patterns usually e!hibited by right handed people 8left hemisphere dominant9. "he patterns are reversed for some left handed individuals. Please notice that this is another generali;ed model. *t is advisable 'hen possible to chec# out your observations by either direct ?uestioning or by correlating eye patterns 'ith other accessing behaviors. +ee also the section on ")apping" in this chapter. &hen you observe people tal#ing or thin#ing% you may notice their eyes constantly in motion% darting bac# and forth% up and do'n% occasionally glancing at ob>ects and people but >ust as often "focused" on inner e!periences. As previously mentioned% these movements are symptomatic of the 'ay they are thin#ing. *n the descriptions that follo'%

the 'ord "loo#ing" refers to the movement of a person(s eyes in the direction indicated. "Left" means to'ards that person(s left% and "right" means to'ards his right. *t is helpful to #eep in mind that this accessing behavior represents "loo#ing" internally. "hat is% during the moment of information retrieval% people arc generally not conscious of e!ternal visual stimuli. Rather% they are concentrating on internally stored or internally generated images% sounds% 'ords% and feelings. Please notice also that the italici;ed 'ords belo' indicate the #ind of information being accessed. Loo; n1 0+ *n. ,o ,)e r 1),- 'onstructe# images. (these are visual images or pictures 'hich are created by the individual. "hey can be recombinations of pieces of previously e!perienced visual input 8see "eidetic images"9 into ne' or novel forms or se?uences% or they can be created images 'hich are constructed in response to other sensory stimuli. Constructed images are usually characteri;ed by flatness or lac# of depth and sometimes by a lac# of color. Loo#ing up and to the left< -i#etic images. "hese are stored visual images or pictures of past events and other previously e!perienced visual stimuli. "his includes dreams and constructed images that have already been e!perienced. (these images are usually characteri;ed by having both depth and motion as in u movie as 'ell as color. Loo#ing level and to the right< Constructed s*eech "his pattern is usually associated 'ith the process of creating spo#en language. *n this position% the person is "putting into 'ords" 'hat he 'ants to say ne!t. Loo; n1 /e7e/ *n. ,o ,)e /e5,- Remembered soun# "his includes such tonal representation as the "alphabet tune" unit letters% advertisement >ingles% phone numbers% and collo?uialisms li#e slang and s'earing. "his is also 'here a person often moves the eyes 'hen remembering auditory tape loops< messages stored in short% often tuneful or rhythmic patterns 'hich have been so often repeated that the person has lost conscious a'areness of their e!istence. One e!ample of this is the "Remember to get the mil# on the 'ay home from 'or#" line that is recited so often during the course of the morning that it eventually drops from conscious a'areness. Note< "he ne!t t'o eye scanning patterns are often reversed in both right and left handed people. *t is important to determine 'hich pattern is being used by an individual 8see ")apping"9 before you can use the information gained from observing these eye movements. Loo#ing do'n and to the right< /eelings *n this position a person can access both derived feelings 8emotions9 and stored #inesthetic memories. "hin# of the position you often see a depressed person in< head bo'ed% shoulders As if the ceiling behind me could someho' give him the ans'er% he searched intently bac# @rnd forth over my bro'% saying% "Let me see no'." "his person(s 'ords provide one immediate clue< he is someho' visually "+earching" for information. And again 'e are presented 'ith analog gesturing >ust as infonnativc as the 'ords< 'hat he is doing 'ith his eyes. *n the mid -010(s ,undle% and 2rinder hegan to study the patterns of movements of people(s eyes it% people thought and spo#e.(fhey discovered that these movements correlated fairly 'ell 'ith fertain types of information rctrievel behaviors. (Chest systematic patterns of behavior 'ere eventually formali;ed into @D model called accessing

eae!. Rye +canning Patterns &hen people arc thin#ing and tal#ing% they tnHrve their eyes in 'hat is #no'n as eye % forming pattern.%. "hese movements appear to be symptomatic of their attempts to gain access to internally stored or internally generated inf(ortnation. "his information is encoded in our minds in one or more of the representational systems 8see Chapter **9. &hen a person "goes inside" to retrieve a memory or to create a ne' thought% he e!hibits certain behaviors indicative of the representational system he is accessing at the moment. "he t'o e!amples given above dernonstratc these accessing behaviors in action. +plit ,rain "heory< "'o in One "+plit brain studies at the California *nstitute of "echnology during the .0(s and C0(s opened up a 'hole ne' field of brain research. Bnder the direction of linger +perry% n Cal "ech group conducted research on patients 'hose epileptic sei;ures had been controlled by tai operation 'hich severed the corpus eallosutn and rehited cummissures. "his *"ocedure isolated one cerebral hemisphere from the other by severing the communication path'ays bet'een them. % )a>or results of the research indicated a hemis*heric speciali;ation. 3ach hemisphere of the brain apparently employs different modes of processing information 8see diagram belo'9. *t is possible that this speciali;ation of brain function is being emulated by a person(s eye scanning movements 'hen he is thin#ing and calling upon different portions of the brain to process information. "he follo'ing list of 'ords from =. 3. ,ogenli indicates parallel 'ays of "#no'ing." "he dra'ing represents the t'o hemispheres of the brain and the bilateral crossover 'hich is most obvious as "handedness." A right handed person has a dominant left hemisphere@ a lefthanded person has a dominant right hemisphere. LEF# :E'"(P:ERE intellect convergent digital secondary abstract directed propositional analytic linear rational se?uential ob>ective successive R"&:# :E'"(P:ERE intuition divergent analogic primary concrete free imaginative holistic nonlinear intuitive multiple sub>ective simultaneous response is an "emotional indicator." +ays $all% "+ince people can(t control the response of their eyes% 'hich is a dead givea'ay% many Arabs ... 'ear dar# glasses% even indoors."( Desmond )orris also addresses this phenomena in his boo# .antuatching, saying% "...the >ade dealers of preRevolutionary China...too# to 'earing dar# glasses e!pressly in order to hide their e!cited pupil dilations 'hen they 'ere handed a particularly valuable specimen of >ade."(; 3specially important in &estern cultures 'here the "loo# tolisten" rule is so 'idespread% our eyes play a critical part in communicative processes. on the eyeball and electric stimulation of certain parts of the brain. *t is the sympathetic division of the Autonomic Nervous +ystem 8AN+9 'hich acts to change pupil si;e in response to emotional stimulation. 3ven conditions of mild arousal or interest 'ill systematically affect the pupil. Uno'ing 'hat emotional states elicit these systematic changes can give the astute observer a special #ind of "insight" into a person(s internal state.

#)e 6 !0*/ (y!,em "his diagram of the visual system sho's ho' visual input is transmitted by the optic nerve to the brain. Notice ho' input from the right and left fields of vision go to opposite sides of the brain. "his crossover occurs at a >unction called the Optic chiasma. Lcia( A*+BAL 5*3LD R*2$" A*+BAL 5*3LD O U N3RA3 Or" -- 2$*A+)A Aisual sensations may be generated by stimulation other than light% such as pressure Occ + ,*/ Cor,e9 R3"*NA nrl($( rancrs "$ALA)B+ R3LA4 AR3A 3c#hard $ess began to study pupil dilations as a psychologist at the Bniversity of Chicago. $is research stimulated a great deal of interest in "e!pressive eyes%"(( sho'ing that pupil dilation or constriction is an e!tremely accurate indicator of that person(s response to stimulation. Results demonstrated that 'hen a person is interested or aroused% the pupil dilates. &hen confronted 'ith unpleasant or no!ious stimuli% the pupil constricts. Oc0/*r Acce!! n1 C0e! &hen someone is trying to "remember" something% part of 'hat you see% if you 'atch closely% are specific patterns of movement and changes in the person(s physiology related to the process of remembering. As y described you read the follo'ing e!amples% imagine that you are closely 'atching the people . Rita told us that she 'as confused. +he sat for a long moment 'ith her head bo'ed% and she shoo# it slo'ly from side to side. 5inally% ga;ing do'n at the floor to her left% she muttered% "+omeho'% it>ustdoesn(tfeel right." 5rom Rita(s 'ords% you can easily guess that she is very much into her feelings. $o'ever% there is another piece of important information given by >ust her eyes Won, 9 How #o they 7you5 ma(e you 7them5 feel that way: ;se: When the s*ea(er e2*resses causeeffect relationshi*s with others' emotions -2am*le: When s*ea(er says, <1he ma(es me angry,< as(, <How #oes she ma(e you angry':< -2am*le: When s*ea(er says, <8 feel ba# for ma(ing her unha**y,< as(, <What #i# you #o that you belie)e ma#e her unha**y:< = $ccor#ing to whom: ;se: When you hear an unsubstantiate# )alue >u#gement -2am*le: When s*ea(er says, <&hat was a stu*i# thing to #o,< as(, <1tu*i# accor#ing to whom':< -2am*le: When s*ea(er says, <His incom*etence bothers me,< as(, <Who belie)es that he is incom*etent':< C$AP"3R *A< "$3 A*+BAL )OD3L

&he youth searche# for the answer in the #irection first in#icate# by the ol# man But nothing was there $n# when she returne# her ga?e bac( to his face, she reali?e# that he ha# not #irecte# her attention out o)er the lan#sca*e, but rather inwar# into the )ast reaches of her being Pupil Response 8n the early !@9A's there a**eare# on the mar(et a uni3ue ty*eoor:f tshuen wglassesearer co &hey coul#weremfor )ertaby much li(e am one-way mirrly see out, uch li(e or#inary sha#e# glasses, but no one coul# see in through their mirror-li(e reflection &hey 3uic(ly gaine# in *o*ularity an# soon were gi)en the collo3uial name <cheaters < &he significance of that name lies in the *rofoun# intuiti)e awareness we ha)e of the im*ortance of our eyes in communication 1ome *eo*le are more alert than others to what is communicate# by the eyes 8n his #iscusssion of .i##le -astern cultures, Hall states that the $rabs ha)e (nown about Pupil res*onse for years &his unconcious &ithout that identification% any challenge to the belief system is irrelevant. *n #eeping 'ith their tendency to be "nominali;ed%" removing themselves from any position 'hich might leave them open to criticism or challenge% "tonals" and "digitals" both commonly use this pattern. *t is possible to ma#e s'eeping generali;ations% profound truths and important >udgements and not ever identify yourself as the originator of such. An e!ample of this pattern is< "+tatistically spea#ing% results demonstrate that under prime conditions it is considered in the best interests of all concerned that it is important to be assertive." +ummary "he )eta )odel Refrained No' that you have learned the )eta )odel% here is a brief summary of the model in terms of seven basic )eta )odel response ?uestions. &*,)er n1 "n5orm*, on -. &ho% 'hat% 'here% 'hen% ho'% specificallyT Bse< &hen information is left out of the spea#er(s ++ 8deleted9 or 'hen it has been unspecified or generali;ed. 3!ample< &hen spea#er says% "*(m depressed%" as#% "&hat is depressing you@ 'hat are you depressed aboutT" 3!ample< &hen spea#er says% "3veryone(s against me%" as# "&ho specifically is against you(T" /. Can you say that about yourselfT Bse< &hen the spea#er says something about another person that may apply to himself. 3!ample< &hen the spea#er says. "+he never seems to understand me%" say% "Can 4ou say "* never seem to understand herT" 3!ample< &hen the spea#er says ")y boss hates me%" say% "&hat do you e!perience 'hen you say% O* hate my boss(T" 3!panding Limits D. &hat stops youT &hat woul# happen if you #i#: 8catastrophic e!pectations9 Bse< &hen you hear 'ords li#e "can(t" or "should." 3!ample< &hen spea#er says% "* can(t love%" as#% "&hat stops you from lovingT" 3!ample< &hen spea#er says% "* must be understanding%" as#% "&hat 'ould happen if you 'eren(tT" F. Can you thin( of a time 8situation9 when you #i# 7#i#n't5:<

Bse< &hen the spea#er indicates the belief that there are oo e!ceptions. 3!ample< &hen spea#er says% "3veryone thin#s *(m stupid%" as#% "Can you tell me one person 'ho doesn(tT 4ou mean everyone thin#s you(re stupid% even your pet roc#T" 3!ample< &hen spea#er says% "*(m al'ays late%" as#% "Can you thin# of. time 'hen you 'eren(t lateT" Changing )eanings B flow #o you (now: Bse< &hen the spea#er is mind reading. 3!ample< &hen spea#er says% "* #no' he doesn(t love me%" as#% "$o' do you #no'T" 3!ample< &hen spea#er says% "$e should #no' better%" as#% "flo' should he #no'T" important to bring into their conscious a'areness the specific behaviors 'hich they believe to be the cause of the emotional states. -Dy maintaining a meta perspective an a'areness of the *attern involved you can effectively lead the spea#ers to an understanding of the concept in 'ays that are more relevant to them personally. *n this 'ay you 'ould not deal directly 'ith the more abstract ideology that underlies their belief system but 'ould concentrate on more pragmatic% practical implications of the pattern. One mista#en notion sometimes arises during the teaching of the concept of cause and effect to groups. +ome people thin# it implies that a person may do 'hatever he li#es regardless of others. * 'ould li#e to stress that a person 'ho is behaving in a responsible manner is cogni;ant enough of others to ta#e into account ho' they may choose to respond to his behaviors. )ost individuals do not care to spend time 'ith someone 'ho behaves in a 'ay 'hich is unpleasant to them. People learn early 'hat #inds of behavior 'ill get them 'hat they 'ant% and these are incorporated into their models of the 'orld. 3veryone is al'ays acting in accordance 'ith these models. Only too often% these generali;ed statements about the 'orld come from the spea#er(s o'n model. ,y linguistically leaving himself out as the evaluator or >udge% the spea#er indicates the possibility that there are limits 'ithin his model that he doesn(t recogni;e as being self imposed. -Dy re?uesting the spea#er to identify the ">udge" 'ho is ma#ing these value >udgements% you can assist him in confronting those limits or rules in his model of the 'orld. Once they have been identified% they can be challenged for their validity% especially if they are preventing the spea#er from e!periencing a fuller% richer life. +ome e!amples of this violation that are often indicative of unconscious% limiting rules are< !A@ Lost performative. Lost performative refers to >udgments% beliefs% or standards e!pressed by a person in such a 'ay that the individual 'ho is ma#ing the >udgment or setting the standard is not identified in the spea#er(s ++. (these statements usually come out as generali;ations about the 'orld% and they have no apparent connection 'ith the spea#er. *n the illustration belo'% it is hard to tell 'hether the girl is simply "parroting" something she has heard or actually believes 'hat she is saying. Of course% the hm(s response to her initial statement indicates 'hat he thin#s about the matter: +pea#er< ""hat(s a stupid thing to do." Response< ""hat(s stupid according to

'homT" +pea#er< "Oh% it(s not important any'ay." Response< "*t(s not important to 'homT" +pea#er< "*Cs not good to be strict." Response< "Not good to 'homT" ,4 getting the spea#er to use such phrases as "* thin#..." or ")y belief is...%" the spea#er is able to identify himself as the s*ecificC performer of the >udgment% thought% belief or action. -0C premise that one person cannot ta#e the responsibility as the causal 'ent for another(s emotions. "he follo'ing transcript from that seminar gives one possible response to this cause and effect belief system. ,.L.< &oman< "Not if it might ma#e them feel bad. 4ou have an obligation% especially 'ith clients% to say things in a 'ay that 'ill ma#e them feel better.( ,. L< "4ou mean% then% that it is important to push the Ogood feelings( buttonsT" &oman< "4es% e!actly. As a therapist you(re in a position to selectively push the buttons that 'ill ma#e the client feel better." ,.L.< "&hat you(re saying% then% is that% if you 'ere my client% it 'ould be possible for me to push your but tons. Please tell me ?uic#ly% are they on the front of you or on your bac#T * 'ouldn(t 'ant to push a 'rong one by accident(." After the laughter died do'n the 'oman laughed good naturedly% too * continued% saying% "+eriously% * thin# it(s important for each of you to decide for yourself>ust 'here those "buttons" are and 'hether you believe they are on the inside or on the outside. *f they(re on the outside% see# professional help immediately: *f they(re on the inside% 'ell% then% than# goodness. At least you #no' 'ho pushes them no'% don(t you(T: ,y challenging this belief system 'hen it is being counterproductive or causing undue pain% you can assist the spea#er in having more choices about ho' to feel and operate in the 'orld. "here are t'o 'ays to challenge this violation. As# the spea#er to tell you ho'% specifically% he caused the other person to feel that 'ay. Or as# ho' the other person ma#es the spea#er feel a particular 'ay. "his 'ill give you a great deal of information about ho' the spea#er ma#es sense of the 'orld and ho' he perceives himself in relation to others. "his information may be invaluable in the ongoing pro cesses of positive change and gro'th. "his pattern is typical of the person acting from the #inesthetic communication category. 2enerally% it comes out as "4ou hurt me 'hen you say those things 8* have no control over my feelings9%" or "*(m sorry if *(ve hurt your feelings 8* don(t deserve this po'er over you@ * feel guilty for using it9." +ome e!amples and )eta )odal responses are< +pea#er< ""heir laughter ma#es me mad." Response< "$o' does their laughing cause you to be madT" +pea#er< "+he upsets me." Response< "&hat% specifically% does she do that you feel upset about(T" +pea#er< "* feel bad for ma#ing her cry." Response< "&hat did you do that you believe made her cryT"

Choices it is not al'ays necessary to challenge directly the cause and effect belief system in the therapeutic setting. &hen people present this pattern in their ++% it is sometimes more -01 ""hen you(re saying that it isn(t right to go around Opushing other people(s buttons(." ton "he mind reading pattern is often associated 'ith people operating out of the visual communication category. *t can come out in an accusing "* #no' 'hat you(re thin#ing:" or in the more direct "4ou ought to #no' better than that:" "his linguistic form implies a need in the spea#er to be in control of the environment through omniscient "#no'ing" and is often communicated 'ith the "* shouldn(t have to tell you" format. Cause and effect. Cause and effect is a particutarly 'idespread and potentially pain producing )eta )odel violation. *t is the belief that an action such as a verbal or facial e!pression can cause another person to e!perience a definite emotion or "inner state." "he person responding believes he has no choice in ho' to respond. A statement li#e% "4ou ma#e me mad%" implies that there is no other possible 'ay to respond. *t is as if the spea#er has relin?uished all responsibility for creating his o'n emotional state. "he fallacy of the cause and effect presuppositions becomes apparent 'hen some action by one person results in completely different responses from others involved% as in the illustration belo'. Cause *n. E55ec,- D 55eren, Re!+on!e! 2,)ere are t'o 'ays in 'hich cause and effect belief systems can bring about pain or unhappiness. 5irst% the belief that someone. else can create in you an emotional state implies that you have no control over your o'n feelings or thoughts. &ithout this control% not only are you unable to change your inner e!perience in order to become more comfortable% but you are also dependent on others to create "good" feelings inside of you. +econd% since you believe that you can cause another person to e!perience pleasurable emotions% then you can also cause them to e!perience pain and sorro'. &ith this "po'er" comes a sense of responsibility as the "causal agent." &hen you "ma#e" someone sad% then you feel guilty and often 'ant to #no' if there is "anything * can do" to "ma#e them feel better." &ithin this belief system% it is possible to persecute yourself for something that you actually have no control over% since you cannot cause or create a different outcome. "he effects of this pattern are illustrated belo'. "he man finds himself in a ?uandry as a result of his cause and effect belief system. \uestioning these ?uasi causal connections can often assist a person in e!periencing more choices and much less pain and guilt in his life. Cause and 3ffect As the instructor of a seminar on the )eta )odel * 'as once ?uestioned by a young 'oman 'ho firmly believed that the feelings and emotions of a client are very much in the hands of the therapist. +he stated her belief that a therapist has a "duty and responsibility to ensure that a client doesn(t feel bad(." "hough * agreed that "irresponsible behavior" on the part of any people helper is unethical% * maintained the -8-/ C*/ br*,e. Comm0n c*, on

)ind reading plays a special part in calibrate# cominunicatioD or calibrate# loo*s "hese are unconscious% often pain producing patterns of communication that can be observed bet'een individuals in couples and in families" "he e!cerpt from the session 'ith =ac# and his family revealed that =ac#(s 'ife(s staring at the floor meant something specific to =ac#. $is "* #no' that loo#" indicated at least a partial a'areness on his part of a familiar pattern of communication bet'een them. "his "loop%" the se?uence of "the loo#" and his response to it% 'as repeated several times during the session. &henever =ac#(s 'ife stared at the floor% he became sullen and uncomfortable. $is response 'as not related to the content of the ongoing conversation but 'as based on minor subliminal cues. "hese are unconscious nonverbal communications that have special meanings to the individuals involved. "hese special meanings are often an important part of an individual(s comple! e?uivalents 8see Chapter *9. *n =ac#(s case% loo#ing at the floorY "being pissed off." As a therapist or counselor or any person 'ho 'or#s 'ith people% your ability to recogni;e and bring these patterns into the a'areness of those involved can help disarm their harmful effects. -0D &hen this pattern is used% the spea#er reverses the mind reading and pro>ects it onto others. "he 'oman in the illustration% for e!ample% believes that since she "#no's" 'ithout as#ing 'hat ma#es the man happy% then he "should #no'" 'ithout as#ing 'hat ma#es her happy. Challenging Pro>ected )ind Reading this form of mind reading is>ust as important as challenging the other form. +ome e!amples of the mind reading distinctions are< +pea#er< "* #no'% 'hat(s good for him." Response< "$o' do you #no' 'hat is good for himT" +pea#er< "* can tell she doesn(t li#e me." Response< "$o' can you tell she doesn(t li#e youT" )ind reading is insidious in that it can 'or# t'o 'ays One 'ay% demonstrated in the previous e!amples% comes out as "* #no' 'hat you(re thin#ing." "he other form of mind reading occurs 'hen a person believes that others should #no' 'hat he is thin#ing or feeling. "he illustration belo' us an e!ample of this form of reversed or pro>ected min# , co#ing +pea#er< "*le should #no' better." Response< "$o' should he #no' not to do thatT" +pea#er< "*f she really cared about me% she 'ouldn(t have to as# 'hat * need." Response< "*f she doesn(t as#% then ho' 'ill she #no' for sure 'hat you needT" -00 the phrase% "*f only she really #ne' ho' he feels...%" really ma#es sense: &hen someone ma#es a statement 'hich implies #no'ledge of another(s internal emotional state or thoughts% there are t'o )eta )odel responses you can ma#e. One response can be made only if the person about 'hom the statement has been made is available. +imply as# the mind reader to chec# out his statement 'ith that person. *f his perception is inaccurate% the other person can assist the spea#er in more precisely tuning in to his true thoughts or feelings. Consistently as#ing individuals in therapy and in other settings to chec# out their mind residing statements 'ith the people involved sets a good e!ample for more accurate involvement in the process of relating 'ith others. "he other )eta )odel response is to simply as# the spea#er% "*lo' do you #no'T" Often

his response 'ill give you a surprising amount of information about ho' lie perceives the 'orld around him. 4ou tray also get indications of personal rules 8see Chapter **9 'hich the spea#er utili;ed in building and maintaining his model of reality. *u the above illustration% if the 'oman 'ere as#ed ho' she "#ne'" that the man "isn(t even interested%" her response. might be "&ell% he never seems to too# the straight in the eye 'hen 'e tal#. And he doesn(t seem to notice 'hen * 'ear something nice." &ith this information you no' #no' that for her% loo#ing her straight in the eye and commenting oil her clothes means that you are "interested." "his can be particularly important information to have in a family setting or in other close relationships. "he follo'ing e!cerpt from a family therapy session e!emplifies ho' this linguistic pattern often occurs. =ac# *%.% having arrived late to the session% immediately turned to his 'ife% saying% "* #no' 'hat you(re thin#ing% all of you: 4ou(re disappointed in me. 4ou thin# *(ve failed yet% again. 4ou don(t even li#e to8K anymore. *(m >ust a (bum( to you. Oh. * #no' you 'on(t ;tdmit it% but - eau tell." * 0* +omeho'% =ac# has decided that he already #no's 'hat is in each person(s head% 'hat their thoughts and feelings are. $aving arrived late to the session% these ideas of his are not based on any "concrete" evidence. "his is coming from his o'n e!pectations% from his o'n model of the 'orld. "his is easily demonstrated by the responses of the other family members to his verbal "outbrea#" as he 'al#ed into the rocnn. $is 'ife% =oan% spea#s first% then their t1 year old daughter +usan< .=oan% spea#ing softly< "&here did that come fromT 4ou #no' =ac#% * 'as >ust about to tell you ho' happy = 'as to see you. * 'ant you to #no' *(m glad you decided to come 8=oan starts to cry9% and * don(t thin# you(re a bum ....* love +usan< ")e too% daddy. &hat ma#es you thin# 'e(re disappointed in youT *(m >ust glad you(re here." "he therapist ne!t as#ed% "=ac#% 'hat 'as it that led you to thin# that everyone 'as disappointed in you% that they didn(t li#e you and thought you 'ere a bumT" =ac#(s response tells as n great deal about his model of the 'orld% including some of his o'n personal rules. "&ell% * don(t #no'. &hen * 'al#ed in% * sa' that everyone 'as sitting 'ith their arms folded% you #no'% li#e they 'ere all mad or something. &hen * 'ent to sit do'n by my 'ife% she 'ouldn(t loo# at me% she >ust( #ept staring @it the floor% you #no'% li#e people do 'hen they(re pissed off. * #no' that loo#: +usfe% there% she >ust fro'ned @it me% li#e * 'as some #ind of loon% you #no'% some stranger. =(ve done a lot of things * shouldn(t have@ it 'ould serve me right if nobody li#ed me:" 7E On ,)e L 1),er ( .e $umor can have an important place in the therapeutic setting. &hen the client comes in and is under a great deal of stress and pain% the seriousness of the situation may at times pervade the session. $o'ever% humor is an important part of our e!perience% and 'hen 'e can laugh at ourselves% it is sometimes easier to accept and change our foibles and failings. "he therapist 'ho can utili;e humor to lighten% 'ithout ma#ing light of% the process of change and discovery can often use this talent to ?uic#ly gain

and maintain positive rapport 'ith his client. One interesting and useful aspect of universal ?uantifiers is that they often have built in% therapeutic% double bin#s, (these can be used to assist the spea#er in rapidly e!panding the implied limit as in the follo'ing e!amples< Response< <-)erybo#y's al'ays mean to you% everyone you #no'% even your best friend% even the mil# manT" +pea#er< "Nothing special ever happens to me." Response< "* 'onder if you can remember at least one time 'hen something special did happen to you." Bpon hearing the client say% """hough * 'ant to% *(ll never respect her@ * al'ays get 'hat * 'ant from her%" the therapist responded 'ith< "* have a home'or# assignment for you. During the coming 'ee# * 'ould li#e for you to as# her to give you only 'hat you 'ant in order to respect her." &hen one client entered% saying% "you #no'% *(ve never learned anything from a therapy session%" the counselor responded 'ith< "&ell% then% your tas# for today is to learn one thing for certain% and that is that you can learn nothing from this session." C)*n1 n1 'e*n n1! (this final section of the )eta )odel concerns the logical meanings 8semantics9 of the 'ords in a person(s ++. "he follo'ing )eta )odel violations all have in common the characteristics of either incompleteness or logical impossibility. "he 'ords and phrases in this category ma#e up some of the most challenging and useful points from 'hich to embar# on the >ourney into e!ploring and e!panding the spea#er(s model of the 'orld. )ind reading. "his is the concept that a person can #no' 'hat other people are feeling or thin#ing 'hat their internal e!periences are 'ithout verifying it 'ith them. ' n. Re*. n1 "his surreptitious presupposition of another(s internal state can be the cause of much pain and misunderstanding. As hi tluK above illustration% mind reading can prevent a person fmm achieving personal goals. (*(his is a caise 'here 77 7C &hen people 'ho are operating out of the #inesthetic category are under stress% they tend to perceive themselves as having no control% of being "at the mercy" of the situation or of the individuals involved. *n this case% it is common file them to use the linguistic form% "* can(t...%( because it fits their internal representation of the situation. "he Challenge $n 7er!*/ =0*n, 5 er!. Bniversal ?uantifiers are 'ords 'hich imply or state absolute conditions about the spea#er(s perception of reality. "hey often indicate that a generali;a tion has been made from a specific e!perience in the spea#er(s life. *n Chapter *% the case study client% +haron% e!pressed during a session that she believed "...all men are out to ta#e advantage of 'omen." +he had generali;ed from several unpleasant e!periences that all men behaved in a particular 'ay. Linguistically% her use of the 'ord "all%" a universal ?uantifier% indicated that such a generali;ation +pea#er< "*t is not possible for me to love anymore." Response< "&hat stops you from lovingT" Remember% 'hen you begin to challenge a person(s model of the 'orld% you may at

times sha#e the very foundations of his belief systems. *t is e!citing 'hen people begin to understand that they do have control in situations 'here they thought they didn(t% and they can actually change their thoughts% feelings and behaviors. $o'ever% the sudden reali;ation of this additional responsibility may also be uncomfortable or even traumatic to some. ,e prepared to provide additional support and understanding to people 'ho begin to ma#e dramatic changes in themselves and their models of reality. 71 had been made. As it 'as in her case% it can be important to challenge this generali;ation. "his enables a person to discover ho' his model limits his e!perience of the 'orld in 'ays that may be causing undue pain. *n the illustration belo'% the man is so 'rapped up in his particular frame of mind that he rune the ris# of failing to perceive the happy 'the 'elcome by his beautiful% healthy family. "his isatypistocalrteodf ay universal ?uantifiers can be indicative of di model of the 'orld. ,y helping a spea#er to recogni;e that such a statement is a generali;ation that is not necessarily based on reality% you begin the process of e!panding and changing those perceptions that limit and cause the person to suffer needlessly. "he )eta )odel response to phrases 'hich include 'ords li#e "al'ays%" "never%" "all%" "nothing ever%" etc is to as# the spea#er if lie is a'are of any contradictions to his statement. Another effective response is to repeat his statement 'hile e!aggerating 'ith your voice the universal ?uantifiers in order to demonstrate the absurdity or impossibility of the statement. +ome e!amples are< +pea#er< "* never do anything right" Response< Can you thin# of a time 'hen you did something rightT" +pea#er< "3verybody(s mean to me."

7F Other 'ords 'hich imply a lac# of choice or indicate the spea#er(s lac# of a'areness of his participation in and responsibility for his feelings and actions are< "must%" "have to%" "ought to%" and their opposites% "shouldn(t%" "must not%" etc. 3!amples of this )eta )odel violation are< +pea#er< "* must never say those things." Response< "&hat 'ill happen if you doT" "+houlds" are often heard 'hen one person is blaming another< "4ou should #no' better than that:" "his pattern is typical of someone operating out of the visual model% especially under stress. *n this 'ay% a "visual" can verbally e!ternali;e his frustration or anger at a person or situation and at the same time e!clude himself from having any responsibility for the situation. L fl modal operator of possibility is another indicationofA potentially counterproductive limitation on a person(s model 7.. Of the 'orld. &hen a person says "* can(t%" he is tal#ing about something he perceives as being outside his ability or sphere of influence. $o'ever% it is often simply the person(s perception 'hich is limiting% not his ability or the environment or the situation. *n the illustration belo'% for e!ample% the first boy(s initial statement follo'ed by his catastrophic e!pectation is a demonstration of a limit on his model of the 'orld that prevents him from even attempting to get 'hat he 'ants.

'o.*/ O+er*,or o5 Po!! b / ,y +pea#er< "* ought to be understanding 'hen he(s li#e that" Response< "&hat do you imagine 'ould happen if you 'eren(tT" +pea#er< "* have to believe in it." Response< "&hat do you thin# 'ould happen if you didn(t believe in itT" rrt h !' li Reins presented 'ith a modal operator of possibility can be an e!cellent opportunity for you to e!plore 'ith the spea#er a limitation or boundary to his model of the 'orld. ,y responding 'ith the ?uestions O "&hat 'ould ha % &hat stops youT" or happen if you didT%" you begin to assist the spea#er in determining the validity of the limit and ho' *n or dysfunctional it is for him. Again% this ?uestion brings into a'areness the usually unconscious catastrophic e!pectation in a 'ay it can be dealt 'ith. Other e!amples from this linguistic pattern are< +pea#er< "* couldn(t say something li#e that." Response< "&hat 'ould stop youT &hat 'ould happen if you didT" +pea#er< "* can(t do that." Response< "&hat do you imagine 'ould happen if you did do itT" 7/ +ince this is a special case of deletion% again your goal is to obtain the information necessary for a complete understanding of the statement as 'ell as discover more about the spea#er(s model of the 'orld. As you continue to do this% you 'ill begin to discover consistencies in the spea#er(s model. Attending to these consistencies 'ill assist you in becoming a more effective communicator and 'ill facilitate the entire process of change% "he ne!t t'o distinctions are valuable as a means of assisting in the process of e!panding the spea#er(s model of the 'orld. ,y gaining more choices about ho' to feel and thin# and 'hat to be a'are of% the spea#er gains more control over ho' to act and respond in situations 'hich arlK uncomfortable or painful. 5)n>>e, "Fe 1>?9?n9/yy% m% en;er29 n *.r/. or., /0;r9>/+/9rr7 ,o) uI n%l GGthU r%-#e n I.%-%- i ih%. r "he remaining )eta )odel responses involve challenging directly or indirectly limits that are discovered in the spea#er(s model of the 'orld. "hese limits are initially presented in the form of the spea#er(s ++. ,y using the appropriate )eta )odel responses% the boun daries of the B+ are defined. Challenging these limits linguistically can assist the spea#er in E9+*n. n1 L m ,! )eta )odel Diagram N/ 5A*(ArvmLinu rs .nou.*DAarGLnlrrs *I *h. ,n;er 9 n of "/09 7 A >" brea#ing through confining model limits or restrictions. "he results are more choices about ho' to feel% see and hear the 'orld as 'ell as alternatives to behavior 'hich have been unsatisfactory% painful or limiting.

)odal operators. )odal operator is a linguistic term meaning "modal operator" or "mode of operation." "hey define the boundaries of the person(s model of the 'orld. "o e!tend beyond these boundaries is to invite some catastrophic e!pectation over 'hich the spea#er believes he has no control. ,ringing this e!pectation into the conscious a'areness of the spea#er enables him to test and evaluate its validity. *f the limit is found to be unreasonable% the boundaries can be removed from that portion of the spea#er(s model of the 'orld. "his process gives the spea#er more choices about his thoughts and feelings. *t e!pands his a'areness and allo's him to develop alternative behaviors in response to similar situations. "he t'o types of modal operators are described belo'. -. .o#al operators of necessity are e!emplified by the imperative "should." 5or e!ample% someone might say% "* really should be more fle!ible at times li#e this." "he appropriate )eta )odel response is% "&hat do you thin# 'ould happen if you 'eren(t more fle!ibleT" "his form of ?uestion re?uires that the spea#er bring into a'areness the underlying catastrophic e!pectation that elicited the original statement. *f he determines that it is valid% that the limit is appropriate and functional% then he can choose to retain it as useful. *f% ho'ever% it turns out to be a limit 'hich is causing him undue pain or is preventing more appropriate behavior or gro'th% then it can be e!plored for its functional elements or discarded in the light of ne' choices. "he illustration belo' sho's both the modal operator of necessity and the Catastrophic e!pectation. "he t'o arc often not presented together% and sometimes the spea#er is surprised to discover lust 'hat his e!pectation is. nominali;ations. +uch phrases as "statistics demonstrate%" and "studies have sho'n%" as 'ell as ""he situation calls for%" and "Bnder the present circumstances%" are combined 'ith an incredible array of legal >argon. "his is ?uite common coming from a person 'hose preferred representational system is the digital system. As * 'al#ed up to the young lady on the bench% she 'iped a tear from her eye and as#ed% "&hy does my husband al'ays hurt meT" Bnspecified Aerbs All verbs are unspecified in that they only symboli;e an e!perience or process@ they are not that e!perience or process. $o'ever% for our purposes% there are degrees of specificity 'ithin the group of 'ords 'e call verbs. 5or e!ample% to say that someone "touched" me is much more generali;ed than to say that someone "caressed" me. ,oth verbs imply contact 'ith my person@ ho'ever% the verb "caressed" is more specific about the #ind of contact involved% Another e!ample of the use of unspecified verbs is given in the follo'ing scene< " for it. (Pile potential for creating a mis7- representation of the situation is much less li#ely 'hen 'e as# for the information. *f 'e try to "ma#e up" the missing material% 'e might decide% for e!ample% that the young lady 'as beaten by her husband. Or 'e might guess that he has been mean to her and she is tal#ing about an emotional "hurt." 3ither 'ay% 'e 'on(t #no' for sure 'ithout as#ing. "he follo'ing illustration provides an e!ample of the potential unpleasant effects of such nonspecific communication patterns. *n this case% the unspecified verb is "sho'." Other e!amples of this violation and appropriate respouses are< +pea#er< "* feel bad."

+pea#er< youT" +pea#er< "$e could demonstrate some concern." Response< "$o' 'ould you li#e him to demonstrate concern(T" Phis is a good e!ample of an often used unspecified verb% "hurt." Again 'e are faced 'ith the choice of "going inside" and creating the missing information% or 'e can simply as# $n!+ec 5 e. 6erb +ometimes the spea#er(s response to your re?uest for more information 'ill indicate rules 'ithin his model of the 'orld 8see "*ndividual Constraints%" Chapter *9. *n the last e!ample above% the spea#er might respond to the ?uestion% "$o' 'ould you li#e him to demonstrate concern(T" 'ith% "$e could ans'er more ?uic#ly." "his rule% "demonstrating concern ans'ering ?uic#ly" could have special importance in understanding the communication process of this person in certain situations. P(his )cta )odel violation% unspecified verbs% is particularly common to individuals operating out of the #inesthetic category. "hey #no' 'hat they mean by predicates li#e "hurt%" "feels goodQbad%" "deeply moved%" "entangled%" etc.% and they lend to assume that everyone else #no's 'hat they mean. +ioce this can lead to confusion and misunderstandtng% it in often important to challenge this violation. ++ Certain individuals% especially in stressful situations% tend to dissociate from somatic sensations. *t is as if they become so uncomfortable physically that they cope by removing from their conscious a'areness the source of the unpleasant feelings< their bodies. "hough "visuals" tend to dissociate from #inesthetic e!perience% it is also particularly common of "digitats." "hey often sound and loo# very removed from their bodies% their voices and movements so unanimated as to be almost robot li#e. "his shying a'ay from overly e!pressive tonality and gestures is similar to the internal e!perience associated 'ith nominali;ations as opposed to the deep structure associated 'ith verb forms. 5or this reason% "digitats" are said to have "nominali;ed" their bodies. accepted medical model% he states< Remember% * called all diseases "beha. viors%" in other 'ords% things that people do.... &hen * found a patient 'ith elevated blood pressure 8-F0Q70 mmQ$g or more9% * said to myself not "$e has hypertension" but "$e is hypertensioning." "his transformation of the nominali;ation "hypertension%" the name given to a specific set of medical conditions% bac# into a verb or process of "hypertensioning" not only altered Dr. 3llerbroe#(s perception of his patients but also his behaviors to'ard them. "his% says Dr. 3llerbroe#% changed his patients( responses to treatment in a dramatically positive 'ay. "he implication is that as 'e begin to alter our language% as in the above e!ample% 'e change our perceptions of the processes of health and disease. Bltimately% this gives us more choices about our physical and emotional conditions. Digital =obs

Response< "&hat are you feeling bad aboutT" "+he is really hard on me." Response< "$o' is she hard on

A person(s preferred representational system may influence many aspects of his life% including his choice of careers. *t may even be that the language patterns associated 'ith the preferred system are a significant part of the >ob itself. "he follo'ing is an e!ample of this generali;ation. *f you have ever listened to t'o la'yers arguing a case% you may have noticed some specific linguistic patterns. One very common means of e!pression is the deletion of themselves 8deleted referential inde!9 from the conversations and replacing the "spaces" 'ith can be: * tell you% *(m >ust tired of having all this responsibility shoved in my face... "here are t'o easy 'ays to determine 'hether or not a 'ord is a nominali;ation. One 'ay is to say the phrase< "An ongoing " in your head% filling in the blan# 'ith the suspected noun. *f the phrase ma#es sense% then it is a nominali;ation. Bsing the first underlined 'ord in the above e!cerrt% the phrase "An ongoing relationshi*< ma#es sense. "he 'ord "relationship" is a nominali;ation. *f 'e use the 'ord "des#%" as in the phrase "An ongoing #es(, "the phrase doesn(t ma#e sense. "he noun "des#" is not a nominali;a tion. "he second 'ay to determine if a noun is a nominali;ation involves visuali;ing a 'heelbarro'. *t is easy to imagine placing a noun li#e "des#%" "person%" or "apple" into this imaginary 'heelbarro'. "hese are all concrete nouns Nominali;ations% ho'ever% don(t "fit" in our imaginary 'heelbarro'. "his is because they are distorted forms of verbs called abstract nouns. 5rom the e!ample above% they are the 'ords "relationship%" "obligations%" "pain%" and "responsibility." &hen responding to a nominali;ation% it is important to assist the spea#er in reconnecting 'ith his e!perience so that he recogni;es the role he plays in the process involved. ,y changing the noun bac# into a verb 'ith its actively participating elements% you assist the spea#er in understanding his roll as an active participant. "his enables him to more easily perceive his full range of choices and the control he can e!ercise. *n dealing 'ith the "nominali;ed" client from above% the follo'ing responses could effectively be utili;ed< 1*ea(er: "*t(s >ust that this darned relationship isn(t 'or#ing out." Response< "flo' is the 'ay you are relating not 'or#ing out for youT" 8$ere% the nominali;ation is changed bac# into a process 'ord% or verb% and is used to as# for the missing information see "unspecified verbs."9 1*ea(er: "...- can(t do anything 'ithout it being there to remind me of my obligations...." Response< "(f(o 'hom are you obligated to 8to 'hatT" +pea#er< "...you #no' 'hat a pain they can be." Response< "$o' do you e!perience that painT" 8$ere% in order to ans'er the ?uestion% the spea#er must change the nominali;ation bac# into the process verb. Again% if his ans'er does not give you sufficient information% simply as# for the #elete# material as demonstrated in the section an unspecified verbs.9 +pea#er< "*(m >ust tired of having responsibility shoved in my face." Response< "&hat do you mean (responsibilityT( " Denom n*/ @ n1 ,)e 'e. c*/ 'o.e/

"n an article entitled "Language% 3motion and Disease%" Dr. &allace 3llerbroe#" ma#es some astute% if unorthodo!% observations. +taff psychiatrist at the )etropolitan +tate $ospital in Nor'al#% California% Dr. 3llerbroe#(s article addresses the effects of language on our rperceptions and behaviors. $e contends that% "...each 'ord you use as a label for something ma#es you see it in an entirely different 'ay." $e cites the case of "essential" hypertension% a medical condition for 'hich the cause is un#no'n. $is description includes the process of denominali;ing the medical term% a rare action in the field of medicine in 'hich nominali;ations abound. Contrary to the generally EF Nom n*/ @*, on! Linguistially% nominali;ation is the changing of a D+ "process" into a ++ "event." *n other 'ords% it is the changing of a verb 'hich is active in time into a noun 'hich is static or unchanging in time. +ince a verb is a process 'ord% it implies active participation by one or more elements. A noun% on the other hand is static and unchanging. *t implies no active participation by other elements. Abstract nouns called nominali;ations are e!cellent e!amples of the process of distortion. &e are taught ?uite early in our educational e!perience to form abstract 'ords. &ords li#e "friendship%" "sensation%" "strategy%" etc.% assist us in formulating and learning creative and sophisticated concepts. ,ut 'e are generally not taught to #enomioale?e these 'ords. Although the use of these 'ords is important in our comple! and technical society% they can also limit a person(s sense of control over his life. *t is a subtle distinction to ma#e% but the follo'ing illustration demonstrates the po'er these 'ords can have. *n this case% the nominali;ation is the 'ord "decision." "he 'oman in the above illustration is tal#ing about a "decision" in a special 'ay. +he is indicating that she no longer e!periences herself in a position to change. +he has given up her responsibility to get things done or to even he interested and blames it on something that she is po'erless to ct%nge. "his is much li#e the e!ample of +haron in E -Chapter * 'ho tal#ed about ho' her bad "relationships" #ept her from getting close to anyone. As 'ith the above illustration% 'hen a person tal#s about "relationships" in that 'ay% it can indicate a failure to recogni;e his active participation or responsibility in the continuing process of "relating" 'ith another person. "he illustration belo' demonstrates ho' difficult it can be to deal 'ith this linguistic pattern. &ithout #no'ledge of the )eta )odel response% the 'oman in the illustration finds herself in >ust as helpless a position as the man 'ho has nominali;ed his e!perience. Nominali;ed *ndividual &hen a person systematically uses nominali;ation% li#e "love%" "fear%" or "respect%" it may be a good indication that he perceives himself as having fe' choices and little or no control in his life. "he follo'ing e!cerpt is from et highly "nominali;ed" client. )uch li#e the young man in the illustration above% he is frustrated by the lac# of choices he is a'are of and by a strong sense that he has lost control over the events of his life. *t(s >ust that this darned relationshi* isn(t 'or#ing out. * mean% every time * turn around% it %laps me in the fetce. *t(s li#e * can(t do anything 'ithout it being there to remind me of .G nhligaho % and you #no' 'hatapain they E/ F. Reuersed referential inde! occurs 'hen the spea#er is stated as receiving the action

of the verb in a sentence rather than doing the action of the verb. 4ou may recogni;e this pattern as being typical of someone 'ho is depressed. +tatements li#e "Nobody cares about me%" and "* sometimes thin# everyone is out to get me%" are e!amples of this pattern. *n both sentences% the spea#er has removed himself from a position of being "in charge" of the action and has given the po'er of acting to someone else. "he "me%" or spea#er% then becomes a helpless victim of 'hom or 'hatever is in charge. "his is a common pattern used by individuals operating from the #inesthetic system. "he illustration belo' sho's another aspect of this violation. Not only does the man apparently perceive himself as po'erless% but he also fails to recogni;e that he is doing the very thing he is complaining about. Re7er!e. Re5eren, */ "n.e9 "he famous 2estalt therapist 5rit; Perls called this linguistic pattern "pro>ection." As )artin +hepard says in her boo# 5rit;% on Page /0....... 'hatever 'e believe about or see in another person or the 'orld at large is invariably a pro>ection. "hus a statement such as (Nancy is a gossip( 'as to be rephrased as (* am a gossip.( " +he goes on to say that% as people begin to ta#e responsibility for themselves this 'ay% ". . they have the possibility of having an (Aha" e!perience% in 'hich there is the recognition ("his is me:( "his is referred to as oeuning pro>ections." ED ,y re?uiring his clients to reverse positions and become the "active" agent in the sentence% 5rit; Perls 'ould put the clients bac# in charge of the processes of their o'n e!istence. "his transformed perception of themselves often produced some surprising insights into the model building behaviors of his clients. Other e!amples of this reversal techni?ue are< +pea#er< "tie(s no good for me." Response< ""ry saying% (*(m no good for him%( and tell me 'hat you e!perience." +pea#er< "3verybody hates me." Response< ""ry saying this. (* hate everybody." +pea#er< "Nobody loves me." Response< "Can you say O* love nobodyT"( Another form of this violation is often demonstrated by people operating out of the visual communication category. Remember that "visuals" organi;e e!periences in such a 'ay as to prevent "contact" 'ith those around them. One 'ay of maintaining this distance is 'ith the linguistic pattern of reversed referential inde!. "he )eta )odel response to these violations 'ill be the same as those above% and you 'ill li#ely get the same results% the introspective "Aha:" 3!amples of this form are< +pea#er< "$e never seems to understand me." Response< "* 'onder if you 'ould mind saying% (* never seem to understand him.( " +pea#er< "+he(s the one 'ho al'ays seems to get us into these messes.( " Response< "&ould you mind saying% (*(m the one 'ho al'ays get us into these messes(T( " ao

thus% more choices about ho' to feel and behave. "his )eta )odel violation is also associated 'ith individuals operating from the auditory and digital representational systems. As 'ith the previous distinction% unspecified referential inde! is one 'ay to e!press thoughts and ideas in a 'ay 'hich ma#es them hard to challenge. ,y not specifying 'hat they are tal#ing about% "tonals" and "digitals" create a situation in 'hich they are less li#ely to be contradicted. *t is important to remember that by using the appropriate responses to any of the )eta )odel violations% the astute )eta )odeler gains valuable information that can increase his ability to establish rapport. $e can also use the patterns to affect% often at a deep unconscious level% the spea#er(s model of the 'orld. "hese po'erful% positive linguistic interventions operate by e!panding both the spea#er(s perception and his options for responding to the 'orld around him. H %enerali?e# referential in#e2 is one 'ay the spea#er can "plug the hole" left by deleting a referent. A generali;ed referential inde! is a noun or pronoun 'hich refers to a nonspecific group or category. "his violation is common in the 3nglish language and is built into popular idioms li#e ")en don(t cry" and "&omen are bad drivers." *n these t'o e!amples% ")en" and "&omen" are the generali;ed referents. As in the previous distinction% this violation often typifies people 'ho are operating out of the tonal and digital categories. Rather than identify someone specifically 'ho is responsible for an unpleasant situation or e!perience and ris# the possibility of direct confrontation% the spea#er simply generali;es the referent into a nonspecific category< "People who do those things are not very considerate%" or <Ine who becomes upset at a time li#e this may be considered rather immature." "hey can even tal# about themselves in this indirect manner< "*f one 'ere to consider such a ?uestion...." or ""here are those who 'ouldn(t agree 'ith you." "his violation can be especially important to catch 'hen the spea#er has generali;ed from one specific person or of e!perience and no' includes a 'hole category from 'hich the original e!perience is only an e!ample. *n Chapter *% for e!ample% +haron demonstrated as part of her model of the 'orld the generali;ation< "All men are out to ta#e advantage of 'omen." ,y as#ing +haron to specify 'ho she meant by "All men" and "'omen%" the origins of these generali;ations could be determined. ,ut more importantly% the process of identifying nonproductive and limiting portions of her model enabled +haron to again perceive her o'n po'er in creating e!perience for herself. *n this distinction% pay attention to pronouns li#e "they%" "everyone%" "men%" "'omen%" no one%" "people%" etc. and to ad>ectives li#e "all (and "every " as 'ell as plural nouns as in "+ports cars are dangerous." "he illustration belo' gives one possible outcome of such a statement% innocently spo#en but poorly timed. Other e!amples are< +pea#er< "*%oving relationships are a drain." Response< "&hich loving relationship8.9 do you find drainingT" +pea#er< "No' everybody #no's." Response< "&ho specifically #no'sT" +pea#er< "people are so uncaring." Response< "&ho% specifically% is so uncaringT"

1E re5eren, */ n.e9 w ,) *n *++ro+r *,e 'e,* 'o.e/ re!+on!e *re(+e*;er"* nee. )e/+.A Re!+on!e- AW)*, .o yo0 nee. )e/+ w ,).A (+e*;erA"2m be n1 +0!)e. n,o ,) ! me!!.A Re!+on!e- AW)o ! +0!) n1 yo0BA (+e*;erA:e2! no, re!+ec,e..A Re!+on!e- AW)o .oe!n2, re!+ec, ) mBA "n ! ,0*, on! w)ere * +er!on ! 0ncom5or,*b/e w ,) ,)e +o!! b/ / ,y o5 be n1 con5ron,e. b0, !, // w*n,! ,o e9+re!! . !+/e*!0re, ,) ! 7 o/*, on ! o5,en 0!e.. ", *//ow! ,)e +er!on ,o !*y !ome,) n1 w) c) m*y be con,ro7er! */ or c*0!e con5/ c,, / ;e, A"2m be n1 +0!)e. n,o ,) ! me!!,A C.e/e, n1 Aby my bo!!AD. #)0!, ,)e n. 7 .0*/ w)o m 1), re!+on. n *n 0n+/e*!*n, 'ay C) ! bo!!D )*! been .e/e,e.. #) ! A!*5eA / n10 !, c +*,,ern ! ,y+ c*//y 0!e. by n. 7 .0*/! o+er*, n1 5rom ,)e *0. ,ory *n. . 1 ,*/ re+re!en,*, on !y!,em!. J ;ns*ecifie# referential in#e2 occ0r! w)en ,)e no0n or no0n +)r*!e .oe! no, n*me * !+ec 5 c +er!on or ,) n1. Wor.! / ;e A,) !,A A,)*,,A A ,,A or e7en A,) n14*4m*4 bobA *re *// e9*m+/e! o5 0n!+ec 5 e. re5eren, */ n.e9. W)ene7er * +er!on /e*7e! o0, or .oe! no, !+ec 5y m+or,*n, e/emen,! o5 * !en,ence, )e r0n! ,)e r !; o5 be n1 m !0n.er!,oo.. #)e 5o//ow n1 //0!,r*, on .emon!,r*,e! ,)e Ts ; n. o5 +rob/em! w) c) c*n *r !e. "n ,) ! e9*m+/e, ,)e wom*n e9+re!!e! *n emo, on*/ re!+on!e ,o !ome,) n1 ,)*, .oe! no, nece!*r /y re/*,e ,o ,)e m*n. ()e m*y, 5or e9*m+/e, be Am*.A *bo0, * r0n n )er !,oc; n1!. : ! re!+on!e ,o )er or 1 n*/ !,*,emen,, )owe7er, n. c*,e! ,)*, )e )*! c)o!en ,o ,*;e , +er!on*//y, !e,, n1 ,)e !,*1e 5or w)*, 5o//ow!. :*. ,)e wom*n been more !+ec 5 c ,o be1 n w ,), ,)e w)o/e !cene wo0/. )*7e c)*n1e. .r*m*, c*//y. O,)er e9*m+/e! o5 ,) ! 'e,* 'o.e/ 7 o/*, on *re(+e*;erA#)*, E0!, won2, wor;.A Re!+on!e- AW)*, !+ec 5 c*//y won2, wor;BA (+e*;erA#) ! ! m+or,*n,.A Re!+on!e- AW)*, ! m+or,*n,BA (+e*;erA" .on2, w*n, ,o ,*/; *bo0, ,.A Re!+on!e- AW)*, .on2, yo0 w*n, ,o ,*/; *bo0,BA A! w ,) ,)e +re7 o0! 'e,* 'o.e/ . !, nc, on, Yo0r 1o*/ n *!; n1 5or ,)e m !! n1 n5orm*, on ! ,wo5o/.- F r!,, yo0 *re *!; n1 5or n5orm*, on w) c) w // )e/+ yo0 ,o be,,er 0n.er!,*n. ,)e !+e*;er. #) ! c*n * . n more e55ec, 7e comm0n c*, on. (econ., *!; n1 5or ,)e n5orm*, on w) c) ! m !! n1 5rom ,)e !+e*;er2! (( ! one w*y o5 .e,erm n n1 w)e,)er or no, ,)*, n5orm*, on ! e7en n ,)e !+e*;er2! *w*rene!!. For e9*m+/e, 5 ,)e !+e*;er re!+on.e. ,o ,)e 5 r!, =0e!, on *bo7e w ,), A" .on2, ;now, !+ec 5 c*//y. ",2! E0!, * 7*10e !en!e ,)*, ,) n1! *ren2, c/ c; n1,A yo0 mme. *,e/y ;now !e7er*/ m+or,*n, ,) n1!. Yo0 ;now, 5or e9*m+/e, ,)*, ,)e n. 7 .0*/ ! o+er*, n1 5rom ,)e *0. ,ory re+re!en,*, on*/ !y!,em C!ee APre. c*,e Pre5erenceA n C)*+,er ""D. Yo0 */!o ;now ,)*, ,)e or 1 n*/ !, m0/0! 5or ,)e A7*10e !en!eA ! o0,! .e o5 ) ! con!c o0! *w*rene!!, *n., ,)ere5ore, beyon. ) ! con,ro/.

D !co7er n1 ,) ! *bo0, * !+e*;er c*n be m+or,*n, n .e,erm n n1 E0!, w)*, ) ! mo.e/ o5 ,)e wor/. con! !,! of. Reconnec, n1 * !+e*;er w ,) m !! n1 D( '*,er */ by *!; n1 ,)e 'e,* 'o.e/ Re!+on!e =0e!, on! c*n o5,en +ro7 .e ) m w ,) * 1re*,er !en!e o5 *w*rene!! *n., 1C respond 'ith the appropriate )eta )odel response smoothly and naturally usually ta#es about one 'ee#. "hen you can easily go on to the ne!t distinction% #no'ing that the first has become a comfortable% functional habit. Doing this 'ith each distinction 'ill enable you to rapidly and easily incorporate the )eta )odel as an e!ceptionally po'erful communication tool. #)e 'e,* 'o.e/ O0,/ ne &*,)er n1 "n5orm*, on Re5eren, */ "n.e9 *n a sentence% the person or thing doing or receiving the action of the verb is called the "referential inde!." *n the )eta )odel% these nouns are important because they are ++ representations 'hich demonstrate that the spea#er has generali;ed% deleted% or distorted information from his P+. &hen you hear a sentence in 'hich the referent is missing% it is a cue that you need more information. Often% as#ing for the referent 'ill also assist you in identifying 'ith the spea#er specific e!periences that may actually be missing from his a'areness. "his reconnecting 'ith the D+ e!pertence not only provides you 'ith the missing information% it can also give the spea#er an opportunity to e!perience a greater sense of a'areness and% therefore% more choices about ho' to feel and behave. Other e!amples of deleted #) ! outline is provided as a guide to this section. Notice that there are eight linguistic distinctions in the combined% three ma>or categories. "he te!t 'ill also define several subdistinctions. *. 2athering *nformation A. Referential *nde! ,. Nominali;ations C. Bnspecified Aerbs **. 3!panding Limits A. )odal operators ,. Bniversal ?uantifiers ***. Changing )eanings A. )ind reading ,. Cause and effect C. Lost performative 11 "here are five referential inde! )eta )odel violations. "he four 'hich follo' include deleted% unspecified% generali;ed% and reversed referential inde!. "he fifth distinction% nominali;ations% forms its o'n special category. ! "elete# referential in#e2 is 'here the spea#er of the sentence simply leaves out the referent. 5or e!ample% in the sentence% ""he 'indo' 'as bro#en%" the agent or actor of the verb "'as bro#en" has been deleted. Of course% there are certain situations 'here it is obvious that more information is needed. *f it 'ere my 'indo' in the e!ample above% * 'ould immediately as#% "&ho bro#e itT:" $o'ever% there are many other times 'hen lac# of information in a sentence can lead to misunderstanding. "he follo'ing illustration gives one e!ample of possible conse?uences of deleting the referent. ,y the time the young 'oman provides the missing information% it is already too late. 1F generate information that is missing from or distorted in the spea#er(s ++ is a cue that your intuitive processes as a native spea#er are being utili;ed. "his is a valuable process

because it allo's the spea#erQ'riter to share a great deal of information rapidly 'ithout needing to fill in all the missing pieces. $o'ever% the same process may drastically limit the spea#er(s ability to e!press 'hat he really means. A person(s language can also indicate areas 'here he has limits on his ability to perceive the full richness of certain e!periences. "he result of such limitations and distortions may be that the spea#er has fe' choices about ho' to feel or behave in certain situations. 'e,* 'o.e/ Re!+on!e! &hat the )eta )odel does is ma#e e!plicit those semantic and syntactic conte!ts% those e!pressions in 'hich )eta .o#el violations occur. Once they can be systematically recogni;ed% there are specific )eta .o#el responses 'hich you can use to recover deleted material and to assist the spea#er in reconnecting 'ith his deep structure. Reconnect ing 'ith the fullest linguistic representation of a person(s e!perience can aid him in understanding ho' certain generali;ations% deletions and distortions cause pain and limit choice and perception. "his paves the 'ay for healthy gro'th and positive change. "he )eta )odel is a set of eight linguistic distinctions 'hich can be grouped into three categories. "he first category% %athering 8nformation, begins the process of uncovering and e!ploring specific portions of the spea#er(s e!perience 'hich are missing from his surface structure or 'hich are presented in a distorted form. "he second category% -2*an#ing Limits% provides you 'ith tools to assist the spea#er in defining and then e!panding the boundaries or limitations of his model of the 'orld. "his self e!ploration assists the spea#er in gaining more choices in both behavior and perception. "he final category% 'hanging .eanings, continues the process of gro'th and e!pansion by e!ploring 'ith the spea#er ho' he understands himself and his relationship 'ith the people around him and 'ith the 'orld in general. 'e,* 'o.e/ D *1r*m #"he deep structure is the most complete linguistic representation that a person could give to e!perience. "his is symboli;ed by the larger form belo'. "he deep structure includes the boundary line and all the space contained 'ithin it. "he surface structure is the portion of the deep structure e!pressed by an individual 'hen he spea#s or 'rites. *t is represented by the shaded portion of the larger form. Notice in the illustration belo' ho' the "shape" of the ++ conforms to the "shape" of the D+. +ince the transformational processes of creating the ++ from the B+ are essentially the same as the processes 'e use to create our models of reality% the ++ is an invaluable indicator of ho' the spea#er perceives the 'orld around him. *t is through the ++ that 'e gain clues about the rest of the spea#er(s model. &ith the aid of the first category of )eta )odel responses to violations% 'e gain more information about the unshaded portion of the model belo'% the D+. soagnct< s"BBO"CR3 * highly recommend that anyone learning the )eta )odel read over this section carefully in order to get the general feel and logic of the model. "hen go bac# to the beginningS and start 'ith the first distinction. Attuning yourself to each distinction% hearing it 'hen it comes up% and being able to 1/ Linguistic Deconditioning "a#ing their understanding one step further% Dr. Pala;;oli and her colleagues began to

e!plore the function of the client(s behavior not only 'ithin the family system but also 'ith the therapists themselves. "hrough a process they call linguistic #econ#itioning, they began to change their perception of the client(s behavior from one of being, as in "fie is 8being9 sad%" to one of seerning or sho'ing% as in "$c is sho'ing sadness%" or "$e seems sad." 5rom this vantage point% it is much easier to observe the effects of the behavior rather than to d'ell on the causes of the behavior. *t can be much more useful to define the meaning of a behavior or communication by its ultimate effects on those around the communicator. "his is especially important 'ith some forms of analog communication. #)e 'e,* 'o.e/- O7er7 ew *n -71. Richard ,undler and =ohn 2rinder published a boo# 'hich outlined their no' popular )eta )odel.( "his is a linguistic 8digital9 tool 'hich has proven e!tremely useful in therapeutic as 'ell as other settings. *t is based on the observation that human behavior% especially linguistic. * behavior% is rule governed. "he same processes of generali;ation% deletion% and distortion used in creating our models of reality are also used in the creation of our linguistic representation. of e!perience. As it is presented here% the )eta )odel includes several distinctions not in the original% and the format has been altered. "he basic assumptions still apply% ho'ever. +ince it is a linguistic tool% the )eta )odel relies on the natural intuitions of any native spea#er of the 3nglish language.( *n any communication% the spo#en or 'ritten language% called the surface structure 8++9% provides the listener 'ith a rich variety of information about the spea#er. *t indicates ho' that person ma#es sense of the 'orld% ho' he distorts his perceptions% and 'hen and 'here those distortions occur Predicates% for e!ample% may indicate his preferred represen 1a tational system. "he surface structure can also indicate 'hen and 'hat #inds of e!periences the spea#er systematically leaves out of his representation of the 'orld. ,y assisting the spea#er in "reconnecting" 'ith the unspo#en portion of his digital representation of e!perience% called the deep structure 8D+9% you begin a process of e!ploration. "his process can fill in gaps of understanding that may occur bet'een you and assist the spea#er in recogni;ing and confronting limitations to gro'th and e!perience he may not even have #no'n e!isted. #r*n!5orm*, on*/ &r*mm*r A contemporary school of linguistics(% proposes a relationship bet'een 'hat is spo#en or 'ritten by an individual and some deeper internal linguistic representation. "he production of a sentence% the actual sound or 'ritten se?uence of symbols and phrases% is called the surface structure 8++9. "he deep structure 8D+9 is also a system of symbols and phrases% but it is much more comple! and abstract. "he D+ is the complete linguistic representation of a person(s e!perience 'hich might be considered the intent or the thought behind the ++ sentence. "he theory is that the D+ is transformed into ++ by a series of rules. "ransformational grammarians say that the D+ and the ++ are related by certain formal operations 'hich conform to the concepts of generali;ations% deletion

and distortion covered in Chapter *. )eta )odel Aiolations Any time you are reading or listening to a person spea# and yuo find yourself having to "go inside" to understand 'hat is *! ing said% it is a pretty good indication that you have e!perienced 'hat is called a ")et. )odel violation." "he fact that you are confused and need to internally for% functions by transforming both the instructions and the data into numbers 8symbols9. "hese arbitrarily assigned symbols ma#e possible the compilation or manipulation of information. Digital computers are often e?uated 'ith logical functions and can demonstrate such relationships as "if then" and the simple negation "not." "he analog computer operates on a program through 'hich it runs information 8input9 in order to obtain results. "his process orientation enables it to 'or# 'ith and measure ?uantities on an continuum such as intensity% 'eight% or turns of a 'heel. 5rom a bathroom scale or slide rule to the sophisticated guidance system of a roc#et% the #ey to the analog computer is its manipulations of the analogs of data. (these analogs are the similarities bet'een data and its representations 8li#e the number of turns of the numbered 'heel on the bathroom scale9% and these similarities are directly related to the data. *n the "human computer%" both systems function con>ointly. "he differences% ho'ever% are important. "he #ey to digital e!pression 8language9 is the arbitrary assignment of 'ord symbols to things or processes. "here is no necessary connection bet'een the name and the thing named. On the contrary% analog% by definition% means that something is similar to something else. "herefore% 'e can e!pect that analogic "language" or communication 'ill more closely relate to 'hat it is about. 5or e!ample% if 'e hear the 'ord "eat" in an unfamiliar language% 'e are not li#ely to understand it. *t is merely an arbitrarily assigned 8digital9 symbol for a common beha vior. *f% ho'ever% the person pantomimes the behavior 8eating9% that is% uses analogic communication% the meaning is much more li#ely to be understood. ,ut 'here analogic communication is more universal 8and more "primitive"(9% it is also limited in some very important 'ays. +ince analogic communication can only portray a thing or an action% it cannot portray a thought or idea and is therefore unable to portray negation. Only the more abstract and versatile digital representation system can e!press negation. "he digital system can also convey time and number manipulations 'hich analog systems cannot. Another limitation is that of ambiguity. A smile 8analog9 can come from an e!perience of pleasure or an e!perience of pain 8"2rin and bear it"9. A shrug of the shoulders can mean "* give up%" "* don(t care%" %(%* don(t #no'."%lust as 'ith the analogic computer% there is al'ays some error in translation% and in human analog systems there are no ?ualifiers to indicate 'hich message is implied./ ,y understanding the value of the mechanisms involved in the process of affi!ing labels to our e!periences% 'e can become more alert to some of the effects these Labels have.. our perception. *t is not unusual to >udge behavior by its appearance% attaching a name or label to it and more or less "reifying"it. "his tends to halt or at least limit future observations of the behavior(s effects. Dr. Pala;;oli tal#s about this problem in the boo#

Parado! an# Coanlerparado!. &hat she and her team of researchers discovered 'or#ing 'ith schi;ophrenic families 'as that appearance is not necessarily a valid indication of the meaning of a behavior. "hey 'rite< for e!ample% if a patient appeared to be sad% 'e concluded he tuns sad% and 'e 'ent so far as to try to understand tuhy he 'as sad% inviting and encouraging him to spea# to *s about his sadness. 1C7 &ith these changes came the birth ofciviliaation% la' and order% the development of philosophical and oral systems and the gro'th of mathematics and the sciences. As #no'ledge and communication in ased% people hogs% to live out highly speciali;ed social roles% carrying the sense of separation and alienation from nature to its e!treme. 8p. -/ -D9 C$AP"3R *** "$3 )3"A )OD3L *f he is indeed 'ise Pthe teacherP does not bid you enter the house of his 'isdom% but rather leads you to the threshold of your o'n mind. Uahlill 2ibran "he Prophet "he Digital Representational +ystem (ymbo/ c Re+re!en,*, on "he digital system% language% is the symbolic representation of e!perience. *t is the only system 'hich can represent all the other representational systems as 'ell as being able to represent itself. Not directly related to any of our sensory organs% it is so uni?ue that it 'arrants special attention. "he historical importance of this system is discussed by +amuels and +amuels in their boo# +eeing 'ith the )ind(s 3ye. As they put it< &ith the development of language and a 'ritten system for recording it% rational thought came to dominate. &ords came to function as labels% allo'ing man to detach himself from his e!perience and analy;e it.... +uch a po'erful tool% the digital system: As 'ith the other systems% it is not only an indicator of ho' a person creates his model of the 'orld% but it also serves to enhance as 'ell as limit perception. "he discussion of social constraints 8Chapter -9 described ho' our ability to name something affects ho' 'e perceive it. *n one e!ample% the 3s#imos( ability to name over seventy different #inds of sno' 'as sho'n to be very important to their survival in the harsh northern climates. Only 'ith their specific linguistic 8digital9 bac#ground is it possible to perceive the variations in the ?uality of sno' indicated by their vocabulary. ,uilt into the encoding element of our linguistic processes is 'hat 'e might call a perceptual enhancer. Once a linguistic symbol has been assigned to a specific e!perience% it becomes a discrete% manipulatable element that is differentiated from the surrounding environment or e!perience. "he po'erful effect of language is discussed by the general semanticist =. +amuel ,ois in his boo# "he Art of A'areness. $e says on page -7< &e see the 'orld through the meshes of that human made filter@ 'e pro>ect on the

'orld of phenomena the relations that 'e have learned to observe among the parts of speech@ 'e interpret 'hat is happening in terms of the logic of cause effect that is embedded in our grammar. Analog Digital< "he Computer )etaphor "here are t'o #inds of computers in common usage today. A digital computer% li#e a %alcnl.u CR CC limits 'ere built in to his model. &ith this information% you are not only able to pace his e!perience 8gainQmaintain rapport9% you are also able to lead him in changing his perceptions and behaviors that are limiting and painful. "his can be done verbally as 'ell as nonverbally by utili;ing all the analog systems of body posture% breathing% voice tonality% etc. "he e!ample 'hich follo's 'ill demonstrate some of these techni?ues. A highly visual person has come in for an initial intervie'. 4ou #no' this from a combination of body posturing% build% lip si;e% clothing% predicate usage and other cues. 4ou already #no' that one of his rules for communicating is that it is necessary to loo# in order to understand 'hat another person is saying. *f you 'ere to turn a'ay or listen by diverting your head as many people do% he might accuse you of not paying attention. "his poor pace could be compounded further if you placed yourself too close and "invaded his space." Remember that visually oriented people are generally more comfortable 'hen they can see you from a distance in order to get "the 'hole perspective." ,y accepting this person(s rules% by matching his predicates% in essence% by operating out of his model of the 'orld% you begin to pave the road for a successful relationship. 4ou can mirror various aspects of this person(s communication category by matching your body posture% tonality% predicates% and by obeying the rules associated 'ith that system. "his 'ill sometimes enable you to detect areas of pain and limits to this person(s perception that 'ould other'ise have remained hidden from you. At the same time you demon strate "acceptance" by mirroring% you provide the person 'ith the opportunity to see% hear% and feel himself in 'ays 'hich are usually outside of his conscious a'areness. As long as the rapport is maintained% you can utili;e this subtle form of fee#bac( 5or e!ample% you can lead the person to a more comfortable or functional place by simply modeling those changes in yourself. ,y changing his "reflection" in this 'ay% the person has the opportunity to actually e!perience ne' choices at a deep% unconscious level% to "try them on" so to spea#. As long as you are open to subtly changes in the person you are 'or#ing 'ith% you can C1 immediately tell 'hether or not the changes are appropriate for him. "hese are >ust a fe' of the 'ays in 'hich this information can be utili;ed. As you learn and e!perience the subtle patterns of communication covered in this boo#% you may find yourself generating more and more innovative applications in many different situations. A complete chart of all the behavioral characteristics associated 'ith each of the communication categories is given in Appendi! C. sa &here(s the "A 2uideT" +atir points out that there is often a difference bet'een 'hat the person(s body appears

to communicate and 'hat is actually "going on inside." &here the "computer" stance seems to e!press "calm% cool% and collected%" says (en,, this person may actually be feeling very vulnerable. "he "Placater" says "*(m helpless" 'ith his posture 'hile inside he is feeling completely 'orthless. "he "blamer" 'ho is communicating "* am the boss around here" 'ith his stance is feeling lonely and unsuccessful% 'hile the constantly irrelevant "distracter" 'ith his unbalanced stance may be feeling that nobody cares. 3ach of the +atir stances can also be e!hibited in less obvious 'ays. $and gestures often indicate one of the postures. "he pointing of a finger or an upturned hand may indicate the blaming and placating postures respectively. 3specially 'hen combined 'ith #ey phrases li#e "4ou al'ays. . " and "*(m sorry. . %" these gestures can be important indications about ho' a person is relating to the 'orld and to others around him. Detection of such patterns can assist you in gaining rapport 'ith the people you live and 'or# 'ith 'hile aiding you in understanding ho' people get "stuc#" in communicative patterns that consistently fail to give them 'hat they 'ant and need. Ano,)er W*rn n1 (0mm*ry *n this chapter% stress 'as mentioned in relation to a person(s preferred representational system. &hat ma#es it so important is the effect it has on an individual(s perceptions and behavior. As demonstrated 'ith the story about the panic stric#en man% individuals under stress tend to turn to the representational system in 'hich they ma#e the most distinctions. "his coping behavior% li#ely learned early in life% proved itself useful in enough situations to 'arrant its being maintained. "he insidious thing about this #ind of strategy for coping is that it is during stressful situations that people should have the greatest number of distinctions% as much information about their environment as possible. *ronically% it is during these very times of need that people choose 8unconsciously9 to adopt the limiting patterns of their preferred systems% often to the e!clusion of the other systems. &hen people 'al# into a therapist(s office for counseling% it is usually because they have only very limited resources at their disposal. People often see# counseling because they are suffering the stresses associated 'ith emotional pain or 'ith the problems of dealing 'ith a comple! society. Recogni;ing People(s limitations can be the first step in assisting them in discovering alternatives% ne' choices of perception and behavior. "his is true in many different settings% from the classroom to the business office. 4our ability to identify and use the same representational system being used by those you 'or# and live 'ith 'ill assist you in developing and maintaining a high level of effective communication. Determining the communication categories that these people use in various situations can help you gain their trust 'hile enabling you to obtain the information necessary in order to assist them in ma#ing changes they 'ant and need. "his is truly the "magic" of po'erful and effective communication. &hen a person communicates 'ith you% he presents you 'ith information about ho' he has created his model of the 'orld. "his includes data about ho' and 'here some of the Cs "he previous generali;ations are not to be considered universally applicable. "hey are presented as useful tools for describing patterns in people(s behavior. &hen a behavior is identified as fitting in 'ith several other patterns% it can be used to help you understand that person(s model of the 'orld and can assist you in gaining the trust and rapport necessary for effective communication. "hese generali;ations are only models and as

such contain all the limitations inherent in any model. Bse them 'hen and 'here they apply% and discard them 'henever they don(t fit. attention from the representational system in 'hich they ma#e the most distinctions. "he other systems simply fail to provide information in 'ays that are as easily utili;ed by them as the information 'hich matches their preferred system. "here is another difficulty 'hich arises 'hen someone 'ith the loo# to listen rule also believes that if someone loo#s a'ay 'hile spea#ing% it means that he is lying.(]D *n the situation illustrated above% if the child is not operating out of the visual system% he may find it difficult to tal# 'hile loo#ing directly at the adult. Again% due to the visual distraction% the child might have trouble "thin#ing" in his habitual system 'ithout loo#ing a'ay." "his could create dire conse?uences if the adult thin#s the child is lying because he #eeps loo#ing a'ay. *n Chapter * a some'hat different eye contact rule 'as discussed regarding social constraints 8see page DF9. *n that e!ample% it 'as demonstrated ho' a lac# of #no'ledge or understanding of the social rule governing direct eye contact could lead to conflict bet'een individuals from different social bac#grounds. *t is important to recogni;e that differences also e!ist bet'een individuals in a homogeneous social group. "his is because people tend to orient themselves to aspects of e!perience that correlate to their preferred representational systems. &hen you can identify these differences bet'een people% you can more easily "tune in to%" "see clearly%" and "connect" 'ith other people(s models of the 'orld. "his is one of those "magical" ?ualities of very effective communicators. ,y identifying and then using these differences% you 'ill run less of a ris# of ma#ing the mista#e of >udging another(s behavior solely by the stand ards of your o'n model. 4ou can more easily "bridge the gap" bet'een yourself and your clients% students% co 'or#ers% and anyone else 'ith 'hom it is important for you to communicate. C/ (*, r C*,e1or e! "he follo'ing behavioral patterns come from an unusually gifted people helper% Airginia +atin *n her boo#% Peoplema# CD ing% +atir identities four "postural stances" that people often ta#e during the communication process.( i *n their e!aggerated form% says +atir% ". . . so e!aggerated that nobody could miss it%" 8p. CD9 these stances form the +atir Categories% so called after the 'or#s of ,andler and 2rinder.%( "hese postures are associated 'ith the communication categories as follo's. Bnder stress% visual representers tend to ta#e on the postural characteristics of +atir(s "blamer." "hat is% they ta#e on an aggressive stance% pointing their fingers at the person they are tal#ing to and using e!pressions li#e< "4ou al'ays do that. &hy can(t you do anything rightT" 8A more complete presentation of 'ord patterns used by each of the communication categories is given in the ne!t chapter.9 People 'ho are operating as "#inos" assume the "placeter" stance% especially under stress. +atir pictures a person do'n on one #nee% hands turned palms up as if "begging for forgiveness." Phrases associated 'ith this posture are< "* feel so bad about ma#ing you mad at me. * >ust can(t do anything right. Please forgive me."

"lligitals" ta#e the "computer" posture. Crossing their arms and avoiding eye contact by loo#ing over everyone(s head% it is easy to become lost in their superlogical nonsensory based language. Again% particularly in stressful situations% these individuals use e!pressions li#e< "(Phe correct. procedure in such cases% especially if one concurs 'ith the current arguments% might be suggested as being statistically more appropriate to the former rather than the latter rcmtar#s." Although the "tonal" person sometimes ta#es on the "computer" characteristics% he is more li#ely to assume the role of +atir(s "distracter." *f he overhears t'o people tal#ing 'ho are >ust on the verge of getting angry 8remember% he is e!tremely sensitive to their tonal cues% so his "timing" is e!?uisite(.9 he may suddenly interrupt them by as#ing for the time of clay% by turning on the "A or radio too loud% or by some other distracting action. Bnder stress% as in the above situation% the "tonal" is li#ely to say such things as% "*t(s good that people li#e you can #eep such a harmonious relationship. *t must be nice to #no' you(re being thought of. C0 R0/e! 5or L !,en n1 "here appear to be certain rules for listening associated 'ith each of the communication categories. "hough these rules vary from one culture to another%-s for each category they remain consistent 'ithin the culture. "he rules deal 'ith direct eye contact and are described belo'. Once learned% these rules can provide you 'ith more understand ing of and control over the communication process. A person operating out of the visual system must be able to see the spea#er in order to easily understand 'hat is being said. "his need is then generali;ed or "pro>ected" onto others 'ith 'hom the "visual" is communicating. "he "loo# to listen" rule can be stated thus< learned a particular coping pattern. 3specially under stress% these individuals appear to dissociate from their feelings% emotions% and even from an a'areness of the body. "hey do this by "going into their heads" and filling the void 'ith a flood of 'ords. "ouching people 'ho are behaving in this manner% 'ho are communicating from this category% may suddenly remind them of their bodies and of the feelings and emotions from 'hich they have dissociated themselves. *t may be for this reason that they have learned to #eep some physical distance bet'een them. selves and others. "his is an important point to remember 'hen communicating 'ith "digitals%" and in some cases 'ith "visuals" as 'ell. A touch can be utili;ed to distract these individuals from their ongoing thought processes. "ouching can also be used to assist them in reconnecting 'ith their bodies and emotions. "+ince * must loo# at you in order to hear and understand you% then you must loo# at me in order for me to #no' that you are hearing and understanding me." C*n the case of "digitals" and especially 'ith "tonals%" the loo# to listen rule is reversed. +ince visual input is a distraction to their ability to hear and understand% "tonals" and "digitals" may state the loo#ing rule as follo's< "* must loo# a'ay in order to hear and understand." "his rule is not pro>ected onto others% ho'ever% li#e the loo# to listen rule of the "visuals. " "he "tonal" and "digital" do not need to loo# to see 'hether or not the person listening is loo#ing% since the visual component is not the important element for them in

the communication process. "he contradiction bet'een the t'o rules for listening has many ramifications. $o' often have you encountered or participated in the scene illustrated belo' in 'hich the angry adult ta#es the child(s chin in hand% saying% "Loo# at me 'hen *(m tal#ing to you:"T "his is often an e!ample of conflict bet'een the loo# to listen and must loo# a'ay rules. *n stressful situations% "digitals" and "tonals" are usually less comfortable trying to understand 'hat is being said to them if they are being "forced" to ma#e eye contact. "his is also generally true for someone operating out of the #inesthetic model. &hat these people see distracts their .E actually touch the people they are tal#ing 'ith. =ust as the "visual" gains information about a spea#er by observing subtle movements% muscular tension and rela!ation% the "#ino" gains the same information through touch and close pro!imity. "hough people operating out of either of the systems have the ability to use any representational system% they 'ill tend to rely upon their preferred system for most of their information. As you can imagine% there is great potential for discomfort and miscommunication bet'een t'o individuals communicating from these t'o different communication categories. &here the "visual" needs distance so as to get a "clear picture" of the process% the "#ino" 'ants to get close enough to insure a "good connection." $o'ever% the moment the "#ino" pushes past the comfortable distance range for the "visual%" the "visual" goes into stress. "his stress is communicated usually analogically through a tightening of the s#eletal muscles and a strain in the voice tonality to the "#ino" 'ho responds by also going into stress. Of course% in the stress situation% the "#ino" 'ill 'ant even more "contact%" and the demands for closeness increase resulting in even more stress for the "visual." "he processes described above all go on almost totally outside the a'areness of the individuals involved. "his is a common pattern found in couples 'ho come in for counsel ing. "he results are often verbali;ed in the follo'ing 'ay< $usband< "* never feel as if 'e have really connected% especially 'hen 'e argue. * feel li#e there(s a great distance bet'een us." &ife< "$e never seems to get the 'hole picture. $e(s al'ays invading my space and Opa'ing( at me 'hile 'e(re trying to have a serious conversation." 8Of course% these roles are >ust as often reversed.9 Anthropologist 3d'ard $all% previously cited% has noticed similar patterns 'ithin 'hole cultures. *n one article% $all .7 points out that of the cultures he has studied% the Arabs prefer a %inch closer "conversational distance" than any of the others% especially compared to the typical "American." $is description of their behaviors is an interesting blend of social constraints 8see Chapter *9 and representational systems. Overall% 'hat they(re doing is coding% sort of synthesi;ing% their reactions. "hey say to themselves% "$o' do * feel about this personT" *n contemporary American terms< "&hat #ind of vibes am * getting from himT" "hey are also responding to smell and to the thermal ?ualities of the other person. &e tal# about someone 'ith a 'arm personality. "his is literally true% and there is [alsoP a very cold fish. "his is the person 'ho dra's heat from you. +o they(re pic#ing up thermal%

olfactory% and #inesthetic cues also. A lot of touching goes on during conversations in the )iddle 3ast.... 2eneral positioning in relation to others for "tonals" and "digibds" is less consistent% though they 'ill both tend to place themselves close enough to hear. Also% for "digitals%" both physical and eye contact are avoided. *t may be that visual input distracts the "digital" from the high concentration necessary to maintain control over his verbal output 'hile a touch has the potential to "reconnect" him 'ith the feelings from 'hich he is dissociated. &here "digitals" and "visuals" 'ill ga;e above the heads of others "thin#ing" and "searching for the correct 'ords to say" "tonals" tend to avert their eyes do'n and a'ay from the spea#er% also in order to #eep from being distracted% though more often during listening than spea#ing. "ouching "hose 'ho habitually communicate from the digital category can be thought of as having .C those of a "visual%" that is% higher up in the chest. "he digital system is based on language% a behavior 'hich is ac?uired as a person matures. A "digital" person% li#e a "visual%" is dissociated from his feelings. +ince faculty 'ith language comes some'hat later in life than visual% tonal% and #inesthetic abilities% it may be that a person becomes "digitali;ed" in response to some environmental situation. )ost "digitals" that * have observed have physical body types similar to a "#ino(s." "his suggests the adoption of the digital system as a means of coping 8through dissociation9 'ith feelings 'hich may not be pleasant. 5igure / F illustrates some of the ?ualities of a "digital." One interesting characteristic 'hich seems to correlate 'ith a person(s communication category is the si;e of the lips. "his is especially true of the lo'er lip. 4ou may find it interesting to match this phenomena 'ith your o'n observations. Aisually oriented persons are often characteri;ed by rather thin% tight lips. People operating out of the #inesthetic category usually demonstrate fuller% softer lips. "(fonals" and Odigitals" vary% ho'ever% the latter tending more to'ard thinner and tighter lips. Aoice< Br e5 An*/y! ! "Uinos%" on the other hand% in order to breathe as deeply as they do% must open up the 'indpipe more. "his can give their voices a more breathy or airy ?uality 'hen they spea#. "his rela!ation of the throat may also add to the tendency to spea# at a slo'er pace than the other categories. Remember% 'e all have the ability to "be" any one or even a combination of each of these categories at different times. 3ven the habitual "visual%" "#ino%" "tonal%" and "digital" can fluctuate% ma#ing body type or build unreliable. Rather than depending on a highly generali;ed model% it is al'ays better to maintain open and clear perceptual channels and trust your o'n e!perience. O,)er Be)*7 or*/ C0e! ("ore are certain patterns of behavior 'hich seem to be consistent 'ithin each of the communication categories% particularly in stressful situations. A person 'ho is being visual" pays most attention to the visual aspects of an interaction. "his includes both the facial e!pressions and other gestures and movements of those around him as 'ell as his o'n internally generated visual imagery. *n order to ade?uately attend to someone he is

tal#ing to% it is important for the "visual" to situate himself so that he can clearly see as much of that person as possible. ,ecause of this% "vi suals%% tend to #eep more physical distance bet'een themselves and others% at least enough distance to be able to see most% if not all% of those 'ith 'hom they are communicating. ,ecause they often place themselves at an angle that 'ill give them the best vantage point% usually some'hat above others% they often appear to be "loo#ing do'n on" everyone else. *(coph% 'ho are operating out of the #inesthetic communieat@on category rely heavily on feelings in order to understand and ma#e sense out of 'hat is happening around them "hey are most li#ely to place themselves 'henever possible in a position in 'hich they can he close enough to .1 C)*r*c,er !, c! of voice associated 'ith each of the communication categories are related to breathing patterns. 5or e!ample% 'here "visuals" tend to breathe higher up in the chest% it ma#es sense that the volume of air ta#en in 'ill be less than that ta#en in by a "tonal%" 'ho utili;es more of the lungs. &ith so much less volume% the "visual" needs to spea# faster in order to say as much 'ith each breath. *t may be that they often tal# 'ith a higher pitched voice because this cuts off more of the flo' of air crossing the vocal chords% enabling them to %%%%%serve air. .F ""onals" *t appears that% at least in the Bnited +tates and other &estern cultures% the proportion of habitual "tonals" is small "#inos" are more alert to bodily needs and comforts% including hunger and eating% so their frames tend to fill out. Also% 'here a "visual" 'ill 'ear sharp% 'ell coordinated and tailored clothing% a "#ino" is more li#ely to 'ear soft and comfortable #nits and fabrics. Again% these are generali;ations. &e all have the ability to "be" any of the communication categories at different times. &hat is offered here are patterns of observable behavior% consistencies from 'hich 'e can effectively predict specific styles of communication and portions of e!perience people are li#ely to be most a'are of. 5igure / D in relation to the other categories. ,ecause of this% it is more difficult to ma#e accurate generali;ations about them. )y e!perience 'ith the fe' * have met leads me to believe that their physi?ues vary but tend to'ard the slim rather than the obese. A common communicative posture for this group as sho'n in 5igure / D is having the arms folded across the chest 'ith the head tilted do'n and to the side% perhaps to listen. &hen they spea#% they maintain more control over the auditory portion of communication than most people. *n order to maintain this control over their reproduction of tonal aspects of their speech% they need to have a full range of breathing. "hey tend% therefore% to have larger rib cages than "visuals" and to utili;e their lungs more fully. "Digitals" A person 'ho is communicating from the digital modality generally spea#s in a clipped% crisp monotone. +ince variations in tone are relatively unimportant to them% the habitual "digital" e!hibits breathing patterns more li#e 5igure / F ./

"his ability to operate in systems other than the preferred system is true for all of the communication categories. 5igure / .D other categories. &hen operating from this modality% people tend to breathe into the lo'er portion of the lungs. "he tonality of a "#ino" might be generali;ed as having soft or airy ?ualities 'ith a slo'er tempo and lo'er tone and volume than the other categories. 5igure / / illustrates this category. Bo.y- ,rief Analysis *f you thin# in terms of the aspect of e!perience the habitual "#ino" or "visual" is paying attention to% the structure of their bodies begins to ma#e sense. &hen operating from the visual modality% a person becomes dissociated or disconnected from bodily e!periences. "his is because it is primarily the visual portions of the environment that command his attention. Physical demands such as hunger 8or fullness:9 often go unnoticed% and% though habitual "visuals" tend to be slimmer than people 'hose preferred system is #inesthetic% they can also become obese. Bnli#e the "visuals%" habitual "Uinos" "hin# of the image evo#ed by +anta Claus. $e is al'ays depicted as a soft and rather round man 'ith rosy chee#s and a flo'ing 'hite beard. &hen he laughs% his 'hole belly >iggles% and the feelings he elicits are 'arm and happy. "he figure of +anta is an appropriate e!ample of a "#ino." "he habitual "#ino" generally has more flesh on his body than individuals from the other categories% although they tend not to be obese. &hen communicating from this modality% individuals 'ill often demonstrate a rounding of the shoulders% and they sometimes bend slightly for'ard as they spea# and listen. "heir motions tend to be flo'ing and loose@ ho' else 'ould +anta get do'n the chimney: $abitual "#inos" often have a larger rib e!tension compared to the .0 *t is important to #eep in mind throughout this boo# the 'arning previously issued. "his model and the labels associated 'ith it are only generali;ations about people. "hey delete a great deal of information@ this is a part of ho' they are supposed to function. "hey can ma#e it easier for us to perceive% understand% and predict behavior. $o'ever% as mentioned in a popular te!t on psychology% "Labels intended to be merely descriptive may also come to be regarded as e!planations of the problem."(/ "hey should never be used in a 'ay 'hich might interfere 'ith either our perceptions of or our hehnuiors to'ard those 'e have labeled. "he e!amples in the sections 'hich follo' are intended to simplify the tas# of detecting behavioral patterns. *lo'ever% remember that it is al'ays best to use your o'n observations 'hen a model doesn(t tit. "he Communication C*,e1or e! 'o.e/ O0,/ ne "he follo'ing list represents the specific areas of behavior covered by the communication categories model. "hese behaviors are different for each of the four systems and are described in detail in the te!t. A complete chart 'ith specific behaviors listed under the "visual%" "#ino%" "tonal%" and "digital" systems is presented in Appendi! C. -. Predicates 'hich presuppose a representational system 8preferred system9. /. Postural characteristics.

D. ,ody "types" and movements. F. Lip si;e. .. ,reathing patterns. C. Aoice tonality% speed% and tempo. 1. 3ye elevation in relation to others. E. Rules for loo#ing 'hile listening. 7. +atir categories. -0. )eta model violations< linguistic idiosyncrasies. *-. )eta model ill formed meanings. -/. Accessing cues. Po!,0re *n. Bo.y C0e! Although heredity plays an important part in creating the physical appearance 'e each display% psychologists have long recogni;ed the relationship bet'een personality our iuodel of the 'orld and physical characteristics.% i ,ecause these physical ?ualities are e!ternally e!hibited% they are communicative signals 'hich can be useful tools in the process of demystifying communication. "Aisuals" ")rs. )cCulvary 'as my third grade teacher. * remember her 'ell if not fondly. +he 'as so s#inny and tall% our nic#name for her 'as ostrich% although that could also be because of the colorful "plumage" she sometimes 'ore. +he al'ays seemed to loo# do'n her nose at everyone% and she had a tendency to screech 'henever she tal#ed to us." "he above description of the fictional )rs. )cCulvary is a good e!ample of some of the characteristics often displayed by "visuals." *t is not unusual for the habitual "visual" to be thin% although you 'ill occasionally run across a very fat or obese "visual" 8see ",ody< ,rief Analysis" on page .D9. "hey usually stand erect 'ith their shoulders held up or bac#. People 'ho are being "visual" 'ill #eep their nec#s straight and erect% matching their bodies. "hey often appear to "lead 'ith their chin" 'hen they 'al#% and their motions can be described as stiff or >er#y. $abitual "visuals" 'ill often have a smaller rib e!tension than individuals from the other categories% and they tend to breathe more into the upper portion of the chest. *t is not uncommon for the "visual" to spea# in a fast% clear or distinct 'ay 'ith a higher pitch than people operating from the other categories. 5igure / * is an illustration of some of the physical characteristics described above. +ome of these postural and tonal behaviors can be observed in individuals operating out of the visual system even though their preferred system is not visual. "his 'ould include breathing and movement% although the visual body type and rib cage e!tension 'ould most li#ely be demonstrated only by a habitual "visual." FE Predicate preference is only one indication of ho' people are representing or e!periencing the 'orld. *n this section 'e 'ill e!plore other 'ays people indicate their preferred systems% many of 'hich can be observed before they even open their mouths. Person A(s least valued system 8the visual system9 is person ,(s *referre# system and vice versa. *n terms of being able to "spea# the same language%" their representational system hierarchies already pose a formidable obstacle to effective communication: #)e Comm0n c*, on C*,e1or e! 'o.e/ Caution< &ener*/ @*, on A)e*. *n the discussion about human modeling processes% one of the primary areas discussed

'as the process of generali;ation 'hich is important to our ability to learn a great comple!ity of information and ne' behaviors. $o'ever% generali;ations may also become a source of pain for an individual by limiting both behavior and percep a 2EN5PAs"FA /ON( lion in nonproductive 'ays. G A!5no "he meta principles of communication and change presented in this handboo# are based on generali;ations behavioral patterns 'ithin an individual(s sphere of activity as 'ell as consistencies of interaction bet'een members of a society. ,ut these are only generali;ations@ they are only models of behavior. -7 *t is important to remember a point road% earlier< 3veryone has a different map or model of reality. &e are all #ifferent &hat is presented on the follo'ing pages are generali;ations about. people that are only useful 'hen they assist its in more efficient and effective communication. ,e teary of the potential to become limited by these same generali;ations. *t is better to trust 'hat 4ou see% hear% and feel than to rely on a highly generali;ed model of behavior. Remember< *f the model doesn(t fit% don(t use it. ,ased in part on the 'or# of family therapist Airginia +atir" and the human behavior modelers ,undler and 2rinder% * have consolidated into a model four basic cotnrnunlcation categories. "his model is organi;ed around the tour preferred representational systems. "hese are the visual system% the #inesthetic system% the auditory tonal system% and the digital system. (there is an efficient shorthand that 'ill be used throughout this boo# to identify each of the communication categories. ,ecause the model is organi;ed around the four representational systems% the follo'ing labels 'ill be used. A person demonstrating characterisites associated 'ith the visual communication category 'ill be called a "visual." One 'ho is operating 'ithin the #inesthmtic modality 'ill be called a "#ino." +omeone e!hibiting behaviors associated 'ith the auditory system 'ill be called it "tonal%" and e person operating out ut the digital system 'ill be called a "digil<%l " "hese labels can be used in t'o 'ays. One 'ay is to describe an individual 'ho habitually represents e!perience 'ith one of the systems more often than the others. "he other 'ay is to describe ho' an individual is representing his e!perience in a particular situation. *n this case% the label identifies the dominant mode of behavior in that particular situation. *n the illustration on page FF% for e!ample% 'e could say that the man is being a "#ino%" and the 'oman is being a "visual." FC "he sooner you begin to match the client(s predicates% to spea# his o'n language% the more rapidly therapy can progress. "his is true in any situation 'here a close relationship is being fostered% 'hether you are a therapist% a teacher% or an office manager. "he ability to adapt your o'n language to the predicates of others is as important in a close intimate relationship li#e a family as it is in situations 'here people must 'or# together. "he follo'ing illustration demonstrates 'hat sometimes happens 'hen t'o people 'ho come together in the 'or# environment spea# t'o different "languages." "he result of changing your language to match the person you are tal#ing 'ith is t'o

fold. 5irst% the person begins to feel more at ease 'ith you and is more li#ely to trust you< "Ah: +omeone 'ho really understands me:" +econd% you create an environment in 'hich miscommunication is much less li#ely to occur. "his is because you leave no room for contradictions bet'een 'hat you say or as# for and the internal e!perience model of the 'orld of the person you are tal#ing 'ith. Also% because you are more "li#e" him in his e!perience% it is easier for him to "li#e" you. Representational +ystem $ierarchies A person(s preferred representational system is the one in 'hich he generally ma#es the most number of distinctions about the 'orld. One 'ay to determine 'hich system a person prefers is to give him the 0e*resentational +ystem ,ias "est 8see Appendi! -D at the end of this boo#9. ,y tallying the scores as sho'n% you can determine a person(s representational system hierarchy < His preferred system 'ill have a higher score than his secon#ary system% and so on. "his "ran#ing" of a person(s representational systems has some important ramifications. As demonstrated in previous e!amples% difficulties can arise 'hen t'o people 'ho need to communicate each have different preferred systems. "his is especially true 'hen the difference bet'een the scores is large as in the e!ample belo'. Person A< A 1 U /0 A -0 -9 -D Person a< A /0 U C A 7 D -. F1 FF Let us imagine that the 'ell intentioned counselor decides to respond to the above situation by turning to the 'oman and saying% "*t(s obvious that you are upset. &hat are your feelings telling youT +pea# from your guts@ share your emotions 'ith us." *n this hypothetical e!ample% the 'oman might reply 'ith< "&ell% * don(t really #no' 'hat you mean. *t >ust seems that everything * do is 'rong. "hings >ust aren(t F. 'hat * pictured they 'ould be 'hen * got married% and my husband doesn(t even seem to care:" "he #ey to this interaction is in the 'oman(s response to the counselor. +he is being very honest 'ith him 'hen she says she really doesn(t #no' 'hat he means. 5or him to persist in as#ing her to "contact those feelings" or to "get in touch 'ith her emotions" may lead to a counterproductive session. "his is a situation 'here using the same "language" as the client could prove invaluable. Once he gains rapport 'ith the 'oman% once she has the sense that he really "understands" her% then he can begin to systematically alter his language% "translating" the language of one system into another in order to effectively communicate 'ith both her and her husband. "he ne!t step is to teach the couple to spea# and understand each other(s language. "his can be done either overtly by tal#ing about the use of predicates or through e!ample% by simply continuing to "translate" 'henever appropriate. F0nc, on*/ D 55erence! ", is perhaps the "mismatching" of predicates that accounts in part for the confounding fact that "great" therapists can 'or# miracles 'ith some clients but are almost totally ineffective 'ith others. Preferred representational systems may also play an important role in a therapist(s choice of 'hich psychotherapeutic

techni?ues to study. 5or e!ample% the more traditional psychotherapies rely heavily on the client(s ability to digitali;e to tal# aboutand to visuali;e various e!periences. +ome of the humanistic approaches% on the other hand% identifying feelings or emotions as the medium through 'hich to achieve change. "hese are functional #ifferences, differences 'hich% on the positive side% enable individuals 'ith different models of the 'orld to see# out and 'or# 'ithin a system that best suits their o'n. a; spea# to a person using his o'n "language%" you heighten the sense of rapport bet'een you and pave the 'ay for the trust that is so important to any close relationship. %Another 'ay to thin# about predicate preference is to imagine ho' a blind person might perceive an elephant in comparison to a sighted person. 4ou can be sure that their linguistic descriptions 'ould demonstrate the differences. 3ven though a person demonstrates a preference for one of the representational systems% it does not mean that he does not use the other systems too. On the contrary% 'e all use all of the systems all of the time. *t has been my observation% ho'ever% that 'hether out of habit% in response to stressful situations% or in other areas of interaction% people tend to depend on their preferred system% the system in 'hich they can ma#e the most distinctions about the 'orld. *t also appears that% in some people% this system changes depending on the specific situation confronting them. her% trying to visuali;e 'here he had seen an escape route. *n his fren;y% he ne)er even felt the touch nor #i# lie hear the 'ords from behind him: ds +tress 5ire engines clanged and 'ailed in the streets belo'% and people screamed unintelligible 'ords from the buildings across the boulevard. "he smell of smo#e 'as getting more intense that 'as probably 'hat 'o#e him up. 5ire: "he image of burning buildings% flaming stair'ells% and smo#e clogged hall'ays set him into a panic. lie ran into the main hall'ay and started cho#ing from the smo#e he thought he could see there. *le began loo#ing frantically for a 'ay out% trying to visuali;e 'here the fire escapes 'ere. +omeone came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder% saying% "3veryone(s gone do'n the bac# 'ay. 5ollo' me.:" "hen he ran off% leading the 'ay% assuming he 'as being follo'ed. ,ut the panic struc# man didn(t turn and follo'. lie 'as still busy trying to remem Often people under stress 'ill turn to the representational system they trust the most. "hey may even delete other systems from their conscious a'areness% thereby limiting their ability to respond. *t is tragic because during >ust those times they need all the sensory input and all the a'areness they can get: People coming into therapy 'ho are under great stress in their lives are often e!tremely limited in their a'areness of their problems and in their choices concerning ho' to behave. *t is possible they are bloc#ed by their inability to create ne' choices or to even perceive alternatives because the choices and perceptions lie outside the range of the system into 'hich they have retreated. "he language of the representation systems can 'or# for you in t'o 'ays. ,esides indicating ho' a person is ma#ing sense of his e!perience% it can also provide an e!tremely effective method for gaining rapport 'ith that person. "his can be demonstrated by using the follo'ing illustration of a married couple 'ho have come for

counseling. Notice the linguistic patterns being used by the couple as they try to describe the "problem." change in the tone of the scenery 'as being echoed by our voices. * li#e days li#e this@ it reminds me of a tune my father used to play on the guitar. . . . Auditory predicates characteri;e )ar#(s description. "hey include verbs li#e "echoed%" and "play" 8the guitar9 and adverbs li#e "?uieter." Other 'ords auditory in nature are "voice" and "tone." +omeone 'ith a highly developed auditory representational system may ma#e statements li#e< ""hat shirt is too loud for me%" and% "Does that sound good to you(T" Leading by a Nose Bse of representational systems is one of the 'ays people change their sensory input from the 'orld into a model or a re presentation of the 'orld. Representational systems not only indicate the process by 'hich individuals formally create their models but also provide us 'ith a format by 'hich 'e can understand ho' and 'hat they e!perience. ,y listening carefully to the 'ords people use% it is possible to identify patterns in their language 'hich indicate preference for one representational system over the others. Preferred representational systems are one of the most systematic 'ays in 'hich people(s models of the 'orld differ. As 'e continue to demystify the processes of communication 'e 'ill attend to these differences. *n animals li#e dogs and cats% the olfactory system is crucial for their survival. *n humans% ho'ever% it is less important. "hough 'e probably ma#e fe'er distinctions in this system than in the others% it is very li#ely our most efficient lead system. A lead system is the representational system that is used to gain access to information stored in our minds. 5or e!ample% 'e can search through our memories visually% li#e flipping through a series of slides@ 'e can grope around% trying to get a feel for the ans'er to a hard ?uestion@ or 'e can stammer as 'e desperately try to remember the name of an important person by going through a series of% "*t sounds li#e % and rhymes 'ith ,ecause olfactory input does not go through the same neurological processing on the 'ay to the brain as the other systems%s it tends to operate more efficiently as a lead system. "his system has also not escaped linguistic modeling. +everal common phrases 'hich utili;ed the olfactory system are< "*t(s bitter cold outside%" and "(that 'as tastefully done." Bsing the Language of the Representational +ystems *n Chapter * it 'as suggested that everyone creates a model of the 'orld and that due to differences in neurological% social% and individual constraints% everyone(s model is different. *ndividual language patterns can assist us in determining 'hat some of those differences are. +omeone 'ho occasionally says% "4es% * see 'hat you mean%" is giving you a marvelous piece of information about ho' this person is ma#ing sense of 'hat you are saying. Uno'ing this% you can frame your o'n language in such a 'ay that you match that person(s model. ,y using more visual predicates% you can help him to "see" even more "clearly" 'hat you are tal#ing about. ,y the same to#en% someone 'ho says% "* don(t ?uite grasp your meaning%" may respond positively to a different linguistic pattern. Rather than trying to "paint a picture" for him 'ith your 'ords% it might be more effective to "grapple 'ith the concepts" and "put them into piece@" that are "easier to get a handle on." One 'ay to thin# about preferred representational systems is to consider that each

system has its o'n "language." "his means that there are several different languages that are "foreign" to one another. ,y being able to understand and DE descriptive 'ords and phrases primarily verbs% adverbs and ad>ectives often presuppose one of the representational systems. As you listen to a person tal# over a period of time% you may discover that there are times 'hen a ma>ority of the predicates he uses refer to one system more often than any of the others. "his person is choosing% usually at an unconscious level% to isolate one system from his ongoing "stream" of F"(s. "hen% using the digital system% he identifies that system by the 'ords he selects to communicate 'ith. "his is important% because it indicates to you ho' that person is ma#ing sense of his e!perience. *t is a clue to the person(s model of the 'orld% and it also indicates 'hat type of sensory e!perience he is most li#ely to notice. Pre5erre. Re+re!en,*, on*/ (y!,em! "his more fre?uent use of one system over the others is called a person(s preferred representational system.( *ts use can be thought of as habitual% and it often becomes particularly evident during situations 'hich are stressful for the individual. "his system is usually the one a person ma#es the most distinctions in. *t is the system used most often by him to consciously and unconsciously represent and understand his e!periences. One e!cellent e!ample of ho' the preferred systems operate is given by Roger +hepard% a Professor of Psychology at +tanford Bniversity. *n describing his "creative thin#ing processes%" +hepard states< "hat in all of these sudden illuminations my ideas too# shape in a primarily visual spatial form 'ithout. +o far as * can introspect% any verbal intervention is in accordance 'ith 'hat has al'ays been my preferred mode of thin#ing.... Another fine e!ample of preferred representational systems too# place 'hile * 'as sitting 'ith some friends one evening on a dec# overloo#ing a beautiful stretch of the Pacific Ocean. 5illed 'ith the moment% 'e began to ta#e turns describing our e!periences. "he follo'ing three ?uotations are more or less representative of 'hat 'as actually said. * love the vie'. Loo# at the fantastic red and purple colors in the clouds 'here the sun >ust 'ent do'n and ho' clearly they reflect in the 'ater over there.... *n the above e!ample% +usan(s predicates consistently reflect the visual representational system. +pecifically% the visual predicates are< verbs "Loo#%" "reflect"@ adverbs "clearly"@ ad>ectives "red%" "purple." Also nouns li#e "vie'" and "colors" indicate the visual system. "his person(s description of the moment can create a "picture" in the listener(s mind. *t is an important indication of the part of the e!perience that is most important to +usan. People 'ho consistently use this mode of e!pression 'ill often use phrases li#e< "* see 'hat you mean%" and% "Let me see if l can remember." Right no' *(m feeling very 'arm% almost radiant% to'ards all of you. * feel as though *(ve been in touch 'ith each of you today in a special 'ay% and sitting here 'ith you all so close enhances that feeling. "his person places a great deal of emphasis on feelings% emotions and other #inesthetic aspects of the e!perience. "he #inesthetic predicates are< verbs "feeling%" "feel%" "been in touch%" "sitting"@ adverbs "'arm%" "radiant%" "close." Common phrases used by people 'ho spea# from this system are< "Can you handle it(T" and% "* feel pretty comfortable 'ith

the situation no'." +usan #)om*! )ar# D7 * 'as noticing ho'% as the sun 'ent do'n% everyone(s voice got ?uieter% almost as if the DC &he third sentence in the numbered e!amples elicits e!periences associated 'ith the auditory system% and the fourth the olfactory gustatory system. "hough taste and smell are t'o distinct sensory mechanisms% they are grouped together for simplicity. 2enerally% unless you are a gourmet. chef or 'ine connoisseur% your model of the 'orld probably does not contain as many distinctions in the olfactory representational system as in the other systems. *n fact% the visual and #inesthetic appear to be t'o of the most often used systems in &estern cultures. "he last of the numbered sentences is uni?ue because none of the 'ords presuppose any of the sensory based systems. "his is an e2am*le of purely digital information. *n such <i case% it is entirely up to the reader to "understand%" using 'hatever system is best for him. "his process 'ill be informed as to body position% vibrations% and deep pain and pressure@ and visceral sensa tions of pain and fullness from internal organs. *n our language% ho'ever% 'e have identified another #ind of "feelings%" those 'e call emotions. &hen someone says% "* 'as hurt%" he may be tal#ing about pressure or pain on his s#in% or he may be tal#ing about some "internal state" called an emotion. Actually% the t'o meanings are very similar. "o be "hurt" emotionally is a composite of several somatic sensations. 5or e!ample% there may be a tightening around the eyes and face% changes in posture% stresses on deep muscle tissue% tendons% and >oints% and often accompanying input from the viscera in the form of tightening or contractions. "his sensory input is combined 'ith other thought processes and is then labeled as emotional "hurt." ,ecause of this close lin# 'ith somatic sensations% it is useful to consider that those feelings 'e call emotions are actually #eri)e# feelings, or% in the formal notation< Ud. e!plored in great detail in this chapter. Olfactory 2ustatory Distinctions Language is used to communicate various aspects of our e!perience of the 'orld to each other. ,y creating internal% sensory based e!periences in response to the 'ords 'e read or hear, 'e are each able to understand 'hat is being said. $o'ever% this synthetic e!perience can also operate in 'ays 'hich prevent us from e!periencing fully 'hat the spea#er or 'riter intends to communicate. ,ecause our understanding is internally generated% it is affected by the universal human modeling processes of generali;ation% deletion% and distortion. ,ecause 'e each have uni?ue models of the 'orld% the follo'ing a!iom must be considered important to the study of connnunication< "he meaning of any communication is defined by the response it elicits. Predicate Preference &hen listening to a person tal#% sometimes a pattern becomes evident% a pattern of predicate preference. "hese D1 FF

"he goal of this boo# is to increase your ability to detect and utili;e patterns of behavior that occur both 'ithin an individual and bet'een people as they interact. Language% the digital representational system% is able to re present all of the systems used by people to create and communicate their e!periences of the 'orld. ,ecause of this% it provides an especially effective tool for alerting an attentive listener to important information about a spea#er(s model of the 'orld. Differing patterns of 'ord usage are demonstrated in the follo'ing five sentences. "a#e a moment to read each one carefully. Pay particular attention to ho' each one elicits a some'hat different sub>ective e!perience. (en,ence * ee#ad %* pungent% sulferous earth 'hich #ept threatening to spoil an other'ise savory a-*ofnoun. +entence . *t is ?uite possible that the current situation could be improved% if not by moderating% then perhaps by rearticulating the response argument in order to preclude less desirable results. 3ach of the above sentences utili;es one of the representational systems. "hrough the consistent use of certain 'ords and phrases in each sentence% the reader is led into an e!perience an "understanding" 'hich taps portions of his model of the 'orld associated 'ith his sensory systems. "his is true e!cept% of course% for the last sentence. "he first sentence% for e!ample% illustrates the visual representational system. )any readers find that they can actually "see" the table% the faces% and the thoughts. ,y going through their o'n personal history the collection of all past e!periences stored in the mind they create for themselves internal e!periences similar to the one described. *n the same 'ay% most people are able to create "feelings" from the second sentence% 'hich e!emplifies the #inesthetic system. "his ereative construction of internal e!periences in responsiK to 'ords plays a crucial role in the process of conunuoL 8ion. "hat rings a bell 'ith me% too@ it 'ould be good if 'e could tune ourselves into your program 'ithout altering our tempo and thus create more harmonious relationships 'ithin the group. +entence F "he salty sea bree;es mi!ed 'ith the s'eet scent of delicate flo'ers% but the nearby marsh 3motions "he #inesthetic representational system includes several important distinctions. +ensory inputs from the body are classed as somatic sensations. "hese include the e!teroceptiue sensations of temperature% touch% and pain@ proprioceptiue sensations from deeper in our muscles% tendons% and >oints 'hich #eep us * loo#ed do'n from 'here * sat at the head of the long% dar#% oa# table% and it seemed to me that they should all #no' better than to thin# the thoughts * sa' clearly reflected on their bright% smiling faces. (en,ence / * 'as suddenly a'are of that helpless feeling again% that gna'ing sensation in my belly% and% lo'ering my eyes% * #nelt do'n gripping at the smooth% comforting folds of my robe. +entence D and taste. 3ach one of these sensory inputs has physical places in our brains to 'hich the

e!perience is sent% processed% and recorded. "his assimilation of the initial input transforms the e!perience into something different from the original stimulus. &hat 'e actually perceive are representations or models of 'hat each of our sensory organs transmits to us. "hese individual models of assimilation are called representational systems.( At any moment 'e are receiving and processing input from all of our senses% even 'hen 'e are not consciously a'are of it. 3ach "slice out of time" is composed of the elements 'hich ma#e up the F tuple 8F"9 presented in Chapter *. 3very F" includes each of the representational systems< sight is the "visual" system 8A9@ feeling is the "#inesthetic" system 8U9@ hearing is the "auditory" system 8A9@ and smell and taste ma#e up the "olfactory" system 8O9T "he F" is 'ritten li#e this< 8A UAOL *n order to differentiate bet'een e!perience of e!ternal origins and synthetic or internally generated e!perience% the subscripts e for e!ternal and i for internal can be used. 5or e!ample% * may be reading a maga;ine and turn a page to see a full color picture of a sailboat 8AG9. "his in turn may instantly elicit the memory of the feeling of a boat roc#ing under my feet 8UG9% the sound of sails slapping in the 'ind 8At9% and the smell and taste of the ocean 8O%9. "he F" for that complete e!perience 'ould be 'ritten li#e this< HA%U%AiOiL "o revie' briefly% the F-( is a model of one moment m time. *t includes each of the four representational systems and can be 'ritten in formal notation as<HA U A OL. "he subscripts a and i identify 'hether the representation comes from e!ternal or internal origins. "his formal shorthand can help ma#e the observation and discussion of communicative behaviors easier and more concise. "he Digital +ystem During the process of building our models of the 'orld% language and other social con straints are attached to our e!periences. "he collection of 'ord symbols and the rules 'hich govern their use ma#e up a uni?ue and distinct representational system. Bnli#e the systems in the F"% the digital system% made up of language% is notan analog system< it is not directly related to any of our sensory organs. Language is the only system 'hich can represent all of the other representational systems. *t can create models of 8re present9 each system including itself. "here is evidence that this more recenty evolved modeling tool may be sub>ugated to the analog systems% ho'ever. "he follo'ing description from &at;la'ic#% et al( demonstrates this relationship< Children% fools and animals have al'ays been credited 'ith particular intuition regarding the sincerity of human attitudes% for it is easy to profess something verbally% but difficult to carry a lie into the realm of the analogic. DD Do presupposes coasisteneies in language at many levels. *t is through these consistent patterns of behavior that 'e are able to survive in and perpetuate a society. (these same hehaviors provide clues as to ho' an individual creates not only >oy and understanding but also pain and confusion in his daily life. +ome elements of communication are 'ithin our conscious control% but most are completely outside our conscious a'areness. As 'e begin to attend to communication as a presentation of uni?ue personal models% many of those idiosyncrasies 'hich

produce miscommunication and misunderstanding become% instead% tools for even deeper and more profound communication. "he more astute 'e become at seeing% hearing% and feeling the total messages being sent% the better able 'e 'ill be to perceive 'hat is really meant. "his a'areness 'ill also enable us to better use our o'n channels of communication to e!press 'hat 'e need and 'ant% not only to others% but also within ourselves. "his boo# is a presentation of various models of human behavior. "hese models can be e!tremely useful as tools 'hen used to understand% predict% and shape the human interactions 'e call communication. ,ut these models can also be very limiting if 'e forget that they are not actually reality. &e must #eep in mind the idea stated so 'ell by 3d'ard ". $all< All theoretical models are incomplete. ,y definition% they are abstractions and therefore leave things out. &hat they leave out is as important as% if not more important than% 'hat they do not% because it is 'hat is left out that gives structure and form to the system. 8p. -F9 Beyon# Culture C$AP"3R ** "$3 CO))BN*CA"*ON CA"32OR*3+ )OD3L +orcerers say that 'e are inside a bubble. *t is a bubble into 'hich 'e are placed at the moment of our birth. At first the bubble is open% but then it begins to close until it has sealed us in. "hat bubble is our perception. &e live inside that bubble all of our lives. And 'hat 'e 'itness on its round 'alls is our o'n reflection. Don =uan% from Carl.. Castaneda% "ales of Po'er Representational +ystems Perception is an e!citing area of study in the field of psychology. As discussed in the previous chapter% because neurological input forms the building bloc#s of our models of the 'orld% there are many different 'ays to describe the process 'e call perception. &hat follo's is based on the neurological model presented in Chapter -. "here are five primary 'ays humans e!perience the 'orld. ,arring neurological damage% 'e can see% feel% hear% smell% /E *t is important 'hen you are learning the basic principles of effective communication to drop the assumption that you already #no' 'hat 'ords such as those listed above mean. 4our "#no'ing" is based on your o'n model of the 'orld 'hich is also sub>ect to the processes of generali;ation% deletion% and distortion% as 'ell as to neurological% social% and individual constraints. Rather than presuming that your understanding of these 'ords is the same as the spea#er(s% it is often advisable to as# for his o'n definitions. "his may #eep you from becoming trapped by your o'n model of the 'orld. ,y more fully understanding 'hat the spea#er is saying% you are more li#ely to gain rapport and be more influential in your communication 'ith him. +pecific techni?ues for as#ing for a person(s definitions of these 'ords as 'ell as some linguistic clues for 'hen more information is needed are given in Chapter ***. (0mm*ry ... we are loo#ing for pragmatic redundancies@ 'e #no' that they 'ill not be simple% static magnitudes or ?ualities% but patterns analogous to the mathematical concept of function.... 8p. F-9

&at;la'ic#% et al.% Pragmatics of $uman Communication *n dealing 'ith communication% it is important to note the distinction made by &al;la'ic#% that all behavior is communication. "here are actually t'o #inds of communicative behavior. One encompasses observable patterns of interaction% primarily speech and overt gestures. "he other is less obvious communication that goes on inside each of us all the time. All communication% 'hether overtly e!hibited or internally e!perienced% affects us in observable 'ays. *t is the observation and utili;ation of specific communicative behaviors that ma#e up the ma>or theme of this boo#. Once 'e begin to e!plore the 'ays 'e ma#e sense of the myriad e!periences 'e call "living%" many behavioral patterns become evident. 2rinder and ,undler(s "human modeling processes" afford us an organi;ational basis from 'hich to e!plore differences bet'een 'hat people e!perience 8the territory9 and ho' they ma#e sense of those e!periences 8their map or model of the 'orld9. +upported by evidence from neurological studies% 'e e!tend this model building behavior to include three constraints< neurological% social% and individual. ,y under standing that these mechanisms are important in the creating of an individual(s model and in that person(s representation of "'ho" he is% 'e begin the first step in gaining the rapport and trust so important to influential and therapeutic communications. Recogni;ing that each person creates a different model of the 'orld enables us to cherish rather than >udge or fear those differences. *t is those differences that ma#e each of us uni?ue and create the ama;ing and 'onderful diversity of personality 'e encounter 'ithin and bet'een societies. &e share a universal linguistic convention< understanding * do not attempt to define 'hat a human being is% * describe 'hat a human being #oes 8p. D09 Bois, &he Art of Au areness J9 in the F-tu*le /or sim*licity, the mo#el below shows a com*lete set of synthesi?e# e2*eriences ri#ing ato* the e2ternal F-tu*le $s we shall see in later cha*ters, *eo*le can systematically #elete one *articular element from their F-tu*les &he ability of a thera*ist to #etect an# utili?e this (in# of information when wor(ing with an in#i)i#ual can greatly e2*e#ite the *rocess of thera*eutic growth an# change &he e2am*le on *age !JH #emonstrates how this information can be effecti)ely use# $s the figure shows, the F-tu*les are finally collecte# in the .emory Bo2 &he re*ository for all e2*eriences, it re*resents our *ersonal history, our com*osite mo#el of the worl# &his collection of e2*eriences #oes much to sha*e our thin#ing an# our *erce*tion of the worl# aroun# us 8nformation for synthetic e2*eriences in this sim*listic #iagram comes from the .emory Bo2 through the .emory &ube $gain, this information can be in the form of a com*lete internally generate# F-tu*le, or it can be single elements from the )arious store# F-tu*les which <re*lace< one or more of the *ieces of e2ternal origins $ com*lete #iagram showing all three *rocesses is *resente# in $**en#i2 $ /igure 8 - H J, When we communicate with *eo*le, when we are successful in creating thera*eutic changes, or in teaching something new, we always begin at the neurological le)el with the soun# of our )oices an# the loo( an# feel of our actions When intervention ocurs at

the linguistic le)el 7see 'ha*ter 8885, we are o*erating on a *erson's F-tu*le at the le)el of social constraints $t the le)el of individual constraints, we assist *eo*le in understanding how their mo#els of the worl# are #ysfunctional, how they are causing unnecessary *ain an# har#shi* in their li)es, or how they bloc( the awareness of alternati)e thoughts, feelings or actions ;ltimately, any learning or thera*eutic e2*erience that is successful becomes a *art of a *erson's *ersonal history /ile# into his .emory Bo2, the new mo#el will begin to sha*e thin#ing an# *erce*tion in new, *ositi)e, an# healthy ways 8t is im*ortant to *oint out, as #i# Bun#ler an# %rin#er,''' that this #iscussion of constraints on the mo#el buil#ing *rocesses is not meant to be a com*rehensi)e *resentation, nor is it meant to im*ly that there are #istinct #i)isions between the three constraints &hey actually o)erla* &he *ur*ose of this boo( is to *resent the rea#er with mo#els for *ercei)ing, *re#icting, an# influencing beha)ior &hey are useful for these *ur*oses e)en though they are inaccurate: $ mo#el merely re*resents what it is mo#eling 'om*le2 3?uivalents Ine e2am*le of o)erla**ing constraints concerns lan guage Ine to the influence of neurological an# in#i)i#ual constraints, internal re*resentations of language 7social constraints5 are #ifferent for e)erybo#y /or e)ery wor# learne#, e)eryone has a somewhat #ifferent internal e2*erience &hese s*ecific e2*eriences associate# with wor#s are calle# com*le2 e3uiualents '< ;sually the subtleties between *eo*le's understanding of wor#s are irrele)ant Howe)er, there are wor#s that sometimes lea# to misun#erstanding between *eo*le Wor#s li(e loue, relationshi*, *artnershi*, fear, *ower, trust, res*ect, an# any e2*ressions lin#ed with a *erson's *erce*tion of himself an# the environment are critical to the *rocess of communication, as the e2am*le below #emonstrates /F interpretation of personality based on a #no'ledge of that individual(s personal history. *ndividual constraints% the third in the series discussed here% are the direct result of personal e!periences. "a#en as a 'hole% they are 'hat form a person(s historical bac#ground. *ndividual constraints are based on both neurological and social constraints% the t'o underlying filters of e!perience. As a person continues tloe process of construction and modification of his model of the 'orld% it is individual constraints that form the fabric of his belief and value systems. "hey play an important part in 'hat ma#es up the "rose" in a person(s "rose colored glasses." *t is personal history in part that e!plains 'hy a ghetto youth is less li#ely to score as high on the +tanford ,inet intelligence test as a youngster from an "upper class" family. "hese constraints also account for part of the diversity of scores on tests li#e the )innesota )ultiphasic Personality *nventory. *mportant to our understanding of individual models of the 'orld is the concept of internally generated stimuli. As previously mentioned% for every moment in time% 'e create a F tupte of e!perience. "his includes the parameters of visual e!perience 8A9@ feelings% 'hich include tactile% proprioceptive% and somatic e!periences 8U9@ the e!perience of sound 8A9@ and smell and taste% also #no'n as olfactory and gustatory e!perience 8O29. &e also have an immense collection of stored e!periences% called memories. "hese memories can be manipulated% shuffled% and reorgani;ed in very

creative 'ays% something 'e generally call "thin#ing." "hin#ing% ho'ever% is merely synthetic e!perience% e!trapolations and recombinations of previously e!perienced material in ne' and uni?ue 'ays. *t is possible at any time to substitute synthesi;ed elements for other sensory based e!periences in a F tuple. *n other 'ords% at any given moment% a person may e!perience combinations of internally generated pictures% images% feelings% sounds% smells and tastes along 'ith stimuli of e!ternal origin. "he smell of a Christmas tree% for e!ample% may originate in the e!ternal environment. $o'ever% it may instantaneously elicit internally generated visual memories%S feelings% and sounds associated 'ith that particular smell. /. "hese synthesi;ed elements in the F tuple are based on a person(s previous e!periences his past personal history% in combination 'ith various 'ants and needs of the moment. +ynthetic e!periences are also sub>ect to the universal modeling processes of generali;ation% deletion% and distortion. "n,ern*/ 3!perience "3motionally laden" e!periences are often elicited by cues in the e!ternal environment. "hey may be pleasant% as in the above e!ample% or they may be devastating. An e!ample of internally generated dysfunctional response to e!ternal cues is given on page -/D. 5igure - D sho' the F tuple going through the *ndividual filter. *t is at this point in the formation of the e!perience the perception of "one moment in time"% that a person adds synthesi;ed elements to the F tuple. "he model sho's these internally generated e!periences riding ]piggybac#"on the F tuple. 5or each element in a F tuple% a person is only a'are of one aspect% either the internal or the e!ternal e!perience% but not both at the same time. *t is also important to note that although there 'ill al'ays be input from the e!ternal environment 8e!cept in cases of neurological damage% such as blindness9% there does not necessarily have to be an associated internally generated e!perience for each element // conventions are learned and integrated by an individual in much the same 'ays language is learned. ,y 'atching and listening to others and by being corrected 'hen 'e "error%" 'e come to #no' 'hat is e!pected by social convention. *%i#e language% these social rules vary from generation to generation and bet'een the subcultures that ma#e up the larger society. )uch li#e rules that govern language% these social constraints are po'erful filters on our models of the 'orld% affecting both perception and behavior. As the follo'ing e!amples 'ill demonstrate% social constraints form some of the boundaries bet'een 'hat 'e believe to be possible and impossible% good and bad% appropriate and inappropriate% etc. *n the recent past% both in this country and in parts of &estern 3urope% it 'as customary for a 'oman to faint or "s'oon" in certain situations. *n movies from that period% there 'as al'ays someone in the cro'd ready 'ith smelling salts to help revive the distressed maiden. "he situations in 'hich s'ooning occurred 'ere highly standardi;ed% and the behavior 'as limited to only a fe' subcultures here and in 3urope. Another highly regulated phenomenon rarely 'itnessed today 'as the "duel." "his formal fight bet'een t'o individuals follo'ed a specific form dictated by social custom. ,oth parties played out each step of the +re!cr be. (oc */ Con!,r* n,! *

se?uence of responses. "he form 'as rigid and predictable% and everyone #ne' 'hat 'as e!pected. A more current e!ample of social constraints concerns socially imposed "rules" governing direct eye contact.-; "here are subcultures in the Bnited +tates that believe that if one man stares directly into the eyes of another man% it is a "challenge%" much li#e the traditional "glove in the face slap" that initiated the duel ritual. *n these situations% again highly regulated by custom% there are specific things that each man is e!pected to do. "he challenge is either accepted or declined% depending on the response of the second man to the initiating stare. Problems may result if t'o or more individuals are combined from different subcultures 'ith different rules or customs. *n an institutional setting% for e!ample% 'here many differing subcultures are forced to co mingle% inability to predict e!pected responses creates the potential for very volatile interactions. 5or those responsible for maintaining order% the process of "#eeping the peace" becomes a labrious and sometimes harro'ing e!perience. Any time 'e are confronted 'ith a situation 'here t'o models differ% as in the above e!ample% it becomes crucial to determine 'hat the rules are for each of the models. "hese social constraints on the models% properly utili;ed% are invaluable in the process of gaining rapport% in "spea#ing the some language" of the parties involved. Bsing these rules can help create the trust and free flo'ing communication necessary for successful positive interventions. Bnderstanding the impact of social constraints on the eommunica tion process is one of the 'ays of orienting yourself to the inevitable differences in each individual(s model of the 'orld. *dentifying and then honoring these constraints 'ill prevent them from bloc#ing the communication process. *ndividual Constraints As pointed out by L.U. 5erguson in Personality Deuelopntent, "(Personality( is a term that has been defined more variously than perhaps any other general concept in psychology." 8p% /9 (fa#ing into account an individual(s genetic ma#eup% 5erguson ma#es a valid argument for an /%D /0 /for sounds% and O2 for smell and taste. 5or every moms there is one complete set of these e!periences% b@%ieh nt As =. +amuel ,ois% the general semanticist% observs in "he these sets is called a F tuple. of Art of $wareness, ' * don(t see the same things% don(t observe the same events% 'hen * change from my 5rench to my 3nglish brain." $e goes on to say% "Changing my ge changes me as langua an observer. *t changes my 'orld at the same trims." 8P. /09 5igure * / sho's the language component being added to the F triple. "his either accentuates certain aspects of the neurological model or deletes or distorts it. *t can enhance perception as in the case of the 3s#imos. 3ven though * could

bith stand side y erde ' an 3s#imo and loo# at the sno'% 'e 'ould not "see" the same thing because our models of the 'orld are different. "he same is true of individuals 'ho come into therapy. As 'e shall see% it is often through their language that their limited or distorted perception of the 'orld can be #no'n. &ith this #no'ledge 'e can assist them in learning ne' 'ays to tal# about their e!periences% 'ays that 'ill ultimately change their models of the 'orld. (oc */ Con!,r* n,! Another 'ay 'e create differences in our models is through social constraints. "his filter might be thought. ofas the second level in the model building process% coming >ust after neurological constraints. "he primary e!a;ople of social constraints is language, 'hich operates on our models of the 'orld in t'o primary and apparently opposite 'ays. One 'ay is to enhance and the other is to limit our per% if$lor of the 'orld around us. *t does this by encoding perceptuel phenomena into labels 8'ords9 'hich are manipulated by the mind in its efforts to ma#e sense out of e2*erieo- , 5or e!ample% es#imos have some seventy different 'ords for sno'."( "hey are able to ma#e distinctions about the ?uali0 and structure of sno' that are beyond the abilities 8d most individuals in the rest of the 'orld. Obviously this -%-% great survival value to the 3s#imo culture. "his .ee+/y2oo,od social constraint% e!hibited in the 3s#imo language% onp^usd% their models of the 'orld to include perceptions that people from other linguistic bac#grounds are unable to ohserve. An interesting phenomenon occurs 'hen soma"""( -(u comes fluent in a language different from his native tonFue (there are other forms of social constraints that affect a person(s modeling process. As Coleman( put it% " . his Personality ' development reflects both the larger society in 'hich he lives . y and tech its institutions% traditions% values% ideas% intc.nologies and the immediate family end other rPersonal relationships. ... " 8p. 1E9 +ocial customs and filter it as it comes in. 5or e!ample% 'e #no' that there are sounds both above and la l ti% ability of the human ear to hear% and 'e #no' that there are non visible areas of the electromagnetic spectrum. "his #no'ledge has been gained through the use of artificial )echanisms 'hich translate or re present these areas into perceivable stimuli. A good portion of my 'or# as a teacher and counselor is to operate much li#e those machines. "hat is% * 'or# to represent aspects of the environment that they are filtering out or deleting from their e!perience. "here 'ill be more on that in upcoming sections. Difference threshol# is another term used in the study of perception. "his is the minimum amount of stimulation necessary to be able to detect a difference bet'een t'o similar stimuli. "his >ust noticeable difference 8>.n.d.9 supports the notion that our receptor organs act as filters to our perception of the 'orld. Another important concept in the study of perception is the fact that our sensory mechan isms operate on a process called recurrent inhibition ,ecause of this neural mechanism% 'e tend to receive information from our sense% primarily about changes in our environment rather than about constant or unchanging aspects of e!perience. One of the reasons for including a good bottle of 'ine 'ith a meal is to stimulate our gustatory

olfactory sensing organs bet'een bites of food. "he 'ine literally changes the environment in our mouths so that each bite 'ill taste >ust as savory as the first. Recurrent inhibition is 'hat underlies the tendency to cease paying attention to static% unchanging aspects of our environment. *t is interesting to speculate about ho' this neurological mechanism might affect our e!perience of the 'orld on a broader scale. Noam Chonr s(y 8see Chapter *ll9% ?uoting Ai#hn. +h#lovs(i>, 'rites< "People living at the seashore gro' so accustomed to the murmur of the 'aves that they never hear it. ,y the same to#en% 'e scarcely ever hear the 'ords 'hich 'e utter.... &e loo# at each other% but 'e do not see each other any more. Our perception of the 'orld has 'ithered a'ay@ 'hat has remained is mere recognition." 8p. /F /.9 Our sensory systems provide us 'ith very pleasant e!periences in many 'ays. )ovies% 'hich are actually only rapidly flashed "still" pictures% give us the illusion of motion. &e can also e!perience strong emotional feelings 'hile sitting in a theater 'atching and listening to a film. *t is important to understand that these same abilities% these neurological processes 'hich enable us to have pleasant e!periences% also operate at times to give us pain by limiting our perceptions and our ability to ade?uately respond to our environment. As the discussion of these processes continues% * hope to demonstrate that there are consistencies in ho' people e!perience the 'orld and ho' they create their models of 'hat they e!perience. "hese consistencies can assist us in more effectively communicating 'ith them. ,y enabling us to predict and influence behavior% observing and utili;ing these consistencies can help us assist the people 'e live and 'or# 'ith in ma#ing different choices about ho' to feel and ho' to respond% choices 'hich 'ill enhance a positive and enriched perception of the 'orld. t figure ! - 8 sho's the first step in the formulation of our nu(dels of the 'orld. Ra' e!perience is filtered through our sensory organs 8neurological constraints9. "he e!perience is "transformed" into a neurological model including four basic Pot rameters< vision% feeling% sound% and smell and taste. he:]'mU the model proposed by ,andler and 2rinder%" se are labeled% respectively% A for vision% U for feelings% A -7 -C "here are several 'ays you can ">oin" a person at his o'n model of the 'orld. "hese 'ill be covered in follo'ing sections and chapters. As you ac#no'ledge an individual(s model of the 'orld by >oining him 'ith your language and 'ith other behaviors that let him #no' that you understand% you pave the 'ay for highly effective and influential communication to occur. "his does not mean that you accept his model as your o'n% but rather that you instill the trust and rapport so important in close or intimate relationships and create the ideal climate for positive gro'th and change. Con!,r* n,! on ,)e 'o.e/ the menu li#e 'e often treat our o'n models of the 'orld as if it actually is reality 'e 'ould begin to eat the menu: As ,ateson points out% "3!pectably% communicating organisms... 'ill mista#e map for territory. . . ." 8p. F0/9 "o ta#e the metaphor a step further% sometimes 'e are surprised by the food 'e have ordered from the menu. &hen it

arrives% 'e may not even li#e it% though 'e li#ed 'hat 'as represented by the menu. *deally% 'e 'ould be able to go into a restaurant% stop by the #itchen% and sample the food before 'e decided. 3ven then% ho'ever% 'e couldn(t be absolutely sure of 'hat 'e 'ould get 'hen the 'aiter brought our food. ,ut at least 'e might have a better idea. &e cannot actually "sample" reality as the metaphor suggests. All 'e ever have are menus< models of reality 'hich 'e tend to believe are 'hat they merely represent. 5or every organism there are% limitations and regularities 'hich define 'hat 'ill be learned and under 'hat circumstances this learning 'ill occur. 8p. F-C9 2regory ,ateson +teps to an -cology of .in# "he construction of our models of the 'orld is not a hapha;ard% disorgani;ed process. *t is a highly efficient% ongoing procedure that operates throughout our 'hole lifetime. "he "information" used in the construction of our models% the e!periences and memories of e!periences that form the building bloc#s of the structure% are forced through certain constraints or "filters" on the model building process. "here are three constraints or filters 'hich have been identified by ,undler and 2rinder.( "hese are neurological% social% and in#i)i#ual constraints. Uno'ing the 'ays that these filters affect our models of the 'orld can assist us in better observing the behavioral patterns that 'ill enable us to both predict and influence 'ith remar#able success the behavior of our clients% students% and others 'ith 'hom 'e cummunicol% Ne0ro/o1 c*/ Con!,r* n,! *t is through our neurological ma#eup% our sense organs and nerves% that 'e initially receive information about the 'orld. $o'ever% due to individual differences and the fact that "ra'" information is translated into bioelectric impulses% 'e are ine!orably separated from the "real 'orld." Our neurology filters the e!perience% and% because everyone(s "filters" are slightly different% 'e can assume that everyone(s model of the 'orld 'ill be different. "his phenomenon underlies the idea that 'e do not react to the "real 'orld" but rather on our o'n personal model of the 'orld. "he +tudy of Perception A term common to the study of perception is absolute threshol# "his is the minimum amount of physical energy necessary to stimulate a sense organ into firing off a signal to the central nervous system 8CN+9. "his means that there are potential sensory signals from our environment that are never even "received" or sensed. Our sensory organs not only channel information into our CN+ but also effectively -F *n his boo# Persuasion and $ealing% =erome 5ran# isolates some of the variables that ma#e up a successful therapeutic relationship% especially aspects of the relationslip that result in the patient(s "susceptibility to the therapist(s influence." 8p. -719 Of particular interest here is the emphasis put on several variables< the client(s e!pectations and his trust in the therapist% and 'hat he calls "personal attributes of the therapist." 5ran# found that these factors greatly influence the outcome of therapy. A study conducted by +trupp% et al.%s singled out the patient(s trust in the therapist as a singularly important variable. As they stated% ""his faith in the integrity of the therapist as a person may be called the capstone of a successful therapeutic relationship subsuming other characteristics." 8p. DC9

*n any close or intimate relationship% trust becomes a primary element. "his section 'ill begin to e!plore the various 'ays this trust develops and the effects it has on the rapport so essential to an effective relationship. As previously mentioned% =erome 5ran# noted that particular attributes of the therapist himself are important ingredients of the therapeutic relationship. 5rom ?uestionnaires filled out by their patients% 5ran# found these attributes to include the therapist(s ability to be a "... #eenly interested. . . concerned listener.. .'ho spea#s one(s language [andP ma#es sense.. .." 8p. -E.9(Che development of trust% then% may begin 'hen a person gets the sense that he is being understood% that he and the other person are "spea#ing the same language." "hin# for a moment about the people in your life 'hom you consider to be influential. "his ability to influence you and others is based in large part on the trust given them by those 'ho believe they are "understanding." Of course% this is an oversimplification. $o'ever% especially in the therapeutic setting% this trust is often a necessary condition for a successful therapeutic relationship. "rust must also e!ist bet'een friends% or the relationship falters. A business deal cannot be consummated unless there is a mutual trust based on the belief that each party is being uud%m(stood by the other. &hat is it about particularly influential individuals that leads to this trust.( &hat observable behaviors do these 'i;ards of communication e!hibit that 'e might identify and use ourselves in our o'n professional and personal relationshipsT As these ?uestions are ans'ered% you 'ill begin to discover some of the practical strategies for creating positive change. ,eing Bnderstood One of the most important ingredients in being influential is the ability to elicit the belief that you understand. Bnderstanding implies that you can ">oin" a person at his o'n model of the 'orld. "his is important because people tend to operate as i f their model of the 'orld is the real 'orld. Bnderstanding is the crucial bridge bet'een our model ofthe 'orld and theirs. Logical "yping 3rrors 2regory ,ateson illustrates the distinction bet'een "reality" and our models of reality 'ith a menu card analogy.%% &e tend to operate on the assumption that a "thing" and its "name" are one and the same. ,ateson calls this a "logical typing error." *t is li#e 'al#ing into a restaurant% says ,ateson% and being handed a menu card. +ince the menu merely represents the food% 'e might consider it to be a map or model of reality. $o'ever% if 'e treat -. -/ +haron loved to read novels. fly creatively employing the process of distortion% she could transform 'ords into full% rich e!periences. +he actually "lived" characters as she read about them. +he felt their >oys and sorro's% labored in the muddy fields and had tea 'ith the \ueen. As a youngster% +haron had learned to read 'ords and then to distort them into images% feelings% sounds% tastes% and smells so vividly that they became "real" to her. +he could tal# about different times and far a'ay places as if she had actually been there. And she could e?ually 'ell "pro>ect" herself into a history boo# or encyclopedia. "his talent played an important part in her choice of careers as a 'riter and lecturer. +haron also used the process of distortion as a means for e!plaining her "predicament"

'ith men. "hough her fear 'as a ma>or factor% she attributed much of the problem to a series of "bad relationships." As she said% "*f only those relationships had been different% if only they had given me 'hat * 'anted and needed% then * probably 'ould be a lot happier no'." Bsing the same process that she used to place herself into the characters she read about% +haron indicated by those 'ords that she had effectively rernoue# herself from the e!ternal 'orld during specific periods in her life. *n her model of the 'orld% it 'as "relationships" 'hich caused her problems. $o'ever% this indicates a distortion of her perception of the situation. A relationship is a process involving active participation.( ,y saying that "the relationships" hadn(t given her 'hat she 'anted% she 'as ignoring her o'n reponsibility and participation in the process of relating. +he had remnued herself from the role of participant and had become a helpless observer. "his distortion% built into her model of the 'orld% effectively prevented her from being able to change in 'ays 'hich 'ould ma#e her more comfortable and happy. Not until she could step bac# into the process of relating 'ould she be able to ma#e those changes and regain a sense of control over her o'n life. F*n,*!y ! D !,or, on "he construction of our models of the 'orld may be 'hat =ames Coleman( is referring to 'hen he says that an individual builds a "frame of reference" or "a set of assumptions concerning fact% possibility% and value." fle describes ho' this "inner cognitive map" determines ho' a person 'ill perceive reality and ho' he 'ill behave. Of importance here is 'hat happens 'hen a person(s map or model has built in errors. As he says% ". .. faulty assumptions have important implications for ad>ustive behavior." A person 'ho follo's this erroneous map ". . . may bristle at none!istent bogeymen and be una'are of real ha;ards. "o the e!tent that his vie' is distorted% he 'ill ad>ust to a 'orld that does not e!ist% and 'ill inevitably ma#e miscalculations that 'ill lead to failure and self devaluation." 8p. -C19 #r0!,- &* n n1 R*++or, &ho can deny that the important vector in any type of psychotherapeutic relationship is the establishment of good rapportT 8p. -79 &. +. Uorger and &.B. 5e;ler< Hy*nosis an# Behauior .o#ification -D A!!0m+, on! Are &ener*/ @*, on! +ome fol#s * #no' did an e!periment 'ith their bathroom door. "a#ing the door#nob from a regular door% they mounted it on a nonlatching% one 'ay s'inging door. "o open their bathroom door% all you had to do 'as push on it@ it 'ould s'ing closed automatically. "he tric# 'as that they placed the "fa#e" door#nob on the same side of the door as the hinges. "he results of the e!periment proved interesting. Children% they said% generally had no problem discovering the "tric#" and 'ere able to get into the bathroom. $o'ever% 'hen adults tried the door#nob and found that the door 'ouldn(t open% they assumed that it 'as either stuc# or loc#ed. "heir assumption% of course% 'as based on generali;ations from past e!periences 'ith loc#ed and stuc# doors. (this part of their models of the 'orld did not allo' for the e!ploration necessary to discover the tric#% and they consistently failed to gain entry 'ithout the "help" of their hosts.

..> -* One of the 'ays that +haron 'as able to be such a good reader 'as her ability to #eep noises and e!ternal visual stimuli from distracting her. +he had learned to systematically delete from her a'areness anything that 'ould detract from her ability to concentrate on the boo# she 'as reading. "his can be a very productive utili;ation of the process of deletion. *n the years follo'ing her traumatic encounter% +haron also systematically deleted from her a'areness the positive% normal responses of men 'ho became genuinely interested in her. $er "selective attention" only allo'ed her to be a'are of the things they did to "ta#e advantage" of her. ,ecause her model of the 'orld did not include the possibility of 'arm% #ind% and honest attention bet'een men and 'omen% she 'as not a'are of these ?ualities 'hen they 'ere present in a male admirer. &ithout this a'areness% no healthy relationship could develop. Again% operating 'ithout conscious a'areness% deletion can assist us by focusing our attention 'hen necessary% as in the e!ample of +haron(s reading. $o'ever% the same process can often be the ma>or source of a person(s emotional distress. *t can create limitations on our models of the 'orld that prevent us from being able to perceive 'hat 'e need in order to achieve our goals. (e/ec, 7e A,,en, on "! De/e, on R Distortion "he third universal human modeling process forms the basis for most acts of creativity. Distortion is the process by 'hich 'e alter our perceptions% changing our e!perience of sensory input. Bsing this process 'e both create and en>oy 'or#s of art% music and literature. *t also ma#es possible our ability to dream% fantasi;e% and plan for the future. ,y allo'ing us to manipulate our perceptions of reality% of the 'ord as 'e sense it or remember it to be% distortion enables us to create totally uni?ue variables. +ome of our "creations" may even be outside the realm of possibility defined by our model of reality. ,ut 'hether it results in a "?uantum leap" in our thin#ing or simply enables us to "interpret" a Picasso% distortion is an important process in our modeling of the 'orld. "he figure above represents a "visual parado!." ,ecause it presents conflicting information% the observer finds himself attempting to ma#e sense of an apparent irrational figure. "his distortion occurs because of the capacity of the brain to ta#e in certain #inds of information% in this case a t'o dimensional set of lines% and transform it into something that is none!istent< a three dimensional form. 7 "hese remar#able model building processes of generali;ation% deletion% and distortion% ho'ever% are double edged. As important as they are to our abilities to learn% thin#% and create% these same processes can also create pain and suffering in an individual. $o' do these indispensable tools create painT $o' do they limit perception and disallo' behaviorT $o' do they become counter productive to a person(s normal living and gro'ingT "hey do these things by performing their functions >ust as they are designed. "he follo'ing e!amples 'ill demonstrate ho' these processes can 'or# both for and against the best interests of an individual. Case +tudy

+everal years ago% * had a client 'ho demonstrated perfectly the duality in function of the universal human modeling processes. &hat follo's are highlights from some of our sessions that e!emplify these processes in action. As a child% +haron had several very pleasant e!periences in a particular reading group. "hese e!periences 'ere soon generali;ed to all reading% and +haron became an enthusias tic "boo#'orm." "his can be considered a positive e!ample of the process of generali;ation. One of the reasons +haron decided to come in for counseling 'as 'hat she termed "a fear of men." "his "fear" #ept her from rela!ing enough to have any close% affectionate relationships. *n her 'ords% ")en frighten me. *(m afraid all they 'ant is to ta#e advantage of me." &e ?uic#ly uncovered 'here her fear had come from< +haron recounted a severely traumatic e!perience she had had 'ith a man 'hen she 'as a young teenager. 5rom this one terrible e!perience she had begun to generali;e about the "motives" of men. "hese generali;ations had become a part of her model of the 'orld and effectively prevented her from en>oying the close% loving relationship that she so dearly 'anted. As 'ith her e!periences 'ith reading% this modeling process occurred "automatically%" completely out of her conscious a'areness. C concentrate% to plan and learn% and to dream. "hey become evident to the trained observer through a person(s speech and behavior% and learning to detect and utili;e these universal processes is a central theme of this boo#. &ener*/ @*, on "he process of generali;ation provides part of the e!planation of ho' 'e are able to learn as rapidly as 'e do. )any "ne'" behaviors% for e!ample% are actually composed of bits and pieces of previously e!perienced behaviors 'hich are similar to the ne' behavior. ,ecause of this similarity% 'e are able to generali;e from the e!perience of the old behavior% alleviating the need to learn the ne' behavior "from scratch." "he ability to generali;e from past e!periences means that it is not necessary to e!pend great amounts of time and energy learning ne' behaviors. "his same process is utili;ed in the learning of ne' concepts and in other activities associated 'ith 'hat 'e call "thin#ing." *n essence% generali;ation eliminates the necessity to relearn a concept or behavior every time 'e are confronted 'ith a variation of the original. Deletion *t has been reported that the human central nervous system is being fed more than t'o million pieces of information euery secon# =ust in terms of efficiency% if every bit of this information had to be processed and used% the time and energy necessary 'ould be astronomical: "his is 'here the process of deletion comes in. Our central nervous system actually operates as a "screening mechanism" enabling us to function at pea# efficiency. As Alders $u!ley says in &he "oors of Perce*tion, e!perience "has to be funneled through the reducing valve of the brain and nervous system. &hat comes out the other end is a measly tric#le of the #ind of consciousness 'hich 'ill help us to stay alive on the surface of this particular planet." 8p. /D9 Obviously% our ability to delete portions of the barrage of input is essential to our survival.

Deletion Paris in the the spring. 2enerali;ation One form of this process often ta#en for granted is our ability to learn a 'ord symbol% li#e the 'ord "chair%" and then apply the symbol to other forms 'ith similar function. "his ability to generali;e promotes the rapid assimilation of diverse #inds of information. A sna#e in the the grass. A #ic# in the the rear. One of my favorite e!amples of deletion is portrayed in the above three sentences. *n order to ma#e sense of 'hat you see% there is a tendency to delete the portion of the sentence that doesn(t ma#e sense. Notice the e!tra "the" in each of the sentences. )any people do not even see it 'hen it is pointed out to them. As 'e shall see% this process has some profound implications in the area of human communication. F "he Reality )odel Due to similarities in neurological mechanisms in each of us% 'e are able to have similar e!periences. "hese% combined 'ith shared social and cultural e!periences% enable the creation of 'hat might be called "consensus realities.""heare shared models that form the basis of our social structures. Language is the prime e!ample of such a model. $o'ever% it is the fact that there can be no universally shared and accepted representation of e!perience% no one model of the 'orld that is accurate for everyone% that accounts for the marvelous diversity found in the human personality. Perce+, on! C*n Be Dece 7 n1 P*,,ern! o5 R0/e4&o7erne. Be)*7 or Although it is important to appreciate the individual nature of perceived reality% it is e?ually important to identify patterns of behavior e!hibited by individuals and groups. "he observation of these patterns forms the central theme of this 'or#. *n his boo#% "he +ilent Language, 3.". flail states that% ""he goal of the investigator 'ho deals 'ith human phenomena is to discover the patterns... that e!ist hidden in the minds% the sensory apparatus% and the muscles of man." 8p. --.9 "hese bits and pieces of observable behavior go into the ma#ing of the process oriented model of personality presented in this boo#. During interactions involved in communication% certain consistencies of behavior become evident. =ust as the language 'e use is structured by semantics and grammar% so does the rich and varied nonlinguistic behavior of humans appear to follo' a highly structured order. &e are% ho'ever% confronted 'ith the same dilemma that has long faced linguists. "he native spea#er of any language forms his speech 'ithout any necessary a'areness of the rules being used. Li#e'ise% the rules of nonlinguistic behavior are veiled by their very nature< they are unconscious *rocesses *n both cases 'e must study these rules by analy;ing their end products< language and behavior. As &at;la'ic#% Reavin% and =ac#son stated in Pragmatics of $uman Communication% the goal comes do'n to observing these processes e!hibited through language and behavior in an attempt to identify a "comple! pattern of redundancies." 8p. D19 A good enough model% says &at;la'ic#% 'ill give us the ability to evaluate% predict% and influence behavior. *n "he +tructure of )agic% Aolume *% Richard ,andler and =ohn 2rinder introduce a set

of elegant tools for organi;ing and describing our observations. (there are three mechan isms common to all model building activities< generali?ation, #eletion, and #istortion ,andler and 2rinder call these the "universal human modeling processes. "hese three processes operate at every stage in the construction and use of our models of the 'orld. "hey underlie our abilities to "here is an interesting e!hibit at the "R!ploratorium" in +an 5rancisco. "'o halfinch copper tubes are 'ound side by side around a 'ooden do'el. &arm fluid is piped through one tube% 'hile cold fluid flo's through the other. *t is ?uite a shoc# to touch or grasp the bundle< the simultaneous sensations of 'arm and cold produce an e!tremely hot or burning sensation. *t is fun to 'atch disbelieving people >ump after reading the description and then% thin#ing they 'ill be able to discern the difference% ta#e a firm grasp of the bundle: $G >" ,F *t is my goal that the psychological and behavioral models presented in this boo# 'ill operate as $all suggests. "hat is% they 'ill reduce the comple!ities of human communication into a more easily perceived and understandable frame'or# ultimately enabling you to direct yourself and others to'ard a healthy and positive future. "he Nerve Cell "he nerve cell represents the first step in the creation of our models of the 'orld. "he basic units of the nerve cell are sho'n belo'. Ne0ro/o1 c*/ B*! ! Our romance 'ith constructing models of our e!perience of the 'orld may have a basis in psychobiological processes. &e cannot escape the limitations imposed by our biological origins. As the noted Carl =ung observed< )an. . . never perceives anything fully or comprehends anything completely. $e can see% hear% touch% taste@ but ho' far he sees% ho' 'ell he hears% 'hat his touch tells him% and 'hat he tastes depend upon the number and ?uality of his senses.... No matter 'hat instruments he uses% at some point he reaches the edge of certainty beyond 'hich conscious #no'ledge cannot pass. 8p. /-9 )an and $is 1ymbols *n our constant attempts to understand% driven by some intrinsic need to e!plore and e!plain% 'e create our models. ,ut 'e are ine!orably separated from the 'orld outside ourselves.( Neural transmission% the basis of 'hat 'e call perception% is a bioelectric phenomenon. ,illions of neurons ma#e up the human nervous system. 3ven though sensory input varies from pressure to temperature to sound to electromagnetic 'aves% they are all ultimately transformed into electrochemical impulses as they are transmitted to the central nervous system. "he study of this miraculous transmutation of energy leads us to a fundamental aspect of e!perience< 'e do not perceive reality% but rather a neurological mo#el of reality. (P(his is 'hat forms the basis for 'hat * call our model of the 'orld. -. Cell bo#y containing nucleus. /. "en#rites "hese e!tend from the cell body and form the "receiving area" for stimulation from outside the body and from other ad>acent cells. D. A!orr. "his single fiber transmits the bioelectric impulse to the a!on terminal. F. A!on terminal. "his is the part of the nerve cell that activates other neurons on

the 'ay to or from the central nervous system as 'ell as 'ithin it. Neural "messages" are also transmitted to muscles and glands through the a!on terminal. . 1111 , */*o, ,ecause sensory organs vary greatly from one individual to another% each one of us perceives the 'orld differently. "hese differences may be subtle or great. ,ut since our perceptions form the basis for our models of the 'orld% 'e must assume that every individual 'ill have a #ifferent model. C$AP"3R* )OD3L+ "he purpose of the model is to enable the user to do a better >ob in handling the enormous comple!ities of life. ,y using models% 'e see and test ho' things 'or# and can even predict ho' things 'ill go in the future. 8p. -D9 3d'ard ". $all Beyon# Culture "he Bse of )odels No other creature 'e #no' of is ?uite as infatuated 'ith the construction and use of models as 'e humans appear to be. As $all points out% "&e are the model ma#ing organism par e!cellence." 8p. -D9 &e use these models to represent almost all aspects of our environment% our social organi;ations% our technology% and even our very life processes. )odels of machines% buildings% or bridges help us see and evaluate design and structure. )odels of government enable us to understand comple! systems of human social behavior. +cientific models assist us in perceiving relationships and properties of theoretical problems and processes. viii

Chapter ***< "he )eta )odel .. . . . ...... . .. .. CE "he Digital Representational +ystem ............ CE +ymbolic representation AnalogQdigital< the computer metaphor Linguistic Deconditioning "he )eta )odel< Overvie' . ........ .. .... . 1/ "ransformational grammar )eto )odel violations )eta )odel responses 2athering *nformation .... . ............... 1C Referential inde! Nominali;ations Bnspecified verbs 3!panding Limits ............................... 7/ )odal operators Bniversal \uantifiers Changing )eanings ............................. 77 )ind reading Cause and effect Lost performative +ummary ........................................ --0 Chapter *A< "he Aisual )odel ....... . --%i Pupil Response .. .............................. --<. "he visual system Ocular Accessing Cues .. ...................D-.

+plit brain theory< "'o in one 3ye scanning patterns Constructed images "he Communication Categories )odel

...

..

FE

Posture and ,ody Cues ...... .. . . . ... . .- "Aisuals" "Uin.." " "onals" "Digitals" other ,ehavioral Cues ...... ............ ..... .1 Rules for listening +atir Categories ... .. .... ...... ....... C/ +ummary ........................................ C. 3idetic images Constructed speech Remembered sounds 5eelings *nternal dialog Aisuali;ation "aste and smell Other Accessing Patterns ......... .............. -// ,reathing ,ody Posture )inimal cues )apping . ....................................... -/. )apping the accessing cue schemati )apping the preferred system and hierarchy +ummary ........................................ -D/ Appendi! A< )odel ,uilding Processes .......... -D. Appendi! ,< "he Representational +ystem ,ias "est ............................................... -D1 Appendi! C< Communication Categories Chart . -F- Appendi! D< 2lossary of "erms .................. -FF 5ootnotes ........................................... -./ ,ibliography ....................................... -.E -C0 +atir% A. Peoplema#ing. Palo Alto% California< +cience and ,ehavior $oo#s% -71/. +heldon% &. $. "he Aarieties of Human Physi3ue Ne' 4or#< $arper and ,rothers% -7F0. +hepard% ). 5rit;. Ne' 4or#< ,antam ,oo#s% *nc.% -71.. +hepard% R. Visual Learning, &hin(ing an# 'ommunication, edited by ,. +. Randha'a and &. 3. Coffman. Ne' 4or#< Academic Press% -71E. +perry% *t. &.% ). +. 2a;;aniga% and =. 3. ,ogen% "*nterhemispheric Relationships< the Neocortical Commissures@ +yndromes of $emisphere Disconnection%" Han#boo( of 'linical Neurology% P. =. Ain#en and 2. &. ,ruyn% ads.% Amsterdam< North $olland Publishing Co.% -7C7% /1D /E7. +trupp% $. $.% 5o!% R. 3.% and Lessler% U. Patients Aie' "heir Psychothera*y ,altimore< =ohns $op#ins Bniversity Press% -7C7. &alsh% R. 3merging cross disciplinary parallels< +uggestions from the neurosciences. =ournal of &rans*ersonal Psychology% --</% -1. -EF% -717. Abo0, #)e A0,)or! Ryron A. Le'is% ).A.% is the director of the )eta "raining *nstitute% a North'est 3ducational and Consulting firm speciali;ing in the techni?ues of Neuro Linguistic Programming. As an undergraduate student at BC+C in the mid -710!% ,yron studied under Dr. =ohn 2rinder and participated in the original research 'hich laid the foundation for the no' popular field of NLP. 3ven before receiving his )asters in Psychology% ,yron 'as actively involved in teaching communications seminars. A personable and entertaining seminar leader and consultant% ,yron has been conducting seminars and 'or#shops in the field of Neuro Linguistic Programming sin -711. &at;la'ie#% P.% ,eavin% =. and =ac#son% D. Pragmatics of Human 'ommunication Ne'

4or#< &. &. Norton and Co.% -7C1. &horf% ,. f.. *n Carol% =. ,. 8ed.9 Language, &hought, an# 0eality Ne' 4or#< &iley% -7.C. R. 5ran# Puceli#% Ph.D. is 'idely recogni;ed asone ofthe 'orld(s finest trainers in interpersonal communication and success strategies for change. $is ;est and profound s#ills also ma#e him one of the most entertaining presenters in the field of )eta communication today. Currently the President of )3"A *nternational% *nc.% a behavioral sciences consulting firm% 5ran# has been leading seminars and 'or#shops since the early -710(!. An original member of the ,undler and 2rinder research team% 5ran#(s impressive range of #no'ledge comes from his e!tensive training in a variety of communication techni?ues and their scientific basis.